If you felt the original Kung Fu Panda wasn't creepy enough, we've got some good news for you. Gary Oldman has signed on board for the sequel, which instantly increases the film's creepiness factor by 78%.Oldman plays a feathered character named "Peacock" who helps our panda hero track down the bad guys. However, it seems that Peacock may be more than he claims. My money is on a crooked DEA agent or perhaps Lee Harvey Oswald. Only time and a $20 movie ticket will tell. (EmpireOnline)
Collider is reporting that James Franco has signed on for Rise of the Apes, the upcoming prequel in the Planet of the Apes franchise. Franco is slated to play a scientist who, while working on a cure for Alzheimer's, befriends one of the test chimps known as Caesar. Caesar begins to learn at an astounding rate after being injected with a new anti-Alzheimer's drug. Franco's character takes pity on the intelligent creature, and informally adopts the animal in order to keep it safe. Big mistake.While it's far too early to judge the film, it has been reported that all of the apes will be the product of CGI rather than the traditional makeup and costumes worn in previous Ape films. And while I can't be certain, it would seem that this reboot pisses all over the grave of Ricardo Montalban by eliminating his character and altering the ape origin story. If Montalban was still alive, I'm pretty sure he'd protest by flinging his poo at James Franco. But he can't because he's dead, so I guess it really doesn't matter.Rise of the Apes hits theaters on June 24, 2011, baring some sort of monkey Apocalypse.
In Justin's defense, glass is transparent, much like his aw-gee-shucks-I-wouldn't-bang-your-daughter-and-leave-her-for-dead-on-the-side-of-the-road-if-I-had-the-opportunity shtick.These links are streak-free.50 Most Shocking TV Moments (TVSquad)Shy People Are Bad at Marriage (Asylum)Handcuffs Await Lindsay Lohan (PopEater)25 Sexy Robots (HolyTaco)Oh Boy, Another Whiny Emo Pussy (FilmDrunk)Sexy Disney Princesses (Unreality)15 Sexy Adriana Lima Pics (BroBible)Armed Thug Gets His Ass Kicked By Skaters (TotalProSports)21 Animals Riding Other Animals (Maxim)10 Most Notorious Lawsuits in MMA History (CagePotato)Miss USA Rima Fakih Is a Mossad Agent In a Bikini (CelebJihad)25 Delicious Om Nom Noms (Smosh)5 Most Anticipated New TV Shows (Pajiba)Atom TV with Paul F. Tompkins (Atom)Video Game-Inspired Lingerie (MadeMan)25 Examples of Chicks and Beer (RegretfulMorning)
Hustler is at it again with their newest porn parody. The trailer for This Ain't Glee: XXX has me kind of confused. It's obviously porn. And it's obviously gay. But then why isn't it considered gay porn? Sadly the trailer doesn't answer this question or feature Dianna Agron Naked or Dianna Agron Shaved or even Dianna Agron Hot. But it does feature terrible singing. That's what guys like in pornos, right? Lots of talking and singing?? Oh heck, I'd better stop. Probably getting the world all turned on right now. CHECK OUT THE PIPES ON THESE LADIES AFTER THE JUMP…
Akiva Goldsman (Left) and Ron Howard (Right) on the set of Inspector Gadget 2.Screenwriter Akiva Goldsman is putting down his pen and picking up his wand, or whatever instrument directors use while directing. The Oscar-winning writer is slated to make his directorial debut with the 20th Century Fox drama, Man and Wife. The film follows an assassin who falls in love with the woman he is supposed to kill. In most relationships, a man falls in love with a woman and then ends up wanting to kill her, but this film turns that convention on its head. Brilliant!You have to hand it to Goldsman, especially considering he wrote Lost in Space and Batman and Robin. A lesser man (like myself) or a traditional Japanese samurai would have committed ritual suicide after penning such awful scripts. But Goldsman kept at it and went on to do great things. Aside from trying his hand at directing, he is also producing the upcoming Jonah Hex film and is slated to adapt Stephen King's The Dark Tower for director Ron Howard. (Deadline)
