No… No. NO. NO! NO!!!!!!! They've created half-man, half-pillow hybrid beasts called manllows! Even if you do want to rub your privates against Robert Pattinson and Taylor Lautner, these THINGS are just freakish versions of them. But I guess a freakish, stroke-victim-faced version is all some disillusioned girls need. (FilmDrunk)Hilarious The Bachelor Recap For Fans/Non-Fans (NotZombies)Oscar Producers Tell Nominees to Shut Up (Moviefone)Improper Condom Fit is a Major Problem (Asylum)25 Awesome Guitars (HolyTaco)Team China Sexual Stretches at the Olympics (TotalProSports)Conquest MMA Model Cali-Luv (CagePotato)Live Avatar Role-Playing (Unreality)Video Game Vixens (Maxim)Selena Gomez Causes Lesbian Mob at the Mall (CelebJihad)The Best Female Action Heroes (Pajiba)One Nerd's Obsession with Megan Fox (Atom)The Daytona 500 In Pictures (AllLeftTurns)How to Party for Free in NYC (MadeMan)
Last month we reported that Fake Lenny Kravitz had won the role of the titular barbarian in Marcus Nispel's remake of Conan. Today comes word that the role of young Conan will be played by Fake Joey Lawrence. Child actor Leo Howard, who was seen on screens as a little ninja in G.I. Joe: Rise of Cobra, will portray the miniature barbarian for the first reel of the movie. Congratulations to Leo. And I'm not just saying that because he harnesses the ability to kick me in the face. In fact, I'll give him my unlimited approval if he takes out Jaden Smith at the All Valley Karate Tournament. (Latino Review)
Empire has some behind-the-scenes footage from their Kick-Ass set visit. It's equal parts corny intro, needless information, British humor, tea with Kit-Kats in it, Christopher Mintz-Plasse talking about his genitals, and an awesome on-set blow-up between director and star. MATTHEW VAUGHN (in regards to Mintz-Plasse): Do you think this boy will ever not be known as McLovin? CHRISTOPHER MINTZ-PLASSE: Do I? Yeah. MATTHEW VAUGHN (laughing him off): Good answer. CHRISTOPHER MINTZ-PLASSE: You're a dick! Oh, McLovin. Looks like we've got another Gary Coleman on our hands. (via Empire) CHECK OUT THE PISS-TAKING AFTER THE JUMP…
Terrorists! The whole lot of 'em! I like how the one woman takes shelter behind the kid with the corn dog. Their young, soft flesh absorbs bullets well.Created by fearcondom from ytmnd.com.
Michelle Williams may always be the "other girl" from Dawson's Creek, but she earned herself an Oscar nomination for Brokeback Mountain and all Katie Holmes has is Tom Cruise and a washed brain. Maybe her performance in Shutter Island will give people something other to associate her with than a dead Heath Ledger. A word from Michelle: "Outside of the business during a dry spell, I scooped ice cream at a country fair, and I ate more than I sold."Becoming a fatty is no way to win auditions, Michelle. But bringing the casting director ice cream is… What a conundrum!The pics after the jump are very straight-forward.
And the winning caption is…This is a lot different without the wall with the hole in it.I guess we set ourselves up for that one. I thought our audience might take the high road, but I'm so glad they didn't.The winner will receive Law Abiding Citizen on Blu Ray and DVD, as well as a Duxiana travel pillow valued at over $100. You keep that pillow clean, ya hear?Thanks to everyone who posted on the Screen Junkies Facebook wall. You guys came up with some great/sick stuff. We're concerned about most of your mental conditions.Law Abiding Citizen is in stores today. The Blu Ray includes the theatrical cut and the unrated director's cut with 11 minutes of unseen footage.
