In honor of Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaurs opening this weekend, we decided to feature a picture gallery of sexy cavewomen wearing skimpy loincloths. You might interject, "ScreenJunkies, despite what the Flinstones depicts, humans weren't around during the time of the dinosaurs!" to which we'd respond – and haughtily, we might add – "Would you rather see a gallery of wooly mammoth ass?" Above: Queen Latifah telling us to "Talk to the trunk."If you answered "yes" then you're into Furries and should be reading Holy Taco. If you answered "no" then get get ready for some B.C. T&A.
WATCHMEN Blu-Ray Clip in MAXIMUM MOVIE MODE – Watch more Funny Videos Above is a clip of the "Maximum Movie Mode" way of watching Watchmen when it comes to Blu-Ray on July 21st. As long as you're a Zach Snyder enthusiast, it looks like a pretty kickass feature, as the director literally gives a direct presentation during the film. Snyder's sorta like Al Gore if he worked out and used a camera to no-touch fondle Malin Akerman. Of course, what Warner Bros. home video isn't admitting is that, while this technology has certainly improved… it wasn't the first time Maximum Movie Mode was used. Nay, atribute that to R. Kelly's über-meta commentary for his piece de resistance, "Trapped in the Closet." "See, now I'm in the closet," says R. Kelly seated on the couch watching the picture in picture of R. Kelly in the film singing, "I'm trapped in the closet." Groove to it after the jump:
INGLOURIOUS BASTERDS International Trailer – Watch more Movie Trailers "We in the 'Killin Natsee Bidniss,'" says Lt. Aldo Raine (Brad Pitt) in this new International trailer for QT's Inglourious Basterds. International, you say? Why, yes. And that means subtitles and title cards in other languages. Here's what the title cards say: There was a time… a France occupied by the Nazis… A New Film By Quentin Tarantino… If you look for heroes… You are going to find them… Those twelve years of French I took are finally paying off. *smiles wryly, adjusts cravate, then swishes cognac snifter while flipping on Maury Povich* Here are Today's Top Links IN ENGLISH, PEOPLE!!! Angelica Dynasty Is Very Attractive (Gorillamask) Children's Letters To God About Dead Celebrities (Holytaco) Yoostar Lets You Act Onscreen With Dane Cook! (Filmdrunk) 15 Animals Armed With Lightsabers (Manofest) Wall-E Cake Is As Delicious As The Movie Is Adorable (Walyou) The Greatest Hits Of Pajiba's Guides To What's Good For You (Pajiba) 6 New Personality Disorders Caused By The Internet (Cracked) Miss Coed: The Lovely Brittany Hawks (Coedmagazine) And Exclusive Interview With Joe Jackson (Celebjihad) Fedor's New Ad Campaign Is Rather Dumb (Cagepotato)Final Destination Trailer: Nightmare On Asphalt (Allleftturns) The 6 Best Meals On The Planet (Mademan) 10 Awesome Various Slow Motion Water Videos (Unreality) Who Is The Biggest Musical Icon Of The Century? (Asylum) Unlucky Phillie's Fan Immortalized As "Kid Who Picked Nose On Jumbotron" (Bustedcoverage)A Collection Of Shaq's Personal Photos Prove To Be Very Funny (Uncoached)6 Movies That Were Glorified Commercials (Regretfulmorning)Support Your Old School Stadiums With These T-Shirts (Bachelorguy)A List Of Atheletes Dealing With Social Anxiety Disorder (Moondogsports)
Daybreakers Trailer – Watch more Movie Trailers Oh, Isabel Lucas… only you can elevate Transformers Revenge of the Fallen to the level of "serviceable," even if your Decepticon character was the most misguided Transformer ever. You're also the shining ray of light in this otherwise dystopian trailer for the new vampire film Daybreakers. It's got dark, moody lighting… music by Placebo… and hissing. Throw in a couple Mexican Pizzas from Taco Bell and you've got every night every overweight single forty-something spends living in his parents' basement. Put Down the Auto-Erotic Asphyxiation Rope And Check Out These Links: Melissa Buhl Is Quite Attractive (Gorillamask) 6 Ridiculous Products Only Billy Mays Could Have Sold (Holytaco) Michael Bay And Steven Spielberg Produce James Frey's Number 4 (Filmdrunk) 10 Female Child Stars Who Became Mega-Hotties (Manofest) iPhone Icons Reveal Narcissistic Traits (Walyou) Alan Cumming Is The Green Goblin In Broadway Adaptation Of Spider-Man, Plus More Music News (Pajiba) 6 Items You Touch Everyday That Are Filthier Than Your Toilet (Cracked) A Preemptive Obituary For Alan Thicke (Sickpigs) A Comprehensive Guide For SFW Boobs (Coedmagazine) Tito Jackson Found Alive At Age 55 (Celebjihad) 6 Tips To Survive Couple's Game Night (Mademan) Limp Bizkit Will Not Peform At UFC 100… Does Anyone Care? (Cagepotato) 5 Ways To Make The Office Much Better (Unreality) Meet Pabst, World's Ugliest Dog 2009 (Asylum) A Message To Fat Streakers At Baseball Games (Bustedcoverage) In Case You Didn't Notice, Perez Hilton Is Annoying (Uncoached) 42 Unfortunate Product Labels (Regretfulmorning) Rum In American History (Bachelorguy) The 5 Most Underrated Players In The NFL (Moondogsports) You've Probably Drank Too Much When This Just Randomly Happens (Nothingtoxic) The Most Disturbing Animals On Earth (Atomfilms) Havana Nocturne Is Being Adapted By Some Prominent Producers (Filmofilia)
Director: Michael and Peter SpierigCast: Ethan Hawke, Willem Dafoe, Sam Neill, Isabel LucasSynopsis: In the year 2019, a plague has transformed most every human into vampires. Faced with a dwindling blood supply, the fractured dominant race plots their survival; meanwhile, a researcher works with a covert band of vamps on a way to save humankind.
