This commercial offers lonely housewives a chance to hear all the latest pre-recorded daytime TV news. Ladies can use this service when their husbands have torn the Soap Opera Digest by beating themselves to death with it.Hang up and dial 976-LINKS.25 Hot Trekkies (HolyTaco)Tennis Ball Boy Pees Himself (TotalProSports)More Hot Hotties of Facebook (TheChive)Crazy Heart vs. The Wrestler (Moviefone)Crazy Uncle Mel is Doing Vikings (FilmDrunk)That Hot Girl on TV During Football (Maxim)Post-Avatar Syndrome (SuperTremendous)100 Cheesiest Movie Quotes of All Time (Pajiba)Heidi Montag's New Plastic Surgery Face (CelebJihad)Battletoads 3D Has Arrived! (Unreality)Glow-in-the-Dark Bed Fit for an Avatard (Asylum)7 Unforgettable People You'll Meet at the Gym (RegretfulMorning)The NFL's Hottest Cheerleaders (MadeMan)Trick NASCAR Pool Shot (AllLeftTurns)
You don't need to read my mind to see my boner. In True Blood's idiotic second season finale, Bill needed to save Sam by squirting him full of his magic vampire blood (SPOILER ALERT). Well, who knows who will be squirting what in the new season. Show creator Alan Ball tells Michael Ausiello that the vampire and shapeshifter now share "not just any connection, an erotic connection," as a result of the transfusion. Ball wouldn't disclose how erotic the scenes will be, but let's assume the monster-mashing is nestled somewhere near Van Helsing and New Moon on the Gay Monster Scale, or GSM as it's more commonly called. (Ausiello Files)
All right Screen Junkies, time to put on your 3D glasses and get ready to witness the mayhem of Piranha 3D. In this trailer you'll see the — what's that? You don't have 3D glasses? Well, you're supposed to be ready at all times. These are the post-Avatar days we're living in afterall.For those of you who did come prepared, please enjoy this blurry look at a sh*tty movie that tries to sell you on the combined star power of Elisabeth Shue and Jerry O'Connell. Last week we heard it has had its release date pushed back maybe indefinitely. Moreover, if it does ever come out, word is it won't be in 3D anymore. But hey, BOOBIES!!!And on a sidenote, how are you going to make a movie about piranha where a guy on a jet ski rolls under the water's surface and doesn't emerge as a skeleton? That's just lazy filmmaking. (Pajiba)Check out the trailer with the little scary fishies after the jump…
Your obsession with Jennifer Connelly began back when she starred alongside a creepy (normal) David Bowie in Labyrinth. Since then it has grown with each passing film, and even though the quality of Jennifer's work has gone downhill since she won her Oscar for A Beautiful Mind, you still love her unconditionally. By the way, I project my infatuations. A word from Jennifer: "It's just funny looking back at yourself walking and talking at age 14."Someone's a late bloomer, Jennifer… I was already hearing about this thing people were doing called "sex" by 14. Check out more pics of Jennifer's blooming after the jump.
The "Reverse Na'vi-girl" has already been perfected. Someone over at Hustler had the brilliant idea to turn the second (soon maybe first) most profitable movie of all time into a porno. Give that man a promotion! In addition to Hustler, he must have an endless subscription to DUH!!!!!! Magazine.The nakey, sweaty, blue-smeary version of Avatar will be called This Ain't Avatar XXX, and it's just one of a few forthcoming porn parodies from Hustler. They also plan to "produce" This Ain't Curb Your Enthusiasm XXX, This Ain't Glee XXX, and This Ain't CSI XXX: Chatsworth. Another genius must by scribbling these names down feverishly in the titling department.In fact, the titles are confusing and misleading altogether. Is this NOT Avatar XXX? Does that mean it's just the Avatar without all the moaning and thrusting? If I'm browsing the shelves of my favorite adult bookstore for the latest Avatar porn why would I want to buy the one called This AIN'T Avatar XXX? I want This IS Avatar XXX. I want the IS! All of the blue, long-tailed, pointy-earred filthy IS they can crame into one poorly executed film! Just don't give it to me in 3D. My senses aren't prepared for that onslaught… (Empire)
Today we have a first look at MacGruber, courtesy of this red-band trailer. Will Forte displays a swagger that is as equal parts Richard Dean Anderson as it is David Hasselhoff. Looks like a fun movie. It's filled with danger, intrigue, explosions, and Upper-Deckers. Just like one of Michael Bay's house parties.On a sidenote, did Val Kilmer hire Steven Seagal's stylist and Kirstie Alley's trainer? Rumor is that they needed the jaws of life to get him out of his trailer every morning.Check out the age-restricted red band trailer at here.MacGruber stunt-rolls in to theaters April 23rd, 2010.
