Ashley Greene enjoys butter so much she's signed on to co-star in a movie about it. The film centers on an Iowa woman (played by Jennifer Garner) who attempts to win a butter-carving title formerly held by her husband (Ty Burrell), only to be thwarted by a young black girl (Yara Ahahidi). Wait, where's the part about Greene slathered in hydrogenated oil? This has been one big tease! Greene will play a rebellious high schooler named Kaitlen Pickler in the film directed by Jim Field Smith, who also directed hottie Alice Eve in She's Out of My League. Just a suggestion, but a movie starring Ashley Greene, Alice Eve, butter, and absolutely no premise sounds like box office gold. Mainly because I would personally see it 250,000,000 times. (THR)
This trailer for Golden Girls Origins Sex and the City 2 has reunited everyone's favorite assholes and relocated them to the Lipstick Desert. When the plot picks up, the ladies are bored with marriage/kids/cougarism and decide to take a group vacation to Abu Dhabi. My big question is 'Why?' Why would anyone go to Abu Dhabi?? Isn't that the place where cartoon characters ship their annoying counterparts after convincing them to climb into wooden crates? Oh, you know what. I now see the logic. Watch the faaabulousssss trailer after the jump…
Spielberg brings his "A" game to every project. Even upskirt videos.A press release from The Discovery Channel announced they are working with Steven Spielberg and Dreamworks Television to develop a new mini-series titled, "Future Earth". In a similar vain as "Planet Earth" and "Life", the series will examine the world of the future to show us how Earth is expected to evolve over the next 25, 50, and 100 years. Spielberg will personally oversee the project. It's yet to be determined if the impending robot uprising will be factored in."We're quite excited to bring our brand of sassy yet dead-in-the-eyes character animation to this revolutionary project," said Jeffrey Katzenberg, Chief Executive Officer of Dreamworks Animation.Although the future may bring prosperous advances to the worlds of technology and medicine, one area that will suffer is fashion. According to leading futurists, hammer pants are expected to make a huge comeback. Weird, I know. (The Futon Critic)
The song is called "I Can Hardly Wait" by Complicated Universal Cum. What's that, you don't care? But I have a really funny joke about the band's name. Fine, watch the lesbians while I mope. (BuzzFeed)Bring your gaze over here for a minute. I have links.10 Most Over-Used Movie Catchphrases (Moviefone)HP's Answer to the iPad (Asylum)Tiger Woods Nike Commercial Parodies (PopEater)25 Awesome Haircuts (HolyTaco)Arrested Development Movie Probably Not Happening (FilmDrunk)10 Random Singing Scenes in Movies (Unreality)Meet Tiger Woods' Girl-Next-Door Mistress (TotalProSports)UFC's Arianny Celeste Photo Shoot (Maxim)Rich Attonito's Guest Blog: Ep 2 (CagePotato)Leighton Meester Shows Her Ass on Gossip Girl (CelebJihad)Freakiest Virtual Reality Devices Ever (Smosh)Dos and Don'ts of Masturbation in Cinema (Pajiba)Todd Willis Discusses Smoking Crack (Atom)How to Choose a Cologne (MadeMan)The Formula 1 Guitarist (AllLeftTurns)24 White Trash Gaming Rigs (RegretfulMorning)
Awww, frowny face. Tragedy has struck in Hollywood. Nicolas Cage has lost another of his fabulous homes to a foreclosing lender.The opening bid for the actor's 12,000-square-foot home was $10.4 million, but there are $18 million worth of loans on the property. The Tudor mansion boasts six bedrooms, a central tower, home theater and an Olympic-sized pool. The house reverted to the foreclosing lender at Wednesday's auction in Pomona. Even though he's one of Hollywood's highest-paid stars, Cage has money troubles. He owes millions in unpaid taxes and in January his foreclosed home in Las Vegas sold for nearly $5 million.How very devastating. Why do bad things always happen to weird people who drop millions of dollars on dinosaur skulls? It really is a shame though. Dude had to wear A LOT of silly wigs to be able to afford those homes. (LA Times)
Don't drink and drive, Drunk-Rupert-Everett-Servant-Robot. Since District 9 struck box office gold without the use of 3D, Hollywood has been eager to buy up and adapt enticing sci-fi shorts. So it's no surprise that a bidding war has broken out over commercial director Carl Erik Rinsch's The Gift, a look at a futuristic, dystopian Moscow where a robo-butler is hunted down for a box containing either miniature unicorns or rare Lisa Frank stickers. That outcome all depends on how literal Russian-version of Ricky Jay was being. From THR: On Wednesday, the day the short came out, a bidding war broke out between several studios — longtime rivals Warner Bros. and Fox are in the mix, according to sources — who see feature potential in the short. Some speculate the project will end up at Fox, because Rinsch is part of the stable of RSA, Ridley Scott's commercial house that produced the short, and Scott's longtime association with Fox. Rinsch was actually originally attached to the Alien prequel but was later ousted so papa bear Ridley Scott could take the wheel. Maybe Ridley will throw Rinsch his long-gestating Monopoly project. I'd love to see his gritty commentary on the stark living conditions of St. James Place and its neighboring prison.Check out the short after the jump. WARNING: Eligible viewers must pass a saliva scan…
