DIRECTOR: Rob MarshallCAST: Johnny Depp; Penelope Cruz; Ian McShaneSYNOPSIS: Captain Jack Sparrow races to find the Fountain of Youth.
Let's thank the Internet for this nightmare image.Disney has given Ian McShane the executive order to stop shaving. Deadwood's pimp and murderer has been selected to portray the notorious pirate Blackbeard in Rob Marshall's Pirates of the Caribbean 4: On Stranger Tides. It's time to celebrate. Open the f*ckin' canned peaches!If McShane signs on, he'll be squaring off against Johnny Depp's Captain Jack Sparrow as he slurs and mumbles and gets slapped by women while trying to find the Fountain of Youth. Penelope Cruz has also joined the cast recently as Depp's atractivo sexualmente foil (translation: corset boobs). With these two casting additions, this could be a film to look forward to. Richardson has given it his seal of approval. (THR)
This pooch does not take kindly to Law & Order's classic theme. There's no telling if it's the "bum bums" or the "wah wahs" that rattle the canine brain, but I think we're ignoring the obvious. Richard Belzer has HUGE ears, people! They're so freakishly large! Large! Larf! Arf! ARF! (BoingBoing)ARF! ARF! ARF! (Here are today's links)10 Best Twist Endings in Movies (Moviefone)Have Porn Parodies Gone Too Far? (Asylum)25 Terrible Parents (HolyTaco)Mickey Rourke Needs a Condom (FilmDrunk)Hitler Sounds Off About USA's Victory Over Canada (TotalProSports)Tom Green Freestyles Better Than Xzibit (Unreality)The Green Ranger Rides Again in 2nd MMA Fight (CagePotato)Women Who Like to Get Wet (Maxim)Rachel Bilson Photo Shoot Outtakes (CelebJihad)DiCaprio May Wear Some Hammer Pants (Pajiba)A Video Chat Grosser Than Chat Roulette (Atom)Space Savers for Small Apartments (MadeMan)Miss Sprint Cup Paige Duke (AllLeftTurns)
We may have a problem on our hands as the combined might of college students and their Internet-savvy grandparents are realizing their strength. In the past week, not only have Facebook users managed to make a pickle more popular than Canadian ass-rockers Nickleback, but they may have also convinced Lorne Michaels to hire the dumb Golden Girl to host an upcoming episode of Saturday Night Live. A group of Betty White-heads nearly half a million strong took to the social networking site and petitioned for their favorite octogenarian to headline the show. And now Michaels is reportedly trying to put together a show that will work with White's advanced age. From Michael Aussiello:White would not be hosting alone. Rather, I hear SNL is putting together a “Women of Comedy” episode that would team the former Rose Nylund with several of her younger contemporaries. Ex-SNL MVP Molly Shannon is on board, I hear, and feelers have also been put out to Tina Fey and Amy Poehler.When told of the wellspring of support from her fans, White was reportedly thrilled/ready for dinner at 4pm. (EW)
I'll have what she's having.A handful of new stills from the upcoming A Nightmare On Elm Street remake have appeared online and it turns out that Freddy won't just only be running his claws along walls and pipes for dramatic effect. Yeah, we get it. He's proud of that glove. Smelting and soldering are hard. Showboating, burnt weirdo.Judging from the pics and trailer, this film doesn't stray too far from the original but the surprises they do throw in look like really cool additions. By that I mean, A Nightmare on Elm Street now with hotter chicks. (MovieGod)SLIGHT SPOILERS AFTER THE JUMP BUT ONLY IF YOU DIDN'T ASSUME TEENS WOULD SUFFER FROM QUADRUPLED WOUNDS…
Ana De La Reguera is best known for her role as the nun in Jack Black's mexican wrestling film Nacho Libre. She' been slowly making a recovery since that crapfest. Ana also kind of resembles Penelope Cruz, but less horse-faced.A word from Ana: "Brad Pitt has bad breath."Let me consult my dictionary here. Yep, that's a burn. Ana looks like she smells delightful in the pics after the jump.
