Remember when I said they'd make a Commando sequel before they'd reboot the film? I lied. Actually, I never said anything about anything. But the rumors have started flooding in, and Slashfilm has found several instances of corroborating evidence that indeed, a Commando sequel just might be in development… and that it might have a star already willing to take up the John Matrix mantle. The trail of clues starts in Australia, where, according to JoBlo, there's an article in a magazine called RCI that simply states a remake is being developed. Okay. But what of it? I heard Fox just optioned the remake of Tom Rothman's dream he had last night, a dream that was essentially a reënvisioning of Garfield 2. But there's more. CineFools.com also has picked up on the possibility that Dwayne Johnson is attached to the film already. I don't know how I feel about this. I think I have to meditate on it by watching the GREATEST opening credits sequence of all time… from the original Commando. You can watch it, too, after the jump.
Different smart people are always debating what it is that movies are supposed to do for us. From "transcending the emptiness of our modern lives" to "reflecting our secret desires," somebody always has some crackpot theory about what a movie means. So what does it mean that dudes getting interrupted while wanking it is in almost every kind of movie you can imagine? Drama, Coming of Age, Suburban Comedy, 1990's Hip Hop parody comedy. Here, in an intro to the genre, we present you with a survey course, Movie Masturbatus Interruptus 101. AMERICAN PIE
A new episode of "Man in the Box" went up today, and while it's not movie or TV related – not in the least – it still happens on a screen, so… yeah we're stretching. But it's a particularly funny episode, and any piece of original content that has the line, "Why don't you just go bang REO Speedwagon, then!" has our seal of approval. TODAY'S TOP LINKS. VISIT THEM! ENJOY! YOU'RE WELCOME! Leah Dizon Is Hot Lose Your One Night Stand Bruno's Lawyers Attack! 10 Freakish Youtubers Keyboard-Mouse Combo 10 Worst Superhero Lays 5 Diabolical Animals Tribute To Spencer Pratt Female MMA Champ Best Triumph Moments You Deadliest Catch! Top 10 Bikini Flick Scenes Pick Up Soap In Jail Finals Halftime Tweets Moon On 'Burn Notice'
Above is the first official look at Mickey Rourke as baddie "Whiplash" in Jon Favreau's Iron Man 2: Our Secrecy Has Become Self-Parody. Originally, the character of Whiplash was female, but has since been reënvisioned as a dude whose real name is "Marc Scarlotti" within Marvel's Ultimate line of titles. Here's a pic:On the downside, the Rourke version of Whiplash kinda looks like a pirate from the future. On the upside, the Marvel comics version of Whiplash looks like DC Comics' Bane character. And something tells me that the image of Rourke is pre-official costume. That "something" is the official Iron Man 2 Whiplash concept art, which you can see after the jump.
Kudos to you, Mark Paul Gosselaar, for being able to make fun of yourself. Kudos, to you, sir! Last night on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon, Mark Paul Gosselaar, currently starring in "Raising the Bar" on TNT, showed up in full "Saved By the Bell" Zach Morris regalia, and did a classic Zach Morris direct-address to camera. It was kind of uncanny how much he can still pull off Bayside High's coolest student ever. The phone you could choke a horse with played no small part in selling it. Say what you want about Jimmy Fallon as a host. He's still finding his legs. But you can't deny he and his team of writers – including head staffer A.D. Miles from "The State" – are coming up with some material that rivals Conan's Late Night crew.
The Goods: Live Hard, Sell Hard Red Band Trailer – Watch more Movie Trailers Check out the trailer for The Goods: Live Hard, Sell Hard starring Jeremy Piven. It's all about a car salesman, is being produced by Adam McKay and Will Ferell's Gary Sanchez, and seems a lot like the tone of the August Blowout car salesmen script that McKay and Ferrell scripted some years ago. Hell, it might be based on that script. I don't know. I don't care. I'm too busy laughing tonight for research. Top Links of the Day: Meet Carin Ashley 24-35 Year Old's Facebook 'Accidents Happen' Trailer Legos Caught Fornicating Tennis Ball Gadgets New Scream Trilogy? 6 Sex Myths (That Are True) Drunken Monkeys Learn To Fight MMA Style Cameron, Fincher Join 'Metal' Bill O'Reilly Is Wrong Phil Ivey Makes $12 Million A Gallery of Pee Stains Old School Beer Ads The New iPhone Tidbits Heisman Frontrunners Front Flip Gone Wrong Metal Gear Spoof Javier Bardem Does Chick Flick?
