The impossible task of squeezing Kevin James into a stock car has most likely led to his newest project. The comedian has agreed to fall down and get hit in the groin a lot in an untitled mixed martial arts movie. In the film, James stars as a teacher who moonlights as a mixed martial artist in order to prevent budget cuts from shutting down the school's music program. If Sony is truly in need of a title for this, may I suggest Mr. Hollandaise's Opus? Because he's very fat, you see.
Please make all checks out to cash. (Deadline)
Blowing out magical birthday candles, touching an ancient artifact, pissing off a gypsy, and wanting to bang Olivia Wilde so hard. All are now acceptable catalysts for the plots of body swapping comedies. Wilde just joined the cast of David Dobkin's The Change Up.
In the film, Jason Bateman plays a married man who switches bodies with his slacker best friend Ryan Reynolds. Wilde plays a co-worker of Bateman and is cited as a reason for the body swap. I assume that means so that he could bang her. I guess it could mean something else, but this is what makes the most sense to me. It's the perfect plan, and I'm sure guys everywhere are going to try to pull it off themselves. Now Hans, here. Hold this live electrical wire at precisely the same time as me. (Deadline)
He came back as M. Night Shyamalan.
Daniel Stamm, director of The Last Exorcism, has agreed to direct the M. Night Shyamalan-produced Reincarnate, formerly titled Twelve Strangers. The film, scripted by Chris Sparling (Buried), follows a jury haunted by supernatural forces while deciding the fate of an accused murderer. Shyamalan and Sparling clearly get their kicks by locking people in things. Ryan Reynolds in a coffin, random people and the Devil in an elevator, and now jury members in a room. I hope the jury at least gets sandwiches. …Sandwiches tormented by supernatural forces. TWIST! (Deadline)
The Town is filled with juicy actor soliloquies and detailed action sequences, but they are heinously pieced together in a by-the-numbers dramatic plot laden with one mushy romance.
From the action-packed prologue we think that we will be in for a ride through the criminal and FBI robbery division world of the Charlestown neighborhood of Boston, Massachusetts. Yet after the opener, the movie rolls downhill into a story about Charlestown townie bank robber Doug MacRay (Ben Affleck emoting with smirks, scowls, and sad watery eyes), who should really get the hell out of Boston before he ends up dead or in prison. MacRay shares this fate with his fellow bank robbing partner Jim Coughlin (Jeremy Renner in another intense performance) while finding love with a recent bank teller hostage Claire Keesey (Rebecca Hall) and being pursued by the frumpy FBI robbery agent Fawley (Jon Hamm showing that he is far more comfortable playing Don Draper than this sexless, boring-ass of a crusader here).
More after the jump…
Emma Stone is the redheaded best friend who you wish you could have banged in your Millenium Falcon bed back in high school. With each occurring role Emma finds herself becoming the sexy/cool/geek crossover girl of the decade. Her latest movie Easy A may not beat out your favorite high school movie, but at least it will have some brains to go with the boobs for 90 minutes.
A word from Emma: "My latest obsession would be movies, probably. It would be just going to see movies and the entertainment industry. It sounds stupid, but that's pretty much what I do."
You sound like a blogger. Gross. Kidding! Are you free for Chipotle on Friday?
More pics of Emma after the jump…
“The Big Bang Theory” brings its A game when it moves to Thursdays. They’ve got an episode that should keep all their fans comfortable with the new night, and it’s broad enough that it won’t scare off the Thursday night visitors.
It comes up with a situation that certainly puts Sheldon (recent Emmy winner Jim Parsons) in a position to let his personality loose. There’s also a technology story that’s a little lowbrow, but in an intellectual context. The A and B story provide a good balance of relationship humor and nerd humor. I’m surprised it took the show this long to go where the B story goes.
More after the jump…
The first trailer for The Tourist starring Johnny Depp and Angelina Jolie and directed by Florian Henckel von Donnersmarck (use a acronym, dude) is up. The remake of the French film Anthony Zimmer stars Depp as a bumbling American who becomes embroiled in a plot to blah, blah, blah. Angelina Jolie co-stars as a spy for the eleventy-billionth time in her career, and does her best Gemma Arterton impression. Also, there is tango dancing. It's mandatory that spies tango.
Watch the trailer after the jump…
Screen Junkies fans (yes, we have them) Sara and Janelle decided to show off their new gear by having a movie night. They sent us the pics and now I share them with you. I call this piece "S&J For SJ."
Well hello, Ladies. Where'd you get that snazzy swag?
