"You know, sometimes I think I'd rather have my old wife-murdering neighbor back." Sorry, Jimmy. You'll have to settle for the fat nerd and these links:How To Convince Your GF That The House Is Haunted (HolyTaco)Matt Holiday Blows It For The Cardinals (TotalProSports)Caught Red Handed Lookin' At Boobies (TheChive)Terry Gilliam's Favorite Animated Films (FilmDrunk)The 10 Greatest Books Adapted Into Movies (SuperTremendous)The Boogieman Project Round II (Pajiba)Miley's Boyfriend Forced Her To Quit Twitter (CelebJihad)14 Coolest Guitar Hero Guitar Mods (Unreality)World's Larget Pumpkin Cannon In Action (Asylum)Why We Love College Football: A Gallery (BustedCoverage)Backyard Wrestling Ends Badly (RegretfulMorning)How To Make A Perfect First Impression (MadeMan)Audrina Patridge Thinks She Loves NASCAR (AllLeftTurns)Soccer Player Brutally Kicked In The Head (NothingToxic)Where Does Chocolate Milk Come From? (Atom)
Becki Newton plays Amanda on Ugly Betty, which starts its new season tonight on ABC. She's sassy, sexy, and seems to like to get wild underneath the sheets. Now this is all based on Amanda's character traits on the show, mind you, but it's comforting to assume that Becki herself also possesses these proclivities. Bad news is she's married. Booooo! At least one thing is evident in the picture above: Becki likes pearl necklaces. And this means only two things for her husband. He's doling out a ton of cash at Zales or, he's doling out a ton of…well you get how double entendres work. A word from Becki: "I make myself laugh all day long."Sounds like a serious debilitating disorder. If this laughter is involuntary you might want to run the problem by your physician. He could prescribe you some medication, or wrap you up in a straight jacket. Don't let the latter option deter you from seeking help.Here are some pics that'll keep you smiling all day long after the jump!
Couples Retreat is sponsoring Break Media this week, so I’m going to go ahead and describe the film as a hilarious look at real world problems faced by married couples.But when it comes to looking at the real world problems of married couples, not all films are so friggin' hilarious. In fact, some movies might just ruin your crappy marriage!If you ever want to get married, or you‘re already married and want to stay that way, I recommend you avoid these seven films like Bryan Singer avoids vagina.(Click on the posters to watch each movie's trailer.)Private Parts
The online campaign to convince comedian/cuckoo bird Tracy Morgan to join Twitter has bore fruit. The 30 Rock star joined the micro-blogging site yesterday in order to give his eager fans an inside view of his mind. In that time we have learned, "my d*ckhead is shaped liked a darth vadar helmet. my d*ck is so fat it looks like r2d2." And, "I'm on the street turning good girls bad and getting them pregnant!!!" When asked for comment Sh*t My Zombie Sez, tweeted: "BBRAAIINNSS"!!! Well said. Well said. (Tracy Morgan's Twitter) These links are pregnant with information… Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans trailer (/Film)Dexter: The Animated Series (Dread Central)Andy Serkis's mo-cap of Ian Dury is uncanny (The Playlist)The Lovely Bones poster is lovely as expected (First Showing)The Saw guys buy Chainsaw (Empire)
The Mayan calendar was right. John Cusack's acting credibility will end in 2009. Make the mourning period easier with these links: 25 Bachelor Frog Memes (HolyTaco) 20 Hot Women In Painted-On Jerseys (TotalProSports) Asians Are Totally Normal, Not Weird At All (TheChive) Nick Nolte's Son Popped For DUI (FilmDrunk) Top Ten Bone Crushing Hits In Youth Football History (SuperTremendous) 50 Greatest Animated Films Of All Time (Pajiba) Miley Cyrus And Three Brown Chickens (CelebJihad) 15 Funny Signs With Changed Lines (Unreality) Birth Contol Can Make You Look More Attractive (Asylum) Why Going To Ole Miss Alabama Game Is Fun (BustedCoverage) 7 Drinking Games From Around The World (RegretfulMorning) Google Maps Just Got A Whole Lot Sexier (MadeMan) 5 Reasons Why Kasey Kahne Is Doomed (AllLeftTurns)
Alison Brie is pulling double duty this season, starring in two critically acclaimed shows. One is a compelling drama and the other a chuckle-loaded comedy. It must be quite a challenge transforming from Pete Campbell's doting wife on Mad Men to uptight college student Annie on Community. I wonder if she ever gets them mixed up? Does she ever arrive on Mad Men as her Annie character, giving her husband sass instead of a neat scotch? No, I imagine she'd get a slap across the face from Matthew Weiner for such insubordination. And if it were vice versa on the set of Community, you'd better believe Chevy Chase would berate her until tears rolled down from those big, blue eyes. We could hope it would all be in good fun, but back in the day Chevy used to make actresses cry for sport. A word from Alison: "When I was in college and growing up I was like, 'It's comedy for me! I'm so funny!'"Take it easy there, Alison. You've proven yourself as a dramatic actress, but we still haven't seen enough of the sitcom to be convinced of your comedic chops. Talk to the writers and see if they can work in some pratt falls and spit takes, and possibly a bottle of seltzer water. Then you're sure to get our vote.Check out more pics after the jump that are funny in a hot way!
