Okay, new secret to success. If at first you don't succeed, throw out all your ideas and retell someone else's story with the addition of zombies. It worked for Pride and Prejudice and Zombies and the new "Melrose Place." ZING!!! (Tired concepts get tired jokes.)The Beatles are Hollywood's latest undead remix with the announcement that Double Feature has optioned Alan Goldsher's novel Paul Is Undead. The book tells the history of the undead band as they invade the world while evading zombie hunter Mick Jagger and Eighth Level Ninja Lord Yoko Ono. Racist much? I mean, just because Mick Jagger is British doesn't automatically make him a monster killing expert. It's stereotypes like that that hold us back as a people. (Deadline)
Inception continually insists on spitting in gravity's face. If Sir Isaac Newton laid eyes upon this new poster his powdered wig would spin round from pure outrage. What's the floor?! What's the ground?! City-dwellers have to spend most of the day just trying to maintain their balance. It's the maintenance workers I feel the most sorry for, though. The high rise window washers must curse their existence with each rising sun. (IMPAwards)
"I found this in Mrs. Lee Jones' sock drawer."Will Smith and Columbia Pictures have officially chosen a date, so you can stop asking all the time, Will Smith's mom. As foretold in the Ancient Scrolls of Fresh Princia, Men in Black 3D will indeed open Memorial Day Weekend 2012. Deadline reports that the sequel has set the film for a May 25th, 2012 release. Known in many circles as "Big Willy Weekend." Note: circles of idiots.Tommy Lee Jones has yet to sign on, nor has Josh Brolin. The production is in the process of finalizing their deals. It's unclear at this point which role Jaden Smith will be shoe-horned into, but I'm sure it will be justly earned. He'll earn it you guys.
This Sunday, May 9th, it's Mother's Day, a holiday that celebrates all the gloriousness that is “Mom.” It’s a day to show love and appreciation for the woman who raised you. But what if she didn’t do all that great of a job? Well, you're in luck, son! Screenjunkies has designed some very special greeting cards for the parentally challenged Mommy Dearests out there, and they can all be yours, right now. Send one with adoration, or send one with contempt, just as long as you send one. It’s really the thought that counts. Click on the TITLE of each video to take you to that card's individual page. Then forward the URL to Mom or Grandma! Or just send her the whole batch!
Though best known for her role as Ashley on the popular series "Fresh Prince of Bel-Air," Tatyana Ali has continued to act (to some peoples surprise), has not gotten arrested for drugs, has not had any children with loser men, and has launched a music career. A word from Tatyana: "It doesn't matter what the outcome is as long as I did it."The outcome matters if it's an STD. But if you get a pretty awesome sex story out of it, I guess it's worth it.More pics of Tatyana all grown up after the jump.
Every young actress in Hollywood is vying for the lead in The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo. It's like their Captain America.Executives at Sony insist that they are nowhere near casting the part, but Carey Mulligan, Ellen Page, Kristen Stewart, Mia Wasikowska, Natalie Portman, Keira Knightley, Anne Hathaway, Olivia Thirlby, and Scarlett Johannsen are actively campaigning for the role all the same. Mulligan has lunched with the screenwriter and Page has written a heartfelt note to the producer. Johannsen gave Hathaway an upper-decker and Kristen Stewart has just kinda stood around looking emo. Despite these sincere attempts, director David Fincher may cast an unknown for the part because he feels the material is strong enough to not require a name actress.Although Brad Pitt has reportedly been offered the male lead. They should just cast Angelina. I'm sure she has a dragon tattooed on her someplace. (Deadline)
"Mmmm, I'd like to be the meat in this sandwich."A little birdy told Deadline that Dwayne Johnson is sniffing the butt of a lead role in Fast & Furious 5, or the title Paul Walker wrote in crayon on his Trapper Keeper, Fast Five. Johnson is already starring in the revenge drama Faster where he'll also be driving fast. We got it, Rock. You're a man. You like fast cars, fast women, and eating chili peppers with Vin Diesel. It would be really cool if you'd let Paul tag along sometime. He doesn't think you guys like him. Awww, come back here, Paul! You weren't supposed to hear that!
