We all know that Battlefield Earth is bad. Like, worse than stuff on Fox Family bad. In fact, it won the "Worst Movie of the Decade" Razzie this month. An award that screenwriter J.D. Shapiro showed up to pick up in person. In today's New York Post, Shapiro wrote an apology that's ten years overdue. Think of all the people who went to their graves without this much-needed mea culpa. He also provided some backstory to explain how the turd was squeezed onto screens. Naturally, his penis is to blame:It started, as so many of my choices do, with my Willy Wonker. It was 1994, and I had read an article in Premiere magazine saying that the Celebrity Center, the Scientology epicenter in Los Angeles, was a great place to meet women.So a grown man who refers to his penis as his Willy Wonker wanted to get some crazy tail and as a result was hired to write a $100 million movie. And that led to Forest Whitaker wearing dreadlocks and Travolta talking like a castmember of Zoobilee Zoo. Hooray for Hollywood.You can read Shapiro's full piece at the NY Post. But be warned, you'll have to grit your teeth and suffer through his jokes. They're worse than ours.
Jack didn't take it very well.FOX has decided to pull the plug on 24 after eight seasons. Climbing budgets, declining ratings, and writers being unable to figure out what the hell is left for Jack Bauer to save are the main reasons the show will air its final episode in May. NBC flirted with the idea of picking up 24 next season but after their accountants crunched the numbers they realized the content wasn't worth the cheddar.There's still the possibility of a 24 feature film that would take Jack Bauer to Europe, but there's also the possibility of an Arrested Development movie, and we all know how sluggishly that's been making its adaptation. I enjoyed 24 a great deal in its earlier years, but quickly got tired of the same "Tell me where the bomb is!" storyline week after week after week after week. It had a good run. I'm glad they're ending it before it jumps a terrorist shark strapped to the gills with C4. (THR)
The filthy hobo in the crowd made Howard's senses tingle.Here are your weekend links.Exclusive Kick-Ass Clip (Moviefone)What Not to Do in Tijuana (Asylum)Dennis Hopper Accepts Hollywood Star (PopEater)2010 Douchebag Trophy Presentation (HolyTaco)Toy Stormtroopers in Funny Situations (Unreality)Dirt Bike Glides on Water (TotalProSports)Ravishing Rock Chicks (Maxim)If Video Games Were Real (Smosh)Oil Sheik Purchases Victoria's Secret Models (CelebJihad)UFC 111 Weigh-In (CagePotato)Gerard Butler Career Assessment (Pajiba)Curb Your McConaughey (Atom)6 Places to Dump Your Girlfriend (MadeMan)Drivers Adjusting to Spoiler (AllLeftTurns)
"We're gonna need some bigger breasts."Look what you started, Adam Sandler. You gave Heidi Montag a cameo in Just Go With It and now she thinks she's Cecil B-Cup Demille. She tells People (or anyone else who will listen):“I am making the first 3D beach comedy about a shark that attacks a small beach town and I save the day with my 3D boobs. I’m now finally free to start my career and my new life as a female mogul in Hollywood! I’ve even written a role for Dolly Parton to play the town mayor!” Granted, it's a nice use of 3D but this movie is so insulting to victims of shark attacks and their families. If she could, I'm sure Bethany Hamilton would flip Heidi off with both middle fingers.
A teaser for The Other Guys hit ShoWest last week and now Yahoo has officially released it to people who aren't allowed back in Vegas, deeming it a "motion poster." Call me old fashioned, but I like a play and pause button on my media. Mark Wahlberg and Will Ferrell sliding across screen like a couple of bad ass cops is a damn fine thing to witness so enjoy the autoplay and autorepeat. Don't you DARE close that window until it's cycled at least 10 times. Check out the fancy, shmancy motion poster after the jump.
They're dogs…and they're dancing! If you like talking dogs and the above picture doesn't terrify you then the new trailer for Marmaduke might just be your cup of tea. The film features a ton of talent including Owen Wilson as Marmaduke, Lee Pace, Judy Greer, William H. Macy, Fergie, George Lopez, and Kiefer Sutherland. How is this the first time that Keifer Sutherland has played a Rottweiler? The man was practically born to voice that creature. …And drink. …And fight. He was born to voice a dog, drink, and fight. **cue Donald Sutherland facepalm** Hey kids, check out the Marmaduke trailer after the jump!
