News - Page 312

Ahmenajad Sees The World In 3D News
Friday, January 16 by

"Ah this Captain EO about which you speak has convinced me that the best possible weapon against the West is a paralyzing dance routine. We mush develop this capability now. Please find me this Magic Space Negro, and bring him to Tehran." JOAQUIN PHOENIX IS HIGH ON PCP (UPDATE) (Filmdrunk) Worst Wheel Of Fortune Player EVER (IAMBORED) Kate Hudson Looks Good In Leather (Hollywoodtuna)  Philip Seymour Hoffman To Direct Movie About Stoned Cab Driver  The Return Of 3D (Sound and Vision)  And one more video after the jizz-ump. 

George W: It’s Been Real
Thursday, January 15 by

  Dear Mr. President, My Name is Max Powers. I watch a lot of TV. Tonight you are going to be on TV. This is the last time that you are going to be on the TV (like all official as the president) and you will be giving your farewell goodbye-bye talk. I hope nobody throws shoes. They probably will not because you are giving the talk in America and not Durka-Durakastan. Do you ever watch The Office? Now that is a funny show. So is 30 Rock. They will also be on TV with you. Not with you, but like also on tonight. Sincerely, Max Powers. PS, Don't let the door hit you in your ass on the way out.

George: It’s Been Real
Thursday, January 15 by

Dear Mr. President,

‘UFC Primetime’ Episode 1 Recap
Thursday, January 15 by

FROM CAGE POTATO: We open with the hair-raising voice of punk-legend/TV host Henry Rollins: "They are bitter rivals from different worlds. A stone-cold champion from the frigid streets of Montreal, and a hot-blooded challenger from the black sands of Hilo Bay…" So begins the first episode of UFC Primetime, the "St Pierre vs. Penn 2" promotional mini-series that reportedly cost $1.7 million to produce, with each episode being completed just hours before it airs. Check out the full recap at Cage Potato.

Well Then What The F Do I Do With My Laserdisc Collection Morning News
Thursday, January 15 by

Jesus I want that bike and those shorts and that shirt and that TV.

Wednesday Night TV Preview With Extra Volcanoes
Wednesday, January 14 by

Take a breather, there's nothin' new tonight (except Knight Rider, where a bomb placed inside KITT will explode if he goes under a certain speed–Dennis Hopper's prob behind it). On the other hand, there's a rerun of the 2hr season 4 finale of Lost to get you super psyched for the return of the show, a top 10 countdown of the dangers associated with volcanic eruptions (#1 is skinny girls burn faster than fat ones), and a showing of Napoleon Dynamite. Dont worry, there's an eruption of TV premieres coming up (The Office, Battlestar Galactica, Friday Night Lights, House, Lost).

Morning links with humping T-800′s
Wednesday, January 14 by

Here's your morning news links from our trusted, if not somewhat perverted friends.CASTING HUNTER S. THOMPSON’S RUM DIARY (Filmdrunk)R.I.P. Prison Break (Pajiba)McG responds to Bay’s bitchin’(Filmonic)Crank 2 and Outlander Movie Posters (/Film)Fresh Prince Of Bell Air To Venture 20,000 Leagues Under Sea (Joblo)Karate Kid Remake Just Got A Dose Of Retarded Awesome (Playlist) 

Tuesday Night Preview
Tuesday, January 13 by

Tonight we have another full hour of new Scrubs on its new network, the most enjoyable aspect of Amerian Idol (the tryouts) and some Will Smith in I, Robot. Here's your daily digest of what's worth watching.

Best Audition For Anything Ever Period
Tuesday, January 13 by

Those kids in Norway LOVE that death metal. So much that they can almost scream to the point of making themselves puke their lunch (herring salad) onto their knee high lace up leather boots. I give the dude an E for effort. I would give him an A if the competition was to sound like a half-retarded cat caught in a wood-chipper.Thanks to Stan for the tip.

To Catch a Predator Rap
Tuesday, January 13 by

A few weeks back our fellow inmates at Holy Taco posted the Predator Rap. Now, as a followup, here's the official To Catch A Predator Rap. Kudos to these MC's.

An Orchestral Doogie Howser (SNL Digital Short)
Tuesday, January 13 by

It's cool that Neil Patrick Harris is able to poke fun at himself. I'd imagine it came from a meeting with an agent sometime in his early twenties where an Ari Gold type said "Listen. You can either die being known as a pussy little boy genius douche on that shit storm of a crap show or you can listen to what I say and let the world know how much you love hookers and blow. It's your career, jerkwad."

