What up with Zach Galifianakis's face in this new poster for Due Date? I don't think I've ever seen the man smile. It doesn't even look like he willingly smiled for this picture. The artist must have turned his frown upside down with the "Smile" Photoshop pluggin. You should totally download it.
The best part of the poster is the friggin' adorable French Bulldog. Look at that g.d. thing. I want to smoosh its precious little face until it's mush, which is the main reason I'm on PETA's sh*tlist. (Yahoo)
Paramount has scooped up the rights to the not-yet-published young adult novel Au Revoir, Crazy European Chick. The story follows a high school student who gets stuck with a homely and boring European exchange student who turns out to be secretly hot. And also an assassin.
If that sounds like "Chuck" to you, then you have a promising future in Hollywood. "Chuck" creator Josh Schwartz has been attached to develop the concept. Speaking of Chuck, this sounds a lot like Palahniuk's novel Pygmy. So imagine Pygmy meets I Love You, Beth Cooper, minus the social commentary. And Hayden Panettiere. (Deadline)
Know for lightning quick reflexes and amazing acrobatic stunts, Jet Li is one Expendable not to mess with. While stateside we've seen Li play more of the standard stone cold killer types in War, Romeo Must Die, and Lethal Weapon 4, over in his native China, Li is far more badass. Just check out his amazing work in Once Upon a Time in China, Hero, or Fist of Legend for a good action smack in the teeth.
Highly Debatable Best Role: Wong Fei-hung in Once Upon a Time in China trilogy
Weird Fact: When he was 11-years-old he won a trip to Washington D.C. to meet President Richard Nixon after becoming the Chinese National Champion in Wushu martial arts.
MORE AFTER THE JUMP…
Claudia Jordan, a former "The Price is Right" and "Deal or No Deal" model, shows off her east coast beauty in this month's Middle Men. Her blink or miss it performance doesn't do her justice but you can bet on all your Plinko chips that she'll be showing off her stuff with more projects in the future.
A word from Claudia: "I am the queen head doctor."
I'm going to assume you're referring to psychology and not felatio, only because we're not allowed to discuss the latter in detail on this site.
More pics of Claudia after the jump…
Today the Internet has lovingly delivered us this trailer for HALKa, the Bangladeshi attempt at capturing the legend of the Incredible Hulk. I don't believe that, "Say whaaaaaaaaa?!," begins to cover it.
This trailer tells the classic story of the Hulk's origin: being publicly sodomized with a pick-axe by bullies to the point that Bruce Banner invents an Incredible Hulk potion using beakers and Doogie Howser's computer. He then goes on to fight his greatest enemy, Guy With Bicycle With Guns On It. Whatever, the trailer looks amazing. It's even more trippy than Enter The Void.
Just see for yourself after the jump…
Sofia Vergara let the Freudian slips fly on "Jimmy Kimmel Live" last night. Actually, it all started earlier in the day when Sofia tweeted that she was excited to "do Kimmel" that night. Except she meant "do" as in appear on, not "do" as in bang.
In trying to defend herself on the show, she kept accidentally rambling on and on about sex. Sex, sex, sex, sex. Does the woman think of nothing else? Before we know it she's going to convince Christina Hendricks that they should do a topless photoshoot together. It sickens me! **Mother pulls ear away from bedroom door. Google "Modern Family/Mad Men" fan fiction**
Check out the euphemisms after the jump…
It was rumored last week that Blake Lively was making a play for the role of sexy astronaut in Alfonso Cuaron's Gravity. However, it's been expected that role was Scarlett Johansson's for the taking. Well, now it's official that both ladies are pushing for the part, with reports that they both have tested for the role.
Will this create a rift between the two? Will that rift involve wrestling?? Hopefully. We'll let you know if and when Pay-Per-View tickets for the event go on sale. Gravity is said to be a really ambitious, experimental film that would require a lot from whichever actress lands the part. Neither Johansson or Lively have carried a film of this magnitude to date, but both are ready to step up. Personally, I'm really torn. Either would be super-convincing as an astronaut. (THR)
The Playlist has alerted us to an interview with Mike Tyson that is as candid as you'd expect from the man who once threatened to "f*ck you until you love him." It all came about when Mike wandered into a Las Vegas radio station unexpectedly after a trip to the dentist. If you're familiar with David After The Dentist, you know that you're in for a treat. Here are some of my favorite parts.