This week, the paparazzi caught Tom Cruise on his trip to Harvard to watch his entertainment lawyer lecture a class of future legal eagles. This is what might have transpired had Cruise decided to stay in school. Today's Marquee Links20 Women with Painted-on Sports JerseysFemale Fans of the Chive [A Photo Gallery]
Tosh .O Best of the Worst Promo New Eps Oct 8th Thursday – Watch more Funny Videos
The latest trailer for "The Imaginarium of Dr. Parnassus" is up over at Yahoo and it's more mind-bending than you would expect from Gilliam. The movie looks incredible and could be the one that allows Terry Gilliam to reclaim his place on the A-list. Tom Waits as the Devil and Jude Law as Heath Ledger? Insane. The trippy visuals look like what you would see if you played Candyland while smoking Salvia. Which, incidentally, I have a ton of if you're interested in buying. Just come find me in my van. I'll be parked near the food court at the mall. Trip the link fantastic… Is Gary Ross being strongarmed into directing Venom? (The Playlist) Don't take the freeway. New 2012 trailer (Cinema Blend) Big Show wrestles to save the orphanage (Empire) Peewee angers an army of nerds (Vulture) Vince Vaughn and Malin Akerman talk Couple's Retreat (Latino Review)
Paramount's low-budget scream fest Paranormal Activity is quickly becoming one of the best reviewed films of the year. But to this date, it's only playing in a handful of theaters. They're planning on expanding the film's distribution, but it's up to YOU to make that happen. Yes, for the first time ever, a movie's theatrical run will be democratized. You don't have to take our word as to just how F-ing scary good this movie is. But if you want to, you can read our glowing review here, or just check out the trailer, which gives virtually nothing away. But MOST IMPORTANTLY, you need to visit Eventful's site, where you can click a little "DEMAND IT!" button and essentially sign the petition to give Paranormal Activity a nationwide release. And don't we all love full releases?Be a part of movie history. Hell, click the button even if you don't want to see it. Of course, if you feel like reacquainting your pants with your feces, then we recommend buying a ticket to the flick, too.