Have You Seen This Dapper Man?Cannes 1962. Jacques d'Azur gives some lucky lady the bedroom eyes.Legend of Cannes and a god among men Jacques d'Azur is missing and your help is desperately needed. The French film producer/director/actor/tennis player/chess master/backgammon champion/waterskiing pioneer and full time bon-vivant known for his work on the red carpets, swimming pools, and silk sheets of the French Riviera hasn't been seen since last week. Needless to say, his extremely wealthy family is distraught.Multi-tasking is Jacques Multi-Tasking d'Azur's middle name.
That's right. The most popular Halloween costume of 2009 (and would-be vice-leader of the free world) is joining the esteemed ranks of reality television. TLC has landed the Sarah Palin's "Alaska" reality series. In the eight episode series, Palin will show us her Alaska as well as take us inside her home. But knowing TLC this is all just a launchpad for a series about competitive moose-eating contests. I know how they think.Discovery Communications edged out rival A&E Networks for the show, with the remaining question being which of its suite of channels would air the program. Discovery Channel is considered the flagship brand, and certainly a home for travelogues, though the company felt Palin's appeal was better suited toward mom-friendly TLC. The network is best known for "Jon & Kate Plus Eight," and also airs "Cake Boss," "Little People, Big World" and "American Chopper." (THR)Seeing how being dumb on television launched Jessica Simpson and Snooki into super-stardom, my prediciton is we'll either see Palin in the White House or shilling for Carl's Jr as a result of this. Maybe both.
Smart move, Kid. I'm sure South Park won't take advantage of this.These links are for Gingers and normal people alike. Watch The World's Best Prom Now (Moviefone)Facebook May Help Spread Syphilis (Asylum)Bar Refaeli Grateful She's Away from Leo (PopEater)25 Babies with Laser Eyes (HolyTaco)Seth Meyers Discusses Will Forte's Boner Ghost (FilmDrunk)Five Crazy Rubik's Cube Videos (Unreality)48 Pics of UFC Ring Girl Arianny Celeste (TotalProSports)Divas of WWE (Maxim)17 Best Keep Out Signs Ever (Smosh)Miley Cyrus Spring Cleavage Coming in Nicely (CelebJihad)Georges St. Pierre and Frank Mir Talk UFC 111 (CagePotato)7 Best Theme Songs from Current TV Shows (Pajiba)Gigabots 2 (Atom)6 Essential Beer Cocktails (MadeMan)NASCAR Bathroom Prank (AllLeftTurns)25 Best Bachelor Frog Memes (RegretfulMorning)
Yeah, yeah, keep laughing asshole.Remember how you were complaining last Friday night about how ticket prices have gotten insanely expensive? Oh man…you are gonna be so mad about this news. Theater chains AMC, Regal, and Cinemark have decided to increase ticket prices for 3D shows an average of 20%.Before you get that look in your eye and a Louisville Slugger, you should know that the phenomenal success of Avatar and Alice in Wonderland is to blame. So when you're paying $20 for a seat in Clash of the Titans next weekend at AMC Loews Kips Bay don't wish bad tidings on the stout theater manager, but rather on yourself for going to see movies. You know, if you didn't like wearing silly glasses so much this wouldn't be an issue.Needless to say, we're going to have a lot of disappointed women on our hands when they realize that their dates can no longer afford an extravagent night out at the movies. Expect sexual bartering to rise by 20%. (Vulture)
Brothers is available on Blu Ray and DVD tomorrow, and Screen Junkies is giving away 5 copies! Watch the oddly similar looking Tobey Maguire and Jake Gyllenhaal deliver intense performances in glorious HD right in your dingy living quarters.All you have to do is post on the SJ Facebook fan page the funniest caption you can muster to accompany the still frame above.If you're not already awesome and a fan of Screen Junkies on Facebook then become one, post a caption, and you'll be entered to win. Click HERE to be whisked away to our Facebook page.Contest ends at 11:59pm on Friday, March 26, and the winner will be announced on Monday, March 29, via Facebook, Twitter and on the site.You can enter as many times as you like. Do it for Jake Gyllenhaal, do it for your country, do it because Natalie Portman is smokin' hot in HD. Just bring the funny.
