"Follow me, Edward. Onto a project far gayer."Oscar-winner Bill Condon (Kinsey, Dreamgirls, Gods and Monsters, Candyman: Farewell to the Flesh) is ready to swell the hearts of weepy teenaged girls everywhere. Just like Cinn-a-bon.Summit has announced that they have tasked him with directing the spell-binding romance and shirtless dudefest that is Twilight: Breaking Dawn. “I’m very excited to get the chance to bring the climax of this saga to life on-screen," said Condon. Which is fine, as long as he doesn't bring it on my Edward Man-Pillow. The Wayans Brothers are said to already be accepting breakdancing werewolf applicants for Twilte: To The Break-a Break-a Dawn. I'm kidding, of course. But how soon until this actually goes into production?
Is a movie based on a soothsaying billiard ball unnecessary? As I see it, yes. Will that prevent Paramount from making an action-adventure film based on Mattell's Magic 8 Ball? Outlook not so good.Paramount Pictures has decided audiences are finally ready to embrace the Zen simplicity that is Magic 8 Ball: The Motion Picture. …Paramount has assigned as producer its former production chief, Brad Weston. The Paramount plan, we hear, is to turn Magic 8 Ball into a sort of live-action National Treasure–style action-adventure movie.Oh, I see. It will be a sort of live-action National Treasure-style action-adventure movie. Well, that makes perfect sense. Jerry Bruckheimer loves 8 balls. (Vulture)
Paramount has picked up the action screenplay Heatseekers for Michael Bay to get his sticky fingers all over, a.k.a. produce, not direct. Bay's company Platinum Dunes signed a first-look deal with Paramount last October to make lower-budget genre pictures, and Heatseekers written by newbie Georgie Mahaffey is the first project to get the Bay mushroom cloud seal of approval.In the mold of "Fast & Furious" and "Point Break," "Heatseekers" follows a young ex-military pilot who infiltrates a gang of aerial "pirates" working out of Bangkok and takes part in an elaborate tower heist using powered gliders and parachutes.Are people just making up professions now? Bank-robber-surfer makes sense, but an aerial pirate? That's something a Kevin James character writes down on a job application to impress a sexy CEO. Then the next thing you know he's ziplining off a building in Bangkok where his ineptitude leads to his success. Too bad an Asian street gang led by Bay has already had their way with James's dream girl while he was up in the air jackin' around. The title HEATSEEKERS! flies at the screen. Roll credits. (THR)
You might recognize Kari Byron as the female on "Mythbusters." She's got red hair and often wears it in pig tails. If you're a nerd, you just made a stain. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to change my pants.A word from Kari: "High explosives and electricity! Woo!"I remembered that from the show's credits.More hot gingerness after the jump.
It boggles my mind that anyone would willing choose to watch a porn parody of "Curb Your Enthusiam." There isn't one character on that show that I would enjoy seeing naked. Alright maybe Cheryl, but I certainly haven't been itching to see her tossed into and tossed in a hardcore storyline. And then there's Larry David. I like to pretend that man's clothes never come off. In my mind, he's a never-nude.
