A Moment of Eloquence With Denis Leary – Watch more Funny Videos Denis Leary is known for his potty mouth, and his show "Rescue Me" on FX about New York City firefighters is the perfect forum for his tirades. The above montage exemplifies the eloquence of the program, stringing together the terms c*ck, balls, tits, bl*w jobs, and balls again in a profound fashion. If Shakespeare was around to witness this evolution, I'm pretty sure he'd throw up in his mouth. And Leary would give him sh*t for it. Laugh your balls off when the sixth season of "Rescue Me" premieres next Tuesday June 29th on FX at 10PM/9C.
Leandro Braga, the man behind the Tarantino vs. Coen Brothers Mashup, is at it again, now pitting Stanley Kubrick and Martin Scorsese against one another. This visual feast for the eyes and brains and hearts took 25 days to complete and is comprised of footage from 34 of the directors' films. My favorite part is 2:25 in when Joe Pesci and Peter Sellers have a "funny" exchange. Good thing Pesci's not in stabbing distance.
Strange news this morning that there has been a Fanboys-related success story. The film's writer, Ernie Cline, received six-figures last week for his novel "Ready Player One." Now, just a few days later, he's stacked up another six-figures of sweet, sweet Warner Bros. bucks in exchange for the film rights.Ready Player One tells the story of a teen who competes in a virtual treasure hunt after the creator of an immersive online world passes away and leaves his fortune as the grand prize. It's said to be a mix of Avatar, The Matrix, and Charlie And The Chocolate Factory. So expect hair-sex, gun-play, and obese children. In other words, it's like one of Andy Dick's pool parties. (Variety)
Scream 4's cast continues to grow with the news that Anthony Anderson and Marielle Jaffe have signed on to be chased around with a knife. Anderson has some experience with scary movies having showed up for a paycheck in Urban Legends: Final Cut, Scary Movie 3, and Scary Movie 4, but Jaffe is new to the genre. And most genres. The model turned actress turned my new obsession has only two film credits to her name — Percy Jackson and the upcoming Locked Away.It's not yet confirmed which characters they will play, but it's believed Jaffe will portray a sexy teen while Anderson will fill the part of Black Guy Who Shout-Speaks How Black Characters In Horror Films Behave. Though in all fairness, if you watch this movie in Times Square, the guy sitting behind you will do the same thing. (EW)
Do you like horror films? Do you like 80's Nostalgia? Do you like big boobs?If you answered yes to any of these questions, good news: "Elvira's Movie Macabre" is returning to the small screen. Everyone's favorite large-chested lady-ghoul is back, and will once again begin hosting her weekly horror program this fall.The show, which began in 1981, was a blatant "Vampira" knock off. But because Elvira, played by Cassandra Peterson, showed such wonderful cleavage, no one seemed to mind. Here's hoping that legend about vampires aging slowly is true, because those same cleavage shots won't be so wonderful if they stretch all the way to her kneecaps. (Dread Central)
We have to use a camcorder on our own TVs? Did we lose a friggen war, or something?A television spot for Predators has hit the airwaves, and if you're in to poorly dubbed video segments recorded with a camcorder, then we've got the clip for you!The spot, which is airing on Spike, features decloaking Predators, strange, four-legged animals, and a giant, hook-nosed bird-creature played by Adrian Brody. He must have spent hours in the makeup chair to look that menacing. (Dead Central)See the new Predators TV trailer after the jump.
DreamWorks has released the first promotional still for Puss in Boots, the planned spin-off/prequel of the Shrek films. The studio also unveiled a new website for the film, which is scheduled for release in November of 2011.In the film, Antonio Banderas reprises his role as Puss, the smooth-talking cat adventurer. He is joined by Zach Galifianakis, who will play Humpty Dumpty, and Salma Hayek, who will play Kitty, a street-savvy cat with eight enormous, tan-colored breasts, each more beautiful than the last. (Collider)
The "Sad Keanu" meme has taken the Internet by storm. But who has time to sift through the thousands of pics of sad Keanu Reeves to find the real gems?Thanks to Screen Junkies (and whoever made this video), you don't have to! Now you can sit back, relax and watch the best of the "Sad Keanu" goodness come to you, all while listening to a parody of a the Plain White Ts "Hey There Delilah." What an age we live in!Enjoy "Hey There Keanu," the "Sad Keanu" meme compilation video, after the jump.
Oh herro, Korea!
