You're a big fan of some Hollywood celebrity. You want to learn more about their private lives. And Us Weekly's "Stars: They're just like us!" section stopped being riveting after you found out Christian Slater drinks Starbucks. You want to learn the dirt… the real dirt… but you don't want to have to root through the celeb's trash bins for goodies. All that usually gets you is a bunch of hot garbage and a night in jail where hot garbage smell is an aphrodisiac for your cell mates. Well, thanks to the internet, you can now just hack into her Netflix account. After all, sometimes a DVD rental queue is much more telling than a heap of old groceries, anyway.
Retarded Donut Man Speech – Watch more Funny Videos In case you missed Rosie O'Donnell going full retard over the weekend in the replay of Riding on the Bus with My Sister, don't fear. We have FlashForward's Courtney B. Vance embarrassing Special folks everywhere in the made-for-TV movie The Boys Next Door. In this scene, Courtney B. Vance plays a retarded character imagining himself as the real Courtney B. Vance addressing a courtroom full of people, only to then realize that the real Courtney B. Vance is just a figment of the actor Courtney B. Vance's retarded character's imagination. Oh god… this is so meta it's metarded. These links be fat with donuts: Awesome Cartoon Intros In Foreign Languages (HolyTaco) Dwight Schrute And Gilbert Arenas Hang Out (TotalProSports) 13 Bed Sheets That Are Cooler Than Yours (TheChive) Cats React To Twilight New Moon Trailer (FilmDrunk) 20 Funniest Animal Photobombs Of All Time (SuperTremendous) 5 "Best" Columbus Day Related Films (Pajiba) Jessica Alba's Wet Sex Scene (CelebJihad) Top 10 Val Kilmer Movie Roles (Unreality) The Best/Worst Professions To Date (Asylum) Road Trip To The Grove (BustedCoverage) 25 Examples Of Sad, Sad Kids Halloween Costumes (RegretfulMorning) Getting A Waitress To Go Home With You (MadeMan) Earnhardt Losing Streak Reaches 51 (AllLeftTurns) Bar Clearing Brawl Ends In Gangsta Gunfight (NothingToxic) Blind Date With A Deep Throat (Atom)
This entire week we're focusing on the girls of New York, I Love You, an anthology of filmic love letters to NYC, which opens this Friday. Our first girl is Rachel Bilson, who holds a special, warm, pillow-topped place in my otherwise jaded heart. If only she wasn't engaged to Anakin Skywalker we could run away together and live happily ever after on a tropical island, relying simply on coconut milk and intense passion as sustenance. I'd even forgive her for starring in Jumper, and that takes a ton of will power on my part. I mean, did you even see that movie, Rachel? Not even Sam Jackson's platinum blond hair could save it. A word from Rachel: "It's great playing someone who is not like me at all. I'm really a nice girl, so it's fun to be a bitch, then come home and be myself again." I feel the same way about my role at work. Boy, do I act like a big, catty bitch around the office. It's all about "Talk to the hand" this, and "Have some scalding hot coffee in your face" that. It's exhausting to keep up the persona. Here are some pics of a nice girl being naughty after the jump!
We're surprised it took the Adult Entertainment wizards this long to come up with this, but after having headed into its fourth season, Showtime's "Dexter" has been honored with its own porn spoof. Sort of ironic that a show whose marketing campaign has been so reliant on clever puns has had to wait that long for an industry founded on puns (and intercourse) to do a sexy sendup. For those of us not counting back end points, this is way cooler than syndication… The official press release, courtesy of the very NSFW news publication Porn Valley News (which we can't even link to because it's so dirty), reads:
(The hands that won the Superbowl.) Would you like to see a trailer for Joss Whedon and Drew Goddard's subversive horror flick The Cabin In The Woods? Well, friend, look no further than right here… about a year from now. MGM has announced that they are pushing the film's release date to early 2011(!) so that they may convert the film to 3D and capitalize on the hot, new trend. Sounds like a risky plan to me. Anything could happen between now and 2011. The financially-shakey MGM could go under; 3D could be yesterday's news; Whedon's fans may get girlfriends who won't let them watch horror films; or we could all fall victim to the dreaded Y2K10 Bug which will wipe out all technology as we know it. (Shock Til You Drop) Here's some more junk that pertains to the screen… Rampage rocks the 'Hawk (Latino Review)Neil Marshall to Burst the 3D Horror bubble (Empire)Anvil are blowing up too (Superhero Hype)Tara Reid succumbs to the inevitable (WENN)The Georgous Ladies of Dr. Who (Gunaxin)
Director: Lee UnkrichCast: Tom Hanks, Tim Allen, Michael Keaton, Joan Cusack, John RatzenbergerSynopsis: Woody, Buzz and the rest of their toy friends are dumped in a day care center when Andy departs for college.