Circa 1996, when VHS and 'Tin Cup' were popular.
"How are we gonna play these?!"
MTV is continuing to diversify its creative landscape (translation: showing less Ke$ha videos) by picking up two new scripted programs. Following the lead set by nerd-with-massive-hog dramedy "The Hard Times Of RJ Berger," the network has greenlit "That Girl" and "Death Valley."
"That Girl" tells the story of a high school student who becomes popular after an accident leads her classmates to believe she attempted suicide. "Death Valley" is a feaux-documentary series starring Ben Linus's hot daughter from "Lost" Tania Raymonde as a monster hunter in the San Fernando Valley. Think of it as somthing like "Buffy" meets "Cops." Or like "Ghosthunters" but with actual plots and events happening. (THR)
Funny little video that won't take up too much of your time. If you enjoy "Community" you should watch. Then you can go back to your nap. (Vulture)
Peeps these links if you're not too sweepy.
Ryan Reynolds Is Returning To TV? (TVSquad)
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7 Frustrating Creationist Policies In Public Schools (Ranker)
Online Sperm Banks May Not Be Trustworthy (HolyTaco)
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6 Things We Hope To Learn From 'The Social Network' Movie (EgoTV)
If I Wanted Mindless Entertainments, I'd Go To The Movies (Pajiba)
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The Most Ingenious Geek Costumes Ever (Smosh)
What 's Your Funniest Or Craziest Learning-To-Drive Story? (BroBible)
Emma Watson Bring Back The Brigette Nelson Look (CelebJihad)
Hot Potato: Melissa Jo, 'Southern Belle With A Twist' (CagePotato)
Jamie Foxx Wants To Golf With Halle Berry (PopEater)
Healthy Alternative Pizza Toppings (MadeMan)
“How I Met Your Mother” is a comedy with as many secrets as “Lost.” I can’t really spoil anything that happens in the season premiere, so I’ll just try to talk about the comedy and tease the cool stuff that develops in the plot.
It opens with something that a new viewer to the show might think is a big reveal. Of course we know they never get right to the point. They like to set up some future event and then go back and slowly lead back up to it until we realize what we thought we were seeing wasn’t actually what we were seeing.
More after the jump…
I had an interesting experience with “Outsourced.” I watched it over the summer and wasn’t impressed. It just didn’t make me laugh. I didn’t care if it was offensive or not, it just wasn’t funny. Then I saw it again with an audience at a public screening and it got more laughs, and was endearing. I had the same experience with “Community” last year, although “Outsourced” isn’t as good as “Community” even the second time around.
It’s a weird conundrum. What good is playing well to a crowd on TV? Most of the time we’re going to watch it by ourselves. I guess it can give you a quicker sense of the elements that might grow on you in repeat viewings. It won’t take several episodes to realize Abed and Troy are the funny ones if you see people laughing at them right away. That’s “Community” though. “Outsourced” still doesn’t have an Abed and Troy.
More after the jump…
Gary Ross is the frontrunner to direct the child gladiator epic Hunger Games. Though the deal is not in place yet, the Pleasantville and Seabiscuit director is now in talks with Lionsgate to murder childeren in what is expected to be the first film in a huge franchise.
The film tells the story of teenagers between the ages of 12 and 18 who are sacrificed by their communities to take part in a reality show where they hunt one another for sport. Obviously no casting has been announced yet, but I'm pulling for Justin Bieber. (Deadline)
I’m always happy when I get an episode of “The Simpsons” early. I haven’t missed one in 22 years. It was appointment viewing and VCR taping long before there was DVR. Now getting a screener just gives me a bonus treat, since I’m so up to date I’m jonesing for the newest one.
This season’s premiere is really guest star centric and the best jokes are courtesy of the guests. That’s unusual because usually guest stars play minor roles, or at least they’re in on the “Simpsons” joke. This one really depends on them.
More after the jump..
As if the The Human Centipede isn't a sick enough concept, now there's a porn parody. The Human Sexipede is sure to be jam packed with ATM that the captive test subjects will think is icky at first, but then totally embrace. The final line from the mad scientist in the trailer really sums up the entire production. If any of you guys see the full movie let me know how it is. I'm going to stand by the fact I haven't already watched it ten times today.
