Please don't smoke that thing while Tony's enjoying his cigar, Shia.
Tony Scott is rumored to be close to directing the adaptation of John Grisham's The Associate. From his successful "lawyers running away from things" series, The Associate is set to star Shia LaBeouf with The Departed's William Monahan on scripting duties.
This isn't confirmed yet and Scott has enough on his plate with Potsdamer Platz, Hell's Angels, and that Chippendales movie, so take the news with a grain of salt. I don't see why they really need a director for this project. John Grisham movies kind of just direct themselves. Do studios really need to pay millions upon millions of dollars to have someone say, "Okay Shia. What you're giving me right now is a light jog. I need a jaunt. Get them legs up. That's good. Okay. Now go get double-crossed by Gene Hackman." (LA Times)
Gandalf don't play that. Today California, tomorrow The Shire.
Steve Austin, or the wrestler formerly known as 'Stone Cold', may not have the same screen experience as the other Expendables, but what he lacks in acting skills, he makes up in kicking ass. How bad-ass is Austin? It took two full days to film his fight scene with Sly Stallone, during which he broke Stallone's neck.
Highly Debatable Best Role: Conrad in The Condemned
Weird Fact: Adam Sandler ranks him as one of his all time favorite co-stars.
MORE AFTER THE JUMP…
Stacey Alysson is a blonde babe with some major medical street credit to her family name. Not only is she a graduate of Nutritional Science but her father was the first veterinarian to use Prozac on animals. Probably because all the animals got depressed looking at Stacey's hot body all day long and they couldn't have her.
A word from Stacey: “Does this still count as sexual harasment if I make the first move?”
Probably, but I guarantee no one's going to file charges.
More pics of Stacey after the jump…
"Honey! Do Jacob's abs look tighter than mine?"
Thanks to Twilight and "True Blood," Hollywood is buying up anything werewolf-related. MMA werewolves, teenaged werewolves, California-based werewolves, it doesn't matter what the werewolves do, as long as they are werewolves. So, it stands to reason that Hollywood would be anxious to desecrate John Landis's classic An American Werewolf In London.
The Weinsteins have just hired The Number 23 scribe Fernley Phillips to drag his butt across the remake's script. This is the Fernley Phillips who named a character "Topsy Kretts." So, yeah. Um. Yeah. The Weinsteins reportedly want to completely depart from Landis's film and give it a more modern feel. That means less gore, more mumbly romance. Which is dumb. Just make your own movie without tarnishing the memory of a horror classic. Besides, with a name like An American Werewolf In London, audiences are going to expect a Madonna biopic. (via LA Times and Bloody Disgusting)
Space prison is much like Earth prison.
Maggie Grace and Luc Besson last worked together on Taken, which Besson produced and co-wrote and Grace starred in as Liam Neeson's stupid daughter who shares cabs with strange Frenchman just because they smile at her. Now Deadline reports that they're reteaming for Lockout, a film with one of the coolest loglines I've heard in a long time:
Guy Pearce is attached to play a man wrongly convicted of conspiracy to commit espionage against the U.S. He's offered his freedom if he can rescue the president's daughter (Grace) from an outer space prison taken over by violent inmates.
He has to save her from a space prison riot? Awesome! Prison riots in general kick-ass, as evidenced by Face/Off, but imagine what one would look like with zero-gravity, once the device in the film that sustains gravity inevitably gets shut off. If they cast Charles S. Dutton, who's familiar with space prison from Alien 3 and Earth prison from real life, this film is sure to blow up bigger than Taken. I can hear Guy Pearce saying the lines now… "I will find you. And I will kill you. In space." Good luck.
Acting is a skill that requires intense focus and an incredible amount of natural talent. Acting like white trash simply requires a lack of focus and an incredible amount of Natural Light. That said, some actors manage the role better than others and that’s what I’ll be examining today as I present the 12 greatest portrayals of white trash in film.