The Messenger Trailer – Watch more Funny Videos Are you having a good day today? Maybe you're feeling a little too happy and you want to bring things down a few notches. Well look no further than this, the trailer for The Messenger, with Woody Harrelson and Ben Foster. They play military men who go door to door telling families that their loved ones have been killed in the war. It's like Publisher's Clearing House, only the checks are much, much smaller. Dry those tears with today's top links: Diary Of Letterman's Less-Attractive Intern Revealed! (HolyTaco) Another Craaazy High School Football Blunder (TotalProSports) Russian CSKA Cheerleaders Dress Funny (TheChive) The Talking Bluetooth Bear (SuperTremendous) Roman Polanksi On To Catch A Predator (FilmDrunk) Five Best And Worst New Shows Of The Fall (Pajiba) Megan Fox Poses Topless For Magazine (CelebJihad) South Park Kenny Is Made Of Cans (Unreality) 5 TV Show Casts That Need To Reunite (Asylum) Cheerleaders Make Breast Cancer Awareness Sexy (BustedCoverage) Hot Chick Smells Her Butt Crack (RegretfulMorning) How To Throw A Hauntoberfest Party (MadeMan) January Jones At Kansas Speedway (AllLeftTurns) Drag Queen Beats The Shit Out Of Drunk Thugs (NothingToxic) White Gorilla Wants To Party (Atom)
Julie Bowen stars as Claire Dunphy on Modern Family, and she's basically the Marge to Ty Burrel's Homer Simpson character. Or the Lois to his Peter Griffin. Like those animated female woman, she is also sexy and savvy, but more importantly she's a tangible human being. You've probably seen Julie all over television. She always seems to light up the screen with her classic good looks and clear complexion. She has her early commercial work for Neutrogena to thank for that flawless skin. Has anyone ever looked more lovely splashing water on their face in slow motion? I think not. A word from Julie: "It's lived in perpetuity, that big frozen orb of dyed hair."Julie is referring to her role as Virginia Venit in Happy Gilmore. Sure, maybe her hair looks funny in it, but I think most of us were paying more attention to the sprinkler-soaked white teddy she wore and the two pitchers of beer she was holding. Ahhh… dream sequences. I'll drink to that. Here are some more pics to raise your glass to after the jump!
Huge news that, if true, could produce a film that either rejuvenates one of the best comedy franchises in movie history, or could destroy the film industry forever. Yes, I'm talking about the fact that New Line/Warner Bros. have signed Wedding Crashers director David Dobkin to produce and possibly direct a National Lampoon's Vacation sequel. Now, I'm someone who doesn't even consider Vegas Vacation a part of the franchise. It's why I've enjoyed referring to the Griswold's misadventures over the years as, "The Vacation Trilogy." After all, "Trilogy" has a nice ring to it and aside from Rusty's Mr. Papageorgio subplot and the casting of Marisol Nichols as daughter Audrey Griswold… Vegas Vacation was about as much fun as arriving at Wally World only to find out it's closed for remodeling.
Today's Marquee Links:AskMen's Top 49 Men http://www.askmen.com/specials/top_49_men/
Following in the footsteps of Arnold Schwarzenegger and Danny Glover, Adrien Brody has signed on to battle alien big game hunters in Robert Rodriguez's Predators. Brody will play a badass fighting for survival on an alien planet alongside Alice Braga, Danny Trejo, Walt Goggins, Oleg Taktarov, Mahershalalhashbaz Ali, and Louiz Ozawa. Topher Grace is also rumored to be joining the project. I can't buy Adrien's "GRRR. I'm tough!" routine. Especially next to Danny Trejo, who will probably wear a Predator skin jacket by the end of the film. (Variety) Morning links… The Griswolds extend their Vacation (First Showing)Behind the scenes of 30 Rock season four (TV Squad)Ben Foster in The Messenger trailer (Apple)First look at Zoe Saldana in The Losers (Superhero Hype)A Zombieland sequel is on everyone's brain (The Playlist)A Tribute to Chunk (Gunaxin)
Pizza and maximum wailage!!! This is what suburban childhood in the 1980s is all about, and any of you who have ever crapped your pants from either fear or excitement from an animatronic, anthropomorphic animal rock band (from either Showbiz Pizza or Chuck E. Cheese) can attest to its seductive power. I remember going to Showbiz Pizza back in the mid-1980s and spending countless hours at the skeeball machine, trying to win enough tickets to get a sh*tty frisbee with the likeness of the keyboard playing gorilla on it… then getting said frisbee and finally winding down to watch a set from The Rock-afire Explosion while over-indulging in pizza. It's why my grandmother had to buy me clothes in the "Husky" section of Dillard's department store. Anyway, Rock-afire Explosion: The Movie, which is all about one man's love of the Showbiz Pizza house band – to the point of actually buying a set of them and recreating the experience in his garage – is now available on DVD. Rent it. Buy it. Anything. Just watch it. And if you think this is some joke, check out animatronic maestro Chris Thrash's youtube page. We recommend doing so while huffing mozzarella for the full experience. You will not be disappointed. Rock-afire out to today's Top Links! What Her Underwear Says About Her (HolyTaco) High School Football Fan Attacks Official (TotalProSports) Chuck Norris's Alleged Father Gets Shopped (TheChive) Top 49 Most Influential Men (AskMen) Aw Yeah, A (German) Showgirls Sequel (FilmDrunk) The 30 Coolest Robots In The World (SuperTremendous) It's Freaky Hybrid Baby Time! (Pajiba) Ghost Of Walt Disney Angry Over Jew Studio Head (CelebJihad) Ice Cube: Then and Now (Unreality) Sasha Grey Makes Health Care Sexy (Asylum) Michigan State Chick Gets Into Mud Wrestling (BustedCoverage) 15 Favorite Sports Cars: Then and Now (RegretfulMorning) Jewelry That Is Man-cceptable (MadeMan) Frasier, Meet Cal Naughton Jr. (AllLeftTurns)