"You know, sometimes I think I'd rather have my old wife-murdering neighbor back." Sorry, Jimmy. You'll have to settle for the fat nerd and these links:How To Convince Your GF That The House Is Haunted (HolyTaco)Matt Holiday Blows It For The Cardinals (TotalProSports)Caught Red Handed Lookin' At Boobies (TheChive)Terry Gilliam's Favorite Animated Films (FilmDrunk)The 10 Greatest Books Adapted Into Movies (SuperTremendous)The Boogieman Project Round II (Pajiba)Miley's Boyfriend Forced Her To Quit Twitter (CelebJihad)14 Coolest Guitar Hero Guitar Mods (Unreality)World's Larget Pumpkin Cannon In Action (Asylum)Why We Love College Football: A Gallery (BustedCoverage)Backyard Wrestling Ends Badly (RegretfulMorning)How To Make A Perfect First Impression (MadeMan)Audrina Patridge Thinks She Loves NASCAR (AllLeftTurns)Soccer Player Brutally Kicked In The Head (NothingToxic)Where Does Chocolate Milk Come From? (Atom)
Becki Newton plays Amanda on Ugly Betty, which starts its new season tonight on ABC. She's sassy, sexy, and seems to like to get wild underneath the sheets. Now this is all based on Amanda's character traits on the show, mind you, but it's comforting to assume that Becki herself also possesses these proclivities. Bad news is she's married. Booooo! At least one thing is evident in the picture above: Becki likes pearl necklaces. And this means only two things for her husband. He's doling out a ton of cash at Zales or, he's doling out a ton of…well you get how double entendres work. A word from Becki: "I make myself laugh all day long."Sounds like a serious debilitating disorder. If this laughter is involuntary you might want to run the problem by your physician. He could prescribe you some medication, or wrap you up in a straight jacket. Don't let the latter option deter you from seeking help.Here are some pics that'll keep you smiling all day long after the jump!
Couples Retreat is sponsoring Break Media this week, so I’m going to go ahead and describe the film as a hilarious look at real world problems faced by married couples.But when it comes to looking at the real world problems of married couples, not all films are so friggin' hilarious. In fact, some movies might just ruin your crappy marriage!If you ever want to get married, or you‘re already married and want to stay that way, I recommend you avoid these seven films like Bryan Singer avoids vagina.(Click on the posters to watch each movie's trailer.)Private Parts
The online campaign to convince comedian/cuckoo bird Tracy Morgan to join Twitter has bore fruit. The 30 Rock star joined the micro-blogging site yesterday in order to give his eager fans an inside view of his mind. In that time we have learned, "my d*ckhead is shaped liked a darth vadar helmet. my d*ck is so fat it looks like r2d2." And, "I'm on the street turning good girls bad and getting them pregnant!!!" When asked for comment Sh*t My Zombie Sez, tweeted: "BBRAAIINNSS"!!! Well said. Well said. (Tracy Morgan's Twitter) These links are pregnant with information… Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans trailer (/Film)Dexter: The Animated Series (Dread Central)Andy Serkis's mo-cap of Ian Dury is uncanny (The Playlist)The Lovely Bones poster is lovely as expected (First Showing)The Saw guys buy Chainsaw (Empire)
The Mayan calendar was right. John Cusack's acting credibility will end in 2009. Make the mourning period easier with these links: 25 Bachelor Frog Memes (HolyTaco) 20 Hot Women In Painted-On Jerseys (TotalProSports) Asians Are Totally Normal, Not Weird At All (TheChive) Nick Nolte's Son Popped For DUI (FilmDrunk) Top Ten Bone Crushing Hits In Youth Football History (SuperTremendous) 50 Greatest Animated Films Of All Time (Pajiba) Miley Cyrus And Three Brown Chickens (CelebJihad) 15 Funny Signs With Changed Lines (Unreality) Birth Contol Can Make You Look More Attractive (Asylum) Why Going To Ole Miss Alabama Game Is Fun (BustedCoverage) 7 Drinking Games From Around The World (RegretfulMorning) Google Maps Just Got A Whole Lot Sexier (MadeMan) 5 Reasons Why Kasey Kahne Is Doomed (AllLeftTurns)
Alison Brie is pulling double duty this season, starring in two critically acclaimed shows. One is a compelling drama and the other a chuckle-loaded comedy. It must be quite a challenge transforming from Pete Campbell's doting wife on Mad Men to uptight college student Annie on Community. I wonder if she ever gets them mixed up? Does she ever arrive on Mad Men as her Annie character, giving her husband sass instead of a neat scotch? No, I imagine she'd get a slap across the face from Matthew Weiner for such insubordination. And if it were vice versa on the set of Community, you'd better believe Chevy Chase would berate her until tears rolled down from those big, blue eyes. We could hope it would all be in good fun, but back in the day Chevy used to make actresses cry for sport. A word from Alison: "When I was in college and growing up I was like, 'It's comedy for me! I'm so funny!'"Take it easy there, Alison. You've proven yourself as a dramatic actress, but we still haven't seen enough of the sitcom to be convinced of your comedic chops. Talk to the writers and see if they can work in some pratt falls and spit takes, and possibly a bottle of seltzer water. Then you're sure to get our vote.Check out more pics after the jump that are funny in a hot way!
