Editor's Note: The real Sylvester Stallone did not write this. By Sylvester Stallone Yo, Internet.
Director: TBDCast: Sylvester StalloneSynopsis: Rambo fights a werewolf or some sh*t. More TBD.
Describing a girl as a "screamer" can only mean one of two things: 1) she's exposed to terrifying situations rather often, or 2) she's unafraid to express her more primal emotions in the bedroom. Here's hoping that Rumer Willis' character Ellie in Sorority Row falls into both categories. Ms. Willis doesn't scream like her character. She's the daughter of Bruce Willis and Demi Moore, and no daughter of John McClane and G.I. Jane is going to be intimidated by some horrific, murderous stranger. She's simply too badass. A word from Rumer: "For me, I have a hard time watching those movies where it’s like 'I’m gonna rip your face off.'" James L. Brooks does get a little edgy at times, but if you can make it past the flesh ripping parts, he really elicits some powerfully moving performances from his often stellar cast of actors. Shirley MacLaine tearing her face off in Terms of Endearment does touch a nerve with me, though. Luckily, Rumer's face is still intact in the pics after the jump!
Awesome news out of Hollywood this morning. The Coen Brothers and their The Big Lebowski star, Jeff Bridges are reteaming to bring True Grit back to the screen. Bridges will be stepping into the role of Rooster Cogburn, originally played by John Wayne. Cogburn, a U.S. Marshall, will be tracking the killer of a 14-year old girl's father because that kind of aggression won't stand, man. Also rejoining the Coens is producer Scott Rudin, who previously worked with the siblings on No Country For Old Men. I can't wait to see them create another moody western and am excited to see how the spectacular Bridges handles this role. I'm literally quaking as if I'm having anime-induced seizure. (First Showing) These links will really tie your morning together… Where The Wild Things Are character posters. (IMP Awards)Stars return for Hancock 2, Earth yawns collectively. (Empire)Timothy Dalton joins Toy Story 3 to play Pants… Pricklepants. (Latino News)Werewolf: The Series totally c-blocked. (Dread Central)Browncoats unite! Firefly getting ripped off. (Pajiba)Rainn Wilson to don tights and wield a wrench. (Superhero Hype)
Black Dynamite Theatrical Trailer – Watch more Movie Trailers We all knew Michael Jai White could kick some ass. But who knew the man could sucker punch a funny bone like this? See for yourself in the above trailer for the new blaxploitation spoof, Black Dynamite. It looks, as they say on the streets, "official as a referee's whistle." The flick opens in limited release October 16th, and – February be damned – I declare October to be the new Black History month! And given that I'm about as white as D.J. Qualls after a two years of hibernation in his parents' basement, I'm guessing no one really gives a sh*t. Today's Top links are dy-no-miiiiiiite! 7 Annoying People On Your Company Softball Team (HolyTaco) Long Overdue Twilight Porn Parodies (FilmDrunk) Bowling Magicians Make Bowling Magic Happen (SuperTremendous) Five Bad Actresses Who Look Great In Leather (Pajiba) Blake Lively Airs Out Her Nipple (CelebJihad) 10 Most Memorable Torture Scenes In Movies (Unreality) Playmate-Filled 'Guitar Hero 5' Ad Ruined By Hef (Asylum) Eugene Mirman's Guide To Getting Groupies (Heeb) Dirty Play Taints Lingerie Football (BustedCoverage) Kid Loves/Hates His First Rollercoaster (RegretfulMorning) Fantasy Football: Week 1 Start'em & Sit'em (TotalProSports) Become A Brociate For Fun And Profit (MadeMan) Jesus Playing Sports Pic Gallery (AllLeftTurns)
You may remember Jamie Chung as Jamie Chung on Real World San Diego. She did a stellar job portraying her sexy self in the midst of angsty early-twenties adversity, homoerotic tempations, and sooooooo much booze. This Friday she stars in Sorority Row as Claire, a.k.a The Flirt. All we're saying is there's supposedly a topless hot tub scene. That's all we're sayin'. Oh, and "awesome." Now that's all we're sayin'. A word from Jamie: "It's a very strong, young, female role. And her name is Chi-Chi." Jamie, you're playing the chihuahua that constantly licked my face when I was but a young lad only knee-high to a tadpole?! Can I play me?! Wait, why not? But you played you on "The Real World!" Life's not fair… But these pics of you after the jump certainly are fair!
