Forget about all the other stuff Marley Shelton has done, most importantly she was the hot lifeguard Wendy Peffercorn in the awesome movie The Sandlot. That film taught me to NEVER hit a ball over into James Earl Jones' yard. He'll rape you, kill you, and bury you in the crawl space in his basement. Wait, that's the The Sandlot, right? A word from Marley: "See how fast my friends work…….you'll never see me again……"Marley must hang out with a rogue band of sorcerers and magicians. That's a rough group, let me tell you. I never messed with those guys in high school. Their lunch table always smelt like burnt hair.I bet Marley smells like roses in the pics after the jump.
We're making money right now. Hahahaha! Adam Sandler and the rest of his friends are starring in the movie Grown Ups, adapted from a Dockers commercial. I'm sure a lot will get lost in translation though, like the humor, so we'll have to watch a bunch of formerly hilarious comedians fishing instead of personable model-types. In all honesty though, why the hell wouldn't this group make this movie? They're guaranteed sh*tloads of benjamins, and they get to hang out, laugh, and swing from ropes all day. Sure, Chris Farley is throwing a tantrum in heaven over the sight of Kevin James playing a role clearly intended for him, but I think we all know digitally placing him in the film wouldn't have worked out any better. The ground breaking concept of Grown Ups is about five good friends reuniting for a Fourth of July holiday weekend thirty years after their high school graduation. No, it's not The Big Chill. I know, but no. Check out the teaser trailer after the jump.
Director: Dennis DuganCast: Adam Sandler, Selma Hayek, David Spade, Chris Rock, Kevin James, Rob SchneiderSynopsis: Thirty years after their high school graduation, five good friends reunite for a Fourth of July holiday weekend.
Hollywood has made a habit of remaking foreign horror films these last few years. Studios have searched the corners of the globe to make movies such as The Ring, Quarantine, and Let Me In. But there is one nation that has been left unexplored — Canada. I've stumbled upon the trailer for a Canadian horror film so ghastly and terrifying that it will make you LOSE. YOUR. MIND. There's no release date yet for this northern gem but I'm sure it's going to be packed full of either sh*t or danger. My gut is tellin' me danger. In honor of today being Friday the 13th, I present Sexman VS. Jason Part 2. Make sure you watch all the way to the end.
Back in September, Sylvester Stallone announced that he'd be going toe-to-toe with a were-beast super soldier hybrid in the fifth Rambo film. Fan reaction was not so good. In fact, Stallone wrote this impassioned letter in defense of this departure in creative direction. Well all that doesn't matter now because Stallone is taking the cheaper way out and hiring Mexican day laborers to play the heavies in the film.Addressing fans at StalloneZone, the actor said:"To all the loyal SZoners out there,I'm letting you know that Rambo has changed course and the story about hunting the man/beast will be done using another character in the lead. RAMBO himself will be heading over the border to a violent city where many young women have vanished.There will be blood.""There will be blood." Haha. I think it's cute when old people use the Internet. (StalloneZone)