Nicholas Cage as H.I. McDonnough in Raising Arizona
The road to Ghostbusters 3 has been a turbulent one. We've heard rumors for awhile about a sequel that would catch up with the paranormalists in the modern day, and serve as a passing of the torch to an Apatowized cast. Luckily, one brave man has stood in the way, refusing to allow our childhoods to miscarry in unnecessary 3D. God bless you, Bill Murray.
Now Michael Cera is fighting the good fight. He tells USA Today:
"Ghostbusters is the most influential movie of my childhood," he says. "And I would not want to be the reason that Ghostbusters was all of a sudden bad."
Looks like we'll have to depend on Jesse Eisenberg for that.
"Breakthrough with Tony Robbins" has been canceled after just two episodes, Deadline is reporting. Robbins, a self-help author, success coach, and modern-day medicine man failed to awake the giant within and tap his unlimited power, forcing NBC to scrap the show.
At last report, Robbins was chugging Jack Daniels, eating Ben and Jerry's Chunky Monkey and watching a 12 hour block of pornography at a Motel 6 in Bakersfield, CA, while repeatedly murmuring to himself that "it's all a big nothing."
July of 2011 is a long way off; almost a year by some estimates. Unfortunately, that's how long we'll have to wait for new episodes of "Breaking Bad." But to help keep fans from resorting to meth use, the show's producers are developing a series of three-to-four minute webisodes to run on the AMC website. According to the show's star, Bryan Cranston, these websiodes will be more than just fluff.
"I for one am eager to make these little interstitials important. I don’t want them to be simply filler or recap, but something that actually moves the storyline forward. If we’re going to do it, it ought to be a real part of the larger show.”
This sounds like a welcome change from the "Battlestar Galactica" websiodes, which consisted mainly of deleted scenes and 15 minutes of Edward James Olmos letting loose on the can. (Deadline)
Here's the trailer for the new season of "The Venture Bros." since I know you guys love Adult Swim so damn much. I've been told it doesn't work for foreigners, or rather, people outside the U.S. If you're in the U.S. but are foreign it should play for you. Unless you're Croatian. Hey, don't blame me. (ToplessRobot)
Enjoy these links, stoners.
'Louie' Moment: Louie Tells His Mother He Doesn't Love Her (TVSquad)
Sly Stallone Rubs Felt Elbows With 'The Muppets Show' (Asylum)
25 Videos Of Epic Bowling Fails (HolyTaco)
'Devil' Riding M. Night Shyamalan's Name Straight To Hell (FilmDrunk)
10 Most Important Hotties In Gaming Today (Maxim)
New Nike Ad Campaign Has Some Butts To Show You (BarStoolSports)
9 Things That Shouldn't Give Us Boners But Do (EgoTV)
Fear Of The Unknown: Those Horror Movies You Never Saw As A Kid (Pajiba)
'Deus Ex: Human Revolution' Is The Best Movie Trailer This Year (Unreality)
Amazing Spider Man Catch Of The Day (TotalProSports)
12 Frighteningly Real Sculptures (Smosh)
45 Hottest TV Lawyers Of All Time (BroBible)
Proof That Beyonce Is An Alien (CelebJihad)
Get Curb-Stomped By Roger Huerta (CagePotato)
Katy Perry: When Sex & God Mix, 'Bad Things Happen' (PopEater)
World Tetris Championship (MadeMen)
Is he wearing lipstick?
Yesterday it seemed a little odd when it was announced that Oscar-winning director Davis Guggenheim would direct the upcoming 3D Justin Bieber biopic. And I guess it seemed odd to Guggenheim too, because he has just taken himself off the project according to Deadline. Guggenheim cites "scheduling conflicts" as the reason for his departure, but we all know that's just Hollywood speak for "This diminutive singing child punches people in the balls. I'm not willing to put my balls at risk to work with him."
So as of right now, the very important film is left without a director. I think what Justin needs most is someone who can really identify with him. Someone who knows his music inside and out. Someone with Doritos breath. If only such a person existed.
