In an effort to promote their new film Mystery Team, Derrick Comedy has put together another fine video of bizarre and esoteric proportions. Don't Jerk Off To This poses the eternal question, if you and your friends found a picture of a bowl of fruit in a vacation home with a note that warned you not to jerk off to it, could you resist jerking off to it? Watch the video to find out what happens to the disturbed trio of comics. That is, if you can even make it all the way through. Mmmm, just like at that lucious, curvy pear… Click here to demand that Mystery Team opens in a theater near you.
Peter Berg invited a few reporters to spend the day on the USS Sterett so that he could discuss his upcoming board game adaptation, Battleship. Eyes have been rolling since the film was announced, but matters were made worse when it was reported that aliens would play the film's heavies. Berg defended this decision and elaborated on what to expect from the sea-faring visitors.The aliens are known as The Regents. They will be brought to the screen with a mixture of CG and live action.They aren't looking to take over Earth. They are looking to build a power source in the ocean so that they can return to their home world.The alien weaponry will not be futuristic lasers. It will be exploding ballistics-based, just like ours.Someone at some point in the film will exclaim, "You sank my Battleship!"So there you have it. No word on casting yet but Berg seems very clear about the movie he wants to make. It's a movie based on a board game. Looks like it's time to dust off my adaptation of Ants In The Pants. It's a mystery/thriller about these ants that get into some guy's pants. (Latino Review)
Nine Trailer 3 – Watch more Movie TrailersYeah, yeah, yeah, you don't want to see a movie about prancing and harmonizing, I get it. But let's not forget about all the hot chicks that are starring in Nine. Also, Daniel Day-Lewis is the lead, and I think we can all admit that Mr. Day-Lewis doesn't F around with subpar material. Take a look at the new trailer, which actually explains the plot instead of just shooting sequins and gams at the screen, and see if it doesn't change your mind. Do a little soft shoe routine while you click on these links. If Warning Labels Were Honest (HolyTaco) Degenerate Gamble Posts Ad on Craigslist (TotalProSports) London Club with School Girl Outfit Dress Code (TheChive) How Many More Twilights Will There Be? (FilmDrunk) 20 Mind Blowing Celebrity Houses (SuperTremendous) Ten Best TV Shows of the Aughts (Pajiba) New Tiger Woods' Mistress Comes Forward (CelebJihad) Ten Favorite 'Family Guy' Fights (Unreality) White House Party Crashers (Asylum) World's Coldent Undie Run (BustedCoverage) BMX Biker Meets Quaint Pond (RegretfulMorning) Secret CIA Magic Tricks (MadeMan) Drivers with Momentum Entering 2010 (AllLeftTurns)
Jane Austen's regency classic Pride and Prejudice got an undead facelift last year with the remixed novelization Pride and Prejudice and Zombies. The book's Twitter feed announced today that the tale is being adapted for the small screen as a six-part miniseries. No word yet on which network it will air, or on casting for that matter. Though I'd like to nominate Kiera Knightley. She's got the experience of playing Elizabeth Bennet and the physique of a zombie. Basically any role in this thing is hers for the taking. (via io9)
Somehow Dre-son doesn't have the same ring to it as Daniel-son. And as you can tell from the above photo of The Karate Kid remake/re"imagining," it doesn't have the same look either. They must have photoshopped out the Hollywood producers giving each other congratulatory spanks on the ass.Apparently, Jaden Smith trained every day for four months with the film’s fight coordinator Master Wu, and they filmed a scene atop the Great Wall of China. Most likely his dad Will Smith, the guy from the Bad Boys movies, was with him every step of the way shouting, "Wax on, wax off, Jaden-son!" then giggling uncontrolably into the palm of his hand.Check out more pics of what's sure to be another slaughter of my fond childhood memories after the jump.