The Parents Television Council has their panties in a bunch again, and this time the issue is over a word that isn't even a word. The new CBS comedy "$#*! My Dad Says" uses symbols to spell out the word "shit" and when spoken the naughtiness will be bleeped, but the PTC doesn't even want brains to get all filthy with interpretations.“CBS intentionally chose to insert an expletive into the actual name of a show, and, despite its claim that the word will be bleeped, it is just CBS’ latest demonstration of its contempt for families and the public. There are an infinite number of alternatives that CBS could have chosen but its desire to shock and offend is crystal clear in this decision,” said PTC President Tim Winter. "The title of this show is the opposite of fleeting (profanity) – it is bold, shameless, and in-your-face. It really is quite unreal how contemptious CBS is of families and the public. In fact, just this afternoon they released a new logo that's offensive to both parents and children alike.Not cool, The Eye. Not cool. (Deadline)
MTV is building up their stable of scripted material with the news that a "Teen Wolf" series will join "Hard Times of RJ Berger," "Warren the Ape," and "Skins" on the channel. The network has picked up a series order for the pilot we reported about previously. But don't dust off your What Are You Looking At, Dicknose? t-shirts just yet. This is MTV we're talking about, so of course it will lean closer to Twilight than it will the classic film Teen Wolf. Expect gratuitous abdominal muscle shots as opposed to light-hearted Michael J. Fox masturbating obsessively jokes. Turns out those don't really go over too well at parties anymore. Either that or I've been going to the wrong type of party. (THR)
On "All My Children," Leven Rambin played the autistic Lily Montgomery, as well as her street-smart but lovable older half sister, Ava Benton. So it must have been like a special ed Parent Trap sort of thing. Those soaps always take it to the next level.A word from Leven: "Even though I love fashion and all girl stuff, including the color pink, please know that I am not a 'Miss Priss'!"I like to imagine she gave that quote while sitting on a pink bed covered in pink throw pillows and chihuahuas in pink sunglasses. More pics of not Miss Priss after the jump.
"Coyote Falls"? I don't get it? After years in hiding, Bugs Bunny and the gang are headed back to the big screen. In a throwback to the golden age of Warner Brothers cartoons, the studio is releasing three 3D shorts that will run in theaters before feature-length films. In addition, Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck are getting their own 26 episode show on Cartoon Network.This is the first major announcement from the Looney Tunes since they were sexually assaulted by NBA great Michael Jordan on the set of Space Jam 14 years ago Brendan Fraser on the set of Looney Tunes: Back in Action 7 years ago. Since cartoon characters are not protected under the law, Brendan got off on a technicality. But the event was so traumatizing that Bugs and company quit showbiz and hadn't been heard from since. Luckily, time heals all wounds, even the really stretched out cartoon kind.The first of the shorts, "Coyote Falls", will appear before the film Cats & Dogs: The Revenge of Kitty Galore, which sounds stupid and opens on July 30. The TV series will premiere this fall, and will probably be canceled next spring. That's all, folks! (Coming Soon)
It's been a year since JJ "Jeezy" Abrams purchased the rights to "The Untold Story of the World's Biggest Diamond Heist," and today they've found a writer. It's an inspired choice. Phil Alden Robinson, who wrote and directed Field of Dreams, and co-wrote the heist movie classic Sneakers, has joined the untitled project. It's not clear at this time who will helm the picture, though we're pretty much guaranteed an excellent movie given the pedigree already behind the scenes.The film will be based off this Wired article about the real-life "heist of the century." In 2003, a small crew of Italian jewel thieves got past ten layers of security and made off with $100 million worth of diamonds. $100 million! Whistle noise!! Think of how stealing that much money would change your life! You could afford to hire Andy Garcia to pretend to be a guy embarrassed by all the diamonds you just stole from him. And if he's busy, you can always get Mark Strong. (THR)
All of you love watching movies. Many of you probably also enjoy the act of drinking cereal-malt and distilled beverages that you can purchase once you’ve reached the age of 21. Throw the two together with some friends (if you have none, works just as well) and you have yourself one excellent early-evening activity. Since you can make a game out of pretty much anything that plays on a screen (ads, soap-operas, etc), the following are a few of the better “battle-tested” samples: Dazed and Confused
