Whatever your stance on the treatment of animals or the health benefits of a vegetarian diet may be, we can all come together and agree on one thing: it would just be super to be that pumpkin at the 14 second mark. Or the asparagus at 17 seconds. Or the pumpkin once again at 20 seconds. Man I want to be that pumpkin. It's a shame that NBC has banned this commercial which was supposed to play during the Super Bowl. There are two possibilities. Either the National Cattlemen’s Beef Association has organized a giant consipracy to fight the airing such seditious material, or every single network exec at NBC is gay. Those are your options. You decide.
Director: Simon Hunter Cast: Thomas Jane, Ron Perlman, John Malkovich, Anna Walton, Devon Aoki Synopsis: In the year 2707, a group of ragtag soldiers and religious faithfuls must travel to the vast underworld to fight hordes of deadly mutants and shutdown the mysterious 'Machine' to save mankind. Genre: Sci-Fi & Fantasy Release Date: April 24, 2009
Steven Spielberg has drafted Will Smith into his quest to continue to take a dump on movies you hold in high esteem. This time it's Oldboy. The pair is just "in talks" at the moment and nothing official has been started. I like Will Smith, only because I don't dislike him. I also don't dislike the affordable and dependable Toyota Camry, Cinnabon, and MSNBC. They are all totally non threatening. Here's what's happening in Hollywood. Oldboy Remake: Something Less Than Stunning? (Playlist) Hillary Duff And Guy To Go On Murderous Rampage (Filmdrunk) Marvel Gets Self Sued For $750 Million (Filmonic) Scott Bakula Not Dead, Will Be On The TV (Commingsoon) Racist Comic Book To Be Made Into Movie (/Film)
Director: Kazuaki Kiriya Cast: Yosuke Eguchi, Takao Osawa, Ryoko Hirosue, Jun Kaname, Gori Synopsis: The Director of retro-futurist, mech, sci-fi fantasy Casshern returns with Goemon, a visual epic about Japanese folk hero Ishikawa Goemon, a Robin Hood-esque ninja. Genre: Fantasy Release Date: December 1, 2009
Ahh, the Hollywood Circle Jerk continues as award season gets into full swing with the adulations of the Screen Actors Guild being dished out last night. And the bottom line is this: Slumdog Millionaire is the best movie that has ever been made in the history of movies. That and more in your post-weekend, am news roundup.Corpse of Heath Ledger Dug Up, Paraded Around (/Film)Lycans Get Blarted (Filmdrunk)Seth Rogen Loses All That Fat For No Reason (JoBlo)Robert Downey Jr. Is James Bond, 1891 Style (Playlist)
This past monday was considered the most depressing day of the entire year. I don't know how scientists decided that, but they are scientists so we must stand behind them as a country and not question their important work. My point is that there is a possibility that this could be the most depressing weekend of the year. You are best served to only leave the couch in order to visit your local theatre, or to purchase more liquor. Here are your options.
I was really impressed by this trailer. It looks pretty damn original with some fantastic art direction and a great concept. I have no idea what the budget is, but I cant imagine they dropped a lot of money on making it. My prediction is that the movie will turn heads and the director will sign with a studio and make something big and awesome and creepy. Or it will be a total flop that nobody will give a crap about. Before the verdict is in, check out the film's site.Thanks to Filmdrunk for the tip.
As much fun as it is to listen to Pelosi talk about how big Obama's package is on MSMBC, I'm turning my attention to something much more important: Your Morning News. Marijuana Addiction Makes Woody Harrelson Forget Shoes (MTV)Rights to Fincher’s Torso in Limbo (/Film)Amy Fisher Makes A Porno (Filmdrunk)Pope Prepares To Sing Chocolate Rain, Film Cats (Variety)Sienna Miller Debates Rubber Breasts (EW)
Hollywood is spitting out these bromantic comedies/tail quests like nobody's business. Here's another, from the comedy troupe 'The Whitest Kids You Know.'