This week, the paparazzi caught Tom Cruise on his trip to Harvard to watch his entertainment lawyer lecture a class of future legal eagles. This is what might have transpired had Cruise decided to stay in school. Today's Marquee Links20 Women with Painted-on Sports JerseysFemale Fans of the Chive [A Photo Gallery]
Tosh .O Best of the Worst Promo New Eps Oct 8th Thursday – Watch more Funny Videos
The latest trailer for "The Imaginarium of Dr. Parnassus" is up over at Yahoo and it's more mind-bending than you would expect from Gilliam. The movie looks incredible and could be the one that allows Terry Gilliam to reclaim his place on the A-list. Tom Waits as the Devil and Jude Law as Heath Ledger? Insane. The trippy visuals look like what you would see if you played Candyland while smoking Salvia. Which, incidentally, I have a ton of if you're interested in buying. Just come find me in my van. I'll be parked near the food court at the mall. Trip the link fantastic… Is Gary Ross being strongarmed into directing Venom? (The Playlist) Don't take the freeway. New 2012 trailer (Cinema Blend) Big Show wrestles to save the orphanage (Empire) Peewee angers an army of nerds (Vulture) Vince Vaughn and Malin Akerman talk Couple's Retreat (Latino Review)
Paramount's low-budget scream fest Paranormal Activity is quickly becoming one of the best reviewed films of the year. But to this date, it's only playing in a handful of theaters. They're planning on expanding the film's distribution, but it's up to YOU to make that happen. Yes, for the first time ever, a movie's theatrical run will be democratized. You don't have to take our word as to just how F-ing scary good this movie is. But if you want to, you can read our glowing review here, or just check out the trailer, which gives virtually nothing away. But MOST IMPORTANTLY, you need to visit Eventful's site, where you can click a little "DEMAND IT!" button and essentially sign the petition to give Paranormal Activity a nationwide release. And don't we all love full releases?Be a part of movie history. Hell, click the button even if you don't want to see it. Of course, if you feel like reacquainting your pants with your feces, then we recommend buying a ticket to the flick, too.
The Messenger Trailer – Watch more Funny Videos Are you having a good day today? Maybe you're feeling a little too happy and you want to bring things down a few notches. Well look no further than this, the trailer for The Messenger, with Woody Harrelson and Ben Foster. They play military men who go door to door telling families that their loved ones have been killed in the war. It's like Publisher's Clearing House, only the checks are much, much smaller. Dry those tears with today's top links: Diary Of Letterman's Less-Attractive Intern Revealed! (HolyTaco) Another Craaazy High School Football Blunder (TotalProSports) Russian CSKA Cheerleaders Dress Funny (TheChive) The Talking Bluetooth Bear (SuperTremendous) Roman Polanksi On To Catch A Predator (FilmDrunk) Five Best And Worst New Shows Of The Fall (Pajiba) Megan Fox Poses Topless For Magazine (CelebJihad) South Park Kenny Is Made Of Cans (Unreality) 5 TV Show Casts That Need To Reunite (Asylum) Cheerleaders Make Breast Cancer Awareness Sexy (BustedCoverage) Hot Chick Smells Her Butt Crack (RegretfulMorning) How To Throw A Hauntoberfest Party (MadeMan) January Jones At Kansas Speedway (AllLeftTurns) Drag Queen Beats The Shit Out Of Drunk Thugs (NothingToxic) White Gorilla Wants To Party (Atom)
Julie Bowen stars as Claire Dunphy on Modern Family, and she's basically the Marge to Ty Burrel's Homer Simpson character. Or the Lois to his Peter Griffin. Like those animated female woman, she is also sexy and savvy, but more importantly she's a tangible human being. You've probably seen Julie all over television. She always seems to light up the screen with her classic good looks and clear complexion. She has her early commercial work for Neutrogena to thank for that flawless skin. Has anyone ever looked more lovely splashing water on their face in slow motion? I think not. A word from Julie: "It's lived in perpetuity, that big frozen orb of dyed hair."Julie is referring to her role as Virginia Venit in Happy Gilmore. Sure, maybe her hair looks funny in it, but I think most of us were paying more attention to the sprinkler-soaked white teddy she wore and the two pitchers of beer she was holding. Ahhh… dream sequences. I'll drink to that. Here are some more pics to raise your glass to after the jump!
