News - Page 296

Timothy Olyphant and Radha Mitchell Attacked by Crazies
Thursday, October 1 by

Attacked By Crazies – Watch more Movie TrailersBreck Eisner's directorial track record is a little suspect. His 2005 feature debut, Sahara, made us McConaug-hate. And 'round these parts, we're not prone to negativity about Mr. J.K. Livin'. Needless to say, we were a little circumspect about this new project, The Crazies, a remake of George Romero's 1973 flick of the same name. But color us impressed by what we've seen so far. And it looks like Eisner is attached to helm both Creature from the Black Lagoon and Flash Gordon remakes in the next few years. So he must be doing something right. Judge for yourself in the trailer above.  But after viewing don't look back. Just click on these links: If Celebrities Were The Animals They Look Like (HolyTaco) Predictions For The 2009-10 NHL Season (TotalProSports) The Products Of Real Life Mad Man (TheChive) Hugh Jackman Trains Robot Boxer (FilmDrunk) 9 Most Annoying Commercial Jingles Of All Time (SuperTremendous) 25 Worst Movies Of The Decade (Pajiba) Leaked Naked Pictures Of Rihanna Real (CelebJihad) The World's Only Bill Paxton Pinball Machine (Unreality) Learn The Ways Of A Scotch Whisky Master (Asylum) Win Two Tickets To Brett Favre Mania (BustedCoverage) 25 Sexy Plumber's Cracks (RegretfulMorning) The Art Of The One Minute Shower (MadeMan) Get It Together, ESPN (AllLeftTurns)

‘FlashForward’ Actress Genevieve Cortese
Thursday, October 1 by

Genevieve Cortese is an accomplished stage actress who now stars as Tracy Stark in FlashForward.  She went from performing Shakespeare to acting opposite Harold from Harold and Kumar.  Not to diss John Cho, because he's one funny mofo, but I think we can all agree that Kal Penn, a.k.a. Kumar, is a lot more similar in likeness to Macbeth.  First of all, Kal is Indian and Hamlet is Danish, so they're practically neighbors.  Second of all, this argument is incoherent and offensive to masterpiece literature.  It also has nothing to do with Genevieve, who, did I mention, is an accomplished stage actress?   A word from Genevieve: "I'm a big tomboy and I like sports, but I'm also girly and I giggle a lot more."There's nothing wrong with giggling, Genevieve.  Let those giggles out while you're hiking a pigskin or knocking a softball out of the park.  Just as long as you're not giggling at me, who's most likely fumbling around in the outfield trying to fit in with the jocks.  Oh how I suck at sports…Here are some pics after the jump that are secure in their athletic abilities!

Zombie Movie Survival Statistics
Thursday, October 1 by

Thanks to some early positive reviews and serendipitous schedule openings, Zombieland has been pushed up to an early release: this Friday, October 2nd. We couldn't be more excited for Zombies to deservedly reclaim the spotlight from those f**king vampires for at least a little while. Don't get us wrong. Zombies have never really left.  Books like Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, Max Brooks's Zombie Survival Guide and World War Z… movies like Shawn of the Dead… even Twitter accounts like shitmyzombiesez have all been carrying the torch. In preparation of a Zombie attack this weekend, we've decided to provide you with some handy graphs, charts and diagrams to aid you. Feel free to work them into your company meetings.   

LA Candy
Thursday, October 1 by

A young woman strikes gold in the Hollywood Hills.

“”"”The Hills”: The Book”: The Movie!”"
Thursday, October 1 by

Back in high school, Lauren Conrad was featured on the MTV reality show Laguna Beach, a docudrama that followed the lives of Southern California teens. After graduation, she moved to Los Angeles and starred in the reality spin-off The Hills. She's since left the show but along the way a ghost-writer tapped Conrad to create a fictionalized biography about her televised life. That book, the New York Times bestseller LA Candy, joins the esteemed ranks of Viewfinder, Asteroids, and Battleship in getting it's own movie adaptation. That's correct. A movie based on a book based on a television show based on another television show based on nothing. Hollywood, please be careful when sucking your own d*ck. You could break your neck. (Cinematical) Grab a napkin and check out these morning links… Lies from the prosecution may flatten Polanski's case (/Film)Roger Avary jailed. Will this slow down Return to Castle Wolfenstein? (AP)Seth Rogen's Green Hornet costume has a slimming effect (First Showing)Buzz Lightyear: Origins (Cinema Blend)Red Dawn set pics (Latino Review)Stallone over-explains Death Wish (Empire)

