Hollywood has always made itself feel better by producing films with an environmental message. But generally, behind the wafer-thin veil of humanitarian morality play is a big-budget special effects and explosions. Or sometimes it’s just Kevin Costner. Still, many of Hollywood’s “cautionary” Natural Disaster Movies have given us some great dialogue and exchanges that will stand the test of time, and keep teaching our children’s children’s children important lessons until the ozone layer depletes and they are incinerated like ants under a massive magnifying glass. *cockroaches rejoice in a long-awaited victory* Here are some of those great pieces of Natural Disaster film dialogue, and what we can learn from them:
Check out this heartfelt promo that ran on Fox featuring Mary Lynn Rajskub from 24 reminding us all that going green is a group effort. GO GREEN WITH GIRL FROM 24 – Watch more Funny VideosI hope that Mary's 24 residuals are enough to cover her food, water and utilities in the cave she'll be hiding in for the next ten years so that angry Greenpeace types don't find her and strap her to a Killer Whale. Yes, that is precisely how Greenpeace exacts their revenge upon public figures like Mary, who've obviously been contractually forced to participate in these sorts of misfires, well meaning as they may be. That's why Greenpeace's slogan is "No mercy."
According to Production Weekly, Marcus Nispel, director of both the Texas Chainsaw Massacre and Friday the 13th remakes, is attached to direct Pacemaker, written by Lars Jacobsen. Jacobsen's only other credits are as writer/director/producer of Baby Blues, a psychological thriller about post-mortem depression, and as writer of C.O.D., in development at Dreamworks. Pacemaker is described as "Crank meets Taken," which unfortunately results in the portmanteau Tank. Also, with a name like Pacemaker, it conjures up a "Crank meets Cocoon" pitch line. What? You'd see that? And you'd like to see the promotional one-sheet? Right now? In the room? So glad you asked…
This Friday, April 24th, you can catch Terrence Howard and Channing Tatum hustling and busting heads (respectively – Howard's a lover, not a fighter) in the aptly named Fighting, directed by Dito Montiel, who helmed the underrated A Guide to Recognizing Your Saints. Check out the trailer. Fighting Trailer – Watch more Movie TrailersAlso, if you head to Break.com and Cage Potato's fancy Fighting page, you can watch some bloody, badass underground MMA videos and WIN A CHANCE TO ATTEND U.F.C. 98! I, like Howard, am a lover and not a fighter, so I will only be watching on the TV, so as to avert my eyes from the violence in private. I am also like Howard in that I will not be playing War Machine in Iron Man 2.
Everyone has been up in arms over the fact that the sequel to wanted is going to be written by an unknown who’s only real credit is “Pooh’s Heffalump movie.” Which everyone agrees is the Wanted of animated films. Today, the film’s producer (and Wanted creator) Mark Millar defended the choice:“This guy is supposed to be really good. He did a GREAT action script recently (on an unproduced movie) and that’s what got him this gig.”I love that the producer said the writer was “supposed to be really good.” I was really hoping his next line was going to be “I mean, I haven’t read anything he’s written but someone told me he was good, and that was enough for me. Now, if you’ll excuse me, Now if you'll excuse me, I have to come up with a lie as to why I can't attend my child's parent teacher conference." I feel like people should cut this writer some slack. It’s not like he’s writing the sequel to Shawshank redemption. It’s Wanted. Bullets fly around. There are hot chicks, and people die. You can pretty much rearrange those phrases in each scene, add voice over, and you’ve got a sequel. Let’s see what he comes up with.
