Whatever deal Tyler Perry made with the devil apparently doesn’t extend to every actor in the biz. I'm talking about the kind of people in this group of cursed thesps/models pretending to act. I have even heard about a law being proposed that if you have had more than two TV shows cancelled, you are banned for life from participation in a TV show again. I heard about it because I personally submitted it to Congress under the name Mayor McFartcheese. I haven't been contacted yet.Without futher ado, here are ten actors who are television cancer:Blair Underwood
Michael Bay and Platinum Dunes have incensed a number of horror fans with their Abercrombie & Fitch approach to remaking The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, The Amityville Horror, The Hitcher, Friday the 13th, and potentially A Nightmare on Elm Street. And now they've got their sites set on incensing horror comedy fans with the announcement they've teamed with Rob Cohen for his long-gestating remake of The Monster Squad, the Fred Dekker cult classic that is fondly remembered by all children of the 1980's. The director of Stealth may seem like an odd choice to helm the picture but he actually produced the original. A movie fact that I did not know and probably the reason I'll never make it to the Scene-It nationals. The movie tells the story of a group of kids banding together to stop Dracula from assembling all the legendary monsters in his quest to take over the world. Surprisingly I'm not too bitter about this news, only because I think the idea of a Michael Bay/Rob Cohen exxxtreme take on The Monster Squad is hysterical. This time around it will be discovered that not only does Wolfman got nards, but also a pretty gnarly Prince Albert piercing. (Deadline)
It appears the new Captain America has been cast. We're not sure who he is, but it appears when he's not murdering Nazis he enjoys kicking back at Pierhead Restaurant & Bar with Ghostrider, The Flash, Mr. Incredible, The Hulk, and no less than TWO Robins. Superheros should learn to be more secretive about where they go to get sh*tfaced. Google is ALWAYS watching. (BleedingCool)Don't let Google see you with these links.Betty White Calls Sarah Palin a Crazy Bitch (Moviefone)Former Manhattan Madame Runs for Governor (Asylum)Meet Jesse James' Tattooed Mistress (PopEater)2010 Douchebag Tournament: Round 2, Day 1 (HolyTaco)George Lucas Doing Star Wars for Babies (FilmDrunk)Ten 90s Crushes All Grown Up (Unreality)Top 10 Sexts Tiger Sent to Joslyn James (TotalProSports)Best Beach Bodies (Maxim)Anteaters are F*cking Awesome (Smosh)Jessica Alba Shows Serious Cleavage (CelebJihad)UFC Live: Vera vs. Jones (CagePotato)Let's Discuss Space Boners (Pajiba)March Madness Girl (Atom)Winning March Madness Picks (MadeMan)How Do Cars Become Airborne (AllLeftTurns)5 Reasons Your Gaming System is Better than your Girlfriend (RegretfulMorning)
The resemblance is uncanny.
Two posters for Stallone's The Expendables were presented at ShoWest and they've refortified my testicles after the damage they sustained from watching the Eat, Pray, Love trailer. The first shows a chrome skull adorned with gun/knife wings (and bullet poops?). It can only be accurately described as "visual Pantera." The second isn't as cool. It's an Ed Hardyized picture of what Stallone would look like as a back tatt. Sandra Bullock would be wise to lock it away before her husband tries to have sex with it. (Collider)
This is how demons mate. In the trailer for Eat, Pray, Love, Julia Roberts goes on a quest under the Tuscan Indian sun to get her groove back. Except she puts pizza inside of her instead of Taye Diggs. The movie is based on the best-selling memoir by Elizabeth Gilbert, the writer who decided to pig out and travel for a year. Much like Vince Vaughn did when he decided to make Couple's Retreat. Watch the trailer at your own risk. I just did and it caused me to have my first period. Great, there is seriously period all over the place now. I've never seen so much period. I'm gonna need like a million Tampax. Devour the trailer after the jump…
Alice Braga first came to America's attention when she starred as sexy, tan Angelica in City of God. She then went on to fight CGI zombie things with Will Smith in I Am Legend. I'd take Brazilian drug dealers over poorly rendered CGI villains any day. A word from Alice: "I love my country, but I'm not very Brazilian at all." Yeah, you're right. Your butt could be bigger. More pics of Alice's Brazilian form after the jump.
