Pauly Shore is America's Great Divider. Even his blink-and-you’ll-miss-it appearance in a popular 42-second online film is enough to make people hate the whole thing and remind themselves and the rest of the Internet how much they hate him. LAST DAY DREAM – Watch more Funny Videos In an unprecedented move, Screen Junkies has completed the first ever survey of Pauly Shore cinematic scholars, as well as a few undergrads majoring in "Pauly Shore Studies," which some of schools in the UC system have made available as a path of metriculation. The results of our unprecedented survey demonstrate that there are basically only three Pauly Shore jokes, repeated in film after film. These are those jokes.
This evening, The Hollywood Reporter posted that Kurt Wimmer, writer of Street Kings, Equilibrium, Ultraviolet and the upcoming Salt , has been hired by Neal H. Moritz and Original Films to complete a draft of a Total Recall remake. They're calling it a "contemporized adaptation."All I'm saying is that I hope they don't go the CG-route with the three-boobed lady. At Screen Junkies, we prefer our mutated female breasts to be all-natural latex prosthetics.
This afternoon, Screen Junkies received an email from the man known as "Impeto," asking us if we might help spread his musical gospel to the online film community. We were skeptical at first. Impeto's broken English did not do him any favors in dispelling the thought that his email was part of an elaborate scam to drain the entirety of Screen Junkies' sizeable bank account. But Impeto's passion transcended the need for syntax (or coherence, for that matter). We watched the clip above and… well… we sh*t our pants a bit. We're calling it today, June 2nd, 2009: Impeto is the next great film composer. He may also have usurped Keyboard Cat's throne. If you can fight through the Impeto-induced tears, check out today's Top Links: MacGruber movie explodes into pre-production. (Film Drunk) Melissa Maria Gonzalez is Topless (Gorilla Mask) Review of Killshot with Joe Gordon Levitt (Pajiba) New 'Man in the Box' Episode! New 'Man in the Box' Episode! (YouTube) Are "Yoga Toes" heralding a new age of Porn? (Asylum) Cool Live Blog from E3 (UnrealityMag) Reservoir Dogs and Muppets = Hilarious (Sick Pigs) Alicia Silverstone's Daily Planner… Then and Now (Regretful Morning) Will Ferrell on "Man Vs. Wild" (The Bachelor Guy) Classic Works of Art… Updated (Holy Taco) Hooters Waitress Car Wash Returns (Busted Coverage) Norm McDonald: A Tribute to the Man That is Awesome. Period. (Uncoached)
Check out G4's near-fifteen minute clip of Avatar auteur James Cameron talking all about the film, the accompanying video game, and how at this point, he's sort of figured out that "Impossible is Nothing." Of course, ADIDAS has been reminding us of that for years now, but it's a little harder to believe a shoe. I'm really starting to believe that James Cameron is the solution to all the world's problems. You just have to tell him he can't do it. Then he'll figure out a way to do it, but also make it 3-D. I anticipate a 3-D vaccine for AIDs (in THX sound) no later than 2050. In the meantime, bring on Avatar.
LAND OF THE LOST CLIP – CHAKA GIVES DR. MARSHALL FOOD – Watch more Funny VideosAbove is a Break Media/Screenjunkies.com exclusive clip from Land of the Lost. Press play to see Dr. Rick Marshal (Will Ferrell) partake in his first sample of local cuisine, which the hirsute Chaka (Jorma Taccone) is more than happy to introduce him to. I had a chance to check out the entire film last week, and I have to say that the TV promos, trailers and clips that have come out thus far aren't a fair indicator of the finished film's tone. It's waaaay more "adult" than I imagined. I'm not kidding when I say that the movie features bare female breasts and an F-bomb in the dialogue (though not in the way that you might expect).In short, the flick pushes its PG-13 rating to the limit.Follow Screen Junkies on TWITTEROther Junk You Might Like:Lost vs. Muppet Babies is like Wizard of Oz vs. Dark Side of the Moon.Melissa Maria Gonzalez
Variety reports that Universal and Illumination Entertainment have acquired the screen rights to Martin Handford's best-selling Where's Waldo? books, and they have a plan to turn the series into a live-action family film already in the works. No word on what the plot may be, but something tells me they're not going to do a direct conceptual lift of the books. I can see that pitch meeting. "Hey, remember Russian Ark?" *Universal meeting room trap door opens, swallowing misguided writer* The last time we saw Waldo come alive was in the 1991 TV series, in which Waldo and his dog Woof traveled the world – and through time – solving mysteries at the behest of Wizard Whitebeard.So Waldo gets a deal with a Hollywood studio after after disappearing for a good decade… Interesting… Deals like this don't just "happen," right? Where exactly has Waldo been? I've got a pretty f**king good idea.
Director: TBDCast: TBDSynopsis: A live-action adaptation of Martin Handford's best-selling illustrated books. [Project is in developmentt at Universal Pictures.]
Last night, the MTV Movie Awards ran a brand new clip from Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, in which Sam (Shia Labeouf) and Sam's so-unattainably-hot-you-have-to-slap-yourself-in-the-face-while-making-cartoon-gurgling-sounds girlfriend (Megan Fox) hide out in an abandoned home from a bunch of Decepticons. It's Michael Bay's homage to the Diary of Ann Frank. Watch the clip after the jump.