"Whatch you computin' bout, Willis?!!"I have good news and bad news. Good news is that Paul Anderson is directing another movie. Bad news is that I'm referring to Paul W.S. Anderson, the Resident Evil and AvP director. Not Paul Thomas Anderson, the guy who did Boogie Nights and those other movies I'm supposed to understand and like when I hang out with my friends who read.Anderson (the bad one) is teaming up with Paradox Entertainment for a 3D version of the classic sci-fi Buck Rogers. The property previously had Frank Miller attached to direct until it was discovered that he doesn't know how to direct. I'm not sure why Anderson (the bad one) would be interested in telling this Silver Age story when most of his work leans toward the gritty and gothic but I'll be interested to see how he squeezes Slipknot onto the movie's soundtrack. In hindsight, I guess I didn't have good news at all. Sorry you guys. (Deadline)
If I had one criticism of Martin Scorsese's Kundun, it was due to the total lack of miniature monks bitch slapping their enemies with the elements. Luckily we have this trailer for M. Night Shyamalan's The Last Airbender to pick up the slack. Good job, Marty. In this latest trailer, they lay out the plot of Star Wars. Which is nice of them but I've already seen that movie. But I guess this is a fantasy movie for the kids. The one's that haven't seen Harry Potter or Percy Jackson more specifically. You know, the popular kids. Witness Shyamalan's bid to redeem himself after the jump.
Collette Wolfe was studying sociology in North Carolina when she got a role in The Foot Fist Way. She married the film's director Jody Hill, starred in his next movie Observe and Report, and now she's on her way to comedy stardom. She's got the whole dumb, blond bimbo thing down pat in Hot Tub Time Machine. A word from Collette: "I remember breastfeeding. My mom may have had a perm during said breastfeeding."Your mom sounds like a hip breastfeeder. High five!See why breast milk does a body good after the jump.
The Scott Pilgrim vs. The World teaser is finally here, and it is marvelous, my darlings. Edgar Wright's kinetic style is abundently clear throughout every frame, split-screen, and smash cut. My only grievance is that Michael Cera can't seem to stop playing Michael Cera. He kicks serious ass in this film, but in between the comic strip infused action sequences Michael still shyly tries to grasp the concepts that Mary Elizabeth Winstead lays out for him. I'll be rooting for him all the same because God knows Chris Evans needs to be taken down a peg after securing Captain America, but I hope he erases the elipsies from his speech pattern by the end of the film, a.k.a. grows some balls. Check out the teaser below. Scott Pilgrim vs. The World SMASH! into theaters August 13, 2010.
Mandate Pictures has optioned Diablo Cody's Young Adult which she describes as "pretty serious and f*cked up." I take that to mean that the characters won't refer to one another as home-skillet.The script is about a fiction writer who moves back to her hometown and begins to stalk her high school sweetheart, who is now married with a child. Here's Cody describing her motivation for the project:"You don’t get to see women be antiheroes that often, where it’s like somebody like Mickey Rourke, who gets a comeback in The Wrestler. It’s rarer that you’ll have a studio say, “Let’s have an actress come back and be ugly!”This is very true except for the Oscar contenders Monster, Frida, Boy's Don't Cry, Precious, Transamerica, and the, ummm, Kid's Choice Award-nominated Ugly Betty.On a side-note, why does Diablo Cody look like a completely different person everytime I see her? Is she a shape-shifter? I bet it's that she's a shape-shifter. (Vulture)
Though he's never directed a live-action film, Brad Bird is the top choice to direct Tom Cruise in Mission: Impossible 4. That's an inspired choice. Bird's animated works have shown off his flair for combining crazy action with touching characters. The Iron Giant and The Incredibles are instant classics and Ratatouille made me so afraid of germs on my food that I've lived a Howard Hughes existence ever since seeing it. Ever since seeing it. Ever since seeing it. *pees into milk bottle*Bird has been trying for quite some time to get disaster drama 1906 in front of cameras, but that has been bogged down with budgetary issues. Hopefully, he'll get M:I 4 and that will lead to bigger and better projects. I say give this guy the gig. There have been so many subpar action thrillers released in the last decade, it's time for a few more great ones. Our eyeballs deserve at least that much. (Heat Vision)
Bill Murray attended the SXSW this past weekend and decided to stop by the 'ol watering hole Shangri-La. That of course wasn't enough for Murray, though, who took it upon himself to step behind the bar and attend to its patrons. Whether they liked it or not, they were served tequila shots, and I'm guessing more than a few now remember what it's like to forget EVERYTHING. Footage of Murray after the dude's intro. (Vulture) These links go down reeeal smooth.Dueling Interviewers with Craig Robinson (Moviefone)Bush Gives Clinton Earthquake Cooties (Asylum)Jesse James Cheated with Another Busty Gal (PopEater)25 Shamed Drunks (HolyTaco)One Reason Shaq Should Make Movies Again (FilmDrunk)Star Wars Propaganda Posters (Unreality)Tiger's Frosted Hoes T-Shirt (TotalProSports)12 Crappiest Public Apologies (Maxim)15 Awful Thongs (Smosh)Kim Kardashian Bikini Pics May Have Been Faked (CelebJihad)Frank Mir Doesn't Go Anywhere Without a Gun (CagePotato)Remakes You Want to See (Pajiba)FriendBuddies (Atom)How to Cheat Better Than Jesse James (MadeMan)LOL Race Pics: Drink Responsibly (AllLeftTurns)
The Despicable Me trailer gives me the frownies. If I had kids who made me play this repeatedly for them while they jump up and down and giggle, "Again, Daddy, again!", they'd be orphaned like the precocious tots in the story. But that's why I only bed menopausal women. Have fun parents!! At least now we see a semblance of the plot as Steve Carell's Gru and his minions strive to steal the moon, bash an adorable children's book about kittens drinking milk, and enact revenge on a smug carnie. It's about time someone knocked those gypsies down a few pegs. They think they're so great with their intimate Tilt-a-Whirl knowledge and methamphetamine addictions. Check out the Despicable Me trailer after the jump.
