Lara Croft and Slave Leia Snowball Fight – Watch more Funny VideosApparently I need to go to Sundance next year. Forget the films and the free swag, Lara Croft and Princess Leia are throwing snow at each other! What two actresses of that caliber are doing in a completely random duel is beyond me, but Angelina totally pwns Carrie. I guess now we know where tomb raiders stand among members of royalty. Quick, to the presses! There are history books that need sexy revisions! (BuzzFeed)
Angelina Jolie can't decide which movie-I'll-never-see to do next. First there were reports that she dropped out of Wanted 2 in favor of Alfonso Cuaron's stranded on a spacestation drama Gravity. Word today is that she's not part of Gravity and is circling a project with Darren Aronofsky.The director and star are both looking to join an adaptation of Serena: A Novel. If the project does come to fruition, Serena: A Movie would star Jolie as the wife of a timber magnate in the woods of 1929 North Carolina. She would use the awesome powers of her vagina to convince him to commit increasingly ruthless acts. Later when she learns that she cannot conceive a child she decides that adoption is sooo 2002 and that murdering her husband's illegitimate son is the new hotness.Both Jolie and Aronofsky are waiting for a new script and budget before signing on to the evil vagina movie. I just wish that Angelina would learn to use that thing for good. Think of all the wars she could stop. (THR)
To ensure that this year's Oscars broadcast has a soundtrack just as bad as his movies do, giggly co-producer Adam Shankman has hired Good Charlotte's Joel Madden to serve as the ceremony's house DJ/head wanksta. Ah, I can see co-hosts Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin awkwardly white guy rapping the nominees right now. Shankman says:"I wanted there to be a party atmosphere and I wanted to make sure everyone in the room was having a great time" Oh yes, I'm sure everyone in the room will have a good time. Especially these guys:(People)
Taylor Lautner has too many toys in his sandbox. After yanking both Mattel's Max Steel and Hasbro's Stretch Armstrong away from his peers while screaming, "Mine!", his Hollywood parents told him to make a decision. Lautner decided on Stretch, throwing Max back to the less fortunate, uglier, smellier kids to fight over. An insider who carries Lautner's bag of wet wipes and binkies told Vulture, "When you sign on to make a movie with Hasbro, you know it will be in theaters a year later." Well said, overbearing Hollywood stagemother. I would assume Lautner would want to play a sweet futuristic character like Max Steel over a man with skin issues, but maybe he has opposing thoughts about what is cool. Or daddy demanded he abide by his decision or get the belt again.
Photo taken right before the prisoners ran a train on "the funny guy." Here are your weekend links.First Look at 'Iron Man 2' Action Figures (Moviefone)Naked New Yorkers Paint The Town Red (Asylum)25 Amazing Snow Sculptures (HolyTaco)Vancouver in Need of a Condom Refill (TotalProSports)Chat Roulette: The Movie (Unreality)Jones vs. Vera Fight Hype (CagePotato)Kate French is Ooh La La (Maxim)Candice Swanepoel Lingerie Megapost (CelebJihad)Bruce Willis Career Assessment (Pajiba)ManBear Part 2 (Atom)The Five Women You Meet in Bars (MadeMan)Shelby American Odds (AllLeftTurns)
Whale parkour is the new kite-boarding.A trainer was killed this past Wednesday at Orlando, Florida's Sea World in the jaws of Tilikum, the oldest and largest killer whale in captivity. It should also be known that Tilikum has two priors. From the NY Daily News:Tilikum, whose name means "friend" in the Native American language Chinook, has killed before – always unwittingly.In 1991, a marine biology student and part-time trainer fell into his tank in Canada and was dragged under by Tilikum. The whale and two females blocked her from getting out of the pool and tossed her back and forth in the air between them like a toy.In 1999, there was a case so bizarre it made headlines around the world: A man sneaked into Tilikum's pool at SeaWorld and his naked corpse was found the next day splayed on the whale's back.Wow. Is the soul of a reincarnated killer trapped in that whale's body?Actor Matt Damon makes this article film-relevant by joining the campaign to close Sea World down in the light of this tragedy. He tells Entertainment Tonight:"I think they should just shut them all down. I've never been a fan of places like that." Meh, put all those hard working people on the street. Matt Damon's never been a fan.At any rate, it's unclear what the future holds for Tilikut but the Syfy Channel's Original Movies Department is said to be interested in the whale's talents. Very interested. (via NY Daily News and IMDB)
It has become known to us that Michael Bay is planning on shooting scenes for Transformers 3 in both the heavily populated cities of Moscow and Chicago. All citizens are urged to remain calm. No more information can be provided at this time, but as a precautionary measure we advice that you secure all your women, eggs, and flammable liquids. More news when it becomes available. Good luck, and God bless. (/Film)
In an article about Robert Rodriguez's production slate, Empire mentions a small bit about Steven Seagal's difficulty on the set of Machete. Apparently Seagal insisted that he be cooled by a giant air conditioner at all times which now have to be digitally removed from the footage.Classic Seagal. Just look at these pre-treated stills from his past films. (The Playlist)
Danielle Panabaker has captured the hearts of men around the globe with her pixie-like appearance and her put-her-in-your-pocket-and-save-her-for-later appeal. She was also in Sky High, so………A word from Danielle: "I really did graduate at 14, and I go to college in the Los Angeles area near where I live."No one likes a bragger. And someone who's vague about their school so that someone else can't go find them.