NBC's Thursday night comedy line-up may have a Steve Carell-shaped hole in its wall soon. His contract for "The Office" runs through the end of next season (the show's seventh) and he's talking about leaving to focus on his busy movie career. Of course, NBC will likely offer him anything his heart desires to get him to stay. Then again, they're not the best when it comes to making smart decisions.Honestly, I'm torn. I can't imagine "The Office" without his dickish character, but this is the only way we'll get to see the sequels the streets have been hungry for, like Evan Almightier, Get Smarter, and Dan Even More in Real Life. (Vulture)
When thinking about the upcoming summer movie season, it’s hard to picture anything but Robert Downey Jr., Buzz & Woody, and Jake G. as a Persian with a British accent. And while we all enjoy a tasty summer club-banger (blockbuster) or two, the season always provides for a few smaller, limited-release “gems.” Many of these flicks are picked-up off the festival-circuit tours and sometimes go on to make a big cult-splash (The Wackness, Napolean Dynamite, Garden State), or even an awards-season run (The Hurt Locker, Little Miss Sunshine, Hustle & Flow). The following are ten under-the-radar flicks that may get some extra attention/theater releases by the summer’s end: The Trotsky
Sharon Osbourne is saying things. While promoting "Celebrity Apprentice," the reality show fixture revealed that a biopic about her slurry, hard-partying husband will soon go into production. The film, tentatively titled HurblemunbletopSHARON!!!!!!!, has a producer and lots of money according to Sharon.No cast or director have been announced yet but the production is said to be going with an unknown for the lead role. This could be the big break I've been waiting for. But here it is nearly 8:30 a.m. and I'm still sober. Time to go method. **pours tequila into bowl of Smart Start; snorts a line of kitty litter** YAHTZEE!!!! (Digital Spy)
Supposedly this is a parody of "The Hills" with kids taking over the roles of the people? actors? morons? on the show. I gotta tell ya though, I just don't see it. Maybe it's like one of those Magic Eye posters where my brain can't discern, but this video seriously just looks like a regular episode of "The Hills" to me. Wait, let me stand a little farther back… Nope, everyone still acts retarded. (Babelgum)Oh my God, these links are totally links. 'Prince of Persia' Trailer Gets Lego-ized (Moviefone)History's Most Awesome Time Capsules (Asylum)Doc Says Bret Michaels May Not Recover (PopEater)25 Sexy Peta Girls (HolyTaco)James Bond Fans Shaken, Stirred (FilmDrunk)Best Fictional Bands in Movies (Unreality)24 Hot Girls Working Out (TotalProSports)11 Worst Places to Be Hung Over (Maxim)Harold Howard is Batsh*t Crazy (CagePotato)Beyone Fell Out of Her Top (CelebJihad)25 White People with Cornrows (Smosh)7 Most Vile Romantic Comedy Creatures (Pajiba)Wiki-Wiki Wikipedia (Atom)Adriana Lima Photo Shoot (MadeMan)Dennis Setzer Talladega Crash (AllLeftTurns)9 Childhood Characters You Crushed On (RegretfulMorning)
Apparently only Josh Brolin matters on the new poster for Jonah Hex. Sure, Megan Fox is wearing a corsett, and the target audience is more likely to care about her heaving bosom than Brolin's mangled face, but she doesn't even get a tiny credit above the hackneyed tag. Sweet gatling gun, Jonah. Ever tried to fire one with one hand? The kickback alone would rip your G.D. arm off. Then you'd be an amputee with bad skin. There's a name for people like you: Sally Punkin. We drove her to tears in middle school. Well not me, but people I knew… (Yahoo)
Parkour, the hottest trend of the month that Casino Royale came out, is finally getting its own movie. After having been in development for three years, New Line has hired Matt Johnson to write a script about a pair of master bank robbers who excel at their take because of parkour. Because of all the rooftop banks, you see. Channing Tatum was once attached to the project but has since jumped ship.
Spirits aren't likely to reach out. While promoting A Nightmare on Elm Street, Brad Fuller has been talking up some of his other half-cooked films. For instance, what's the deal with Ouija?"‘Ouija’ isn’t really a horror movie per se, it’s definitely more of a big action-adventure movie along the lines of…I gotta be careful what I compare it to [cough-JUMANJI-cough, cough]. But you know, it’s like a big action-adventure movie. And that script…I’ve read a couple pages of it, it seems good." I have an irrational fear of Ouija boards and ghosts ever since I watched Witchboard in the late 80's. (Note: it was before the Internet existed and my best chance at seeing Tawny Kitaen nude (Note: Tawny Kitaen was once worth seeing nude.).)"There are definitely horror elements, because it’s about Ouija and what happens from an Ouija board, but it’s a much bigger film. I would call it an action-adventure with horror elements."An action-adventure with horror elements. Sounds a lot like driving through Detroit. **clumsy rimshot results in finger jammy** (BloodyDisgusting)
Rooney Mara is the little sister of uber-hottie Kate Mara. Even I'd feel self-conscious living in Kate's shadow, and I'm an adonis. Rooney starred alongside Michael Cera in Youth in Revolt, and can be seen as Nancy in the Nightmare On Elm Street remake/reboot/reimagining coming out this Friday.A word from Rooney: "For Halloween, my mom asked me what I wanted to be. I said Klara, the crippled girl in the movie Heidi."You clever, fox. Dress up like a cripple, everyone will assume you're disabled, and you'll reap the candy benefits. Check out more pics of the very able-bodied Rooney after the jump.