The international poster for Iron Man 2 has arrived online and shows a bad-ass Mickey Rourke walking away from an explosion while Scarlett Johannson reminds us that her ass is in the movie. Look at Rourke just trying to walk away. Whenever there's arson in Hollywood he's the immediate suspect. Don't try to pin this one on Robert, Mickey. He's put those days behind him.
Give it to him good, Hollywood.Will Smith is in quite the pickle. The megastar with a penchant for box office destruction has to choose between two projects that no one cares about. The first is Men in Black 3, a film that when it would finally be released would be about as much in demand as a banged up prostitute. The second is a fantasy-adventure entitled The City That Sailed which Variety describes as such:City that Sailed revolves around a New York street magician who is unhappily separated from his young daughter. The girl, who moves to London, finds magic candles that make her wishes comes true, with unintended consequences: The island of Manhattan separates from the continent and floats toward England, bringing her dad ever closer.So Smith kinda just has to wait around the entire film until Manhattan docks with London while his little b*tch daughter lights candles? This project is going to need David Copperfield riding in barechested on a Bengal Tiger to get my interest peaked.Oh David, I remember those days. When I took pictures of you with other people's children.
For someone who's only 23, Lyndsy Fonseca has accomplished a ton. She started out as a model, moved to soap operas, booked roles on primetime TV, and now is starring in Hot Tub Time Machine and Kick-Ass. If she wasn't so hot I might be irked that she spells her name with two "Ys." You're SOOOO clever, Lyndsy's parents. A word from Lyndsy: "There is no such thing as bad publicity." Oh yeah? I bet being seen on my arm wouldn't do you any favors. Unless people assume you're doing charity work. Ouch, I just hurt my own feelings… There's nothing bad about the pics after the jump.
Release The Kraken! – Watch more Funny VideosLiam Neeson's a persistent son of a bitch. (BuzzFeed)
Gary Marshall's Valentine's Day featured some bizarre on-screen unions, and now is causing one off-screen as well. I don't know how to better describe this news item than with a shrill "Say WHAAAAAAATTTTTTT???!!!!!" Jamie Foxx is scripting a modernized adaptation of "Laverne & Shirley" as a vehicle for sisters-from-another-mister Jennifer Garner and Jessica Biel. I wouldn't mind seeing that sexy pair schlemiel one another's schlimazels if you know what I'm sayin' (note: I don't know what I'm sayin').Marshall tells TV Guide:“Jamie and I are trying to do it. He’s writing it. It’s a whole different modern day take on how they came up on the streets during difficult times. Laverne would be this very tough girl with a big ‘L’ tattooed on her arm. Jennifer Garner would play Laverne and Jessica Biel would play Shirley.”This is just great. I've been working on the gangsta version of "227" for quite some time and now everyone will think I'm ripping off Jamie Foxx's stupid urban "Laverne & Shirley." Now the world will never see Macy Gray cut a bitch while dressed as Jackée.