The director of Zombieland, Ruben Fleischer, is doing a movie about pizza and Aziz Ansari is in negotiations to star. 30 Minutes or Less follows an aimless delivery man who is forced to rob a bank by two goons who strap a bomb to his chest. Ansari would play the poor sap's straight-man buddy, on hand to recommend deep breaths and "stepping back and looking at the situation from a different perspective." So my headline doesn't make complete sense. Sue me. (Don't sue me). Seeing Ansari in a straight-man role would definitely be a change of pace for the actor. Not that he's a Jim Carrey type, but Ansari has been known to expend physical energy on stage, especially when discussing Coldstone Creamery. Danny McBride is rumored to play the unfortunate pizza pusher, which would set up a nice dynamic. I can already hear McBride putting his unique North Carolina twang on an Indian racial slur. (THR)
Kayla Ewell is known for her roles as Caitlin Ramirez on the long-running soap opera "The Bold and the Beautiful," and Maureen Sampson on "Freaks and Geeks." If you work for a living you're probably not aware of the former. If you like awesome television you should know the latter. A word from Kayla: "I’m OK with blood, but walking around and talking on your cell phone with a giant gash in your neck—I’m going to have to get used to that."I don't think you ever really get used to that. You just bleed out. Check out a very much intact Kayla after the jump.
With the news that Emily Blunt told Marvel they could cram their Peggy Carter role up their puckering crap-crave (I'm paraphrasing), we were left with Keira Knightley and Alice Eve in the running to play Captain America's leading lady. E! reports that Knightley told Marvel to squat on a pineapple (paraphrasing again), which means that She's Out of My League's Eve is the frontrunner for the role.Or once again, one of the frontrunners for the role rather. It was also announced that British actress Hayley Atwell is now up for the part. Damn it, people making Captain America. Just pick already. The sooner you finish casting, the sooner we can laugh at Chris Evans and Sebastian Stan in their ridiculous spandex costumes. (Eats Easy Mac with air of superiority, spills on Pokemon shirt).
Crispin Glover has "weirdest moments" written all over his incredibly distinctive face. He also seems like he lives his life as though everyday is Halloween. Crispin recently returned to the big screen in Hot Tub Time Machine, and it's my hope that it leads to future projects so we can capture more instances of WTF on camera much like these…Kicking
It looks like an actor has willingly signed on to play the lead in Battleship, a Peter Berg joint. Taylor Kitsch, who you probably know from Friday Night Lights or X-Men Origins: Wolverine or John Carter of Mars (if you're behind on your RSS feed and just now reading this in 2012), is now attached to play Alex Hopper, the Commanding Officer of a destroyer who goes toe-to-toe with alien invaders on the high seas.Jeremy Renner was originally in talks for the role but had to drop out when he realized the movie was based on a board game. I'd like to stay optimistic about this until I see a trailer, but I will go on record and let it be known that I'll be very disappointed if a Slinky doesn't burst from a crewmember's chest during a galley scene. (THR)
Last night on "The Tonight Show (with Jay Leno)," Slash donned a pin in support of Conan O'Brien. That top-hatted rocker couldn't stop being a rebel if he tried, even though his act of defiance was the equivalent of pinning a "Molest Me" sign on your Chemistry teacher's back. We always took it up a notch in my high school. (BuzzFeed)Show these links some support.Get Inside the 'Clerks' Convenience Store (Moviefone)What Does It Feel Like to be Struck by Lightning? (Asylum)Russell Brand Is a Bridezilla (PopEater)25 Terrible Restaurant Signs (HolyTaco)If 'Gran Torino' Was About Doin' Chicks (FilmDrunk)8 Funniest Jorma Taccone Videos (Unreality)Girl's Epic Dunk Fail (TotalProSports)The Ultimate 'Lost' Spin-Offs (Maxim)Gambling Addiction Enabler: UFC 112 Edition (CagePotato)Kristin Cavallari Butt Pics Megapost (CelebJihad)10 Badass Kids Not to Mess With (Smosh)'Jerry Maguire' vs. 'Up in the Air' (Pajiba)The Truth Behind Healthcare Reform (Atom)How to Survive an Explosion (MadeMan)Yet Another Earnhardt Fan Robs Banks (AllLeftTurns)
Rugged Hollywood grandpappy Harrison Ford is now officially cast in Cowboys & Aliens as an unspecified character according to director Jon Favreau's Twitter posting:"Please stop asking if Harrison Ford is in Cowboys & Aliens. Okay? He is. Please don’t tell anybody."Umm, for the record Jon, I didn't ask. Okay? Dial back the attitude some. Maybe you need to relax with a travel brochure.Sorry you guys had to see that. Anyway, this may mark the first time Harrison Ford has been in a good movie since Air Force One. That is, if the concept of cowboys and Indians teaming up to fight off alien invaders can yield a good movie. Personally, I feel like it could be quality. If casted correctly….