Million Dollar Baby in 5 Seconds – Watch more Funny VideosThe guys at Holy Taco shared this with me, and it's so damn funny I had to post it as well. If you know how the movie ends, watch it. If you don't know how the movie ends, watch it. You'll giggle and probably tinkle in your pants a little.Train your index finger by clicking on these links. Flowchart to Determine If You Should Fap To It (HolyTaco) Macho Man Randy Savage Interviews (TotalProSports) Barcode Art That Actually Works (TheChive) 10 Funniest Movie Marquee Mistakes of All Time (SuperTremendous) Iguanas & Breakdancing: The Bad Lieutenant Review (FilmDrunk) 10 Boneheaded Hollywood Projects in Development (Pajiba) Britney Spears Admits to Worshiping the Devil (CelebJihad) 50 Worst Acted One-Liners in Video Game History (Unreality) What Actor Do You Hate the Most? (Asylum) Brooke Hundley Cries Like a Little C-Word (BustedCoverage) Hot Girl Vs. Hardwood Floor (RegretfulMorning) Adventure Sports That Take You Places (MadeMan) Earnhardt Jr. at Country Music Awards (AllLeftTurns)
Honka. Honka.Crazy landmark-destruction fetishist Roland Emmerich wants to return to his earlier hit Independence Day for not one, but TWO sequels. So that's at least $24 I'll be saving by staying the f*ck home.Emmerich tells MTV that they don't have a script but they do have an idea. But it's really two ideas because they want the story to be told over the course of two really bad movies. And of course he wants to title them both ID4-Ever. Though he wasn't forthcoming with plot details (who needs one really?), let's put on our retard caps and try to figure it out for ourselves. Here's the entire films in a nutshell.WILL SMITH: "Hey! You Independence Day aliens quit blowing up the White House. We just rebuilt it. That's a direct order from President Will Smith!! Cuz I'm President now!!! Aw hell naw!!! You're not half as friendly as the Scientology aliens!"(MTV)
Dane Cook has raised a big question mark in the world of Batman. In case you were wondering, he wouldn't mind being The Riddler in the next caped crusader movie. Talking to MTV, Cook said, “I love the new Dark Knight series and Batman Begins. If they brought back The Riddler—a new Riddler the way they did with The Joker—that would be bad-ass. I would do that." Really, you'd accept that roll, Dane Cook? They wouldn't have to twist your arm until you scream out, "Why does twisting someone's arm hurt so much?! They're all like Eeeeeeeeeee, that hurts! And you're like (maniacal cackle) HAHAHAAHAHAHA! I'm gonna twist your arm!" When asked about what kind of Riddler he would be, he stated that he thought he could do something like The Crow but “still comedic.” With a comparison like that, he's leaving himself open to a lot of jokes from bloggers. For example, someone could say, "Why don't you make like The Crow and accidently get shot in the face." I'M not saying that, but someone could. (CinemaBlend)
I thought this was a Halloween photo but no one else is dressed up. Fellas, at first you'll be pissed when your girlfriend series records MTV's Jersey Shore on your DVR (which she will undoubtedly do). Don't be. The show is AMAZING. I was lucky enough to catch the first episode and I can say that it has actually improved my life. It gave me the greatest gift of all. The gift of feeling superior to total strangers. Does it feature stereotypes? Sure. Is it trashy? Uh-huh. Are there stained pits? Undoubtedly. Do they have a duck-shaped telephone? They do. It's unintentional comedy at its finest with the punchlines polished an unsettling shade of fake tan. Easily the best show that MTV has ever aired. Tune in December 3rd. Your life will thank you.
In Fantastic Mr. Fox, cinema auteur Wes Anderson has decided to take his uniquely composed wide shots and apply them to the world of stop motion animal puppets. He still couldn't part with at least one brother Wilson and Jason Schwartzman, but this time they merely provide the voices for their underground dwelling characters. It's sure to be one heck of a good twitchy, off-putting, imaginative caper with enough George Clooney charm to spare.