Japanese TV Show Night Vision Goggle Soccer Fail Explosion!!!
Wednesday, September 30 by

Japanese Night Vision Goggle Soccer – Watch more Funny Videos This is some Japanese blooper show from what looks to be the late 80's judging by the Cosby sweaters.  And I could be wrong, but I'm pretty sure that famed filmmaker "Beat" Takeshi Kitano is the co-host of this program. It's as if Dave Coulier left "America's Funniest People" only to then direct and star in a bloody, violent Yakuza film. Though, truth be told, if they remade Battle Royale in English and I had to pick someone to play the teacher, I'd go with Coulier. Just to see him kill a schoolkid with a throwing knife would make up for the shame he was put through entertaining America's youth as as Uncle Joey. Here are Today's Top Links. No Popeye, Bullwinkle or Jackelope Voice Needed:  If Tom Brady Had Another Comic (HolyTaco) High School Football Team Pulls A Buffalo Bills (TotalProSports) 20 Restaurants To Avoid At All Costs (TheChive) Olivia Munn Spoofs Twilight (FilmDrunk) The Human Jumbotron Is Insane (SuperTremendous) 5 Best Movies About Non-Traditional Sports (Pajiba) Timberlake Wants To Hit Rihanna (CelebJihad) Celebs Get Together To Examine Their Breasts (Unreality) 6 Reasons Men Have Sex (Asylum) 2009 Make 'Em Piss Blood Challenge (BustedCoverage) 7 Blasphemous Cartoons (RegretfulMorning) Be Your Own Action Figure (MadeMan) Hockey Player Wants To Try NASCAR (AllLeftTurns) Nightclub Suck Punch Attack (NothingToxic) Grand Theft Auto Precinct (Atom)

‘Eastwick’ Actress Lindsay Price
Wednesday, September 30 by

Lindsay Price stars as sexy witch Joanna Frankel in Eastwick on ABC, an adaptation of the movie, which was an adaptation of the novel.  Only one of these things has Jack Nicholson in them though, and it ain't the small screen version.  Oh well, at least Lindsay is hot enough to make us curious how her character controls people's minds for her own benefit.  It's really just a mystical form of playing hard to get.  Me (if I were on the show): "I have no interest in what's under your tight, black pencil skirt."  Joanna:  "Yes you do."  Me:  "Eh, okay I'll take a look."  (Mental high five).    A word from Lindsay: "I never got the sex talk about the birds and the bees; my parents just sat us down in front of "The Blue Lagoon." What a confusing perspective you must have on the subject.  Corral reefs and love don't usually fall into the equation of sexual intercourse.  Pabst Blue Ribbon and boredom are more often the culprits.  Oh how movies romanticize the mundane…Here are few pics that are anything but mundane after the jump!

Leaked Footage from Nolan’s ‘Inception’
Wednesday, September 30 by

This morning, three new user-generated videos from the set of Dark Knight director Christopher Nolan's new movie, Inception, popped up online and we have them for you. They're all from the film's downtown Los Angeles shoot.  It's hard to figure out exactly what's going on. The first clip is definitely the most interesting. Not since Amtrak sponsored Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade have I seen a train running along asphalt-paved city streets. But that was a long time ago… Guess this little transportation anomaly is all part of Inception's hook that it takes place "in the architecture of the mind." I wonder who the best coffee in this guy's head…

Mel Gibson Plays With “The Beaver”
Wednesday, September 30 by

 Pictures of Mel Gibson on the set of his new movie The Beaver have arrived online. The film, directed by Gibson's Maverick co-star Jodie Foster, tells the story of a depressed man who communicates via a beaver puppet much like Dave Coulier is probably doing these days. (Pajiba) Slide your frigid hand up the warm backside of these morning links… Second trailer for Fantastic Mr. Fox (Latino Review)Entertainment Tonight clip spotlights Mickey Rourke as Whiplash (Superhero Hype)(500) Days' Marc Webb to direct Just Another Love Story (First Showing)Randy Quaid is having girl problems and I feel bad for him, son (Daily Beast)Jessica Alba set to home wreck in Little Fockers (Empire)Terminator for sale (/Film)