Check out The Human Sexipede trailer after the jump…
To crush your enemies. See them driven before you. And to hear the lamentation of Jay Leno. (LaurenMoran)
The new comedy “Raising Hope” is a family show, Fox-style. Jimmy (Lucas Neff) still lives at home with his parents (Martha Plimpton and Garret Dillahunt) and grandma (Cloris Leachman). They’re…
Hold the phone! Longtime fan of hitting things, Russell Crowe has signed on to do BFF the RZA a solid by slumming it in the rapper's shoddily-directed kung fu flick, The Man With The Iron Fist. The only thing we know about Crowe's character is that he'll be playing "the baddest man alive." Shouldn't be a stretch. He's already regarded as one of the baddest musicians alive.
Crowe is more than likely doing this as a favor to his friend and oft co-star, so it's unlikely his labor will take that big of a bite out of the movie's $20 million budget. The craft service budget on the other hand… (E!)
Known as 'Girl in Bed' on Spike TV's "MANswers," Kaye Marie is making the rounds as anonymous hot blonde girls in TV shows. This week, she'll be showing up as Hooker #1 in the season premiere of "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia." It's nice to know there will be a hooker.
More pics of Kaye after the jump…
Where the roaring 1920s lights of a F. Scott Fitzgerald novel meet with the violent crime sagas of a Scorsese classic, this what you can find in the fast-paced and explosive new gangster series “Boardwalk Empire.”
On the eve of 1920 with his pockets full of cash and liquor in a high demand due to prohibition, Enoch 'Nucky' Thompson (played with tough talk and weak posture by Steve Buscemi) is at the top of his game as the Treasurer over the swinging and swindling lights of Atlantic City. Thompson has everything in place to create Atlantic City as the speakeasy capital of the world but as high stakes prove he has a lot more coming this way as the infamous decade will come of age in gangster warfare, political upheaval, and a crash and burn economy.
More after the jump…
Actor Stephen Lang performs 'The Moose' at West London's Shadow Puppet Repertory Theatre.
Steven Spielberg's blatantly inspired by Avatar television project "Terra Nova" has just picked up a new castmember. Avatar's Stephen Lang has joined the show just as it loses its executive producer over creative differences.
Lang, whose star rose when he played the charismatic and ruthless leader of the Marines on the prehistoric Pandora settlement for James Cameron, will play the charismatic and ruthless leader of the prehistoric Terra Nova settlement. But this time he won't sport a badass scar.
It's really more of a slow-healing bruise. (Deadline)
You might think since George Lazenby only got to play James Bond once, it must’ve meant he sucked. Actually, On Her Majesty’s Secret Service is considered one of the best Bond movies ever. If you’re a Bond fan and you haven’t seen it, watch it now. It really holds up especially well after the gritty Daniel Craig ones. Once you see it, you’ll really want to know more about the mysterious one time only Bond.
41 years later, Lazenby has a sense of humor about it. He goes out to autograph signings and he attended an American Cinematheque showing of On Her Majesty’s at the Aero Theater in Santa Monica. After conflicting stories on DVD extras and books and articles, Lazenby told the audience what really happened on his Bond movie.
Lauren Ambrose is beefing up her awesome comedy resume by joining Paul Rudd, Jennifer Aniston, and Justin Theroux in David Wain's Wanderlust. Ambrose, who is best known for roles in "Six Feet Under" and Can't Hardly Wait but better known to me as a girl who visited my college for a week and may have quite possibly made number twosies in my bathroom (unconfirmed), will play a member of a commune that Rudd and Aniston's characters encounter during their move to Atlanta in the Judd Apatow-produced film.
With her "Six Feet Under" co-stars Michael C. Hall and Peter Krause both finding success on the small screen, this may just be the launching pad that launches Ambrose into the mainstream. At the very least, it will ensure that she gets to make awkward small talk with Martin Starr at a future Apatow Family barbeque. (Variety)
Above: Steve Buscemi in the upcoming HBO series, "Boardwalk Empire."
Rampart just got a whole lot sexier. Actor Steve Buscemi has joined the cast of the upcoming crime drama, which already includes Sigourney Weaver, Ice Cube, Woody Harrelson and Robin Wright. Buscemi, an obvious inspiration to Internet writers everywhere, will reportedly play the awesome ugly dude everybody likes even though he's ugly.
The script for Rampart was written by Oren Moverman and novelist James Ellroy. Ellroy's involvement means that the film will be set in L.A., and will involve the LAPD, probably with a healthy dose of police corruption and racial slurs thrown in for good measure.
Filming is set to begin in October. (Empire Online)
How many Italians does it take to make The Irishman? At least four, from what I can tell.
Deadline is reporting that Al Pacino and Joe Pesci are joining Robert De Niro for Martin Scorsese's planned adaptation of I Heard You Paint Houses, a book chronicling the life of Frank “The Irishman” Sheeran, a reputed hitman who some suspect was behind the disappearance of Teamsters president Jimmy Hoffa.