Huge news that, if true, could produce a film that either rejuvenates one of the best comedy franchises in movie history, or could destroy the film industry forever. Yes, I'm talking about the fact that New Line/Warner Bros. have signed Wedding Crashers director David Dobkin to produce and possibly direct a National Lampoon's Vacation sequel. Now, I'm someone who doesn't even consider Vegas Vacation a part of the franchise. It's why I've enjoyed referring to the Griswold's misadventures over the years as, "The Vacation Trilogy." After all, "Trilogy" has a nice ring to it and aside from Rusty's Mr. Papageorgio subplot and the casting of Marisol Nichols as daughter Audrey Griswold… Vegas Vacation was about as much fun as arriving at Wally World only to find out it's closed for remodeling.
Today's Marquee Links:AskMen's Top 49 Men http://www.askmen.com/specials/top_49_men/
Following in the footsteps of Arnold Schwarzenegger and Danny Glover, Adrien Brody has signed on to battle alien big game hunters in Robert Rodriguez's Predators. Brody will play a badass fighting for survival on an alien planet alongside Alice Braga, Danny Trejo, Walt Goggins, Oleg Taktarov, Mahershalalhashbaz Ali, and Louiz Ozawa. Topher Grace is also rumored to be joining the project. I can't buy Adrien's "GRRR. I'm tough!" routine. Especially next to Danny Trejo, who will probably wear a Predator skin jacket by the end of the film. (Variety) Morning links… The Griswolds extend their Vacation (First Showing)Behind the scenes of 30 Rock season four (TV Squad)Ben Foster in The Messenger trailer (Apple)First look at Zoe Saldana in The Losers (Superhero Hype)A Zombieland sequel is on everyone's brain (The Playlist)A Tribute to Chunk (Gunaxin)
Pizza and maximum wailage!!! This is what suburban childhood in the 1980s is all about, and any of you who have ever crapped your pants from either fear or excitement from an animatronic, anthropomorphic animal rock band (from either Showbiz Pizza or Chuck E. Cheese) can attest to its seductive power. I remember going to Showbiz Pizza back in the mid-1980s and spending countless hours at the skeeball machine, trying to win enough tickets to get a sh*tty frisbee with the likeness of the keyboard playing gorilla on it… then getting said frisbee and finally winding down to watch a set from The Rock-afire Explosion while over-indulging in pizza. It's why my grandmother had to buy me clothes in the "Husky" section of Dillard's department store. Anyway, Rock-afire Explosion: The Movie, which is all about one man's love of the Showbiz Pizza house band – to the point of actually buying a set of them and recreating the experience in his garage – is now available on DVD. Rent it. Buy it. Anything. Just watch it. And if you think this is some joke, check out animatronic maestro Chris Thrash's youtube page. We recommend doing so while huffing mozzarella for the full experience. You will not be disappointed. Rock-afire out to today's Top Links! What Her Underwear Says About Her (HolyTaco) High School Football Fan Attacks Official (TotalProSports) Chuck Norris's Alleged Father Gets Shopped (TheChive) Top 49 Most Influential Men (AskMen) Aw Yeah, A (German) Showgirls Sequel (FilmDrunk) The 30 Coolest Robots In The World (SuperTremendous) It's Freaky Hybrid Baby Time! (Pajiba) Ghost Of Walt Disney Angry Over Jew Studio Head (CelebJihad) Ice Cube: Then and Now (Unreality) Sasha Grey Makes Health Care Sexy (Asylum) Michigan State Chick Gets Into Mud Wrestling (BustedCoverage) 15 Favorite Sports Cars: Then and Now (RegretfulMorning) Jewelry That Is Man-cceptable (MadeMan) Frasier, Meet Cal Naughton Jr. (AllLeftTurns)
You might be admiring Stephanie Jacobsen's unique and compelling physical characteristics. I don't blame you for such admirations. Stephanie is part Portuguese and part Chinese-Norwegian-English. If you were ever wondering what those nationalities look like when you mix them all together and turn them into a female form now you know; they look hot. Stephanie is bringing some Portchinegianish flavor to the centrally located pool in the Melrose Place apartment complex this season as Lauren Yung. Let's just hope her beauty and brains can fend off the inevitable backstabbing bitchiness that comes with the swank territory. A word from Stephanie: "I had some problems after flying for 21 hours and rolling off a plane onto a set and then standing for 14 hours in those military boots."That's why you can't live in Australia, Stephanie. It takes too long to get to L.A., where all the movie magic happens. Plus your Battlestar Galactica military boots must be a complete nuisance at airport security. There's really no good way to explain futuristic footwear to the TSA. See more of what Portchinegianish looks like after the jump!
