News - Page 322

7 Best Paternity Results Reactions
Tuesday, January 20 by

FROM: HOLY TACO. Why someone would want to be confronted with paternity test results on national television is beyond me. But then I'm also not addicted to meth, Aqua Net, and Value Cigarettes. Click HERE to witness some of these amazing reactions.

Inauguration Extravaganza TV Preview
Tuesday, January 20 by

Barack Obama and his Super Friends take over all the stations for prertty much the entire day and night. You have every channel commenting on every single gesture everyone makes, with interspersed shots of really excited people screaming and jumping to be seen on TV at the biggest bash of all time. What, you're not drunk yet? I'm trashed! Surprisingly, FOX is running their regular schedule, which includes the return of Fringe. Welcome to the age of Obama!

Presidential Motorcade Gatling Suburban
Tuesday, January 20 by

I've been watching the MSNBC inauguration coverage out of the corner of my eye today. With the few delays– like Ted Kennedy having a seizure and a few gaffs– like Chief Justice John Roberts bungling the inaugural oath, it's been a pretty amazing day in DC, and the anchors have done a solid job. They spent some time talking about how cock-diesel the new Presidential Limo is. 5 inch thick blast proof doors, chemical attack-proof oxygen system, and other things we'll never know about. But what they didn't mention was that this bad-boy gatling gun suburban rolls behind it in the motorcade parade that's currently taking place. Hope and change are important and all. But if things go south, spraying a wall of lead is a nice backup plan. Check this video.

For Inaguration I’m Getting Some ‘Hores’ Link Time
Monday, January 19 by

This is basically the last night that you will sleep while George W. Bush is your president. For some of you this may be the sad parting of a hawkish visionary who's tough guy politics heralded in a new era of American dominance. Others may be puking joy as Commander Dickface heads back to Crawford or Dallas or wherever to hopefully wither into obscurity and never talk in a public forum again.  Whatever side you may be on, we will all most likely wake up tomorrow and things will basically be the same. Celebrate this new epoch of sameness with Screenjunkies and some of our link friends. Everyone Likes Sexy Commercials (UNCOACHED) Someone is Stealing the Jonas Brothers Underwear (Webster Is My Bitch) Planet 51 Looks Like Space Shrek For Jerkwads (Unreality Mag) GRAN TORINO REVIEW: GET OFF MY LAWN, GOOK (Filmdrunk) The 5 Worst-Selling Inauguration T-Shirts (Holy Taco)

MLK Day TV Preview
Monday, January 19 by

Here's a sobering MLK DAY factoid for you: 2000 was the first year all 50 states recognized it as a Federal holiday after it was passed as law in 1986. Ponder that a little bit, try to figure out why people wouldn't want a day off work, and then give yourself over to the TV. House is back in action tonight after a 4 week holiday break, and some terrorists are going to piss off Jack Bauer by flying planes into eachother. Your TV lineup after the jump.

Punch Drunk Thug: The Tyson Doc
Monday, January 19 by

I could spend all day listening to the quasi-poetic ramblings of boxing's greatest mouth.  Mike Tyson is the dream realized. Poor kid from a rough neighborhood, no formal education, rising to the top of his sport only to get busted for sexual assault and chewing people's ears off in fights. Now he's still got that face tattoo and a new documentary coming out.And if you are not one of the 6 million people that has see this 'best moments' comp, then do yourself a favor.

UPDATE: Joaquin Raps His Way To A Face Plant
Monday, January 19 by

I really hope that you are not out marching for racial justice on this historic MLK Day. Because WWTD posted a clip of Joaquin's AMAZING performance in Vegas this weekend.  Please watch the entire thing. And then please have your say. Is this all a joke or is Phoenix really having one of the most amazing on-camera melt-downs in Hollywood history?More Good Monay Morning Stuff:Ever Wonder What Happend To Steve Gutenberg? (IAMBORED)WATCHING NOTORIOUS IS DANGEROUS (Filmdrunk)Why Fart and Waste It When You Can Burp and Taste It? (Pajiba)WENDY MAKES AMERICA PROUD (Holytaco) 

Weekend What The F With Joaquin
Saturday, January 17 by

It just keeps getting weirder and weirder with Joaquin. We published an Op Ed that he penned a few months back about his experience as an actor. We also posted the video when he first announced that he would be quitting acting to pursue his "music." We later learned that that "music" would be rap music with rumors of an album produced by Diddy.  But this interview, done last night before his performance in Vegas is winning the battle of bizarre. Apparently Casey Affleck has been making a documentary about this entire process of Phoenix trying to launch his rap career. Which makes me think that this entire thing is just some awesome meta hollywood joke. Please let it be that. Otherwise the closest possibility is that he's addicted to model airplane glue.