"Let me in!! I'm being MURDERED!!!"Jon Cryer must be a really good husband because it seems his ex-wife doesn't want to share him with the world. Earlier this year, an episode of Two and a Half Men was taped without a studio audience because Jon Cryer feared his ex-wife hired an assassin to kill him. Thus, depriving us of the most interesting thing that could possibly happen in that studio. I ask you this, does this look like the face of a woman who dreams of murder?Well, she doesn't think so. Here's her side of the story:Trigger’s lawyer claims on December 21, 2009, Trigger told her that her ex-boyfriend, Eddie Sanchez, had said he was going to kill Cryer and Trigger’s estranged husband, David Dickey.Trigger’s lawyer became so alarmed she contacted lawyers for both Cryer and Dickey. On January 10, Dickey confronted Sanchez. According to legal docs, “Mr. Sanchez not only flatly denied making such a statement, but he said that it was [Sarah Trigger] who had contacted him on numerous occasions, stating that she wanted to see the pair [Cryer and Dickey] dead, and even asking Mr. Sanchez if he would kill the pair, or if he would not, inquiring whether she could speak with Mr. Sanchez’s father about this issue.” Sounds scary and stressful for Cryer. If he had any smarts he would disguise himself as a teenager and hide out at his nephew's high school immediately. (TMZ)
Production start on this film slipped right past my radar. Kristen Bell and Christian Bale seem like perfect casting in this taut thriller. No release date yet, but it just moved to the top of my "must see" list.
The Farrelly Brothers have been busy rounding out the cast of Hall Pass, the comedy where Owen Wilson is allowed to rub his genitals against any woman he wants with zero wifely consequences for one week. The cast currently consists of Wilson, Jenna Fischer, Jason Sudeikis, Amanda Bynes, J.B. Smoove, and Stephen Merchant.This morning comes news of the alluring actresses who will play the pontential recipients of the genital-rubbing. Christina Applegate, Alyssa Milano, Vanessa Angel, and Nicky Whelan have all inked deals to swell Wilson and Sudeikis's pants. If the Farrellys are hoping to attract the lucrative demographic of dumpy girls with low self-esteem, they're going about it the wrong way. (THR)
Wow, what a connection. They must have gone through so many penises and stuffed animals to finally find each other. I hope Walt immediately clicked "next" when he saw there weren't boobs on screen. Make a connection with these links.'Hurt Locker' Producer Apologizes for "Mean" Email (Moviefone)Teachers Suspended for Gym Lap Dance (Asylum)What Your Car Really Says About You (HolyTaco)Tim Burton's Weekend at Bernie's (FilmDrunk)Soccer + Women + Painted Jersies (TotalProSports)Most Terrifying 12 Seconds in Video Game History (Unreality)12 Hottest Women in MMA (CagePotato)Hollywood Hairpieces Timeline (Maxim)The Gary Busey Guide to Newborn Babies (CelebJihad)5 Best Horror Movie Remakes (Pajiba)Eat Your Soup From a Boot! (Atom)Find Out How to Get a Tank (MadeMan)McMurray Crew Member Leaps Car (AllLeftTurns)25 Female Douchebag Kissy Faces (RegretfulMorning)
It's about to get projectile vomit-y in here!! In an apparent bid to recruit more kids to the priesthood, there are two new movies centering around exorcisms in the Hollywood pipeline. Priests are so hot right now. They're the new vampires.First up, Anthony Hopkins has signed on for the supernatural thriller The Rite. He'll play a Vatican-sanctioned exorcist whose methods are untraditional. In other words, he's a priest who doesn't follow the rules. Good luck finding a volunteer to stay after Sunday School to bang out erasers with you. (THR)The Hangover's Zach Galifianakis will portray an exorcist/slacker in Miracle Workers. The comedy tells the story of two friends who pose as exorcists until they encounter a truly malevolent evil. Shouldn't be a problem for Zach. He worked with Mike Tyson and survived. A demon would only rape him half as much. (Dread Central)