Over the course of movie history, there have been countless examples of animals who can, for some reason or other, talk, and for the most part studio executives believe that if you’re an animal, you must speak in “clever” clichéd dialog that makes the audience want to commit animal cruelty. The number of punch-in-the-face worthy talking animals is frightening, without even getting into the cartoon and CGI realm, so let’s not even go there. But fortunately for our sanity (and this list), some diamonds in the ruff (see what I did there?) do exist. Whether it’s thanks to the performance, or the animation, or the story, occasionally one talking animal shines brightly through. The really bad ones stick out in our mind, too, and so in honor of this fact, Screen Junkies presents…“The Ten Best and Worst Wisecracking Movie Animals.” THE WORST: 5. Buzz and Scuzz, from Racing Stripes (2005)
Flash back to 1993. Jurassic Park was changing the face of filmmaking, Bill Clinton was barely into his tenure as leader of the free world, and "Reduce, Reuse & Recycle" was a brand new catch phrase being beaten into our wasteful minds. But at the time, "going green" had a much different meaning. Yes, anywhere you set foot, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles were there. The movies… the merchandise… You don't even have to leave your home to see green.
Via IGN comes the newest Red Band trailer for the Todd Phillips-directed The Hangover, starring Bradley Cooper, Ed Helms and Zach Galifianakis. I'm hoping this movie blows up Galifianakis's career in the way that Bubble Boy and Out Cold could not. I'm talking leading man big. I'm talking the next, infinitely more hirsute George Clooney. Everyone's saying this Sam Worthington fellow is a man's man. But I'd pay to see a Skynet-manufactured android Galifianakis (the Z-800?) battling a CG Arnold any day. You don't have to pay squat to visit these quality links. Have a great weekend, fellow Junkies! Best Celeb Wipeouts Meet Mindi Smith Andy Milonakis = Weird Best Horror Comedies Calipari Still Got 'Splainin' 14-y.o. Guitar Hero Champ Real Lady Assassins Tintin Has a Release Date Chicks Wrestling Sick B-Baller Obama'nator Single Punch Knockout Sexual Position Quiz What's the right Prosthetic? Guy Can't Help But Puke
MTV just posted this new clip from Mummy & Van Helsing director Stephen Sommers's G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra, opening in the summer wasteland known as August. In the clip, Duke (Fighting's Channing Tatum) and Ripcord (Dance Flick's Marlon Wayans) don their Master Chief rip-off suits to give chase to The Baroness (Mysteries of Pittsburgh's Siena Miller) on the rooftops of Paris. We also get a look at Storm Shadow, trading his tradmark white balaclava for an alabaster Sonny Crocket sportcoat. All that was missing was a Jan Hammer keytar riff to herald his entrance. Must… resist… urge… to… embed… Jan… Hammer… GAAAAAH! Too late. Kneel before the Great Synthesizer!
Earlier this morning, Screen Junkies had the opportunity to attend the press day for Land of the Lost, during which co-star Danny McBride confirmed Variety's report that Natalie Portman would be joining the cast of the fantasy/adventure comedy Your Highness, already prepping in Belfast, Northern Ireland. The film stars McBride and James Franco, and is being directed by David Gordon Green (Pineapple Express). Hear a bit of McBride talking Your Highness below: Danny McBride on Your Highness – Watch more Funny Videos According to McBride, director Green has been over in London for a while casting the film, and hopes that, aside from its marquee names, the film will have an otherwise British cast. Sounds like they're taking the sword and sorcery thing seriously. Hear Danny's musings on British people after the jump:
Rian Johnson's The Brothers Bloom opens in wider release this weekend. If you get to the theater and Up and Drag Me to Hell are sold out – or if you're in the mood to just see a rock solid, atypical summer movie, then check it out (and if you want, read our review). If you need extra incentive to see it, how about one of its stars, Japanese bombshell Rinko Kikuchi, who plays Bang Bang, the aptly-named explosives expert. We won't delve into dirty jokes about her character's moniker, but we'll gladly play set up man for your sick minds. Where else you've seen Rinko: Probably not many other films, unless you're a Japanese cineaste. But her breakout role was in the Oscar-nominated Babel, a film in which she played the deaf/mute girl Chieko Wataya. (She is one of eight actors of Asian descent nominated for an Academy Award in an acting category.) Look for her in Mikael Håfström's '40s period piece, Shanghai, opposite John Cusack and Chow Yun Fat. Random Quote: "The nudity itself was not my concern." (re: Babel)See the photos of Rinko not concerning herself with nudity after the jump:
Director: David Gordon GreenCast: Danny McBride, James Franco, Natalie PortmanSynopsis: A fantasy movie about an arrogant, lazy prince and his more heroic brother who must complete a quest in order to save their father's kingdom.