Jedi drunk with power. There should be an aptitude test administered before such a title is granted. And I'm not talking about the physical abilities section. I'm talkin' Scantron, analogies, that crap. Otherwise you're going to graduate a slew of Jedi who pretend their lightsabers are dicks. (BuzzFeed)May these links be with you. Career Watch: Gerard Butler (Moviefone)How You Search for Boobs (Asylum)Heidi Montag's Surgery Obsession (PopEater)25 Awesome Motorcycle Helmets (HolyTaco)'Groundhog Day' Reimagined as a Crappy Rom-Com (FilmDrunk)15 Awesome Cyborg Animals (Unreality)When Bobsledding and Skateboarding Collide (TotalProSports)10 Best Donuts in America (Maxim)Daley Serves Koscheck at Pre-Fight Press Conference (CagePotato)Rihanna Butt Pics Collection (CelebJihad)15 Most Bizarre College Courses (Smosh)Blockbusters, Leading Actors, Undressed (Pajiba)10 Indie Awesome Comedies You Missed (MadeMan)NASCAR Skydiver Crashes (AllLeftTurns)20 Sexy Latinas (RegretfulMorning)
Variety reports FOX will release prequel Rise of the Apes on June 24, 2011, with Rupert Wyatt confirmed to direct. In a lie I just made up, he promised me he wouldn't cast Marky Mark or Helena Bonham Carter in any of the roles. Oooo Burton burn. Rise of the Apes is "an origins story set in present-day San Francisco. The film is a reality-based cautionary tale, where man's own experiments with genetic engineering lead to the development of intelligence in apes and the onset of a war for supremacy." When you play God with monkeys you get talking monkeys that can do math and read. Those skills alone make them superior to the average American!Peter Jackson's visual effects company WETA Digital will handle all of the effects on the film. They will render, for the first time ever in the film series, photo-realistic apes rather than costumed actors. Hmmmm, interesting (strokes sparse-haired chin). I hope they consider intermixing some practical effects as well. You really can't beat the realism of the apes in Congo.Stop playing God, Dylan Baker!!!
Professional sex-haver/indie film darling Sasha Gray has landed the role of Vince's girlfriend on the seventh season of "Entourage." From TV Guide: This is by no means a small cameo, but a major role as the new long-term girlfriend of Adrian Grenier’s Vince Chase. “I think Sasha’s going to have a very successful transition,” says Entourage creator Doug Ellin, who was impressed by the performer’s leading role in Oscar-winning director Steven Soderbergh’s 2009 film, “The Girlfriend Experience.” He won't admit it to TV Guide but Ellin was also impressed by the AVN Adult Movie Award winner's roles in Butt Sex Bonanza, Seinfeld: A XXX Parody, Butt Man's Stretch Class 3, Fox Holes, and I Wanna Bang Your Sister.It's said that Vince's new relationship is based off the past relationships of Charlie Sheen, which is a spoiler alert in and of itself. Her character is definitely going to end up dead in a ditch. I imagine that the plotline will require Turtle to dump her in the ocean, but opts for the ravine when he gets worried he'll scuff up his kicks if he drags her that far.
Kerry Washington starred in Ray alongside Jamie Foxx, who went on to win an Oscar. She then starred in The Last King of Scotland alongside Forest Whitaker, who went on to win an Oscar. Hey, male leads, you might want to look into working with Kerry. A word from Kerry: "I don't ever want to play a black prostitute."Then I suggest you keep getting acting gigs. More pics of the classy Kerry after the jump.
