Howard Stern sidekick and actor Artie Lange was admitted to the hospital this past weekend for undisclosed reasons and now the cause has come to light. According to the NY Post, Lange attempted to take his own life by STABBING HIMSELF NINE TIMES. That's so metal! It's 9 times more metal than Juliet Capulet's suicide and 4.5 times more so than Elliott Smith's. The bloodied funnyman was discovered by his mother who called 911. Surgeons were able to save him despite a massive loss of blood. Stern commented on-air, "We all have our demons. Artie has given this show tremendous moments of great comedy. He's a tremendous contributor. He is a good man. Don't forget how great he is."Factoring together his eating, drinking, drugging, and stabbing-himself-nine-times habits, the man is obviously invincible. Perhaps he's the protector this world needs. If only he would stop copying Chris Farley. (NY Post)
It's that time of year when networks bust out a few new shows and returning favorites to fill the space that all the Fall season crap left behind. We've chosen our 10 mid-season favorites that through our in-depth analysis seem like the programs worth your precious time. Watch them live or set your DVR up for series record, but at least give them a chance. Then if they suck you can tell us to shove our horrible judgement up our asses. PARENTHOODWhat it's about:It's like the Ron Howard movie, but a TV show. Sorry, no Steve Martin, though. Follow the Braverman Family as they try to hold it together.When it's on:Mondays at 9:00PM E/P on NBC. Premieres March 1st. Why you should watch:
Have you brosefs seen the trailer for She's Out Of My League? It has babes, bros, and ejaculation jokes. All that's missing is Eugene Levy and his dead horse beating stick. Dude, rock on! Let's drink brews and listen to Asher Roth! UR my boy, Blue!! The movie looks like a cousin to Miss March, The Hottie & the Nottie, and Euro-Trip and there's a good reason for that. It was written by Hot Tub Time Machine and Sex Drive's Sean Anders and John Morris, who learned English by reading Maxim magazine. Jay Baruchel and TJ Miller are solid comedic actors so let's hope this movie has some bite that they're just not showing. Apart from Alice Eve, there's nothing worth looking at in this trailer. Watch for yourself but this almost looks as bad as Cop Out. Shes Out of My League Trailer – Watch more Funny Videos
Last night on The Tonight Show with Conan O'Brien, Triumph the Insult Comic Dog visited a spa in Los Angeles that caters entirely to dogs. The experience was so revolting he urged Conan to move back to NYC. If Triumph wants to see something really revolting I suggest he visit any Hollywood club on a Saturday night. After five minutes of wading through a sea of douchebags he'll be on the next red eye out of LAX.Breathe in deeply and click these links:25 Funn College Gameday Signs (HolyTaco)Cuba Gooding Jr. Strips on Ice; Gets Cake in Face (TotalProSports)Sexy Motivational Posters (TheChive)Pics of Tiger's Mistress Jamiee Grubbs (Maxim)Deadpool Movie Gets Zombieland Writers (FilmDrunk)20 Greatest Last Supper Parodies of All Time (SuperTremendous)10 Best Netflix Gems of 2009 (Pajiba)Tila Tequila Inherits Lifetime Supply of KY Jelly (CelebJihad)So There WAS Supposed to be an Avatar Sex Scene (Unreality)Movies Teach Us How to Dispose of Bodies (Asylum)Tattoo'd Bombshell Michelle (RegretfulMorning)How to Fight off a Mugger (MadeMan)NASCAR and Avatar: In Perspective (AllLeftTurns)Brazilian Gangster Boards Bust to Shoot Passenger (NothingToxic)Paul F. Tompkins Prepares for Zombies (Atom)
They never were able to get the smell of bacon out of the car's interior.George Lucas and his nine-month pregnant neck appeared on last night's episode of The Daily Show to promote his new book Blockbusting. When asked about the fan backlash against the trilogy of Star Wars prequels, Lucas responded, "It's a work of fiction. It's a metaphor, it's not real. And therefore you can either like it or not like it. Whatever." Oooh. Are you gonna take that haters? Or are you going to grab your shovels and do what needs to be done?? Check out the full interview…