Little Fockers is in trouble, and Universal Studios is deperately looking for a solution. Earlier in the week, Deadline reported that execs think a week of pickups with the principal cast in September is required to bring the movie closer to a viewable state. They were even at one point considering replacing director Paul Weitz with producer-writer John Hamburg, but that tactic got "rejected after Hamburg visited the set one weekend." He obviously wasn't pleased with the BBQ chicken quesadillas craft services slaved over.
Now Universal believes the answer to their problems comes in the form of a short, Jewish, 73 year-old man named Dustin Hoffman. Vulture reports that the studio is "looking into whether Hoffman might consider a last-minute reprise of his role as Bernie Focker in an effort to funny-up the comedy." Yeah, let's shoe horn in the arrival of Ben Stiller's character's neurotic Jewish father and all will be well. If Dustin doesn't cut it, then we'll fly in Barbra Streisand. If she doesn't work out, we'll add a ton more foreskin jokes, say our prayers, and let the chips fall where they may. Somewhere, some Universal exec has a thousand-yard stare and is tracing the trigger of a revolver with his index finger.
Ah, to be young again.
Hot on the heels of the magical time-travel plot device news, comes word that Hollywood is officially out of ideas. Fox has greenlighted the body swap 29. Based on the book by Adena Halpern, 29 tells the story of a 75-year old grannie who turns 29 again for just one day. She teams up with her granddaughter for an adventure, while her daughter and best friend assume she's been kidnapped and embark on their own mission to save the wrinkled, old coot.
Okay. I'm just gonna put this out there. Nana, stop reading. Okay, no olds reading? Okay, here goes. F*ck old people. I don't need to see their adventures on-screen. I just need to know what to buy them for Christmas (otherwise they're getting gloves again). Stop wasting this genre on old person turns young stories, and give America what it really wants. A husband and wife switch bodies and while the wife/husband is trying her/his best to win the bread for the family, the husband/wife is sitting at home playing with his/her own boobs all day. It would be Hollywood's first approach at a body swap movie grounded in reality. (THR)
Every day for the next two weeks, we're going to feature a cast member from the upcoming film The Expendables. These ten bad-ass actors, who deliver a extensive amount of property damage in the film, are legends in the action movie genre. Today the spotlight is on none other than the Governator himself. Arnold Schwarzenegger only has a small cameo in The Expendables, but his brief appearance completes the circle of legends.
Highly Debatable Best Role: The Terminator in The Terminator
Weird Fact: Underwent a genioplasty — a procedure in which his jaw has been moved back so that it no longer juts out.
MORE AFTER THE JUMP…
There's already been a MySpace parody of The Social Network trailer and now comes the inevitable YouTube parody. It adds as much drama to a movie about a video website as anyone could hope for. Keyboard Cat even makes an appearance, although I'm not sure why he isn't a bigger character. His lackadaisical ivory-tickling still keeps YouTube afloat to this day.
Check out the parody trailer after the jump…
While Diane Sorrentino may only have a few casting credits, this hot from the Brooklyn block girl knows how to show off her talents when it counts. Diane can be seen in the upcoming internet porn dramedy Middle Men, where she'll be playing the aptly named Robin Swallows, a porn star, no less.
More pics of Diane after the jump…
Kurt Russell is Kurt Russell in "Kurt Russell." Coming soon to a theater near you.
Kurt Russell is adding another entry to the "Kurt Russell Plays An Inspirational Coach" sub-genre of film with Touchback. What makes this different from the other times Kurt has hung a whistle around his neck? Magical time travel. Literally, this movie has magical time travel.
From the producer of We Are Marshall, Invincible, The Rookie, and other movies with sepia toned posters, Touchback tells the story of a would-be star athlete whose luck falls apart when he is injured during a high school game. Years later, he is magically transported back to the fateful game that wrecked his career. He must choose between the crummy life he has, for the one he always wanted. Just like when Jim Belushi had to choose between Linda Hamilton and Rene Russo in Mr. Destiny, except this time it's football and there's no Jon Lovitz. (Variety)
In my continued break down of the new fall TV shows where I tell you what to watch and what to skip, after debating lawyer shows last week, I am now taking a peek under the hood of the cop shows.
