Ralph "The Original Karate Kid" Macchio is 48-years-old and he looks like he's 12, or Scott Baio at 12. Back in 1984, he had girls swooning over his crane kick, and now he's married and no longer a bad-ass. The guy doesn't even have a raunchy sex tape with leather clad hookers or politicians. Wax On, F*ck Off, a new documentary that was all the rage at the Hoboken Film Festival, follows Macchio as he tries to restore his reputation and convince people he's not just another non-burnout pussy. Check out the trailer for this important fictitious film after the jump.
Latest Hollywood fashion trend: The Bruce Willis MaskIt looks like F. Gary Gray might be breaking Bruce Willis and Jamie Foxx out of movie jail for Kane & Lynch. Gray has topped the list of potential directors for the videogame adaptation that sees two death row inmates sprung from the klink to retrieve a stolen microchip. No official offer has been made yet but Gray has quite a bargaining chip, given the unexpected success of Law Abiding Citizen. And I can't think of better casting for this project. Look at these characters from the game:Bruce Willis and Jamie Foxx ARE these characters. Though, we'll need to break Jamie Foxx's nose for this. Line forms to the left. (THR)
It's hard for most American moviegoers to get into reading subtitles, so here are 13 movies that make reading the subtitle cards worth it. This way the masses can enjoy a film from another part of the world and feel superior to their friends. Plus, Gael Garcia Bernal deserves more recognition from people who only speak English. ? ? CITY OF GODImagine Goodfellas in Brazil. The rapid fire editing, music, and action sequences make this almost 2 and half hour movie in the streets of Rio de Janero a sensational piece of cinema. You'll never turn your attention toward the clock while watching it. Portuguese hasn't been this engaging since your housekeeper got in a fight over the phone with her brother.
I've never been a fan of fast zombies. There's just something wrong with the idea of a corpse who can keep pace with a Vespa. Luckily, Frank Darabont subscribes to that school of thought and will present "The Walking Dead" stiffs exactly the way they are billed — walking. In an interview with AMC, Darabont cited Night of the Living Dead's zombie zero as the mold."For our zombie show I'm calling that the Book of Genesis, and whenever there's a question about zombie behavior, I go back to 'Night of the Living Dead.' Here's my favorite thing: the endless debate among the fans about how fast a zombie can move. There are the folks who just can't stand seeing zombies running. I'm kind of in that camp, but if you look at the very first zombie in 'Night' – the one in the cemetery chasing Barbara, he gets up to a pretty good jog. I'm keying our zombie behavior off of that film: Whether they're in a very languid state or they're on the attack, they'll move no faster than that first zombie in 'Night of the Living Dead.'"Okay. I can live with zombies getting up to a light jog, but nothing more than that. Something around a 3 or a 4 on the "Rushing to the Bathroom Scale," is permissable. But by no means should they get up to a cotton-touching number like 7 or 8. (via Dread Central)
Paramount Pictures is taking its UNTITLED Les Grossman Project way too far. A press release announcing the film treated Grossman as if he was a real "mega-producer" rather than a somewhat-humorous fictional character. While I wasn't a big fan, the release does allow me to use block quotes, and I'm a big fan of that! Paramount Pictures and MTV Films announced today that they are set to develop a movie around mega-producer Les Grossman. The announcement comes on the heels of Grossman’s groundbreaking and visionary production of the soon-to-be Emmy® award-winning 2010 MTV Movie Awards Sunday night. Tom Cruise, along with Ben Stiller and Stuart Cornfeld of Red Hour Films will produce and have secured the life rights to Grossman. See what I mean? Block quotes rule. The release goes on to say that Grossman played himself in Tropic Thunder, even though we all know it was Tom Cruise. It also claims that Tom Crusie will be portraying the real Grossman in the new movie, even though there is no real Grossman to portray! I need a map to keep up with all the ins and outs. I haven't been this god damn confused since Garth Brooks was dating the awful rocker, Chris Gaines.