"Is your refrigerator runnin'?! J'amon!" Apparently Michael Jackson and Russell Crowe used to be the best of pals. After L.A. Confidential the two become very close, I assume because of their mutual adoration for Jerky Boys albums, and Jackson would often prank-call Crowe. The former gladiator told GQ UK, "A gruff voice would say something was wrong, then this tiny little voice said, ‘Don't worry. This is Michael."Don't worry?! That's when the worrying begins! I'd prefer a loan shark with emphysema and straight razors for hands than Michael Jackson. It's just a good thing Crowe wasn't in the same room. The Sorry, Wrong Number scenerio would have ended with a rotary phone embedded in the King of Pop's skull. (Vulture)
Kristen Wiig is ready to make repetitive funny noises in full THX Pro Cinema Sound. The "Saturday Night Live" star has shelled out her hard-earned MacGruber dough to option and adapt Monica Drake's novel Clown Girl. She's got her eye on the lead role of Nita aka Sniffles the Clown, a street fair entertainer struggling to make ends meet while trying to resist the lure of selling her body to clown fetishists.There are clown fetishists? THAT'S SICK! **He says as he scrubs grease paint out of his boxers** (Deadline)
They're linked like E.T. and Elliott.We were excited when we heard that J.J. Abrams would be tipping his hat to the early films of Steven Spielberg for his next directorial project. Only because we were certain we'd see an alien shark that hunts treasure. Apparently, that's NOT the case though.Turns out that his soon-to-premiere super secret-double-probationary teaser for Super 8 is not a Cloverfield sequel or prequel or squeekquel after all. It's a teaser for the joint he's doing with Spielberg. The one that doesn't feature any Nazi-killing alien sharks./Film has a source who saw the teaser and provided an in-depth description. I've posted it after the jump along with an EXCLUSIVE screen cap. Don't get mad at me if the information turns out to be wrong. I'm just telling you what a guy heard from another guy.TEASER SYNOPSIS AND SCREEN CAP AFTER THE JUMP…
Ultimate Parkour Challenge – Watch more Funny VideosAfter a decade of hell-raisin and hijinx in the Arctic Circle, MTV is bringing the Dudesons to the US of A. Same goes for parkour, but France instead of the Arctic Circle. Well, parkour has already been building in popularity in America (I blame Casino Royale), but now it's a live televised challenge! Check out a preview of all the crazy wall climbing and monkey action above. "The Dudesons in America" and "The Ultimate Parkour Challenge" premiere tonight on MTV @ 10/9c
Hells Angels founding member Sonny Barger OR Mickey Rourke circa 1994?In addition to Potsdamer Platz, Mickey Rourke is circling another Tony Scott project, and he's circling this one menacingly on a motorcycle while yelling hate speech. Typical Mickey.Rourke is up for the role of the outlaw Sonny Barger in Hells Angels, a script that Scott has been developing for ten years. Now, Scott Frank has been brought in to rework the script that tells the story of a young cop who infiltrates the nefarious gang. This is spot-on casting. I can't think of a single actor more appropriate than Mickey Rourke for the grizzled Hells Angels founder. You could have a motorcycle growing out of your ass, and Mickey Rourke would still be more appropriate for the role. (Deadline)
Why would you want to donate money toward the restoration of nutjob Stephen Baldwin when your charity could be used to get more of Joss Whedon's smoking hot ass-kicking chicks on the air? Think about it. The more you know. Shooting star.These links don't suck, just like Joss Whedon.Summer TV Premieres 2010 (TVSquad)Hot Weather Girls All Over the World (Asylum)Emma Watson Had An Awful First Week at College (PopEater)25 Sexy Corona Girls (HolyTaco)Kristen Bell Is So Hollywood Ugly (FilmDrunk)Gallery of Avatar Cosplay (Unreality)Rutgers Kid Provides Another Epic Faceplant (TotalProSports)25 Hottest Mexican Women (Maxim)Randy Wants a Shot at the Winnder of Shogun-Machida (CagePotato)Jessica Alba Shows Off Her Tramp Stamp (CelebJihad)30 Best Pinatas Ever (Smosh)A Tire That Explodes Heads (Pajiba)Cinco de Mayo: Arizona-Style (Atom)Mother's Day Gift Guide (MadeMan)Sneak Peak at the NASCAR Hall of Fame (AllLeftTurns)
There have been montages of mirror scares and company arriving in film, and now our friends at Pajiba have put together one of characters shouting, "Get out of there!" They may have managed to find the line in every movie ever made. Kudos, Guys. Now clean up your bags of Late Night Tacos Doritos and get some shut eye. And then GET THE HELL OUT OF THERE! (Pajiba)
Have you seen this man? Well, people across the world have seen him randomly in their dreams and I don't just mean ladies looking for a good time. Deadline reports that Bryan Bertino (The Strangers) is teaming up with Sam Raimi's Ghost House Pictures to bring this man's story to the screen.In This Man, the protagonist learns that he has been appearing in the nightmares of complete strangers. Ghost House has purchased the rights to www.thisman.org, a real website created by an Italian sociologist who has been tracking this real-life phenomenon. Insiders are referring to it as "a hair raising story that will be sure to delight horror fans.”Also delighted? Inevitable leading man Todd Barry.