While the film would mark the first Scorsese/De Niro collaberation since Casino (1995), chances are it won't begin production anytime soon. Scorsese is currently working on Hugo Cabret and doing press for the HBO series, "Boardwalk Empire." The famed director is also slated to film a Frank Sinatra biopic, which would further postpone any work on The Irishman.
Personally, all this talk about Irishmen and Italians is making me a little uncomfortable. Like my grandma always said, the only people worth a good god damn come from eastern Bulgaria. It's our world, and you punks are just living in it. International calling code 395 4 life, bitch! (Collider)
Here are some demonic dolls for those of you who can't get enough Betty White.
These links easily fit inside one another.
'The League' Talks Guest Stars, D**k Jokes, and Season 2 (TVSquad)
The Biggest Unpaid Stripper Bills Ever (Asylum)
Top 10 Hottest Homoerotic True Blood Moments (Ranker)
MILF Monday: Claudia Schiffer (HolyTaco)
Mark Zuckerberg Removes 'The West Wing' From Favorite Shows (FilmDrunk)
Girls In Showers (Maxim)
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A Gallery Of Odd Celebrity Tattoos (EgoTV)
Mickey Rourke Seeks 'Meatier' Roles (Pajiba)
Marliyn Manson Loves 'Eastbound And Down' (Unreality)
The Dallas Cowboys' Comedy Of Errors (TotalProSports)
Brooklyn Carnival Celebrates (Smosh)
The 10 Best Things About The Chicks At Boston College (BroBible)
Miley Cyrus Fat Face In Little Black Dress (CelebJihad)
Ricky Hatton Had A Sh*ty Weekend (CagePotato)
Ryan Gosling And Michelle Williams Have Messy, Toxic Sex Scene (PopEater)
Buy Beckham's Mansion (MadeMan)
Warning: This clip from Danny Boyle's 127 Hours doesn't contain any of James Franco's arms getting cut off. Warning: It does contain Kate Mara getting wet. If you believe the latter might make you faint or nauseous I suggest you go no further.
Audience members at the Telluride and the Toronto Film Festivals have been passing out and seizing do to the graphic nature of 127 Hours. The movie is about a dude who has to cut off his own arm after it gets really REALLY stuck in crevice **resists urge to make crevice joke**. If you know you can't handle that, why would you go see it?! Stay for the first half with the swimming and laughing, and leave once the screaming starts.
Check out the clip after the jump…
I’m not spoiling anything for “House” fans by saying that House and Cuddy got together at the end of last season. That’s what we’ve been waiting six years for and spent all summer thinking about.
I’ll discuss it vaguely, so skip this if you don’t want to know ANYTHING. I love the way they came back, I love the way they handled it, I love the character moments it offered for both actors. There, is that too spoiler-y? Oh, can I say it’s hot too? Something that happens in this episode is hot. But I won’t ruin the dirty details, I'll just give you the skinny.
More after the jump…
'Mad Men' star Jon Hamm is a serious contender for the lead in the planned Superman reboot, Latino Review is reporting. His physique, strong jaw, and slicked black hair make him a natural fit for the character. However, Hamm himself expressed reservations about playing a superhero in a recent interview with MTV.
"It's a tricky road to go down with some of those heroes, because they're not flawed. Superman is Superman – he's invincible, so where's the drama?"
Where's the drama with superheroes? Obviously this guy hasn't seen a little film called Fantastic Four: The Rise Of The Silver Surfer! If he had, he'd understand the ridiculousness of his statement. I hope the producers of the new Superman reboot do a careful vetting before they jump into bed with this guy.
It was this, or a pic of Jamie Lee Curtis. No offense to Curtis, but I stand by my decision.
Director James Cameron is heading back to the small screen with a planned television adaptation of True Lies. The 1994 film, starring Arnold Schwarzenegger as a secret agent and Jamie Lee Curtis as his bored, unknowing wife, was a box-office hit and also garnered critical acclaim. Deadline Hollywood is reporting that the series, which is about to be shopped to the networks, will be produced by Cameron's Lightstorm Entertainment and 20th Century Fox TV.
This marks Cameron's second foray into the world of television. In 2000, he produced the Fox series "Dark Angel," which only lasted two seasons, but still managed to introduce the world to the wonders of Jessica Alba's 19-year-old ass. Here's hoping that Cameron's latest effort has as profound an impact on our society.