This recut "Seinfeld" footage does a fantastic job turning George Constanza into a decent, compassionate, caring individual. His lack of cynicism makes me itchy underneath my skin. Bring back Independent George. Relationship George is a pussy. (BuzzFeed)These links…are makin' me thirsty!Jackie Earle Haley on 'Nightmare on Elm Street' (Moviefone)How to Be a Porn Star Magnet (Asylum)Lindsay Lohan Gets Trigger-Happy Pics (PopEater) 25 Women With Mustaches (HolyTaco)Brendan Fraser: Kind of a Spaz (FilmDrunk)Humans vs. Animals in Movies (Unreality)Cheating Coach Caught On Camera (TotalProSports)Found Porn (Maxim)Jonathan Goulet Had to Choke a B*tch Out (CagePotato)Miley Cyrus Can Not Wait to Get Naked (CelebJihad)25 Toothless Hockey Players (Smosh)10 Movies That Take Place in One Day (Pajiba)Gaining Wealth Through Wealth Seminars (Atom)Best Ways to Break Your Bad Habits (MadeMan)Earnhardt Jr. National Enquirer Story (AllLeftTurns)30 Entertaining "Meanwhile in" Pics (RegretfulMorning)
As previously reported, Adam McKay has a serious case of the frownies today. After severely cutting the budget, Anchorman 2 is still a no-go with Paramount. There was a glimmer of hope earlier this week when the original cast agreed to cut their prices, but Paramount decided to pass all the same.I imagine it went something like this:ADAM McKAY: So there you have it, The Further Legends of Ron Burgundy!!PARAMOUNT EXEC: Very funny. But I'll need to consult with my adviser.SLAMS MAGIC 8 BALL DOWN ON DESK.PARMOUNT EXEC: Oooh. It is decidely not so. MWUHAHAHAHAAHAHAHA!!!!!MAGIC 8 BALL: MWUHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!A TEAM OF BAYWATCH WRITERS CLOSES DOOR ON McKAY'S FACE.(via /Film)
Shia LaBeouf has signed on to star in The Necessary Death of Charlie Countryman in commercial director Dante Ariola's feature debut. Quick question about Dante Ariola, is that his real name or the one he uses when performing burlesque? I guess that doesn't matter right now.In the film, LaBeouf stars as Charlie Countryman. Just a normal dude who likes to hang and chill and maybe kick around the hack. Then he meets Gabi, but sadly she's already claimed by a violent crime boss. Charlie must take several sh*t-kickings to woo her. This sounds like Dante's Peak to Scott Pilgrim's Volcano. Those two movies somehow found a way to make lava boring, let's hope Countryman doesn't do the same for sh*t-kickings. (/Film)
A Malkovich handshake. We get it. He's got an ugly face. But the Jonah Hex trailer wants to make sure you fully understand that fact. Josh Brolin plays a scarred bounty hunter charged with hunting down his oldest enemy (John Malkovich, unfortunately not playing himself) who is preparing to unleash Hell. Megan Fox shows off her heaving bosom in a corset as another sexy dame that can shoot a gun with the greatest of ease. Also, Daniels from "The Wire" provides Jonah with weapons, and Will Arnett has a mustache and a word of advice. The only thing that's missing is Kenneth Branagh operating a mechanical spider. I'd like to see Jonah come up with a quippy one-liner for that. One that Will Smith doesn't already own. Check out the trailer after the jump. Jonah Hex saddles up in theaters June 18, 2010.
Kim Raver kept Jack Bauer under control in 24, and then a sh*tstorm of TV roles followed. She was in "The Nine" (cancelled), "Lipstick Jungle" (cancelled), and now she's laid her head down on "Grey's Anatomy." Make yourself comfortable, Kim. A word from Kim: "I always wanted to be a superhero."Get bitten by something. I think that's how it usually works. I call myself Malaria Man. Check out more of Kim's anatomy after the jump.
