If movies and television have taught us anything, it's that our girlfriends will be immediately railed by cheesy Eurotrash douche-wads moments after we break up with them. That's just science. You can't fight it.Last night's hilarious SNL Digital Short takes aim at this trope by having Andy Samberg don the flaxen tresses of Viggo the Carpathian and ruin host Ryan Phillipe's life. One bowl of cereal at a time.
Let's get this barbeque f*ckin' started. This Labor Day, make room for Machete amongst your ice cold beers and charred hot dogs. The Robert Rodriguez produced film based off the trailer from Grindhouse will hit theaters September 3. Machete stars Danny Trejo as a blade-wielding Mexican ex-Federale who is double-crossed by a crooked politician. If for some loco reason blade-wielding Mexican's aren't your cup of horchata, keep in mind that Jessica Alba is playing twins in the film. Yes, that's right, Rodriguez DOES listen to your prayers at night, and he has answered them. Who else did you think you were appealing to? (Variety)
Say's who?Here are your weekend links. 10 Nerdiest Superheroes (Moviefone)Jesus Has a Big Penis (Asylum)Kim Kardashian Doesn't Get Why We Like Her Ass (PopEater)25 Real Life Superheroes (HolyTaco)Courtney Love Weighs In on Cobain Role (FilmDrunk)Classy Gay Stormtrooper is Not Threatened by You (Unreality)Phillies Fan Makes a Great Grab (TotalProSports)25 Awesome Killer Robots (Maxim)Ben Fowlkes: A Remembrance (CagePotato)Rachel Bilson Flaunts It by the Pool (CelebJihad)Stoned Dogs (Smosh)Nic Cage Career Assessment (Pajiba)Nick Kroll & Donald Glover Drop Knowledge (Atom)6 Favorite Healthy Beers (MadeMan)Attendence Decline Stumps NASCAR (AllLeftTurns)
No surprise here, but they made a "True Blood" porn parody entitled Tru: An XXX Parody. It's a shame porn trailers aren't allowed to show any porn. In my opinion, it's the best part of these adult films everyone keeps fapping about. Watching the above video without kinky sex is like watching a Jane Campion film without kinky sex. All your left with is blood and bruised women. (FilmDrunk)
Betty White and Jay-Z will reportedly squash their long-standing beef for an upcoming episode of "Saturday Night Live." Hova will appear as the musical guest on the May 8th episode which White is hosting after being cyber-bullied into taking the gig.For those worried that White is not up to the after-hours task had best check themselves."It's lovely, and at my age it's certainly unexpected. I've got so much energy, it's ridiculous. I love working. My schedule is a feverish one, and I'm used to that." Betty White's album is expected to drop on Roc Nation before the end of the year. Streets is hungry for this one. (MTV)
The man profiled in the highly-amusing video above is Bill Anthony Jakob, a security guard who rolled into a small Missouri town and passed himself off as a Federal Agent by quoting Beverly Hills Cop 2 and flashing a badge purchased on the Internet. Jakob went on to arrest twenty meth dealers and significantly clean up town. Naturally, his story will now be made into a movie.Deadline reports that Curtis Hanson and Iron Man 2 actor-turned-writer Clark Gregg are in talks to bring The Man With the World's Biggest Balls (working title) to the screen. Not much is known yet about the tone of the film but it's expected to be a drama with comedic elements. Think more along the lines of The Informant and less along those of Martin Lawrence's Blue Streak or National Security or any other films in his "cops who are not" series. I mean, really. Would you seriously let this pizza-brandishing maniac into your police station?
If you're a big "Spin City" enthusiast you might remember Lana Parrilla as Angie Ordonez in the first season. If your memory doesn't go back ten years, you probably know her face from "24" and "Six Feet Under." If you still don't recognize her, I can't help you.A word from Lana: "The trauma surgeons in life are a little more calm than we are."After you stich up two-hundred wild-eyed junkies it becomes old hat.Maybe the pics after the jump will jog your memory.