We don't have to live in fear anymore, you guys. Fox has ordere– OH, HOLY F*CKSTICKS!!! WHAT THE POOP ARE THOSE IN THE PICTURE ABOVE????!!!!! From Variety:"Panic Attack" will be hosted by U.K.-based married psychotherapists and motivational coaches Nik and Eva Speakman."Panic" centers on a group of five participants who suffer from the same phobias. A team of therapists will help them face those fears.Through a series of challenges, the quintet will learn new ways to deal with those paralyzing fears — leading to one final, dramatic challenge. Friends and family will be brought in to watch their loved ones tackle that final test.So let me get this straight. Five people will have to live in a nightmare house haunted by life coaches with the fashion sense of a failed figure-skating duo. Talk about exposure treatment.First step is to identify your fear. Please look at the picture below and let me know what scares you the most.Next step is killing your fear with fire.
Olivia Munn is sick and tired of the way Ringling Brothers is abusing their circus elephants, so she decided to take all of her clothes off in support. What does one have to do with the other? Something about nature. But who cares, Olivia is naked on a billboard at the intersection of Highland and Wilshire in Los Angeles. That's like fifteen minutes from my office. If I gaze through my Bird Watching Enthusiast brand binoculars I can see a crowd of pantless men circling her visage and chanting at this very moment. Preach Olivia Munn :These beautiful animals are meant to roam free in nature and live wonderful, long lives. But instead, they’re chained up, electro-shocked and beat by employees of Ringling Bros all in the hopes that we, the public, will pay to see these giant majestic creatures standing on a stupid little ball.I'm totally against animal cruelty, but if Olivia really wanted my full attention she would have shown more cleavage. Seriously, her recent Maxim shoot was more revealing. So until I see pics of Olivia prancing daintily through the African outback in nothing but her birthday suit I'm going to reserve my judgement.Hehe! Look at him balance on that ball!
Steven Seagal has built a career laying his hands on other people. Recently this has brought controversy his way. What the man needs now is a comeback. Here are six projects that could easily put him back on top. Law and Order: SVU (Seagal Victims Unit)
Just the other day on Things I Never Say Day, I was saying how badly we need a sequel to The Ring. Preferably one that is 3D and focuses on a more teen-centric angle. Well, save up your shillings for an inflated ticket price because it looks like Paramount is intending to do just that. Dream House writer David Loucka on script duties. No details yet about how the girl in the old VHS will return but one scenario has teens finding a VCR that still works. Really?Okay. Honestly, you kids today with your Jason Beavers and sexting parties. VCR's aren't that old or difficult to find. Either this film takes place in 2025 or Afghanistan. (THR)
The two actors, not exactly known for their straight-edge lifestyle, watch over Dermot Mulroney like a couple of hypocritical angels condemned to the boonies. Memorable quote: "When I was in high school, if you couldn't chug-a-lug a pint of booze you were nothing." So true, Burt Reynolds. That one night with a 6-pack of Hard Lemonade earned me a ton of street cred.You too much of a pussy to click on these links?20 Sexy Mermaids (Manofest)5 Useful New Photoshop Filters (CollegeHumor)$20 Million Movie Stars are a Dying Breed (Moviefone) Erotic Masseuse Shares Her Happy Ending Technique (Asylum)Tito Ortiz Allegedly Abused Jenna Jameson (PopEater)25 Cats Vs. Invisibility (HolyTaco)Shocker: Russell Crowe Is Difficult to Work With (FilmDrunk)5 Worst De Niro Movies (Unreality)Sexy Snake Handlers (Maxim)UFC Will Release Ortiz If Charges Hold Up (CagePotato)Justin Bieber Shows Her Breasts (CelebJihad)12 Crazy Detention Slips (Smosh)Rick Astley and the Human Centipede (Pajiba)Iron Man 3 Audition (Atom)How to Get Better Sleep (MadeMan)Another Wild Weekend in Talladega (AllLeftTurns)