That sandwich doesn't stand a chance with Belushi hanging around. UPDATE: I've added clips of the new shows after the jump. CBS announced its new schedule of shows that you will avoid but still discuss awkwardly with someone's grandparents today. As previously announced, the Twitter phenom that stole our sweet Patrick away, "S#*! My Dad Says" will go up against "30 Rock" in the Thursday at 8:30 slot. "The Big Bang Theory" is its solid lead-in in a bid to grab every Trekkie for a solid hour. Tom Selleck and Jim Belushi return to TV with "Blue Bloods" and "The Defenders" respectively. And Grace Park in a bikini will change your granddad's opinion of Koreans with a rebooted "Hawaii Five-O." CHECK OUT THE FULL SCHEDULE WITH NEW SHOWS AND NEW TIMESLOTS AND NEW CLIPS AFTER THE JUMP…
George 'El Guapo' Roush of Latino Review says that "if you hate The Muppets, you hate life." I'll take it one step further. If you hate The Muppets, I hate you. By that logic, I don't hate Nick Stoller, the director of Forgetting Sarah Marshall. Stoller is at the helm of the latest outing from Kermit and the gang, The Greatest Muppet Movie of All Time. I always call The Muppets, the 'gateway drug for comedy nerds.' It's the first comedy we're introduced to, at least people our age. That's what we're going for with that. It will be for the whole family I guess, and for anyone who likes Muppets." Unlike my other childhood favorites (Star Wars, Indiana Jones, Eraserhead), The Muppets are perfect for a remake/reboot since the characters don't age. Well, neither does that "baby" from Eraserhead, but that's pretty much a Muppet when you think about it. At any rate, until Shia Labeouf signs on as the villain who pretends to be interested in porking Miss Piggy so he can kidnap The Muppets and sell them off to "Furries," I'm going to remain optimistic. Waka, Waka, Waka!
Tim Burton needs a better dry cleaner.Fearing retribution from Coolio, Paul Greengrass has dropped out of James Cameron's remake of Fantastic Voyage. Though Greengrass discloses that he was never actually on the project. He hadn't signed anything, nor did he intend to. Although he won't be sending Matt Damon on a trip through some dude's bloodstream, he may be eyeing another tentpole adventure film.Greengrass is reportedly interested in giving Treasure Island the Sherlock Holmes-treatment for producer Lionel Wigram. They're working with the studio now to decide on a screenwriter but I don't know why. A sexy version of Treasure Island has already been done. In fact I was watching it late last night on Cinemax with the volume off as to not wake Mother. (Deadline)
Sarah Silverman, host of the fake entertainment television program "Sizzle," sits down with "LOST" executive producers Carlton Cuse & Damon Lindelof to discuss the mysteries of the show's finale in only the way she can. So yes, there are farts. These links are a metaphor for purgatory. Happy 30th Birthday, 'Empire Strikes Back! (Moviefone)This Gun Shoots Beer (Asylum)Lindsay Lohan Lost Her Passport (PopEater)25 Porn Parodies (HolyTaco)Creating the 'Star Wars' Text Crawl Effect (FilmDrunk)Gallery of 15 Mutant Cars (Unreality)10 Reasons You Wouldn't Want to Date Megan Fox (BroBible)Most Bad Ass Way to Get Dressed (TotalProSports)Your Grandparent's Twitter Page (Maxim)MMA's 13 Most Shameful Moments of All Time (CagePotato)Pete Wentz's Son Involved in Suspected DUI (CelebJihad)30 Awesome Paintings of Monkeys (Smosh)Five Actors Who Should Quit Their Own TV Shows (Pajiba)The Last 10 Seconds of 'LOST' (Atom)Most Frrequent Bar Faux Pas (MadeMan)
This is what happens when you compare Michael Bay to Hitler. He fires your ass like a ruthless dictator. Deadline has learned that Paramount won't be picking up Megan Fox's option for Transformers 3 after Michael Bay said, and I'm paraphrasing, "F that B!"Right now the director who rules with an iron fist is finishing up the Transformers 3 script with writer Ehren Kruger, and they feel "giving Shia a new love interest makes more sense for the story." Right, because it's ridiculous that a nerd such as Sam Witwicky would stand by the same insanely hot girl for all these years. Making everyone you will ever meet and know jealous is totally overrated.