Superman rescues mini Goyer. It doesn't matter why.David Goyer will write the new Superman movie to be titled The Man of Steel. This doesn't come as much of a surprise considering Dark Knight partner Christopher Nolan is shepherding the project for Warner Brothers, but a welcome one, nonetheless. Goyer intends to look to the original John Byrne creation for inspiration. Brandon Routh will not star and Bryan Singer is not expected to direct. So in other other words, less gay, more fun. Don't pretend like that's not an accurate description.Goyer's story involves Luthor and Brainiac, and won't be an origin story, so if you don't know anything about Superman you'll be like TOTALLY WTF? Don't worry, we'll watch all the prior films at my house before The Man of Steel hits theaters. I'll bring the popcorn, you bring the Bryan Singer (LatinoReview)
Finally, the douchebags on MTV's Next will have some fresh quotes from a popular movie that they try to pass off as their own. It's been announced that Tropic Thunder and Iron Man 2 scribe Justin Theroux will write and direct a follow-up to Zoolander. In fact, Theroux is heading to Fashion Week in Paris to "immerse himself on what is current in fashion." He's absolutely NOT going for the wild parties, hot women, and mini-croissants stuffed with brie. Just in case you heard that was the real reason.Jonah Hill is in talks to play the villian and Owen Wilson will hopefully reprise his role as Hansel, though he has yet to commit. But Luke Wilson wanted me to mention that he's available, and will work for mini-croissants stuffed with anything. (Deadline Hollywood)
Radha Mitchell got her big Hollywood start in Pitch Black opposite Vin Diesel, and has been a rising star ever since. The only downside is she kind of owes her success to Vin Diesel, and you NEVER want to be in that guy's pocket. A word from Radha: "Any situation today could be a tragedy or a comedy, it just depends on the mood that you're in when you're experiencing it, and the mood of the storyteller who is telling it." I could tell you a story of a puppy massacre while I was still high off a drug fueld threeway with Bar Refaeli and a stranger and I bet you'd still think it was tragic. So there. The pics after the jump are guaranteed to put you in a good mood.
Conan O'Brien is so hard up for social interaction that he's joined Twitter like the rest of us losers. Welcome to the club, Coco! As of right now, Conan has 272,791 followers, but by the time you realize Screen Junkies exists and actually read this post he could be inactive (dead). In the bio section of the Twitter verified account it states, "I had a show. Then I had a different show. Now I have a Twitter account." Oh how the mighty have fallen. But no worries, NBC will allow Conan to talk directly to humans again in September, and it seems Fox has an interest in providing him with a stage and broadcasting these interactions. Until then, follow Conan's Twitter here, and read more of his interviews with tiny woodland creatures. On Monday, you can watch Jay Leno on the show he stole back from Conan, that is if you're a sadomasocist. (HitFix)
Dreamworks has hired the voices of Nicolas Cage and Ryan Reynolds for an upcoming caveman comedy. The film was being developed at Aardman Animations with the name Crood Awakenings but is now simply called The Croods. Why change it? Both names conjure the image of diarrhea equally. Hey! Here's the plot: “An old school caveman must lead his family across a volatile prehistoric landscape in search of a new home. The outsized flora and fauna are challenge enough, but the real complication arises when the family is joined by an alarmingly modern caveman whose search for “tomorrow” is at odds with our hero’s reliance on the traditions of yesterday.” Cage will play the cave-dad while Reynolds voices the modern caveman who charms Cage's daughter. Sounds like a snake's oil salesman, if you ask me. Then again, snake's oil had a lot of practical uses back in those days, the main one being a lubricant. He had it all figured out, that snake's oil salesman. (Variety)
As April 30th grows closer, New Line is beginning their full-on marketing push for Platinum Dunes re-imagining of A Nightmare on Elm Street. This week has given us an onslaught of promotion. By this point we've seen a teaser, behind-the-scenes footage, stills, and now this second trailer. The first trailer offered bits of Freddy's backstory and a glimpse of Jackie Earle Haley in the makeup. This time around we get a good look at the nightmare sequences themselves, though not that great of a look at Krueger. But from what we do see, I'd say he's a lot more terrifying than his days with the Fat Boys.