Vera Farmiga's got a nice figure. You may remember ogling it in Running Scared, with Paul Walker's hands groping it, or in The Departed, with Leo DiCaprio's hands groping it. Now George Clooney's hands will get the chance in Up in the Air. A word from Vera: "I really don't feel a need to be famous. But I do feel a need to make a difference, to shed light on human emotion through acting."Not to use an outdated reference, but gag me with a spoooooooon. Cowabunga. Feel the need to make a difference with the pics after the jump.
The Hangover director Todd Phillips recently talked sequel with Entertainment Weekly without really giving away too many details. His script is reportedly half-finished (will the other half be improvised by Zach Galifianakis?) and is not set in Las Vegas. In fact, Phillips wants to distance the sequel from the plotline of the original.“What people loved about 'The Hangover' was not Las Vegas or the bachelor party but these three characters,” Phillips says. “I think you can take those characters and put them in other situations, and you don’t need the sell of Vegas and a bachelor party and all that other stuff.”In summation, you can expect a sequel to the possible Oscar contender that involves an adventure of some sort but no one has any idea what it is. Maybe they're searching for Mike Tyson's gold? I bet they're searching for Mike Tyson's gold. (via EW)
Let me get this on the table right now: I am not an economist. In addition, I don't read The Economist. If pressed, I probably couldn't give you a good definition of the word economist.But, I like movies. I know movies, and I know movies where there are guys looking for a big score (usually, they're not economists either). And, outside some of the more ridiculous amounts of money sought (cough, Swordfish) – there has been a slight upward trend of hauls of monies in heist films.You know what else has a general upward trend (or a drastic one, that real economists warn against)? The GDP – aka the Gross Domestic Product. Please refer again to the opening sentence before you read this: the GDP is a handy little way to say, "Look how valuable this country is."
Yesterday I showed you what Don Cheadle would look like as Iron Man 2's War Machine in toy form. And today, I offer you the film's teaser poster. Here we see Iron Man and War Machine in a Bad Boys-esque pose against a stormy sky. The War Machine armor looks pretty similar to Iron Man's save for additional weaponry and hydraulics. The suit may also be assless. It's very hard to tell from this angle.Jon Favreau has announced the first trailer will premiere in front of Sherlock Holmes, so be on the lookout for that later this month. And Ozzy Osbourne, please be advised to keep an eye out for royalty checks, as we are quickly approaching an Iron Man media blitz. (Yahoo)Click on the poster below to marvel at the larger version.
A&E launches the single greatest reality series about an aikido champion/actor turned cop this Wednesday with Steven Seagal: Lawman (aka Fat Lieutenant: Port Of Call New Orleans). For those not in the know, Steven Seagal has volunteered with the Jefferson Parish Sheriff's Department for the past 20 years. This show chronicles his main duties giving martial arts training to the officers as well as assisting with arrests. It's almost just like COPS, the only difference being the perps are arrested by the man on the poster they have framed in their living rooms. Have a look at an earlier preview or check out the brand new, extended preview below. I'm looking forward to the cliffhanger season finale when Seagal's rogue tactics require that he hand over his badge, never ending donut bowl, and gun.