On our last go-round on this subject, I dealt with those unfortunate few male actors whose default setting was the most often seen in their films. If you happen to be a female in Hollywood, things don't look much better, and in many cases they probably look worse, because in the movie business, you're a hooker, a bitch, or a woman who needs a man to solve all her problems, and there's not much room for in between. So much so that even good actresses, ones who have proven themselves to have range and abilities beyond their usual fare, find themselves going back to the same old thing, time and again, whether it be romantic comedy (more than half the actresses on this list) or drama/action (the other half). So in a tribute to these brave women who have talent but choose not to use it for the sake of routine and easy satisfaction, Screen Junkies presents…. 13 Terminally Typecast Actresses
Iron Man 2 director Jon Favreau was forced to leave Olivia Munn's cameo on the cutting room floor when the tone of the sequel shifted to become darker. Perhaps fearing the wrath of a million deflated nerdboners, he lovingly reinserted Munn into the film in a new mystery role. She tells Complex:You're in two gigantic movies this year. Let's talk about Iron Man 2 first because it's f*cking Iron Man 2. Olivia Munn: Actually, they just gave me another role in the film. I had to reshoot all of my scenes. Wait, didn't they start filming like last year or something? Olivia Munn: Yeah, but as they started to edit they realized it was becoming darker than what they'd expected and what my scenes had allowed for. My parts were lighthearted and comedic. Yikes. Olivia Munn: Jon Favreau called and was like, "I've got good news and bad news: This is what's happening in editing but we all really like you." Marvel and Jon had to add another character from the Marvel universe to keep me included. I need details! Tell us anything about the old or new role. Olivia Munn: I can't talk specifics because it's Iron Man 2! But when they call, you say, "OK, I'm there. What do you need?" You don't say, "Who is this Marvel? Did you call my agent? Is FIJI Water on set?" Everyone knows who the stars are in this movie. I'm not one of them and I understand the editing process. Some things don't work out. What if you'd stayed on the cutting room floor? Olivia Munn: I would've started crying.Sexy crying, of course. Which character from the Marvel universe will Munn portray? There have been rumors swirling that she would play Scarlet Witch or Iron Maiden for awhile now. More importantly, will it involve spandex or a leather bodysuit while sauntering in slow-motion to cock-rock? Knowing Favreau, yes.
Who would have thought The Fuhrer is such a big fan of Sandy's? (Vulture)Here are today's links. Movie Stars Most Likely to Get Naked (Moviefone) U.S. Pole Dance Champ Crowned (Asylum)Security to Keep Women from Tiger (PopEater)Relationship Translator (HolyTaco)Birdemic Director on Public Access TV (FilmDrunk)Superhero Fails Never Get Old (Unreality)Erin Andrews Shows Off Her Naughty Moves (TotalProSports)A Guide to Things Named "Ice" (Maxim)World's Best Butter Sculptures (Smosh)Miley Cyrus Pleasure a Leprechaun (CelebJihad)Duance Ludwig is Going to Be Out For a While (CagePotato)Top 5 Black Female Leading Roles (Pajiba)Evan and Gareth: Threeway (Atom)Best Drunk Food Recipes (MadeMan)Johnson and Busch: A Rivalry in the Making (AllLeftTurns)Epic Boobs Girl Found! (RegretfulMorning)
I was pretty vocal with my disappointment that David Cross's "The Increasingly Poor Decisions of Todd Margaret" wouldn't air on American television. I mean, c'mon, those lucky Brits have the world on a string — awesome weather, those Jedward guys, and unsurpassed prevention of prostitute murder. Well, it was rumored before and now it's official. Beginning this fall, IFC will air David Cross's fish out of water comedy as well as two other very funny series. A TV version of The Onion News Network (Winter 2011) and the Kids in the Hall reunion series "Kids in the Hall: Death Comes to Town" (August 2010) have earned slots on the channel's schedule. Elsewhere, Comedy Central will be airing reruns of "Krod Mandoon" and "Naked Trucker & T-Bone's Show" ad nauseum. (Time)
The new one-sheet for Twilight: Eclipse just hit and the cast couldn't look more apathetic about it. I believe the point here is to convey that the actors Twihards cream over will also be in this film. The marketing gurus probably figured they could have given the characters assholes for eyes and it wouldn't make a difference at the box office.
I Googled "scream" and this came up.Dimension Films has confirmed that Scream 4 will go into production in Spring 2010 for an April 12th, 2011 release. Wes Craven will again direct, as initially suspected, and original Scream creator Kevin Williamson will write the script. Neve Campbell, Courtney Cox, and (unfortunately) David Arquette Cox will all be reprising their roles. I really hope David takes his character Dewey to full retard in this one. It doesn't make sense for him to scale back his own personality just for the sake of acting. (Variety)