Joe Carnahan's big screen A-Team adaptation is gaining a lot of steam lately and it now looks like the final castmember is about to fall into place. Latino Review tipped us off to a report that Sharlto Copley has been tapped for the role of "Howling Mad" Murdock. Though he's pretty much a non-actor, Copley wowed audiences with his performance as Wikus in this summer's District 9. The end result will be interesting to see. Of course, a lot is riding on the character's on-screen chemistry with Quintin "Rampage" Jackson's B.A. Baracus. The danger here being that if they get along too well, Baracus will dry hump him. I strongly recommend that the producers implement the use of a safe word on set.
There's a lot of fancy talk going on about the new Tim Burton-produced 9, and why not? I haven't been this giddy to see a doll walk a dystopian Earth since I watched Pinocchio listening to Pink Floyd's "Dark Side of the Moon" – but I am pretty sure Pete Langham steered me wrong on that combo. There have been a lot of movies featuring a post-apocalyptic world, but none of them, and I mean none of them, are headlined by a 3-D rendering of a sock monkey (save for Kurt Russell in Soldier). But, this got us to thinking – what else should we be expecting in the years to come? And how do we know we're living it? Other Junk You Might Like: Nichole Jackson is Dressed to Impress
Charo Covers Rihanna… Poorly. – Watch more Funny Videos The above video, from a recent Jerry Lewis telethon, features fifty-something pop icon Charo covering Rihanna's "Please Don't Stop The Music." I recommend watching it en todo, but if you want to get to the best part, fast forward to about 3:05 in the clip. There you'll find a mortified Jerry Lewis making a face he probably hasn't made since the lights went up after the first screening of his directorial debut, The Day the Clown Cried. That's the one about the circus clown working Auschwitz. ¡Ay dios miiiiioooo! Here are today's top links: 25 Most Dangerous Squirrels On Earth (HolyTaco) Breaking News: Brett Ratner Is Lazy (FilmDrunk) 10 Funniest Moments In Muppet Show History (SuperTremendous) Disney Finally Recognizes African Americans (Pajiba) Miley Cyrus Sideboob Is Pedorific (CelebJihad) 10 Most Memorable Torture Scenes In Movies (Unreality) New NERF Tommy Gun Looks Like The Bee's Knees (Asylum) Show Me State's Hooters Bikini Car Wash (BustedCoverage) Paraglider Vs. Crowd Of Retards (RegretfulMorning) Monster Trucks Can Perform Backflips (TotalProSports) The USA's Ultimate Sandwiches (MadeMan) Best NASCAR Victory Celebrations (AllLeftTurns) Student Gets A Shovel To The Face (NothingToxic) The Shaman Takes A Trip To Burning Man (Atom)
Indian Superman & Spider-Woman – Watch more Funny Videos So Disney merges with Marvel. Warner Bros. forms DC Entertainment. It's just a matter of time before Dreamworks' Indian partners buy them all out and creates something like the above. But with slightly better green screen. Though, to the above film's credit, warts and all, it still looks better than The Spirit.
Briana Evigan first strutted her stuff up on screen as Andie in Step Up 2 (the number, not the word): The Streets. This Friday she stars in Sorority Row, but something tells us her character Cassidy ain't gonna sport half da fly pops and ticks of Andie. Can Cassidy tut while wielding an ax? Can she do flares while running for her life? What? That's an impossibility considering your feet need to be up in the air? Don't backtalk me! I choreographed the Cats revival in the alley behind my studio apartment. A word from Briana: "It's a West Coast thang." It certainly is, Briana. Just like In 'n Out burgers and the proliferation of hackneyed dreams. You can't see me, but I'm flashing you a Westside sign right now using my fingers in the shape of a W. I'll take the pics of you after the jump as a sign of mutual respect.
"A traveling underground fight club called 'The Brawlers' arrive at a derelict ghost town tucked away in the Colorado Rockies. They meet the town's only residents, the Maxilla family who want to buy on to the fight card. But the Maxilla family's true intentions for the Brawler crew is soon revealed in teeth and claws. Some will be hunted, some will be feed, and some will become part of the family…whether they like it or not."