Can You Show Me How To Get Far Away From ‘Banana Street’?
Tuesday, September 29 by

Bizarre Japanese Sesame Street – Watch more Funny VideosJapan has long creeped us out with their advanced robotics and panty sharking but today BoingBoing posted a video that proved they have no intention of stopping their insanity. The above clip from Banana Street stars human versions of Bert and Ernie. I want to stress that human versions of Muppets win the Freaky Olympics hands down. It's as if the Grudge ghost and Pennywise the Clown boned and birthed these fraternal twin monsters. Knee-knocking fear has caused me to draw the string on my hoodie so tight that my field of vision is the size of a cat butt. Mourn the death of your inner child with these consolatory links… Honest Letters To One Night Stands (HolyTaco) USC Running Back in 'Critical But Stable' Condition (TotalProSports) Beware The Creepy Photobomber (TheChive) Mel Gibson Plays With His Beaver (FilmDrunk) 25 Awesome Futuristic Motorcycles (SuperTremendous) Five Once Great 80's Movies That Have Aged (Pajiba) Sophie Monk Needs To Adjust Her Bathing Suit (CelebJihad) Drink Sweet Candy Blood From A Blood Bag (Unreality) Should Wearing A Hitler Mustache Still Be Taboo? (Asylum) Dallas Stars Ice Girls Screen Caps (BustedCoverage) Turkeys Attack Mother And Her Little Boy (RegretfulMorning) 3 Key Ingredients For Bachelor Pads (MadeMan) Championship Probability Table (AllLeftTurns) 

‘The Biggest Loser’ Host Jillian Michaels
Tuesday, September 29 by

I could have chosen a sexier picture of Jillian Michaels, the host of NBC's The Biggest Loser, but I went with a humorous selection instead.  The image above exemplifies how much of a bad ass Jillian is.  If you don't lose weight, she'll literally climb on you and push you down into the ground until you reach the seventh circle of hell.  It's a painful process, but nothing good comes easy.  How else are you supposed to develop abnormal stomach muscles without the threat of damnation?A word from Jillian: "When I want to workout but am in that lazy mood, I just have sex."Insert slack-jawed picture of me here.  Jillian is one of those women that you'd like to bang because there's a good chance she'd kill you in the process.  It's the fear that's exciting.  Make sure to have a contractor lined up though because you're definitely going to knock some holes in the walls.Stare slack-jawed at more pics of Jillian after the jump!

30 Celebrity Fan Tattoos: A Gallery
Tuesday, September 29 by

You have to be quite fond of a celebrity to get their image and likeness burned into your flesh, or you just have to be really drunk.  Either way, the result is permanent and at least semi-disturbing.  Enjoy the pictorial ramifications of someone's poorer judgement…

Roman Polanski Reviews ‘Hannah Montana’
Tuesday, September 29 by

In May of 2009 Screen Junkies received an unsolicited review of Hannah Montana: The Movie from famed director and noted statutory rapist Roman Polanski. Due to current events we have decided to run the review in its entirety. Hannah Montana: The Movie is like an erotic daydream dealing with lust, taboo, and human nature. On the surface the film is a simple morality tale, but its depths surpass understanding. Over the past month I have watched the film more than 30 times, and I have analyzed it shot by shot. But the more clearly I see its physical manifestation, the more I am stirred by its erotic mystery. The film opens with our middle-aged hero, Robby Ray Stewart (Billy Ray Cyrus), sitting in a changing room, staring longingly at a blonde female wig. Like Citizen Kane’s “Rosebud,” or the green light at the end of Gatsby’s pier, the object represents the protagonist’s deepest wants and desires. But what exactly is it that our hero desires?