Never does a season go by on network television where a new cop show or two fails to debut. In fact, the cop show is the most popular TV longform genre in the history of da’ tube and this season is keeping the streak alive with a handful of police entries. Don’t get too excited, though. Only a couple of them are worth a glance.
WATCH IT: “Hawaii Five-0” (CBS), Mondays at 10 pm (ET)
Kevin Smith is rounding out Red State's cast of "well-known unknowns." He's already cast Michael Parks (who? Oh yeah. That guy.) to play the sadistic minister at the center of the story. Now there's news that a few other folks who you recognize from someplace may join the cast. Dermot Mulroney (About Schmidt), Stephen Root (Office Space), Kyle Gallner (Nightmare On Elm Street remake), Melissa Leo ("Treme"), and Michael Angarano (Gentleman Broncos) are contemplating taking roles in the horror film.
I'm not sure all these people count as unknowns. Dermot Mulroney and Stephen Root are pretty well-accomplished. Root starred on a popular sitcom for five years, and has appeared in over 150 projects. And some would argue that Dermot Mulroney is the most famous Dermot in America, nay, on the Planet Earth. (The Wrap)
Director Stephen Sommers may return for the proposed G.I. Joe sequel, Coming Soon is reporting…because they're obviously bored. Sommers, who directed G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra, would join Channing Tatum, who will reprise his role as Captain Duke Hause. Whooop-dee-do!
What is interesting, however, is that Rhett Reese and Paul Wernic, the writers behind Zombieland, are working on the script. This seems to indicate one of two things. Either the next G.I. Joe film will be a vast improvement over the original, or a certain pair of screenwriters are about to be exposed as frauds. Only time will tell.
Got to get tough, Reese and Wernic!
It looks like the second time's the charm for comedian Louie C.K. Collider is reporting that FX has renewed his show, "Louie", for another 13 episode season.
After striking out with his first sitcom, "Lucky Louie", C.K. has found a winning formula. Although "Louie" has been uneven and somewhat clunky, it seems to be getting better as it goes along. Besides, the show could consist of Louie C.K. sh*tting on a bunch of war orphans, and it would still be funnier than 99.9% of the crap on TV.
Ay ay ay! Will Ferrell's next movie will be entirely in Spanish….más o menos.
Easy there, Pat Buchanan. Don't move to Arizona and join the Minute Men just yet. It's not what it sounds like.
One of Will’s Funny or Die friends will direct the movie and from the way it’s being described, maybe we should all be picturing something along the lines of Conan O’Brien’s “Conando” sketches. It sounds like it could be a Spanish-language movie intended for an English speaking audience.
As a conosur of Telemundo, I think this film has a lot of potential. I can totally see Ferrell as a huge purple bug, or maybe dressed as an over-sized schoolboy complete with giant props. Throw in some dancing chicks and a hot weather girl, and you've got a cross-cultural blockbuster on your hands. (Cinema Blend)
Like I showed you with Tina Fey's 1995 bank commercial yesterday, we all start somewhere. Paul Rudd's entrancing air guitar solo at this bat mitzvah must have landed him the Josh role in Clueless. He quickly went from playing opposite an air guitar to playing opposite an airhead. I'm here all week, folks! Try the lobster! (BuzzFeed)
These links have become a woman.
