I normally don't report on people shopping projects around to networks, even if those people are J.J. Abrams, but damn is it a slow news day. So hey, Abrams and former "Lost" writer Elizabeth Sarnoff are waving Sarnoff's drama pilot "Alcatraz" under the nose of hungry execs.
Not much is known about the script except that it takes place on the San Francisco Bay island that once housed the worst of the worst offenders. A few years ago, Ed Harris took over Alcatraz, and Nic Cage had to bring him down with Sean Connery, but the show most likely won't recognize those events. Poisonous green balls or not, someone will buy this script quicker than you can say, "Abrams equals profit." (Deadline)
"That dog musta been sick."
Here's the first look from Peter Berg's perplexing Battleship adaptation of Rihanna dressed like one of those guys that hang out at the mall trying to recruit poor people into combat. I still find it really odd that she joined the cast, which includes Taylor Kitsch, Brooklyn Decker, and Alexander Skarsgard. Then again, I find it really odd this movie is being made. But what strikes me as most odd is this thing standing next to Rihanna. Didn't E.T. dress up as that once?
Zach Galifianakis's brother, Seth, takes over for him in this episode of "Between Two Ferns" with guest Sean Penn. The video confirms my belief that Penn is incapable of smiling, and possibly even feeling joy. Maybe I'm wrong though. Maybe the blooper reel is full of Penn rolling on the floor laughing his ass off and his stoic persona is built through the magic of editing. But there's no denying that the ferns look scared sh*tless.
Check out the interview after the jump…
Fox has turned to Jamie Foxx to fill the offensively-unfunny-sketch-comedy-show shaped hole left by the cancellation of "Mad TV." The network picked up a twelve-episode order of "The Jamie Foxx Project," a half-hour sketch series that will skewer pop culture with a diverse cast of comedians, for mid-season.
Hopefully this won't delay the Skank Robbers film we were promised. Because we still want that. (Deadline)
"Tell them no MSG."
"Robot Chicken" creators Seth Green and Matthew Senreich have decided to take the main premise of Matthew McConaughey classic EdTV and turn it into a interactive reality show. The duo is teaming up with Ford Motor Co. and Sprint Nextel for "ControlTV." The series, which will follow six weeks in the life of a guy in his twenties, enables the audience to vote, in real time, on every aspect of his life—from what he wears and eats, to where he works, to who he dates. What they can't decide on is what kind of car he drives and phone he uses. Ford and Sprint got the lock on those.
They say the audience can vote on every aspect of this guy's life, but I'm sure we'll get some pretty standard choices. What should he eat? A) Tuna Sandwich B) Cheeseburger C) Chicken Soup. What the demented viewing audience will want is an option D, which would be somewhere inbetween dog sh*t and spoiled milk. Hey, if you're going to let us decide, don't cuff our hands behind our backs. (Deadline)
Amanda Righetti, the red-headed eye candy of CBS's "The Mentalist," comes from a Utah-raised family with 7 siblings (6 sisters and 1 brother). That makes me jealous that I wasn't raised by a family of hot gingers in the mountains of Utah.
A word from Amanda: "Guys blow my looks up more than I ever would. I guess I have issues with myself. I don't think I'm as pretty as everybody thinks."
Perfect. That means guys with slightly below average looks still have a chance.
More pics of Amanda after the jump…
It seems like everything’s changed for Dexter this year. SPOILER ALERT!!! for people waiting to watch Season Four on DVD, but he’s lost his wife and his executive producers in one fell swoop. Chip Johannessen takes over for departing Clyde Phillips and Melissa Rosenberg, but continues their story from the death of Rita.
Over the summer, Johannessen told the Television Critics Association that new guest stars are coming in who will end up helping Dexter deal with grief. We’ve got Peter Weller (Robocop), Julia Stiles, Jonny Lee Miller and Shawn Hatosy. Could they each represent one of the five stages of grief?
More after the jump…
Don't be distracted by his off-putting facial hair. Conan O'Brien has a message of utmost importance to share with you. Namely, the name of his new show. Much like his parents did 47 years ago, he's made the regrettable decision of naming it "Conan." This show is going to sooo get its ass kicked during recess. (Vulture)
Check out O'Brien making the official announcement after the jump…
"Lone Star" is Fox’s biggest push for the new TV season. It’s their hour-long drama about a con artist playing both sides in the Texas oil industry. Relative newcomer James…
Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson's slow transformation into Brendan Fraser is nearly complete. The wrestler-turned-actor (Walking Tall, Southland Tales, Chef Boyardee commercials) has signed on as the lead in the upcoming Journey To The Center Of Earth sequel. Many expected that Josh Hutcherson would make the leap to leading man for Journey 2: The Mysterious Island, but it seems that he's riding shotgun this time around.