On The Hangover:
“I was doing that to supply my drug habit. I’m sorry I’m coming at you guys like this… I said, ‘Wow, This is going to be really good. We’re going to sell this stuff on 42nd street on bootleg and make a lot of money.’ This is my best thinking on drugs… It wasn’t that way. It was an international success."
On becoming a Vegan:
“I became a Vegan. Vegan is where no animal products. No livestock products. Nothing."
On his slow-transformation to vampirism:
"My personal life is so isolated right now. I don’t go anywhere unless I’m invited." (except for when he wanders into radio stations of course. – Ed.)
And on the arduous task of wiping one's butt when weighing 350 lbs:
“It was hard to wipe my butt… I was sweating like some kind of guy from a moon project or something."
Awesome. MTV needs to find a way to get him into the "Jersey Shore" house. (ESPN Radio)
Good news for anyone who likes washed-up pop stars! Britney Spears is going to appear on "Glee", according to the show's creator Ryan Murphy.
Instead of having a drunken Spears ram her car into the glee club's bus or attempt to buy drugs off of one of the students, the show decided to take the high road by having most of Britney's scenes take place in a dream sequence.
After being put under in the dentist's chair, some of the characters from the show will "hallucinate about being like the singer." I can only assume that means they will dream about forgetting to feed their children while drunkenly scouring the house for that last free sample of Valtrex. (Coming Soon)
Who says Hollywood is out of ideas? Obviously they haven't seen this picture of Helen Mirren giving Russell Brand the old "rub & tug" on the set of Arthur. In fact, seeing a geriatric Mirren giving Brand a bathtub HJ is the most original thing I've seen in weeks, and mind you, I watch Bravo daily.
The only question is how is Hollywood going to top this? Chances are we'll see Betty White giving an "Asian massage" to the wolf-boy from Twilight sometime soon. "Team Jacob" indeed! (Cinema Blend)
Promos for Conan O'Brien's new show are now airing on TBS, and for hardcore comedy dorks, things are looking up. That's because the ad is very reminiscent of "Monty Python's Flying Circus," specifically, the animated shorts of director Terry Gilliam.
Whether or not the style was intentional is irrelevant. The result is the same either way. Monty Python fans are with Coco. Although that was probably true before the ad, as well. (Cinema Blend)
Watch O'Brien's Pythonesque ad after the jump…
Fooled ya! This clip from MTV's "Undressed" features a Christina Hendricks circa 1999, but she doesn't get naked. Still, it's Christina Hendricks at age 24. Niiiiiiiiice. (BuzzFeed)
These links will cool you down.
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Eyes up, Brody!
Adrien Brody has signed on for cuckoo bird director Tony Kaye's Detached. Brody will star as a substitute teacher who becomes attached to a teenage prostitute while working at a troubled school. He later gets in trouble when he shows a gay film in class in an attempt to teach tolerance. I'm going out on a limb here and guessing it was Victor Salva's Clownhouse.
Christina Hendricks also stars as a teacher and potential love interest who encourages Brody's sub to go full-time. Brody has proven talented in a number of complex roles but this may be his greatest challenge yet. Can you imagine trying not to look at Christina Hendricks's boobs all day, every day? That's a test of endurance even David Blaine wouldn't be able to pass. (The Playlist)
It seems a little convenient that Michael Cera and Jason Schwartzman have a movie coming out this weekend and they just so happen to be reporting the weather on Atlanta's Fox 5 News. Unless this whole thing was an ingenius plan… The two actors, in an effort to promote Scott Pilgrim vs. the World screw around for two minutes in front of an animated green screen. The best part comes right in the beginning when Cera is trampled by a poorly rendered school bus. What would make the clip even better is if the local morning news anchors would shut the hell up. Let the comedians be funny, news anchors. The producer will let you know when there's an update on those human remains found at the Carvels.
Check out the zany forecast after the jump…
Everyone's curious what will become of "The Office" after this season, once Steve Carell packs his assorted chochkies and potted plant into a banker's box and is forcefully removed from the Scranton Sabre branch. A replacement has yet to be named but sources say that both of the slobs pictured above have been contacted about joining the cast.
Showrunner Paul Lieberstein confirms that Rhys Darby ("Flight of the Conchords") and Danny McBride (every comedy) are having conversations about coming aboard in the role of a new salesman. It's not a done deal that the actor who takes this role will take over as boss. That job could easily go to a current castmember. Sound off in the 'comments' section to let us know who you think would make the best dipsh*t boss. (EW)
Mickey Rourke is the most accomplished dramatist of the rock'em sock'em team in The Expendables. An 80s icon who after pulling off a series of great performances in Diner, Rumble Fish, The Pope Of Greenwich Village, Angel Heart, and Barfly fell off the map and didnt re-surface until 20 years later with his award winning performance in The Wrestler. Now he's back and kicking major acting chop ass. Just remember don't get between him and his chihuahuas or they'll be hell to pay.