Last year's low-budget horror hit Paranormal Activity has been greenlit for a sequel. But how do you make a sequel to such a stripped-down film who's genius was found in it's simplicity? You hire a director known for their heavy-handed and overwrought filmmaking style.Saw VI's Kevin Greutert has been brought on board by Paramount to water down the scares and crank up the third-tier rap rock. Greutert was editor on all of the Saw movies and apprentice editor on Ernest Scared Stupid so we should be in really capable hands. The movie is scheduled to hit theaters on October 22nd, 2010, which leaves little time. Somebody get a Godsmack cover-band on the phone!! (THR)
Avatar won Best Picture last night on The Golden Globes, and James Cameron celebrated by staring at Zoe Saldana's boobies, or possibly the invisible basketball she's holding. Cameron sees things that aren't there, a side effect from his attempt to give Arnold Schwarzeneggar acting skills.Here are today's tangible links.25 Funny Billboards (HolyTaco)Peyton Manning Snaps at Jeff Saturday (TotalProSports)Jade Raymond is One Hot Geek (TheChive)The 25 Best Action Movies (Moviefone)Hot Women of Religious Movies (Maxim)The Abriged Avatar Script (FilmDrunk)15 Celebrity Yodas (SuperTremendous)Best Foreign Language Films of 2009 (Pajiba)Confirmed: Steven Spielberg is a Jew (CelebJihad)Busters. Myth Busters. (Unreality)10 Most Mantastic Moments in Black History (Asylum)29 Pictures of Hot Babes in Star Wars Outfits (RegretfulMorning)Inside the Mind of Motocross's Larry Linkogle (MadeMan)Danica Patrick Mega-Gallery (AllLeftTurns)Fat People Fight! (NothingToxic)Best if Chicago Sketchfest (Atom)
You know it's a slow news day when I've got to break out Whiplash the Monkey Cowboy. The news today is all last night's Golden Globes, Christina Hendricks's globes, and vague tabloid rumors. Here's a round-up of everything that probably isn't going to happen in the world of entertainment.Tobey Maguire is Bilbo Baggins – He's denied the rumor before but now that Spidey 4 is dead, some say that Tobey Maguire will be cast in The Hobbit. But those people are British, therefore liars. (The Sun)Robert Pattinson is Spider-man – Robert Pattinson (or R-Patz as I refuse to call him) is tabloid fodder created merely to give young girls and Adam Shankman something to talk about. The studio-controlled Spider-man reboot will be undoubtedly mishandled but I doubt it's going the Tiger Beat route. (Star Pulse)Wes Craven Might Not Direct 'Scream 4' – Come on, Wes. David Arquette NEEDS you. (MTV)Sigourney Weaver Hints at 'Avatar' Sequel Involvement – After all the crap she's put out there about Ghostbusters 3, you need a PKE-style Bullsh*t Meter to corroborate her stories. (MTV)
Alyssa Milano was on Castle last week, and I needed an excuse to post an Alyssa Milano gallery. So there you have it. If you don't like it you can take it up with management. Management says shove off.A word from Alyssa: "I feel a lot healthier when I'm having sex." What do we have if we don't have our health? Be as healthy as possible, Alyssa. So so so SO healthy. Like 24/7 healthy. In all kinds of weird positions. Work toward a healthier you by checking out more pics after the jump.