The iconic MGM Lion may end up with a new home. Variety reports that the troubled film company is trying to relieve it's burdensome $3.7 billion dollar debt. It's likely that the company will go to auction. Meaning that majors could buy up the various assets part and parcel. One deal could be made for the famous logo another the massive 4,000 film library and another for United Artists. I'm certainly no business expert but I think a wise move would be to release a bothersome honeybee into the auction room. Once those execs start swatting at it, the bids will just climb and climb. $$$$ (Variety)
James Franco General Hospital Promo – Watch more Funny VideosJames Franco does what he wants, and he don't give a sh*t about what you think. Star in a superhero movie? Done. Take a hiatus from Hollywood and work on a degree from Columbia University? Done. Be an assassin in a daytime soap opera? DONE. That's right, starting November 20th you can catch James Franco starring in General Hospital as a badass professional killer. The secret to life? Anyone can die at anytime…by the hands of the Franco.Check out these links before Franco ends you. Who Would Survive the Apocalypse (HolyTaco) The Fastest Soccer Goal Ever (TotalProSports) Random Sexy Athletes (TheChive) Faces of 'Old Dogs' (FilmDrunk) 15 Amazing Futuristic City Building Designs (SuperTremendous) Your Cinematic Legacy (Pajiba) Keanu Reeves is Immortal (CelebJihad) 15 Badass Etch A Sketch Drawings (Unreality) Who Should be the Next Victoria's Secret Model? (Asylum) The Green Bay Packers Cheesehead Hulk (BustedCoverage) Rear Naked Choke…with Women (RegretfulMorning) How to Mix a Margarita (MadeMan) A Dog's Thoughts on NASCAR (AllLeftTurns) Cop Shoots Other Cop in the Back (NothingToxic) Star Wars Gangsta Rap (Atom)
Bad news for people who stay in on Friday nights. The FOX mind-wipe melodrama Dollhouse has been put out to pasture. Show creator Joss Whedon commented on his site,"I'm extremely proud of the people I've worked with: my star (Eliza Dushku), my staff, my cast, my crew. I feel the show is getting better pretty much every week, and I think you'll agree in the coming months. I'm grateful that we got to put it on, and then come back and put it on again. You seem cool. Do you want to get coffee sometime? Hey! I know you're just pretending to be distracted by your phone. You're just like all the others!!"FOX plans to air all 13 episodes of the show's second season and give Whedon the chance to go out with a bang.When reached for comment, the Richest Man On Television, Simon Cowell had this to say:Oh, real mature, Simon. Real mature. (THR)
Cameron Richardson played one of Vince's many flings on Entourage, the lucky bastard. Dr. House also got to touch her, but that was under circumstances that weren't quite as sexy. Who am I kidding, she still looked hot in a hospital gown. A word from Cameron: "I was in Vancouver. It was cold. I felt a vibration…"Let your imagination take it from there. My version is for me, and only me.Use the pics after the jump if you don't have an imagination.
Shaun Levy decided to take a break from Stillers, museums, and all around family fun to direct a case of mistaken identity in Date Night, or the unofficial sequel to Adventures in Babysitting. Steve Carell and Tiny Fey star as a bored married couple whose attempt at a glamorous and romantic evening turns into something involving thrills, spills, and dinosaurs. Crap, wait, no dinosaurs in this one. But Nickelback does provide the music for the trailer. Damn you Levy, just when we think you've changed your ways, you go and use a Nickelback song. Regardless, the film looks like it could be rather funny, and Carell and Fey could give Grant and Hepburn a run for their money. If they weren't dead. Check out all the zany mayhem after the jump.
Forbes reports that Simon Cowell is stacking that cheddar, son. Oh sorry. That wasn't Forbes. That was 4BZ, my rap-loving neighbor. What Forbes actually said is that British grump Simon Cowell is the top-earning man on U.S. television with an estimated income of $75 million dollars last year. WOW.Coming in second place is Donald Trump with an estimated $50 million. Question. Why can't the two wealthiest men on television afford a decent haircut? (THR)
Who needs coffee in the morning when you can inject the Clash of the Titans teaser trailer into your eyeballs?! Holy crap, I am pumped! I was hoping for giant scorpians or mutant sand-people, but I never expected both. Not to mention all the leaping. I don't think I've ever seen so much leaping and bounding in one single minute. Sam Worthington jumps into canyons, over canyons, around canyons, and there's usually fire trailing him. The official synopsis for the film is that it follows Perseus on his quest to battle Medusa and the Kraken in order to save the Princess Andromeda. Hey, whatever, there's rock music accompanied by a symthony orchestra. It's really the only way to score a brutal battle between the Gods. And if I'm not mistaken, is that Slash playing in the desert?
If you're having trouble deciding what to dress up as this Thanksgiving, the Kick-Ass teaser has debuted just in time with ample options. The movie follows Aaron Johnson's Kick-Ass, a DIY hero who lacks superpowers but carries two big sticks. Also glimpsed in this trailer are Chloe Moretz as Hit Girl, Nicolas Cage as Big Daddy, and McLovin as Red Mist. I'm hoping this movie is as good as everyone purports it to be. As of right now, I am worried that we've got another Zombieland on our hands.Check out the trailer after the jump.
