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UPDATED: Sexy Kristen Stewart As Joan Jett

Saturday, December 20 by

[Editor's Note:  I am at my parents house for the holidays in South Texas. The only thing in the theatre that I had not see was Twilight, so I went. I was the only person in the theatre that had not just had her first period. Watching the movie made me change my stance on Kristen Stewart. Best, MAX POWERS.]Kristen Stewart is my kind of pretty. She's got the natural beauty thing on lockdown. I've basically been in love with her since Into the Wild, which I thought was great film. She was 9 types of sexy jailbait. It's a shame that Twilight was a movie I was not willing to touch with my worst enemy's eyeballs, even though Stewart was in it. I'm definitely willing to watch her play Joan Jett. That story and more in our news roundup.  the worst fucking actress in the entire world. Here's a few for the weekend.

William H Macy Is Not Ari Gold

Friday, December 19 by

Its was a big news story yesterday that Jeremy Piven was leaving the Broadway show Speed The Plow due to high mercury content in his blood. This made me think "Of course he has a high blood-mercurey content. Mercury was the God of WAR. He's ARI GOLD. His veins run not with normal vitreous fluid, but rather course with the mightiest quicksilver known to man."  And now the news today is that Piven will be replaced by…William H. Macy? Woah.

Against The Dark Trailer

Friday, December 19 by

The Brass at Corporate are telling me that I need to make the site more accessible to our deaf audience. So I went ahead and transcribed the important voice over for the trailer of this forthcoming Steven Seagal film. I put it in all caps so the hard of hearing can understand how intense it is. Here it is:VAMPIRE HUNTERS LED BY A MASTER SWORDSMAN WILL STOP AT NOTHING TO SAVE THE HUMAN RACE. STEVEN SEGAL. AGAINST THE DARKAwesome. I've already bought my ticket at e-moviedango.com

Bay and Bruckheimer Do ‘Cocaine’

Friday, December 19 by

Hollywood Reporter wrote today that Bay and Bruckheimer will be the execs on a new HBO series based on the documentary Cocaine Cowboys. I REALLY hope they go for one part Entourage, one part Scarface, and FOUR THOUSAND PARTS MICHAEL BAY (BOOM).  I posted on Cocaine Cowboy's II about five months back, the follow-up to the inspiration for the show. It also led me to compile a list of some of the best documentaries about the black market, a subject I am fascinated about. And now, some daily news.

The Television Goes on Vacation

Thursday, December 18 by

Thursdays are usually a big night for the TV. But what with the holidays and all, the nets are going with some tried and trusted content while shows take a break. And by tried and trusted I am referring to Total Recall. We also recommend Paul F. Thompkins on Conan (according to his Twitter feed the shoot went well). All that and more in tonight's TV lineup.

Link Dump

Thursday, December 18 by

Two sites for The Unborn, and new photos (Comingsoon)40 Inspirational Speeches in 2 minutes (Filmonic)Sci Fi Channel's Ghost Hunters continues to expand (BD)Alan Horn clears up

15 Weirdest Jeff Goldblum Moments

Thursday, December 18 by

Jeff Goldblum is a weird dude. He has spent the last quarter-century playing a weird dude onscreen. At some point in his adolescence, he looked in the mirror had the realization that there was a real niche in being Hollywood’s preeminent Vulcan Gigolo Scientist/Christopher Walken soundalike who ends every other sentence on an existential question. Before Goldblum gets too serious in 2009’s Adam Resurrected, let’s take a look at a few of his quirkiest moments.

werido2

Thursday, December 18 by

GOLDBLUM SUPPLEMENT Demanding A Refund (“Run Ronnie Run”) Cults prey on normal, impressionable people and turn to obedient weirdos. Jeff Goldblum is strange enough. Why by the cow when you can get the sex for free? Schooling Video Game Geeks Beating a video game feels pretty damn good – for about 30 seconds.

Adventureland Trailer

Thursday, December 18 by

I definitely liked Jesse Eisenberg in The Squid And the Whale. But that's a pretty intense movie. Adventureland will be the test of if his nervous, smart dude appeal will play well in a comedy. It's either going to be a great contrast, or I'm going to want to crawl through the screen and slap him.

You Cant Make This Up: Buc’s DE Changes Name in Honor of ‘Teen Wolf’

Thursday, December 18 by

People, you can't make this stuff up:Tampa Bay Buccaneers defensive end Greg White has officially changed his name from Gregory Alphonso White Jr. to Stylez G. White, the Tampa Bay Tribune reported on its Web site. The name, according to White, was inspired by the 1985 Michael J. Fox flick featuring some rather hairy on-court hoops action."That was his best friend's name," White said, according to the paper. "I always liked that name. It's not that I don't like Greg White." (from Fox Sports)American Dream: Attained. And now, the rest of your morning news roundup.

Give Me Your Badge And Gun

Thursday, December 18 by

From HOLY TACO. This is a great collection of the classic "Give Me Your Badge And Gun" scene which occurs in basically every cop movie or TV show. It's amazing that nobody ever mixes it up. Turn in your uniform, give me the keys to the shotgun locker, leave your special police radio and computer with Dolores in HR– none of that stuff. Just the badge and gun.

CNN Takes Reporting To New Level

Thursday, December 18 by

We're a TV site, but we don't really cover network news. There are just too many opportunities to skewer the constant flow of absurdity– the unending waterfalls of crap would just distract us from the other duties of Screenjunkies. But I just could not resist this amazing front page story that showed up on CNN this morning: Really? There's no good way to tell a kid they have cancer? I'd imagine there are some ways that are worse than others, such as: – Billy, you have cancer, and it's because you masturbate too much. – Billy, you have cancer and that's why mommy and daddy are getting a divorce. – Billy, you have cancer. Also, there is no Santa Claus. – Billy, isn't this roller coaster fun? Well enjoy it now because in three months you'll be so weak from 3 rounds of chemo you wont be able to lift an X-Box controller.   As always CNN, thanks for the hard hitting news. Now lets all watch this video. Wait till they spray the associate producer with cologne. Listen for his name.

Denis Leary Discusses Denis Leary Films

Thursday, December 18 by

This is a pretty great video. It's exactly what the title says, except that they talk about the crappy movies. I remember watching Operation Dumbo Drop in theaters and thinking it was basically the best film ever made. An elephant? On a plane? And you're going to drop it? Out of the plane? That's movie gold. 

weirdo

Wednesday, December 17 by

THE SCIENCE OF WEIRD 10 Weird Jeff Goldblum Moments Jeff Goldblum is a weird dude. He has spent the last quarter-century playing a weird dude onscreen. At some point in his adolescence, he looked in the mirror had the realization that there was a real niche in being Hollywood’s preeminent Vulcan Gigolo Scientist/Christopher Walken soundalike who ends ever sentence on a question mark. He is in ton of supernatural movies probably because he looks, well, supernatural. Before Goldblum gets too serious in 2009’s Adam Resurrected, let’s take a look at a few of his quirkiest moments. Weirdo. Endorsing A Snack From the mind of Seth MacFarlane, Jeff Goldblum’s Wafers are not too forward, mildly flavored, and suggestive.

Link Dump

Wednesday, December 17 by

Halle Berry goes slightly topless (Filmonic)Watch new Flight of the Conchords free (Filmdrunk)3 Worst things about roommates (Holytaco)8 Everyday words with X-rated origins (Cracked)Bill and Ted's Excellent

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