This clip from Dogma 2 Legion gives us a glimpse of the throwdown between Kevin Durand's black-winged Gabriel and Paul Bettany's fallen angel Michael. Here, Durand makes the normally fatal error of bringing a mace to a gun fight. But weapon choices don't really matter in this case because this movie was made after The Matrix. OBVIOUSLY angels are karate experts. It says so in the Bible. Right before the part where Moses walks away from the burning bush in slow motion. Legion spin kicks into theaters on January 22nd, 2010. Watch the trailer here. (Yahoo)
Studio Mogul-Man has struck again! Due to his evil meddling, the Spiderman-4 and Robocop remake have grinded to a halt like a saw blade headed straight for your crotch. In the case of Spider-Man, Sam Raimi and Sony are butting heads over their villain of choice. Raimi wants The Vulture, and Sony, obviously haters of the evil avian variety, wants a romantic subplot involving Spidey and the Black Cat. In addition to the feline, they'd also like another antagonist, but that will probably turn into another fifteen. Maybe they can all gang rape Spider-Man in a orgy of CGI, 3D, and sticky webbing. As far as Robocop, Darren Aronofsky has left the project after refusing to turn it into an orgy of CGI, 3D, and why not some sticky webbing too. Mary Parent, Chairperson of MGM, is clearly looking to capitalize on the success of Avatar, and Aronofsky isn't interested in made-up worlds that don't exist except in computers. Robocop is awesome because it's gritty and real, not because ED209 is poking you in the eye with his hand-cannon.Spider-man 4 will most likely hit theaters before Robocop, but with Studio Mogul-Man on the loose, who knows what other havoc he could bring to the projects before they reach fruition.(via THR and Moviehole)
I now complete the SJ Bitch Slap trifecta. I've showcased America Olivo, Julia Voth, and now you get bombshell Erin Cummings. I could make fun of her surname, but I strive for high brow humor. So instead I'll just tell you that Bitch Slap cracks theaters in the mouth this Friday.A word from Erin: "When you grow up in Huntsville, Texas, the idea of moving to Los Angeles and pursuing an acting career is about the same as sprouting wings and heading for the moon."Cummings… Hehehe…More mature pics after the jump.
Before they move forward with their now back-on Three Stooges movie, the Farrelly Brothers will make Hall Pass with Owen Wilson their next project. Wilson stars as a man who has been given a one-week pass from his wife to sleep with any woman he wants. SNL's Jason Sudeikis stars as his best friend because Rob Corddry and Dan Fogler were otherwise indisposed. The film will follow their misadventures as they try to crush ass. Between this and Vince Vaughn's new project, why are there so many movies about getting some strange lately? Is it because of Tiger Woods?? Is Hollywood now only accepting pitches that align with Twitter trend topics? Anyway, the movie sounds like it could be a return to form for the once hilarious Farrellys. But mostly it just sounds like season four of Curb Your Enthusiasm. "I'm around town." (via THR)
If you want to watch the final season of LOST but don't know a damn thing that's happened, or if you're like me and the spray paint in the synapses of your brain has completely destroyed your memory, than check out this 8:15 recap of the first five seasons. It was put together by ABC and the writers of the show, so it should fully prepare you for the biggest event in television and world history. LOST: The Final Season starts answering all your questions on Feb. 2nd on ABC.