In the film, Johnson plays Hutcherson's mom's boyfriend who tags along for the exhilirating adventure when the boy travels to an unchartered island to find his missing grandfather. Seems like a lot of trouble. Did you check the local A&P, Josh? That's the first place I look when my granddad wanders. (THR)
Before a single episode has hit the airwaves, Frank Darabont's "The Walking Dead" has been renewed for a 13-episode second season, Empire Online is reporting. Based on Robert Kirkman's acclaimed comic series, the first season will premiere October 31st on AMC. Filming for the second season is set for February of next year.
As with the comics, the show will chronicle a group of people struggling to survive in the aftermath of a zombie apocalypse. While the first season will take place during a summer in Atlanta, there is speculation that the second will take place during the winter, in keeping with the source material.
"It would be great not just to get out of the heat, but to present a different idea to the audience visually and tonally by having it be winter,” Darabont tells Comic Book Movie. "There’s some really cool stuff that Kirkman did, where they find the one zombie that’s frozen to the ground. I’d never seen that before and that’s really cool.”
You know what else would be cool, Frank Darabont? A prisoner whose jail cell is surrounded by zombies, casuing him to slowly run out of food and water. But that doesn't mean something so disturbing should be filmed! Actually, I was setting up a joke, but that prisoner thing is a good idea. You should go ahead and use that. Seriously, use it.
Quick! Crawl to the hatch!
Here are today's links.
Look! It's Young Ryan Seacrest Acting On ' Beverly Hills 90210' (TVSquad)
Soon The MTA Will Be Watching You (Asylum)
Companies With The Worst Customer Service (Ranker)
25 Mascot Fail Videos (HolyTaco)
Piranha 3D Producer Issues Response To James Cameron (FilmDrunk)
21 Awesomely Pimped Out Golf Carts (Maxim)
Four Loko Bursting On The Scene (BarStoolSports)
7 Celebrity Sex Tapes That I Would Actually Buy (EgoTV)
Viagra For Dick Jokes: The Enduring Of Judd Apatow (Pajiba)
Leonardo The Crybaby (Unreality)
9 Of The Greatest College Stadiums For Tailgating (TotalProSports)
25 Awesome Motorcycle Helmets (Smosh)
Coed College Dorms And Bathrooms (BroBible)
Taylor Lautner Responds To Push Up Challenge (CelebJihad)
Jens Pulver's New Movie Is Going To have Grown Men Crying (CagePotato)
Is Lauryn Hill's Return For The Better? (PopEater)
Skydive Everest (MadeMan)
Claiming dominion over all things aquatic or 3D, James Cameron went all king of the world on Piranha 3D last week, and now the film's producer Mark Canton (who looks like what would happen if Phil Spector banged Albert Brooks) is showing his teeth in response. And he raises a few damn good points! Though, they are lengthy points. Here's just a few favorites, but I encourage you to check out the entire response after jump. Go on wit yo' bad self, Mark Canton:
“Mr. Cameron, who singles himself out to be a visionary of movie-making, seems to have a small vision regarding any motion pictures that are not his own. It is amazing that in the movie-making process – which is certainly a team sport – that Cameron consistently celebrates himself out as though he is a team of one. His comments are ridiculous, self-serving and insulting to those of us who are not caught up in serving his ego and his rhetoric."
"Shame on you for thinking that genre movies and the real maestros like Roger Corman and his collaborators are any less auteur or impactful in the history of cinema than you. Martin Scorcese made Boxcar Bertha at the beginning of his career. And Francis Ford Coppola made Dimentia [sic] 13 back in 1963. And those are just a few examples of the talented and successful filmmakers whose roots are in genre films. Who are you to impugn any genre film or its creators?"
And now… fighting words:
“Jim, are you kidding or what? First of all, let’s start by you accepting the fact that you were the original director of PIRANHA 2 and you were fired."
(Runs around in exaggerated circle playfully slapping own face a la early Martin Lawrence)
No. He. Didn't. Don't MAKE a James Cameron take off his earrings!!
Full letter after the jump…
Watch out Andrew WK. It looks like Conan the Barbarian is getting into the partying hard business. These set photos from Marcus Nispel's remake show Jason Momoa's Conan cutting loose like some weird Charlie Sheen/Tom Sizemore hybrid partybeast. Mead-chugging. Shirtless piggyback rides. Bare breasts. This must be how Hugh Hefner partied when he was a boy in ancient Greece.
Momoa is an animal! Could we have a contender for that Belushi biopic?
Check out the Cimmerian orgy after the jump…
Here's a little pick-me-up for your Tuesday afternoon. It's a montage of dance scenes from almost 40 films set to Kenny Loggins's "Footloose." If this video doesn't make you tap your feet under your desk than your depression is far more advanced than any of us realized. Go do some pelvic thrusts and I promise you'll be right as rain.
