You have to be quite fond of a celebrity to get their image and likeness burned into your flesh, or you just have to be really drunk. Either way, the result is permanent and at least semi-disturbing. Enjoy the pictorial ramifications of someone's poorer judgement…
In May of 2009 Screen Junkies received an unsolicited review of Hannah Montana: The Movie from famed director and noted statutory rapist Roman Polanski. Due to current events we have decided to run the review in its entirety. Hannah Montana: The Movie is like an erotic daydream dealing with lust, taboo, and human nature. On the surface the film is a simple morality tale, but its depths surpass understanding. Over the past month I have watched the film more than 30 times, and I have analyzed it shot by shot. But the more clearly I see its physical manifestation, the more I am stirred by its erotic mystery. The film opens with our middle-aged hero, Robby Ray Stewart (Billy Ray Cyrus), sitting in a changing room, staring longingly at a blonde female wig. Like Citizen Kane’s “Rosebud,” or the green light at the end of Gatsby’s pier, the object represents the protagonist’s deepest wants and desires. But what exactly is it that our hero desires?
The latest image from Sylvester Stallone's sausage party, The Expendables, shows that even at the age of 63, the Hollywood legend can still kill a militia without breaking a sweat below his nipples. Impressive. In an article over at Empire, Stallone talks a bit about the over-the-top actioner. "It's also a story that isn't super-gigantic; it's almost a believable story." It's almost believable. Which is to say, it is believable up to the point where we see a man of retirement age clinging to the side of an aircraft. Wait. What if The Expendables is actually a live-action version of Up? These morning links will give you damp nipples for sure…. If what they say is true, Rodriguez's Predators will be epic (Latino Review)Karen O.'s Where The Wild Things Are soundtrack is streaming online (Cinema Blend)Columbia picks up supernatural jailbreak film, Supermax (First Showing)Leo gives The Deep Blue Goodbye (/Film)Joe Dante dives into 3D horror (Reuters)
Book of Eli Trailer #2 – Watch more Funny Videos"This little town… it's just the beginning. All we need is that book!" says Gary Oldman, as the villainous Carnegie, in the trailer above. It's a line that tells you everything you need to know about The Book of Eli. It's also a quote overheard at every single publishing company meeting after S**t My Dad Says Twitter account surpassed 300,000 followers.This little town… it's just the beginning. All you need… are these links!The 7 Deadly Sins Of Sharing A Bathroom (HolyTaco) When Hunting And Fishing Collide (TotalProSports) Guns Put To Good Use (TheChive) 7 Funniest Moments In People's Court History (SuperTremendous) The Tim Burton Fashion Show (FilmDrunk) Ten Terrifying Movie Creatures From Your Childhood (Pajiba) Polankski Requests Miley Cyrus Posters For His Cell (CelebJihad) Five Pretty Funny West Side Story Spoofs (Unreality) Ben Schwartz Has Priority Management Issues (Asylum) Miss. Fans Caught Red Handed With Cow Bells (BustedCoverage) If Digg Categories Were Honest (RegretfulMorning) Perfectly-Timed Costumes For 2009 (MadeMan) Why Your Driver Will Lose: The Hendrick Boys (AllLeftTurns) Teenager Beaten To Death In Melee (NothingToxic) Examing Chick Drinks (Atom)
Anastasia Griffith stars as first responder paramedic Nancy Carnahan on Trauma, which premieres tonight on NBC. Let's hope this high-octane show full of car crashes and helicopter explosions can pull the network up from last place. With a paramedic like Anastasia running around giving everyone CPR it's got a good chance of raising people's blood pressure. Unless the victims are coughing up lung juice and stuff, because that's not very sexy, even if it's on the lips of a hot blue-eyed blonde. Remember, lung juice is never sexy.A word from Anastasia: "People have told me since, being an adult, that my brothers are fiercely protective of me."Hell, I'd be protective of you, too. Also, you can't hear it through the still images (hello, technology?!), but Anastasia's British, which means she's got a proper British accent that'll have you properly melting in her hands. Long live the Queen. Here are few more pics that would be even sexier with greeting card audio technology!
A fake viral in support of an upcoming episode of 'Entourage?' Yeah, probably. But Matt Damon, who's been open about his desire to direct one day, is a good sport for taking the piss out of himself in that role. Adrian Grenier and Jeremy Piven play along nicely, too. Real or fake, it's no small task to beat the original director-on-actor tongue lashing, courtesy of David O. Russell and Lily Tomlin on the set of I Heart Huckabee's. Play us out, herr direktor!