When you hear the title Midgets vs. Mascots, you probably have an image in your sick little head of Midgets fighting Mascots. Turns out you'd be right in this case. The film, Midgets vs. Mascots premiers this weekend at the Tribeca Film Festival. My how their artistic standards have dropped. Why, I remember but a few years ago my Colonoscopy musical was rejected after the second round:Midgets vs. Mascots Trailer – Watch more Funny VideosMidgets vs. Mascots is a shockumentary featuring a wide variety of celebs including Ron Jeremy and Gary Coleman. Both Midgets and Mascots must fight each other in a wide variety of extreme contests to win a million dollar prize. It Screens all weekend at Tribeca and if you want info on how to see it live, Click Here
There's only a week and a half 'til X-Men Origins: Wolverine drops, and Fox is making its last ditch efforts for a big opening weekend. Here's the newest promo with some direct-addresses from Emma Frost, Blob, Stryker, Gambit, Wolverine and a few others. Wolverine TV Promo – Watch more Funny Videos It's like Marvel's version of a Nike Women's soccer commercial. Like Mutants are the equivalent of Mia Hamm, who was told as a girl that sports are for men, but whose will eventually triumphed. Or maybe it's a Visa anti-identity theft spot from back in the late '90s. See what I mean with an unofficial 'junkie-tized Wolvie promo after the jump:
By Mike HammerIn showbiz everybody wants to finish with a big bang. In these movies … unfortunate bad guys hit the end of the road…hard. In fact, these finishing touches come garnished with meltdowns, eviscerations, suffocations and occasionally a delightful animal flesh feast. The following are the best of the big screens, not-so-happy…but always ball-clenching endings. We hope you can make it through to the finish. Death Toll The Godfather, 1972
In showbiz everybody wants to finish with a big bang. In these movies … unfortunate bad guys hit the end of the road…hard. In fact, these finishing touches come garnished with meltdowns, eviscerations, suffocations and occasionally a delightful animal flesh feast. The following are the best of the big screens, not-so-happy…but always ball-clenching endings. We hope you can make it through to the finish. Death Toll The Godfather, 1972Sonny (James Caan) gets spectacularly snuffed when he leaves the Corleone compound and hits the highway to go into Manhattan and kick the crap out of brother-in-law Carlo for beating up his sister, Connie. Sadly, the toll booth traffic proves a lot tougher than usual when hot-headed Sonny gets sandwiched between two sedans whose wheelmen hop out with machine guns and unload enough lead into his La Bonza to rebuild Baghdad and leave him look like puddle of bloody Bolognese sauce on the side of the road.
The new issue of Empire covers Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland, with new pics and an interview with Burton, too. Above is a still of Alice about to head down the rabbit hole. It makes you wonder what she's going to see on the other side. We've speculated and our team of indentured artists have rendered some possible outcomes. Here's one: More possibilities after the jump.
According to /Film, even though there’s no third book in the Da Vinci Code series, they’re moving ahead with a third movie. Ron Howard’s big screen adaptation of the Da Vinci Code prequel Angel’s & Demons won’t hit theaters until May 15th, but Columbia Pictures is already moving forward with a third film in the series. Not much information is known about the story, although it has been widely speculated to be about Freemasons in Washington, D.C. Brown, who is clearly obsessed with the Freemasons, has been spotted over the years in Washington, researching Masonic temples. Wow, look at the power Dan Brown has. He doesn’t even have to write the book, and they make it into a movie. That’d be like if I just whipped my wiener out and my girlfriend had an orgasm. Which I can assure you, does NOT happen. Mostly because I don’t whip my penis out, I undress like a gentleman. It’s way too early to say obviously whether or not this movie will be shitty or decent, but I’m guessing if all it has is a title, and no script or source material, it’s going to be awesome! If I were Dan Brown, I would see how ridiculous a book title I could come up with, and see if Columbia Pictures would still buy it. I’d march into their office with something like this:
Someone here at Screenjunkies got kind of jacked up over seeing Crank: High Voltage this past weekend. So much so, that they took it upon themselves to replace our intern’s…
This morning, JoBlo.com released several screen grabs from Jessica Biel's film, Powder Blue, in which she plays a stripper. Click on the image above for the NSFW version. If you haven't already skipped over this text in a feverish attempt to see all the pictures, then a) thank you for your patience and b) you can watch this clip to give you more context into Jessica's dogged preparation for the film. More pics after the jump.
Mitchell Hurwitz, the genius behind Arrested Development, is back with a new animated show this Sunday on FOX. Former 'Developers' Jason Bateman, Will Arnett, and Henry Winkler lend their voice talents along with Cheri Oteri, Keenan Thompson, Will Forte, Nick Kroll and Kristen Chenoweth. Catch the pilot right after The Simpsons, and cross your fingers for more brilliance from Hurwitz and co. Also, Prison Break is back on after a near 4 month hiatus, with the first of it's last 5 episodes. Your preview after the break.