Up in the Air Co-Pilot Trailer – Watch more Movie Trailers An extended trailer for Jason Reitman's Up In The Air is now online and, sadly, it has nothing to do with Kevin Bacon scouting the Masai for kick-ass basketball players. But fear not, fans of slight racism, it does include George Clooney's tips for traveling. For instance, you should never get in a security line behind old people due to their love for hidden metals. The Asians on the other hand are your best option because of their efficient packing methods and penchant for slip-on shoes. God love them indeed. Click on these links. If you're old, you'll want to use the "mouse" device to do so. 10 Best TV Neighbors (HolyTaco) Jenn Sterger is Getting Rid of Her Money-Makers (TotalProSports) Sooo, You Got Wasted (TheChive) No One Can tell Twilight Douches Apart (FilmDrunk) When a Parrot Loves a Bunny (SuperTremendous) 5 Breakfast Cereals Meant for Adaptation (Pajiba) Lohan Was Dating Ledger When He Died (CelebJihad) When Patrick Stewart Invades Everything (Unreality) Does Maybe Really Mean No? (Asylum) 7 Greatest Lingerie Football Photo Crops of 2009 (BustedCoverage) If Children Created Swine Flu Cures (RegretfulMorning) How to De-Stress at Work (MadeMan) Flowchart: Is NASCAR For You? (AllLeftTurns)
What Len Wiseman most likely did this past weekend: watched Mad Max while saying "Awesome" several times, banged his wife Kate Beckinsale, drove really fast, and had a brilliant idea to direct a new take on a post- apocalyptic thriller. Hmmmmmmmm did one of these things influence this "original" idea, Len? Wiseman, director of Underworld, Live Free Or Die Hard, and several other movies that are currently floating in the studio system ether, has become attached to the FOX project Nocturne. It's about a group of people who survive the end of the world and the mystery surrounding how they got through it. Goodness gracious, how do they come up with this stuff? Rod Serling was squeezing these concepts out into a toilet bowl half a century ago.Writers Jeremy Passmore and Andre Fabrizio have already completed a draft of the script, and FOX has already told them to blow. Maybe they'll get Roland Emmerich on board to rewrite the script. He'll alter the concept slightly and turn it into an alien invasion movie. FOX will poor millions into production, market it, release it, and on opening night it'll suddenly hit them. "Sh*t, we just remade Independence Day!"It'll make millions. Len Wiseman will laugh. And bang his wife Kate Beckinsale.
Beatrice Rosen is French. Sexy right? I bet you couldn't tell that from her photo. You might also recognize her as Bruce Wayne's preeminent ballerina date in The Dark Knight. Don't get confused, she played a Russian. A word from Beatrice: "In this first series, Commando Nanny, I had one of the lead roles. But ultimately fate didn’t allow this show to make it.No, Commando Nanny?! Oh come on, that premise sounds awesome! Its downfall was most likely do to a competing project that year: Green Beret Butler.Salute more pics after the jump. Yes, like that.