Last month we reported that Mark Strong was considering playing Sinestro in Green Lantern, and now he's apparently made up his GD mind. DC Entertainment's Chief Creative Officer Goeffrey Johns revealed the news via his Twitter account the other day:Back from an amazing trip to Green Lantern town a.k.a. New Orleans!! Ryan IS Hal. And Mark Strong is going to be a brilliant Sinestro.Kilowog, the Guardians, Oa…all breathtaking. The age of Green Lantern is upon us!!He then went on to tweet:Found plastic beads in my stool this morning. Bourbon Street is CRAZY, folks! In case you were unaware, Blake Lively is also starring in the Martin Campbell directed Green Lantern. Ryan Reynolds is doing something in it too. Something less attractive than Blake Lively. (Collider)
A few years ago Natalie Portman started a production company named Handsomecharlie Films in order to develop projects that "better suited her tastes." Apparantly one of those tastes is the sweeeeet sticky icky.In addition to Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, Portman is now developing a stoner comedy called Best Buds about two female friends who take a road trip to their friend's wedding in order to save her by bringing her weed. It's said to be like Half Baked or Harold and Kumar except in this one the protagonists know what it's like to touch boobs. Between this project and Your Highness with Danny McBride, Portman could emerge as High Times Magazine's "Actress of the Year." Though it's an honor just to be nominated. (Pajiba)
Films only have a limited time to get their whole story across. If a crazy dragon thing is introduced on Pandora early in a film, you can bet your bottom dollar that the main Na’vi hero will be riding that dragon thing by forcing his sexual ponytail into it by the end. But sometimes, threads are introduced in films that really don’t add up to anything. Whether it’s laziness or stupidity no one can say for sure. Except me. And I say it is laziness and stupidity. Here are 9 movie plot threads that don’t really go anywhere.Batman Returns – Max Shreck’s Reverse Power Plant
Kevin Smith wants Seann William Scott to take it to the boards for his new hockey comedy Hit Somebody. The script is based on a Warren Zevon song with lyrics by Mitch Alborn that tells the story of a hockey enforcer who strives to score a single goal in a game. No deal is in place yet but this is who Smith really wants for the project. Having worked together most recently on Cop Out, Smith says of Scott:"I had all the elements in place, and the one thing I was missing was the personality. Generally I like to write to a voice, but I didn't know who that voice was or what that voice could be. And then after spending all the time with Seann on this movie, he's pitch perfect. He is that guy."He goes on to say:"I look at this as Seann's opportunity to go to the (Tom) Hanks level."What does that entail? Goofy wigs and AIDS dramas? If I were to cast a movie called Hit Somebody, my immediate choice would be to hire Sean Penn. (NHL.com)
Andrew Koenig, a filmmaker and actor best known for his portrayal of "Boner" Stabone on Growing Pains, has officially been declared a missing person. Koenig was last seen in Vancouver on February 14th but did not make his flight back to the U.S. on the 16th. Several friends and the Vancouver Police are working tirelessly to find the missing Koenig and urging that everyone take to the Internet to help get the word out. If you have any information about Koenig's whereabouts, please contact Detective Raymond Payette of the Vancouver PD at 604-717-2534.I was a huge fan of Keonig's work on Growing Pains when I was a kid. Please help spread the word. I really hope that Boner pops up soon. (via Maximum Fun)
Extremely attractive Asian actress Maggie Q is in talks to play the title character in CW's reboot of Nikita. You might ask, "Ain't dat role usually for a white b*tch?" and I would answer you, "Yes, only a white b*tch has played Nikita in the past." Anne Parillaud first played the sexy assassin in Luc Besson's 1990 film, followed by Bridget Fonda in the inevitable American remake, and Peta Wilson in the 1997 USA series.CW and creator Craig Silverstein's take on the story is that a new Nikita is being trained to replace the original one after she goes rogue. I can understand your feelings of meh-ness at this concept, but let me squash that indifference by telling you I have read the pilot script and enjoyed it thoroughly. There's tons of action, hot slightly older assassins (Nikita), hot teenage assassins (new Nikita), and witty dialogue. I'd say it's very much like Alias, but I was never a huge fan of that show so I'll say it's like…a better Alias. The casting choice of Maggie Q really seals the deal for me though. She almost kicked John McClane's ass in Live Free or Die Hard, and I expect her to succeed on all fronts in her new endeavor. Also, on the show, she should wear a tight leather suit when she isn't wearing a tight leather cocktail dress. Just a suggestion for ratings gold. (THR)