Babies Trailer – Watch more Funny VideosStudioCanal's documentary Babies takes a look at one year in the life of five babies living in Mongolia, Namibia, San Francisco, and Tokyo. This film is bound to get biological clocks a-ringing. So fellas, keep your ladies away from this one or you'll soon be up to your elbows in doody (not your own) and be forced to watch Yo Gabba Gabba (not ironically).Soothe your teething gums with these links… 25 Babes James Bond Has Boned (Holy Taco) Sacre Bleu! French Goalie Breaks Leg In Half (TotallyProSports) World's Greatest Sleeping Bags (TheChive) Leo, Tobey, and David Blaine are broin' out (FilmDrunk) 15 Fake Magazines That Should Exist (SuperTremendous) Spanish LOST Promo Looks Like Perfume Ad (Pajiba) The 2009 NFL All-Criminal Team (CelebJihad) Dragon Backpack: Badass or Super Badass? (Unreality) Get To Know Rachel Uchitel (Asylum) Jay Cutler Beaten By Small Children (BustedCoverage) Nine Ridiculous Lawsuits Filed By Inmates (RegretfulMorning) World's Strongest Beer – Penguin Suit Not Included (MadeMan) NASCAR Collection Funds College Tuition (AllLeftTurns) In Russia, Cat Fights You (NothingToxic) Drunken Teens In A Hot Tub (Atom)
"And is it true they will honk when I squeeze them?"Director Paul Greengrass has decided he won't aim his shakey, blurry camera at Jason Bourne for a third time. The Bourne Supremacy and Bourne Ultimatum director has had a falling out with cash-strapped Universal, causing him to walk away from the fourth film. Apparently he is upset that the studio brought in a new screenwriter for the project without his consent and the studio is upset by Greengrass's going way over budget on his current project, Green Zone.Given Matt Damon's loyalty to Greengrass, this could be bad news for Universal. Could we have another Matt Damon freakout on our hands? According to the Playlist, some are citing Greengrass's ghosting as a "typical Paul move" and that he'll return to the project in short order. Another noted, "That's so Paul!", but it was difficult to determine if he was being serious or merely refering to Greengrass's failed Disney sitcom. (The Playlist)
If things didn't pan out so well for you at the local technical college, you may still be in luck. The upcoming Blu-Ray release of LOST: Season Five will include the LOST University feature. Go Polar Bears!For those not well-versed in fictional colleges, LOST University is a Blu-Ray extra that allows you to study subjects pertinent to the LOSTverse such as Physics of Time Travel, History of Hieroglyphics, New Physics with Daniel Faraday, and of course, Jungle Survival (better pay attention Sayid). You can enroll now on LOST University's official site. On the off-chance that you are not accepted, there's always University of Subway.
Tamala Jones and her fine behind have starred in several TV shows, but they can currently be seen in ABC's Castle as Lanie Parish, the medical examiner, and Lanie Parish's booty. Also look for both of them in Up In The Air on Friday. You know George Clooney will be looking. Daaaaamn. A word from Tamala: "I heard that I whooped Bobby Brown's ass at a Lucky Strike."Pffff, who hasn't whooped Bobby Brown's ass at a Lucky Strike? He practically replaces the bowling balls at that place.The pics after the jump are a strike and a half.
Matthew McConaughey needs to get his core in shape because he's producing an animated series with FOX based on his brother's life. One has absolutely nothing to do with the other, but if you're going to just keep living (Matty's motto), you need a tight core."Rooster Tales" follows the world of a beer-swilling, redneck sheriff who marries a much younger woman from Mexico. The man soon realizes, however, that he's gained not only a wife but an entire clan — 114 members and counting.Here's what McConaughey had to say about it:"My brother's life is so unbelievable, we had to animate it." I got news for you Matthew, if everyone's life that's unbelievable was animated we'd have a sh*tload of Seal cartoons.How did that guy marry Heidi Klum?!(via Variety)
No official studio images have been released yet, but we now have a good look at Don Cheadle as War Machine: The Toy. Diamond Previews sent out their advance listings catalogue and in the process have given a glimpse of Cheadle's Iron Man 2 character. Though the full body is blacked out (sorry, no camel toe) we get a decent look at Cheadle's face and helmet. I can already tell that this one is way cooler than his Hotel Rwanda action figure.Don't stare into his creepy mo-cap eyes for too long. That's how Zemeckis imprisons your soul. (Bleeding Cool)
Well it's no surprise that the Weinsteins and Dimension Films want to remake a movie that's only five years old. The original remake of The Amityville Horror starring a bearded and, as always, charmingly snarky Ryan Reynolds grossed over $100 million at the box office. "We wanna blow off more stacks of cheddar!" the Weinsteins were not quoted saying, but were most likely thinking while oddly enough nibbling from a pungent wheel of cheese.Apparently a director is already in talks to develop the project. He's probably brainstorming in between commercial shoots for beer commercials and commercial shoots for soda commercials. No word on when the remake of the remake will get underway, or if it will ever, but I have a feeling the development of the remake of the remake of the remake will begin early next year. Cheddar, om nom nom! (via BloodyDisgusting)
In case you've been jonesing for a vampire movie, Daybreakers starring Ethan Hawke, Willem Defoe, and Sam Neill is here to satisfy your craving. Oh, you're sick of vampires, you say? Well they bring in sh*t buckets full of cash at the box office so you're going to have to deal. At least the one's in this movie don't sweat glitter, or seep diamond dust. I don't know what the actual cause is of the sparkly vamps in Twilight, but I do know it's fruity. The premise for Daybreaks goes as such: In the year 2019, vampires are now the dominant species on the planet with the remaining humans being farmed for blood. But with the remaining blood supply dwindling, a vampire scientist (Ethan Hawke) finds himself siding with the human resistance. Sounds like another social commentary to me. Isn't it about time the world except homosexuals (vampires)? Daybreakers opens January 8th, 2010. Check out the trailer after the jump.