Just in time for the Oaks Celebration of the 136th Kentucky Derby, we have the trailer for Secretariat. Directed by Randall Wallace, it stars Diane Lane as a horse owner with a vagina (GASP!), that attempts to lead her thoroughbred to Triple Crown glory. John Malkovich co-stars as the horse's trainer and personal stylist. Here that swelling score? That means you can lump this one into Disney's growing catalogue of "Animals Who Defy the Odds to Blow Your F*cking Mind." To differentiate it from Seabiscuit, the filmmakers could have taken a few liberties with the material. My suggestion: the true story of a horse who ate too much, and lounged around like he was in the Caribbean. Here's an artist's interpretation of what that may look like. Check out the trailer after the jump. Secretariat charges into theaters October 8, 2010.
Princess Leia Bikini Car Wash – Watch more Funny VideosMay cause heart palpitations, nausea, and even death in some nerds. Watch with extreme caution, and a Darth Vader mask on. (FilmDrunk)
Director: Randall WallaceCast: Diane Lane, John Malkovich, James Cromwell, Dylan WalshSynopsis: The life story of Penny Chenery, owner of the racehorse Secretariat, who won the Triple Crown in 1973.Release Date: October 8, 2010
Ah, now all the kids on my bus route will get my Commando references. Fox has hired David Ayer (Harsh Times, Street Kings) to write and direct a remake of THE BEST FILM EVER. A former Navy soldier, Ayer is putting his own real world spin on the character formerly played by Schwarzenegger. This time around, the elite commando on a mission to rescue his daughter will be "less brawny, but more skilled in covert tactics and weaponry."Ayer now needs to figure out how to make the film car-centric. That's the only bump on the road to getting Jason Statham to agree to star. (Deadline)
Harry Hendersons Best Cry Mash Up – Watch more Funny VideosCrying Guy feels your pain, Harry.(special thanks to Mark from Found Footage Fest for the assist)These links will cheer you up. Ricky Gervais to Host 2011 Golden Globes (Moviefone)Porn Star Rescues Man from Jail Sentence (Asylum)Jim Carrey is Acting Weirder Than Usual (PopEater)25 Ladies in Corsets (HolyTaco)Pete Hammond's an 'Iron Man 2' Whore (FilmDrunk)Werner Herzog Reads Where's Waldo (Unreality)Girl + Fitness Ball = Epic Face Plant (TotalProSports)If Ninjas Made a Wall Callendar (Maxim)Josh Barnett Plans His Fake Fighting Future (CagePotato)Leighton Meester Long Legs Megapost (CelebJihad)13 People Over 100 Doing Crazy Stuff (Smosh)10 Hottest Gingers (Pajiba)Mustache Gun (Atom)Cheapest Workouts fro Men (MadeMan)What It's Like to Ride in a Stock Car (AllLeftTurns)
"J.J., if you touch me again, I'll end you."Vulture's got some craaaaaaazy news, y'all. J.J. Abrams next movie will supposedly be both a tribute and a collaboration with his father from another lover Steven Spielberg. From Vulture's mysterious inside source:An insider tells us that Abrams is just now finishing a script described as “a tip of the hat to [Spielberg’s] movies of the 70’s and early 80’s.” We’re also told that Abrams plans to “roll up his sleeves and direct the script himself” by early this fall for Paramount Pictures, where he's based.Plot details are top secret – as if there’s any other kind of plot detail in Abramsland — but we’re told that like Spielberg’s Jaws, Close Encounters of the Third Kind, and E.T., the project will deal with everyday people whose personal relationships are tested when they are thrown up against extraordinarily fantastic – and possibly other-worldly – events.So THAT'S what you've been up to, Abrams, you wily S.O.B. You've been writing a shark/alien movie for you to direct and Spielberg to produce. The title for the film is being kept under lock and key and dirt and lead blanket, but Bearsharktopus would clearly be most apted. And if it's about anything other than a hybrid bear-shark-octopus, I'm not sure I want anything to do with it.
"Follow me, Edward. Onto a project far gayer."Oscar-winner Bill Condon (Kinsey, Dreamgirls, Gods and Monsters, Candyman: Farewell to the Flesh) is ready to swell the hearts of weepy teenaged girls everywhere. Just like Cinn-a-bon.Summit has announced that they have tasked him with directing the spell-binding romance and shirtless dudefest that is Twilight: Breaking Dawn. “I’m very excited to get the chance to bring the climax of this saga to life on-screen," said Condon. Which is fine, as long as he doesn't bring it on my Edward Man-Pillow. The Wayans Brothers are said to already be accepting breakdancing werewolf applicants for Twilte: To The Break-a Break-a Dawn. I'm kidding, of course. But how soon until this actually goes into production?