Today, the official "Trailer 4a" for Harry Potter & The Half-Blood Prince was released, and, dare I say, it looks pretty good and dark. Then again, the Potter trailers always seem to make me all sweaty and excited, only for me to walk out of the theater feeling mildly clammy in the underarms. And I perspire a lot. But I'll give this one a fair shake, and the 3-D in the last one kicked all sorts of ass, so why not? Watch the trailer after the jump.
Ricky Gervais & Stephen Merchant have cast their leading lady for their next film, the '70s-era insurance company dramedy Cemetery Junction (formerly known as The Men at The Pru). Brit starlet Felicity Jones has been awarded the role. She's mosty done work in the UK, including the BBC's "The Diary of Ann Frank," in which she played Margot Frank, an episode of "Dr Who," and the very British sounding Northanger Abbey TV movie. If your girlfriend catches you ogling pictures of Felicity, just inform her that she'll be playing Miranda in Julie Taymor's adaptation of The Tempest. Then, when she naturally asks, "Oh, can we see that?" You can coolly answer, "It's probably not a good idea if you don't like me looking at Felicity. Miranda is a significant role in the Bard's classic." You're welcome.Check out the photos of Felicity after the jump:
Lionsgate Films has just released the poster for More Than A Game, the documentary that follows NBA star LeBron James and four of his talented teammates through the trials and tribulations of high school basketball in Ohio and James’ journey to fame. Boom Shik-a-Click on the image below to 'Bron 'Bron size it, Baby!After the jump is a new production still, as well as the extended synopsis and info on the film. More Than A Game opens in theaters October 2nd, 2009.
Tomorrow night, Cartoon Network and Adult Swim are debuting "G.I. JOE: RESOLUTE," a hard boiled reenvisioning of the G.I. JOE we know and love (unless you're a He-Man guy like me). The micro-series is directed by Joaquim dos Santos (Justice League Unlimited, Avatar: The Last Airbender), and is written by Warren Ellis, of the Transmetropolitan, Planetary and Global Frequency comic book series (amongst a ton of others). According to Ellis, via his website, "It’s an hour long, broken into ten 5-minute episodes and one 10-minute final episode." The first episode will air Friday 4/17 during Adult Swim, with new episodes running every weekday and the finale airing on April 25th. You can check out the promo for it after the jump, along with every G.I. Joe-themed Robot Chicken sketch ever made.
TV's famous peacock owns the Thursday night airwaves. The ultra-reliable duo of The Office and 30 Rock is complimented well by two promising new shows. One has Michael Scott in female form (Amy Poehler) and I Love You, Man babe Rashida Jones, while the other has O.C.'s 'Ryan' trying his hand as a rookie cop in LA. So pull up a chair, prop those feet up, and let the NBC peacock blow your mind for 3 straight hours. Your preview after the break.
With the much anticipated BRÜNO coming out this summer (July 10th to be exact – MARK IT!!!) we thought we'd tease you with a few more photos from some of BRÜNO's personal, private collection. Ogle the rest after the jump.
Tomorrow, Crank: High Voltage opens in theaters, and Jason Statham's Chev Chelios will reunite with Eve, played by Amy Smart. No word on whether or not she'll reprise her gratuitously open-air sex scene from the first film, but the pasties above are more amenable to our tastes than the image of Statham grinding on Amy like a pirate on shore leave.Where else you can Get Smart: Amy had a bit part in Starship Troopers, did a short stint on 'Scrubs,' played opposite Ashton Kutcher in The Butterfly Effect, played Holly, one of the love interests in the Starsky & Hutch remake, and more recently can be seen screaming in Mirrors. She also has repeatedly voiced Strawberry Shortcake on 'Robot Chicken.' Pointless Quote: "As a kid, I loved being surrounded by mountains, creeks and animals. Check out the photos of Amy as nature intended after the jump.