New Ridiculous Photo from “The Expendables”
Tuesday, September 29 by

The latest image from Sylvester Stallone's sausage party, The Expendables, shows that even at the age of 63, the Hollywood legend can still kill a militia without breaking a sweat below his nipples. Impressive. In an article over at Empire, Stallone talks a bit about the over-the-top actioner. "It's also a story that isn't super-gigantic; it's almost a believable story." It's almost believable. Which is to say, it is believable up to the point where we see a man of retirement age clinging to the side of an aircraft. Wait. What if The Expendables is actually a live-action version of Up? These morning links will give you damp nipples for sure…. If what they say is true, Rodriguez's Predators will be epic (Latino Review)Karen O.'s Where The Wild Things Are soundtrack is streaming online (Cinema Blend)Columbia picks up supernatural jailbreak film, Supermax (First Showing)Leo gives The Deep Blue Goodbye (/Film)Joe Dante dives into 3D horror (Reuters)

‘Book of Eli’ Trailer #2 with Denzel Washington, Mila Kunis & Gary Oldman
Monday, September 28 by

Book of Eli Trailer #2 – Watch more Funny Videos"This little town… it's just the beginning. All we need is that book!" says Gary Oldman, as the villainous Carnegie, in the trailer above. It's a line that tells you everything you need to know about The Book of Eli. It's also a quote overheard at every single publishing company meeting after S**t My Dad Says Twitter account surpassed 300,000 followers.This little town… it's just the beginning. All you need… are these links!The 7 Deadly Sins Of Sharing A Bathroom (HolyTaco) When Hunting And Fishing Collide (TotalProSports) Guns Put To Good Use (TheChive) 7 Funniest Moments In People's Court History (SuperTremendous) The Tim Burton Fashion Show (FilmDrunk) Ten Terrifying Movie Creatures From Your Childhood (Pajiba) Polankski Requests Miley Cyrus Posters For His Cell (CelebJihad) Five Pretty Funny West Side Story Spoofs (Unreality) Ben Schwartz Has Priority Management Issues (Asylum) Miss. Fans Caught Red Handed With Cow Bells (BustedCoverage) If Digg Categories Were Honest (RegretfulMorning) Perfectly-Timed Costumes For 2009 (MadeMan) Why Your Driver Will Lose: The Hendrick Boys (AllLeftTurns) Teenager Beaten To Death In Melee (NothingToxic) Examing Chick Drinks (Atom)

‘Trauma’ Actress Anastasia Griffith
Monday, September 28 by

Anastasia Griffith stars as first responder paramedic Nancy Carnahan on Trauma, which premieres tonight on NBC.  Let's hope this high-octane show full of car crashes and helicopter explosions can pull the network up from last place.  With a paramedic like Anastasia running around giving everyone CPR it's got a good chance of raising people's blood pressure.  Unless the victims are coughing up lung juice and stuff, because that's not very sexy, even if it's on the lips of a hot blue-eyed blonde.  Remember, lung juice is never sexy.A word from Anastasia: "People have told me since, being an adult, that my brothers are fiercely protective of me."Hell, I'd be protective of you, too.  Also, you can't hear it through the still images (hello, technology?!), but Anastasia's British, which means she's got a proper British accent that'll have you properly melting in her hands.  Long live the Queen. Here are few more pics that would be even sexier with greeting card audio technology! 

Matt Damon Blows Up At Adrian Grenier
Monday, September 28 by

A fake viral in support of an upcoming episode of 'Entourage?' Yeah, probably. But Matt Damon, who's been open about his desire to direct one day, is a good sport for taking the piss out of himself in that role. Adrian Grenier and Jeremy Piven play along nicely, too. Real or fake, it's no small task to beat the original director-on-actor tongue lashing, courtesy of David O. Russell and Lily Tomlin on the set of I Heart Huckabee's.  Play us out, herr direktor!

“A Nightmare On Elm Street” Teaser Trailer Arrives
Monday, September 28 by

 
There's always been a special place in my heart for the A Nightmare On Elm Street series, even the crappy ones to some degree. I was extremely jealous when the teaser launched all those months ago at Comic Con and I did not get to attend. Since then I have been wishing for the day that it would arrive online. That day is finally here. Below, check out the trailer for Samuel Bayer's remake of Wes Craven's classic. It looks like a solid update and based upon descriptions from a friend closer to the production, we're all in for a treat. The only way this could be improved is with a Chris Hansen cameo.
 