The best clip from the best Thanksgiving movie ever: Planes, Trains, and Automobiles.
The Matrix Done with Legos – Watch more Funny VideosHave you ever wanted to see The Matrix done entirely with Legos? Of course you have. Someone, who's very nice I'm sure, spent a lot of time and effort filming the 'Trinity Help' scene and the least you can do is watch it. (via Cinematical) Happy Thanksgiving! And to all a good night. Be sure to give thanks for these links. 25 Girls to be Thankful For (HolyTaco) Clemson Trainer Does Nice Faceplant (TotalProSports) Sweet Hairstyle, Dude. No One Cares. (TheChive) Canada Outlaws Happy Gilmore Swing (FilmDrunk) 15 Funniest Thanksgiving Photos of All Time (SuperTremendous) 5 Best Thanksgiving Films (Pajiba) Blake Lively Does Some Nice Posing (CelebJihad) Top 15 Sci-Fi Movies of the Last Decade (Unreality) Swedish Sex Couple Saved from Eviction (Asylum) Jimmy Clausen Punch Video Parody (BustedCoverage) Speed Boat Teaches Us About Inertia (RegretfulMorning) Making a Perfect Turducken (MadeMan) Worst NASCAR Crashes 2009 (AllLeftTurns) Thug Suprises Emo Kid with Falcon Punch (NothingToxic) The Workplace Gets Nasty (Atom)
Here's a first look at the new Freddy Kreuger figure fashioned by NECA. Click on the image to get a bigger view. Unfortunately it won't be available before the holidays, so you can't give it to mom, but Randy Falk of NECA says, "We are working on figures from the remake of Nightmare on Elm Street and at least two figures will be out for the release of the film with possibly more to follow." A Nightmare on Elm Street opens in theaters on April 30, 2010. Reenactments of the film using the Freddy Kreuger figure will follow soon after in homes around the country. (via ComingSoon)
Laura Allen may best be known for getting banged by Courtney Cox in the cancelled FX show Dirt. She's also done other stuff, like soap operas, but none of it involved getting banged by Courtney Cox. A word from Laura: "Tonight I snort heroin."That makes two of us. Let the Thanksgiving Eve tradition live on! Do some lines (of stuffing) off the pics after the jump.
Sorry literate moviegoers. Peter Jackson recently broke the news that Steven Spielberg's Tintin has completed filming, but still needs to undergo two years of computer-animation to pull off the creepy, dead-in-the-eyes look that Robert Zemeckis has been all about lately. I guess it sucks to have to wait but the alternative was casting Conan O'Brien and where would we be then?I don't have a lot of interest in this film because I'm not familiar with the books. Though I am pretty bummed that I'll have to wait for the impending porno-spoof Tittit. (BBC)
So much blood and ninjaing! If you like twirling kicks, twirling punches, and red liquid spraying out of oraphises, which kind of twirls too, then you'll probably enjoy this red band trailer for Ninja Assassin. I'm not too jazzed about all the CG elements (can't anything be real anymore?), but fighting in front of roaring flames will always be cool in my book. It makes perfect sense that the studio is releasing the movie today, though. This Thanksgiving get in the spirit of the holiday by seeing an uber violent ninja flick that's fun for the whole family. Wait, what?