"Thank you for coming to our pudding party."Continuing on his path of selecting films with terrible titles, Samuel L. Jackson has signed on to star in Deathgames, opposite Twilight and Elm Street's Kellan Lutz.Former visual effects supervisor Jonah Loop, will make his directorial debut with the modern gladiator film. In the story, Lutz is kidnapped and forced to battle in the arena for the entertainment of online spectators. Jackson runs the games, overseeing them from his lair with the help of twin ladies "who see to his every desire." Just like Steven Seagal. If Seagal were computer-literate.(THR)
I don't even care that this promo for "LOST" offers zero solid information about forthcoming events, it's got a Willy Wonka voiceover that made my butt hairs stand on end. The person who suggested sampling Gene Wilder's iconic speech should get a raise and a popsicle. Or a Push Pop if a raise is out of the question.25 Best Movie Remakes of All Time (Moviefone)Transform Your Ride Into Tom Selleck (Asylum)Steven Seagal Made Jenny McCarthy Cry (PopEater)25 Insane Book Covers (HolyTaco)Robocop Is Jesus (FilmDrunk)30 Hot Girls with Ripped Abs (TotalProSports)5 Stages of Owning a Pet (Maxim)12 Most Memorable Movie Billionaires (Unreality)Mike Whitehead Charged With Three Felonies (CagePotato)Gary Busey is Obama's Top Adviser (CelebJihad)Homeless Rap Genius (Smosh)Carla Gugino Will Show Her Boobs On TV (Pajiba)The Obamourage Goes All Nude (Atom)Ways to Beat Workout Boredom (MadeMan)When NASCAR and Rap Collide (AllLeftTurns)The Friend Zone (RegretfulMorning)
Darren Aronofsky and his affianced are hellbent on giving America the frownies.The hot spec script Jackie, about the immediate days following President Kennedy’s assassination, is getting the big screen treatment with Academy-Award winning actress Rachel Weisz attached to play the late first lady. Weisz’s fiancee, director Darren Aronofsky (The Wrestler), will direct and produce, along with his producing partner Scott Franklin and their Protozoa Pictures film company. Jackie catalogs the four days between JFK’s assassination and his burial, showing the beloved Jackie at both her most vulnerable and her most graceful. No deal is in place yet but it's expected to be soon. I can hear the manipulative music swelling and see the interspersment of actual funeral footage now. But I will not cry dammit. I will not. I just plan on thinking about something else.Thanks, Jackee. (EW)
He always stands like this when he's proud of his jacket.So eery when life imitates art. After being forced to turn in his badge and gun in countless films, Steven Seagal has been ordered to do the same in reality TV life. The Jefferson Parish Sheriff's Station has halted production indefiitely of the A&E series "Steven Seagal: Lawman."Seagal became the center of controversy earlier this week when a former executive assistant (hired via Craigslist) accused the perspirant actor of treating her like a "sex toy" for the brief time she was in his employ. She also alleged "Mr. Seagal had been keeping two young female Russian 'Attendants' on staff who were available for his sexual needs 24 hours a day, 7 days a week."No one knows for sure how Seagal will react to this. But now that he's working outside of the justice system, it's likely that he'll team up with DMX to target and bring down the gang of murderous Rastafarians whose oil-drilling has been killing the Alaskan wilderness, with his unique brand of justice. Deadly justice. (TMZ)
Patricia Manterola sings, dances, acts, models, and radiates hotness. She has starred in the Mexican versions of "Charlie's Angels" and "Ugly Betty," and in HBO's "Arliss," getting much props for looking directly at Robert Wuhl. A word from Patricia: "I'd never experienced the production process."OMG, are you for reals?! It's like the beeeeeeeeeest process. We'll discuss over an English muffin.Check out more of Patricia the renaissance woman after the jump.