Showgirls 2: The Return – Redband Trailer – Watch more Movie TrailersMurder by dumbbell, tainted coke, nipples, and strobe filters. Showgirls 2 resembles the locker room at my local Bally's Fitness. Don't ask me why the janitor rapidly flicks the lights on and off in there. One second you're checking your weight, the next second you're the subject of a massive circle jerk.Someone willingly gave director Marc Vorlander $25 million dollars to film a sequel to the atrocious Showgirls and it appears he spent most of it on the retro 45-second title sequence at the end of the trailer. Wow, Vorlander directed this piece of sh*t?! I knew that guy in high school. He'd always flick the lights on and off in gym…wait a minute. Bally's janitor! These links want a lap dance.The Most Racist Movies Ever (Moviefone)Creepy Batman Burlesque Show (Asylum)25 Sexy Snow Bunnies (HolyTaco)6 Ways to Get Lectured By Internet Commenters (Uproxx)Soccer Goalie Delivers Lethal Drop Kick (TotalProSports)10 Movies Where People's Heads Explode (Unreality)Pudzianowski's Next Opponent is a Fat Guy (CagePotato)Best Video Game Sports Reenactments (Maxim)Hot Alessandra Ambrosia Pics (CelebJihad)7 Best Buddy Cop Movies (Pajiba)Brangelina are Still Collecting Children (Atom) Sexy Spring Break Safety Tips (MadeMan)Danica and Dale Jr. at War (AllLeftTurns)
World's Greatest Dad.It was rumored some time ago that Mickey Rourke would portray Conan's dad in Marcus Nispel's upcoming Conan remake. The dealmaking fell through at the time but the producers likely sweetened the pot by offering a bag of sweetened pot (it's like kettle corn for your lungs). Now Rourke is close to signing on. As reported before Conan stars Fake Lenny Kravitz (with Leo Howard playing Lil' Conan) as he goes on a quest to avenge the slaughter of his people.This casting makes perfect sense. If Rourke were to have a child, there's no way that kid wouldn't grow up to have dreadlocks and a sword collection. (THR)
Heat Vision has posted a list of seven actors believed to be screen testing this week and next for The First Avenger: Captain America. They are Michael Cassidy (Smallville), Patrick Flueger (The 4400), Mike Vogel (She's Out of My League), Scott Porter (Friday Night Lights), Chace Crawford (Gossip Girl), Garret Hedlund (Tron Legacy), and Jim "John Krasinski" from The Office.Okay, but who are the real choices? What? These are them? THESE are them?? These guys. Okay. Well, silly me. I thought you'd cast someone who could carry the film and it's eventual Avengers spin-off. That's my bad. Far be it from me to tell the director of The Wolfman and Jurassic Park III what he should do differently. (THR)
Michelle Trachtenberg was and always will be Harriet the Spy. She was hot then and she's hot now. No wait, it's okay I think she was hot then because the memories are from when I was younger. I don't think she was hot then anymore. …Only kinda. A word from Michelle: "Anything you throw at me, I'll try to tackle…wait, does that make sense?" No. The pics after the jump make ALL KINDS of sense.