The Snuggie. You may not own one, but you probably know someone who does, or at least you're familiar with the "blanket with sleeves" that's become a bit of a internet meme. It's such a ridiculous yet attractive product that it's managed to seep its way into mainstream media, making appearances on shows like "30 Rock," and "The Big Bang Theory." And much of its popularity seems to be based on this really lo-fi – some may say terrible – commercial. Snuggie Commercial – Watch more Funny Videos
EMBED-HUNG Trailer – Watch more free videos If you've been wondering what Alexander Payne has been doing since Sideways look no further. He directed the pilot for this HBO comedy about a down on his luck high school PE teacher (Thomas Jane) who decides to take advantage of his biggest asset by becoming a male escort. And if you can't figure out what that asset is by the title of the show then you're in for quite a surprise. HUNG premieres on HBO Sunday June 28th at 10PM.
Tonight! Kicking off his week-long historical broadcast from Iraq – the first time any show has broadcast from a tour entertaining U.S. Troops – Stephen Colbert dons a camouflage suit, and shaves his head in support of our men and women overseas. In this show, Colbert's first guest, General Ray Odierno (pictured above) received a message from President Obama ordering him to shave Colbert's noggin. Spoiler alert! His hair will grow back thanks to genetics. Image courtesy of AP Images[via Perez Hilton]
Above: Power Suit from Avatar on display at E3This morning, SlashFilm's Russ Fischer made a mega post about Avatar in which he compiled everything he has been able to gather on the film from his trusted sources and from producer Jon Landau's presentation at last week's E3 conference. (UbiSoft's Avatar game will be released concurrently with the film). Head over to SlashFilm for all the goods, or check our our Cliff Notes version after the jump – BOTH CONTAIN SPOILERS!
Being a movie star is hard. You have to deal with all those fans constantly wanting your autograph… the measly millions of dollars made every movie (barely enough to pay…
The big news in basic cable this weekend was that Stephen Colbert, comedian and host of Comedy Central's "The Colbert Report" has arrived in Iraq for a week of taping the program from an actual war zone. It's a bold move on Comedy Central's part and, depending on your definition of "war zone," potentially a very brave move on Colbert, himself. But some could argue that Colbert still has a lot of work to do if he wants to rival his colleague, "The Daily Show" host Jon Stewart in the race to be dubbed a Real American Hero. Loyal reader Ron Najor made such an argument in an impassioned email sent to Screen Junkies this weekend, and we liked it so much, we thought we'd publish it. Unlike the majority of posts on SJ, this is a completely serious rant. But don’t panic. We embedded some funny clips.
I have nothing to say about this image other than a) Thank you,SickPigs.com for bringing this masterpiece to my attention and b) if you are the person responsible for this masterpiece and you like "Dexter," then I have a Dexter Bobblehead courtesy of Showtime Networks for you. Just email us with evidence at email@example.com and we'll reward you. Today's Top Links: Christina Marie Red Carpet Moments Nick Cage Hires Witch Doctor NBA Finals Girlfriends Microsoft's New Gaming Best Performances of 2000s Why Does TV Suck? Star Wars/80s TV Mashups Brock Lesnar Smashes Odor Actresses Get Ripped Women Make Men Dumb Warrant Over One-Piece Etiquette Issues 5 Types of Dog Owners Cooking With Beer Fight Turns into Strip Clash Of The Titans Pic Modern Day Jesus Pwned in an Elevator Congressman Protests NBA
Today, Summit released two new clips and six new stills from the upcoming Kathryn Bigelow-directed war movie, The Hurt Locker, opening June 26th. The first clip, entitled "Die Comfortably," features loose-cannon Staff Sgt. William James (the badass Jeremy Renner) resigning himself to the fact that if the bomb he's diffusing goes off, his armor isn't doing squat to save his life. The other clip, which you can watch after the jump, is called "Cell Phone, Two O'clock," and gives a tiny clip of the film's tension quotient, as St. Matt Thompson (Guy Pearce) – bedecked in full blast suit and all – is compromised by an insurgent with a cell phone-cum-detonator. And the guy's got Thompson's number… on speed dial… Check out the clip after the jump. We'll have a review for anxiety-inducing The Hurt Locker coming soon, but suffice it to say my sphincter was clenched the entire movie so as to avoid dropping a deuce in the pristine Wilshire Screening Room. And I want to be invited back there.