Though it was bound to happen, I didn't think it would happen to MY generation. I thought, "Yes, it is eventual that a film combining mixed martial arts and werewolves together will be created some day but that's my children's problem. It surely won't occur in my lifetime." I was woefully wrong. Music video director Sxv'leithan Essex (?) is teaming up with the producer of Rise of the Silver Surfer to bring us Growl, a story about an underground fight club hunted by a family of werewolves. This movie is going to need a heavy soundtrack. Slipknot, warm up your amps. (First Showing) Wait a minute? Boxing? Werewolves?? I've seen this before…. but where? Step into the Octagon of Death with these links… Resident Evil hits the reset button. (Moviehole)Lord of the Rings lawsuit is settled. (Pajiba)Nic Cage craps out on Green Hornet. (Cinema Blend)LOST Art: Eric Tan's "The Crash" (/Film)Ne-Yo to battle aliens on behalf of Los Angeles. (Empire)Megan Fox: Evolution (MTV)
CLOONEY & VERA FARMIGAS FAUXM PARTY – Watch more Funny VideosIn this, the first teaser clip from Jason Reitman's upcoming UP IN THE AIR, traveling businessman Ryan Bingham (George Clooney) has a casual encounter in a hotel bar with Alex (Vera Farmiga) and it turns into a battle of hotel discount card one-upmanship. Then Clooney wins the war, flashing his credentials by pulling out a term he calls "fauxmy" – a cross between "faux" and "homey" to describe the behavior of hotel waitstaff. It's an impressive move to win Farmiga's character over, and one that Clooney would only have to pull in the movies, where he's seemingly always playing an "everyman." Which means that if I were to ever act in a movie, I would be playing a "talking butthole." And on that note, check out today's links: How To Enjoy A Strip Club On $30 (HolyTaco) Between Two Ferns With Zach And Charlize (FilmDrunk) 30 Ladies You'd Like To Serve You A Drink (Manofest) 5 Most Seriously Effed Up Movie Premises Of All Time (Pajiba) Lindsay Lohan Has DSLs She Won't Use (CelebJihad) Best Danny DeVito Clip Of All Time? (Unreality) Robot On The Loose In Florida (Asylum) Matisyahu's New Album Comes To Light (Heeb) Hot GILF Sucks Sidney Crosby's Sweet Nectar (BustedCoverage) 8 Awesome Activities That Became Illegal (RegretfulMorning) The Wardrobe Malfunction Pitfalls Of Lingerie Football (TotalProSports) Beat Someone Down With 5 Rare Martial Arts (MadeMan) Danica Patrick And Jen Aniston Have Something In Common (AllLeftTurns)
We're kicking off Sorority Row week with Audrina Patridge, who plays Megan in the slasher film hitting theatres this Friday. You may or may not know Audrina from the MTV sensation The Hills, or the tabloid magazines at the front of your local grocery's checkout lane. Sorority Row is Audrina's first major film, if you don't count Into The Blue 2: The Reef, which was direct to video. She's definitely no Jessica Alba, but there's no denying that Audrina can wear a bikini like nobody's business. And if you scour the interweb, you can find evidence that she also doesn't wear a bikini like nobody's business. A word from Audrina: "Go big or go home." We're packing our bags right now… It was very nice meeting you. You seem like a lovely lady. Thanks for the lively conversation and the pics after the jump.
SORORITY ROW opens this Friday and Screen Junkies' beat reporter Mike Capes had a chance to sit down four of the film's Theta Pi sorority sisters: Jamie Chung, Rumer Willis, Briana Evigan and Leah Pipes. Here's what they had to say about the film: First up are Briana and Leah, who play good girl Cassidy and über-bitch Jessica, respectively. Fast-forward to the :30 mark if you just want to see Mike ask them to make out… sorta.
Rumors flew last week that Steve Miner would be sitting in the director's chair for next summer's Halloween 3-D. Not so much, it turns out. Patrick Lussier has been confirmed as the writer/director who will be spraying CGI blood at audiences. This is a bad move but not an unexpected one. His last film, My Bloody Valentine made big money at the box office due to its 3-D presentation despite the fact that the storytelling was terrible in every way, shape, and form. You should also note that H3 doesn't have a script or cast in place and is expected on screens in less than a year. Might be wise to avoid this one and play outside instead. You know, where everything is in 3-D. (First Showing) Get back to goofing off at work with these morning links… "Rampage" Jackson WILL play B.A. Baracus but will he get his own cereal?. (Latino Review)David Gordon Green to remake Suspiria. Will Danny McBride battle witches? (Empire)Interesting tweets from Kevin Smith's Labor Day Q&A. (/Film)Spike Jonze almost directed Ace Ventura 2. (NY Mag)Lorne Michaels issues pink slips. (Comic's Comic)
Halo 3:ODST Live Action Commercial – Watch more Movie Trailers No, it's not a trailer for some super secretive Halo film they've had in the works all this time. But darned if it shouldn't be received like one. Microsoft has just released a new trailer for the Halo 3: ODST game for the Xbox 360, directed by Rupert Sanders, a commercial director who's won a bunch of awards and accolades, all of which you can read about in SlashFilm's piece. All we care about is seeing things get barbecued to a crisp. Outdoor grill or Fuel Rod Gun; it don't matter! Hell, it's Labor Day Weekend here in the States!