Screen Junkies has been given an exlusive sneak peak of Rob Corddry and Clark Duke in a red band threeway. Don't worry, there's a chick involved, and it's from their upcoming movie Hot Tub Time Machine, not some grainy, stolen sex tape. The scene perfectly portrays the overall tone of the film. It's fun, raunchy, and chock full of set pieces that will have you grinning to LOLing. Be sure to check back next week for my on camera interviews with the film's stars Rob Corddry, Craig Robinson, Clark Duke, and Crispin Glover. But for right now, enjoy the ménage a trois below. Hot Tube Time Machine materializes in theaters Friday, March 26.
Jesse Jane need not apply.Best. Casting. Call. Ever. Pirates of the Caribbean 4: On Stranger Tides is looking for a few young ladies with very specific measurements and a fine pair of naturals. Attention all you beautiful-types, if your chesticles stand upright when you're on your backside you need to find another way to fulfill your pirate fantasies. Here is the actual casting breakdown:Beautiful Female Fit Models. Must be 5'7-5'8, Size 4 or 6 – NO BIGGER OR SMALLER. Age 18-25. Must have a lean dancer body. MUST have real breasts. Do not submit if you have implants. This is a show and tell of costumes with the director and the producers. Plan on an entire day of trying on clothes and being photographed.Professional Dancers who are Swimmers. Females ONLY. Age 18-30. All ethnicities. YOU MUST have an extensive dance/swimming resume. We will be shooting in Hawaii.Score one for the girls with high self-esteem! You've shyed away from the temptation of augmentation and look what the universe has delivered in return. You might get to walk through the background of a crowded bar while Johnny Depp stumbles and mumbles to Penelope Cruz in the foreground. Sure, no one will pay a lick of attention to you, but you'll know you helped grant the scene realism. And nice naturals.On that note, may I make a casting suggestion?Now imagine Rosie Jones in a corset. (Moviehole)
No one is really sure what the deal is with Ghostbusters 3. If you listen to Ivan Reitman, Dan Aykroyd, or Harold Ramis, it's moving ahead. If you listen to Bill Murray, it's his nightmare and he wants nothing to do with it. The only thing we know for certain is Reitman is attached to direct. But now comes word that Columbia Pictures wants a younger director on the project (ie: somebody who didn't direct My Super Ex-Girlfriend). From Vulture:"Reitman's old contract still gives him exceptional creative control over the series, including director approval. Therefore, while it’s true that Reitman can’t force Columbia to make Ghostbusters 3 with him, he can make it nearly impossible for the studio to make the film without him." "In fact, a source tells" [Vulture] "that Reitman and all three original principals (Dan Aykroyd, Bill Murray, and Harold Ramis … sorry, Ernie Hudson!) have a deal that says that if any of the four of them don’t like any element of a new Ghostbusters, they can singlehandedly veto and kill the project; it has to be unanimously approved before going forward."Personally, I think it's unlikely we'll ever see another Ghostbusters movie and I'm okay with that. The original two were a great film and an okay sequel that shouldn't exist outside of the 1980's, and the thought of a new generation of Ghostbusters sounds completely lame. The last thing we need to see is the cast of She's Out of My League strapping on proton packs.