Think you can pull the wool over MY eyes, Pixar?! I knew this video for a supposed Lots-o'-Huggin' Bear was a Toy Story 3 ploy the second I hit play. Sure, it looks authentic, but if this bear really existed I would have owned the crap out of it back in 1983. It doesn't even matter that a bear with the word "hug" in its name doesn't even give hugs but instead just receives them (like a normal stuffed animal?), or that the grindhouse-esque commercial cuts off right before the bear slaughters the little girl in her sleep and then goes for the rest of the family. I simply had to have everything I saw advertised, or mother got the hose again. Check out the surprisingly well-done video after the jump. It must have taken the Pixar geniuses months to render the fuzzy tracking at the bottom of the frame.
"Doggarnit. People like me."It appears that Nicolas Cage's crappy sequel plate is full. It looks like the cash-strapped actor may be forced to choose between roles. From Vulture:Insiders confirm to Vulture that Columbia is facing a ticking clock on the rights to the BBQ-skulled Marvel Comics character: Legally, if the studio isn't in production on a sequel by November 14, 2010, the franchise automatically reverts to Marvel — which means the comic company's new owner, Disney. Insiders tell us that Columbia is asking Marvel for an extension. (Asking, pleading, it's a fine line.) But time is running out. Cage has spoken about his desire to make a second Ghost Rider; the issue is whether his schedule will be free before the deadline. Disney is also hoping to get him for a third National Treasure with Jerry Bruckheimer, which could be shooting as early as this fall and would presumably earn the star a hefty paycheck. And considering Cage's well-documented money troubles, that cash may trump his deep love of comic books.A Ghost Rider without Nicolas Cage wouldn't feel like a Ghost Rider film at all. That would be like The Punisher without Thomas Jane, or The Hulk without Eric Bana, or Iron Man without Terrence Howard. I can't even imagine a world where such travesties would be allowed.
In case you can't wait for the Jonah Hex trailer dropping later this week, SyFy has 11 seconds of footage for your impatient ass. The movie has had so many different writers, directors, reshoots, and delays I can only imagine that the final product will be somewhere between tolerable and intolerable. Wait what, it features Megan Fox in a corset and gattling guns strapped to an aggravated stallion? Take my money, box office cashier! (Movieline)Check out the footage after the jump…
Cheryl Burke is a two-time Emmy nominated professional dancer. As a professional dancer partner, she won the competition in the second and third seasons of "Dancing with the Stars" with celebrity dance partners Drew Lachey (February 2006) and Emmitt Smith (November 2006). She is of Filipino, Russian, and Irish descent, which makes for one bomb cocktail. A word from Cheryl: "My greatest achievements in dancing are still to come."Come on, Cheryl. You taught Drew Lachey how to cut a rug. God has nothing left in store for you. Dancing does a body good after the jump.