Get ready to cut loose after the jump…
MTV has dropped the first clip from Mark Romanek's upcoming Never Let Me Go. The film stars Keira Knightley, Carey Mulligan, and Andrew Garfield as young adults at a boarding school that is doing more than instilling proper etiquette. To give away anymore would be giving away too much. But if you watch the trailer you can probably figure out what's in store for the kids.
In the clip, Keira Knightley, in so many words, tells Carey Mulligan to stay away from her man (Andrew Garfield). She found Carey's porn and laughed at it with Andrew, which is totally not cool. But then she kisses her, so that makes it cool again.
Never Let Me Go hits theaters September 15, 2010.
Check out the clip after the jump…
Hot off both an Emmy and a fictional Clio Award win, "Mad Men" is going stronger than ever. The fourth season has slyly reinvented the show and ably guided it out of the bummerific territory it normally explored. Rolling Stone stopped by the set and snapped off a few pretty cool candids of Jon Hamm, Christina Hendricks, January Jones, and crew. My only complaint, needs more Blankenship.
Check out our favorite pics after the jump. Original gallery is located here.
Lucy Hale is a former American Idol contestant turned ABC Family it-girl with this past summer's hit show "Pretty Little Liars." If I'm not mistaken, that is the perfect title for any ABC Family show.
A word from Lucy: "Oh no, I’m through with trampolines. I broke my ankle on one and I'm terrified of them now."
That's how I feel about skydiving, tall buildings, dogs, trees, outdoors, indoors, breathing…
More pics of Lucy after the jump…
Shaq will be making a cameo as himself in Adam Sandler's new film Jack & Jill. The recently-aquired Boston Celtics center is no stranger to playing Shaq in films. In fact, I imagine he prefers it to a genie or Iron Man rip-off superhero. Shaq has played Shaq in CB4, Good Burger, He Got Game, After the Sunset, The Kid & I, The House Bunny, and When in Rome. No one captures the essence of Shaq like Shaq can, which is why Sandler came to him for the Shaq role in his new comedy.
Regarding the film, Adam Sandler plays twins and one of them is a girl. Do I really need to go into anymore detail or have your eyes permanently rolled into the back of your skull? Shaq joins Katie Holmes and Al Pacino, who have already agreed to take a check for appearing in this inevitable sh*t sandwich. And don't get all pissed at me about Sandler. I used to love the guy in Happy Gilmore and Billy Madison, but Grown Ups really took a toll on my emotional psyche. Never have I wanted an actor to devolve so badly and return to speaking gibberish. (TheWrap)
Character actor extraordinaire Danny Trejo is back (for about the 30th time this year) in the Mexploitation movie Machete. A lot of his movie roles have reflected his life with drugs, boxing, and prison. He might have the largest character résumé in Hollywood today.
Rising stars Teresa Palmer and Joel Edgerton are returning to Australia for some reason. The actors have signed on for the Australian film Say Nothing. They star as a young couple who keep their traps shut after their friend goes missing during a group vacation to South East Asia. It took some time, but I'm glad they finally got around to making a less-talky version of Say Anything. If the silent boombox scene doesn't melt your heart, you're black inside. (Moviehole)
Earlier this year, when the producers of Final Destination 5 supposedly changed the film's title to 5nal Destination, the Internet was quick to rebuke the decision. After all, how could anyone pick such a stupid title (unless, of course, they were looking for a week's worth of free publicity provided by easily outraged Internet dorks like myself).
But time heals all wounds, and the producers have gone a long way toward reconciling with the Internet crowd thanks to the addition of David Koechner to the cast.
Best known for his comedic roles, Koechner was featured in Anchorman, "The Office," and is currently involved with Adult Swim's hilarious live-action comedy, "Children's Hospital." He has also provided comic relief in a previous horror film, Snakes on a Plane. That being said, he better be channeling the ghost of Richard Pryor if he's going to save this film from the Grim Reaper. (Bloody Disgusting via Empire Online)
Jonathan Liebesman will direct Clash of the Titans II, Coming Soon is reporting. Liebesman, who also directed the upcoming Battle: Los Angeles, will most likely be joined by Sam Worthington and Gemma Arterton, who both starred in the first installment. Unlike the first film, which was retrofitted, the sequel will be shot entirely in 3D. Also, unlike the first film, Clash of the Titans II will supposedly have a plot mapped out before shooting begins.
(Spoiler Alert) Hopefully this sequel will avoid some of the pitfalls of its predecessor. For example, one of the worst scenes from Clash of the Titans was the ending, when Zeus randomly resurrected a character who had died earlier in the film. Resurrection? Talk about an unbelievable cop out? No wonder no one worships Zeus anymore.
Sure, the grammar is incorrect, but the fail is spot on.