Dead Snow Trailer – Watch more Movie Trailers Above, you'll find the latest trailer for Norwegian film Dead Snow, the plot of which is basically a Coors Light commercial circa 1995 that gets hijacked by Nazi Zombies. (If you were the ad agency behind Coors Light commercials circa 1995, you might have felt as though your work was hijacked by Nazi Zombies every time your client had notes.) The film was a sleeper hit at this year's Sundance Film Festival, and will have a limited release in the States starting June 19th. Here are today's Top Links: Meet Mary Castro 10 Fan-Made Trailers 100 Hot Bud Girls 90s TMNT Rip Offs Kick-Ass Stunt Guy Animal "O" Faces" Be a Classy Drinker How to Survive Prison Bad Movies for BroadWay Deleted Scene from T4 Theresa Correa John Calipari Got 'Splainin' to Do!
Sam Raimi is back in theaters this week with Drag Me To Hell, a gnarly revenge tale focusing on the repercussions of a selfish act. It’s his first non-Spider-Man film since 2000 and, judging by trailer, it seems he’s been eager to flex his genre muscles. He’s always been a tremendously inventive director with a wicked taste for the macabre and this film will surely display these skills. Below are five disturbing scenes we’ve compiled to give you a sense of the man’s work…
Director: Jaco van Dormael Cast: Jared Leto, Diane Kruger, Sarah Polley Synopsis: A tale that spans different time zones of the 20th and 21st centuries. Genre: Drama Release Date: October 7, 2009
Director: Werner Herzog Cast: Nicolas Cage, Eva Mendes, Val Kilmer Synopsis: “Port of Call” stars Cage as the not-good Lieutenant and Eva Mendes, Val Kilmer, Jennifer Coolidge, Xhibit and Fairuza Balk as the people who helps him be not so good. Genre: Drama Release Date: December 2, 2009
Director: Tommy Wirkola Cast: Charlotte Frogner, Ørjan Gamst, Stig Frode Henrikse, Evy Kasseth Røsten Synopsis: A ski vacation turns horrific for a group of medical students, as they find themselves confronted by an unimaginable menace: Nazi zombies. Genre: Horror Release Date: June 19th, 2009 (Limited)
Ever been curious about Die Hard hero John McClane's back story? Like, the waaaay-back story before Holly and the kids? Well, you can put your curiosity to bed soon. This August, Fox Atomic Comics and BOOM! Studios will release the first issue of Die Hard: Year One, a comic book that will delve into McClane's rookie year on the force. According to Comics Continuum, the comic will follow John while he "earns his badge in New York City during 1976's Bicentennial celebration… and the Summer of Sam." This doesn't bode well for a run-in with an eight-year-old Argyle, but a man can dream. (I don't think I'm alone in saying that an alternare-reality Die Hard title in which McClane brings a young Argyle on as his wisecracking sidekick would kick all sorts of ass. Throw in a superpowered Hans Gruber and you have yourself a top-selling title.)Ahem. Back to reality. Issue #1 of Die Hard: Year One is written by Howard Chaykin, who was behind DC/Vertigo's American Century title, and had a hand in Marvel's "Mutant X" TV show. Stephen Thompson (IDW's Star Trek: New Frontier) will supply the artwork, and it looks like there might be some variant covers by Dave Johnson, Jock and John Paul Leon.Issue #1 will be 24 pp. and available for $3.99 at any self-respecting comic book shop. Check out the full covers after the jump!
A little while back, we posted about the Judd Apatow-helmed, Adam Sandler and Seth Rogen-starring Funny People featuring fake films within the film. Well, one of those fakes has found its way to the 'nets early. It's Jason Schwartzman as actor Mark Taylor Jackson, starring in his own NBC sitcom, "Yo, Teach!" Imagine "Head of the Class," but with wisecracking city kids instead of precocious geniuses, and with internet comic sensation Bo Burnham appearing as an "F" student who raps to cope with his insecurities. Yo, Teach! – Watch more Movie Trailers It's damn funny stuff, and Apatow nails the tone of all those one-liner-laden sitcoms that still dealt with "the issues" of the day… you know… shows like "Hangin' with Mr. Cooper" and… every other show on NBC from 1987-2001. This bodes well for the rest of the film, I'd say. The filmmakers even went so far as to shoot an EPK for the show, which you can watch after the jump. It might be the first EPK worth watching in the history of EPKs.
Director: David Twohy Cast: Steve Zahn, Milla Jovovich, Timothy Olyphant Synopsis: A couple on a Hawaiian vacation discover that there are maniacs stalking and murdering the tourists who visit the island. Genre: Thriller Release Date: August 14, 2009
Hot off the CMS from Marketsaw, the 3D Movie blog, come these new Avatar images. According to the site, both pieces are official concept art from the forthcoming book The Art of Avatar: James Cameron's Epic Adventure, which will feature 120 full color concept images in it as well as interviews.(Click image to enlarge)The image above is of some sort of insect-like helicopter, a piece of machinery whose origins Marketsaw can't confirm yet (but head over to their blog to read their in depth speculation.) The folllowing image is a full rendering of the Power Suit, which we've only seen a piece of until now. (Click image to enlarge)I don't know about you guys, but something tells me we're going to be seeing some footage of the flick at Comic Con…