Who better to convince children to rat on their touchy-feely parents than a trio of demonic dolls? Then the kids go cry to daddy about the scary puppets on TV and they get the belt again. Some marketing guru didn't think this PSA through very well.Don't make me tell you twice to click these links.What Do Comic Fans Think Of 'Jonah Hex' (Moviefone) 13-Foot Stay Puft Marshmallow Man Costume (Asylum) John Morris, The Voice of Andy In 'Toy Story' Speaks (PopEater) James Franco Really Likes Gay Stuff (FilmDrunk) Smoking Hot Marisa Miller Pictures (HolyTaco) "That Guy" Actor Of The Week: Joe Flaherty (Unreality) 10 Great Spoofs of the 'Psycho' Shower Scene (BroBible) Tiger Woods Love Child (TotalProSports) Hot California Gurls Pictures (Maxim) Rampage Blames Loss To Rashad (CagePotato) Justin Bieber Chatroulette (CelebJihad) 10 People You Don't Want At Your Pool Party (Smosh) The Pajiba 10 (1992 Edition) (Pajiba) Swat-Stickas (Atom) Anarchy In A Jam Jar (MadeMan) 5 People You Will Meet At The Beach This Summer (RegretfulMorning)
In his version of 3D, audiences walk out with a black eye.Martin Scorsese's next project is a 3D adaptation of Brian Selznick's novel The Invention of Hugo Cabret. The director has been quoted in the past saying that he doesn't like 3D just for 3D's sake, meaning stuff flying at your face is bunk, but it seems Scorsese has quickly changed his tune. According to his longtime editor Thelma Schoonmaker, who recently spoke to a masterclass at Aruba International Film Festival, Scorsese is all about getting up in your face with his film now:“Scorsese is in love with [3D]. He looked at Avatar and Alice [in Wonderland] and Scorsese didn’t feel that the 3D he saw was as interesting as in the old ones like Dial M for Murder and House of Wax. He’s decided he wants to be stronger with 3D to make it jump out at you. He’s going to go a little bit further with it.”Daaaaaaaamn, Marty. You dissed Cameron and Burton in one fell swoop. Actually your editor did by proxy, so maybe you should consider putting a muzzle on her.The Invention of Hugo Cabret is written by John Logan (Gladiator, Aviator) and stars Ben Kingsley, Sacha Baron Cohen, Asa Butterfield, and Chloe Moretz. It's Scorsese's first foray into 3D, and he's extremely excited about molding the technology to his very specific stylings. I'm personally jazzed to see this one on December 9th of next year. Even though it's a family film, I've read the book and can confirm that if you possess a soul you're guaranteed a whimsical good time. If you don't have a soul, you can proceed with killing helpless small animals in your mother's garden. (/Film)
Gary, take about one-million steps to the left.Gary Oldman must owe someone money. The extremely versatile and talented actor is set to star in the crime thriller Guns, Girls & Gambling alongside the not versatile and talented Dane Cook and Christian Slater. Alright, Slater deserves some cred, mainly for Kuffs, but still, Oldman stumbled into the wrong lukewarm jacuzzi. THR, mind telling us about the project?The story throws Elvis impersonators, Indians, modern cowboys, a 6-foot-tall blond assassin, a frat boy, a corrupt sheriff and a prostitute into a chase for a priceless American Indian artifact stolen during a poker game at an Indian casino.Slater plays a normal guy who in a drunken stupor joins an Elvis impersonation contest. Oldman is the contest’s mega-contender, and Cook will play the sheriff. . What? This movie sounds ridiculous. Any God-fearing American worth his salt knows that frat boys don't mess with prostitution or gambling. But if you say so, indie director Michael Winnick. I can suspend my disbelief for Dane Cook, but the mischievous frat boys plot line just doesn't hold water.
Natalie Zea made several guest stints on "The Shield" (one of the best shows ever!) playing a love interest to Michael Chiklis's Det. Vic Mackey. This would be the first time a television drama has taken the "Really Hot Woman Loves Fat Guy" conceit seen in almost every sitcom. She then showed her bare breasts in "Hung" while getting banged in a restaurant bathroom by Tom Jane, and is now Timothy Olyphant's ex-wife on "Justified." She looks amazing in a pencil skirt. A word from Natalie: "I have wonderful large cleavage with a contract and all the amenities… or I'm eating hummus." Whatever floats your boat. I'd be glade to share a tub of Sabra with you any day.More sophisticated pics of Natalie after the jump.