The big story of the day continues to be the massive FAIL on the part of the The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences regarding their Oscar nominations. I spend most of my day reading what I would like to think of as the opinions of younger, more in touch people. Mostly regarding movies, but sometimes regarding other stuff. These are the same sort of people that were massively influential in electing our new president, and who are way more adapted to the media environment that we're all living in. With that said, here are some of the fine works that represent this ascendent generation. Barack And Michelle Will Do What To Each Other? (Holy Taco) BIG NEWS FOR TWEENS! Dakota Fanning In New Moon? (Filmdrunk) Thelma and Louise. Only with 4 aging whores: Sex In The City 2 (WIMB) Seven Unintentionally Hilarious Movie Villains (Unrealitymag) Bill Hader To Cut People Into Tiny Pieces, Eat Them (Pajiba) Uwe Boll, Mike Myers Lead 'Official' 2008 Razzie Nominations (Playlist)
The film follows an ex-CIA "Preventer" (Neeson), who is faced with recovering his daughter after she is kidnapped by human trafficking|sex-traffickers in Paris, France.Release Date: January 30th, 2009Rating: PG-13Studio: Europ Corp.Babes to Watch For: Famke Janssen, Maggie Grace
This year's nominations are official. And there are a few categories with which I am taking immediate umbrage (throws down top hat, removes monocle) #1: The Wrestler should be nominated for Achievement in Costume Design. It took Mickey Rourke DECADES to weave that human suit out of growth hormone, horse steroids, hooker sweat, and amateur boxing matches. #2. Springsteen's song for The Wrestler should have been nominated in the Original Song category. #3 The Reader does not deserve a nom for Best Picture. It's about a woman who can't read. We can not use America's preeminent award ceremony to promote illiteracy. #4. Benjamin Button was good, but not 13-noms-good. Check them out and have your say, Junkies.
I've heard that the best part of this movie is when Martin Lawrence and Will Smith come riding in on giant robots and fight Jason while a flaming asteroid is plummeting toward earth and then, and then, and then (*catches breath*) Japan attacks everyone, including Ben Affleck and America wins. I really wish Michael Bay would direct horror movies instead of just produce them. BOOM.
There's this race in Portland, OR called the I-Tit-Arod where dudes have to go to every strip club in town and have a drink within 24 hours. There are something like 90 clubs. No one has ever finished the race. I hope there's a similar competition during the Inaugural Balls where young, brash Charlie-Wilson-esque state representatives have to stop at each party, chug a glass of scotch, sexually harass three Senate aids, and lobby for a new bridge in their home district. I'd call it the Inagarod. Now here's the links. A Shitty Day In The Life Of An Informmercial Actor (IAMBORED) The Music of Mark Gormley Is F'Ing Amazing (Gorilla Mask) ZOOEY WHATSERFACE IS CUTE (Filmdrunk) The Ten Greatest Lost WTF-isms (Unrealitymag) Because I Ain't Gonna See It: A Waltz With Bashir Review (Pajiba) Totally Not TV or Movie Related: Denise Milani Is Hot (Holytaco)
This is basically the last night that you will sleep while George W. Bush is your president. For some of you this may be the sad parting of a hawkish visionary who's tough guy politics heralded in a new era of American dominance. Others may be puking joy as Commander Dickface heads back to Crawford or Dallas or wherever to hopefully wither into obscurity and never talk in a public forum again. Whatever side you may be on, we will all most likely wake up tomorrow and things will basically be the same. Celebrate this new epoch of sameness with Screenjunkies and some of our link friends. Everyone Likes Sexy Commercials (UNCOACHED) Someone is Stealing the Jonas Brothers Underwear (Webster Is My Bitch) Planet 51 Looks Like Space Shrek For Jerkwads (Unreality Mag) GRAN TORINO REVIEW: GET OFF MY LAWN, GOOK (Filmdrunk) The 5 Worst-Selling Inauguration T-Shirts (Holy Taco)
I could spend all day listening to the quasi-poetic ramblings of boxing's greatest mouth. Mike Tyson is the dream realized. Poor kid from a rough neighborhood, no formal education, rising to the top of his sport only to get busted for sexual assault and chewing people's ears off in fights. Now he's still got that face tattoo and a new documentary coming out.And if you are not one of the 6 million people that has see this 'best moments' comp, then do yourself a favor.
I really hope that you are not out marching for racial justice on this historic MLK Day. Because WWTD posted a clip of Joaquin's AMAZING performance in Vegas this weekend. Please watch the entire thing. And then please have your say. Is this all a joke or is Phoenix really having one of the most amazing on-camera melt-downs in Hollywood history?More Good Monay Morning Stuff:Ever Wonder What Happend To Steve Gutenberg? (IAMBORED)WATCHING NOTORIOUS IS DANGEROUS (Filmdrunk)Why Fart and Waste It When You Can Burp and Taste It? (Pajiba)WENDY MAKES AMERICA PROUD (Holytaco)
It just keeps getting weirder and weirder with Joaquin. We published an Op Ed that he penned a few months back about his experience as an actor. We also posted the video when he first announced that he would be quitting acting to pursue his "music." We later learned that that "music" would be rap music with rumors of an album produced by Diddy. But this interview, done last night before his performance in Vegas is winning the battle of bizarre. Apparently Casey Affleck has been making a documentary about this entire process of Phoenix trying to launch his rap career. Which makes me think that this entire thing is just some awesome meta hollywood joke. Please let it be that. Otherwise the closest possibility is that he's addicted to model airplane glue.