Is a movie based on a soothsaying billiard ball unnecessary? As I see it, yes. Will that prevent Paramount from making an action-adventure film based on Mattell's Magic 8 Ball? Outlook not so good.Paramount Pictures has decided audiences are finally ready to embrace the Zen simplicity that is Magic 8 Ball: The Motion Picture. …Paramount has assigned as producer its former production chief, Brad Weston. The Paramount plan, we hear, is to turn Magic 8 Ball into a sort of live-action National Treasure–style action-adventure movie.Oh, I see. It will be a sort of live-action National Treasure-style action-adventure movie. Well, that makes perfect sense. Jerry Bruckheimer loves 8 balls. (Vulture)
Paramount has picked up the action screenplay Heatseekers for Michael Bay to get his sticky fingers all over, a.k.a. produce, not direct. Bay's company Platinum Dunes signed a first-look deal with Paramount last October to make lower-budget genre pictures, and Heatseekers written by newbie Georgie Mahaffey is the first project to get the Bay mushroom cloud seal of approval.In the mold of "Fast & Furious" and "Point Break," "Heatseekers" follows a young ex-military pilot who infiltrates a gang of aerial "pirates" working out of Bangkok and takes part in an elaborate tower heist using powered gliders and parachutes.Are people just making up professions now? Bank-robber-surfer makes sense, but an aerial pirate? That's something a Kevin James character writes down on a job application to impress a sexy CEO. Then the next thing you know he's ziplining off a building in Bangkok where his ineptitude leads to his success. Too bad an Asian street gang led by Bay has already had their way with James's dream girl while he was up in the air jackin' around. The title HEATSEEKERS! flies at the screen. Roll credits. (THR)
You might recognize Kari Byron as the female on "Mythbusters." She's got red hair and often wears it in pig tails. If you're a nerd, you just made a stain. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to change my pants.A word from Kari: "High explosives and electricity! Woo!"I remembered that from the show's credits.More hot gingerness after the jump.
It boggles my mind that anyone would willing choose to watch a porn parody of "Curb Your Enthusiam." There isn't one character on that show that I would enjoy seeing naked. Alright maybe Cheryl, but I certainly haven't been itching to see her tossed into and tossed in a hardcore storyline. And then there's Larry David. I like to pretend that man's clothes never come off. In my mind, he's a never-nude.
NBC's Thursday night comedy line-up may have a Steve Carell-shaped hole in its wall soon. His contract for "The Office" runs through the end of next season (the show's seventh) and he's talking about leaving to focus on his busy movie career. Of course, NBC will likely offer him anything his heart desires to get him to stay. Then again, they're not the best when it comes to making smart decisions.Honestly, I'm torn. I can't imagine "The Office" without his dickish character, but this is the only way we'll get to see the sequels the streets have been hungry for, like Evan Almightier, Get Smarter, and Dan Even More in Real Life. (Vulture)
When thinking about the upcoming summer movie season, it’s hard to picture anything but Robert Downey Jr., Buzz & Woody, and Jake G. as a Persian with a British accent. And while we all enjoy a tasty summer club-banger (blockbuster) or two, the season always provides for a few smaller, limited-release “gems.” Many of these flicks are picked-up off the festival-circuit tours and sometimes go on to make a big cult-splash (The Wackness, Napolean Dynamite, Garden State), or even an awards-season run (The Hurt Locker, Little Miss Sunshine, Hustle & Flow). The following are ten under-the-radar flicks that may get some extra attention/theater releases by the summer’s end: The Trotsky