I'm not sure if I should be eager about the upcoming remake of A Nightmare On Elm Street. Given the track record of recent genre rehashes and reports of reshoots and studio interference, it could go either way. Still there's a part of me that wants this film to be really good and by the looks of this behind the scenes footage, that may well be the case. This featurette, included on The Final Destination's DVD release (a movie so bad that I'd sooner barf lava than watch it again), shows Jackie Earle Haley in full-on Freddy mode. Definitely check it out especially if you're on the fence like I am. Or was. I'm now eager to see more. (via Dread Central)
Oh just look at all the possibilities that are out there for young girls. All you have to know is planes go faster than cars. Here are today's equal opportunity links: Celebrity New Years Party Pictures (HolyTaco) Spinning Hillbilly Racing Sure to Cause Nausea (TotalProSports) Sooo Many Facebook Hotties (TheChive) The 5 Stages of a Job (Maxim) Cameron: Avatar Was About Videogamers (FilmDrunk) 20 Monkeys Behaving Badly (Manofest) Best Independent Films of 2009 (Pajiba) Megan Fox Has Plastic Surgery on Her Lips (CelebJihad) Superman 4's Batshit Crazy Deleted Scenes (Unreality) Best 2010 Movies We Haven't Seen Yet (Asylum) 5 Unhealthy Foods You Lived Off of in College (RegretfulMorning) Kickstart Your Career in 2010 (MadeMan) NASCAR's Sexist Mustaches of 2009 (AllLeftTurns)
Age is a cruel bitch. Anyway, Vince Vaughn and Ron Howard have decided to team up for a movie written by Wall Street 2 scribe Allan Loeb. The story follows a man who learns that his best friend's wife is cheating and must then navigate treacherous waters to decide what do with that knowledge. I hope it takes place in the middle of the Pacific, and Vaughn's character befriends an abrasive but quick-witted shark who's only looking out for his pal's best interests. Treacherous waters, indeed… Ron Howard hasn't directed a comedy since Edtv, and some would argue (me) Angels & Demons offered more laughs than that movie. If this new project with Vaughn echoes the tone of Parenthood I think we could all be in for a real treat. Also, I'd like to make a casting suggestion for the cheating husband:AHHH, LITTLE CLINT HOWARD!!! I take back what I said about age!(via THR)
He got schooled by Matt Damon before and now an unruly concertgoer has jumped on the bandwagon. While performing at Harrah's in Atlantic City with his band The Honey Brothers this past weekend, Adrian Grenier was accosted. "You suck, Grenier!," screamed a heroic citizen after rushing to the front row and throwing a drink at the Entourage star. "Adrian looked shocked," recalls an eyewitness, "Security came running up to the stage and had the guy removed." Umm, to give him a medal I hope. Just kidding. Watch this video below. It's all the proof you need that The Honey Brothers don't suck (at sucking). (via NY Daily News)
Sean Penn was attached to play Larry in the Farrelly Brothers' big screen The Three Stooges film last winter. Shortly after, he dropped out to work on his marriage with actress Robin Wright Penn. The couple have since decided to call it quits once and for all and so with that news, Penn is back on board Stooges alongside Benicio Del Toro's Moe. Problem is, noted actor and craft services fan Paul Giamatti picked up the Larry role after Penn put hoes before Farrelly Bros.Earlier plans were to hold a nationwide American Idol-esque casting call to find an actor who could take on the role of Curly. Perhaps Giamatti could fill those shoes with his porcine feet. Heck, he'll do anything. Can the star of Shoot 'Em Up really claim that a role is beneath him? (WENN)
Julia Voth is a Canadian actress and model who is perhaps best known for her likeness being used as the basis for the character Jill Valentine from the video game Resident Evil: Biohazard. Now she's kicking human ass instead of zombie ass in the aptly titled movie Bitch Slap.A word from Julia: "You can be gorgeous, but if you don’t want to work for it, nothing is going to happen."Of course, we all have to work hard to succeed, but getting discovered by a talent agent on the beach while you're wading through the water in your bikini doesn't hurt matters.Check out more examples of Julia's talent after the jump.