Toy Story 3 lead the box office this weekend, bringing in an estimated $109 million. It was the largest opening ever for a Pixar film and the third largest opening so far in 2010.The success of Toy Story should come as no surprise to anyone who pays attention to movie trends. The box office numbers simply prove what we here at Screen Junkies have known for years: kids love Tim Allen. (Coming Soon)
It's a good thing Jonah Hex can communicate with the dead, because his new movie was D.O.A. this weekend, earning a meager $5.1 million at the box office. The film came in eighth place, well behind the Jonah Hill comedy, Get Him to the Greek, which earned a fourth place finish with $6.1 million.The fact that Get Him to the Greek is entering its third week adds insult to injury, considering the amount of hype Warner Bros. put behind this weekend's Hex premiere. Not to mention the fact that the widely panned Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time was considered box-office poison just a few weeks ago, but now looks like Avatar by comparison, edging out Hex with $5.2 million in its fourth week. (Coming Soon)
Hey Fellas, here's some news that may or may not affect you, depending on your taste in women and movies. Amanda Bynes announced over Twitter yesterday that she's had it with being an actress:Amanda tweeted, "I’ve never written the movies & tv shows I’ve been apart of I’ve only acted like the characters the producers or directors wanted me to play. Being an actress isn’t as fun as it may seem. If I don’t love something anymore I stop doing it. I don’t love acting anymore so I’ve stopped doing it.”“I know 24 is a young age to retire but you heard it here first I’ve #retired,” she added.Amanda stars in the upcoming Easy A with Emma Stone, and then I guess it's donesies for her. We reported earlier that she's been cast in the new Farrelly Brothers comedy Hall Pass alongside Owen Wilson and Jenna Fischer, but maybe the Farrellys drove her into retirement. A prosthetic penis prank was probably the straw that broke the camel's back. (GossipTeen)
Columbia Pictures has released the poster for David Fincher's new film The Social Network. Jesse Eisenberg plays Mark Zuckerberg, the co-founder of Facebook, alongside Justin Timberlake, Andrew Garfield, and Joe Mazello. The film's subject material differs from Fincher's usual M.O., so I'm very curious to see how he tackles "Pokes" and "Add a Friend." Social networking is a far cry from the backwards-aging man of Benjamin Button and the strap-on knife dildo of Se7en. But then again, I guess it all depends on who you follow. (/Film)
C'mon dude, don't add another option.Here are your weekend links.Listening To Opera: Surest Sign You're A Psychopath (Moviefone)Worst Walken Impressions (Asylum)Vatican Recogizes 'Blues Brothers' as Catholic Film (PopEater)New Pictures From 'The Rum Diary' (FilmDrunk)25 Pics Of Girls We Never Saw In School (HolyTaco)A Wicked Gallery Of Wizard Of Oz Fan Art (Unreality)Japanese Porn Star Offers Sex To Make Amends (BroBible)Bungee Jump Fail (TotalProSports)Check Her Out: Karen Gillan (Maxim)Gina Carano's 'Haywire' To Drop In January 2011 (CagePotato)Hayden Panettiere Is One Sexy Dude In A Bikini (CelebJihad)20 Super Super Mario Paintings (Smosh)Washed-Uppiest Actor-Athletes In Professional Sports Films (Pajba)Father's Day At The Reservoir (Atom)Davone Luxury Modern Speakers (MadeMan)
I'm Jake! Howdy, howdy, howdy!