You might be admiring Stephanie Jacobsen's unique and compelling physical characteristics. I don't blame you for such admirations. Stephanie is part Portuguese and part Chinese-Norwegian-English. If you were ever wondering what those nationalities look like when you mix them all together and turn them into a female form now you know; they look hot. Stephanie is bringing some Portchinegianish flavor to the centrally located pool in the Melrose Place apartment complex this season as Lauren Yung. Let's just hope her beauty and brains can fend off the inevitable backstabbing bitchiness that comes with the swank territory. A word from Stephanie: "I had some problems after flying for 21 hours and rolling off a plane onto a set and then standing for 14 hours in those military boots."That's why you can't live in Australia, Stephanie. It takes too long to get to L.A., where all the movie magic happens. Plus your Battlestar Galactica military boots must be a complete nuisance at airport security. There's really no good way to explain futuristic footwear to the TSA. See more of what Portchinegianish looks like after the jump!
Hey there, non-believers! It's about that time of year again, time to reject someone else's reality and come up with your own! That is, if you buy into the whole "Mythbusters" tagline (which, we have to admit, is a pretty good one.) In the upcoming Fall '09 premiere of Discovery's mega-hit "Mythbusters" – airing Wednesday, October 7th at 9pm ET/PT – hosts Jamie Hyneman and Adam Savage stir the scientific establishment's pot once again, and if any of the clips below are an indication, they'll cook up quite the batch of chili con carnage. The first clip challenges the theory that if you take two bullets and drop one from a certain height while shooting the other from a gun at that same height… that they'll hit the ground at the same time. Jamie? Adam? I REJECT YOUR REALITY!!!
MTV has unveiled new a poster and a pair of stills from the upcoming Boondock Saints II: All Saints Day. The movie tells the tale of twin brothers who have a penchant for filling the criminal underworld with holes (it was either that or bore them to death with scripture). Finally a poster worthy enough to hang near your The Crow: Stairway to Heaven standee. The stills depict irresponsible weapons handling as well as a group shot that I deem The Hungover Matrix. Check out these links before they get unnecessary sequels… Letterman admits it was his bad (Vulture)MTV will air DJ AM's Gone Too Far (Reuters)A clip of del Toro's Splice (Latino Review)Kevin Smith might cast Wil Wheaton (First Showing)Chris Evans and Sharon Stone to pork on camera (Empire)
Totally Awesome 1960s Tantrum Dance – Watch more Funny Videos BoingBoing posted this video and it was too good to not share with you all. It's a clip from the 1967 film The Cool Ones, a scene which demonstrates the dance that accompanies a song called "The Tantrum," which apparently was designed for white folks with no rhythm. Is it just us, or does that lead guy look a little like Robert Redford? Also, look for the guy trapped in the furnace, forced to look longingly at the outside world, his cries going unheard as the caucasian kids are overcome with the spirit of herky-jerky, arrhythmic body movin'. Jerk rhythmically or arrhythmically to these links: Flowchart: Should You Go On Vacation With Your Girlfriend (HolyTaco) Jennifer Mueller Is Mark Sanchez's New Target (TotalProSports) Smokin' Hugo Boss Ball Girls (TheChive) Twilight New Moon Hot Topic Collection (FilmDrunk) 10 Greatest Game Show Hosts Of All Time (SuperTremendous) Madonna Vs. Lady Gaga (Pajiba) Jon Minus Kate Plus $200,000 (CelebJihad) Modern Warfare 2 Trailer Is Jaw Dropping (Unreality) The Best Plus-Size Halloween Costumes (Asylum) Bruins Opener Highlighted By Boobs-On-Boobs Action (BustedCoverage) 6 Sexual Records You Shouldn't Be Proud Of (RegretfulMorning) 9 Hottest Mistresses Of All Time (MadeMan) Earnhardt Losing Streak Reaches 50 (AllLeftTurns) How To Get Fat Girls Off Your Truck (NothingToxic) All New Legend Of Neil (Atom)
(I wonder if she wears that helmet while directing.)Drew Barrymore's directorial debut underwhelmed at the box office this weekend despite critical praise. The people who did head out to the theater only have positive things to say so this may be a movie that finds its audience through strong word of mouth.At any rate, in honor of the roller derby flick's face plant we thought this was the perfect opportunity to present to you these epic skate fails.