A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET TEASER TRAILER – Watch more Funny Videos
 

A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET
Monday, September 28 by

Freddy Krueger stalks the dreams of the Elm Street teens all over again.Release date: April 30th, 2010

Dogs in ‘Star Wars’ Costumes: A Gallery
Saturday, September 26 by

Have a dog? Like Star Wars? You may want to consider humiliating them with either a Yoda, Leia, Ewok or Darth Vader costume. For example…

Photobomb Fridays: ‘Jurassic Park’
Friday, September 25 by

"I suppose I'd give birth too if I were a pregnant doe confronted by a T-Rex."- Jurassic Park cinematographer Dean CundeyHere now, are your weekend links:Flowchart To Determine If Your Girlfriend Is Cheating (HolyTaco)G20 Will Not Stop Penguins Fans From Celebrating (TotalProSports)Yer Wearing Your Clothes Wrong (TheChive)25 Amazing Plant Sculptures (SuperTremendous)Neve Campbell Is Alive, In Scream 4 (FilmDrunk)The Best Films Made For Under 60k (Pajiba)Eliza Dushku Gets Complex In Her Undies (CelebJihad)Megan Fox Is Not Arousing The Box Office (Unreality)10 Sexy Movie Robots That Fry Circuits (Asylum)Maxim Hometown Hotties Recommends (BustedCoverage) Pedobear Goes To Jail (RegretfulMorning)Trick Or Treating For Adults (MadeMan)Why Your Driver Will Lose: Tony Stewart (AllLeftTurns)Swerving Car Hits School Bus (NothingToxic) Select Your Own Adventure (Atom)

PHOTOBOMB FRIDAYS
Friday, September 25 by

Classic cinema stills get bombed.

‘Surrogates’ Actress Rosamund Pike
Friday, September 25 by

Bond Girl Rosamund Pike stars with Bruce Willis in Surrogates, opening everywhere today.  Besides sexing up the screen in Die Another Day, Rosamund also starred in Pride & Prejudice as Jane Bennet, where she met future fiance, now ex-fiance, director Joe Wright.  Apparently Joe called off the engagement shortly before the wedding.  The invitations had already been sent out.  Ooooo, that's gotta sting.  You would have looked stunning in your wedding gown.  Someday, Rosamund.  Someday…  A word from Rosamund: "If I have a quality of Englishness that people like, I won't hide that. I'm probably not going to play a junkie and that's OK."You say that now, but what if Spielberg wanted you to play a junkie for his new motion capture 3D musical "Junkies," huh?  That project doesn't exist, but are you going to tell one of the greatest directors of all time that you won't smoke crack rock on screen?  Besides, with your good looks, you could totally make rotted teeth work.  Here are some pics after the jump with exemplary oral hygene!

ET’s “Iron Man 2″ Set Visit
Friday, September 25 by

Entertainment Tonight has posted video of their exclusive Iron Man 2 set visit. Too bad it wasn't Access Hollywood. Pat O'Brien could bring the "party favors" and Robert Downey Jr. could bring his Wonder Woman costume and things could just get nuts. Anywheyz, the footage shows awesome glimpses of the action such as behind the scenes footage of Mickey Rourke bisecting a Rolls Royce with his laser whips. But then it turns vapid in typical ET style. To paraphrase:   REPORTER: Did you work out for this? RD Jr: Yeah. I worked out for this. REPORTER: OMG!   Still, it's a cool look at a huge film that focuses mainly on the Monaco Grand Prix scene so as to not give away any spoilers. Check it out. ET Ironman 2 Set Visit – Watch more Funny Videos Work out your brain by reading these morning links…   Neve Campbell returns for Scream 4 (Cinematical) Green Hornet scribes pen Simpsons 'sode (The Playlist) Mickey Rourke Cometh (/Film) Brian Dennehy cast alongside the RZA (Empire) Modern Family pulls in big numbers (Pajiba) Fantastic Fest kicks off (First Showing)

If They Made a Digg Movie…
Thursday, September 24 by

So, David Fincher's Facebook flick, The Social Network, got a cast this week. Why not a Digg movie in the future? Here's our "What If?" version, straight from the fake headlines of Variety. Cause, you know, we wanted it to look all official and stuff.  Today's Marquee Links:Lisa Maria PhotosFemale Sprinter Fails at Finish Line