Monday Night TV Preview
Monday, January 12 by

The 24 premier-a-thon continues with 2 more hours of Jack Bauer tonight. The people over at FOX have also started a Terminator:TSCC blog that will be releasing weekly video podcasts about production of the show (and tons of other nerdy crap for us to chew on before the show premieres Feb 13th). Man vs. Wild premieres tonight, or poop your pants to a screening of the The Shining. 24 2 Hours starting 8/7c on FOX Jack Bauer (24) kills a terrorist vampire style on – Watch more Movie Trailer

You Just Got BACON’D!
Monday, January 12 by

Our pals at FOD just sent this over. There are some pretty damn funny parts. Im going to leave my office right now and go Bacon the ever living hell out of some unsuspecting people who deserve it. Also, I REALLY hope they make one of these with Gary Busey as soon as he is through shooting his current project for A&E entitled "I Am Bat Shit Crazier Than A Crap House Rat." It's a docudrama.

Golden Globes Photo Recaplet
Monday, January 12 by

(Kevin Connolly is 2.5ft tall) Awards shows are pointless. They are for gay dudes, lonely women, and people who work in the entertainment business. The Golden Globes last night showed just how utterly predictable most of them can be. Do you really need to have a panel of judges tell you that Heath Ledger deserved to win for The Dark Knight? No. You saw the movie and made your own decision, and it wasn't hard. But for some reason I still get a surge of pride when my predictions come true. It's basically like a long, drawn out game of Jeopardy.  With that said, here's the breakdown from last nights Globes, and a few pictures of hot women.

Weekend Movie Low Down
Friday, January 9 by

I missed my screener for Gran Tornio, so I can't give you my personal opinion of the flick. But word on the street is that it's a solid film, so it leads our list of recommendations for the weekend. There are also a few more worth checking out that do NOT involve Clint Eastwood growling racial slurs at minorities.

WORST OF THE WEEK PT 2: Salvaging Outer Space
Friday, January 9 by

You know when you put your hand in something really disgusting and you want to make other people smell it? That what Worst Of The Week is about. I get dog crap on my internet eyeballs and have to show it to others.  But instead of actual excrement, it's a clip or a trailer from a movie that  just should not have been made. A cinematic turd that makes you question why some people work so hard to make such garbage.  This weeks video is a beautiful little gem called Salvaging Space. And looks really, really bad.

Weeked Movie Preview
Friday, January 9 by

This weekemd you have the choice of watching a creepy devil child try to inhabit a beautiful brunette, or a grizzled old Eastwood battling some gangsters. Along with that, you have the premiere of the 7th season of 24, which will be awesome. The Unborn The Unborn Trailer 2 – Watch more Movie Trailer

Transformers 2 Teaser Poster & Your Daily News
Friday, January 9 by

From what I can tell by this poster, revenge is in fact coming. And it will be arriving on June 26th of this year, and it will have red eyes that look like they are back-lit by the bonfires of HELL. I'm not sure the best way to prepare for it, but I'm guessing everybody needs to be ready for SOME F'ING AWESOME EXPLOSIONS AND FIGHTING ROBOTS. Invest in fire extinguisher stocks, wash you're awesome-proof vest, and buy some new helmet polish: S$%& JUST GOT REAL. Here's some more news that we've been following.   

Thursday TV: The Orange Bowl & Salma Hayek as a Sexy Nurse
Thursday, January 8 by

Two Heisman trophy winners and two of the top most skull-crushingest teams, but only one National Champ. It's FOOTBALL night on the TV, with one little hitch. You have the choice of take advantage of Thirsty Thursday and catching the game at a bar OR staying home and piling two TV's on top of each other so you can watch the game AND the return of 30 Rock. Tonight's episode features uber-babe Salma Hayek as a guest in a nurse uniform. At least that's what the official NBC synopsis has lead our boners to believe. Decisions decisions gents.

The Expendables
Thursday, January 8 by

A team of mercenaries head to South America on a mission to overthrow a dictator.Director: Sylvester StalloneCast: Sylvester Stallone, Dolph Lundgren, Forest Whitaker, Mickey Rourke, Jet Li, Jason Statham, Randy Couture (!)Release: 2010

Feminine Lesbain Toothpaste FOTC Vid
Thursday, January 8 by

[NOTE TO OUR BREAK.COM VIEWERS: If you reached this post by thinking it was a video on Break.com, don't get pissed. Its still a Break video. We occasionally do these 'plugs' as a way to let you know about hot sites in the Break Media Network. Welcome to Screenjunkies.com-- a source for the latest reviews, recaps, news, and video about all things movies and TV. We've been working our tits off on this site and want you to check it out. ENJOY.]Flight of The Concords was one of the best new shows on TV last year. If you haven't seen it, then find a friend with HBO and tune in for the premiere on Jan 18th at 10 pm ET/PT.

Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li
Thursday, January 8 by

Title: Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun Li Director: Andrzej Bartkowiak Cast: Michael Clarke Duncan, Kristin Kreuk, Moon Bloodgood, Neal McDonough, Chris Klein Synopsis: A live-action Street Fighter film that focuses on the origins of Chun Li and her quest for justice. How goofy is her helicopter kick going to look? This movie hits in February but we've yet to see an English-language trailer. Genre: Action & Adventure Release Date: February 27, 2009

Brolin and Wright Cleared of Fight Charges
Thursday, January 8 by

Josh Brolin and Jeffery Wright were cleared of any wrongdoing in a bar fight that happened last july in Louisiana during the filming of W. TMZ has a video which we posted after the jump. The controversy surrounding the arrest stems from Wright being tased. Now, having seen this video, I kind of understand why they did it. He's putting up a bit of a fight as the cops try to cuff him, while Brolin bascally chills on his knees. I mean seriously, bros have gotten the blue shock treatment for WAY less, especially in the South. That and more in  our morning news.

Knight Rider Rescues Vanessa Williams From Terrorists
Wednesday, January 7 by

We are still in the days of TV experimentation, and tonight just may be the riskiest decision. Yep, we're watching Knight Rider, because it's been written up as being "nothing more than car-porn," or being "so delectably bad that you have to watch it just to tell your grandchildren that you were there," and because tonight's episode involves rescuing Vanessa Williams from terrorists. To cleanse the palate, VH1 is offering the 40 greatest pranks of all-time.

Expendables Gets Bad-Asser With Rourke
Wednesday, January 7 by

This recent addition of Randy Couture to the cast of Expendables put the movie in the running for an Oscar in the categories of Broken Arms, One Punch Knock Outs, Roundhouses, and maybe even Spinning Pile Drivers. With Mickey Rourke joining, the film will surely be in contention for Best Comeback, Best Supporting Steroid Habit, and Creative Accomplishment in the Category of Human Growth Hormone. This movie is going to be sweet. That and more in your morning news.

Tuesday Night Homeland USA TV
Tuesday, January 6 by

This an exciting time for television afficionados. Yeah you're going to have to wait another two weeks for Lost or Battlestar Gallactica, so why not dabble in some new shows, right? Come on, its the 90's! If you're not the adventurous type, theres a retrospective Star Trek 25th Anniversary followed by Shatner's Raw Nerve with special guest…Spock! Homeland Security USA 8/7c on ABC Robert Deniro,Homeland Security – Watch more Free Videos

Japanese TV Is Totally Awesome
Tuesday, January 6 by

I would have a LOT of trouble competing in this event because I would just stop on the first girl and lay there. I'm saying this from experience. Man, I really miss college.

Hellboy Learns About Direct TV
Tuesday, January 6 by

I use Comcast because of the no-contracts thing, so I have no idea how direct TV works. But I like the idea of being able to use my computer to pick what I want to record. One of the biggest problems with the interface I use is that searching for shows requires entering in words one letter at a time using the remote, kind of like registering a high score in an old school arcade game. I thought this commercial was actually OK. Very subtle. The future of TV is only going to be integrating it with your computer until they are the same entity (I know, BOLD prediction). My suggestion is that Comcast implement this feature and get the Dark Knight to explain how it works.

American Gladiators Cancelled, But Carano May Have a New Job Soon
Monday, January 5 by

From CAGE POTATO. One of the reasons that American Gladiators tanked is that it's just not violent enough. Watching people smack each other with giant Q-Tips on a padded pedestal 7 feet above waist-deep water is just not the same as seeing Kimbo Slice get pummeled in an octagonal cage. We are Americans. We need the specter of real injury in our competition. It looks like Gina Carano, one of AG's strong/sexy women might have some employment opportunities somewhere that won't be shut down after one season. Read the full story HERE. 

Welcome To The New Year Morning News
Monday, January 5 by

It's the first monday of the rest of your life. We have a black president. Marley and Me is still dominating our box office. Despite the crumbling economy and the increasing probability that the rapture will occur in YOUR lifetime, moving pictures continue to be a profitable business. Netflix is going to be built into your TV. And Steve Jobs told the world that there is something wrong with his hormones, but that he will live. All of this in our morning news links. The future, dear Junkies, is a bright one.