Whatever your stance on the treatment of animals or the health benefits of a vegetarian diet may be, we can all come together and agree on one thing: it would just be super to be that pumpkin at the 14 second mark. Or the asparagus at 17 seconds. Or the pumpkin once again at 20 seconds. Man I want to be that pumpkin. It's a shame that NBC has banned this commercial which was supposed to play during the Super Bowl. There are two possibilities. Either the National Cattlemen’s Beef Association has organized a giant consipracy to fight the airing such seditious material, or every single network exec at NBC is gay. Those are your options. You decide.
Tonight's TV gives you the choice of an hour's worth of absurd comedy from the brilliant people at Scrubs, OR an hour's worth of Fringe where the team has to find out why people's brains are being liquefied (then presumably mixed with Hennessy and sipped).Plenty more brain juice after the jump.
Steven Spielberg has drafted Will Smith into his quest to continue to take a dump on movies you hold in high esteem. This time it's Oldboy. The pair is just "in talks" at the moment and nothing official has been started. I like Will Smith, only because I don't dislike him. I also don't dislike the affordable and dependable Toyota Camry, Cinnabon, and MSNBC. They are all totally non threatening. Here's what's happening in Hollywood. Oldboy Remake: Something Less Than Stunning? (Playlist) Hillary Duff And Guy To Go On Murderous Rampage (Filmdrunk) Marvel Gets Self Sued For $750 Million (Filmonic) Scott Bakula Not Dead, Will Be On The TV (Commingsoon) Racist Comic Book To Be Made Into Movie (/Film)
Hope you all enjoyed your weekend. Jack Bauer spent it giving ladies the shocker (pictured above). Mine consisted of book shelving, cheap wine, and witnessing a midget dressed as Britney Spears strip to her underwear (Lil Wayne concert = worth the money). Tonight, House cares for a special ed teacher, and 24 heats up with Bauer starting to make his moves against the bad guys he's currently working for (crossing my fingers for a terrorist attack!). One of the greatest/funniest/golfiest movies of all time is also on tonight. More after the jump.
Ahh, the Hollywood Circle Jerk continues as award season gets into full swing with the adulations of the Screen Actors Guild being dished out last night. And the bottom line is this: Slumdog Millionaire is the best movie that has ever been made in the history of movies. That and more in your post-weekend, am news roundup.Corpse of Heath Ledger Dug Up, Paraded Around (/Film)Lycans Get Blarted (Filmdrunk)Seth Rogen Loses All That Fat For No Reason (JoBlo)Robert Downey Jr. Is James Bond, 1891 Style (Playlist)
This past monday was considered the most depressing day of the entire year. I don't know how scientists decided that, but they are scientists so we must stand behind them as a country and not question their important work. My point is that there is a possibility that this could be the most depressing weekend of the year. You are best served to only leave the couch in order to visit your local theatre, or to purchase more liquor. Here are your options.
I was really impressed by this trailer. It looks pretty damn original with some fantastic art direction and a great concept. I have no idea what the budget is, but I cant imagine they dropped a lot of money on making it. My prediction is that the movie will turn heads and the director will sign with a studio and make something big and awesome and creepy. Or it will be a total flop that nobody will give a crap about. Before the verdict is in, check out the film's site.Thanks to Filmdrunk for the tip.
As much fun as it is to listen to Pelosi talk about how big Obama's package is on MSMBC, I'm turning my attention to something much more important: Your Morning News. Marijuana Addiction Makes Woody Harrelson Forget Shoes (MTV)Rights to Fincher’s Torso in Limbo (/Film)Amy Fisher Makes A Porno (Filmdrunk)Pope Prepares To Sing Chocolate Rain, Film Cats (Variety)Sienna Miller Debates Rubber Breasts (EW)
Just your typical Thursday Night TV– a solid chunk of laughs with new episodes from The Office and 30 Rock. And hey, why not dial into TruTV as a fallback during the commercials? Where else are you going to find the best penile fractures and crack fueled attempts at outrunning a helicopter with a 1987 Buick LaSabre? With music by Benny Hill.