Here's a video of some of the actors from "Lost" saying "Mmm…cake." When the women do it I get horny and hungry at the same time. Good thing I've got my Sarah Lee sex doll on hand. Nobody DOES do it like Sarah Lee…Mmm…links.John Cusack in the Rain Montage (Moviefone)Sweet Artwork on a Bald Head (Asylum)Tina Fey Goes Wild in Esquire Photo Shoot (PopEater)2010 Douchebag Tournament: Round 1, Day 2 (HolyTaco)'Clash of the Titans' Poster Vandalism (FilmDrunk)Emperor Palpatine is Chillin' with His Bros (Unreality)Obama's Bracket Has Kansas Taking the Title (TotalProSports)St. Patty's Day Drinking Map (Maxim)12 Examples of Poor Body Painting (Smosh)12 Anti-Irish Cartoons for St. Patty's Day (CelebJihad)Jon Jones Has Some Tricks to Show Off (CagePotato)Code Monkeys Like Fritos (Pajiba)Banned Heartburn Commercial (Atom)Buy Your Own Kidnapping (MadeMan)LOL Race Pics: The Incredible Carl (AllLeftTurns)
USA Today premiered the first production still of the action movie Faster starring Dwayne Johnson, the wrestler with the eyebrow thing. The Rock (Ooooopsie!) plays “an ex-con pursued by cops and killers as he sets out to avenge his brother’s death.” The film also stars Billy Bob Thornton, Carla Gugino, and Moon Bloodgood. Now I can think of two reasons to see this film that each have two reasons to see this film. And no, I'm not talking about testicles.The tag for Faster is "Revenge is the only thing that drives him." Thought provoking stuff, but I think that this guy would disagree:Show your chauffeur some respect Dwaaaayne. (/Film)
Nerds have been on the verge of bonerdom since the above Red Sonja poster was released at Comic-Con in 2008. The status of that project has been unknown since then because Rose McGowan and Robert Rodriguez aren't banging genitals together anymore. Today, news that the actress has been cast in the Conan remake may finally trumpet that project's demise.McGowan has signed on to play a half-woman/half-witch opposite Fake Lenny Kravitz in Marcus Nispel's remake. Does this mean that Red Sonja is officially D.O.A. or does her agent only hang out with geeks and this role will serve as a taste of things to come? As of right now, it's too soon to tell if she will follow Brigitte Nielsen's career path or what the status is of her sleeping with Lil Wayne in season 26 of "The Surreal Life." (Variety)
Brie Larson sings some songs that I think tweens listen to while sipping virgin pina coladas, but you may better recognize her as the angsty daughter on The United States of Tara. Her character is a bratty teen who I want to slap in the mouth and send to her room. Then I silently stifle the quiver of excitement that rushes down my spine.A word from Brie: "I feel so much better just being comfortable with myself and hopefully girls will accept that."Quit letting your publicist whisper jibber jabber in your ear and just inject those toxins in your face already.Brie is all natural (so far) after the jump.
Someone at ShoWest snagged some footage of the new Adam McKay directed comedy The Other Guys starring Mark Wahlberg and Will Ferrell. I'm really digging how Marky Mark is the Cash to Ferrell's Tango. Sure, Wahlberg is playing another ramrod cop, but don't fix it if it ain't broke, yaknowwhatI'msayin'? And Ferrell wears glasses in this film, which I haven't seen him sport in awhile. As long as he doesn't do the whole man-child act again, I'll sit in another darkened theater with him. Here's some context for all you brainiacs:
Scott Pilgrim vs. The World follows Michael Cera as he battles the seven evil ex-boyfriends to win the girl of his dreams. That's a weird approach to romance. "Oh hey. I beat the crap out of all your exes. You're mine now." [honks boob]Anyway, the teaser poster premiered at ShoWest and it depicts Michael Cera hunched over a bass guitar like a homeless person hunched over their own crippling hunger. Either that or he's just been kicked in the nuts. Hmmm, Michael Cera Kicked in the Nuts. After sitting through Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist and Paper Heart, that's a movie I'd pay to see. (ComingSoon)
In honor of St. Patrick's Day, we have an update about Conan O'Brien's comedy show. Those of us who weren't able to surprise our girlfriends with tickets to "The Legally Prohibited From Being Funny on Television Tour" (what's Jay Leno's excuse?) may be in luck today. Remember how you didn't really watch "The Tonight Show" while he hosted and he was subsequently fired? Well, now you have the option to ignore a documentary about the upcoming tour too.We don't know what exactly to expect from the documentary but the tour itself is rumored to be off the wall with surprise guests and O'Brien's guitar (unfortunately). The ousted host's attempts to please "The Tonight Show" audience were lackluster due to the forced sanitization of his material so it will be fun to see him cut loose from the fetters of the network and crabby, old people. Always driving so damn slow and buying up all the Werther's. (Deadline)