Sharon Osbourne is saying things. While promoting "Celebrity Apprentice," the reality show fixture revealed that a biopic about her slurry, hard-partying husband will soon go into production. The film, tentatively titled HurblemunbletopSHARON!!!!!!!, has a producer and lots of money according to Sharon.No cast or director have been announced yet but the production is said to be going with an unknown for the lead role. This could be the big break I've been waiting for. But here it is nearly 8:30 a.m. and I'm still sober. Time to go method. **pours tequila into bowl of Smart Start; snorts a line of kitty litter** YAHTZEE!!!! (Digital Spy)
Supposedly this is a parody of "The Hills" with kids taking over the roles of the people? actors? morons? on the show. I gotta tell ya though, I just don't see it. Maybe it's like one of those Magic Eye posters where my brain can't discern, but this video seriously just looks like a regular episode of "The Hills" to me. Wait, let me stand a little farther back… Nope, everyone still acts retarded. (Babelgum)Oh my God, these links are totally links. 'Prince of Persia' Trailer Gets Lego-ized (Moviefone)History's Most Awesome Time Capsules (Asylum)Doc Says Bret Michaels May Not Recover (PopEater)25 Sexy Peta Girls (HolyTaco)James Bond Fans Shaken, Stirred (FilmDrunk)Best Fictional Bands in Movies (Unreality)24 Hot Girls Working Out (TotalProSports)11 Worst Places to Be Hung Over (Maxim)Harold Howard is Batsh*t Crazy (CagePotato)Beyone Fell Out of Her Top (CelebJihad)25 White People with Cornrows (Smosh)7 Most Vile Romantic Comedy Creatures (Pajiba)Wiki-Wiki Wikipedia (Atom)Adriana Lima Photo Shoot (MadeMan)Dennis Setzer Talladega Crash (AllLeftTurns)9 Childhood Characters You Crushed On (RegretfulMorning)
Apparently only Josh Brolin matters on the new poster for Jonah Hex. Sure, Megan Fox is wearing a corsett, and the target audience is more likely to care about her heaving bosom than Brolin's mangled face, but she doesn't even get a tiny credit above the hackneyed tag. Sweet gatling gun, Jonah. Ever tried to fire one with one hand? The kickback alone would rip your G.D. arm off. Then you'd be an amputee with bad skin. There's a name for people like you: Sally Punkin. We drove her to tears in middle school. Well not me, but people I knew… (Yahoo)
Parkour, the hottest trend of the month that Casino Royale came out, is finally getting its own movie. After having been in development for three years, New Line has hired Matt Johnson to write a script about a pair of master bank robbers who excel at their take because of parkour. Because of all the rooftop banks, you see. Channing Tatum was once attached to the project but has since jumped ship.
Spirits aren't likely to reach out. While promoting A Nightmare on Elm Street, Brad Fuller has been talking up some of his other half-cooked films. For instance, what's the deal with Ouija?"‘Ouija’ isn’t really a horror movie per se, it’s definitely more of a big action-adventure movie along the lines of…I gotta be careful what I compare it to [cough-JUMANJI-cough, cough]. But you know, it’s like a big action-adventure movie. And that script…I’ve read a couple pages of it, it seems good." I have an irrational fear of Ouija boards and ghosts ever since I watched Witchboard in the late 80's. (Note: it was before the Internet existed and my best chance at seeing Tawny Kitaen nude (Note: Tawny Kitaen was once worth seeing nude.).)"There are definitely horror elements, because it’s about Ouija and what happens from an Ouija board, but it’s a much bigger film. I would call it an action-adventure with horror elements."An action-adventure with horror elements. Sounds a lot like driving through Detroit. **clumsy rimshot results in finger jammy** (BloodyDisgusting)
Rooney Mara is the little sister of uber-hottie Kate Mara. Even I'd feel self-conscious living in Kate's shadow, and I'm an adonis. Rooney starred alongside Michael Cera in Youth in Revolt, and can be seen as Nancy in the Nightmare On Elm Street remake/reboot/reimagining coming out this Friday.A word from Rooney: "For Halloween, my mom asked me what I wanted to be. I said Klara, the crippled girl in the movie Heidi."You clever, fox. Dress up like a cripple, everyone will assume you're disabled, and you'll reap the candy benefits. Check out more pics of the very able-bodied Rooney after the jump.
