News - Page 288

People, we live in strange times.  Florida is leaning toward voting a black man into the oval office. The economy finally said “Oh, I got you GOOD BITCHES! Earnings? Whatever!”  And it looks like Paramount is fast tracking the new Footloose. I pray every night that they name it Footlooser. And every morning, we put the news together for you. 

His name alone drops panties from the pools of Palm Springs to the board rooms of Madison Avenue. He is Don Draper, and reasons for his success can be found in the above video. They are simple. And these are his preferred links.

We’re trying to at least keep it sort of Halloween up in this bitch. And what better way than this selection for our weekly mashup. Not only is it thematically relevant, its technically superb and goddamn funny. Mwwwwwaaaaa haaaa haaaaa haaaaaa etc.

I never saw Cloverfield because I heard that people were totally vomiting in the theatre. And whenever I smell vomit, it makes me want to vomit.  Now having seen this South Park clip, I feel like I’ve seen the movie. Awesome.

Monday Morning. A time for reflection. A time too look back over the weekend and wonder if you made all the right moves, if you did your best keg stand and provided reliable wingman services for your bros. A time for the morning links.

Ben over at CAGEPOTATO.COM has some coverage of last night's UFC fight. I love the way that Bruce Buffer has to rattle off all of the advertiser blurbs before this main event.

I was thinking about how it’s going to be lame that I have to spend all my weekend moving. Then I saw this new trailer for Notorious and I was reminded how lucky I am not to be a fat dead rapper who doesn’t even get to move into a new apartment because they are dead. Time to start drinking. Here are your links.

This is a post from Holy Taco. Click on the image for the full version. So genius.

Will Ferrell’s impersonation of bush is not the best, but it is the most hilarious.  The writing is great on this one, seriously. I've been really impressed this season. Now I'm going to go have three Xanex and a Silver Bullet. God Bless America.

Last night I had one too many Jamesons. I turned on the TV and watched about five minutes of the Chris Rock special on HBO on demand. Then I started packing up the apartment because my girlfriend and I are moving. Are you thrilled? Here’s the morning news, Junkie.

I always figured that the reason tiny animals make you feel good is that if they made you feel bad, there would be a much greater chance of you eating them, and much lesser chance of species actually surviving. Here’s the links.

I put this in our link dump yesterday. But it makes me laugh so hard that I decided that it merits a spot on the homepage. Manhole. 69. Straight face. God bless local news, and the stuff they just don’t catch.

Stupid Chad Carter with his stupid Leukemia, bankrupting the Make A Wish Foundation with his usage of bureaucratic loopholes.  Makes me SO mad. PS, I know I posted an Onion video yesterday. But hells bells they’re on top of their game.

Good morning. How'd you sleep? The entire staff of Screenjunkies stayed up last night and broke into a zoo. We have brand new mascots for the site. Here's the morning news roundup while we figure out what to feed a sloth. 

It's not totally clear what the hell he's talking about in this clip, but one this is for sure. Bill Cosby is almost 400 years younger then John McCain. Put that on your shuffleboard court and shove it.

I feel like even acknowledging Palin’s existence only serves to feed the publicity machine that has rocketed her to being the most popular woman on earth. But I also feel like it’s that same publicity machine that is just about to grind her into a fine mash of Alaskan Moose Pemmican.

The Onion continues to just destroy the world with funniness.  They are our truest national hero. God bless them.

Some day in the not too distant future we will live in a world where our most important historical figures will be the cast of movies like Ghostbusters and Back To The Future. You will be able to visit the highway rest stop in your car (your Jet Car) on the Mass Pike (the Mass Jet Pike) where Dan Aykroyd dropped a duce. That day is drawing nearer as the house featured in Groundhogs Day is now a functioning locale of movie history.

Lots of things happen. Things are always happening. They happen all over the world, to people, to animals, to plants even. Here are some things that happened in movies and tv that I didn't write about today.

This one is pure brilliance from the Aussie comedy Duo Merrick and Rosso.  I’m a sucker for 1) candid camera shows, 2) low budget interpretations of big budget things 3) boobies. This video really only has the first two. But damn is it funny.  The best part is that every time they switch from being a washing machine or a fridge to being a human, they yell TRANSFORM! Awesome.

The hardest thing about filmmaking is accurately communicating the strange things in your head that seem important. This is the reason that Spike Jonez is basically my hero.  He comes up with abstract, high-concept ideas and manages to turn them into amazing finished products. Here's some videos of a few of his previous works.

Yes, the first minute or so of the Sarah Palin inspired Hustler Porn: Nailin' Paylin are now online. Hordes of GOP supporters and Joe Six-packs will watch just for the story line.

The crazy thing is that in Pimp Years, Rudy Ray Moore was actually 473 years old. I won’t break down the math, but just understand that all the beating women with coat hangers, trying to get your money, running the finest stable of hos this side of the Mississippi, and just gangsta-leaning that hard can age a brother. He died today, and we have lost a true hero.

There are a lot of different ways they could have gone with this premise.  This one works. I would have done it as a fake commercial for an investment bank where you have one of those serious financial advisors types giving you the straight talk.

I know it’s easier with cartoon faces, but when whoever edits these things manages to get the mouth movements to line up with the words, I am BLOWN away. This one has some of the best I’ve ever seen, and Mr. Potato Head at about 1:30 makes me laugh my plastic moustache off. Nice work.

This semi-NSFW video promo for Zach and Miri from Mean Magazine toes the line between high art and just good comedy. It’s got a great look, and this bit of wisdom from sexy Elizabeth Banks.

David Wain is best known for his work on the shows Stella and The State. He directed Wet Hot American Summer and The Ten.  He has just finished his first big studio movie picture, Role Models. I spoke with him over the phone about fatherhood, the logistics of cursing around child actors, and Asberger’s Syndrome.

Max Payne shot his way to the top of the box office numbers this weekend and if I'm not mistaken, it had everything to do with Mark Walburg talking to animals.

The original sketch that this is referencing was damn funny. You can peep it here. And seriously, say hi to your mother for me.

When I see something so awesome that has nothing to do with Movies or TV, I’m just going to post it anyway.  This is reason number 4,563 to stay the hell away from China. “What do you do for a living?” “Oh, you know those dudes that cram people into trains? I’m one of those guys. My father did it. That's how I got the job.”