After this next Shrek, there aren't going to be anymore Shreks, you guys. Which is bad news for fans of seeing computer-animated monsters lip-synching to "Sexy Back." USA Today has a ton of info about Shrek Forever After (the final Shrek), as well as the picture above.Here are the details:The first trailer will be attached to Avatar and presented in ass-puckerin' 3D.In the film, Shrek strikes a deal with Rumpelstiltskin to regain his ogre mojo but "the pact goes awry and Shrek must confront what life would be like in Far Far Away if he had never existed. That translates into Donkey being forced into cart-pulling duty, fat and lazy Puss in Boots trading his sword for a pink bow and the underhanded Rumpelstiltskin ruling the kingdom.”Jon Hamm, Kathy Griffin, and Kristin Schaal join the cast.Shrek spinoffs are not off limits.Dreamworks claims this is the end of all the ogreing but as long as there is "Sexy Back" or "Single Ladies" out there, there will be Shreks. (USA Today)
Having struck merchandising and ratings gold with Blue Harvest, Family Guy is now releasing their Empire Strikes Back parody Something, Something, Something, Darkside. Looks amusing enough. Not sure why Billie Dee Williams isn't involved with this project though. He's done worse. The farce is strong with these links. What Other People are Thinking When You're Traveling (HolyTaco) One Hard Hitting Six-Year-Old (TotalProSports) Girls Flashing the Duckface Pose (TheChive) 'Old Dogs' Publicity Still is a Joke (FilmDrunk) How to be a Pool Hustler (Manofest) Six Worst Movie Sidekicks (Pajiba) Miley Cyrus Fan Eats Pussy Cat (CelebJihad) Facebook in Star Wars Land (Unreality) 9 Signs It's Time to Lock It Down (Asylum) 2009 Hooters Dream Girls Photo Shoot (BustedCoverage) 7 Memorable Tom Cruise Bromances (RegretfulMorning) How to Sail Around the World (MadeMan) Jeff Dunham on NASCAR (AllLeftTurns)
Avatar – Thanator Chase Clip – Watch more Funny VideosHey guess what, there's more Avatar news. But I gotta admit the above clip is pretty baaaaad aaaaass. When I catch the whole chase scene in glorious, mind bending Cameron-ized 3D I'll probably crap my pantaloons. I have to say, I'm getting used to the blue mutant cat people. Getting used to them indeed… (via IGN)
Alexa Havins was a big soap star, playing 'Babe Carey' on All My Children for four years. She transitioned to film playing 'Hot Fan' in Hancock, and now 'Hot Waitress #2' in Old Dogs. Does anyone see a pattern here? A word from Alexa: "I have always watched Maternity Ward on TLC and just to see it firsthand was great."Ewwww, births are groooooss. I know it's supposed to be like this magical moment, but…ewwww.The pics after the jump are anything but ewww.
Ennui-core maestro Noah Baumbach's newest comedy Greenberg has a trailer. Ben Stiller stars as the title character, a middle-aged burnout who doesn't try very hard. That's until he meets a younger woman who tickles his pickle in such a way that he is inspired to live. Though sleeping late, getting wasted, and complaining about those more successful than yourself while you don't even really try, aren't that bad of a way to go through life. In fact, those are three qualities required to be a movie blogger. Well, it's after noon. Time for Kahlua pancakes.Check out the angstful trailer after the jump…
I don't want to ruin last week's episode of Dexter by telling you everyone dies in it, so I'll just say it was the best episode in a stellar season of the show about a domesticated serial killer. Fact: John Lithgow makes everything better. If you're not watching Dexter you need to start RIGHT NOW. Okay…go! Here are a couple clips to settle the monster down inside of you that can't wait until Sunday's new episode.