Yeesh. So many Spiderman 4 rumors going around lately that I feel like I'm enrolled at Spiderman Regional High. We recently told you that Dylan Baker would be returning to the role of Dr. Curt Connors. That lead to speculation that the Lizard would finally metamorph onto the big screen. And now the latest rumors have Rachel McAdams (or maybe Romola Garai) being considered to play the Black Cat in the webslinger's fourth flick. Please bear in mind that NONE of this news is official. Though I'm sure everyone would be excited to see McAdams don the pleather.Honestly though, I wish the rumor mill would cease. If so many people continue to go in and out of Spiderman, soon it's going to be more than his spidey sense that's tingling. And the school nurse doesn't have a lotion for that. Trust me… (First Showing)
Oh hell yes, Will Smith. Oh hell yes. Pull the scissors away from your tongue, they'll be no self-mutilation for you. The Steven Spielberg directed, Will Smith starring remake of Old Boy has hit a snag. The kind of snag that tears you open and you bleed out. Apparently producers Dreamworks and Mandate couldn't reach an agreement as they strived to get the rights to the original manga, and both parties decided to say f*ck it. Except Spielberg said it with a bit of a lisp, and Smith just shook his head with a pained expression.Regardless of how it went down, fans of the original film can rejoice. Plans for an inevitabley watered-down Hollywood remake are dead. Sometimes dark, violent, complex, and intriguing foreign projects are too good for this Western world. You may have won this time, Japan. But don't you worry, we'll turn another one of your movies into popcorn bullsh*t reeeeeal soon, ya heard?! (CinemaBlend)
Looks like Roland Emmerich is at it again. Of course, if you watch cable news like I do, the end of the world certainly looks inevitable. Perhaps Mr. Emmerich will be taken more seriously when he's called a Documentarian. At least that seems like a better title than "Prophet of Doom." Either way, he loves coming up with ways to destroy crap. But, in the interest of science, let's take a closer look at the potential ends of the world, as described by Nostradamus Roland Emmerich: Today's Marquee Links"I'm On A Boat" Celebration (Video)
(Photo credit: Patrick Schumacker)The Twitter phenom Sh*t My Dad Says is making the leap from the very small screen to the slightly larger screen. The uproarious tweets that relay the musings of a 73 year-old San Diego man have spawned a book deal and now a script commitment with CBS in the four months since its creation by ex-Holy Taco writer Justin Halpern. Halpern will be handling the writing duties along with former Screen Junkies writer Patrick Schumacker as they are supervised by Will & Grace creators David Kohan and Max Mutchnick.Today is a happy day here at Screen Junkies as two of our own leave the nest to enter a career where pants-wearing is an expectation. Patrick and Justin, keep an eye on the mail as I have sent each of you a copy of Dr. Seuss's "Oh, The Places You'll Go!"With my headshot tucked between the pages of course. (THR)
It's so great when celebrities act silly overseas for money. In the above commercial for Nespresso, George Clooney walks out of a shop and gets a piano dropped on his head by an off-screen Road Runner. He then travels to heaven and–wait, John Malkovich is dead?!Enjoy these links with a nice cup of coffee. Best Football Celebration Dances Ever (HolyTaco) Fight Breaks Out During High School Girls Soccer (TotalProSports) Ship Made from World Trade Center Steel (TheChive) Coolio Replaces DMX in MMA Fight (FilmDrunk) 15 Worst Bootleg DVD Covers of All Time (SuperTremendous) Top 8 Werewolf Movies of the Last 30 Years (Pajiba) Jessica Alba Gets a Spankin' (CelebJihad) There's a Calvin in All of Us (Unreality) Guys Don't Find Skinny Women Attractive (Asylum) Will Jenn Sterger eBay Her Breast Implants? (BustedCoverage) What Does Your Bar Tab Say About You? (RegretfulMorning) You're Dating a Gold Digger (MadeMan) Earnhardt Losing Streak Reaches 55 (AllLeftTurns) Women Freaks Out On Live TV (NothingToxic) Intercourse with a Vampire (Atom)
***Sigh*** When will Hollywood stop playing host to such vicious, celebratory depictions of retired-boxer-on-fish violence? The trailer for Broken Lizard's Slammin' Salmon easily sets the movement back at least 11 days. Maybe 12.Check it out after the jump and start picketing. Fish hooks aren't for fish! Fish hooks aren't for fish!
A restaurant staff must cater to the whims of an insane pugilist.
No man can resist a good catfight. It usually occurs when two, or God willing, multiple women desire the same thing, and a viscerale settlement of the dispute erupts through clawing and vicious tickling. In the case of the Garza Twins, the sisters both wanted a role in the comedy Transylmania, and when the director left the room at the audition they vied for it. And oh is the vieing sweet. Check out the blonde-on-blonde action after the jump. You can watch the trailer for Transylmania here, and even enter a contest where the winner gets to go out on a date with the Garza Twins. If you're lucky, at the end of night they'll be throwin' down over you. You can thank me with a video of the brawl. Transylmania opens December 4th.
Directors: David & Scott HillenbrandCast: Patrick Cavanaugh, James DeBello, Jennifer Lyons Synopsis: Spoof horror in which a group of college kids do a semester abroad in Romania and realise that if the partying doesn't kill them, the vampires just might!