All my ladies in the house with they real hair, who don't need welfare… Make some noise!!!Looks like the makers of Sony's Spider-Man reboot are taking steps to ensure they don't completely mess it all up. Avatar producer John Landau announced that Marc Webb met with alpha-director James Cameron last week to discuss shooting in 3D. However, talks broke down with an abrupt cold-cock when Webb asked Cameron if he was sad that he never got to make his Spider-Man. Just kidding. The playdate seemed to go well and both Cameron and Webb enjoyed a lolly after the two finished playing trucks.From Landau:"Last [week] we met the director of [the next 'Spider-Man' film]. [Webb] wants to do the next one in 3D, which they've announced that they want to do. So, we want to try to support that as much as possible."He then went on to address the films that don't do 3D correctly:"Clash of The Titans is coming out in 3D; they're converting it very hastily into 3D. I'm not in favor if that. If you want to shoot a 3D movie, shoot it in 3D."Daaaamn, Landau. Dems be fightin' words. Though, I'd have to agree with him on this. Dude knows what he's talking about. Yet I'm torn given his position on pterodactyl rape. (MTV)
As awards season heats up, I want to remind you not to take things so seriously. No matter what wins Best Picture, all the other nominees, and even the snubbed favorites, continue to exist. You’ll always be able to enjoy whatever movies you liked. In fact, years from now people might laugh at the Best Picture winner. I looked back over Oscar’s history and picked out some of the more dubious winners, certainly movies that wouldn’t be on any “Best of Anything” lists today.10) Ordinary People
You can excuse any actor on the set of a Transformers film of phoning it in for a paycheck but in the case of Hugo Weaving, that's exactly what he did. In fact, the voice of Megatron has never met director Michael Bay."Michael Bay talks to me on the phone. I've never met him. We were doing the voice for the second one and I still hadn't seen the first one. I still didn't really know who the characters were and I didn't know what anything was."Well, I saw the movies and I still don't really know who the characters are or what anything is. My hope for the sequel is that everyone (robots included) wear name tags. And speaking of the sequel, from Weaving:"Oh no. They're not making another Transformers, are they?"My sentiments exactly. (from The Age)
Law Abiding Citizen is coming to Blu Ray and DVD next Tuesday, February 16th, and Screen Junkies is giving away a copy of the Blu Ray and DVD, and a Duxiana travel pillow valued at over $100! The Blu Ray includes the theatrical cut and the unrated director's cut with 11 minutes of unseen footage. That's right, you could watch Jamie Foxx and Gerard Butler engage in an intense game of cat and mouse while lounging back on your Duxiana pillow and enjoying the snack of your choosing. If the viewing party is on a plane, make sure you tilt the seat waaaaaay back so as to infuriate the passenger directly behind you.All you have to do is post on the SJ Facebook fan page the funniest caption you can muster to accompany the still frame above.If you're not already awesome and a fan of Screen Junkies on Facebook become one, post a caption, and you'll be entered to win. Click here to be whisked away to our Facebook page.Contest ends at 11:59pm on Monday, February 15th, and the winner will be announced on Tuesday, February 16th, via Facebook, Twitter and on the site.You can enter as many times as you like. Do it for yourself, do it for revenge, do it because you've been using a balled up bath towel as a pillow. Just bring the funny.
Lightsaber Flashmob – Watch more Funny VideosA lightsaber fight consisting of over 100 Star Wars fans who wish they were Jedis instead of salesmen/students/humans erupted at a shopping mall in Bristol, England this past weekend. No one was injured, but the potent smell of virginity will be thick in the air for weeks. (/Film)
Gru and his yellow, midget cyclops minions strut to The George Baker Selection's "Little Green Bag" in the new international teaser for Despicable Me. Much like the first trailer, it sticks by its name and teases you like some prude high school cheerleader who loves having a slut rep. Only thing is, I'm not saluting, much like I would a sexy president (Got that President's Day mention in there! Boom!) The movie is about diabolical Gru trying to steal the moon, and his mushy-brained slug children helping him in that quest. Their odd appearance and funny dialect is most likely a result of inbreeding. I'm sure if they assimilated themselves in the U.K. they'd blend right in. That's right, I'm an ignorant American today. It's President's Day. These colors don't run! Check out the teaser after the jump. Despicable Me hits theaters July 9, 2010.
Masturbating rap-rock pirate really speaks to the kids.The success of Guy Ritchie's Sherlock Holmes has led Ecosse Films to snatch the rights to another classic. The U.K.-based production company is planning to bring Treasure Island back to the screen with a cooler Long John Silver. From Variety:Silver's character will be hipper, in the style of Robert Downey Jr's interpretation of Sherlock Holmes.Though details are slim, this means we will most likely see Colin Farrell-type kickboxing Somalian pirates and cannonball surfing on theater screens in the next few years. Meanwhile, your confused mom will accidentally rent the Asylum version, Treasures Island. Y'know, the version that will inexplicably have ninjas and Debra Gibson. (Variety)
Total nag-hag.I've got a bit of good news for those of you who hate your eyeballs. Soon you'll be able to point them at a new film directed by crazy momenteer Madonna. The movie, titled W.E., will be the diva/box office poisoner's second directorial gig and of course it's about British people. It tells the true story of the love affair between King Edward VIII and Wallis Simpson that led to the British royal abdicating from the throne to marry his divorcee lover. Midget-prostitute-battler and Oscar nominee Vera Farmiga is said to be interested to star.Madonna helming a lavish, period piece sounds like a recipe for disaster. Just like these mustard pancakes I just made. I didn't add nearly enough Clamato. (Variety)
It's no secret that we here at Screen Junkies have an infinity for mustaches. This featurette for Clash of the Titans shows a lot of cool new footage, but it's Liam Neeson's facial hair that really takes the spotlight. Deep down I knew that if Neeson grew a mustache it would be an exemplary one, I just had no idea how exemplary. If acting doesn't work out, the man should sell mustaches at the store I'll be opening soon that will surely be denied a business loan. The featurette also contains new Medusa footage and unicorns, so you're going to want to check it out after the jump.