Where You've Seen Her: The très, trés French starlet Marion Cotillard doesn't have a ton of American flicks under her ceinture just yet, but she's already won a Best Actress Oscar for her performance as chanteuse Edith Piaf in 2007's La Vie En Rose. In Public Enemies, she plays Billie Frechette, John Dillinger's (Johnny Depp) lady friend. Look for her in The Dark Knight director Christopher Nolan's upcoming mega-budgeted sci-fi Inception, where she'll be one of the more reasonably priced special effects. A Word From Marion: My parents always told me that if you want something, you can do whatever you have to do to get it. As long as it's not against someone else. Check out the hot photos of Marion "Fair Play" Cotillard after the jump:
ARMAGEDDON FTW! – Watch more Funny Videos It was a wild ride full of BANGs, POPs, BOOMs, KAPOWs, and several WHOOSHes, but once all the proverbial dust settled the asteroid with a mission to send earth back to the dark ages took the prize. Sometimes it’s the movies with the most ridiculous plots that have the best pyrotechnics. Keep that in mind all you young filmmakers as your professors drill the importance of story into your heads. Stand up from your desk in defiance, stick out your middle finger and shout, “F*ck you, teach! Gimme more explosions!” THE WEEKEND'S TOP LINKS: Sarah Lyons Is Busty In A Variety Of Places (Gorillamask) Drunken Argument: Mexican Food Or Chinese Food? (Holytaco) James Franco Trashes A Nice Bedroom (Filmdrunk) The 50 Funniest Street Signs Of All Time (Manofest) Robot Penguin Pet Is Internet Capable, Loveable (Walyou) Everything About Tyler Perry Is Annoying (Pajiba) The 5 Most Hated Creatures On The Planet That Don't Deserve It (Cracked) Michael Jackson Is Dead, Douches Try To Exploit Tragedy (Sickpigs) Drunken Party Girl Boob Circles (Coedmagazine) Hot Models Prevent Ugly Scene At UFC Photoshoot (Cagepotato) Sucky Toys From Foreign Gift Shops (Unreality) The Best Of Awful Best Man Speeches (Asylum) Wouldn't It Be Nice To Have A Beer Tap In Your Home? (Mademan) Spike TV's New Show: "John And Cake Plus Six" (Celebjihad) Food Landscapes Made With Bacon And Other Assorted Meats (Uncoached) 7 Bizarre Objects That Were Found Lodged In Hind-Quarters (Regretfulmorning) Essentials For Building Your Own Poker Room (Bachelorguy) Heidi Montag And Spencer Pratt Are Banned From E! (Moondogsports) Quick Knee To The Face Ends A Fight Real Quick (Nothingtoxic) Inappropriate Workplace: Copy And Feel (Atomfilms) Zach Snyder Is Really Trying To Do A 300 Sequel? (Filmofilia)
This week, we've covered the Transformers from about every possible angle – except their nether regions, because Bay has that covered. But there's another film starting today that deserves far more asses in seats than Bay's bombastic sequel. I'm talking about THE HURT LOCKER, which – if you couldn't tell from the pull quote above – Screenjunkies thinks is just about the tensest movie that's come out since NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN.