Sara Underwood is a former Playboy Playmate of the Year and Oregon State University student. She's filled in for Olivia Munn on "Attack of the Show" and recently helped wash cars with a group of Princess Leias in bikinis. A word from Sara: "I hate closeminded people who think they know it all."You'll love me. My mind's as empty as my tolerance for people who are different than me. More pics of the Playmate after the jump.
Official.We've got official coming out of our asses today. So much official I decided to compile it all into one officially official post. Wookie, cue the official music! **Cue Salt n' Pepa**Kick-Ass director Matthew Vaughn is officially directing X-Men: First Class and 20th Century Fox has officially set a June 3rd, 2011 release date. The film will center on Charles Xavier and Erik Lensherr before they took the names Professor X and Magneto, and they were just two young men discovering their powers for the first time. And chillin'. Breaking Dawn, the final (yaaay!) film in the The Twilight Saga, has nabbed the official release date of November 18, 2011. It's recommended that Twi-Hards starting lining up at theaters after band practice and their orthodontist appointments today. A favorite film at Sundance this year, Cyrus, will officially open in select theaters on June 18, 2010. Jonah Hill will face off against himself, as Get Him to the Greek also opens that same day. Can theaters safely contain that much Jonah?Whew. Now THAT'S official, yo. (/Film,/Film,/Film)
It looks like John McClane won't retire from the murdering people in ridiculous ways business anytime soon. The super cop, who was last seen surfing on a jet, is being given another go-'round by 20th Century Fox. The studio is in talks with A-Team screenwriter Skip Woods to pen a fifth adventure for Bruce Willis's iconic ass-kicker.Woods is the only appropriate choice to write this film. McClane has already killed terrorists with icicles, giant fans, and gravity on a few occasions. Not to mention the time he killed a helicopter by launching a car at it. Who better to team him with than the writer responsible for a tank fighting a jet miles above the earth? I'm going to be sorely disappointed if this film doesn't have Bruce Willis tie the muzzle of a rifle into a bow so that it explodes in the gunman's hands. That's clearly the direction Fox wants to go in. (THR)
For Cinco de Mayo, Robert Rodriguez dropped a package off at the home of his AICN homies, and it turned out to be the "illegal" trailer for Machete hidden underneath a pound of tamales. Alright, I'm not certain about the tamales, but it's how I deliver all of MY packages.