Both Tim Burton and John August are in negotiations to work on the film adaptation of Monsterpocalypse. The film is based on a strategy board game created by Matt Wilson in which Japanese movie monsters do battle.If the negotiations are successful, this would mark the fourth time the director/screenwriting team has collaborated. Previously, the pair worked together on Big Fish, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and The Corpse Bride.I haven't been this excited for a repeat collaboration since I heard that Bruce Willis was re-teaming with Matthew Perry on The Whole 10 Yards. Maybe it was the brain tumor talking, but that movie was funny as hell! Don't worry. I'm in remission.Hey, did I ever tell you about the time I was diagnosed with a brain tumor? It was right about the time The Whole 10 Yards came out. Great movie.What, they're making a movie adaptation of Monsterpocalypse! Awesome! (Dread Central)
Tony Gilroy, the screenwriter for the original Bourne trilogy, has signed on to write the treatment for The Bourne Legacy, the planned fourth installment of the franchise. Gilroy joins Frank Marshall and Pat Crowley, who have returned to produce.Despite the positive momentum, not all of the original pieces are in place. Actor Matt Damon and director Paul Greengrass have yet to sign on to the project, and Damon has stated that he will only participate if Greengrass directs. Then again, people say a lot of things. My old girlfriend said we'd be together forever, but as soon as she got the starring role in Precious, she dropped me like an empty Taco Bell wrapper. Be careful, Greengrass. It could happen to you! (Deadline)
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I apologize for all the penis-shaped objects this week.In order to make up for the lack of box office success of American movies with Japanese audiences, Paramount is planning a Japanese remake of Ghost. Why Ghost when they could remake something other than Ghost? Because of the pottery wheel scene, dummy! It's sexy, and dirty, and raw, and scored with Righteous Brothers music. The Japanese go apesh*t for that combo.The new version of Ghost will star Nanako Matsushima in the Demi Moore role and Song Seung Heon as the ghost of Patrick Swayze. Well not the ghost of Patrick Swayze, but the ghost of his character Sam in the movie. India's already remade the film twice (because once wasn't enough?), so who's to say it won't have the same kind of success in Japan. Wet clay is universal. That's why my apartment is full of my own head casts. Company doesn't find them at all disturbing. (/Film)
Paul Rudd has assembled his past movie girlfriends and a few indie darlings to form a Voltron of hotitude.. hoticity… umm… attractiveness. Elizabeth Banks, Zooey Deschanel, Emily Mortimer, and Rashida Jones have all joined his upcoming Jesse Peretz project My Idiot Brother.In the film, Banks, Deschanel, and Mortimer will play Rudd's put-upon sisters whom he totally You, Me, and Duprees. Mortimer is a Park Slope mom with a failing marriage, Banks is a career girl, and Deschanel is a flaky bisexual who can't commit to girlfriend Rashida Jones. Hopefully Paul Rudd can help those mixed up lovebirds see the error of their ways and they live happily ever after in boob-touching bliss. Expect that news to swell a lot of pants at ironic yacht parties this weekend. (THR)
Delphine Chanéac is a French model and actress whose last American film appearance was in The Pink Panther remake as "The Ticket Checker." She landed a meatier role as Dren in Splice, but unfortunately she has a shaved, cleft head like the lunch lady we all used to make fun of in elementary school. A word from Delphine: "I had to wear blue socks over high heels, my hands became my feet and my tail was wrapped in blue."Worst. First. Date. EVER. More pics of Delphine without a tail after the jump.
This show will have more hair jokes than "Glee." After the season finale of "Breaking Bad" this Sunday, stay tuned for a preview of AMC's new drama "Rubicon" starring James Badge Dale, the guy who looks like the teacher from "Glee." The conspiracy thriller is about "an analyst at a New York City think-tank who is thrown into a story where nothing is as it appears to be." I realize that tells you absolutely nothing, but the fun of the series is the **wiggles fingers** myyyyyystery. I read the script for the pilot and liked it quite a bit. You have to pay close attention as the main character uses his knowledge of crossword puzzles to uncover a mass conspiracy, but the hook of the four-leaf clover grabs you from the start. I hope they don't go the "LOST" route and choose an obvious ending. I'll be so pissed if a clan of leprechauns is behind the whole thing. "Rubicon" premieres August 1st at 8/7c with a sneak preview this Sunday. Check out the trailer and poster after the jump…
"Derp! Why did I drive into this log?"Still no word on what totally retarded plot contrivances will make their way into Final Destination 5, but today we have news that a director has been hired. Avatar's 2nd HMFIC, Steven Quale, will be in charge of impaling sexy teens for the fifth go-round. Really though, who builds a javelin manufactory next to batting cages? That's an accident waiting to happen.Quale has a lot of experience with 3D, having co-directed the underwater documentary Aliens of the Abyss with James Cameron as well as serving as 2nd Unit Director on Avatar, so perhaps this movie won't be a complete wash-out. No details from Eric Heisserer's script have been released, so we don't know what narrowly-avoided cataclysmic event will serve as a catalyst for the plot. The fourth entry was based around a NASCAR race gone horribly awry, and seeing how these movies get progressively dumber, I'm going to say this one opens with an Insane Clown Posse concert fire. R.I.P. Juggalos. C U in Shangri-La. (THR)
Yes, they made it, okay? They made a porn parody of "The Golden Girls," that show about four old women, three of which have passed, and the other who the Internet won't leave alone. You all walk around with your heads held high like you're sooooooo superior and don't have a GILF fetish. Now if it were called "Golden Shower Girls" I'd understand why you wouldn't want to watch. Except for the sickos, of course. Not that there's anything wrong with watching old women get peed on. No, I take that back. This may bite me in the ass when I run for political office, but I stand by the belief that it IS wrong to watch old women get peed on. Unless they're dead. Roll the footage!