French Actress Astrid Berges-Frisby has been cast as Syrena The Hot Mermaid (not official title) in Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides. Producer Jerry Bruckheimer and director Rob Marshall pretended they saw her foreign films La Fille du Puisatier and La Premiere Etoile and decided to give the young actress a shot in the ring with Johnny Depp. Also, she has real boobies.Ian McShane also stars in the fourth Pirates installment as the infamous Blackbeard, with Penelope Cruz playing his daughter. Do Spainiards and the French get along? Can we cause a rift in the countries' relationship? I'm all for world peace, but I would absolutely loooooove some on-set cat fight pics. (/Film)
Best known for playing the coolest, most athletic guy in school, Zac Efron is doing what most former big men on campus do — driving a taxi and getting into cocaine. He's also making a movie about it.Efron is attached to star in and produce a remake of “Snabba cash,” the hot Swedish property that was the subject of a heavy Hollywood bidding war and has just found a home with Warner Bros.“Snabba” is based on a novel by Jens Lapidus and was a major hit in its home country. The thriller followed three interconnected storylines involving drugs and organized crime, with the main character a young financial wizard who hopes to strike it rich quickly by becoming a runner for a coke dealer.This news proves that no one can outrun their destiny. Dogs will always chase cats and child actors will always get involved with cocaine dealers. It's Pheonix's Law. (THR)
A sequel is a tricky, tricky mistress. Some films produce a sequel when no one in the general public actually wants a sequel, like Cheaper by the Dozen, Big Mama’s House, and all those Tim Allen Christmas movies. Other films roll out a sequel years later when you never expected them to. Flicks like Tron: Legacy, Wall Street 2, and Evening Star (the Terms of Endearment sequel for all you pansies out there). And yet, there are countless other movies that really need a sequel, but never get any second installment love. I decided to toss out a few movies that need to have a second outing – and give my thoughts on plot and casting while I'm at it. Point Break
The new teaser poster for The Sorcerer's Apprentice could be many things.It could be an image captured by an intrepid papparazzo who snuck up to a window at Nicolas Cage's house, only to find the star glaring back out at him.Two years after completing work on Bad Lieutenant: Port Of Call, New Orleans, Nicolas Cage can't put down the pipe.He's borrowing jewelry from his son now.This is early concept art for his team-up with Bone Thugs n Harmony.Nicolas Cage will appear in any movie. All you have to do is ask.(via ComingSoon)
If those owls are made of poop then this is an accurate graphic.What the Internet sees.Chris Rock Eulogizes Tracy Morgan (Moviefone)10 Things You Should Never Say to a Call Girl (Asylum)Mel Gibson Leaving His Baby Mama (PopEater)25 Athlete Mugshots (HolyTaco)Bizarrely Metrosexual Shrek Photoshoot (FilmDrunk)8 Trippy Scenes in Non-Trippy Movies (Unreality)Just a Monkey Doing Non-Stop Pushups (TotalProSports)Hot Pics of Arianny Celeste (Maxim)Chael Sonnen Weighs in on Anderson Sllva (CagePotato)Kim Kardashian Flashes Her Useless Ass (CelebJihad)Live Bomb Removed from Guy's Head (Smosh)'Green Hornet' Will Be One Giant Ball of Suck (Pajiba)How to Save Some Cash for the Tax Man (Atom)7 Signs You're the Jerk in the Room (MadeMan)Kyle Goes to Walley World (AllLeftTurns)
NO RULES!!!!!!Michael Bay is about to tackle a brand new subject: reality. The director will get a strangle-hold on the action-adventure reality series "One Way Out." It's being called "a game with no rules" and apparently also a game with no solid premise, as evidenced by Bay's description:"For my first television project I wanted to do something that had never been done before, and I believe that One Way Out accomplishes that. Combining unique twists, death-defying challenges, and stunning visuals, we are reinventing the genre, showing just how far people will go when they are stripped of their bare necessities and forced to do whatever it takes to survive."The man clearly woke up from a dream and wrote that down in his bitchin' idea pad. Clear it up a bit for us, press release