Marisa Millers Banned Guitar Hero Commercial – Watch more Funny VideosVictoria's Secret model Marisa Miller shot a commercial back in 2008 for Guitar Hero that was banned from television. If you have an issue with four half-naked Maria Millers dry humping guitars while their bosoms heave than you're probably a Socialist and I want nothing to do with you or your repressive ways.
I'm going to continue posting these porn parody trailers because I personally find it amusing when nasty sex gets shoehorned into anything, especially movies and TV shows that don't deserve such acts being forced on them. I wouldn't be so bold as to call these porn parodies "the rape of western media" but if major outlets pick up the term I want proper credit. Having said all that, New Sensations added boobies and stuff to The Breakfast Club! Imagine all of the confessions about parental abuse in the original film replaced with sexual innuendos. So basically, they stole our entire schtick at Screen Junkies. **Represses deep-seated emotions. Plasters on fake smile** Check out the porn parody trailer after the jump. Fingers crossed for the single "Don't You Forget About Missionary" in the full length movie.
I know how much you guys love info about movies that may never happen, so here are some photos from the set of The Hobbit. The film has no director, but people are working hard over in New Zealand to build The Shire. Once the project is completely dead they'll abandon the land, leaving prime, unpatroled real estate open for hobbit squaters. They're the worst kind of squaters.More c*ck tease pics after the jump.
Western flicks have been cattle-roping since the invention of the movie camera. So it's no surprise that sometimes they get a bit stale. Every so often, filmmakers jump into the genre with a little extra spice. Only, instead of coriander, they've got zombies, man-eating monsters, and gadgets.This week, Jonah Hex, based on the DC Comics series, adds a bit of the supernatural to Josh Brolin's archetypal old west anti-hero. Next year, we'll see the release of Cowboys & Aliens. It's no stretch, nowadays, to see modern westerns made with a little fantasical pizzazz, so we put together a short history of supernatural motifs in the genre.
Sweet mother of us all! This Predator's scary vagina mouth is the most horrifying thing I've seen since Love Actually.In this newly released photo from the upcoming Robert Rodriguez-produced film, one of the Predators displays his fangs in an all-out attempt to cause Danny Trejo's character to poop his pants. I'm assuming it didn't work, since Danny Trejo is the most menacing thing in the galaxy. Even so, it's pretty bad ass. See more freaky Predators pics after the jump.
Nic Cage Wants His Cake – Watch more Funny VideosWho would have thought something so great could come from the Brett Ratner-directed film The Family Man? I want this song as my ringtone. Verizon, make it happen! (FilmDrunk)I want these links!'Sons of Archery' Creator Fires Back About Pending Lawsuit (TVSquad) 'Ghostbusters' Burlesque–Stay Puft In Go-Go Boots, Slimer Bares All (Asylum) ShamWow Guy Vince Shlomi Pitches Eminem Album (PopEater) 'Children Of Men' Director's CGI Epic Has 20-Min Opening Shot (FilmDrunk) Sexy Pics Of Catrinel Menghia (HolyTaco) Do You Believe In Destiny? (Unreality) Free Drake Concert Doesn't Happen, Erupts Into A Small Riot (BroBible) Chewy Cheers For The English (TotalProSports) Sex: Some Like It Hot (Maxim) Dave 'Pee Wee' Herman Talks Contract Dispute With Bellator (CagePotato) Jennifer Love Hewitt Flashes Cleavage In Attempt To Land Husband (CelebJihad) 20 Chuck Norris Motivators (Smosh) 'The Shat' Directs a Documentary About Himself (Pajiba) Johnny B. Homeless-Beer Pong Adventures (Atom) USB Typewriter (MadeMan)
BREAKING: Cameron Diaz loooooooves c*ck.In what I'm sure wasn't in any way an attempt to boost the box office success of her upcoming film Knight & Day, Cameron Diaz spoke with Playboy about earning frequent flyer miles for c*ck, among other things. Ugh, why do celebrities make it so easy sometimes? I try to utilize my razer sharp wit, and then Diaz goes mouthing off about how she's constantly on the prowl for c*ck. She even said "C*CK." No euphemisms or anything.Check out the highlights from Movieline while I go try to find news that pushes my limits:On romance: “Oh gosh, I can’t even count how many times I’ve gotten on a plane for love. It’s not unusual in this business; my lifestyle demands it. I’m always traveling for [whispers] cock. You’ve got to go where it is.”MORE BLATANT P.R. AFTER THE JUMP.