The big story of the day continues to be the massive FAIL on the part of the The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences regarding their Oscar nominations. I spend most of my day reading what I would like to think of as the opinions of younger, more in touch people. Mostly regarding movies, but sometimes regarding other stuff. These are the same sort of people that were massively influential in electing our new president, and who are way more adapted to the media environment that we're all living in. With that said, here are some of the fine works that represent this ascendent generation. Barack And Michelle Will Do What To Each Other? (Holy Taco) BIG NEWS FOR TWEENS! Dakota Fanning In New Moon? (Filmdrunk) Thelma and Louise. Only with 4 aging whores: Sex In The City 2 (WIMB) Seven Unintentionally Hilarious Movie Villains (Unrealitymag) Bill Hader To Cut People Into Tiny Pieces, Eat Them (Pajiba) Uwe Boll, Mike Myers Lead 'Official' 2008 Razzie Nominations (Playlist)
This year's nominations are official. And there are a few categories with which I am taking immediate umbrage (throws down top hat, removes monocle) #1: The Wrestler should be nominated for Achievement in Costume Design. It took Mickey Rourke DECADES to weave that human suit out of growth hormone, horse steroids, hooker sweat, and amateur boxing matches. #2. Springsteen's song for The Wrestler should have been nominated in the Original Song category. #3 The Reader does not deserve a nom for Best Picture. It's about a woman who can't read. We can not use America's preeminent award ceremony to promote illiteracy. #4. Benjamin Button was good, but not 13-noms-good. Check them out and have your say, Junkies.
If you've never seen Lost, then tonight is your night. The first hour attempts to recap everything that happened in the past four seasons, and then they proceeds to bombast you with a two hour premiere that will leave you stupeified and asking for more. Also check out FOX's new series Lie to Me starring Tim Roth as an expert in lie detection who helps the cops solve crimes. Would I be lying if I said I'm crapping my pants in anticipation for Lost? You be the judge.
There's this race in Portland, OR called the I-Tit-Arod where dudes have to go to every strip club in town and have a drink within 24 hours. There are something like 90 clubs. No one has ever finished the race. I hope there's a similar competition during the Inaugural Balls where young, brash Charlie-Wilson-esque state representatives have to stop at each party, chug a glass of scotch, sexually harass three Senate aids, and lobby for a new bridge in their home district. I'd call it the Inagarod. Now here's the links. A Shitty Day In The Life Of An Informmercial Actor (IAMBORED) The Music of Mark Gormley Is F'Ing Amazing (Gorilla Mask) ZOOEY WHATSERFACE IS CUTE (Filmdrunk) The Ten Greatest Lost WTF-isms (Unrealitymag) Because I Ain't Gonna See It: A Waltz With Bashir Review (Pajiba) Totally Not TV or Movie Related: Denise Milani Is Hot (Holytaco)
FROM: HOLY TACO. Why someone would want to be confronted with paternity test results on national television is beyond me. But then I'm also not addicted to meth, Aqua Net, and Value Cigarettes. Click HERE to witness some of these amazing reactions.
Barack Obama and his Super Friends take over all the stations for prertty much the entire day and night. You have every channel commenting on every single gesture everyone makes, with interspersed shots of really excited people screaming and jumping to be seen on TV at the biggest bash of all time. What, you're not drunk yet? I'm trashed! Surprisingly, FOX is running their regular schedule, which includes the return of Fringe. Welcome to the age of Obama!
I've been watching the MSNBC inauguration coverage out of the corner of my eye today. With the few delays– like Ted Kennedy having a seizure and a few gaffs– like Chief Justice John Roberts bungling the inaugural oath, it's been a pretty amazing day in DC, and the anchors have done a solid job. They spent some time talking about how cock-diesel the new Presidential Limo is. 5 inch thick blast proof doors, chemical attack-proof oxygen system, and other things we'll never know about. But what they didn't mention was that this bad-boy gatling gun suburban rolls behind it in the motorcade parade that's currently taking place. Hope and change are important and all. But if things go south, spraying a wall of lead is a nice backup plan. Check this video.
This is basically the last night that you will sleep while George W. Bush is your president. For some of you this may be the sad parting of a hawkish visionary who's tough guy politics heralded in a new era of American dominance. Others may be puking joy as Commander Dickface heads back to Crawford or Dallas or wherever to hopefully wither into obscurity and never talk in a public forum again. Whatever side you may be on, we will all most likely wake up tomorrow and things will basically be the same. Celebrate this new epoch of sameness with Screenjunkies and some of our link friends. Everyone Likes Sexy Commercials (UNCOACHED) Someone is Stealing the Jonas Brothers Underwear (Webster Is My Bitch) Planet 51 Looks Like Space Shrek For Jerkwads (Unreality Mag) GRAN TORINO REVIEW: GET OFF MY LAWN, GOOK (Filmdrunk) The 5 Worst-Selling Inauguration T-Shirts (Holy Taco)
Here's a sobering MLK DAY factoid for you: 2000 was the first year all 50 states recognized it as a Federal holiday after it was passed as law in 1986. Ponder that a little bit, try to figure out why people wouldn't want a day off work, and then give yourself over to the TV. House is back in action tonight after a 4 week holiday break, and some terrorists are going to piss off Jack Bauer by flying planes into eachother. Your TV lineup after the jump.