So many Kim Cattralls, so few bullets! Fresh off of informing you that Taken director Pierre Morel is taking over directing duties on the new Dune film, we get a second look at his most recent effort, From Paris With Love. In it, John Travolta plays one of those spy guys who breaks the rules, and doesn't play nice, and all that stuff. His father probably cracked beer bottles over his head when he was a just a little spy and now he's taking it out on a factory full of mannequins. These inconsiderate pricks never think that someone owns that factory. Oh, and Jonathan Rhys Meyers is the guy that can't believe John Travolta's character is such a rebel. If you'd like a more official synopsis: A low-ranking intelligence operative working in the office of the U.S. Ambassador in France takes on more than he bargained for when he partners with a wisecracking, fast-shooting, high-ranking U.S. agent who's been sent to Paris to stop a terrorist attack. So basically what I said. From Paris With Love starring Travolta and his off-putting new look hits theaters February 5th. Check out the trailer after the jump.
With the final season of LOST premiering a month from now, ABC is stepping up their promotional push and thus, we have the LOST Supper. Is this an image steeped in religious metaphor? Or is it merely a recreation of my grandpa shocking us all by blurting out racial slurs in front of my Asian brother-in-law at Christmas dinner?Look at that smug, racist prick hiding behind his old-people-say-the-darndest-things shield. I knew it was a mistake to let him watch Gran Torino. (THR)
William Shatner offers an evocative and erotic description as to why Captain James T. Kirk wants to climb a mountain, all backed by a catchy beat. As an actor, Shatner delves into the psyche of his character, and apparently he has discovered that Kirk likes to f*ck gigantic rock formations. It's probably all a metaphor or something. Check out Shatner's process below.
Taken's Pierre Morel has been hired by Paramount to direct the upcoming adaptation of Dune. Morel, who also directed the upcoming John Travolta as Mr. Clean biopic From Paris, With Love, is looking to stay faithful to Frank Herbert's 1965 book and is in search for a writer that can help bring that to pass. This will be the third adaptation of Dune brought to the screen. And probably the first to involve parkour.Peter Berg was originally attached but left in order to adapt Milton Bradley's Battleship into a feature film about sailors fighting aliens. Uh-huh. Right. I guess Stephen Sommers was indisposed. (EW)
Easy Curves Commercial – Watch more Funny VideosIt's really that simple. Or even simpler, convince the girl in question you have a device of your own she can borrow. (via TVSquad) Click on these links to increase your size instantly! Gallery of Alabama Girls Vs. Texas Girls (HolyTaco) Fans Fall Head First in to Concrete (TotalProSports) Sexy Mail Order Brides in Costumes (TheChive) The Warren Beatty Sex Chart (Maxim) Kevin Smith Vs. NPH: Fight! Fight! Fight! (FilmDrunk) 20 Funniest Google Street View Photos (SuperTremendous) The Worst Movies of 2009 (Pajiba) Miley Cyrus Gets Her Face and Crotch Creamed (CelebJihad) Time to Psychoanalyze the LOST Supper (Unreality) Historic U.K. Stature Turned into Homer Simpson (Asylum) 5 Types of People You'll Meet at Ikea (RegretfulMorning) How to Dress with Vampire Style (MadeMan) Nice Cortney Sauter Pics (AllLeftTurns) Cowboy Gets His Ass Stomped to a Soundtrack (NothingToxic) The Ultimate Fish Punching Reality Show (Atom)
Don't call me out on the grammar, Twihards. I didn't make the pic.