There's always been a special place in my heart for the A Nightmare On Elm Street series, even the crappy ones to some degree. I was extremely jealous when the teaser launched all those months ago at Comic Con and I did not get to attend. Since then I have been wishing for the day that it would arrive online. That day is finally here. Below, check out the trailer for Samuel Bayer's remake of Wes Craven's classic. It looks like a solid update and based upon descriptions from a friend closer to the production, we're all in for a treat. The only way this could be improved is with a Chris Hansen cameo.
A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET TEASER TRAILER – Watch more Funny Videos
Freddy Krueger stalks the dreams of the Elm Street teens all over again.Release date: April 30th, 2010
Have a dog? Like Star Wars? You may want to consider humiliating them with either a Yoda, Leia, Ewok or Darth Vader costume. For example…
"I suppose I'd give birth too if I were a pregnant doe confronted by a T-Rex."- Jurassic Park cinematographer Dean CundeyHere now, are your weekend links:Flowchart To Determine If Your Girlfriend Is Cheating (HolyTaco)G20 Will Not Stop Penguins Fans From Celebrating (TotalProSports)Yer Wearing Your Clothes Wrong (TheChive)25 Amazing Plant Sculptures (SuperTremendous)Neve Campbell Is Alive, In Scream 4 (FilmDrunk)The Best Films Made For Under 60k (Pajiba)Eliza Dushku Gets Complex In Her Undies (CelebJihad)Megan Fox Is Not Arousing The Box Office (Unreality)10 Sexy Movie Robots That Fry Circuits (Asylum)Maxim Hometown Hotties Recommends (BustedCoverage) Pedobear Goes To Jail (RegretfulMorning)Trick Or Treating For Adults (MadeMan)Why Your Driver Will Lose: Tony Stewart (AllLeftTurns)Swerving Car Hits School Bus (NothingToxic) Select Your Own Adventure (Atom)
Classic cinema stills get bombed.
Bond Girl Rosamund Pike stars with Bruce Willis in Surrogates, opening everywhere today. Besides sexing up the screen in Die Another Day, Rosamund also starred in Pride & Prejudice as Jane Bennet, where she met future fiance, now ex-fiance, director Joe Wright. Apparently Joe called off the engagement shortly before the wedding. The invitations had already been sent out. Ooooo, that's gotta sting. You would have looked stunning in your wedding gown. Someday, Rosamund. Someday… A word from Rosamund: "If I have a quality of Englishness that people like, I won't hide that. I'm probably not going to play a junkie and that's OK."You say that now, but what if Spielberg wanted you to play a junkie for his new motion capture 3D musical "Junkies," huh? That project doesn't exist, but are you going to tell one of the greatest directors of all time that you won't smoke crack rock on screen? Besides, with your good looks, you could totally make rotted teeth work. Here are some pics after the jump with exemplary oral hygene!
Entertainment Tonight has posted video of their exclusive Iron Man 2 set visit. Too bad it wasn't Access Hollywood. Pat O'Brien could bring the "party favors" and Robert Downey Jr. could bring his Wonder Woman costume and things could just get nuts. Anywheyz, the footage shows awesome glimpses of the action such as behind the scenes footage of Mickey Rourke bisecting a Rolls Royce with his laser whips. But then it turns vapid in typical ET style. To paraphrase: REPORTER: Did you work out for this? RD Jr: Yeah. I worked out for this. REPORTER: OMG! Still, it's a cool look at a huge film that focuses mainly on the Monaco Grand Prix scene so as to not give away any spoilers. Check it out. ET Ironman 2 Set Visit – Watch more Funny Videos Work out your brain by reading these morning links… Neve Campbell returns for Scream 4 (Cinematical) Green Hornet scribes pen Simpsons 'sode (The Playlist) Mickey Rourke Cometh (/Film) Brian Dennehy cast alongside the RZA (Empire) Modern Family pulls in big numbers (Pajiba) Fantastic Fest kicks off (First Showing)
So, David Fincher's Facebook flick, The Social Network, got a cast this week. Why not a Digg movie in the future? Here's our "What If?" version, straight from the fake headlines of Variety. Cause, you know, we wanted it to look all official and stuff. Today's Marquee Links:Lisa Maria PhotosFemale Sprinter Fails at Finish Line
"Can you hear me now? How about now? Hello? Dammit. My cell phone doesn't work up he-" HACK! Scream. SLASH! Dead.I think this montage may have covered every single horror movie ever made in which someone's cell phone drops dead before they do. Except for Bachelor Party Massacre. That one wasn't on there, and it's a prime example of a genre film's successful use of the cell phone conundrum. The rest of it is a prime example of bad directing.Check out today's top links, now with nationwide service: A History Of Joe Biden Photobombs (HolyTaco) Win The Jackpot With Ric Flair (TotalProSports) Matthew McConaughey Is Unable To Stand Up (TheChive) Sam Raimi Is Producing A Yeti Movie (FilmDrunk) 8 Iconic TV Show Buildings That Exist (SuperTremendous) Pajiba Predicts The Academy Award Noms (Pajiba) The Full Megan Fox Lesbian Kissing Scene (CelebJihad) 12 Of The Most Well-Acted TV Characters (Unreality) Stupid Ways People Try To Get Wasted (Asylum) Why We Love College Football: A Gallery (BustedCoverage) 5 Foods You Lived Off Of In College (RegretfulMorning) Is Your Girlfriend Sugar Mama-terial? (MadeMan) NASCAR Nickname Flowchart (AllLeftTurns)