For many movie lovers out there, Michael Bay is like the Santa Claus of summer. We wait 12 months and then BOOM, Bay arrives with a sack full of goodies, heading back to his factory where the ILM elves toil to make the following year's gifts even more bombastic than the last. We at Screenjunkies have a very special "in" with Mr. Bay, as we help manage his Twitter account. So, naturally, people contact us all the time to reach him via email, letters, bouquets of explosives, etc. What follows are letters written to Michael Bay from some very special children, and we felt that they should be shared.Click on each image to enlarge. Sam Huntington – Age 9 – Orlando, Florida Steven Blomquist – Age 8 – Aurora, Illinois
The trailer for Steven Soderbergh's The Girlfriend Experience starring adult film actress Sasha Grey has just debuted on Hulu. The trailer has no dialogue – just a drum track and some title cards. But it tells you everything you need to know about the film, which looks like a lo-fi, down n' dirty little gem (is that an oxymoron? I don't care) from the man who brought us Sex, Lies & Videotape. Check it out after the jump.
On April 21st, Robert Rodriguez & Frank Miller's original Sin City is getting a double helping of Blu-Ray, with the release of a special edition 2-Disc set that includes 2 cuts of the film plus eight hours of bonus with two new interactive bonus features developed exclusively for Blu-ray. No matter what you thought of the movie, it's got the sort of visuals that Blu-Ray was made for. And for a small taste of what makes Sin City so Blu-riffic, check out a Break Media exclusive remix of Jessica Alba's notorious stripping scene… after the jump.
Bill Lawrence, writer/creator of Scrubs, guests on his own show tonight as a goofy pastor who marries the Janitor and Lady at a ceremony down in the Carribbean. The trials and tribuluations on Ben continue on Lost, everyone's favorite character on South Park goes to great extents to make sure his son wins the Pinewood Derby. Your preview after the break.
The trailer for Kathryn Bigelow's The Hurt Locker has hit the 'nets like a ton of bricks through a windhshield. It's portrait of the elite members of the Explosive Ordnance Disposal (EOD) squad, soldiers who volunteer to disarm deadly bombs for the U.S. military. The film stars Jeremy Renner (above), whom you might remember as the badass villain from S.W.A.T., and the heroic Doyle from 28 Weeks Later. He can also be seen in the upcoming The Losers. This guy can't get enough of military and police work. How about Renner for Captain America? Check out the trailer for The Hurt Locker after the jump.
Some new footage from Tarantino's WW2 gore fest Inglourious Basterds played on Fox's American Idol last night. This is that clip, plus some other goodies, including a behind-the-scenes shot of QT rallying his troops, and a glimpse of Mike Myers (pictured above) as a much different servant of her Majesty, the Queen – a character named "General Ed Fenech." Keep your eyes peeled for the Basterd'ized clip after the jump.
The 80s were a lot of things. Not the least of which, it was a time of gross over-advertising. Any slight movie hit in the 1980s would warrant the plastering of its image on a cardboard box filled with unoriginal cereals. There was Ghostbusters cereal – nothing more than Lucky Charms, C-3PO's – frosted Cheerios, and E.T. – some sort of peanut buttery Cap'n Crunch.Here are a few cereals that never hit the market, but should have.CONAN, THE CEREALI think this one was a no-brainer. Arnold was an up-and-coming star, and if the original movie was good enough to have a bad sequel, surely the movie deserves a cereal (which is like a sequel, but with more fiber). I would go so far as to say, if this cereal was produced, Mark L. Lester would have published “Commando 2: The Best Sequel Ever” here on ScreenJunkies.
The above image of Andy Samberg engaging in intercourse with a magical fish from the Lonely Island's "Like A Boss" music video has been sanitized for your protection. You'll have to click "More" to see the uncensored video in its entirety. It is raw. It is real. It is uncompromising. It also has poop, vomit and fellatio humor set to music. Recoil in shock while grooving to this decidedly most NSFW video after the jump. And if you like it, go buy The Lonely Island's "Incredibad" at your local record store, or friendly neighborhood digital music file purveyor. Like a baaaaws!!!
Those wily, japing comicksters over at Holy Taco have posted a series of Mad Libs inspired by famous directors like M. Night Shyamalan, Quentin Tarantino and Michael Bay (not the real one, mind you). Here's one example:Check out the rest by visiting HT. Or just ______ your ______ in a ______.