An overzealous neeerrrddddd!!!! fan spent significant hours to create a costume replica of Iron Man 2's War Machine (compare to trailer here). Anthony Le has hand-crafted a costume so impressive that even director Jon Favreau has given him props. Accolades, not actual movie props. He'll have to build replicas of those himself if he wants them.Much like the fan-made transforming Bumblebee costume, this is pretty cool and must have taken a lot to put together. So nobody mention to this guy that he could have just painted an Iron Man costume silver. Much like Tony Stark, I don't think his heart could take the strain. (Cinematical)
"I duddits!!"We warned you that it would take over the world but you but you didn't listen. Had you shuttered up your windows, none of us would be in this mess. James Cameron's Avatar dominated the box office for a third weekend in a row, easily outpacing every other release and all of Tiger Woods' mistresses combined. And on a global level, the film has passed the $1 billion mark. Think of how many of these hats that kind of money can buy.There are only four other films in the billion dollar club. They are Cameron's own Titanic ($1.843 billion), The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King ($1.119 billion), Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest ($1.066 billion), and The Dark Knight ($1.001 billion). With a $1.022 billion take after only 21 days, expect Avatar to give Titanic a run for its money.With this surge of wealth, you can also expect James Cameron to spend the next ten years developing a new technology in order to make it rain more realistically on them hoes. (THR)
America Olivo has appeared in TV shows and stuff, but her most memorable sequence thus far has to be the camping tent sex scene in the Friday the 13th remake. That movie sucks serious balls, but all the naked ladies are quite fantastic.A word from America: "I'm a fan of anything my mother does."I'M a fan of anything your mother does. Like me. OH SNAP! I hope that snide comment doesn't hurt our chances of hooking up.Judging by the pics after the jump, America's mother must be hot.
Like Dexter and Paranormal Activity before it, Jersey Shore will be given the porn treatment. To clarify, Jersey Shore the program is being given the porn treatment, not the cast. The Jersey Shore castmembers are not in any pornos (yet). Zero Tolerance Entertainment has announced via the NSFW Popporn that they plan to artistically birth a porn parody of the MTV reality hit. Jersey Whores will be written and directed by Spock Buckton and Brian Bangs with Mike Quasar pointing a camera (and his penis) at it.I'm confused. Up until ten minutes ago I assumed Jersey Shore WAS a porno. Just one with an irritatingly slow build. Guess I'll pull my pants back on now. (via Warming Glow)
Jack Bauer and the case of Now Where Did I Park My Car… In spite of rumors that Jack Bauer would be playing peek-a-boo with his grandchild for 24 episodes of this season of 24, it appears the writers came up with something a tad more action-y. Who knew that Jack wouldn't be content settling down and enjoying the simpler things in life? I knew, because men who gauge out eyes with Bic pens don't just trade that in for fishie faces and ants on a log. Below is a trailer and a featurette for the brand spankin' new 8th season of 24. Yes, Jack has had seven miserable, exhausting, terrorist-filled days and it looks like he's in store for another one. Maybe this season ends with him battling the lack of oxygen getting to his brain. In other words, a stroke, like most normal people would have faced by now. The official synopsis goes as such:
Production Weekly is reporting that the long-gestating prequel to John Carpenter's The Thing will begin filming in two months. Commercial director Matthijs van Heijningen Jr. (thanks for the easy to spell name, Dad) will helm the alien vs human thriller, which is shooting in Toronto from March to June. The script, written by Ronald D. Moore (Battlestar Galactica) and Eric Heissere (A Nightmare On Elm Street), tells the story of the doomed Norwegian camp that is found tattered and decimated in the original. There's no word yet on casting or more importantly on who will be handling the special effects. Here's hoping that the producers are respectful to the original and don't go with someone like Channing Tatum. Dude's acting is whatever and his visual effects portfolio is WEAK. (Production Weekly)
If you hate special effects and love on-stage, low-budget renditions of blockbuster action movies than the Old Murder House Mystery Theater could be right up your alley. The troupe, an off-shoot of the War Room Collective, a group of filmmakers from the Savannah College of Art and Design, has performed stage productions of Jurassic Park and The Lion King/Predator, and now they've brought Roland Emmerich's "masterpiece" Independence Day to Off-Broadway. Check out the stripped-down, raw action and effects after the jump. Welcome to earth.
I'm sure you all remember this monkey going apesh*t over magic tricks. Well now here he is purchasing baked goods and being chased by bulldogs. Things are slightly askew in Japan… (via WarmingGlow)