Sonya Walger was Penny on Lost, or as her husband Desmond pronounced it, "Penne!" like the pasta. But she also was on Tell Me You Love Me, where her character gave a controversial rub and tug to Adam Scott's character. Some people say it was Brown Bunny-real, while others think it was Boogie Nights-fake. Either way, Sonya looks like she's got some skeeellz. Look for her tonight as Olivia Benford on the premiere of FlashForward on ABC. It's network though, so don't expect any happy endings (sexually speaking). A word from Sonya: "I don't watch TV!"Well that's not going to help the ratings of your new show any. Try taking a gander tonight. See how you do. We promise television is far more entertaining than listening to The Shadow program on the radio. Oh wait, radio dramas don't exist anymore because it's 2009!The pictures of Sonya after the jump though are timeless!
With two hit television shows, a best selling book series, and the world's most downloaded podcast under his belt, about the only thing left for Ricky Gervais to conquer is the silver screen. And with the upcoming release of The Invention of Lying (Oct. 2), Gervais is poised to do just that…unless of course it's anything like Ghost Town.In honor of this comedic Renaissance man and his new film, we've compiled our seven favorite classic Ricky Gervais clips. Gervais, the Stand-Up Comedian/MC:Not many comedians can reference both AIDS and the Holocaust and still get a laugh (unless Mel Gibson or my dad are in the audience). But Ricky Gervais pulls it off flawlessly.
Director: Ricky Gervais, Matthew RobinsonCast: Ricky Gervais, Jennifer Garner, Louis C.K., Jeffrey Tambor, Jonah HillSynopsis: A comedy set in a world where no one has ever lied, until a writer seizes the opportunity for personal gain.
David Cronenberg is revisiting his 1986 film, The Fly. Which of course was a remake of a previous version re-imagined through the Goldblum Filter. A remake of a remake? That kind of gene-thinning would normally create a film who's plot is more deformed than Sloth's nutsack. However, Cronenberg has proven himself to be an inventive and solid director so we're not worried about this project at all. We'll provide more details as they come in. (THR) Wash the image of Sloth's nutsack out of your mind with these morning links… Some Days Are Better Than Others is a ten on quirk-o-meter (The Playlist)Bryan Singer: Giant Slayer (Cinematical)Watchmen: The Ultimate Cut (/Film)Daredevil and Ghost Rider to return to the screen (Empire)Dexter and Doakes playset (Dread Central)
Megan Fox Music Video – Watch more Funny Videos As you may know by now, Jennifer's Body opened this weekend to disappointing box office figures, even though the movie had the three ingredients that can almost guarantee a hit: an Oscar-winning writer behind the script, lesbian kissing and… lesbian kissing. So what went wrong? Well, recording artist Without a Face might have the answer to that in this new music video response to the film, entitled 'Hire a Hacktress.' If only Hollywood players communicated their ideas like Without a Face… actually development meetings would be really long with the whole singing instead of talking thing, but the results would speak for themselves. You can buy Without a Face's album 'Worst Debut Album Ever' on iTunes and CD Baby. And you can check out these links for free: The Anatomy Of A Fast Food Restaurant (HolyTaco) The World's Strongest Ears (TotalProSports) Bar Rafaeli Likes To Wear Hurley (TheChive) Archie & Jughead Score Crack In Hollywood (FilmDrunk) 10 Awesome Fight Scenes In Movie History (Manofest) The Next Catch Phrase You'll Hate (Pajiba) Zac Efron Shoots Cat 13 Times In The Head (CelebJihad) Rather Depressing Gallery Of Fat Superheroes (Unreality) 4 Reasons Why Women Can't Be Pickup Artists (Asylum) Sean Salisbury Is The New Jose Canseco (BustedCoverage) 25 Spank Worthy Hand Bras (RegretfulMorning) Save The Boobs Girl Revealed (MadeMan) Dale Earnhardt Jr. Song Video (AllLeftTurns) Drunk Girl Fights In Football Bleachers (NothingToxic) Claymation Patrick Swayze (Atom)
Sofia Vergara isn't too well known in the States, but in Colombia she's a goddess. And judging by her pic above you can see why. Sofia stars as Ed O'Neill's wife Gloria Delgado-Pritchett in Modern Family, which premieres tonight on ABC. I've seen it, and while it may not completely alleviate your Arrested Development withdrawal, it's as close as you're going to get to funny dysfunctional family situational comedy. Watch it, if only for Sofia, and to kill some time.A word from Sofia: "This is how I've looked since I was 13 years old."I think that makes you the reason they invented statutory rape.Here are some delightfully legal pics after the jump!