Let's pack it up, boys. No need to follow Bar Refaeli around town with our "seduction" kits any longer. We couldn't HAVE her before because leading man Leo DiCaprio is tappin' that ass (plus we're ugly), and now we don't WANT her because her vajayjay has touched the back of "The Situation's" self-tanner smeared neck.The ab extraordinaire must have sold the remains of his soul to the Devil in exchange for the opportunity to hoist Refaeli up on his shoulders. The vomit-inducing act was apparently a legit photoshoot for Interview Magazine, but something tells me it was "The Situation's" idea. When I asked DiCaprio how he felt about his girlfriend's crotch on a guido's neck, he responded:"Mama, I want hot dogs. I want hot dogs, Mama." I questioned a DVD of What's Eating Gilbert Grape. (TMZ)
Jonah Hill has signed on for The Sitter, a comedy that's being compared to Adventures in Babysitting or Charles in Charge with less coke on set. Like Jackie Chan before him, Hill will play a babysitter in charge of the well-being of three children. Though unlike Chan he will not have the secret side-profession of international spy. Let us hope that the family doesn't have a pet pig or duck or whatever Hollywood decides to give them to make the marketing more quirky. The evening goes awry when Hill brings the kids to a drug dealer's house while trying to score some blow so that he can get laid. So, that's how he does it!!David Gordon Green is in talks to take over the directing duties from The Wackness's Jonathan Levine, who is currently working on I'm With Cancer. Buzz is that the script is hilarious, but what attracted Hill to the project was the mention that his babysitter character would have full fridge privileges. (THR)
"I just go where they tell me to."The biggest problem I have with The Karate Kid remake isn't the casting or the performances but the premise. In the second trailer, we see Jaden Smith uprooted 11,000 miles away from home and forced to adjust to life on the rough and tumble streets of Beijing. I'm sorry but I refuse to believe that China is worse than Detroit. If you've ever been to Michigan, you know it looks like the aftermath of a zombie war. In China, the only real menace is subway overcrowding. All that withstanding, I can see this movie doing well. Jaden Smith's smugness is played down and Jackie Chan works as the grizzled mentor. Also, a monk threatens to bitchslap a cobra. The only thing that doesn't work for me are the "humorous" moments. I mean, c'mon. Is this a remake of The Karate Kid or Rush Hour 2? WATCH JACKIE CHAN BEAT CHILDREN AFTER THE JUMP…
Denmark Introduces Harrowing New Tourism Ads Directed By Lars Von TrierThe Onion got their hands on a few new Denmark tourism ads that director/cinematic sadist Lars Von Trier has been putting together. I'm sure more folks are inclined to visit now that they're aware of the banging club scene, but a pictorial on Willem Defoe's naked, flexed ass would have brought them in in droves.Take a magical trip through today's links.The Future of 3D in Cinema (Moviefone)Worst Real-Life Bosses (Asylum)25 Terrible Athletes (HolyTaco)Epic 80s Stripper Documentary (FilmDrunk)Naked Sled Racing Should be in the Olympics (TotalProSports)8 Best Hilarious Cameos in Comedies (Unreality)UFC Will Overcharge Fans in Movie Theaters (CagePotato)22 Awesome Things That Look Like Yoda (Maxim)Hilary Duff Thanks Her Fiancé with Her Mouth (CelebJihad)'Nightmare on Elm Street' Movie Poster (Pajiba)ICP Juggalo News (Atom)How To Make a Viral Video (MadeMan)Jimmie Johnson On Late Late Show (AllLeftTurns)6 Reasons Why You Didn't Get Laid Last Night (RegretfulMorning)
After casting a nationwide net, Joel and Ethan Coen have found an actress to portray the young protagonist in their True Grit remake. Thirteen-year old Hailee Steinfeld will be joining forces with Jeff Bridges and Matt Damon to hunt down Josh Brolin. Though Steinfeld isn't as popular as her co-stars, all of that is going to change. Her character, the fourteen-year old Mattie Ross, is described as a “simple, tough as nails, young woman in post-Civil War Arkansas. Her unusually steely nerves and straightforward manner are often surprising to those she meets. She possessed plenty of true grit and determination."Let's hope that Hailee Steinfeld is every bit as precocious as the character calls for. Remember, fourteen-year olds in Arkansas are considered mature for their age. They're at least mature enough to legally wed. (Deadline)