The Many Looks Of William George (Billy) Zane Jr.

Thursday, October 13 by
I'm no theologian, but I'll be f*cked if he's not one of the five people you meet in heaven.  

For an actor who hasn’t really had any big roles…ever, Billy Zane sure has been masterful about maneuvering his way into the popular consciousness. Granted, there are many different ways to do this, such as political action, charity involvement, and, of course, public romances.

Billy Zane hasn’t gone those routes. As best I can tell, Zane has made his presence felt not by his craft or any of the aforementioned items, but simply by changing his appearance over. And over. And over. It’s his eye for fashion that perhaps garnered him his most high-profil role (cameo) to date, stretching his range by playing “Billy Zane” in Zoolander. He was informed by Derek Zoolander to “Put a cork in it,” after suggesting to the aging model that he might want to reconsider going head-to-head with that Hansel, who was so hot right then.

12. “Turkish Academic” Zane

He'll get in your pants, but not before he shares with you his thoughts on Carthage.

11. “Tobias Funke’s Brother, Arturo” Zane

You're not seeing things. One lens is clearly darker than the other.

10. “Guido Swing Kid” Zane

He'll stop Hitler, then he'll roofie your date.

9. “Sometimes I Pass Myself Off As A Middle-Aged Black Guy” Zane

"Why yes, I did subscribe to 'Jet'. Why do you ask, my brother?"

8. Giussepe Zane

"My hair...it's...not much. So I shave-a da head."

7. “Brokeback Molehill” Zane

Oh, how I wish I knew how to quit you, Billy Zane!

6. “These Are My Nipples” Zane

5. “Now I’m Hispanic” Zane

"I even say 'tornado' like this: 'tohr-nah-do'"

4. “I’m Thinking About Re-Upholstering My Yacht” Zane

"Brandy Alexander, please. Make it a double."

3. “My Stylist Went Off His Meds” Zane

"My dad was Bono and my mom was in a ska band."

2. “Just Got Out Of Bed” Zane

He was born looking this way.

1. Red, White, and Zane

I've never been prouder of our nation's flag.

 

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