This morning, Variety confirmed that Columbia Pictures and David Fincher have set the three principal castmembers for The Social Network, the Aaron Sorkin-penned drama retelling the creation of Facebook. Hollywood's current "awkward smart guy" du jour Jesse Eisenberg will portray Facebook's founder, Mark Zuckerberg.
A Japanese Tim Burton fansite leaked the above picture of Nicolas Cage dressed as Tommy Wiseau dressed as Superman and its now all over the 'Netz. Some speculate that this is a test shot for Burton's never-lensed Superman Lives project. Others say it is Nicolas Cage badly shooped onto an action figure. At any rate, it's not half as ridiculous as this Nicolas Cage Ghost Rider makeup test.Apparently, Cage had Harlow FX do this trial run on him for his Halloween party a few years back while Ghost Rider was in the early stages of pre-production. It is also apparently where his son Weston Coppola Cage gets his fashion sense. Try these links on for size…Summit Entertainment to murder Highlander (Latino Review)The Social Network throws a sheep at Justin Timberlake (First Showing)The Mad Men animated gif you've been waiting for (GIF Party)George Clooney to direct Matt Damon in War On Terror (MTV)Colm Feore and some chick join Thor (/Film)Some other chick joins Dinner for Schmucks (Empire)
In these hard economic times, many of us have had to turn to our own ingenuity to make ends meet. And a lot of times, that means going out of one's comfort zone. In the case of international terrorist organization COBRA, they had to resort to recruiting would-be ne'er-do-wells with their own hair metal band… and its own theme song, "Cold Slither." Thankfully, Al Qaeda hasn't been able to assemble a band of such caliber, though I hear Osama has a hard-on for Tesla. This video is one of several awkwardly insane moments from 80s cartoons that Spike.com has up on their site. Check out the rest here. Otherwise, grab the spandex and the Aqua Net™ dudes. Today's links wail: 10 Awesome Football Announcer Screw Ups (HolyTaco) CFL Fan Uses Field Goal As Balance Beam (TotalProSports) Cakes For Awkward Situations (TheChive) The Kanye Thing Is Over, Jack White (FilmDrunk) 15 Awesome Office Chairs (SuperTremendous) Top 12 American Movie High Schools (Pajiba) 10 Items Recovered From The Lohan Robbery (CelebJihad) 'District 9' Pisses Off Nigeria (Unreality) Cardstacker Bryan Berg Gets A Room (Asylum) Why We Love College Football: A Gallery (BustedCoverage) Hot TV Host Falls Hard (RegretfulMorning) Signs You're Severely Overworked (MadeMan) Why Your Driver Will Lose: Greg Biffle (AllLeftTurns)
No relation to Leo, but impressive, none the less. Very impressive. Not much is known about Dominique except that shock jock Howard Stern apparently picked her to be the next "Miss Howard TV." She's even ahead of Megan Fox in search trends on Google. Yowza! Who knew we'd live to see this day. People are finally getting over Megan Fox. Looks like she might have to take that next big leap to keep her career alive. And of course I'm talking about gettin' nakey. A word from Dominique: No comment.Dominique is too new on the scene to say anything that we can blatantly take out of context, but I'm guessing you're not too interested in her deep insights anyway. You want to see more voluptuous curves, and you want to see them now, damnit.Well look no further than after the jump!