Seems the audtion process needs a few more checks and balances. Here are your weekend links.Black Hollywood's 10 Game-Changing Films (Moviefone)Zebra Escapes in Downtown Atlanta (Asylum)25 Dog Fails (HolyTaco)Make a Damned Pong Movie Already (FilmDrunk)This Cricket Fan Had One Too Many (TotalProSports)10 Celebrities Turned Muscle Heads (Unreality)The UFC Has No Loyalty to Anyone (CagePotato)Best Supporting Mustaches (Maxim)Megan Fox Looks Cold in W Magazine (CelebJihad)Leonardo DiCaprio Career Assessment (Pajiba)57 Seconds of Abuse (Atom)15 Great Jack Drinks (MadeMan)Dale Earnhardt Jr. Gear Contest (AllLeftTurns)
Conan O'Brien keeps finding ways to outfox NBC. Since refusing the network's attempt to eff him over, he went on to rip them a new one night in and night out on his ill-fated Tonight Show. Then he walked away with $44 million dollars of what can only be described as "F*ck You" money. A clause in the contract precludes him from returning to television screens until September of 2010 but the show must go on. There's news today that he's kicking around the idea of doing live shows across the country. Of course, he has all that aforementioned "F*ck You" money so why would he care about a few concert dates? Well, it would capitalize nicely with all the people who were suddenly with Coco, and that would help him secure a deal with another network. There's no word on what elements from his NBC shows he would bring along with him, if any at all. It would be great to see him do a few of his crazier bits and really let loose. I just hope that he doesn't break out his guitar. Oh crap. He's totally going to break out his guitar, isn't he? (Page Six)
What a punum on this one. The vein in the forehead really sells it for me. In this red-band clip from She's Out of My League, Jay Baruchel tries to hold it in for Alice Eve, but, understandably, fails. I WISH I had the opportunity to destroy a pair of Dockers due to Alice-Eve-friction on my sensitive areas. She wouldn't even have to touch. A simple glance would send me twitching and flopping to the ground. Oh pretty ladies, how they make standing in line at Subway such a chore. Tell us your birthday to check out the red-band clip here, and try to control yourself.
NBC premiered the first promo for Jay Leno's return to The Tonight Show during last night's Olympics broadcast. The results were not so good. Actually it's not entirely fair to call this a new promo. It's literally the same footage he used for his The Jay Leno Show promo with the Beatle's "Get Back" over-dubbed. Talk about polishing a turd. Get back to where you once belonged? I'll tell you where you can get back to, Leno. You can get back to, um, elsewhere. (Burned him.) Of course, Kevin Eubanks won't come along for the ride but for now we can seek solace in knowing that someone out there will ask the hard-hitting questions. Like, "Hey Vince Vaughn. What is your favorite sandwich?" For the record, the answer is all of them. Vince likes all the sandwiches.
Kate Nauta stars in The Good Guy this Friday, but you may better recognize her as the machine gun-wielding killer in the very impractical outfit from Transporter 2. Pink, lingerie, stilettos, and gobs of black eyeliner to blow someone's head off? Then again she might be using the sight of dewy side-boob to stun her victims. A word from Kate: "I never met a beer I couldn't handle."Beer's a little easy. Having never met a bottle of whisky you couldn't handle would be more impressive. Let's go out and you can impress me until your better judgement has dissolved. You can't handle the pics after the jump.
Sh*t My Dad Says is officially going to pilot at CBS with William Shatner in place as the crosspatch dad. The addition of the star/inexplicable-mountain climber with his complete awesomeness forced CBS to greenlight the multi-camera comedy.Written by Justin Halpern and former Screen Junkies editor Patrick Schumacker, the show tells the story of a young man who returns to the nest and the profane advice of his father. Shatner is a perfect fit. Just imagine him saying, "Don't mess with him…Trust me, you don't f*ck with a man that sleeps next to a woman he never screws. They're unpredictable." Actually, you could tell me that originally came from Shatner's Twitter and I would believe you.