'Sons of Anarchy' Cast On Emmy Snub: "F– 'Em" (TVSquad)
Meat Made The Human Race Smart (Asylum)
The Hidden Dangers Of Strip Clubs (HolyTaco)
81-Year-Old HS Sweetheart Reunion Is Cute, Kinda Gross (FilmDrunk)
Order Your Tie With A Twist (Maxim)
Reason #2398723432 Why I Don't Ride The Bus (BarStoolSports)
15 Videos Of People Getting Tasered (EgoTV)
Clooney's 'The American' Goes Back For Re-Shoots (Pajiba)
Where's Waldo In This Street Fighter Art Poster? (Unreality)
9 Vintage Basketball Sneakers (TotalProSports)
25 Totally Sweet 'Star Wars' Cakes (Smosh)
15,000 Fireworks Exploded At Once (BroBible)
Jessica Alba Shows Her Butt (CelebJihad)
Jessica Pene Doesn't Need A Gimmick To Kick Your Ass (CagePotato)
Christina Hendricks Loves Tight Clothing (PopEater)
Heal Fast Like A Vampire (MadeMen)
Sh*t or get off the pot, Cage. Deadline is reporting that Nicolas Cage is back on Trespass after recently quitting the Joel Schumacker-directed film. He originally signed on to play the kidnapped husband to the kidnapped Nicole Kidman. Then he wanted to play the kidnapper who kidnaps the married couple. Now he's back as the kidnapped husband again. Before production starts on August 30th, Cage is expected to quit two more times, return two more times, take over the kidnapped wife role, and kidnap the actual Nicole Kidman. Production will work around his schedule.
I didn't enjoy Inception as much as Peter Travers did. The action was great and the overall concept was enjoyable, but I didn't find the characters grounded enough to get hooked into. They definitely weren't as fleshed out as Scrooge McDuck. It's come to light today that Christopher Nolan, stealing stealer who steals, stole the plot to Inception from a Scrooge McDuck comic strip.
You'd think a zillionaire like Scrooge McDuck would have his mind trained against intruders entering his subconscious. And how do we know that Donald isn't actually Tom Hardy? God, this comic is such a mindf*ck. (via /Film)
A screening of Inception this past weekend turned into a reeeeeeeaaaaalllllll nightmare for Matthew Vaughn (crickets). Vaughn says that he was sunk when he saw Joseph Gordon-Levitt involved in a zero gravity fistfight because it was too similar to what they were planning to do with X-Men: First Class. The scene in question would feature James McAvoy's Professor X in "dream-space combat" with "spinning rooms and other physics-bending imagery," but now it's been torn from the script as Vaughn's team brainstorms a new set piece. "So it's either leave it in and look as if you're copying or change things. We completely ripped out about 12 pages of the script and the storyboards," commented Vaughn.
Whatever. It's an easy fix. Just set the fight in a bounce castle. Why waste time thinking and writing? They obviously learned nothing from the example set by X-Men 3. (LA Times)
WTF, Outer Limits?
MGM doesn't have enough dough to get another Bond film or The Hobbit off the ground, but that doesn't mean they can't revive a 1960s sci-fi series no one cares about. The broke Lion studio has hired Saw 4-7 writers Patrick Melton and Marcus Dunstan to pen a feature take on "The Outer Limits." This means they'll have to come up with a way to scare audiences that doesn't involve an elaborate Rube Goldberg-esque death trap strapped to someone's extremities. Or maybe they won't.
MGM admits that the two writers were paid just weeks ago but insists they were hired well before the studio went into the shitter. If they paid these guys 500k just a few weeks ago where did they come up with the money and why isn't that lion's legs broken yet? I hope he's turning tricks on a street corner in something form-fitting. Tom Sizemore is cruising around Hollywood right now looking for "a different kind" of prostitute. (Variety)
While my boss rightfully makes fun of me for going to see Step Up 3D, Sharni Vinson, another hot chick from down under, definitely deserves the girl gallery treament. Sharni may not yet possess the acting talent to support an entire movie, but she does have the moves to keep us wanting for more. The 3D doesn't hurt matters either.
A word from Sharni: "Though I have no experience dancing in 3D, I did the best I could."
I've heard dancing in 3D is much like regular dancing, considering life is lived in 3D.
More pics of fly Sharni after the jump…
It seems a little convenient that the Eva Mendes sex tape just happened to hit the internet the very week her film The Other Guys opens in theaters. I feel like she's been keeping this one in her pocket for awhile now and the big guns at Sony persuaded (forced) her to release it on the world. We've all demanded it for years, and now it's finally here. Enjoy, Internet.
Check out the sticky tape after the jump…