I've already written about pornstars and Muppets this morning. What else is left to cover but giant space robots!After years of rumors and indecision, plans for a Voltron movie have been scrapped. However, fans need not worry, as they'll soon be able to get their nostalgia fix on the small screen. A reboot of the popular 80's cartoon is underway. The new series will air on Nicktoons, and will be rolled out alongside a brand new toy line.As cool as these new toys sound, times are tough. If you find that money is too tight, construct a homemade "Voltron" robot using wire hangers, your cat, and a soldering iron. But make sure your cat is either asleep or dead before you start the soldering, or it's going to get really pissed off. I recommend using Benadryl and a brick, respectively. (Cinema Blend)
Take notes, boys. THIS is how you peacock.In news that is sure to make you say, "Hrrmm, yeah. That's okay. I guess," Christopher Mintz-Plasse and David Tennant have joined Craig Gillespie's Fright Night remake. The pair will use their soft joke-fingers to comically-relieve and tug the laughter out of audiences. Gently at first, but then harder and faster as the film approaches its climax.Tennant will play Peter Vincent, a character who in the original movie was played by Roddy McDowall as the host of a late-night horror show. In the remake, he’s a Las Vegas magician whose show revolves around horror-movie imagery. Vincent claims to be a vampire expert, but when the teen turns to him for assistance, he’s less than helpful. Mintz-Plasse is playing Evil Ed, Yelchin’s friend who feels slighted that Charlie has left his nerdy past behind and thus joins the vampire’s coven. In my experience you need to be careful when a middle-aged man dresses in a cape and claims to be a vampire expert. Last time I did that, the chubby teens at the Hot Topic turned me in to mall security. (THR)
When it comes to gifts, what do you get the man who has everything? The answer: a new Muppet movie!Disney has announced the latest installment from Kermit and the gang will hit theaters on Christmas Day, 2011, just in time for the Christ child's birthday.Writen by Jason Segel and directed by "Flight of the Conchords" co-creator James Bobin, the project is aimed at introducing the Muppets to a whole new generation of fans.According to Variety, the film will be up against Steven Spielberg's Adventures of Tintin and Cameron Crowe's We Bought a Zoo, both of which can kiss my ass. It's Muppet time, bitches! Wakka Wakka Wakka!