REAL mad black women prefer sledehammers to diaries. Here are your weekend links.Full Calendar of Movies Named After Holidays (Moviefone)25 Hot Bartenders (HolyTaco)25 Hot Female Winter Olympians (TotalProSports)Porn Stars Name Their Favorite Presidents (Asylum)Laser Kills Mosquito in Slo-Mo (FilmDrunk)Nine-Second Knockout of the Day (CagePotato)Extremely Disturbing Cosplay Photo (Unreality)What Your Valentine's Gift Really Says About You (Maxim)Megan Fox's Body Double (CelebJihad)Best Films Set in the Olympics (Pajiba)Playboy Mansion Red Carpet Footage (Atom)How to Start a Brewery (MadeMan)Daytona 500 Late Odds (AllLeftTurns)
Upskirt!!The Vin Diesel sequel train continues to chugga, chugga. In recent months he's announced xXx: The Return of Xander Cage and Fast Five, both follow-ups to films that somehow made him a star. Now he's adding another Riddick film to the pile. Riddick is the character he played in Pitch Black and its completely unconnected spin-off, The Chronicles of Riddick.Nobody is talking plot yet, but director David Twohy states that the tone of the new movie falls closer to Pitch Black than it does Chronicles. Though I wish it fell more in the laugh-track sitcom realm as the simple title Riddick would imply. All they would have to do is add an exclamation point and have him move in with his nerdlinger brother (played by Jason Biggs) and they'd be good to go. (Variety)
Gimme Back Ma Son – Watch more Funny VideosAngry dad Mel Gibson wants his son back so bad. I can feel it in my face.(Genius remix by Swede Mason)
Uber spicy redhead Kata Mara, and that girl who dies in the beginning of The Ring (Amber Tamblyn), are in talks to co-star alongside James Franco in 127 Hours, Danny Boyle's follow-up to Slumdog Millionaire. The film tells the story of Aron Ralston, a cautionary tale for anyone who plans to go out in the unforgiving wilderness alone and refuses to entertain the possibility they might have to cut their arm off after a boulder claims it for five hours straight. Mara and Tamblyn would play two hikers Aron meets before the antagonist (a large rock) has his way with the adventurer. If only Aron's quest involved finding his way home to Mara. Hell, I'd give my right arm to run the fingers of my left hand through her flowing locks. I think she'd find my insensitivity extremely attractive. (/Film)
AnnaLynne McCord does "bitch" well. Particularly manipulative, devious bitch. She's currently extracting her claws as Naomi Clark on The CW's 90210, but I enjoyed when she tried to screw pretty much everyone on Nip/Tuck. It's those blue eyes of hers. You just can't say no. Not that you'd ever want to.A word from AnnaLynne: "Does it turn you on when I show you my ass and turn my head 180 degrees?"Hell, you don't even have to turn your head if you don't want to.More pics of AnnaLynne and her moneymaker after the jump.
The 117 AD prequel to SNL's "The Ladies Man" Neil Marshall's epic Centurion clobbered us with a trailer today and it looks badass. The movie, starring Michael Fassbender, McNulty, and Bond babe Olga Kurylenko, tells the story of 7 Roman soldiers trapped behind enemy lines after their army is massacred. In the film, the Descent director follows the soldiers as they fight for survival while being stalked and killed by a gang of sexy French chicks. It's like a PBS version of The Warriors. Except in this case the Lizzies are far more likely to decapitate their enemies with hatchets. (IGN) Witness the massacre after the jump. The film opens April 23rd in the UK with no set US release date at this time.