Those tissues aren't for the tears. The new red band trailer for Kick-Ass tackles a subject very near and dear to all teenagers. The protagonist's dedication to making regular spank bank donations leads him to a higher calling: kicking ass without the help of super powers. I thought I'd be sick of more Kick-Ass footage, but the new trailer succeeds in its attempt to get me even more amped up. I'm thinking of stretching a pair of my neighbor's pantyhose over my head and putting an end to crime. I'll then be arrested for breaking into my neighbor's house and stealing her pantyhose, a charge I'll vehemently defend as a necessary evil. Check out the trailer below.
There's been a few new developments with the Spider-Man reboot that may have a positive effect on the unnecessary reboot. We already know that director Marc Webb recently met with James "Piss in the Soup" Cameron, but now there's word that he's met with another heavy hitter. Comics demi-god Brian Michael Bendis tweeted yesterday that he and the filmmakers had a meeting at Sony. He went on to comment, "very, very cool stuff!!"Bendis should know what is and isn't cool in the world of superheroics. He's written many of the best comics out there, including Ultimate Spider-Man, and has won five Eisner Awards. There's no word if Bendis will re-write the script or consult with story changes but the fact that they even met is a step in the right direction. My nerd boner is 19% chubby as of right now. But it could be easily deflated depending on what little f*cktard nabs the role of Peter Parker. (Bendis Twitter)
Don't worry, when there's no more heathens these saved survivors will take care of your pets. I just hope it's a single animal to a cage. Fraternizing gives my dog the runs. (Videogum)These links guarantee access to heaven. Hollywood's 10 Most Eeeeevil Actors (Moviefone)Traveling at Light Speed Will Kill You (Asylum)Epic Beard Man's Doodles (HolyTaco)Kevin Smith Won't Shut Up About Southwest (FilmDrunk)Shaq Turned Down by Shakira (TotalProSports)Most Random Superwoman Picture Ever (Unreality)Interview: Ben Rothwell Talks Cro Cop (CagePotato)California NASCAR Babes (Maxim)Justin Bieber Torments 3 Year Old Girl (CelebJihad)The Best Snow Movies (Pajiba)It's Really Hard to Tell a Girl You Love Her (Atom)How to Decode a Restaurant Menu (MadeMan)Auto Club 500 Odds (AllLeftTurns)
Today we get a second look at Oliver Stone's Wall Street 2: Money Never Sleeps via the international trailer. Even though we didn't ask for it. Thanks, I guess. This time around we learn a bit more about the plot. Michael Douglas is out of jail and lecturing a new generation about how to rob people blind. Shia LaBeouf stars as his idealistic ward who incidentally plans to marry his estranged son daughter. A bunch of cliché stuff happens and there are motorcylces and the Rolling Stones. Then Shia must choose between millions of dollars and dating a girl who looks like Justin Bieber. The End. Hey, remember 9/11? Seriously, what's up with Carey's hair? Try to figure it out after the jump…
The rights to The Terminator franchise have been something of a hot potato lately. Not the kind with rich, buttery goodness inside rather the kind with boring, underwhelming stories inside. MTV caught up with James Cameron yesterday to discuss the state of the series he created and whether or not he would return for a sequel. Now Cameron is a well-spring of awesome quotes and yesterday was no exception. From the HMFIC: "From my perspective, it's run its course… the soup's kind of been pissed in a little bit by other filmmakers, so I don't have any personal desire to go back to it." Well said, you loveable curmudgeon. Now please publish a phrasebook. Stay tuned for more Terminator news and whether or not more McG whizz bisque will ever grace the silverscreen. (MTV)
Candice Accola is best known for her role as Caroline Forbes in The Vampire Diaries. If you don't watch that show, she's best known as the hot girl you'd like to see more of. Preferably standing next to, or french kissing, her co-star Nina Dobrev. A word from Candice: "We hang at my aunt and uncle's house. We've been geeking out and making girly collages and cooking dinners and barbequing."All I read was, "Pillow fighting. Giggling. Pillow fighting. Barbeque." How are you going to get that rib sauce out of those white sheets?More pics of the hot girl you want to see more of after the jump.
