News - Page 33

With this long-awaited project, we’ll be sure to let you know when things go wrong as well as when they go right.

If you want to see people chug donkey semen, you’ll have to go where our fathers went – Mexican border towns.

Charles Bronson versus wolves?

Better luck next year, ‘The Artist’.

‘The Wicker Man 2: This Time He’s A Ghost’.

Don’t worry, there’s no football this week.

Do it, damn it! It’s free.

He wants to trick us into thinking that wolves won’t eat us and our love ones at the first opportunity.

The studio decided to go in a different direction, citing the rising costs of bandanas and mustache bleach.

Not starring Chelsea Handler surprisingly.

The marketing people at Cinco are going to have a heart attack.

His parents are gonna be pisssssssssssed!

Yeah, more like Isliam Neeson.

I like this idea. I might not watch it, but I like it.

Reps for the star claim, “he wants to relax at home.” Like Gene Hackman.

Wardrobe by Urban Outfitters.

Her money would be much better spent on getting a clue.

When God shuts a Demi Moore, he opens a Chloe Sevigny.

The plaintiff here is so misguided that it compels me to side with Leno. This is shaping up to be a weird day.

In all fairness, Purina has been stepping up their game lately.

That’s why you never improve property you don’t own. A cold lesson here, folks.

That glow that you get after sex? I guess you can get that from cosmetics, too.

If you ever wondered how Matt Damon would fare in jail…better than you might have guessed.

The dog is a dog because of its dog-ness, or so Gottfried Leibniz would have us believe.

2012: The year clay animation became offensive.

It’s an honor just to copy and paste the nominations…

‘Variety’ did its job, but at what price. AT WHAT PRICE, VARIETY????

Impressive microphone holders.

No drugs or alcohol were found in his system. Scientists are baffled.

Hello, old friend.