"Seriously, any spare change you have. Just trying to get a bite to eat."Warner Bros. and DC Comics are developing a traveling show for the kids tentatively titled, "Batman Live." Alan Burnett, who is a veteran of "Batman: The Animated Series," will write the script which will include numerous villians, though no plot specifics have been unveiled beyond the usual "millionaire beats up the mentally-ill" framework. It's said the show may premiere in 2011 or wait to capitalize on the buzz of Christopher Nolan's third Batman film in 2012.Personally, I'm happy to see Batman "pulling a Conan" and taking his show on the road. I never approved of the way Six Flags Great Adventure replaced him with the Penguin to host The Batman Stunt Show. I'm with Batman. (THR)
Last night thousands of Coco fans gathered at the Gibson Amphitheater in Universal City, CA to witness the red-headed former "Tonight Show" host do whatever he wanted for a couple…
Last summer's The Final Destination was intended to be the last film in the franchise until someone realized they forgot to include laser-eye surgery. And thus, The Final Destination 5 in 3D will breeze into theaters next year, knock over some paint thinner and cause a huge fire in the process.Eric Heisserer (Elm Street remake, The Thing prequel) has been hired to write the script. Plot specifics are not known at this time but it is said that New Line is looking to break out of the repetition of the previous entries. I'll keep you posted when the entirely new, totally retarded plot contrivances are announced. (THR)
Break open a celebratory tin of cat food! A source at Weta has told MarketSaw that a sequel to District 9 is in pre-production and will go before cameras this October. Peter Jackson will once again produce with Neill Blomkamp back in the director's chair. There's no word yet about the plot or the title of the sequel. Though my well-placed sources (who wish to remain anonymous) tell me they may involve an Electric Boogaloo.
Look, I'm in a box. The fourth and final trailer for M. Night Shyamalan's The Last Airbender has rained down all over our faces and minds and Hush Puppies. It's quite a bit more impressive than previous trailers and that mostly has to do with the addition of dragons. Like every other movie being released in the near future, The Last Airbender is being converted to 3D so that you can enjoy all the earth, wind, and fire right up in your face. I hope they play "September" by those guys on the soundtrack. That song is always fun to stumble around to when you're drunk at a wedding. Check out the trailer after the jump. The Last Airbender blows into theaters July 2.
If Venkman's artistic expressions weren't suppressed. Here are your weekend links.Tasty Black Widow 'Iron Man 2' Clip (Moviefone) Porn Stars Get Asked Where Babies Come From (Asylum)Bret Michaels in Critical Condition (PopEater)25 Drunk Babies (HolyTaco)Vaness Hudgens as Spider-Girl? (FilmDrunk)Drew Brees Is The Madden 2010 Cover Boy (TotalProSports)The Evolution of Raquel Welch (Unreality)A Fantastic Gallery of Booty (Maxim)Dana White's Latest WEC (CagePotato)Vanessa Hudgens Takes Candid Pics (CelebJihad)35 Things Hulk Fans Need (Smosh)The Pussification of Children's Movies (Pajiba)A Restaurant with Dancing?! (Atom)Aaron's 499 Odds (AllLeftTurns)
A few weeks ago we reported to you that Jacques d'Azur, the King of Cannes, went missing. Mr. d'Azur is now presumed dead, or lost forever on an island inhabited entirely by beautiful women, and the search is on to find his heir. This lucky person will fill in for Jacques at the 2010 Cannes Film Festival — an exclusive VIP trip of a lifetime worth of $10,000. You'll get the very same treatment that Jacques would have. That includes the premieres, the parties, the limos, the helicopter pads, and hobnobbing with A-List celebrities. This swanky trip is sponsored by Stella Artois 4%, so head on over to their site for complete details and to enter. You could be on a jet to the French Riviera before you know it. It's good to be the king. HURRY! CONTEST ENDS SUNDAY!
Paramount has won the rights to Sacha Baron Cohen's next comedy film after sending goats to the actor and his reps. That's right. Goats. They also gave him $20 million against 20% of the first-dollar gross. Which means he could stand to earn.. umm…. uh…. carry the one…consult with Clippy…. uh…. a lot of money. So that helped to seal the deal too.The film will star Cohen in a dual role, playing two characters we've yet to see. One is a goat herder and the other a deposed dictator who gets stuck in America. But back to the goats. Deadline reports, "visitors to WME were greeted by a goat wandering across the 3rd floor atrium — that is, until Ari Emanuel had the goat removed after it took a dump in the hallway."No fair. Brett Ratner dumps in that hallway all the time and he's still allowed to make deals.