Last week we reported that AMC picked up "The Walking Dead" to series, securing at least one season of the Frank Darabont exec-produced zombie drama. It's always been my professional (?) opinion that shows thrive when they have lead actors in them, and it looks like the network concured by casting Andrew Lincoln to fill the shoes of small town cop Rick Grimes.Lincoln isn't a huge presence in The States, but if your girlfriend has ever forced you to watch Love, Actually you probably recognize him as the guy who tries to bone Keira Knightley by getting all cutesy.Yeah, yeah, yeah. Whatever happened to a boombox and Peter Gabriel? Kids have no imagination these days. (THR)
"COOKIE???!!!"Looks like Tony Scott will finally have the chance to make his passion project Potsdamer Platz after nattering on and on about it for the last decade. Sheesh, we get it. You like movies about trains.The film, about a New Jersey crime family expanding their business nationally, is expected to undergo a title and locale change as the latest script has the action moving from Germany to Puerto Rico. Mickey Rourke, Jason Statham, and Javier Bardem are all rumored to be circling the project. Though if Bardem drops out, Scott can probably get Jeffrey Dean Morgan at a bargain rate. It's also being reported that the Crimson Tide director is trying to lure Gene Hackman out of retirement to take part in the film, but inside sources say that isn't happening. I could have told you that. Dude is way too into taking bong rips and playing Forza Motorsport 3 to waste his time making movies. (Deadline)
Olivia Munn has, pretty much, all but conquered the small screen, co-hosting "Attack of the Show!", as well as modeling for many magazines, including Playboy (though she did keep her clothes on. Boo!!!), Maxim, and Men's Health. You can see her on the big screen in Date Night this weekend and in Iron Man 2 this May. A word from Olivia: "I love banana cream meringue pie!"I'm going to assume that's a sex position, and don't anyone DARE try to convince me otherwise. More pics of Olivia after the jumps, sans pie.
It took Disney 28 years to sequelize Tron and, now, negative nine months to start work on a third film. Tron Legacy writers Edward Kitsis and Adam Horowitz have been hired to write another sequel with the intention to round out the story as a trilogy. At this point, it's not known if director Joseph Kosinski or the film's stars will return. It's also not known whether the movie deserves a sequel. Though that's never stopped anyone before.I'm looking at you Resident Evil. (THR)
UPDATE: Apologies, but I was forced to remove this due to copyright issues. You can check out the original article at Cracked HERE, which delves deeper into MacFarlane's process.
Troma's The Toxic Avenger film is a cult hit about a 98-lb weakling who mutates into a misshapen hulk after falling into a vat of toxic waste. He uses his newfound strength to rip evil-doers limb from limb and then sodomize them with said limbs. Today comes news that Akiva Goldsman has picked up the rights to remake The Toxic Avenger without including any of those good parts.The new Toxie will be a green superhero who embarks on PG-13 adventures. Which means instead of introducing a thug's head to his sphincter, he will now introduce thugs to brochures about recycling and Al Gore documentaries. (Deadline)
Luke better not show his face at this remembrance.Let's take a moment for these links.Winona Ryder Joins Ron Howard Comedy (Moviefone)Soda-Drinking May Kill Your Sperm (Asylum)Gwyneth Paltrom Is Filled With Hate (PopEater)25 Mutant Cars (HolyTaco)Internet Geek License Plates (Unreality)33 Super Hot Baseball Girls (TotalProSports)Hot Girls in Hats (Maxim)NCIS: LA Goes MMA-Style (CagePotato)13 Celebs Who Probably Smell Like Cheese (EgoTV)11 Total Burnouts (Smosh)5 TV Shows We Got Tired of Banging (Pajiba)Ways to Save Money: Electricity (Atom)15 Time Management Tips (MadeMan)Leffler Wrecks Buescher in Nashville (AllLeftTurns)25 Confused Animals (RegretfulMorning)
Sometimes I feel like Hugh Jackman extracts his life-force from gay jokes. Between all the song and dance and now this casting announcement, it has to be the only explanation.In Peter Farrelly's upcoming anthology film, titled Untitled Comedy, Jackman will play a bachelor on a date with Kate Winslet. Kate has a hard time concentrating during the social call as Jackman's character has testicles attached to his chin. Nice work, guys. 1999 is laughing its ass off. The short segment, known as The Catch, is just one of several sketches that populate the film.Now that Jackman and "balls on chin" are forever wed in Google bliss, it's a good thing he didn't star in Brokeback Mountain. The combined might of those gay jokes could cause him to go supernova and destroy us all. FLAME ON! (Digital Spy)
Olivia Thirlby seems ready to break away from her moody indie roots. The star of The Wackness, Juno, and movies I rent accidentally on Netflix has just been cast in Chris Gorak's The Dark Hour. In the film, she'll play an American traveller in Moscow when aliens invade unexpectedly. Thirlby will fight for survival alongside other tourists in the sci-fi epic from the production designer turned director. Between all the random attacks and driving on the wrong side of the road, it doesn't sound that much different than a trip to Detroit.Filming will begin this summer in Moscow at producer Timur Bekmambetov's custom-built production facility where film shoots you. (THR)
Even though Katie Gill is fairly new to the acting game, she's been on all three "CSIs". That's a lot of hip procedural drama and Who music to have on one person's resume. A word from Katie: "CSI: NY is my favorite."You picked Sinise over Caruso?! For shaaaame. I bet Caruso would have something clever to say about this, but I have neither the time nor the patience to come up with it.Take off your sunglasses to check out the pics after the jump.