BREAKING NEWS: Somebody stole Will Forte's ass celery.I caught up with Forte and director Jorma Taccone earlier this week after a viewing of MacGruber's hilariously over-the-top big-screen outing. One scene from the movie that has people talking is when MacGruber "improvises" his way out of a tight jam with a discarded celery stalk. I asked the filmmakers how dancing around nude with celery in one's butt effects the vibe with the teamsters on set (it earns you more respect, according to Taccone), and Forte told me about an overzealous fan eager to own a piece of film history."There was actually a celery thief! There was some guy who somehow liberated a piece of celery. Somebody told me that some guy who was affiliated with the railyard [where the scene was filmed] had come and taken one of the pieces of celery."Well, I don't really know what to say to that, except they're better off it's someone from the location than someone from Craft Services.
Adam Shankman has just been nominated for the "Honey, We Shrunk Ourselves Award for Achievements in the Field of Squeezing Blood From Stones Sequelizations." Shankman is producing an unofficial sequel to Mean Girls, this time dealing with the social order in the world of competitive parenting. Like Mean Girls, Mean Moms (aka C*nts) is also based on an advice book by Rosalind Wiseman. In this case, it's her 2006 book "Queen Bee Moms and King Pin Dads: Dealing with the Parents, Teachers, Coaches, and Counselors Who Can Make — or Break — Your Child's Future."One of the main reasons that Mean Girls is so good is Tina Fey's script. To say that Mean Moms scribes Dara and Chad Creasey have some big shoes to fill is an understatement. But if anyone is up to the job, it's the writing team behind Studio 60 On the Sunset Strip, Pushing Daisies, and Legally Blondes. Which is apparantly a thing that happened after Reese Witherspoon became president or something in Legally Blonde 2: Red, White, and Blonde. (Variety)
Known mostly as “that hot chick on Dancing with the Stars,” Julianne Hough may be the sole reason men tune into the show, disregarding the fact that they’ll be forced to see former sports heroes at incredibly low points in their lives.A word from Julianne: "A lot of people know me as a dancer, but this album shows a different side of me. I've experienced a lot for someone my age that a lot of people will be able to relate to."You're 22 years old, Julianna. Unless a lot of turmoil occured before your 18th birthday, I doubt people will relate much. More blonde and piercing blue eyes after the jump.