You got a problem, Judd?Leslie Mann is taking a Business Trip. The italics mean that's the title of a movie in which I'm slyly reporting she is attached to star. Actresses don't go on business trips, you guys. Unless they're also an entrepreneur of some sort. But that isn't the case in this instance.Mann's husband, super-producer Judd Apatow, will super-produce the film about "three women who go on a corporate trip but wind up doing anything but business while on company time." Yep. Drugs and sex. With their girl parts, which I hear from my older brother are pretty awesome. Or so he heard. (Vulture)
We're through the looking glass here, people. Hustler has announced that their upcoming sexxed-up take on Avatar, entitled This Ain't Avatar XXX will be jamming more than ponytails into orifices in pants-swelling 3D. Though it's not the world's first porno (that distinction belongs to Octopussy 3D: A XXX Parody and Whorrie Potter and the Sorcerer's Balls), it will be Hustler's most expensive.This idea scares the crap out of me. I really don't want to be naked except for a pair of 3D glasses. That's a rule that I've set for my life and one that I don't intend to break. It's on my bucket list of things not to do. And what would happen if you cross your eyes while wearing those things?!! I don't know and don't want to know!! (Huffington Post)
Disney is snatching up original pitches, and this latest one is a guaranteed homerun and/or strikeout. It comes from Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps scribe Allan Loeb with Bradley Cooper attached to star. THR has the stats:The dramedy centers on a baseball player who gets injured and has to go back to the minors where the only place he can find lodging is in a senior citizens' home. There, he meets an old baseball guru who helps lead him back.Does the film take place in a futuristic world where studio apartments with a partial view don't exist? Or does the stench of death drive the character's desire to succeed? I'm going to need a lot of logistics answered to step up to the plate for this one. For example, how many baseball puns can I use in one post before it starts to smell fowl? Ah sh*t, that's the wrong kind of fowl. I really fouled that one up. **Removes jock strap from head and cap from groin**
This video is called Scarface in 5 Seconds but it's a lie. Regardless, it gave me the giggles and warrants repeat viewings. Apparently it's been around awhile but I haven't seen it so let's all pretend that it's new, like Ricky Martin's homosexuality. Pssst, Ricky. We knew. We knew. (DreadCentral)
Lauren German is a hot female movie heroine but with balls to boot, as she demonstrats in Hostel Part 2 when she cuts off a guy's balls. Catch her now on TV's "Happy Town" while ABC runs out the remaining episodes. A word from Lauren: "A drink offer is like a contract—it doesn’t mean you have to sleep with someone, but it does obligate you to talk to them."AND pretend be interested. Don't just like eye the bar for superior company or IM your friends about the loser you're talking to. We know, okay. And it hurts. Brush up on your German after the jump.
After the excitement, confusion, and downright insanity of the legend that is Jacques D'Azur, an heir has finally been found. Amid extreme secrecy, Stella Artois 4% whisked him away to the Cannes Film Festival in order to represent his surrogate father. After a quick make over, Junior D'Azur (as we're calling him), dove straight into all that Cannes had to offer; enjoying leisurely speedboat rides, extravagant parties, and dinning in the best restaurants, setting the Mediterranean city alight with rumours of a new 'man of mystery'. In the first few days of settling into his newfound 'life of luxury', Junior D'Azur was tailed by a camera crew, and highlights of their time with him were recently released to the public. To prove that an heir exists? To profile a man whom some say could become the next Jacques D'Azur? Or just to make the rest of us jealous? Either way, Stella Artois 4% has given us a glimpse into the glamorous world of the Cannes Film Festival, and shown a man unflinching in his ability to enjoy the finer things in life. Wherever Jacques is (or isn't), we bet he's smiling and raising a toast to Junior D'Azur's future adventures. We'll keep you posted! Check out highlights from Cannes after the jump!
FIGHT!! FIGHT!! FIGHT!!The threat of seeing a Seth Rogen topless scene has been squashed… for now. Last we heard about McG's This Means War was that Seth Rogen and Chris Pine were up to play two former spies who destroy New York City while fighting for the hand of Reese Witherspoon. Now there's news that Chris Pine is on-board and Rogen is out, with the part now being offered to Sam Worthington.I think this could be pretty interesting casting. Worthington has mastered squinting in front of a green-screen, so let's see what he does with a comedy. Though, I am a little worried for Sam. He's making far too many movies and I'm afraid he's not getting enough sleep. How is he supposed to deal with the strain of keeping an American accent if his tongue doesn't get enough rest? (Vulture)
Adorable Rachel McAdams has agreed to work with the very fly, fresh, cool Channing Tatum in The Vow, a love story that sounds exactly like the Adam Sandler comedy 50 First Dates. What, you don't believe me? Tell 'em, THR!"Vow" tells the real-life story of a newlywed New Mexico couple, played by McAdams and Tatum, who end up in a car crash. The wife is put in a coma, where she is cared for by her devoted husband. When she comes to, without any memory of her husband or their marriage, the husband woos her and attempts to wins her heart again.See! It's just like 50 First Dates, except without Rob Schneider in a mop wig. The project has been in development for more than a decade, but 50 First Dates came out six years ago, which is like four scores in Hollywood time, so the moment to strike is NOW. They could have at least turned the idea on its ear and put the husband in a coma. Tatum in a vegetative state would have been the wish fulfillment film of the decade.
King Kong comes to Bangladesh in search of love, and takes it by force. Not unlike my night out at the LAX club last Saturday. I'm totally kidding, you guys! She was begging for it… (FilmDrunk)
We've previously reported that James Franco would be mandhandled by damn, dirty ape paws in the Planet of the Apes prequel Rise of the Apes. Today, there are more casting rumors floating around. Bloody Disgusting reports that offers have been made to Don Cheadle and Freida Pinto to join the fight against the CGI simians. There's no specifics offered about which roles the actors are being offered, but their presence alone should be enough to excite audiences. This project looks like it's really shaping up. And judging by this advance artwork I found, it's going to be a little bit of a madcap romp.