EDITOR'S NOTE: After posting what we thought was a funny riff on Mike Tyson – essentially a fake "on set journal" kept by the famed fighter during his work on The Hangover – some of our readers made it known that in late May, Tyson suffered the tragic loss of his 4-year-old daughter, Exodus. We agree with these readers that right now is not the time to be placing a humorous spotlight on Tyson, and have removed the original post. Screen Junkies offers our sincere condolences to Tyson and his family.
IT MIGHT GET LOUD TRAILER – Watch more Funny Videos In directing An Inconvenient Truth, filmmaker Davis Guggenheim basically managed to make a guy in a suit giving a Powerpoint presentation engaging. So it stands to reason that his upcoming film, It Might Get Loud, which gives an intimate look into the lives of guitar gods new, old and middle aged – Jack White, Jimmy Page and U2's The Edge, respectively – will be the documentary equivalent of a 90-minute H.J. An H.J. with a most bitchin' soundtrack. An H.J. with at least three solos involved. But not a solo H.J. That's just masturbation. Read more on the project and check out some production photos of the legendary guitar heroes after the jump. Try not to throw your panties at the computer.
THE Final Destination Trailer – Watch more Movie Trailers The new trailer for The Final Destination – a title that either means it's THE definitive chapter in the series, or the filmmakers are huge Ohio State fans – premiered today, and we have it (above). I've been a fan of the Final Destination films. They're good, schlocky fun and don't pretend to be anything else. This one's in 3-D, no less, and I can't think of a more perfect type of film to make egregious use of the ever-improving 3-D technologies, until they figure out holographic porn. That's when James Cameron quits. Today's Top Links: Mandy Ashford! Best Stoner Food! Kate Winslet's B****r! LOL Sexy Mannequins! Super Mario Galaxy 2! Sh*tty Crossover Flicks! Evil CG Pigeons! Colbert Talks Sue-age! Best Superpowers! Awkward Family Photos! Over-Caffeinated Food! New Metal Gear Solid!
Last week, Anna Friel made Screen Junkies' list of 12 Actresses You Should Know, and after Land of the Lost hits this weekend, you should know her very well. We had a chance to sit down with Anna at Universal's Land of the Lost press day in Hollywood, and record what she had to say. Here's some of that chat. We had some fun with the real audio to help give it a little more context. Yes that's right… context! Enjoy. Anna Friel Talks LAND OF THE LOST – Watch more MOVIE TRAILERSCheck out photos of Anna After the jump!
On Friday, Land of the Lost hits theaters. Somehow, Will Ferrell, Danny McBride, and Anna Friel are hurled back in time. We here at Screen Junkies decided to take a closer look into movie’s most iconic time-traveling devices. Truly, any time machine is pretty cool, but given a huge selection of methods, we’ve pinpointed our favorites.(Click image to Cretacious Era-size it) What is your preferred time traveling device? Give your position a voice, so that we can help push the inventors into the right machine for adventures into the time-space continuum. If you don’t travel in time in style, boy, you aren’t travelin’.Oh and for those of you pissed we didn't include TARDIS… maybe because it's TOO SOON, MAN!
Ridiculous Dead Snow Promo – Watch more MOVIE TRAILERSOur friend Dustin Rowles over at Pajiba stooped below his normal level of journalistic excellence in order to bring everyone's attention to this ridiculous promo for Dead Snow, the Norwegian Nazi Zombie horror flick we posted the trailer for a few days back. If anyone can spot just how this video pertains to the film, you win a Screen Junkies tee-shirt. You know how confident I am that you won't find a direct correlation? Because we don't even have Screen Junkies tee-shirts right now. (If you'll settle for a Holy Taco one, that's a different story.) Today's Top Links: Josh Brolin Is Cowboy Two-Face (FilmDrunk) The 10 Greatest Conan O' Brien Characters (Manofest) Hot Tiffany Joy Gallery (GorillaMask) 5 Kinds of People Who Dont Pick Up Their Dogs Shit (RegretfulMorning) Cartoon Chicks Brawling (TheBachelorGuy) Rick Santorum Dating Advice (Asylum) Recent Grads Twitter Page (Holytaco) THe Amazing Click-A-Chick (BustedCoverage) Sexy Lana Cox (Uncoached) Left 4 Dead Trailer (Unreality) The Electric Cherry (Walyou) Turkish Talk Show Brawl (NothingToxic) Sweet Tetris Orgy (Atomfilms) The Pour Elle Remake (Filmofilia)
Splash News posted this new photo of Tracy Morgan in Kevin Smith's buddy cop comedy A Couple of Dicks. No reports as to the full context of the scene, but it does appear that Mr. Morgan is dressed as a cell phone, and taking flight atop a bicycle. As this is a cop film, my guess is that he's disguised himself as the phone – a disguise that was compromised – and then he commandeered the bicycle as the foam phone suit proved too cumbersome for fleeing on foot. Then again, this could just be a Kevin Smith's metaphorical homage to our exponentially shifting communications technologies. I mean, the guy did direct Mallrats, after all. See the photo in its entirety – including just what Tracy is riding his bike away from – after the jump. [via ComingSoon]
We don't post a lot of game trailers on Screen Junkies, but this one for Bio Ware's new Star Wars: The Old Republic MMO game is too pants-crapping good to pass up. Marvel as some Sith badasses julienne some Jedi. All you foodies/assassins out there know what I mean! We'd like to thank one of our faithful readers, the man known as "Library," who brought this to our attention, while also making noting that the game's featured R2 unit "looks so retro, it's almost steampunk." Mr. Library, you are a junkie, and a scholar. Thank you for finding time in between your daily hentai viewings to submit content.