I could spend all day listening to the quasi-poetic ramblings of boxing's greatest mouth. Mike Tyson is the dream realized. Poor kid from a rough neighborhood, no formal education, rising to the top of his sport only to get busted for sexual assault and chewing people's ears off in fights. Now he's still got that face tattoo and a new documentary coming out.And if you are not one of the 6 million people that has see this 'best moments' comp, then do yourself a favor.
I really hope that you are not out marching for racial justice on this historic MLK Day. Because WWTD posted a clip of Joaquin's AMAZING performance in Vegas this weekend. Please watch the entire thing. And then please have your say. Is this all a joke or is Phoenix really having one of the most amazing on-camera melt-downs in Hollywood history?More Good Monay Morning Stuff:Ever Wonder What Happend To Steve Gutenberg? (IAMBORED)WATCHING NOTORIOUS IS DANGEROUS (Filmdrunk)Why Fart and Waste It When You Can Burp and Taste It? (Pajiba)WENDY MAKES AMERICA PROUD (Holytaco)
It just keeps getting weirder and weirder with Joaquin. We published an Op Ed that he penned a few months back about his experience as an actor. We also posted the video when he first announced that he would be quitting acting to pursue his "music." We later learned that that "music" would be rap music with rumors of an album produced by Diddy. But this interview, done last night before his performance in Vegas is winning the battle of bizarre. Apparently Casey Affleck has been making a documentary about this entire process of Phoenix trying to launch his rap career. Which makes me think that this entire thing is just some awesome meta hollywood joke. Please let it be that. Otherwise the closest possibility is that he's addicted to model airplane glue.
There's nothing more you could you ask for in a movie that has blood, boobs, and psychopathic killers–in 3D!!! My Bloody Valentine isn't going to be a critic favorite, it's just going to be freakin' fun as hell. Also this weekend– Paul Blart drives his segway around a mall, and Biggie Smalls comes back to cinematic life. But 3D Boobs always prevail. Always.
"Ah this Captain EO about which you speak has convinced me that the best possible weapon against the West is a paralyzing dance routine. We mush develop this capability now. Please find me this Magic Space Negro, and bring him to Tehran." JOAQUIN PHOENIX IS HIGH ON PCP (UPDATE) (Filmdrunk) Worst Wheel Of Fortune Player EVER (IAMBORED) Kate Hudson Looks Good In Leather (Hollywoodtuna) Philip Seymour Hoffman To Direct Movie About Stoned Cab Driver The Return Of 3D (Sound and Vision) And one more video after the jizz-ump.
Dear Mr. President, My Name is Max Powers. I watch a lot of TV. Tonight you are going to be on TV. This is the last time that you are going to be on the TV (like all official as the president) and you will be giving your farewell goodbye-bye talk. I hope nobody throws shoes. They probably will not because you are giving the talk in America and not Durka-Durakastan. Do you ever watch The Office? Now that is a funny show. So is 30 Rock. They will also be on TV with you. Not with you, but like also on tonight. Sincerely, Max Powers. PS, Don't let the door hit you in your ass on the way out.
Dear Mr. President,
FROM CAGE POTATO: We open with the hair-raising voice of punk-legend/TV host Henry Rollins: "They are bitter rivals from different worlds. A stone-cold champion from the frigid streets of Montreal, and a hot-blooded challenger from the black sands of Hilo Bay…" So begins the first episode of UFC Primetime, the "St Pierre vs. Penn 2" promotional mini-series that reportedly cost $1.7 million to produce, with each episode being completed just hours before it airs. Check out the full recap at Cage Potato.
Jesus I want that bike and those shorts and that shirt and that TV.
Take a breather, there's nothin' new tonight (except Knight Rider, where a bomb placed inside KITT will explode if he goes under a certain speed–Dennis Hopper's prob behind it). On the other hand, there's a rerun of the 2hr season 4 finale of Lost to get you super psyched for the return of the show, a top 10 countdown of the dangers associated with volcanic eruptions (#1 is skinny girls burn faster than fat ones), and a showing of Napoleon Dynamite. Dont worry, there's an eruption of TV premieres coming up (The Office, Battlestar Galactica, Friday Night Lights, House, Lost).
Here's your morning news links from our trusted, if not somewhat perverted friends.CASTING HUNTER S. THOMPSON’S RUM DIARY (Filmdrunk)R.I.P. Prison Break (Pajiba)McG responds to Bay’s bitchin’(Filmonic)Crank 2 and Outlander Movie Posters (/Film)Fresh Prince Of Bell Air To Venture 20,000 Leagues Under Sea (Joblo)Karate Kid Remake Just Got A Dose Of Retarded Awesome (Playlist)
Tonight we have another full hour of new Scrubs on its new network, the most enjoyable aspect of Amerian Idol (the tryouts) and some Will Smith in I, Robot. Here's your daily digest of what's worth watching.