Bill Carter is ready to write again. The New York Times TV industry writer is hard at work on a sequel of sorts to The Late Shift, the behind-the-scenes look at the dirty pool involved to succeed Johnny Carson as host of The Tonight Show. Of course, the recent late night shake-up will be the subject of his new book."I'm reaching out to everyone I possibly can to get every side of the story. I don't just pick one and stick with that guy."Carter is still writing but is said to be rushing to get the book on Kindles as soon as possible. I really couldn't care about the book. I'm more excited for the inevitable HBO adaptation that will be aired repeatedly for 15 years. Maybe Jimmy Kimmel could play Leno if Arzt from Lost isn't available to do it again. (Gawker)
It's going to be really awkward when Robocop and his date transition to the intimate part of the evening. (i09)Dead or alive, you're getting these links.Sean Penn and Penelope Cruz to Hand Out Oscars (Moviefone)Gallery: What Your Toys Are Doing Now (HolyTaco)Hot Chick Bounces Around in Celebration of Whatever (TotalProSports)Christian Bale Killed a Guy or Something (FilmDrunk)This Day in Fighting History: Tyson vs. Douglas (CagePotato)5 Examples of When Celebs Age (Unreality)A Lamp for Jason Voorhees (Asylum)Spicy Pics of Big Bang Theory's Kelly Cuoco (Maxim)Alec Baldwin Rushed to Hospital (CelebJihad)Passive-Aggressive Break-Ups (Pajiba)A Video Jam Packed Full of Skits (Atom)How You Can Tell If She's Good in Bed (MadeMan)Daytona 500 Early Odds (AllLeftTurns)8 Hilariously Awful PSAs (RegretfulMorning)
The first trailer for Get Him To The Greek just hit the Interwebz, and I'll be damned if Nicholas Stoller hasn't done it again. The director and writer of the highly enjoyable Forgetting Sarah Marshall brings back eccentric, hyper-sexual rocker Aldous Snow for a whimsical romp across the pond from Foggy London Town to sunny Los Angeles. Jonah Hill plays record label intern Aaron Green who gets the assignment from big boss P. Diddy to escort Aldous Snow (Russell Brand) to the Greek Theater in L.A. for the first-stop of his comeback tour. Wackiness ensues, with a plethora of sex, drugs, rock & roll, and crusty vomit on The Today Show with Meredith Vieira. Stoller delivered a perfect mix of laughs and heart in Sarah Marshall, and I have no doubt he'll add the same touch to this one. And vomit, of course. Check out the trailer after the jump. Get Him To The Greek blows the roof off theaters June 4, 2010.
Bring on the whores!Universal has hired the screenwriting duo of Karen McCullah Lutz and Kirsten Smith to write a remake of The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas. The original starred Burt Reynolds and cleavage-afficionado Dolly Parton in the film adapted from Broadway. The update will have musical numbers though it is not known at this time if they will be new, or musty and old like Burt's nutsack.No word yet on casting, but it seems rude to open a whorehouse in Hollywood and not invite Tom Sizemore. (Variety)
Now THAT'S a headline! Armani has just released a commercial of Megan Fox wearing their underwear while standing in one place, kinda attempting to pull off what she thinks people do when they're trying to act sexy. The result is underwhelming. It would have given me more tingles if she'd just remained completely still while the camera sweeped across her naughty bits a few times. Someone close that girl's mouth. She's going to catch flies. Or worse!
The trailer for Killers follows the beats of any other Katherine Heigl movie trailer. We're introduced to her. We learn quickly that she's successful in every aspect of her life except love. Cue the man of her dreams, in this instance, Ashton Kutcher and his abs. Kutcher stalks Heigl around Nice, France while unnecessarily shirtless like NY's Naked Cowboy or He-Man or Los Angeles's David Hasselhoff. The two hook up and it seems like the perfect relationship. Until it turns into Knight & Day or Mr. and Mrs. Smith. It looks like a fun, light film (centered around murder) despite the positioning of the leads on the National Choad Index. I should dislike this but I don't. It must be the presence of Selleck. Damn that mustache. Maybe enjoy the trailer after the jump….
Chelan Simmons is an actress who doesn't mind taking her clothes off in her movies, and we here at SJ fully support that. If you can stand it, check out Good Luck Chuck and Final Destination 3 for two perky examples. Or is that four perky examples?A word from Chelan: "A smile is way more beautiful than a frown."Not in some social sex circles. But I get what you mean. Check out more pics of Chelan's pearly whites after the jump.
The toys happily welcome Pervert the Octopus to the group. Nothing makes me giddy like a Pixar trailer. Those (evil?) geniuses always knock it out of the park, and Toy Story 3 looks like no exception. All of our favorite toys are back, and they're mixing it up with a new batch of playthings when they're donated to a day care center. You'd think the rest of the movie would follow Woody and Buzz as tiny tots jam them into various orifices, but instead it appears they're loving their new home. In The Closet Ken, voiced by Michael Keaton, convinces himself he has feelings for Barbie inspite of the new cowboy arrival, and Pervert the Octopus offers up massages (with happy endings, no doubt). Everything's right as rain until the toys find out their abandoner, Andy, is looking for them. They decide to break out and go in search for the owner who cast them aside like yesterday's garbage when he decided to go better himself at college. What a selfish prick. You don't deserve these special toys, Andy! They're too good for you! You hear me, Dad?! Oops… That's an issue I need to take elsewhere. Check out the trailer after the jump. Toy Story 3 hits theaters June 18th.
Tyrese Gibson calmed all of our fears by getting the word out there that he will in fact return for Transformers 3. Though he's coy about when filming will begin. He tweeted sexilly:TRANSFORMERS 3: Is Full Throttle Full Steam Ahead….. Michael Bay gave me the start date.. And I can't share…Thank GOODNESS. I was really concerned this film wouldn't appeal to my inner-black receptionist. (Tyrese4Real)