Entourage had it's season finale last night, which means the gang has left us for at least another year. Alexis Dziena got a bad rap this past season playing E's girlfriend Ashley, and we're here to say we don't think she was all that bad. Sure, she's no Sloan, but there's really only one Emmanuelle Chriqui, and she's so smokin' hot it's hard to find an equal. People have compared her to the aliens in District 9, and we think that's just plain mean. Alexis doesn't have a hard outter shell or mouth feelers. She has fair skin, large, expressive eyes, and a prominent bone structure. Look again and we think you'll notice the natural beauty. A word from Alexis: "Come to me my precious…"You don't have to sound so needy, Alexis. We're bringing to light your positive attributes, and we're sure the rest of the world will soon jump on the Dziena bandwagon.See why Alexis has got the goods after the jump!
Shutter Island Trailer #2 (HD) – Watch more Funny Videos Here we have a new trailer for Martin Scorsese's latest, Shutter Island. The film stars Leonardo DiCaprio in a role normally played by Stephen Dorff as an investigator searching for a missing patient within the walls of a haunted mental institution. The movie was originally slated for an October release but has been pushed back to February 2010, a move that shows little studio confidence. A release date within the first few months of the year normally signifies that the movie is a turd. Think about it. Do movies starring Donald Faison or Jamie Kennedy ever get released after April? Here are some morning links to screw your sense of calm… Saw VI trailer up in this mug (Dread Central) Tron 2 was a hard movie to make (io9) Arrested Development script allegedly in development (Cinema Blend) A newer, better Blair Witch sequel is on the way (IMDB) Liam Neeson makes a silly looking Zeus (First Showing) Get a load of this Asshole (/Film)
As luck would have it, young Lloyd Dobler decided to get romantic on the day the park got rid of its port-o-potties.In your eyes… the light… the links: News You Won't Believe Is Real (HolyTaco)Hot Chicks With Plungers (TheChive)High School Footballer Lands A Crushing Hit (TotalProSports)Five Minutes of 2012 Footage Is Nuts (FilmDrunk)25 Coolest Phones From Around The World (SuperTremendous)The Best Villains In Film History (Pajiba)Andy Garcia Shows You How To Properly Manscape (CelebJihad)15 Incredibly Hot Real Life Video Game Babes (Unreality)University Warns Of Zombie Attacks (Asylum)LeGarrette Blount Bullsh*t Meter (BustedCoverage)If Boba Fett Kept A Journal (RegretfulMorning)Do's And Don'ts Of Couples' Costumes (MadeMan)Are NASCAR Drivers Smarter Than A Fifth Grader? (AllLeftTurns)Couple Busted Having Sex In Tatoo Parlor (NothingToxic)The Pranksters Of Secret Girlfriend (Atom)
STOP THE PRESSES! WE HAVE A WINNER!Whoever commented, "Five Dolla! Five Dolla Footloooooooong!" on September 24th @ 2:37 PDT, you won the Capitalism: A Love Story Caption Contest. Hit us up @ feedback_at_screenjunkies.com with your mailing address, or tweet us your info and we'll get you the prize pack. If you lie about it… you will be found out!Capitalism: A Love Story, the new film from Michael Moore, opens nationwide today, October 2nd.