Blood, Boobs & Biggie Weekend Movie Lineup
Friday, January 16 by

There's nothing more you could you ask for in a movie that has blood, boobs, and psychopathic killers–in 3D!!! My Bloody Valentine isn't going to be a critic favorite, it's just going to be freakin' fun as hell. Also this weekend– Paul Blart drives his segway around a mall, and Biggie Smalls comes back to cinematic life. But 3D Boobs always prevail. Always.

Ahmenajad Sees The World In 3D News
Friday, January 16 by

"Ah this Captain EO about which you speak has convinced me that the best possible weapon against the West is a paralyzing dance routine. We mush develop this capability now. Please find me this Magic Space Negro, and bring him to Tehran." JOAQUIN PHOENIX IS HIGH ON PCP (UPDATE) (Filmdrunk) Worst Wheel Of Fortune Player EVER (IAMBORED) Kate Hudson Looks Good In Leather (Hollywoodtuna)  Philip Seymour Hoffman To Direct Movie About Stoned Cab Driver  The Return Of 3D (Sound and Vision)  And one more video after the jizz-ump. 

George W: It’s Been Real
Thursday, January 15 by

  Dear Mr. President, My Name is Max Powers. I watch a lot of TV. Tonight you are going to be on TV. This is the last time that you are going to be on the TV (like all official as the president) and you will be giving your farewell goodbye-bye talk. I hope nobody throws shoes. They probably will not because you are giving the talk in America and not Durka-Durakastan. Do you ever watch The Office? Now that is a funny show. So is 30 Rock. They will also be on TV with you. Not with you, but like also on tonight. Sincerely, Max Powers. PS, Don't let the door hit you in your ass on the way out.

George: It’s Been Real
Thursday, January 15 by

Dear Mr. President,

‘UFC Primetime’ Episode 1 Recap
Thursday, January 15 by

FROM CAGE POTATO: We open with the hair-raising voice of punk-legend/TV host Henry Rollins: "They are bitter rivals from different worlds. A stone-cold champion from the frigid streets of Montreal, and a hot-blooded challenger from the black sands of Hilo Bay…" So begins the first episode of UFC Primetime, the "St Pierre vs. Penn 2" promotional mini-series that reportedly cost $1.7 million to produce, with each episode being completed just hours before it airs. Check out the full recap at Cage Potato.

Well Then What The F Do I Do With My Laserdisc Collection Morning News
Thursday, January 15 by

Jesus I want that bike and those shorts and that shirt and that TV.

Wednesday Night TV Preview With Extra Volcanoes
Wednesday, January 14 by

Take a breather, there's nothin' new tonight (except Knight Rider, where a bomb placed inside KITT will explode if he goes under a certain speed–Dennis Hopper's prob behind it). On the other hand, there's a rerun of the 2hr season 4 finale of Lost to get you super psyched for the return of the show, a top 10 countdown of the dangers associated with volcanic eruptions (#1 is skinny girls burn faster than fat ones), and a showing of Napoleon Dynamite. Dont worry, there's an eruption of TV premieres coming up (The Office, Battlestar Galactica, Friday Night Lights, House, Lost).

Morning links with humping T-800′s
Wednesday, January 14 by

Here's your morning news links from our trusted, if not somewhat perverted friends.CASTING HUNTER S. THOMPSON’S RUM DIARY (Filmdrunk)R.I.P. Prison Break (Pajiba)McG responds to Bay’s bitchin’(Filmonic)Crank 2 and Outlander Movie Posters (/Film)Fresh Prince Of Bell Air To Venture 20,000 Leagues Under Sea (Joblo)Karate Kid Remake Just Got A Dose Of Retarded Awesome (Playlist) 

Tuesday Night Preview
Tuesday, January 13 by

Tonight we have another full hour of new Scrubs on its new network, the most enjoyable aspect of Amerian Idol (the tryouts) and some Will Smith in I, Robot. Here's your daily digest of what's worth watching.

Best Audition For Anything Ever Period
Tuesday, January 13 by

Those kids in Norway LOVE that death metal. So much that they can almost scream to the point of making themselves puke their lunch (herring salad) onto their knee high lace up leather boots. I give the dude an E for effort. I would give him an A if the competition was to sound like a half-retarded cat caught in a wood-chipper.Thanks to Stan for the tip.

To Catch a Predator Rap
Tuesday, January 13 by

A few weeks back our fellow inmates at Holy Taco posted the Predator Rap. Now, as a followup, here's the official To Catch A Predator Rap. Kudos to these MC's.

An Orchestral Doogie Howser (SNL Digital Short)
Tuesday, January 13 by

It's cool that Neil Patrick Harris is able to poke fun at himself. I'd imagine it came from a meeting with an agent sometime in his early twenties where an Ari Gold type said "Listen. You can either die being known as a pussy little boy genius douche on that shit storm of a crap show or you can listen to what I say and let the world know how much you love hookers and blow. It's your career, jerkwad."