Eat your heart out, Sasha Grey. And since you're here, eat your fart out, as well. Tee-hee!Pornstar Belladonna has landed her first role in a mainstream movie. The adult starlet is set to appear in Stripped, a new horror film which follows three young boys "trapped in a house with a 'family' of malevolent women." We can only assume that Belladonna will play the part of Nelson Mandela.For those of you unfamiliar with Belladonna's work (like myself), she is the Steve Buscemi of the porn industry. What she lacks in the looks department she makes up for with raw talent and determination. And just like Steve, she's not afraid to take a fist in her "ying-ling" or her "who-ha." Wait, does Steve even have a "who-ha?" And what's a "ying-ling?" Oh….oh god!You're a filthy whore, Steve Buscemi. A filthy, filthy whore. (Cinema Blend)
Reunited and it feels so good.Check out these links with your homicidal mother. 'The Karate Kid': Where Are They Now? (Moviefone)'Twin T*tties' Bar Event Celebrates Boobies (Asylum)Stephen Baldwin Talks Oil Spill, Palin, and Obama (PopEater)Sword-Wielding Porn Actor Dies (FilmDrunk)5 Rules of Strip Club Etiquette (HolyTaco)'Die Hard' Is Far More Hilarious in Japan (Unreality)11 Sickest Chill and Banger Songs Vol. One (BroBible)12-Year-Old Grabs Bull By The Horns (TotalProSports) Hollywood's Hottest Rides (Maxim)Fighters Union Needs To Unite (CagePotato)Rob Pats Cancels Appearance Due to Hemorrhoids (CelebJihad)40 Motivational Speeches in Two Minutes (Smosh)15 Most Popular Cult Movies Of The Last 5 Years (Pajiba)Loman's Deathmobiles (Atom)How To Know Not To Get Married (MadeMan)31 Of The Most Unusally Labeled Engery Drinks (RegretfulMorning)
He'll be like this but older and with web stuff. Bleeding Cool is at it again with the Spider-Man reboot casting rumors. They're reporting that the role is pretty much Jamie Bell's (Billy Elliot's), as long as he passes the studio's turn and cough tests:I’m told that Jamie Bell was scheduled to fly into California this week. The plan is that he will be undergoing a few weeks of camera tests while simultaneously working with a personal trainer to ensure he is able to perform some of the more spider-like stunts that will be required of him. However this is being considered a formality.Frank Dillane is still being considered for the role, but he appears to be Sony’s back up plan. Unless something goes very wrong, I understand that Bell will be playing the Spider-Man role. To the extent that Jamie has been heard referred to as Spider Man in casual conversation around Sony.I'd like to think those casual conversations go a little something like this:Studio Exec: I bet the new Spider-Man Jamie Bell doesn't have as tight of an ass as you.Attractive Assistant: My parents keep telling me I should quit this job.Studio Exec checks email on Blackberry. End scene.
Much like a transient hobo, a mysterious video appeared online today and wagged it's weiner at all of us leaving us bemused. We're not really sure if this has anything to do with Warner Bros. planned Mortal Kombat reboot or the next game in the series. What we do know is that someone dragged the Mortal Kombat mythos through the Saw garden and brought Black Dynamite and Seven of Nine along for the ride. Still, it's interesting to see a grittier, more realistic take on the source material. Or as realistic as a movie featuring a brain-eating reptile man, a knife-armed plastic surgeon, and a washed-up action star turned cop can be. Hey, Steven Seagal did it. Wagged his weiner at people, I mean. Whatever, at least ninjas aren't raining from the sky. (Kotaku) Check it out after the jump and be the judge. Ridiculous movie or expensive videogame?
Democracy in action. Michael Bay has gotten it in his head to blow a whole bunch of crap up in our nation's capitol for his little movie film Transformers 3. Washington D.C. loves that Bay is bringing money to the city by shooting on location there, but it's not such a big fan of his plans to stage a "car race" along the National Mall's gravel paths and flood it with artificial light in order to shoot at night, and using simulated explosions and pyrotechnics at locations along Pennsylvania and Independence avenues. When President Obama heard the news he said, and I quote, "F*ck that sh*t. I need to sleep." Bay, however, doesn't subscribe to "laws" or "cease and desist" orders. He plans on shooting in D.C. until the National Guard drags him out bicycle-kicking and screaming. A studio spokesperson told The Washington Post, "We've gone from two weeks to 10 days to three days to seven days." They're working closely with Bay to further his understanding of time and the long hand on a watch. So far they've gotten to boom o'clock. (FilmSchoolRejects)
Everyone hated the last Indiana Jones so the only rational thing to do is make another one. You know, as like an apology and stuff. The Kiwi (New Zealand) side of Stuff Magazine has the scoop on the Indy 5 plot details that you hoped would never surface: The new film will be Ford's last, and a return to the series' roots (meaning less state of the art visual effects) after the last entry failed to resonate with fans. (According to a mysterious source) Indy's going to The Bermuda Triangle: "Indiana Jones 5 will begin shooting next year, and much of the plot line will be centered around the Bermuda Triangle, an area over the North Atlantic Ocean where a number of aircraft are said to have disappeared (and definitely not because of f*cking aliens)." Stuff goes on to add that, according to their (soooo mysterious) source, "George (Lucas) and Steven (Spielberg) have been working on a script and it's almost there." They also report that "Harrison is on stand-by for filming next year. This looks like being an emotional and exciting conclusion to the franchise, with Indy facing his biggest challenge yet." As you can infer by the cited cloaked source, this news is somewhere in between a rumor and a fart in the wind. The only info I gravitated toward was that Harrison Ford is standing-by for filming. At least cook something! Jeez, Harrison…
Michael Fassbender is slated to be Comic-Con royalty one way or another. After breaking out big in Inglourious Basterds and The Hunger, Fassbender is now being eyed both for Matthew Vaughn's X-Men: First Class and Sony/Marc Webb's Spider-Man reboot. However, according to Showbiz411, he can only do one.If he chooses X-Men, he'd know full well how f***ing magnets work as he'd be playing Magneto opposite James McAvoy's Professor X. Should he choose the Spider-Man reboot, he'd play an unspecified villian who squares off against a teen-aged Peter Parker. I'd prefer to see him as Magneto, as he's an all-around great character whose extreme actions you can sympathize with. The most compelling villain in the Spider-Man universe dresses like an octopus.
