Even though Michael Keaton is currently on a press tour to promote his new movie Need For Speed, alongside Aaron Paul, there’s really only one thing on his mind: Beetlejuice 2, Beetlejuice 2, Beetlejuice 2! Though he does have a few conditions (e.g. Tim Burton must direct–DUH, if not, why bother?!). Keaton is saying he’s been keen to get back in the shoes of the ghost with the most for years. And the good news is that Tim Burton apparently IS on board with this. But Tim, if you’re still on the fence, if you still need a little convincing, here are 10 reasons why you absolutely NEED to make this movie! (Maybe I should also say Beetlejuice three times, just to be safe? He’ll always appear when you say it three times, right?)
1. Michael Keaton is still young enough to play the role. It would be blasphemy to cast anyone but him, but…let’s be honest, the man isn’t getting any younger. You gotta get on that while he still has the physical strength to uncoil a pair of 20 foot-long arms that are attached to inflatable mallet hands. Getting around that with CGI is NOT OK.
2. Beetlejuice cannot be played by an old man, because he can never age beyond the age that he was when he died, which is the age that he is as a dead guy. Otherwise, it won’t make any sense. Again, Keaton’s not getting any younger!
3. A sequel of sorts without Michael Keaton has already been made. It was weekly, it was animated and it was for kids. And it was terrible. Just kidding, I really don’t know if it was terrible or not. What I DO know is that it didn’t have any of the dirty jokes or references to great literature in the form of miniature hellish whore houses. This wrong needs to be righted.
4. Beetlejuice attended the Harvard Business School and Julliard. He’s seen The Exorcist about a hundred and sixty seven times…and it keeps getting funnier every time he sees it! Can we really let those qualifications go to waste?
6. As long as you don’t cast Helena Bonham Carter, everyone will see it. OK, so that’s just not realistic. Everyone will see it anyway.
7. A movie like this made using practical effects over CGI would be wonderfully refreshing. (You’d use practical effects, right, Tim??)
8. People have forgotten about the whole Winona Ryder shoplifting thing. In fact, people have pretty much forgotten about Winona Ryder period. Lydia, (a.k.a the “love” of Beetlejuice’s afterlife) could come back without tarnishing the film. Well, maybe a little with her bad acting. But that’s OK. It’s a comedy.
9. A story about bio-exorcism is always relevant. How many times have you wished you could say something as simple as “Beetlejuice” three times in order to get some awful people out of your house? It’s completely relateable. Who wouldn’t want to again live vicariously through the person that calls on Beetlejuice to do just that for them?
10. Because it would be amazing. I know I’m not alone in citing Beetlejuice as one of my all-time favorite movies or in thinking that Beetlejuice is a character who a new generation of audiences
would will love too. Tim, make the sequel now and make it right, before someone else does the unthinkable…and does a remake.