Praise the autumnal equinox! With the changing of the leaves comes the changing of television programming, and while the Summer heat made me unconscionably sweaty, this season's new lineup has all my glands wide open. So clear your DVR's queue to make room for my personal favorites this Fall. I'm guaranteeing a fantastic time indoors away from parents, women, and cyborgs (don't pretend like they're not out there among us). Enjoy the following! What it's about: Winning Emmys.
Resident Evil 4 plot details have leaked like the drool that oozes from the corners of its target audience's mouth. It's been revealed that Ali Larter and Prison Break's Wentworth Miller have joined the cast. Larter will reprise her role as Claire Redfield and Miller's role is unknown at this point. Though his prison experience will come in handy due to the factor that the film's undead will besiege a prison in this installment. If they wanted an actor with prison experience, the producers should look no further than Tom Sizemore. (Dread Central) These morning links don't bite… Darren Aronofsky makes Ocean's Eleven look like Leonard Part Six (Cinematical) Marvel President to take over Disney? (Latino Review) Coen Brothers plan Old Fink (MTV) Sherlock Holmes demands a sequel (First Showing) Toy Story 3 trailer set to premiere (/Film)
THIS CONTEST IS NOW CLOSED. @AnthonyRicci is the winner. Please Direct Message us with your address so you can claim your prizes!The new Dennis Quaid and Ben Foster-starring sci-fi thriller Pandorum opens up this Friday, and Overture Films is giving away a Pandorum prize pack that includes a wall mountable mp3 player, a Resident Evil Trilogy DVD pack, and a mini Pandorum one-sheet (all pictured below). If you want to win all of the above, we're gonna make things real easy on you. All you have to do is sign into your Twitter account, and tweet the following message: "RT @screenjunkies Don't fear the end of the world. Fear what happens next http://tinyurl.com/lc7ohe " That's it. Simple. And it won't cost you any space bucks. Winner will be chosen at random from the collection of received tweets. We'll contact you via Twitter. Contest ends at 11:59pm on Thursday, September 25th, Pandorum's opening day. Contest is NOW CLOSED.
Christopher Walken Cooks a Chicken – Watch more Movie Trailers "The way your Dad looked at it, this Stove Top stuffing was your birthright. He'd be damned if anybody else was gonna put his greasy hands on his boy's birthright. So he hid it in the one place he knew he could hide something. This chicken. Forty-five long minutes, he had this stuffing up this chicken. Then when he had to run out to the grocery store, he gave me the chicken to put in the oven. I kept this chicken in the oven for fifteen more minutes. Then, after letting it sit, I placed it in this serving dish. And now, little man, I give the stuffing to you." These links belong on a gold watch, they do: How To Keep An Office Romance A Secret (HolyTaco) TPS Monday Afternoon Quarterback (TotalProSports) 23 Uber Sexy Oktoberfest Photos (TheChive) Twilight Has Doomed Us All (FilmDrunk) 61 Greatest Emmy Cleavage Photos (Manofest) 5 Best Shows Looked Over By Emmy (Pajiba) J. Love Hewitt Airbrushed Skinny (CelebJihad) Five Excellent Moments With Tarantino (Unreality) 91-Year-Old Man Defends Home With Revolver (Asylum) ESPN Hires Bikini Model To Drive Fans Nuts (BustedCoverage) A College Girl's First Walk Of Shame (RegretfulMorning) Hottest Emmy Winners Of '09 (MadeMan) Why Your Driver Will Lose: Brian Vickers (AllLeftTurns) Asesinato In Mexican Subway Station (NothingToxic) Russell Brand Is Feeling Naughty (Atom)
You may remember Jennifer Morrison from the two minutes she spent playing Captain Kirk's mommy in this past Summer's (today's the first day of Fall!) little indie Star Trek. If you happened to miss her birthing scene because you were buying Sour Patch Kids, you can see her a lot more on House M.D., which premieres its 6th season tonight on FOX. It looks like her character Cameron is going to marry Chase this year, which is interesting because those two were engaged in real life and broke it off right before the marriage. Talk about conflict! Let's hope some of the awkwardness shines through on screen. A word from Jennifer: "This isn't technically the normal way that medicine works."Oh great! Thanks for pulling back the curtain and revealing all the smoke and mirrors behind the magic of television. You're such a party-pooper, Jennifer. …But I'd still play doctor with you. Here are a few more pics of Jennifer after the jump that won't poop your party!