There's nothing more you could you ask for in a movie that has blood, boobs, and psychopathic killers–in 3D!!! My Bloody Valentine isn't going to be a critic favorite, it's just going to be freakin' fun as hell. Also this weekend– Paul Blart drives his segway around a mall, and Biggie Smalls comes back to cinematic life. But 3D Boobs always prevail. Always.
"Ah this Captain EO about which you speak has convinced me that the best possible weapon against the West is a paralyzing dance routine. We mush develop this capability now. Please find me this Magic Space Negro, and bring him to Tehran." JOAQUIN PHOENIX IS HIGH ON PCP (UPDATE) (Filmdrunk) Worst Wheel Of Fortune Player EVER (IAMBORED) Kate Hudson Looks Good In Leather (Hollywoodtuna) Philip Seymour Hoffman To Direct Movie About Stoned Cab Driver The Return Of 3D (Sound and Vision) And one more video after the jizz-ump.
This is basically the "urban" version of RocknRolla. With the dude from Scrubs. And Mos Def. Synopsis: When a UPS driver delivers a package containing bricks of cocaine to the wrong address, it sets into motion a battle of wills and wits between the dealer, the intended recipients, and the people who have the drugs and plan to sell them off.Obvious Question: What? UPS delivers packages containing bricks of Cocaine? Jesus that would have made my life WAY simpler, and my colon way less stretched.
Jesus I want that bike and those shorts and that shirt and that TV.
That's right bitch, try to run from me and I'm going to BODY CHECK YOU THROUGH A CHAIN LINK FENCE. Then I'm going to fly tackle you off a roof, smash a car, and put a gun in your face. ITS HARD TO TALK WITH A GUN IN YOUR MOUTH, ISN'T IT? HUH!?? SEE, YOU CAN'T EVEN SAY YES. Fast and Furious = BADASS.
Here's your morning news links from our trusted, if not somewhat perverted friends.CASTING HUNTER S. THOMPSON’S RUM DIARY (Filmdrunk)R.I.P. Prison Break (Pajiba)McG responds to Bay’s bitchin’(Filmonic)Crank 2 and Outlander Movie Posters (/Film)Fresh Prince Of Bell Air To Venture 20,000 Leagues Under Sea (Joblo)Karate Kid Remake Just Got A Dose Of Retarded Awesome (Playlist)
Those kids in Norway LOVE that death metal. So much that they can almost scream to the point of making themselves puke their lunch (herring salad) onto their knee high lace up leather boots. I give the dude an E for effort. I would give him an A if the competition was to sound like a half-retarded cat caught in a wood-chipper.Thanks to Stan for the tip.
A few weeks back our fellow inmates at Holy Taco posted the Predator Rap. Now, as a followup, here's the official To Catch A Predator Rap. Kudos to these MC's.
It's cool that Neil Patrick Harris is able to poke fun at himself. I'd imagine it came from a meeting with an agent sometime in his early twenties where an Ari Gold type said "Listen. You can either die being known as a pussy little boy genius douche on that shit storm of a crap show or you can listen to what I say and let the world know how much you love hookers and blow. It's your career, jerkwad."
Synopsis: An elite group of soldiers on a covert mission to retrieve a scientist from an underground lab encounter an ancient evil in the facility.Cuba Gooding Jr: Probably has some gambling debt to pay off.
I didn't get the point of Gran Torino. I also don't get the point when racist old people ramble about how discontent they are with what the world has become. But much like Gran Torino, I enjoy the every-loving hell out of watching them do it.
Our pals at FOD just sent this over. There are some pretty damn funny parts. Im going to leave my office right now and go Bacon the ever living hell out of some unsuspecting people who deserve it. Also, I REALLY hope they make one of these with Gary Busey as soon as he is through shooting his current project for A&E entitled "I Am Bat Shit Crazier Than A Crap House Rat." It's a docudrama.