It's a slow as sh*t news day and the cat looks like Wilford Brimley. Your argument is invalid.Here are today's links.Sci-Fi Blockbusters' Top Secret Working Titles (Moviefone)Look Ma, a Flying Horse! (Asylum)Laughter at Corey Haim's Funeral (PopEater)The 2010 Douchbag Tournament Has Begun! (HolyTaco)Gary Busey is Crazy and It is Amazing (FilmDrunk)10 Strangest Looking Actresses in Hollywood (Unreality)20 Hot Boxing Babes (TotalProSports)The Weirdest Things in Video Game Hell (Maxim)Man Marries Pillow (Smosh)Tiger Woods Announces Return to Cheating (CelebJihad)Kimbo Slice Needs to Come Get Some (CagePotato)Review of 'Showgirls' (Pajiba)The Least Interesting Man in The World (Atom)How to Win a Gunfight (MadeMan)Andretti Sao Paulo Crash (AllLeftTurns)How to Celebrate St. Patrick's Day (RegretfulMorning)
Sasha Grey is starring in a movie that won't bring oxygen deprivation induced tears to her eyes. At least not by her usual means. The porn actress with the gift of no gag plays a Jesus freak in Richard O'Sullivan's horror flick Hallows. O'Sullivan says:"Hallows basically takes the standard kids-in-the-woods-running-from-a-killer genre and flips it on its ear. The deaths aren't random. They're not cookie cutter. Each character dies in a fashion relating to the way they live their life. I'm less interested in gore-for-the-sake-of-gore (although there is gore in this film and plenty of it) than the psychology behind the characters and how they react to what happens. That's why we're happy to be working with Sasha. She's more interested in the psychology behind the action than just the action itself. That's what she conveys in her work in the adult genre, and that's what we're going for in this film."I totally see what he means. When I Googled Sasha's name I came across a picture of her trying to shove a cocktail napkin up her coochie and I thought to myself, "That girl gets the human condition." (DreadCentral)
Ready to dismantle the Third Reich one Nazi at a time.Soon after we reported that Ryan Phillippe was being considered to take on the role of Captain America, news broke that stripper turned streets-stepper-up-to Channing Tatum has also been approached for the role. I must admit that I'm growing tired of writing about this movie day-in and day-out. What if we just cast an Australian who moved here at a young age? That almost counts as American, right?Anyway, I have two very sound reasons why Channing Tatum should not be cast as the First Avenger.Exhibit A:Exhibit B:[fart sound]Regrettably, we'll let you know as this story develops. Be sure to check us out tomorrow afternoon when it's reported that Stifler is being eyeballed for the role. (THR)
HBO refuses to falter in its attempts to overtake our Sunday nights. Yesterday we showed you the new trailer for David Simon's "Treme" and today we have a longer look at the Terrence Winter and Martin Scorsese period drama "Boardwalk Empire." Set in Prohibition-era Atlantic City, it's an old timey look at gambling and gangsters starring Steve Buscemi as Nucky Thompson, the real life crime boss who ruled A.C. with an iron fist and distended eyeballs. Think of it as "Deadwood" with running water and Omar from "The Wire." Have a look at Atlantic City's glory days before it was claimed by the elderly, after the jump.
Juno Temple is a British actress who's done a lot of British stuff, including Atonement, Notes on a Scandel, and probably Jude Law. What?! She's legal and he's Jude Law. A word from Juno: "I think it’s one of the worst things you can do… take away a child’s innocence." Uggghhh, you're layin' it on kinda thick. I think Jude gets it. He's not going to change. More not so innocent pics after the jump.
"Which one of you wants to be a star?!!!"Have you ever wanted to see the filming of a major motion picture firsthand? Would you like a grown man to scream swears and insults at you through a megaphone?? Do you like box lunches??? Then today could very well be your lucky day.Dreamworks is looking for background talent in the Los Angeles area for Transformers 3 and they're doing so through Craigslist. And before you knock the legitimacy of the posting, I'll have you know that Craigslist is great. It's how I found my apartment and my trademark cold sores.The ad doesn't mention which day or days shooting will take place but it does pay $200. Applicants will be selected on a breast-by-breast basis. Check out the ad HERE. (via Collider)
Darth Vaders Winter Vacation – Watch more Funny VideosYou'd think a Lord would do better with the ladies. Darth Vader's attempt to bag some tail while on vacation proves fruitless, and quite honestly, uber depressing for someone with such a sweet breathing apparatus. Don't drink and dial, Vader. No one wins at that game. (EgoTV)