Monday Night TV Preview
Monday, January 12 by

The 24 premier-a-thon continues with 2 more hours of Jack Bauer tonight. The people over at FOX have also started a Terminator:TSCC blog that will be releasing weekly video podcasts about production of the show (and tons of other nerdy crap for us to chew on before the show premieres Feb 13th). Man vs. Wild premieres tonight, or poop your pants to a screening of the The Shining. 24 2 Hours starting 8/7c on FOX Jack Bauer (24) kills a terrorist vampire style on – Watch more Movie Trailer

You Just Got BACON’D!
Monday, January 12 by

Our pals at FOD just sent this over. There are some pretty damn funny parts. Im going to leave my office right now and go Bacon the ever living hell out of some unsuspecting people who deserve it. Also, I REALLY hope they make one of these with Gary Busey as soon as he is through shooting his current project for A&E entitled "I Am Bat Shit Crazier Than A Crap House Rat." It's a docudrama.

Golden Globes Photo Recaplet
Monday, January 12 by

(Kevin Connolly is 2.5ft tall) Awards shows are pointless. They are for gay dudes, lonely women, and people who work in the entertainment business. The Golden Globes last night showed just how utterly predictable most of them can be. Do you really need to have a panel of judges tell you that Heath Ledger deserved to win for The Dark Knight? No. You saw the movie and made your own decision, and it wasn't hard. But for some reason I still get a surge of pride when my predictions come true. It's basically like a long, drawn out game of Jeopardy.  With that said, here's the breakdown from last nights Globes, and a few pictures of hot women.

Weekend Movie Low Down
Friday, January 9 by

I missed my screener for Gran Tornio, so I can't give you my personal opinion of the flick. But word on the street is that it's a solid film, so it leads our list of recommendations for the weekend. There are also a few more worth checking out that do NOT involve Clint Eastwood growling racial slurs at minorities.

WORST OF THE WEEK PT 2: Salvaging Outer Space
Friday, January 9 by

You know when you put your hand in something really disgusting and you want to make other people smell it? That what Worst Of The Week is about. I get dog crap on my internet eyeballs and have to show it to others.  But instead of actual excrement, it's a clip or a trailer from a movie that  just should not have been made. A cinematic turd that makes you question why some people work so hard to make such garbage.  This weeks video is a beautiful little gem called Salvaging Space. And looks really, really bad.

Weeked Movie Preview
Friday, January 9 by

This weekemd you have the choice of watching a creepy devil child try to inhabit a beautiful brunette, or a grizzled old Eastwood battling some gangsters. Along with that, you have the premiere of the 7th season of 24, which will be awesome. The Unborn The Unborn Trailer 2 – Watch more Movie Trailer

Transformers 2 Teaser Poster & Your Daily News
Friday, January 9 by

From what I can tell by this poster, revenge is in fact coming. And it will be arriving on June 26th of this year, and it will have red eyes that look like they are back-lit by the bonfires of HELL. I'm not sure the best way to prepare for it, but I'm guessing everybody needs to be ready for SOME F'ING AWESOME EXPLOSIONS AND FIGHTING ROBOTS. Invest in fire extinguisher stocks, wash you're awesome-proof vest, and buy some new helmet polish: S$%& JUST GOT REAL. Here's some more news that we've been following.   

Thursday TV: The Orange Bowl & Salma Hayek as a Sexy Nurse
Thursday, January 8 by

Two Heisman trophy winners and two of the top most skull-crushingest teams, but only one National Champ. It's FOOTBALL night on the TV, with one little hitch. You have the choice of take advantage of Thirsty Thursday and catching the game at a bar OR staying home and piling two TV's on top of each other so you can watch the game AND the return of 30 Rock. Tonight's episode features uber-babe Salma Hayek as a guest in a nurse uniform. At least that's what the official NBC synopsis has lead our boners to believe. Decisions decisions gents.

The Expendables
Thursday, January 8 by

A team of mercenaries head to South America on a mission to overthrow a dictator.Director: Sylvester StalloneCast: Sylvester Stallone, Dolph Lundgren, Forest Whitaker, Mickey Rourke, Jet Li, Jason Statham, Randy Couture (!)Release: 2010

Feminine Lesbain Toothpaste FOTC Vid
Thursday, January 8 by

[NOTE TO OUR BREAK.COM VIEWERS: If you reached this post by thinking it was a video on Break.com, don't get pissed. Its still a Break video. We occasionally do these 'plugs' as a way to let you know about hot sites in the Break Media Network. Welcome to Screenjunkies.com-- a source for the latest reviews, recaps, news, and video about all things movies and TV. We've been working our tits off on this site and want you to check it out. ENJOY.]Flight of The Concords was one of the best new shows on TV last year. If you haven't seen it, then find a friend with HBO and tune in for the premiere on Jan 18th at 10 pm ET/PT.