writer:The reality adventure series will pit ordinary people from all walks of life against each other, creating extreme competition and deep allegiances. All players have secret pasts that must be kept hidden from their fellow competitors, setting the stage for an intense game of trust and betrayal. Players will be forced to adapt to and conquer new hostile environments each week, building towards a climactic showdown where all secrets are exposed and a shocking development revealed.Nope, still sounds like a hodgepodge of adverbs and buzz words. They should just call it "Michael Bay's Reality Show!" So much reality it's f*cking unreal!Magical Elves, the production company behind the hits "Top Chef" and "Project Runway" will hold Bay's hand through the process. Then he'll break their thumbs, kill the guards, and hop on his personal helicopter, because no one tells Michael Bay how the world really works. NO ONE. (Deadline)
Well, now I look like a liar again. Awesome. Previous reports that Alice Eve was the front-runner to play Peggy Carter in Captain America were proved bunk today. The role will officially go to Hayley Atwell, a young British actress best known for her appearance in The Duchess and for accepting Marvel's small payday.Personally, I blame Captain America himself for all of the back and forth. His hesitancy to just hurry up and just pick a girlfriend lead to this. If he had followed my advice and agreed to have his own "Bachelor"-esque reality show, this would have been much easier on everyone.And we would have got to see Emily Blunt in a bikini. (THR)
Haha. Right in the nuts.Thank God. Now comedy nerds can go into a sports bar and enjoy 10 Cent Wing Night without fear of ridicule from the jocks. Comedy Central has ordered ten episodes of the sports-themed satire "Onion Sports Network," allowing nerds everywhere to bluff their way through sports conversations when, in truth, their sports knowledge is limited to the third act of Major League. A spin-off of the popular newspaper, website, and recently-announced TV show, "OSN" will target teams, athletes, fans, and ridiculous endorsements with "the same sharpness we've seen applied to the world of politics and popular culture." (THR) A taste of things to come, after the jump….
Amber Heard has experience playing the "naughty hot chick" and the "nice hot chick." She starred in All The Boys Love Mandy Lane," which no one had a chance to see, and The Informers, which is worse than bamboo chutes in the peehole.A word from Amber: "I love to cook. When I'm away I miss my pots and pans and my spices."Then giiiiit in the kitchen, woman! Sorry, I had to take that one. Feel free to flick off the screen.More spicy pics of Amber after the jump.
Well, whoop-tee-doo!!! This new clip from A Nightmare On Elm Street gives us a better look at the "micro-naps" introduced in the previous trailer. They occur when the insomniac has been awake for 70 hours, forcing them to dream without falling asleep. I gotta say the device is used to nice effect here, fading between the drug store and the boiler room as Freddy Krueger menaces his victim. Speaking of Krueger, we get a pretty good look at him too. But enough with the glove already. Always scraping the blades against pipes or clanking them together. We get it, dude. You're the "glove guy." It's your thing. Such a show-off with your fancy toys. And stop playing with your iPad when I'm trying to talk to you! (Yahoo)Don't sleep on this clip after the jump…
You may or may not know the story of Colton Harris-Moore, the teenaged burglar who has remained at large for the last two years, having stolen (and crashed) several vehicles, boats, and aircrafts in that time. He was once witnessed fleeing a burgled home in western Washington State with no shoes, leading to the nickname "the Barefoot Bandit." He's also known as "the Teen Houdini," "the Boy Who Could Fly," and "the Shoeless Asshole." (That last one was coined by me.)Taking Flight: The Hunt for a Young Outlaw is a book proposal about Harris-Moore's insane legend to which David Gordon Green and his Rough House Pictures brosefs Danny McBride and Jody Hill now own the film rights. And understandably so. Pooping outdoors. Eating garbage. Stealing pies from window sills. Constantly on the run from Ranger Smith. This kid is living the life!! (Variety)