Our hopes of seeing a vampire use his fangs to perform a Caesarean section have just gone down in flames. Screenwriter Melissa Rosenberg has informed the LA Times that Breaking Dawn's gory birthing scene will happen off-screen. Seltzer and Friedberg wouldn't pussy out like that.On the fan site, on Facebook, all the comments are "It has to be R rated! You have to show the childbirth! Gore and guts and sex!" For me it's actually more interesting to not see it. You know, you can do childbirth without seeing childbirth … it doesn't mean it's any less evocative of an experience.Yes, you can do childbirth without seeing childbirth. But when that childbirth features an accelerated pregnancy that kills the host from the inside out, causing a f*cking vampire to eat his way through the mother's stomach in order to deliver the baby, which can run around and has complete awareness, you'd better show the childbirth. But whatever. I'm not a screenwriter. If you're not going to show the delivery, don't even THINK of making us sit through the boring lamaze class scene. Those are always the same.
"Is that boy's head on fire?"Mark Neveldine and Brian Taylor, the two directors behind the tweeked-out Crank films, are negotiating to stab their hypodermic needle of creativity into the heart of the Ghost Rider sequel, entitled Ghost Rider: The Spirit of Vengeance. Nic Cage will return as Johnny Blaze, the stuntman with a serious dry scalp problem.The film needs to go into production before November or Columbia loses the rights, so who better to take a chokehold on the project than the guys who directed two movies where speed is a major component. I can't imagine the sequel to Ghost Rider could turn out any worse than the original. Neveldine and Taylor are basically getting permission to play with fire, and I fear not even the craft services table would be safe from their wrath. When Neveldine spots crafty serving up bananas foster across the stage, you know he's gonna want to bathe in those flames. (THR)
The Internet used to suck. The Internet is good for a few things besides revitalizing Betty White's career, and Middle Men is here to remind us of that. The new film is inspired by the brave heros who brought porn to the Internet, and molded it into the universe it has become. Luke Wilson stars as a businessman who helps guide the first online billing company that deals exclusively with adult entertainment. Judging from their unkempt look and sparring habits, Giovanni Ribisi and Gabriel Macht co-star as the staff of ScreenJunkies.com. Oh, I've just been told that they play the programmers who invent the billing method. I was close. Soon the trio are caught in the middle between porn stars, fabulous riches, Russian mobsters, the FBI, and Luke Wilson once again has to tangle with Mr. Henry. It's weird to see him without Rowboat. PAY SOME RESPECT TO THE INTERNET'S HERITAGE AFTER THE JUMP…
UPDATE: HBO, Starz, and FX are also interested in this project. Everyone wants Kool-Aid!!!Kevin Spacey wants you to drink his Kool-Aid. The actor, who doesn't do a half-bad job of portraying psychos, is in talks with Showtime to star in a series called 'The Crux', in which he would play the leader of a high-profile cult. Rod Lurie, the writer-director of the underrated jailhouse flick The Last Castle, would pen the pilot script and most likely exec-produce the series.Spacey would have to wedge the show into his already full schedule of movie roles and being the artistic director for London's Old Vic Theatre. See, this is why you never take a job at some artsy-fartsy live stageshow joint. It restricts you from doing things people care about. Oh sure, educated people adoooooore the theater, but really, who talks that much in one room? (Vulture)
Julia Jones may not be in the twilight of her career yet but this natural beauty from Beantown will showcase her talents in two back-to-back movies this summer, Jonah Hex as a busty prostitute named Cassie and The Twilight Saga: Eclipse as she-wolf Leah Clearwater. Not bad for a former model turned actress, who was last seen in the Tarantino flophouse Hell Ride.A word from Julia: "If you try to scowl, just for four hours straight, you will start feeling pretty pissed off. I'm not kidding."Yeah because you're scowling for four hours straight. If I'm doing anything for four hours straight I'd get pissed off. Yes, even eating nachos.More pics of Julia smiling after the jump.