I wonder if this angry feline is all that remains of Brownie the Cat in the future? I wouldn't be surprised. If I were a cat and got an arrow through the head, I'd run around all day chasing sentient socks, especially if they sound like Elijah Wood. In read in this month's "Cat Fancy" that "Elijah Wood's voice" is second only to the sound of a tuna can opening in terms of What Turns Your Cat On. [Clip from 9 courtesy of Coming Soon.]Bat these weekend links around a bit and then sleep for 18 hours: Celebrity Couples With Their Heads Switched (HolyTaco) Busey Time: Bird Season's Over, Butthorn (FilmDrunk) 20 Sexy Catholic Schoolgirl Photos (Manofest) Check In The Pockets Of Your Rented Tuxedo (Pajiba) Jessica Simpson's Breasts Are Unfortunate (CelebJihad) The 10 Best Ghosts In Movies (Unreality) Drive-Thru Church Open 24/7 (Asylum) Why We Love College Football: Photo Gallery (BustedCoverage) Girl Keeps Her Boobs And Her Polish In Her Bra (RegretfulMorning) Blount Punches Boise Player Right In The Kisser (TotalProSports) The First Things Woman Notice About You (MadeMan) Darrell Waltrip Keeps Canada Down (AllLeftTurns) Cop Punches Fat Guy During Massive Brawl (NothingToxic) When Pottery Gets Really Sexual (Atom)
Jessalyn Gilsig (one of the more interesting names I've ever typed) stars as Terri Schuester in Glee, premiering next Wednesday. Jessalyn is no stranger to TV, as it appears she's been in almost every show in the past ten years. Alright, not every show, but the list includes Nip/Tuck, Heroes, Friday Night Lights, CSI:NY, Law & Order, Prison Break, NYPD Blue, Boston Public, and The Practice. Damn Jessalyn, you've been bus-y. You must keep your trim figure running from set to set to set to set. A word from Jessalyn: "I'm proud that I can be single. I think it's good being alone." Oh so that's how you wanna play it? Alright, I can act aloof, too. Yeah, being single is awesome. I love not coming home to someone who cares for me and rubs my shoulders when I'm stressed. Frozen TV dinners rock my world, as my lonely tears drip into luke warm apple cobbler! At least there are pics of you after the jump to keep me company…
The "laugh track" has a long and storied history of letting morons know when to laugh. But when paired with the wrong footage, the use of a laugh track becomes highly inappropriate. To prove this asinine point, we here at Screen Junkies went ahead and added laugh tracks to five inappropriate films. We hope you like it, because it's the first of 47 installments. Enjoy. Crash Racism + Laugh Track = Inappropriate The Deer Hunter Russian Roulette can be funny, but not when the players are coerced. Inappropriate!
Twenty-two Princess Leias and a guy who kind of looks like Zangief from STREET FIGHTER 2's portlier, less successful brother, Lonny. Yeah that one. The one with the legend for a penis. [via Picture Is Unrelated] Enjoy this evening's new streamlined links: Jessica Barton's Hair Is The Perfect Length (Gorillamask) Flowchart: What Will Happen At Your Labor Day BBQ (HolyTaco) Megan Fox Lesbian Kiss Doesn't Disappoint (FilmDrunk) 25 Funniest Pwned Videos Of All Time (Manofest) Valuable Lessons From Movies In Office Settings (Pajiba) Wil.I.Am Wants To Be A Gay Fish (CelebJihad) Funny (Non Star Trek) William Shatner Moments (Unreality) The Rules For Being A Gangsta (Asylum) Why We Love College Football: A Photo Gallery (BustedCoverage) The 6 People Who Ruin A UFC PPV Party (RegretfulMorning) Cameraman Inches Away From Car To The Face (TotalProSports) The Perils Of Dating Catholics (Heeb) Gloria Navaro: Most Ferocious Cougar (Mademan) 10 Best NASCAR Commercials (AllLeftTurns)
If it's Star Wars related, it lands on this page smoother than the Millenium Falcon.
Taryn Manning is our second lovely Sons of Anarchy lady of the week, and we'd like to send out a special thanks to the show's casting director. Last season Taryn played Cherry, the Prospect's adoring girlfriend who wanted to be his 'ol lady more than anything else in the world. But she got herself into a bit of a pickle with the ATF and had to split Charming. We're hoping she returns to town this season and brings that sexy, raspy voice back with her. It's like the smooth, slow hum of the Harley I'm not cool enough to own. A word from Taryn: "The thing that makes me feel most alive is when I'm playing guitar and singing." The thing that makes us feel most alive is when we're looking at you wearing silky clothes that trace your silhouette in such a way that it teases us with the gloriousness hiding underneath. …While we're playing guitar. Looks like there's some inspiration for us after the jump!