Usually in movies when someone unexpected or undesired arrives on the scene one or more characters utter the words "We've got company!!!" It doesn't happen as often as a mirror scare, but it's cliché enough for a montage.We've got links!!!'Iron Man 2' Inspired By 'Rocky III'? (Moviefone)When Twitter Drinks too Much Vodka (Asylum)Michael J. Fox Chats About New Book (PopEater)Heidi Montag Plastic Surgery Diagram (HolyTaco)Jake Gyllenhaal to Play Joe Namath (FilmDrunk)Shaq Has Gone Marbury Crazy (TotalProSports)5 Comedy Sequels That Could Work (Unreality)Gray Maynard Still Patiently Waiting His Turn (CagePotato)Tiger Woods to Sex Phil Mickelson's Wife (CelebJihad)Steven Seagal and His Dirty Secrets (Smosh)5 Awesome Monster Face-Off Movie Trailers (Pajiba)The Perfect 'Entourage' Parody (Atom)Places to Have Sex Before You Die (MadeMan)Kahne to Hendrick (AllLeftTurns)8 Sexual Acts All Men Should Conquer (RegretfulMorning)
Best Cry Ever – Watch more Funny Videos I'm assuming this clip is from A&E's "Intervention, which is clearly a somber show, but no apology deserves this kind of reaction. Check out my mashup below. Tom Hanks Jokes with Crying Guy – Watch more Funny Videos
I assumed the announcement that Joss Whedon was on the the shortlist to direct Marvel and Disney's big ol' Avengers movie/super-hero dogpile was an Internet hoax. But today there are reports that the King of the Nerds is in final negotiations for the job. One question though. Really?No offense to Whedon. I'm a fan. I'm sure he'll deliver. It's just that I wouldn't expect Marvel to hand their prized pig to a guy who's only directed one feature, although Serenity was really enjoyable. Then there's the fact that he'll have to cast Eliza Dushku. I don't see the fans embracing a Wasp born and raised in Worcester, Massachusetts. (Deadline)
And she thought cyborgs were tough to kill…
Writer/director Andrew Niccol is returning to the world of science fiction and nerd love. The Gattaca and Lord of War director is preparing to helm I'm.mortal, from his own script. THR has the details:The story is set in the not-too-distant future where the aging gene has been switched off. To avoid overpopulation, time has become the currency and the way people pay for luxuries and necessities. The rich can live forever, while the rest try to negotiate for their immortality. The protagonist is a poor young man who comes into a fortune of time, though too late to help his mother from dying. He ends up on the run from a corrupt police force known as "time keepers."It's said that this is to be the most commercial of Niccol's work. Mainly because the premise's device would allow for a hot, young cast to attract and capitalize upon the tween demographic with their hypnotic abdominal muscles.Sounds like a really interesting premise. Gattaca with shades of Logan's Run. Not a fan of the title though. I'm.mortal sounds like something a Black Eyed Pea would tattoo on his or her clavicle.
Lori Loughlin, or better known as Aunt Becky, captured our hearts as Uncle Jesse's main squeeze on "Full House." She also appeared in Old Dogs alongside Jon Travolta recently, which I don't condone, but everyone does one for the money now and again. Like that entire cast. A word from Laurie: "You have to make difficult choices in your life, and you just have to be happy with them."Like what I shall have for dinner tonight. Do I go with the country breaded chicken or lemon pepper fish frozen meal. Ahhhhh, decisions make me angry!These pics of Lori after the jump will calm my nerves…
I'd rather stop writing about casting news for the satirical comedy Butter, but they keep landing hot chicks so I must oblige. Last week Ashley Greene came aboard to play a naughty schoolgirl, and now Olivia Wilde is set to play a tattooed stripper. Why is this film becoming more appealing with each passing day?If you're not already aware, the film centers on an Iowa woman (played by Jennifer Garner) who attempts to win a butter-carving title formerly held by her husband (Ty Burrell), only to be thwarted by a young black girl (Yara Ahahidi). It mirrors the themes of the 2008 Democratic primary, but with butter. If I had one gripe about that particular primary, it was that it didn't have enough butter, even with Bill Clinton there. (Movieline)