Joe Carnahan's The A-Team comes out this Friday. We'll be posting our review later in the week, but there's one thing I can tell you right now about the film: there are absolutely no midgets in it. Not even one. Luckily, Break remade the famous intro and cast little people as Hannibal, Face, Murdock, and B.A. It's big on action, short on stature. Check out The Lowercase a-Team after the jump.
Elena Kolpachikova was born on the Black Sea in Yalta Ukraine, which sounds like a superhero origin story. She worked as a model in Europe for High Fashion designers, then moved to New York and graduated from the Lee Strasberg Institute and NYU film school, started her acting career and moved to Los Angeles. Beauty AND brains, fellas. Raise your hand if you're intimidated. More pics of the Elena a.k.a. The Complete Package after the jump.
Sooooo someone's making Titanic 2: Mermaid Saviors. There's a casting call for it on Craigslist, which means I can only assume it's absolutely legit. You want to audition? Shave and oil your legs and slip those flippers on for your big shot on July 1st and 2nd. "Actors with mermaid and under water acting experience are highly desirable." The synopsis straight from the source:"The film begins moments after the sinking of the Titanic. All who have drowned are brought back to life by a futuristic race of mermaids, called the Mantocks, who welcome the humans to their underwater paradise. Soon after, JACK DAWSON is elected king of the underwater humans. DAWSON requests that all humans be returned above water, a request that is denied by KING MANTROCK. The humans are slowly brainwashed into worshiping their mermaid saviors. Meanwhile, the sunken TITANIC has become a haunted underwater wasteland inhabited by RAGGARO and his band of mermaid pirates. Will the humans ever free themselves from their mermaid slavery? Will the mermaid pirates wage war on Mantock?"I'm going to go out on a limb and say this could possibly be the best movie ever. When was the last time we saw a decent mermaid war waged on film, or video, or whatever they're going to shoot this thing on? I don't care what anyone says, tridents are a true mermaid man pirate's weapon of choice. Now let's take this sunken ship by force! **Stabs cheese cubes with three-pronged fork, dives into kiddy pool** (Cinematical)
Chillest family ever.Thanks to Kate Hudson, when you think Matthew McConaughey you don't automatically think comedy. You think beach yoga and Rogaine treatments. That hasn't stopped FX from picking up "Kick Ass Militia" from the bare-chested actor's production company J.K. Livin.Based on an idea from McConaughey's long-time friend JR Reed, "Kick Ass Militia" is a single-camera comedy about two brothers who butt heads on their Malibu compound. One is a survivalist and the other a free-loving cult leader. Think of it as "Two and a Half Men" with Ted Nugent replacing Jon Cryer. After hunting him for sport, of course. (Deadline)
2010 has been the year of the "ex-military heroes out to do good…or evil." With The Losers already having left the cineplex, The A-Team due out this Friday, and The Expendables arriving later in the summer, we've been inundated with rock 'em, sock 'em gub'ment agents turned rogue.We decided to take a closer look at how all our favorite groups of mercenaries (those that used to do government work, that is) are related to each other – in a sort of "on and off the silver screen" way.
Douche lovers around the world have been salivating since December when rumors of an "Entourage" movie began to surface. Now, producer Mark Wahlberg has laid out some specifics, saying that the show will most likely last two more seasons before it's made into a feature film. He also dropped hints about possible plans for a wildly original plot. "In the trailer, you see [Ari Gold and his associate, Lloyd] waking up together in Vegas not knowing what happened," Wahlberg imagined. "It would be pretty cool!" Jesus Christ? As long as we're blatantly ripping off Vegas movies, why not go the Casino route and have Vince and the gang beaten to death in a secluded cornfield? That would be even funnier than the time Drama banged the furry (LOL!), mainly because they'd all be bleeding and gasping for air (LMAO)! (First Showing)