Highly Debatable Best Role: Henry Chinaski in Barfly
Weird Fact: Walked off the set of a movie because the producers wouldn't let him use his pet chihuahua.
MORE AFTER THE JUMP…
Mary Elizabeth Winstead, the girl next door, gets a punk rock make over in this week in Scott Pilgram VS. The World. A distant cousin to sexy 1940s screen siren Ava Gardner, Mary has inhabited the female heroine roles in previous installments to the Die Hard and Final Destination franchises.
A word from Mary: "You have to believe that it is what you want to do with your life and you have to be dedicated to it."
Like being hot. She has fully committed herself to that challenge.
More pics of Mary after the jump…
This weekend, Scott Pilgrim will be bus fighting "the world," who in this instance are the seven evil ex-boyfriends of Ramona V. Flowers. He’ll be going through all this just…
Elvis's hot granddaughter Riley Keough is in talks to join Mad Max: Fury Road. Should she end up in the role, she'll play one of the "Five Wives," a convoy of women that Tom Hardy must protect. Polygamy is sooo hot right now. Joining Keough in the spouse pile are Zoe Kravitz, Teresa Palmer, and Adelaide Clemens. No word yet on who will say I do to playing the fifth wifey.
Hey, it's a good thing Mel Gibson isn't part of this sequel, right? Because he and wives? You know? That whole thing that's happening. You know what I'm talking about. (THR)
Here’s the third installment of your guide to the new fall TV shows and this time I dish out wisdom about the sitcoms centered around a family. Please don't confuse these shows with 'family sitcoms' — the shows like "Full House" and the one with Urkel that were ‘kid safe’ and painfully lacking in humor. These are sitcoms that are made for adults and just happen to be about a family. There aren't many of these debuting this fall, but there is one you definitely want to tune in to.
WATCH IT: “$#*! My Dad Says” (CBS), Thursdays at 8:30 pm (ET)
He missed Comic Con, but it seems any large gathering will do. Even at the risk of being curbed. The Sturgis Motorcycle Rally was overtaken by nuuuurds yesterday when Pee-wee Herman appeared at the Buffalo Chip campground. Pee-wee shared the bill with Ozzy, Kid Rock, ZZ Top, and Bob Dylan, and also led the world's largest Tequila Dance in honor of National Tequila Day (which I missed so I'll start celebrating immediatshillayly arriba arriba!!!).
"Bob Dylan is here because people like him and Pee-wee is here for the same reason," said Buffalo Chip owner Rod Woodruff. "They are both American icons." Oooooo, I can't wait to see what Cate Blanchett will do with the porn theater scene in Herman's inevitable biopic. (Huffington Post)
Good news, John Carter Of Mars fans (both of you).
Disney has set a release date for the film. Now the two of you can plan ahead and drive together. What, you don't even live in the same state? Well, considering the film won't be coming out until June 8th, 2012, you've got plenty of time to coordinate.
For those of you who aren't in "the know," the film is based on the sci-fi books of Edgar Rice Burroughs, and will be shown in 3D. Considering the likelihood of scantly-clad Martian women, this is one 3D production I think we can all agree on.
See dad, I'm not gay. Why would I want to look at boobs in 3D if I was gay? ANSWER ME! (Hollywood Reporter)
I'll take the one on the right. No, just one is fine.
TLC has taken another step in its insatiable quest to find rock bottom. The network's new reality show, "Sister Wives," will chronicle the lives of a group of fundamentalist Mormons who practice polygamy. It's like a double episode of "Wife Swap," except with just one guy and no swapping.
But in case you think the producers are simply exploiting the lives of a bunch of religious fanatics for ratings, think again. They actually care about these people. As it turns out, they're just like you or me…except for the whole "cult" thing.
“They are very much a modern family. They are open-minded. They are generally adorable,” said Bill Hayes, president of North Carolina-based Figure 8 Films and co-executive producer of the show. “Their children were so well behaved and polite and healthy and happy,” he added. “Pardon the cliche, but the proof was in the pudding. I thought, ‘What a bunch of great young people, and there was nothing strange about them.’"