This Friday sees the release of Mike Judge's Extract, his third live-action comedy. In 1999, Office Space was a huge success and proved Judge could do things outside of the animation world and do it well. His follow-up, Idiocracy (2006), was greeted with lukewarm feelings and absolute zero box office, but its cult following is rabid, and the film cemented Judge as a comedy writer/director with a damn unique voice. So we got to asking ourselves… Having seen the trailer and some clips from Extract, is there a formula to Judge's acerbic wit and humdrum social satire? We cooked something up, let it percolate, and then bottled it at the source. And now, faithful shareholders, we give you: "Mike Judge's Comedy Formula."
The Playlist is reporting on a rumor that Michael Jackson's Captain EO may be making its way back to Disneyland. According to Disney insiders, the film will be back in the park this January. Man, 3D and celebrity deaths are soooo hot right now. The line is kind of blurry on this one. What do you think, heartfelt tribute or distasteful money-making ploy? Check out these links in eye-popping 2D!!! Guy Ritchie to direct Lobo movie. But why? (/Film)Mastodon scores Jonah Hex. (First Showing)Penelope Cruz in her underwear. (Latino Review)Sequels that should be in 3-D. (MTV)7 Beloved Celebrities and the Awful Sh*t You Forgot They Did. (Cracked)Cate Blanchett caught lovely. (NY Mag)
Check out this three-minute sizzle reel from HAWK JONES that the good gents at Everything is Terrible have strung together. Imagine if the cast of SCARFACE & LETHAL WEAPON got the reverse treatment that Tom Hanks got in BIG. Yes, minds blown and eyeballs effed in the A. I would warn you about spoilers, but the chances that you'll actually find the film in its entirety are slim to none. (And yes, that is a personal challenge to you all. If you can find it and tell us where to get it, and we can actually get it… then you get a prize. For real. We can negotiate.) According to imdb.com, there's a straight-to-video movie called HAWK JONES that was released in 1986 and directed by one Richard Lowry, who also scored the film. That's all you have to go on. What do you have to say about the links below, stern but lovable police chief?"You may be crazy, but damned if you ain't clickable." Hillary Fisher Chills In The Woods (Gorillamask) If Money Was Designed Today (Holytaco) Zachary Quinto Is Really Good At Swearing (Filmdrunk) 10 Dirtiest Hand Gestures Of All Time (Manofest) Is It Your iPhone Or Is It A Sleave?! (Walyou) Iron Man's 5 Douchiest Co-Stars (Pajiba) Celebrities And Their Respective Felonies (Cracked) '09 NFL Preview: Cheerleaders Edition (Coed) 7 Sweet Ass Summer Camps (Regretfulmorning) Hottest Tennis Players On The Planet (Maxim) Megan Fox Looks Deep Into Your Eyes (Celebjihad) 9 Best Cities For Bachelors (Mademan) Baroni To Take On Sadollah At UFC 106 (Cagepotato) 10 Louis C.K. Bits You Should Watch Right Now (Unreality) Overage Pics Of Cougar Convention 2009 (Asylum) Favorite Playmate Victoria Silvstedt Holds Up Well (Moondogsports) Russian Kid Beats Fragile Old Man (Nothingtoxic) Kick-Ass And Expendables Get Release Dates (Filmofilia)
Sons Of Anarchy returns to FX this Tuesday for its second season, and Maggie Siff returns along with it as the prodigal girlfriend Tara Knowles. You may also recognize Maggie as Rachel Menken from AMC's Mad Men. If you don't know her from either of these shows then you must have an aversion to awesome television. Try turning off those reality programs that cast serial killer bachelors and tune in to some intelligent, gripping serialized dramas that utilize important things such as…writers! A word from Maggie: "I think I fall into the camp of people who don’t feel safe about motorcycles." I don't even like when a motorcycle looks at me. Damn thing sends chills up my spine. That's probably because I imagine breaking my spine after I fly off of it and into a lamppost. Stay off of bikes, Maggie, and maintain that beautiful figure of yours, which we can see more of right after the jump!
The announcement on Monday of the House of Mouse's plans to acquire the Marvel Bullpen sent a ripple thoughout the internet the likes of which has not been seen since Celebricide '09. Within hours there were several illustrations which combined the icons from either camp. Screen Junkies has scoured the corners of the 'Net to put together the most comprehensive gallery of these genius monstrosities. In addition, we sprinkled in a few of our own. CLICK ON THE THUMBS TO SEE THE ORIGINALS IN THEIR FULL GLORY. EXCELSIOR!