Here are your form-fitting links.
Critic Vs. Critic: Is The Internet Good Or Bad For Movie Criticism? (Moviefone)
Porn Judge's Case Not Looking So Hot (Asylum)
30 Greatest On-Stage Falls Of All Time (Ranker)
25 Cosplay Girls From Fan Expo 2010 (HolyTaco)
'The Pacific' Sells 3D Battle Of Midway Pitch (FilmDrunk)
Clooney-Off: Jack VS. Jack Foley (Maxim)
Girl Busts Her Ass Sliding Down A Rail (BarStoolSports)
7 Ways To Make The Red Carpet More Interesting (EgoTV)
So Damn Sure Of Ourselves, Aren't We? (Pajiba)
What Do These Two Ladies Have In Common (Unreality)
Now This Is A Goal Line Stand! (TotalProSports)
23 Clever Ways To Wear Duct Tape (Smosh)
Best Boobs On TV: Christina Hendricks Vs. Sofia Vergara (BroBible)
Vanessa Hudgens Claims TO Pwn Noobs (CelebJihad)
'Never Back Down 2' In The Works? (CagePotato)
'True Blood' Cast Dumps HBO For 'Mad Men' Bash (PopEater)
Deep Fried Beer And Frozen Beer (MadeMan)
The guys who produced the whimsical, yet tragic, Total Recall: The Musical are back with two new productions that'll have you cheering in your box seats. Robocop: The Musical and Terminator 2: The Opera are probably my favorite renditions thus far by Jon and Al. They've managed to keep both of the videos under four minutes, so they don't overstay their welcome. If they could stage a live production these guys would take Broadway by storm. (ToplessRobot)
Check out the musicals after the jump…
David Slade would be wise not to decorate his home office with Wolverine action figures just yet. Though it was believed that the helmer of Hard Candy and assorted vampire movies was a shoe-in for the Wolverine Goes To Japan directing gig, a new contendor has emerged. Granted, he's a highly-unlikely candidate, but Darren Aronofsky's hat has somehow been thrown into the ring. Whether he threw that hat himself, or some neighbor kid bully threw it in the ring just to be a jerk remains to be seen.
Given Aronofsky's body of work, I'm going to go ahead and rule him out. The X-Men films have been twisted into goofy, popcorn wannabe-action films, and Wolverine is no exception. Though if anyone could lend some gravity to the material, it's Aronofsky. Look what he did for Marlon Wayans. (Deadline)
Now that Jeremy Renner has been cast to distract from the fact that box office poison Tom Cruise is appearing in Mission: Impossible 4, it's time to figure out which skinny actress will be running around and firing Uzi's that somehow don't shatter her wrist. And the contenders are Hostel 2's Lauren German, Streetfighter's Kristin Kreuk, and Alan Thicke's daughter-in-law Paula Patton.
The three actresses are all testing for the role of a female operative in the Brad Bird-helmed sequel. Nothing more is known about the character beyond that description, but let's assume she will wear a leather bodysuit. All the best spies do. (Deadline)
Previously on "True Blood": Sookie found out she's a fairy. Sam flashed back on a former life of crime. Eric prepared to go after, and probably get killed by, King Russell. Human kind reacted poorly to Russell killing a human anchor on-air. Arlene looked into mystical abortion. Jason admitted to Tara that he killed Eggs. Lafayette and Jesus dropped some V and had a shared vision of their voodoo relatives. Meth cook Crystal turned into a panther and broke into Jason's bedroom. Hoyt was attacked by Tommy in pit bull form and was saved by Jess. Eric made out with Sookie and then chained her up in his basement. Ok, on to this week.
More after the jump…
These photos that a Collider reader snagged from Steven Spielberg's War Horse set will calm your Monday morning nerves. I've been casually flipping through them with Enya on in the background and the outside world has melted away.
We haven't told you much about the film since its lead protagonist is an equine and SJ caters to people, but basically a horse named Joey is sold to the army during WWI and it wants to get back to the farm boy owner it left behind. It's a love story between a man and a beast, but not a Tijuana strip club sort of way.
Grab some Earl Grey and check out the pics after the jump…
Who would ever think that being discovered at a Bar Mitzvah would lead to a solid career as an indie actress? Well look no further than Kelli Garner, the pixie blonde girl of Larry Clark's Bully, Lars and the Real Girl, and the low-budget southwest gem Dreamland. This week she goes a little more mainstream, reuniting with her Dreamland co-star Justin Long with the cross-country romance, Going The Distance.
A word from Kelli: "I'm mostly cast as the Lolita type, either a blonde bombshell Lolita, or the girl-with-black-hair-who-smokes-weed Lolita. Either way, I'm inevitably the sexpot."
Best typecasting ever.
More pics of Kelli after the jump…