I'm still not sure which is more annoying, the vuvuzela or Shelley Duvall. (FYeahDementia)
Director: Zack SnyderCast: Emilie de Ravin,Jim Sturgess, Geoffrey Rush, Abbie Cornish, Rachel TalylorSynopsis: Soren, a young barn owl, is kidnapped by owls of St. Aggie's, ostensibly an orphanage, where owlets are brainwashed into becoming soldiers. He and his new friends escape to the island of Ga'Hoole, to assist its noble, wise owls who fight the army being created by the wicked rulers of St. Aggie's. The film is based on the first three books in the series.Release Date: September 24, 2010
We avoided posting the teaser trailer for Zack Snyder's Legends of the Guardians because our managing editor Col. Hans Longshanks wasn't into it. But now he is, so here's the full-length trailer. I'm not sure what experience he had with owls in the interim that changed his mind, but he has been acting weird since he went to that sweat lodge. Or more accurately, the day he didn't notice the gas leak in his apartment. All in all, Guardians looks great. But be careful while watching. You may find yourself enjoying the soundtrack before you realize it's Thirty Seconds to Mars. Not this time, Leto! CHECK OUT THE TRAILER AFTER THE JUMP. IT HAS OWLS.
Daniel Tosh is back as master curator of viral videos. He chooses, pokes fun at, and even parodies some of the distractions you wait for your co-workers to IM you on a daily basis. One such video that I'm sure you helped infect the internet with is the Worst Wedding DJ Ever. The guy basically plays the bongos on a woman's floppy boobies. So why wouldn't Tosh get Motley Crue drummer and known lothario Tommy Lee to reenact that? Check out Lee beating away on some "cymbals" after the jump. "Tosh.0" premieres tonight at 10:30PM/9:30c on Comedy Central.
Hopefully this chair was burned after the shoot. Russell Crowe is sorry and trying to atone for his violent, dangerous past by putting his skills to use helping those who need protection and/or the use of a phone. Not in real life though. Never in real life. Despite The A-Team's belly-flop onto hard concrete this past weekend, Crowe has been attached to a remake of the vengeance-for-hire series "The Equalizer." Crowe will play Robert McCall (originated by Edward Woodward), a former secret agent determined to help those in need via a newspaper ad. I imagine this will be modernized to a Craigslist ad. Because those in need certainly always have a $2,000 laptop and a costly Verizon FiOS connection. (LA Times)
I remember it looking a lot cooler when I was eight.The much anticipated (by me) remake of The Monster Squad has come one step closer to completion with the addition of two new screenwriters. Mark and Brian Gunn (cousins, not husbands) have signed on to pen the reboot of Fred Dekker's 1987 classic.Assuming they don't totally ruin the film by going the Twilight route, it will be nice to see a vampire that wants to kill teenagers, not fall in love with them. Unless, of course, they base the Dracula character on my creepy Uncle Mike, who liked to do both. (Hollywood Reporter via Dead Central)
This film demeans us all, Papa Smurf.Sony has released the first photo from its upcoming movie, The Smurfs, and all I can say is hold on to your white, slightly phallic-looking hats! The picture depicts Grouchy, Papa and Clumsy Smurf in…get this…NEW YORK CITY!Magically transporting a fictional character into the real world can only be described as wildly original. But to go the extra mile and place them in such an obscure location goes above and beyond. I didn't even know you could film movies in New York! Of all the places for the Smurfs to end up, NYC has to be the craziest! That town moves a mile a minute! Talk about a fish-out-of-water story!The trailer for the film comes out this Thursday, but I don't need to wait until then to declare this movie an instant classic.* The only thing that could make it any better would be if they got George Lopez to do a voice. That would be tits! (First Showing)*I'm trying really hard to be less of a sarcastic prick, but holy crap, Sony! What choice do I have? Did you learn nothing from Space Jam!