Jon Favreau tweeted this little morsel from the set of Cowboys & Aliens to get your appetite so whet your superiors are wondering why the mop handle in your grip is covered in drool. Though can we really be sure this is official just because the director of the movie released it?My overbearing paronia insists that the pic could be a clever marketing campaign by Disney for Toy Story 3. If Woody was flesh and blood THIS is how he would look, always hauling a backlight around with him so we could never be certain of his identity. Oh no, you're not pulling the wool over my eyes, Lasseter. First the subliminal Nazi propaganda shorts before the main attraction and now this? If you weren't so damn awesome at what you do I'd have a good mind to shake an angry fist at your visage. That and my angry fist is buried deep in a tub of animal crackers at the moment. I know there's an elephant in here somewhere…
Things are just peachy keen for Vince and the gang. So much so that they decided to spend the afternoon on the edge of a cliff shootin' the shit, and you better believe HBO was rolling the cameras. Seriously, could they have not come up with a better promo than this for season 7 of "Entourage"? The whole "we're just bros hanging out and living life" schtick got stale in season 3. Newsflash guys: you don't live in the real world! The stakes on the show don't matter because they usually consist of Vince toiling over which hot girl to f*ck. But no matter how it shakes out, he still gets to f*ck a hot girl. Meanwhile on Main Street, some poor schmo is deciding which kid of his to sacrifice so he can feed the rest of his family. I realize it's not as dire as having zero bars on your iPhone, but it's in the same ballpark. Check out the preview for Season 7 of "Entourage" below.
Being a huge feminist and all (see above picture) I found it hard to enjoy The Hangover. The whole time I was all like, 'Where my sisters at??!" Well friends, my prayers have been answered. Household name Wayne McClammy ("The Sarah Silverman Program," Kimmel's "I'm F**king Matt Damon/Ben Affleck") is in talks to direct Desperados. The project is described as a lady-version of The Hangover, with Isla Fisher in talks to star. I'd think if you wanted a hungover redhead, you wouldn't need to look further than Lindsay Lohan **scribbles down joke, mails to Craig Kilborn**THR's got more info. You go, girlfriend:The story is about a woman who sends an indignant email to her new beau, who has gone silent after they have sex, only to discover he's comatose in a Mexican hospital. Panicking, she races south of the border with her friends in tow to intercept the email before he recovers.Dumb. You can't outrun an email. Just like you can't outrun sunlight or a flash freeze. I'm looking at you two, Blade and Jake Gyllenhaal.
Charlie Sheen has problems. You have problems. Charlie Sheen drinks too much. You drink too much. Charlie Sheen has a shitty job. You have a shitty job. Charlie Sheen could make as much as $100 million dollars over the next two years for filming "Two and a Half Men." You'll be lucky if they make you an example in a "Faces of Meth" poster. Sheen's upfront salary is pegged at right around $1.25 million per seg, not the $1.8 million-$1.9 million previously reported ( Daily Variety , May 18). But Sheen's sizable profit participation stake in "Men" has sources close to the deal pegging the value of the additional 48 episodes at as much as $100 million to the thesp. With this new contract, Sheen's net worth is probably higher than the GDP of some third-world countries. Of course, that's assuming he hasn't blown most of it on hookers and blow, which he most certainly has. But this cash might be just what Sheen needs to find out the truth about September 11th. In fact, if you're reading, Charlie, I happen to have some information about the real culprit. His name starts with an "O" and ends with an "ama." For a million dollars, I'll clue you in on the missing letters. (Variety)
Jemaine Clement of "Flight of the Concords" fame is slated to play the villain in Men in Black III. Clement joins Will Smith, Tommy Lee Jones, Josh Brolin and director Barry Sonnenfeld, who have all signed on to the project.While details are scarce, Collider is reporting that Clement will play an evil character named Yaz. Based on Clement's sideburns, one can only assume that "Yaz" is none other than Boston Red Sox's great Carl Yastrzemski, aka Mutton-chop Yaz.On the plus side, it would be hard to make a film any worse than MIB II. Unfortunately, Clement was already involved in the sci-fi related catastrophe, Gentleman Broncos, so anything is possible.
Finally, something tangible to report about Ghostbusters that doesn't involve Bill Murray's menstrual cycle. Rather than waiting around for Ghostbusters 3 like the rest of us saps, the fine folks at Improv Everywhere decided to take matters into their own hands by producing a version of Ghostbusters Live. The funnymen who had originally made a splash with their Best Buy sales prank which featured over eighty participants, pulled off quite the stunt with only seven able bodied comedians recently at the main branch of the New York Public Library and every spook filled second has been caught on camera for your enjoyment! I never thought that performance art could be so relevant. It's really inspired me to get my own flash mob version of Downfall off the ground. And if those people at the ADL don't like it they can go to hell. They never understood my art. (DreadCentral) See Ghostbusters Live after the jump.