The attractiveness of castmembers for Martin Campbell's upcoming Green Lantern is no longer in jeopardy. Reports last week that Jackie Earle Haley was the front-runner for the role of Sinestro have been debunked by the director. MTV asked Campbell about the Haley casting rumor and he responded,"What? No. That ugly old thing?? No way. I'd sooner cast that hulk from Precious."Well, he didn't exactly say that. But he totally wanted to. You can tell. Check it out."No. That's completely wrong. In fact, we're in negotiations with Mark Strong to play Sinestro. He's not only a wonderful actor, but he looks like Sinestro. If you look up old pictures of Sinestro, he's very like him. The Jackie Earle Haley thing, somebody told me about it this morning; I had never heard it before in my life."Mark Strong is on a hot streak. Between Sherlock Holmes, Kick-Ass, and Green Lantern (and rumored sequels), he'll be Hollywood's official villian (behind Jeff Zucker). Somewhere, Andy Garcia weeps. (MTV)
Leo DiCaprio is on the hunt for Salvador Dali in this new pic from Christopher Nolan's Inception. I don't know if that's what's officially happening, but since Inception and LOST both choose to give us NOTHING before their premieres I only have my ridiculous assumptions to go on. In an interview with the L.A. Times, Christopher Nolan said that Inception was a larger endeavor than The Dark Knight, filming in no less than six countries. I'm guessing the above pic was taken in China, because I've never been there and I like to imagine China looks like a melted oil painting. Christopher Nolan went on to say, "I think we've put a lot of different things into the pot with this one. I grew up watching James Bond films and loving those and watching spy movies with their globe-trotting sensibility." The L.A. Times describes the film's premise as corporate espionage by way of dream invasion. Sweet. It's like John Grisham rewriting The Firm totally baked. Now if only he'd rewrite A Time to Kill while under the influence. Matthew McCaughnehey's character would be TOTALLY the same.
"Maybe swinging by Taco Bell before the show was a mistake on my part."Last night at the 2010 Golden Globe Awards, host Ricky Gervais talked about his penis and helped hand out some statues. Avatar won for Best Motion Picture Drama and Best Director. Michael C. Hall and John Lithgow dominated for their work on Dexter. The Hurt Locker walked away empty-handed. Maybe the film will have better luck at The Academy Awards where the winners are based on merit, not studio checkbooks. *almost keeps a straight face*CHECK OUT THE FULL LIST OF WINNERS AFTER THE JUMP…
NBC and Conan are working out the details now for his exit from the network and The Tonight Show. It's now believed that NBC will not enforce the no-compete clause in his contract and allow him to set up shop at another network, but he won't be taking his recurring characters and sketches with him. Inside sources say that NBC is keeping trademarked elements of Conan's shows as part of the exit deal. Characters like Masturbating Bear, Pimpbot 5000, Vomiting Kermit, Coked-Up Werewolf, and Horny Manatee (why didn't he connect with old people?!) will never appear again nor will sketches such as If They Mated, In the Year 3000, and Desk-Driving. It's unclear if Robert Smigel's Triumph the Insult Comic Dog is effected in this deal. I'm certainly looking forward to when Conan sets up elsewhere with a new slew of characters like Masturbating Deer, Pimpbot 6000, Sharting Kermit, and Coked-Up Werewolf Wearing Groucho Glasses. (THR)
Somehow streams of daylight make Predators look…less horrifying. Here are a few shots from the Robert Rodriquez written and produced sequel Predators. The film is directed by Nimrod Antal, and stars Adrien Brody, Laurence Fishburne, Topher Grace, Danny Trejo, and Walton Goggins. I hope once the sun slips behind the horizon the Predators above take on a more if-I-ever-came-face-to-face-with-one-of-these-things-I'd-sh*t-my-pants-instantly look.Predators hits theaters July 7th, 2010. Check out more pics after the jump.
Real cute, squirrel. Prepare to get f*cked. 25 Crazy Pizzas That I'd Eat (HolyTaco)Girl Flashes Hockey Players, Boosts Morale (TotalProSports)Hot Girls with Hot Tattoos (TheChive)A Skateboard Movie for People Who Like Drugs (FilmDrunk)The Golden Globes Drinking Game (Moviefone)20 Politicians Making Fart Noises (Manofest)Denzel Washington Career Assessment (Pajiba)Alessandra Ambrosia and Miranda Kerr in Lingerie (CelebJihad)The Straight Facts on Video Games (Unreality)The 'Bitch Slap' Girls Talk About Their Boobs (Asylum)Girls are Bad at Sound Effects (RegretfulMorning)Beer Tour: New York (MadeMan)Shaved-Back NASCAR Guy Update (AllLeftTurns)Criminal vs. Cops in Prison (NothingToxic)Tiger's Transgressions Game (Atom)
Somebody on the Nobel Committee please rush an award to this picture.While discussing the unnecessary DVD release of Smoking Aces 2, Joe Carnahan hinted to UGO that Mr. T may indeed appear in his upcoming The A-Team. This is, of course, contrary to earlier reports.UGO: Why isn’t Mr. T. doing a cameo? Joe Carnahan: I don’t know that he’s not, brutha, I don’t know that he’s not! That book is not yet closed. Benedict and Schultz are in it, the thing with T is that he’s very vocal that he didn’t want to play anyone other than B.A..This leaves us wondering what roles the cast of the television series will play in the film. Will Mr. T play B.A. Baracus's hyperactive, feather-earring wearing father? Or perhaps they'll go the Star Trek route and he'll play the future version of B.A. that Face meets in an ice cave after nearly being eaten by a bizarre, vagina-faced ice monster. Either one makes sense. (UGO)
There's a batch of new photos for The A-Team online. Here's a list of things peculiar/wrong with the picture above:1.) Rampage's eyeline.2.) Green-screen FAIL.3.) Videogame tanks.4.) This was filmed on the set of MacGruber.5.) Rampage's eyeline.This does not bode well for Rampage's acting skills. He can't even look at the same sh*t everyone else is looking at. The craft services guy must be carrying around a tray of mini quiches. (via Coming Soon)CHECK OUT THE REST OF THE PICS AFTER THE JUMP.