The oil spill destroys yet another beach.In today's economy, job security is almost non-existent. This is even true for those of us who get paid to be a raging douche bag and/or herpes spreading skank.TMZ is reporting that at least half the cast of "Jersey Shore" is facing the chopping block after MTV executives were "underwhelmed" by their performances this season. Obviously, this means there's been an overall decline in the number of teenage viewers renouncing Jesus Christ as their lord and savior, and someone at the network needs to be held accountable.The cast members in question are Lenny, Squiggy, Amerigo and "The C-Word." (TMZ)
Basically…in your face! (Videogum)This guy also met these links.'Psycho' Turns 50 (Moviefone)When Is It Legal To Masterbate In Public? (Asylum)Elton John Sings Praises Of 'Sweet' Rush Limbaugh (PopEater)Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World, Old School-Style Video Game (FlimDrunk)Why Comedians Die Young (HolyTaco)7 Movie Theme Amusement Parks I'd Like To See Open (Unreality)20 Things You Should Never Google Image Search (BroBible)Free Diver Free Falls Into Blue Hole (TotalProSports)Most Wanted: Jenn Sterger (Maxim)The Ulitmate Fighter 11 Finale: The New Guys (CagePotato)Kim Kardashian Flashes Boobs And Butt In A Bikini (CelebJihad)Touchdown Jesus Burns! (Smosh)Respect My Authority, Please? (Pajiba)The Adventures Of Johnny B. Homeless (Atom)3D Nintendo DS (MadeMan)15 Things You Never Knew About Evel Knievel (RegretfulMorning)
Turtle takes a hit while covered in gasoline, the dummy. Uuuuuggghhhhh. "Entourage" is coming back and it looks like "Entourage." Vince is having complications with a movie he's starring in (wank), Drama can't get work (wank, wank), Turtle's trying to be an entrepreneur (wankity wank), E's trying to find grown men's suits that fit him and getting all gaga over Sloan (wankity doo), and Ari is yelling at people about agency expansion, growth, and erections (waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaank). These are what we at SJ like to call "rich man problems." Not having enough water to fill your cup of Ramen Noodles up to the indented line, that's a poor man problem. Unless your Turtle. I guess for him that could be a considered a rich man problem. The kid's gotta eat. "Entourage" premieres on HBO Sunday June 27th at 10:30PM EST. Check out the trailer after the jump…
Back in college, we played so much Goldeneye that my friend instinctively ran off the basketball court during a big game because he noticed a blue backpack that resembled the game's body armor in the bleachers. Now, a new version of the game is making its way to the Wii and it looks amazing, and Daniel Craig-y. My college friends have all scattered, so I'll need to round up three willing competitors. I think I'll ask my building's security guard. I bet he's good with a gun, and at spying on people in the bathroom. There will definitely be a "No Oddjob" rule in effect. He always aims for the kneecaps and that's just bullsh*t. CHECK OUT THE MOVIE-RELATED GAME TRAILER AFTER THE JUMP…
Can't get enough of vampires, even the sparkly kind? Does high-fructose corn syrup mixed with red food coloring really get you amped? Feverishly writing your own script for Troll 3? Then you might want to check out Break's newly-risen Horror Channel, the internet's latest resting place for all things creepy, scary and at least partially undead.Not only will you find trailers for all of the latest horror flicks, you'll find the best in short videos, extras for films & TV shows and web-based horror series. Or, if you just want to browse by your particular horror fetish — er, genre — you can do that, as well. Think of the Horror Channel as Screen Junkies's ugly, disfigured cousin we keep in the cellar and feed fish heads. He's too disturbing to play in our sandbox, so we made him one of his very own. God only knows what it's filled with though.Stalk on over to the Horror Channel HERE.
Behold the awesome power of the laugh track. When added to the dark drama "Breaking Bad" it magically turns it into a sitcom about a zany father who won't leave his house. My favorite part of the video is the title sequence. They did a great job of cutting together the wackier character moments of the show. After that, the laugh track works in some parts, but I wouldn't exactly say there's a whole lot of set-up/punchline riffing. Let's not forget, the show is about a guy who sells meth and whose lung cancer is in remission. Cue the chuckles! Check out the "Breaking Bad" sitcom after the jump…
It's like the fish is his boner.The Incredible Mr. Limpet is a movie that was made nearly 50 years ago about a cartoon fish that fights Nazis. No wait, don't stop me. Seriously, Don Knotts played a man who transformed into a fish and left his old life behind to take on German U-boats in the ocean. Don't look at me like that, it's a real thing! Anyway, now Warner Bros. wants Zack Galifianakis to star as Mr. Limpet in the remake to be directed by Kevin Lima (Enchanted).The LA Times points out that "The Incredible Mr. Limpet has always seemed like one of those Hollywood remake projects that actually makes sense." Really, Steven Zeitchik of the LA Times? The movie didn't make sense back when it was originally conceived, and now you think in this post-post-post WWII era audiences are hungry for a Nazi fighting flounder? Granted, Inglourious Basterds did well, but that concept was easier to go along with, even if they did killer Hitler in the end **Retroactive Spoiler Alert!** But okay, let's make Galifianakis a fish. Whatever. I give up.