You know, he has a point. Maybe there's nothing strange about a group of women being used as a human puppy mill, as long as their children are well behaved, and provided they don't shoot me during their apocalyptic final battle with the federal government. After all, a single mom lives next door, and I'm pretty sure her kids are running a meth lab. Perhaps four moms is the way to go. (Warming Glow)
The people of Queensland, Australia, might want to throw another shrimp on the barbie (unless shrimp falls into the whole shellfish/non-kosher category, in which case a nice brisket might be more in order).
Stephen Spielberg has chosen the land down under as the filming location for his new TV series, "Terra Nova," Coming Soon has confirmed.
"We wanted this ambitious series to look like no other on television and Queensland provided the best of all possible worlds," executive vice president of production, Jim Sharp added. "Queensland had the right look, climate and terrain…"
Considering the show is about a group of scientists from the future who travel back 85 million years to prehistoric Earth, I'm not exactly sure that's a ringing endorsement for Queensland tourism bureau.
Come to Queensland: "The Land That Time Forgot!"
He's still alive, you sick bastard!
Experiment with these links.
Countdown To 'The Expendables': 'Cobra' (1986) (MovieHopping)
'Mad Men' Moment: Don Says Goodbye (TVSquad)
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Alien 5; De-Resurrection The Unseen Script (HolyTaco)
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Humorous Hotties (MadeMen)
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!! Would you pick this up from a store display? Weezer frontman Rivers Cuomo announced to Spinner that the cover of the band's new album "Hurley" will feature the face of Jorge Garcia, who played Hurley on "Lost." He tries to explain but I still don't understand:
"I just loved this photo of Jorge Garcia — it just had this amazing vibe. We didn't want to do a fourth self-titled record and we knew people would refer to it as 'the Hurley record' even if left it without that title, so we just called it 'Hurley.' No words are on the cover because all we wanted was his amazing face."
Thank you, Rivers, for making me feel a whole lot better about my face. Unless by "amazing" you mean perplexing and slightly off-putting. Than NO thank you. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm putting the finishing touches on my "Marty" demo cover.
Looks like someone is finally willing to make a movie about Abraham Lincoln. The unspell-checkable Timur Bekmambetov has signed on to direct Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter. Here he explains his plans with a dry, Tontoesque delivery:
"I'm prepping to direct myself. It is not a comedy at all – it is a very entertaining, epic history lesson for millions and millions of teenagers. If you remember 'Nightwatch,' it is maybe in the vein of that kind of movie. We are keeping the traditional look of Lincoln – the big hat and the beard. He has to be historically correct, but with a few special weapons. There is only one book, but there will be many opportunities to develop and explore this world if we get to do sequels. I hope we will start this winter. We are shooting in America."
I am excite to see this movie. No word yet casting of role of Abraham Lincoln. Actor will be tall. (Empire)
Previously on "True Blood," Sam helped his brother escape a vicious dog-fighting ring. Bill and Sookie tag-teamed Lorena, and not in a good way. Jason dug for info on Crystal. Sookie saved Bill's life by letting him feed on her and he went overboard and put her in a coma. Later, Bill saved Sookie from a really weird coma dream with a bunch of hippie fairies and then she freaked when she woke up and saw him. The King (of Mississippi AKA Russell) and Queen (of Louisiana) saved Pam and then the King tortured the Magister until he married them, then the King cut his head off. And now on to this week's episode…
More after the jump…
Warner Bros is moving ahead with plans for a second Green Lantern film by hiring Michael Goldenberg to handle scripting duties (as indicated by the hastily-Photoshopped typewriter above). Goldenberg has previously written Harry Potter and the Order of the Pheonix and Contact, as well as a rewrite on the first Green Lantern film. This move shows a lot of faith from the studio that the franchise will be a big hit. So prepare yourselves for the onslaught of marketing materials, because everywhere you look next summer you'll see little kids wearing novelty rings, eating green Whoppers, and suffering from skull gigantism caused by exposure to space radiation. (Variety)
Who wouldn't want to be Bruce Willis for a day? The man both on screen and off kicks ass, takes names, beds beautiful women, and even plays the harmonica. Ok, I'm willing to look past his Bruno days because he has us given such cool mofos over the years, from John McClane, Corbin Dallas, Joe Hallenback, and yes, even Hudson Hawk is a true favorite of mine.
Highly Debatable Best Role: John McClane in Die Hard
Appointed by President George W. Bush as national spokesman for Children in Foster Care.
MORE AFTER THE JUMP…