Hey there, non-believers! It's about that time of year again, time to reject someone else's reality and come up with your own! That is, if you buy into the whole "Mythbusters" tagline (which, we have to admit, is a pretty good one.) In the upcoming Fall '09 premiere of Discovery's mega-hit "Mythbusters" – airing Wednesday, October 7th at 9pm ET/PT – hosts Jamie Hyneman and Adam Savage stir the scientific establishment's pot once again, and if any of the clips below are an indication, they'll cook up quite the batch of chili con carnage. The first clip challenges the theory that if you take two bullets and drop one from a certain height while shooting the other from a gun at that same height… that they'll hit the ground at the same time. Jamie? Adam? I REJECT YOUR REALITY!!!
MTV has unveiled new a poster and a pair of stills from the upcoming Boondock Saints II: All Saints Day. The movie tells the tale of twin brothers who have a penchant for filling the criminal underworld with holes (it was either that or bore them to death with scripture). Finally a poster worthy enough to hang near your The Crow: Stairway to Heaven standee. The stills depict irresponsible weapons handling as well as a group shot that I deem The Hungover Matrix. Check out these links before they get unnecessary sequels… Letterman admits it was his bad (Vulture)MTV will air DJ AM's Gone Too Far (Reuters)A clip of del Toro's Splice (Latino Review)Kevin Smith might cast Wil Wheaton (First Showing)Chris Evans and Sharon Stone to pork on camera (Empire)
Totally Awesome 1960s Tantrum Dance – Watch more Funny Videos BoingBoing posted this video and it was too good to not share with you all. It's a clip from the 1967 film The Cool Ones, a scene which demonstrates the dance that accompanies a song called "The Tantrum," which apparently was designed for white folks with no rhythm. Is it just us, or does that lead guy look a little like Robert Redford? Also, look for the guy trapped in the furnace, forced to look longingly at the outside world, his cries going unheard as the caucasian kids are overcome with the spirit of herky-jerky, arrhythmic body movin'. Jerk rhythmically or arrhythmically to these links: Flowchart: Should You Go On Vacation With Your Girlfriend (HolyTaco) Jennifer Mueller Is Mark Sanchez's New Target (TotalProSports) Smokin' Hugo Boss Ball Girls (TheChive) Twilight New Moon Hot Topic Collection (FilmDrunk) 10 Greatest Game Show Hosts Of All Time (SuperTremendous) Madonna Vs. Lady Gaga (Pajiba) Jon Minus Kate Plus $200,000 (CelebJihad) Modern Warfare 2 Trailer Is Jaw Dropping (Unreality) The Best Plus-Size Halloween Costumes (Asylum) Bruins Opener Highlighted By Boobs-On-Boobs Action (BustedCoverage) 6 Sexual Records You Shouldn't Be Proud Of (RegretfulMorning) 9 Hottest Mistresses Of All Time (MadeMan) Earnhardt Losing Streak Reaches 50 (AllLeftTurns) How To Get Fat Girls Off Your Truck (NothingToxic) All New Legend Of Neil (Atom)
(I wonder if she wears that helmet while directing.)Drew Barrymore's directorial debut underwhelmed at the box office this weekend despite critical praise. The people who did head out to the theater only have positive things to say so this may be a movie that finds its audience through strong word of mouth.At any rate, in honor of the roller derby flick's face plant we thought this was the perfect opportunity to present to you these epic skate fails.