Cellphone Failures In Horror Movies
Thursday, September 24 by

"Can you hear me now? How about now? Hello? Dammit. My cell phone doesn't work up he-" HACK! Scream. SLASH! Dead.I think this montage may have covered every single horror movie ever made in which someone's cell phone drops dead before they do. Except for Bachelor Party Massacre. That one wasn't on there, and it's a prime example of a genre film's successful use of the cell phone conundrum. The rest of it is a prime example of bad directing.Check out today's top links, now with nationwide service: A History Of Joe Biden Photobombs (HolyTaco) Win The Jackpot With Ric Flair (TotalProSports) Matthew McConaughey Is Unable To Stand Up (TheChive) Sam Raimi Is Producing A Yeti Movie (FilmDrunk) 8 Iconic TV Show Buildings That Exist (SuperTremendous) Pajiba Predicts The Academy Award Noms (Pajiba) The Full Megan Fox Lesbian Kissing Scene (CelebJihad) 12 Of The Most Well-Acted TV Characters (Unreality) Stupid Ways People Try To Get Wasted (Asylum) Why We Love College Football: A Gallery (BustedCoverage) 5 Foods You Lived Off Of In College (RegretfulMorning) Is Your Girlfriend Sugar Mama-terial? (MadeMan) NASCAR Nickname Flowchart (AllLeftTurns)

‘FlashForward’ Actress Sonya Walger
Thursday, September 24 by

Sonya Walger was Penny on Lost, or as her husband Desmond pronounced it, "Penne!" like the pasta.  But she also was on Tell Me You Love Me, where her character gave a controversial rub and tug to Adam Scott's character.  Some people say it was Brown Bunny-real, while others think it was Boogie Nights-fake.  Either way, Sonya looks like she's got some skeeellz.  Look for her tonight as Olivia Benford on the premiere of FlashForward on ABC.  It's network though, so don't expect any happy endings (sexually speaking).     A word from Sonya: "I don't watch TV!"Well that's not going to help the ratings of your new show any.  Try taking a gander tonight.  See how you do.  We promise television is far more entertaining than listening to The Shadow program on the radio.  Oh wait, radio dramas don't exist anymore because it's 2009!The pictures of Sonya after the jump though are timeless!

7 Classic Ricky Gervais Clips
Thursday, September 24 by

With two hit television shows, a best selling book series, and the world's most downloaded podcast under his belt, about the only thing left for Ricky Gervais to conquer is the silver screen. And with the upcoming release of The Invention of Lying (Oct. 2), Gervais is poised to do just that…unless of course it's anything like Ghost Town.In honor of this comedic Renaissance man and his new film, we've compiled our seven favorite classic Ricky Gervais clips.  Gervais, the Stand-Up Comedian/MC:Not many comedians can reference both AIDS and the Holocaust and still get a laugh (unless Mel Gibson or my dad are in the audience). But Ricky Gervais pulls it off flawlessly. 

THE INVENTION OF LYING
Thursday, September 24 by

Director: Ricky Gervais, Matthew RobinsonCast: Ricky Gervais, Jennifer Garner, Louis C.K., Jeffrey Tambor, Jonah HillSynopsis: A comedy set in a world where no one has ever lied, until a writer seizes the opportunity for personal gain. 

David Cronenberg Remaking David Cronenberg’s “The Fly”
Thursday, September 24 by

David Cronenberg is revisiting his 1986 film, The Fly. Which of course was a remake of a previous version re-imagined through the Goldblum Filter. A remake of a remake? That kind of gene-thinning would normally create a film who's plot is more deformed than Sloth's nutsack. However, Cronenberg has proven himself to be an inventive and solid director so we're not worried about this project at all. We'll provide more details as they come in. (THR) Wash the image of Sloth's nutsack out of your mind with these morning links… Some Days Are Better Than Others is a ten on quirk-o-meter (The Playlist)Bryan Singer: Giant Slayer (Cinematical)Watchmen: The Ultimate Cut (/Film)Daredevil and Ghost Rider to return to the screen (Empire)Dexter and Doakes playset (Dread Central)