Martin Scorsese has been busy casting his adaptation of the children's fantasy tale The Invention of Hugo Cabret. Sacha Baron Cohen and Ben Kingsley are in talks to sign on as a train station investigator and famed silent filmmaker George Méliès respectively. Asa Butterfield (The Boy in the Striped Pyjamas) has been hired to portray the lead character, who lives in the walls of a Paris train station while trying to repair his dead father's robotic invention. Up and comer Chloe Moretz is also signed on for the female lead role of Isabelle. Man, between Kick-Ass and Let Me In, 13-year old Chloe Moretz is soooo hot right now. Like, really really hot. I didn't mean it like that, guys. Oh, come on. *sigh* Alright. I'll go warn my neighbors about me. (Deadline)
The teaser for "Treme" gave us only sad, orphaned instruments, so it's nice to see some people paying attention to them in this new trailer. Everyone seems happy as pie, but since "The Wire's" David Simon is co-creator I have a sneaking suspicion things are going to take a turn for the worse. It's just good TV, folks. Or rather, good HBO.Show these links some love.'Airplane!' Movie Quotes (Moviefone)How to Live in a Treehouse (Asylum)PETA Doesn't Like Mike Tyson Racing Pidgeons (PopEater)This 'Twilight' Comic Gets It Right (NotZombies)25 Animals Playing Sports (HolyTaco)St. Patrick's Day: The Movie (FilmDrunk)8 Child Starts from Classic Horror Films (Unreality)The Greatest Wrestling Move EVER (TotalProSports)24 Hours: Rob Corddry (Maxim)19 Best Homeless Person Signs (Smosh)Justin Bieber Concert Ends in Violence (CelebJihad)Hot Maria Kanellis Pics (CagePotato)'Breaking Bad' Contest (Pajiba)Evan and Gareth: Tie (Atom)How to Drink with Dignity (MadeMan)March Madness: NASCAR Ediiton (AllLeftTurns)
Dakota is sacrificed to Hollywood.Dreamworks has been searching for some bright-eyed, innocent young person to fill the role of Hugh Jackman's son in Real Steel, and rascal Dakota Goyo emerged "victorious." He's not to be confused with Dakota Fanning, the states of North and South Dakota, or the Dakota Reach-Around, this thing that Wookie does. From THR:DreamWorks, making its first movie under its deal with Disney, issued a public casting call in early February. It also conducted open auditions in Chicago and New York, looking for someone to play a "street-smart, tough, charming kid with a hard, untrusting outer shell which hides a warm enthusiastic spirit beneath."And they had to go to Canada to find him. What, there aren't enough punkass little sh*ts in America to fit your desired Jackman spawn? Gimme five days and I'll give any kid you pick an untrusting outer shell. …The warm, enthusiastic spirit underneath I cannot guarantee.
Why does this exist?It really seems like the casting for The First Avenger: Captain America is going poorly. The bland shortlist comprised of Chris Evans, Garrett Hedlund, Mike Vogel, and Wilson Bethel has reportedly grown longer and more bland. Today there's word that MacGruber's Ryan Phillippe is in the running for the role. Considering Phillippe is 35 years old, he's easily a decade older than the other applicants. It would be a stretch to cast him as a young Steve Rogers, even with his boyish good looks and pouty lips. **splashes face with water, snaps out of it and cancels GQ subscription**Look, I understand that Captain America should be American, but all of our guys suck. In the interest of never having to write about this subject again, can we please just cast an Australian? Or if that won't work, how about a Canadian? That could be a workable solution as long as their eyes aren't too close together. (HitFix)
"Are those Bagel Bites?!!"Columbia is eager to work with David Fincher again after seeing him work on The Social Network. Variety is reporting that he's attached to re-up with the studio for Pawn Sacrifice, a movie about chess nerd Bobby Fischer's 1972 match against Boris Spassky. That sounds exciting, huh? Well, more exciting than Ridley Scott's Monopoly anyway.But Variety is also reporting that Fincher has his eye on the US remake of The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo (which sounds more like a Fountains of Wayne song than it does a movie). Also note that Fincher may be involved with the 3D version of Heavy Metal as well as his previously reported HBO series. It's doubtful that he'll take on all these projects due to his demanding schedule. Same old story. You know how he is. I'm still waiting for him to clean out the damn rain gutters like he promised he was gonna do. (Variety)
Rachael Harris has made guest appearances in a ton of TV shows, including "Reno 911" and "The Sarah Silverman Program." She also played Ed Helms' bitchy wife in The Hangover. She's funny, cute, and has a sexy librarian thing going on when she wears glasses. A word from Rachael: "Maybe because I’m an improviser and I was ready for anything that he was going to bring."And she rolls with the punches. What more could you ask for? I'm pretending she's talking about gettin' freaky, and not acting.More sexy librarian pics of Rachael after the jump.