Katherine Boecher has made a few guest appearances on TV shows, most notably playing Lilith on two episodes of Supernatural. She's one of those hot actresses you see pop up every now and again, and then fade away into a see of day-players.A word from Katherine: "Who wakes up and thinks, 'Next week I'm going to be fighting Jackie Chan.'"I do every day, Katherine. Every. Day.Wake up and think about the pics after the jump instead.
"Don't look like much." Truer words were never spoken.Ah, it wouldn't be winter without a crappy video-game adaptation. From Dwight H. Little, the director who brought you Halloween 4 and Anacondas, and Alan B. McElroy, the writer of Spawn and The Marine, comes TEKKEN! Why'd they hire those guys? Is it supposed to be intentionally bad so that nerds will attend monthly Tekken midnight screenings and throw things at the screen? If so, why are they trying to round up all the nerds?? And who's going to clean up all those chop sticks off the theater floor? (Teaser-Trailer)Witness the opus after the jump…
Can you believe it’s already 2010? When we used to think about that number, it seemed like a year far off in the future. So did a lot of other years when sci-fi writers and filmmakers set their stories in the future. Here are some of the best sci-fi years that didn’t turn out as planned, and looking ahead some speculation about where we’re going.1984 (Set in 1984)
Last week we reported that the Farrelly Brothers would bang out a quick Owen Wilson comedy while waiting for their Three Stooges project to work out its kinks over at MGM. Hall Pass tells the story of a man in a dull marriage who is granted a one-week furlough by his wife to sleep with as many women as he wants. Today comes news that underrated hot chick The Office's Jenna Fischer will play Wilson's wife. Things get complicated in the relationship when Fischer begins to exercise her own "hall pass" priveleges. The movie begins production Feb. 23 in Atlanta, which will substitute for New England. Because if there's one thing that New England is known for, it's their Coca-Cola plant and black people. (THR)
Teaser for HBOs Boardwalk Empire – Watch more Funny VideosFresh off the teaser for HBO's series Treme, here's a tiny glimpse of Boardwalk Empire that's sure to get you addicted to Sunday night TV programming again. The show was adapted for televison by Terence Winter, an Emmy Award winning writer of The Sopranos, and the pilot was directed by none other than Martin Scorsese. The series chronicles the rise of New Jersey city in the 1920s, focusing specifically on Steve Buscemi's character Nucky Thompson, who historically ruled the boardwalk and its borders during the time of prohibition. Boardwalk Empire premieres on HBO this Fall. Be grateful for repeals and these links.25 Hardcore Pets (HolyTaco) World Cup Stab-Proof Vests On Sale Now! (TotalProSports) Hot Chicks in Jerseys (TheChive) Denzel's Venn Diagram (Maxim) CNN is Tardy to the Avatard Party (FilmDrunk) Rediscovering the Wilhelm Scream (Moviefone) Jimmy Fallon is the Winner of the Late Night Wars (Pajiba) Demi Lovato and Selena Gomez are Dating (CelebJihad) Most Memorable Fictional Drugs in Movies and TV (Unreality) Girls in Bikinis Doing Yoga on Your iPhone (Asylum) Pics of Nevaeh Eden and Guitar Hero (RegretfulMorning) How to Survive an Earthquake (MadeMan) Johnny Greaves Record Truck Jump (AllLeftTurns)
"Aaaahhhh!!!! Jay's way better at this sucking up thing than I am!!!!"Elderly Americans may have a reason to celebrate and pound together their leathery, wrinkled, gnarled palms today. TMZ reported this afternoon that the ink is drying on a contract between NBC and Jay Leno for him to take back The Tonight Show. They report that Jay is in and the increasingly-disgruntled Conan O'Brien is out.HOWEVS, The Hollywood Reporter is Hollywood reporting that NBC denies any such contract exists. But what does NBC know and will there be a Tonight Show With Conan O'Brien much longer? Right now, that all depends on which news outlet you trust more; the one that carries an esteemed reputation or the one that posts pictures of dead celebrities. And if Conan is deposed, where will he go? Everyone's saying FOX and they do have an opening since The Magic Johnson Show was canceled, but Nikke Finke reports that Jeff Zucker has plans to "ice" O'Brien with a no-compete clause that would keep him off of any rival network "for 3 1/2 years."Story is developing and I will personally let all the old people in my family know what shakes out. For the meantime, they are to sit in their favorite chair and wear the Snuggie I sent them for Christmas. I'll alert you when it's time to assemble and do the wave.