I'm only writing this up because I wanted to search for pictures of Salma Hayek and Carla Gugino. Let's just take a moment to look at the above side-by-side.Don't rush me!Alright. Gugino is replacing Hayek in the role she bailed on back in January in the revenge thriller Faster. Dwayne "I'm Still Calling Him The Rock" Johnson plays an ex-con on a mission to avenge his brother's murder. A DEADLY mission. Conflict abound! Gugino will play the detective hot on his trail, looking to pin a decade-old case on the people's eyebrow. Hopefully The Rock will pin Carla to a decade-old headboard. Right before they do it sexually on a slightly vintage bedframe. Musty smells turn me on. (Variety)
Joss Whedon is looking for a few big nerds. The Buffy/Dollhouse/Dr. Horrible creator is currently searching for three fanboys or fangirls for an upcoming documentary about San Diego Comic-Con and nerd culture. He and Super-Size Me director/star Morgan Spurlock want to follow their subjects around for the three months leading up to this year's convention. Why they want three months worth of masturbating to anime footage is well beyond me.Filming is sure to be hectic on convention day when the crew loses Whedon due to his instantaneous blending in with the crowd. He's like a nerd chameleon. In all earnestness, this seems like a unique look at a growing counter-culture. I am a little bummed though that Spurlock will not be upping the ante of his previous works by remaining a virgin and living in his parent's basement for 30 years. (E!)
Jeremy Renner is undoubtedly on many a casting wishlist thanks to his Oscar-nominated performance in The Hurt Locker. But that doesn't mean you have to take every role Jeremy.The actor has confirmed he will take a role in James McTiegue's The Raven, a movie that centers on the final days of Edgar Allan Poe as he hunts for a serial killer inspired by his stories. I don't remember that from high school English. Appears that Ms. Fitzgerald was asleep at the wheel.But the really distressing news is that he's considering the lead role in Peter Berg's Milton Bradley-adaptation Battleship. He's interested in the role but needs to decide if he would rather take a super-secret role for which he's had five meetings. Trust me, Jeremy. Whatever the other role is, you want to take it over board game sailors fighting aliens. Don't throw away your Oscar goodwill before you even win it. And make sure to use hand sanitizer after contact with Mickey Rourke. It's the only way to prevent the spread of career suicide. (NY Times)
Never has CSI made me feel so cultured. VERILYYYYYY!!!!!Hereth be your linkeths. Where Do Oscar Winners Keep Their Oscars? (Moviefone)Top 10 Snowboarding Wipeout Videos (Asylum)25 Animals With Glasses (HolyTaco)More Fun With Avatard Forums (FilmDrunk)The Bacon Lombardi Trophy (TotalProSports)This Airline LOVES The Simpsons (Unreality)Video: Countdown to UFC 110 (CagePotato)The Bruce Willis Justice League (Maxim)Lady Gaga Definitely Doesn't Have a Penis (CelebJihad)Best/Worst Movies with ?s in Their Titles (Pajiba)Have You Ever Had a Really Good Friend? (Atom)8 Alternative Uses for Beer (MadeMan)Dale Earnhardt Jr. Contest (AllLeftTurns)
"Lucy, you can no play in da show tonight."Hugh Jackman has proven himself once again the manliest man who ever manned by signing on for the comedy Avon Man. The movie tells the tale of an out-of-work car salesman who begrudgingly accepts work as an Avon rep. He finds it emasculating at first but takes a shine to it when he discovers that shimmers really highlight his cheekbones. That and he charms women to buy his assorted creams and paints.The film will begin shooting in April with Enchanted's Kevin Lima behind the camera. No word yet who will be behind Jackman. (**rimshot! gets glared at by effeminent barista**) (Coming Soon)
We've reported previously about the Farrelly Brothers upcoming Hall Pass. It's the comedy that stars Owen Wilson as a man given a pass by his wife, Jenna Fischer, to pursue extra-marital ass-tappings for one week. Now there's word that child actor turned tappable-ass Amanda Bynes has joined the cast. Possibly as a young ass that will be granted tapping amnesty.That could be good but I've got an axe to grind with Bynes. She's one of those girls (Kaley Cuoco is another offender) who made goofy faces during their recent Maxim shoots. It's confusing for the penis. I hope she doesn't do that in bed. Like, all of a sudden she's winking at you while you're in the throws. She's definitely on my list and had better clean her act up if she wants to be on my other list. (Variety)