The 6 Most Useless Sidekicks In History

Wednesday, May 22 by

Some sidekicks risk their lives to solve a mystery or catch the bad guy. Others seem to get in the way more often than they help. These 6 useless sidekicks are perhaps the worst in cinema history.

Alicia Silverstone as Batgirl

Batman & Robin, perhaps the worst movie in the Batman franchise, shows a stressed relationship between the caped crusader and his fairly useless sidekick. Robin has always seemed like a joke. The comic book versions of Robin prove he’s only half the fighter as Batman. The TV series make him look like a Cub Scout. The movies make him look like a bore and a snot.

But Robin is nothing compared to the Batgirl. This character was never going to do great things. That’s obvious. But Alicia Silverstone somehow managed to phone in her performance with such weak reception that she knocked the character down to a laughable status.

Watching Mr. Freeze fail to destroy Batgirl is one of the most underwhelming, disappointing moments ever caught on film.

Ray Winstone as “Mac” George Michale

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull literally made some fans cry (at least if you believe the South Park episode about the crushing end to this once glorious franchise).

There are so many weak links in this catastrophe that it’s almost embarrassing to waste time thinking about which character comes across as the movie’s worst. In the name of scientific inquiry, though, we must be brave.

“Mac” George Michale, played by Ray Winstone, is absolutely the lousiest character.

What’s so terrible about “Mac”? Let’s count the ways:

  • He keeps calling Indy Jones-ey.
  • He turns on Indiana Jones to settle gambling debt (who betrays Indiana Jones?).
  • He keeps treating Indy like a friend even after he’s stabbed him in the back.
  • He lies and lies and lies. And he rarely tells the truth.

Taking “Mac” out of Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull wouldn’t have saved the movie. You’d have to take out the aliens to do that. But “Mac” certainly added a foul stink to a crappy movie.

Jar Jar Binks, Voiced by Ahmed Best

Why must directors ruin their own creations? Seriously, what is wrong with George Lucas?

After making a brilliant trilogy, Lucas turned around and directed Star Wars: Episode I: The Phantom Menace. Perhaps he just wanted to smash the dreams of 20-somethings who grew up loving the original movies.

Put aside that Lucas laid out the lamest explanation ever for the Force. Set aside concerns about a boring, long-winded story with few thrills. Forget those things, and you’re still left with Jar Jar Binks.

Jar Jar Binks has to be the most useless character in the Star Wars franchise. At least C3PO is a good translator. Jar Jar is just a bumbling moron who causes more trouble than he’s worth.

You can also add that many people consider the character a racist depiction of African-Americans. Ahmed Best and Lucas disagree that the character has any racist overtones, but newspapers around the world published articles asking whether Jar Jar was, in fact, derogatory.

Whether he is or isn’t hardly matters. He’s a terrible sidekick who should have been stricken from the script’s first draft.

Rob Schneider as Herman Ferguson

Judge Dredd was such an awesome comic book that no one could possibly screw up a movie adaptation. Oh, wait, what about Rob Schneider? Yeah, that guy can tank anything!

And so he does as Judge Dredd‘s inept sidekick, Herman “Fergee” Ferguson. Fergee serves one purpose: making life harder for Judge Dredd, who already has a pretty hard life considering that he’s trying to clean up a world gone to Hell.

Plenty of the comic book’s fans grimaced when they heard Sylvester Stallone would play the part of Judge Dredd. But Stallone did a good job a couple years prior in Demolition Man, so perhaps he could pull it off. Then they saw that Rob Schneider, for some reason unknown to man, had a role.

Is there anything that Schneider can’t ruin?

Chris Tucker as Ruby Rhod

When Chris Tucker earned some popularity for his comedic appearance in Friday, he seemed to have plenty of potential. Then he took a role in The Fifth Element and proved that he could out-annoy anyone in the world.

Ruby Rhod as an ego that nothing could deflate. Perhaps that’s why he has enough wind inside him to yell at all times. He’s manic, high-pitched, and ridiculous. The ladies in the movie seem to like him (perhaps that’s because Rhod dresses like Prince, who the world will obviously worship for hundreds of years), but even they must stuff their ears with cotton before fooling around with him.

When it comes to fighting the bad guys, Rhod is also worthless. He’s a liability in every imaginable way. If the Academy handed out an award for jeopardizing a movie hero’s life, Tucker would have won it in 1997.

Sean Astin as Samwise “Sam” Gamgee

When it comes to Peter Jackson’s version of The Lord of the Rings, people tend to love it or hate it. No matter what you think about the movie, though, you have to admit that Sam, played by Sean Astin, is one of the most useless sidekicks in cinematic history.

Sam has his good points. He’s extremely loyal to Frodo. He even saves Frodo’s life on more than one occasion. He’s brave in his own way. But he’s only brave because he overcomes so many flaws that it’s hard for anyone to really root for the character. Or perhaps it’s Jackson’s clumsy handling of the character that makes him so dispensable.

Sam has a hangdog look and a fool’s bravery that puts Frodo and the other adventurers in plenty of tight spots. He’s not a bad guy, but he doesn’t belong on an epic journey. He should have stayed back at the shire, tending his garden and minding his own business while the real heroes set out to save the world from evil.

Do you like this story?

More about...