Square jaws, impeccable scruff, squinty eyes, and mussed hair. It's a David Cronenberg film come to life.
"She's anatomically perfect and she's all mine."Modern Family's Ty Burrell is in final negotiations to star in Butter, a satire about the cut-throat world of competitive butter sculpting. The movie, which also stars Jennifer Garner as his glory-seeking wife, is actually an allegory for the 2008 Presidential primaries with Burrell appearing as a Bill Clinton parody who is forced to step down from his position of butter sculpting champ.Wait. A movie that makes you look smart while you secretly daydream about the creamy taste of fresh butter? Brett Ratner is going to get soooo laid on date night. (Variety)
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It looks like Jerry Bruckheimer has found a kinship with writers Carlo Bernard and Doug Miro. The pair wrote his next two blockbusters, Prince of Persia and The Sorcerer's Apprentice, and now he has them on the hook to write a third National Treasure film for director Jon Turteltaub.When reached for fictional comment, not-real Jerry Bruckheimer had this to say:"The National Treasure films have always displayed a reckless abandon for all semblance of reality. After seeing how Carlo and Doug laughed in the face of physics and history with their other works, Jon and I knew they were the d-bags for the job. It also helps that they can't capture the way people actually talk."No plot specifics have been released yet but we'll keep you posted on Nicolas Cage's hunt for William Henry Harrison's gold or whatever it turns out to be.In the interest of full disclosure, I made that earlier quote up. (Coming Soon)
Totally beats classes at The Learning Annex. (Unreality)Plug these links into your brain.Is Hollywood Going Too Crazy With 3D? (Moviefone)Oral Sex Spray Is a Fabulous Deal (Asylum)Tiger Faces Reporters at Augusta (PopEater)25 Sexy Baseball Fans (HolyTaco)Release Schedule for Finest Film Ever Created (FilmDrunk)15 Dumbest Video Game Tattoos You'll Ever See (Unreality)Soccer Player Throws Water Bottle at Fan (TotalProSports)Hottest Celeb Baseball Fans (Maxim)Bob Sapp Won a Fight, But It Wasn't Pretty (CagePotato)Alessandra Ambrosia Lost ALL of Her Baby Weight (CelebJihad)11 Awesome Burn-Out Fails (Smosh)5 Must Manipulative Tearjerkers (Pajiba)Rockateer DUI Caught On Tape (Atom)Get Her from Dinner to Bed (MadeMan)Hot Jordan Fish Pics (AllLeftTurns)
Because this turned out so well. An official sanction from LucasFilms has made it okay to laugh at Star Wars. Not the films though. You must remain stone-faced while Hayden Christiansen delivers dialogue and when rubber puppets pop up during the pod race. That is law. What you can laugh at is a new animated series being developed by LucasFilms themselves to presumably cash in on the recent franchise-skewering made popular by "Robot Chicken" and "Family Guy." And the best way to do that is to hire Seth Green and Matthew Seinreich from "Robot Chicken." I posit, however, that the best way to ensure hilarity is to farm it out to France. (Variety)
It made sense to produce a porn parody of box office juggernaut Avatar and television sensations "Dexter" and "The Jersey Shore", but I can't say that The Big Lebowski deserves the same NSFW treatment. Never ever never not even once during a viewing of the Cohen Brothers film have I thought a cut to rough penetration was mysteriously absent. But hell, give the people what they want, and apparently the people want The Dude naked. I just thank my lucky stars they found someone to replace Tara Reid. No one needs to see that Frankenstein body floppin' around.