Pauly Shore is America's Great Divider. Even his blink-and-you’ll-miss-it appearance in a popular 42-second online film is enough to make people hate the whole thing and remind themselves and the rest of the Internet how much they hate him. LAST DAY DREAM – Watch more Funny Videos In an unprecedented move, Screen Junkies has completed the first ever survey of Pauly Shore cinematic scholars, as well as a few undergrads majoring in "Pauly Shore Studies," which some of schools in the UC system have made available as a path of metriculation. The results of our unprecedented survey demonstrate that there are basically only three Pauly Shore jokes, repeated in film after film. These are those jokes.
This evening, The Hollywood Reporter posted that Kurt Wimmer, writer of Street Kings, Equilibrium, Ultraviolet and the upcoming Salt , has been hired by Neal H. Moritz and Original Films to complete a draft of a Total Recall remake. They're calling it a "contemporized adaptation."All I'm saying is that I hope they don't go the CG-route with the three-boobed lady. At Screen Junkies, we prefer our mutated female breasts to be all-natural latex prosthetics.
This afternoon, Screen Junkies received an email from the man known as "Impeto," asking us if we might help spread his musical gospel to the online film community. We were skeptical at first. Impeto's broken English did not do him any favors in dispelling the thought that his email was part of an elaborate scam to drain the entirety of Screen Junkies' sizeable bank account. But Impeto's passion transcended the need for syntax (or coherence, for that matter). We watched the clip above and… well… we sh*t our pants a bit. We're calling it today, June 2nd, 2009: Impeto is the next great film composer. He may also have usurped Keyboard Cat's throne. If you can fight through the Impeto-induced tears, check out today's Top Links: MacGruber movie explodes into pre-production. (Film Drunk) Melissa Maria Gonzalez is Topless (Gorilla Mask) Review of Killshot with Joe Gordon Levitt (Pajiba) New 'Man in the Box' Episode! New 'Man in the Box' Episode! (YouTube) Are "Yoga Toes" heralding a new age of Porn? (Asylum) Cool Live Blog from E3 (UnrealityMag) Reservoir Dogs and Muppets = Hilarious (Sick Pigs) Alicia Silverstone's Daily Planner… Then and Now (Regretful Morning) Will Ferrell on "Man Vs. Wild" (The Bachelor Guy) Classic Works of Art… Updated (Holy Taco) Hooters Waitress Car Wash Returns (Busted Coverage) Norm McDonald: A Tribute to the Man That is Awesome. Period. (Uncoached)
Above is an extended promo for Fox's upcoming hour-long drama, "Human Target," based on the Vertigo comic book of the same name. As you can see from the clip, the show follows a badass named Christopher Chance (Mark Valley) who travels around getting paid to "be a vest." What kind of vest, you ask? A stylish, yet durable one that's also bulletproof. I'd like to think it's an elegant kevlar-wool blend in an earth-toned argyle pattern, because argyle will be back this Fall… just like Fox's sunday night drama time slot. "Human Target" also stars Chi McBride ("Pushing Daisies") and Jackie Earle Haley (A Nightmare on Elm Street, Watchmen). It is slated to premier in January, 2010.[Thanks to Bruce Simmons at ScreenRant for the video, and the info on the airdate]