Our friends at EgoTV put together this mashup of famous archery scenes from movies set to Def Leppard's "Pour Some Sugar On Me." I personally would have chosen Pat Benatar's "Hit Me With Your Best Shot," but then again I'm a hack. These links are a bullz-eye! **rimshot. fart.** 'Pirates 4' to Be Shot in 3D (Moviefone) Meet the Beer Experts (Asylum) Conan O'Brien Lists His Five Favorite YouTube Videos (PopEater) How Delonte West Hooked Up With Lebron's Mom (HolyTaco) First Script Scene of Facebook movie 'The Social Network' (BroBible) Getting Old Sucks (FilmDrunk) 10 Best SNL Digital Shorts (Unreality) Miss Massachusetts Pics (TotalProSports) Pretty Girls and Their Playthings (Maxim) Meet Jan Finney, Cris Cyborg's Next Victim (CagePotato) Joe Jonas Lied About Serving In Vietnam (CelebJihad) 10 Best Kids' Drawings Ever (Smosh) 5 Most Popular Celebs You've Never Heard Of (Pajiba) M'larky Trailer (Atom) 13 Facts about Weed (MadeMan) Tony Stewart Jumps from a Plane (AllLeftTurns)
ABC has announced its fall line-up and it's brimming with hotties. Tuesday night's we have Julie Benz and Autumn Reeser on superhero family drama "No Ordinary Family," Wednesday's give us Joanna Garcia in "Better Together," and Kelli Garner on Thursdays with "My Generation." In addition to all the fresh faces, there's Michael Imperioli on "Detroit 1-8-7." It's important to have this balance. I don't know why. CHECK OUT THE FULL SCHEDULE AND CLIPS OF NEW AND RETURNING SHOWS AFTER THE JUMP…
Oprah?Looks like Eddie Murphy may take a break from the moody, little character pieces he's so well known for to don the fat suit and drink from the drawn butter well once again. While at the premiere of Shrek 4, Murphy told Access Hollywood:“You know what, there might be another Nutty Professor. We kind of wrote something that might be kind of funny. If the studios want to do it, we’ll do it. If you don’t see it, the studio was like, ‘This isn’t funny.’”I don't know Eddie. Precious wasn't all that funny and they let you do that. It even earned you an Oscar nomination. Don't be so hard on yourself, champ. Good things happen to good people. **gets killed anally by exploding office chair**
Emily Procter has appeared on shows such as "Friends" and "The West Wing," but even better she fronts and 80's cover band called White Lightnen. She is also an avid poker player, a game that her father taught her when she was young. If she tastes like a gin and tonic she might just be the best woman ever. A word from Emily: "It's not a bad idea to be single."Well yes, if you're an attractive blonde woman being single can be a delight. If you're a blogger it can be nightmare wrapped continually in Saturday night shame.More pics of Emily YEAAAAAHHHHH!!! after the jump.
A new full-length trailer for "True Blood" has glamoured the Internet, and I'm sharing it with you so you can forward it along to your girlfriends. They're going to love this season considering the vampire-centric show is now dabbling in the world of werewolves, officially making it one pained expression away from becoming full-blown Twilight for television. But don't you dare move off that couch. You sit their with your baby cakes and subject yourself to every single minute of it. At least it's HBO, so breasts and people erupting into flames are guaranteed. Buncha filthy pyros over at that network… Sink your eyes into the trailer after the jump. Tell your g.f. season 3 of "True Blood" premieres June 13th, if she doesn't already have a sticker on her bejeweled day planner for it.