"Lost" fans are no doubt on edge these days. Their favorite show is about to slip away and potentially leave behind a slew of unanswered questions. If only there were more time to solve them. Just a few minutes more. ABC has got your back.The network has agreed to extend the series finale by an extra half hour, airing it on Sunday, May 23rd 2010, from 9:00pm to 11:30pm. This will push back the local news, and Jimmy Kimmel's "Aloha to Lost" post-special, which will now air at 12:05 a.m.. If history is any indicator, this super-sizement is to make room for more advertisements. That breaks down to three minutes of show, five minutes of ads, repeat. I can't wait until they solve the mystery of the Hurley bird and how a man can enjoy Yoplait yogurt as much as his wife. (Live Feed)
Paul Rudd appeared in a sketch on "Tim & Eric" where he completes some morning work on his computer. Said work involves watching different versions of himself dance. Seems like more of an after lunch indulgence, but to each his own. (WarmingGlow)Tayne would love these links.Mickey Rourke Is Awesome at Not Caring (Moviefone)5 Signs 'Prince of Persia' Is Going to Such (Asylum)Justin Bieber Doesn't Know What 'German' Means (PopEater)25 Ridiculous Pinatas (HolyTaco)'Back to the Future'-Themed Wedding Proposal (FilmDrunk)LOST Actors in Their Earlier Years (Unreality)USHL Hockey Goalie Shoots and Scores (TotalProSports)Fine Ladies With Food Pics (Maxim)Overeem Thinks Fedor is Scared to Fight Him (CagePotato)Taylor Swift and Katy Perry are Lesbians (CelebJihad)25 Presumably Female Bodybuilders (Smosh)5 Most Evil Assholes in Hollywood (Pajiba)The Curse of NBA Jam (Atom)13 Ways Facebook Ruins Your Relationship (MadeMan)Mini Cooper Crashes Into Fans (AllLeftTurns)
Peter and Michael Spierig, the directors of Daybreakers and Unwatchable Undead, have been hired for a sequel to 1982's most child-brain-scarring puppet film The Dark Crystal. A press release from The Henson Company announced that the film will stay true to its puppetry roots and resist the overuse of CGI. But don't worry. It will be presented in price-gouging 3D. Which scares the crap out of me.I saw this film over 25 years ago and I still can't socialize properly or sleep through the night. I'm still haunted by nightmares where monsters pull their eyeballs out and attack elves that look like Julian Lennon. Now that Power of the Dark Crystal is on its way, I'll more than likely go full-on shed-living recluse. Guess I'd better start getting use to the taste of squirrel and other rodents. **dials Zen Chinese Kitchen** (Henson)
On-set romances always end badly.James Van Der Beek will soon have another poster to add to his fictitous wall. For his next project, Steven Spielberg will send a horse to war. The Saving Private Ryan director optioned Michael Morpurgo's novel War Horse, a story about a horse on the front lines of World War I as he inspires his platoon and longs to return to the farm on which he was raised.I'm really looking forward to the inevitable scene where the horse shows the other soldiers a photograph of the philly he's gonna marry back home. Movies like this always have those. (Variety)
Perfect. Lindsay Lohan is officially set to play 70s porn star icon/oral pleasure pioneer Linda Lovelace in the biopic Inferno. The film's producer Walid Razaqi confirmed that Lohan secured the part, and that they'll be an official announcement at the Cannes Film Festival. Razaqi stated, "For at least a year, the director and I have gone back and forth imagining how awesome of a performance she could give if she was in the movie." Please be more specific, Walid. Were you guys hangin' down in the basement, passing the Sunny D and discussing Lohan's depth and range as an actor, or did one of you casually hold up a banana and say, "I bet Lindsay Lohan could take all of this."This isn't the first racy project Lohan has taken on since she entered Phase 2 of career suicide. She attempted to get asses in the seats again by playing a stripper in I Know Who Killed Me, and she'll appear topless in Machete just for the hay of it. Deep Throat seemed like a sensible next step. (LATimes)
Anya Monzikova is a textbook example of why Russian chicks are so ungodly hot. Growing up in Florida, she got her start modeling for various lingerie magazines until finally making her way into television modeling in shows such as "Deal or No Deal."A word from Anya: "I just stayed home watching TV and learning english by watching Sesame Street!"Only downside, no dirty talk during sex. Unless you're willing to learn a few new words, yes? Brush up on your Russian with more pics after the jump.
I'm only writing about this because I REALLY wanted to put together the above photoshop. Patrick Dempsey and Jamie Kennedy are maybe going to be a part of Transformers 3. Random much? Michael Bay must just be shouting out the names of people he sees on TV now. I'm sure Can't Buy Me Love and Scream were playing back-to-back on some network this past weekend.Depending on where you translate the interview that Dempsey gave to Brazilian website BOH it either says:“I start filming later this month in “Transformers 3″, which I play a character who is far more “dark” than others.”or:"Chicken patty sandwich."Don't ask me, I don't speak Portuguese.Jamie Kennedy told 8KUPD Arizona (he got interviewed by a license plate?) that he “had an interesting interview with the people behind the new Transformers movie and I may have a role in the movie.”More Transformers 3 casting news to come, but I really don't see it getting anymore exciting than this, people. (/Film)