We don't have to live in fear anymore, you guys. Fox has ordere– OH, HOLY F*CKSTICKS!!! WHAT THE POOP ARE THOSE IN THE PICTURE ABOVE????!!!!! From Variety:"Panic Attack" will be hosted by U.K.-based married psychotherapists and motivational coaches Nik and Eva Speakman."Panic" centers on a group of five participants who suffer from the same phobias. A team of therapists will help them face those fears.Through a series of challenges, the quintet will learn new ways to deal with those paralyzing fears — leading to one final, dramatic challenge. Friends and family will be brought in to watch their loved ones tackle that final test.So let me get this straight. Five people will have to live in a nightmare house haunted by life coaches with the fashion sense of a failed figure-skating duo. Talk about exposure treatment.First step is to identify your fear. Please look at the picture below and let me know what scares you the most.Next step is killing your fear with fire.
Olivia Munn is sick and tired of the way Ringling Brothers is abusing their circus elephants, so she decided to take all of her clothes off in support. What does one have to do with the other? Something about nature. But who cares, Olivia is naked on a billboard at the intersection of Highland and Wilshire in Los Angeles. That's like fifteen minutes from my office. If I gaze through my Bird Watching Enthusiast brand binoculars I can see a crowd of pantless men circling her visage and chanting at this very moment. Preach Olivia Munn :These beautiful animals are meant to roam free in nature and live wonderful, long lives. But instead, they’re chained up, electro-shocked and beat by employees of Ringling Bros all in the hopes that we, the public, will pay to see these giant majestic creatures standing on a stupid little ball.I'm totally against animal cruelty, but if Olivia really wanted my full attention she would have shown more cleavage. Seriously, her recent Maxim shoot was more revealing. So until I see pics of Olivia prancing daintily through the African outback in nothing but her birthday suit I'm going to reserve my judgement.Hehe! Look at him balance on that ball!
Steven Seagal has built a career laying his hands on other people. Recently this has brought controversy his way. What the man needs now is a comeback. Here are six projects that could easily put him back on top. Law and Order: SVU (Seagal Victims Unit)
Just the other day on Things I Never Say Day, I was saying how badly we need a sequel to The Ring. Preferably one that is 3D and focuses on a more teen-centric angle. Well, save up your shillings for an inflated ticket price because it looks like Paramount is intending to do just that. Dream House writer David Loucka on script duties. No details yet about how the girl in the old VHS will return but one scenario has teens finding a VCR that still works. Really?Okay. Honestly, you kids today with your Jason Beavers and sexting parties. VCR's aren't that old or difficult to find. Either this film takes place in 2025 or Afghanistan. (THR)
The two actors, not exactly known for their straight-edge lifestyle, watch over Dermot Mulroney like a couple of hypocritical angels condemned to the boonies. Memorable quote: "When I was in high school, if you couldn't chug-a-lug a pint of booze you were nothing." So true, Burt Reynolds. That one night with a 6-pack of Hard Lemonade earned me a ton of street cred.You too much of a pussy to click on these links?20 Sexy Mermaids (Manofest)5 Useful New Photoshop Filters (CollegeHumor)$20 Million Movie Stars are a Dying Breed (Moviefone) Erotic Masseuse Shares Her Happy Ending Technique (Asylum)Tito Ortiz Allegedly Abused Jenna Jameson (PopEater)25 Cats Vs. Invisibility (HolyTaco)Shocker: Russell Crowe Is Difficult to Work With (FilmDrunk)5 Worst De Niro Movies (Unreality)Sexy Snake Handlers (Maxim)UFC Will Release Ortiz If Charges Hold Up (CagePotato)Justin Bieber Shows Her Breasts (CelebJihad)12 Crazy Detention Slips (Smosh)Rick Astley and the Human Centipede (Pajiba)Iron Man 3 Audition (Atom)How to Get Better Sleep (MadeMan)Another Wild Weekend in Talladega (AllLeftTurns)
Think you can pull the wool over MY eyes, Pixar?! I knew this video for a supposed Lots-o'-Huggin' Bear was a Toy Story 3 ploy the second I hit play. Sure, it looks authentic, but if this bear really existed I would have owned the crap out of it back in 1983. It doesn't even matter that a bear with the word "hug" in its name doesn't even give hugs but instead just receives them (like a normal stuffed animal?), or that the grindhouse-esque commercial cuts off right before the bear slaughters the little girl in her sleep and then goes for the rest of the family. I simply had to have everything I saw advertised, or mother got the hose again. Check out the surprisingly well-done video after the jump. It must have taken the Pixar geniuses months to render the fuzzy tracking at the bottom of the frame.