Dead in the water."True Blood" star Alexander Skarsgard is on board for the upcoming Universal film, Battleship. Skarsgard joins Taylor Kitsch in the adaptation of the iconic strategy game.To many, making a movie about a nautical-themed board game might seem a tad stupid. But for all you skeptics, there's one thing you should know. An "alien invasion" element has been added to the plot.Wow. It's beyond mockery. Congrats, Universal. You sunk my sarcasm. (Coming Soon)
I bet he's never heard an 'ass bender" joke before. I'm so clever!Michael Fassbender has been confirmed as Magneto in Fox’s upcoming prequel, X-Men: First Class. Fassbender will star along side James McAvoy who is already cast to play a young Charles Xavier.For those of you who don't know, Magneto (a.k.a. Eric Lensherr) was not always a villain, and was once good friends with Xavier. However, after a tragic fraternity hazing mishap involving a broom handle left Xavier confined to a wheel chair, the two became bitter rivals. (Cinema Blend)
Have you ever wondered what it'd be like if a major rap star decided to make a song about an HBO show and then posted the video on the internet? Well wonder no more friend, cause Snoop Dogg has got you covered. The legendary rapper's new music video, "Oh Sookie," has hit the interwebs. Set in Bon Temps, the song features characters from HBO's hit show, "True Blood," including everyone's favorite "Fang Banger," Sookie Stackhouse. While making a video based on a TV show might not be considered "gangsta," at least Snoop isn't stooping to Ice Cube-levels with a crappy sitcom on TBS (Very Funny…but not "Ha Ha funny…funny sad). Watch Snoop Dogg perform "Oh Sookie" after the jump.
Who better to convince children to rat on their touchy-feely parents than a trio of demonic dolls? Then the kids go cry to daddy about the scary puppets on TV and they get the belt again. Some marketing guru didn't think this PSA through very well.Don't make me tell you twice to click these links.What Do Comic Fans Think Of 'Jonah Hex' (Moviefone) 13-Foot Stay Puft Marshmallow Man Costume (Asylum) John Morris, The Voice of Andy In 'Toy Story' Speaks (PopEater) James Franco Really Likes Gay Stuff (FilmDrunk) Smoking Hot Marisa Miller Pictures (HolyTaco) "That Guy" Actor Of The Week: Joe Flaherty (Unreality) 10 Great Spoofs of the 'Psycho' Shower Scene (BroBible) Tiger Woods Love Child (TotalProSports) Hot California Gurls Pictures (Maxim) Rampage Blames Loss To Rashad (CagePotato) Justin Bieber Chatroulette (CelebJihad) 10 People You Don't Want At Your Pool Party (Smosh) The Pajiba 10 (1992 Edition) (Pajiba) Swat-Stickas (Atom) Anarchy In A Jam Jar (MadeMan) 5 People You Will Meet At The Beach This Summer (RegretfulMorning)
In his version of 3D, audiences walk out with a black eye.Martin Scorsese's next project is a 3D adaptation of Brian Selznick's novel The Invention of Hugo Cabret. The director has been quoted in the past saying that he doesn't like 3D just for 3D's sake, meaning stuff flying at your face is bunk, but it seems Scorsese has quickly changed his tune. According to his longtime editor Thelma Schoonmaker, who recently spoke to a masterclass at Aruba International Film Festival, Scorsese is all about getting up in your face with his film now:“Scorsese is in love with [3D]. He looked at Avatar and Alice [in Wonderland] and Scorsese didn’t feel that the 3D he saw was as interesting as in the old ones like Dial M for Murder and House of Wax. He’s decided he wants to be stronger with 3D to make it jump out at you. He’s going to go a little bit further with it.”Daaaaaaaamn, Marty. You dissed Cameron and Burton in one fell swoop. Actually your editor did by proxy, so maybe you should consider putting a muzzle on her.The Invention of Hugo Cabret is written by John Logan (Gladiator, Aviator) and stars Ben Kingsley, Sacha Baron Cohen, Asa Butterfield, and Chloe Moretz. It's Scorsese's first foray into 3D, and he's extremely excited about molding the technology to his very specific stylings. I'm personally jazzed to see this one on December 9th of next year. Even though it's a family film, I've read the book and can confirm that if you possess a soul you're guaranteed a whimsical good time. If you don't have a soul, you can proceed with killing helpless small animals in your mother's garden. (/Film)