House and Tron Legacy star Olivia Wilde, like many celebrities, has taken to Twitter to drum up support for the earthquake-ravaged Haiti. Olivia has pledged to send a personalized 'thank you' video to anyone generous enough to donate $200 or more to Artists for Peace and Justice's Haiti campaign. Wilde tweets:"Its worse every minute guys, so we are raising the stakes. Those who give $200 or more will get a personal thank you video… THANK YOU for your donation, OF ANY AMOUNT. they are all crucial. “I swear to you that every dollar is going directly to the Haitians who need it most. THANK YOU.”Other celebrities such as Wyclef Jean, Tiger Woods, Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie, Ben Stiller, Jessica Alba, and Heroes' Jimmy Jean-Louis and Zachary Quinto, have urged fans to donate via Twitter and their own charity programs.See?! That's how you do it, Sarah McLachlan. You don't need to bum us out with suicidal animals to get your point across. Just be frank and to the point and send us videos of Olivia Wilde.You can donate to the Artists for Peace and Justice here. Or you can pledge $10 to the Red Cross by texting "HAITI" to 90999.
Jennifer Beals is best known for moving her feet really quickly in Flashdance to that Michael Sembello song. She's also the only cast member in Showtime's the The L Word who won't get naked for her lesbian love scenes. Boooo! Do it for the art!A word from Jennifer: "Making sure that when my child went to school people were enlightened enough not to torture them, you know?"They're just enlightened enough to scare your kid into telling you they're not torturing him. Kids these days are a whole new breed of monster.Enlighten yourself with more pics after the jump.
The Simpsons just aired their 450th episode to celebrate 20 years of avoiding the network ax, but there’s still plenty more exciting things to come in Springfield. Al Jean, showrunner for 18 of the 20 years of The Simpsons (he only left to run The Critic for two short-lived seasons), told us about some exciting Simpsons events and guest stars coming up.“January 31st we have an episode where one of our fans created a character,” Jean said over drinks at the Fox party during the Television Critics Association winter press tour. “So that character debuts in that episode. Coming up we have Sarah Silverman in an episode. We have Sacha Baron Cohen playing an Israeli tour guide. We just recorded Jon Hamm today [Jan. 11] for an episode that airs in December.”More about the season finale after the jump.
This cast is really shaping up.Earlier this week, Blake Lively was cast as the 22-year old aerospace executive / love interest to Ryan Reynold's Green Lantern. Then Peter Saarsgard was cast as the film's villian. Today comes a report that Jackie Earle Haley will be off-setting the attractiveness of castmembers ratio significantly by signing on as another villian named Sinestro. From HitFix: "Don't expect him to be onscreen for the entire movie. But unless something drastically changes, he is in the film. And I'm hearing that based on the relationship they have with him from "Watchmen" and "A Nightmare On Elm Street," Jackie Earle Haley is the only choice for Sinestro by the studio." Haley is an okay choice for this even though he looks nothing like the character from the books. Both Daniel Day Lewis and Bradley Whitford would fit the mold better. Problem is, Day Lewis would never do it, and Brad Whitford… Brad Whitford just wants it too badly. (HitFix)
Matt Damon has a knack for delivering a convincing death blow to the face, chest, elbow, or balls, and it looks like he's maintained his Bourne skills in the new film Green Zone. In the below featurette, Damon and director Paul Greengrass, BFFs forever, give us some details in to the storyline, and discuss what makes a good thriller thrilling. Clearly it's an abundance of ass-kicking and broken necks, but wouldn't you know it, direction and pacing has a big part to do with it too. Someone get McG on the phone! I need to sit him down and show him something…