Welcome to the final day of BAYWATCH '09. To recap, we've revisited Bay's Best Music Videos, Pitted Bay's Explosions against one another in the Bracket of Boom, ogled his "Baybes" and collected emails from his personal account. For the last day, we're getting inside the man's head. Strap on your safety goggles and flak jackets. By Ian Sobel
CLICK TO ENLARGEHere are today's top links:Nikki Long On The Beach With Only A Shawl (Gorillamask)Powerpoint Presentation: So You've Decided To Fart In Public (Holytaco)Gerard Butler Says Boobies A Lot In This Redband The Ugly Truth Clip (Filmdrunk)The 10 Most Annoying Commercials On TV Right Now (Manofest)Make Your NES Fly With The Pimpendo Mod (Walyou)Zak Penn Is Penning The Avengers Script (Pajiba)The 8 Crappiest Transformer Disguises (Cracked)Mr. T Gives Awful Dating Advice To Gary Coleman (Sickpigs) 210 'WTF Were They Thinking' Tattoos (Coedmagazine)MMA Fighter Turned Bank Robber Released From Prison, Then Arrested Again (Cagepotato)Summer Blockbuster Drinking Game (Mademan)10 Classic Funny Moments From Billy Madison (Unreality)Capital Punishment Needs A Hollywood Makeover (Asylum)Missouri Senior Raechel Holtgrave, AKA Hooters Girl Of The Year (Bustedcoverage) The 10 Sexiest Big Brother Videos (Uncoached)How To Watch Porn With A 56k Modem (Regretfulmorning)Beer Is Good Food (Bachelorguy)NBA Draft: Who Is Going Second? (Moondogsports)
Well lookee what we got here, boys! Last round, the asteroid rocked the The Rock's missile and the Giant F**king Robot 'splodin' the bus beat out the combustible mansion. Even Michael Bay, with his infinite wisdom and soothsaying powers, told us in a conversation that didn’t really happen that he was literally BLOWN AWAY by the results. Now we're down to the Big Boom and the tension is so palpable you could masticate it like a big ol' bag of Big League Chew. THE FINAL MATCHUP
It's Day 4 of BAYWATCH '09. Transformers Revenge of the Fallen has opened to huge numbers as expected, and we've given you the Michael Bay goods in the form of a Music Video Retrospective, an Explosions Tourney pitting the best Bay BOOMs against each other, and a giant gallery of Michael Bay's Babes. Now it's time for a look at the more personal, introspective side of the man…
THE BOX Trailer – Watch more Funny Videos Above is the new trailer for the not-so-new-but-unreleased The Box, starring Cameron Diaz, James Marsden as a young, innocent couple from The South and Frank Langella as a devilish man who presents the couple with a big red button that, when pressed, kills a random stranger. Why, pray tell, would one want to push a button that kills someone? Well because the pusher is rewarded with an attaché case full of money. This is either the dumbest idea for a horror movie or the best Staples commercial in the history of the brand. Here Are Today's Top Links:Karlie Madelyn Is Obviously Bothered By Her Already Scant Clothing (Gorillamask) 7 Types Of Cockblockers (Holytaco) News Of A Hitman 2 Is Happening (Filmdrunk) The 10 Douchiest Michael Bay Scenes Of All Time (Manofest) Samurai Sword Umbrella, Or: The Coolest Invention Ever (Walyou) The 5 Most Unattractive Hot Women (Pajiba) 13 Unintentionally Disturbing Children's Toys (Cracked) The Appropriate Way To Respond To An Employment Rejection (SickPigs) The 5 Stages Of A Drunken Night (Coedmagazine) 5 Steps To A Kickass Surround Sound System (Mademan) Amazing Backflip Breaks Fighter's Spirit To Continue (Cagepotato) Ricky Gervais Goes Badass For Cemetery Junction (Unreality) Alleged Scientology Abuse Likely Due To Lack Of Mustache (Asylum) Missouri-Area Hooters Waitresses Beat Heat By Washing Cars (Bustedcoverage) 10 Memorable Sportscenter Commercials From The 90s (Uncoached) Helpful Tips To Conceal Your Boner At The Beach (Regretfulmorning) Get Clean The Manly Way With Manly Man Soap (Bachelorguy) Vikings Interested In Someone Else; Farve Can Stay Retired (Moondogsports) Fireworks Stunt Gone Very Wrong (Nothingtoxic) Adam Carrolla Goes Over The Finer Points Of Carpentery With Andy Dick (Atomfilms) New Clips From Public Enemies (Filmofilia)
Director: Richard KellyCast: Cameron Diaz, James Marsden, Frank LangellaSynopsis: Norma and Arthur Lewis, a suburban couple with a young child, receive a simple wooden box as a gift, which bears fatal and irrevocable consequences. A mysterious stranger, delivers the message that the box promises to bestow upon its owner $1 million with the press of a button. But, pressing this button will simultaneously cause the death of another human being somewhere in the world; someone they don't know. With just 24 hours to have the box in their possession, Norma and Arthur find themselves in the cross-hairs of a startling moral dilemma and must face the true nature of their humanity.
VOTING IN ROUND 2 is now CLOSED. Please Vote in the FINAL ROUND.Here comes Round 2 of Michael Bay and The Bracket of Boom. We’ve tabulated your votes from Round 1 and emerged with a new set of combustible contenders. MATCHUP #1 PREVIOUS ROUND: Transformers (59.8%) defeats Pearl Harbor (40.2%) Bad Boys II (66.3%) defeats Bad Boys (33.7%) OUTLOOK:
By Spencer Vickers I am 80% convinced that Michael Bay did not give a sweet sh*t about the first hour and twenty minutes of Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. What occupies that part of the highly anticipated summer flick is about as dumbed down as you would expect from a film that is brought to you by a toy company (I would like to point out that my previous comment was by no means meant as an attack on Hasbro, for without them my childhood would have been severely depressing). At points the film even borders on offensive (and not the good kind of offensive).
EXCLUSIVE REVENGE OF THE FALLEN INTERVIEW WITH STARVING ACTOR – Watch more Funny Videos Who needs to get an exclusive interview with Megan Fox or Shia LaBeouf or Optimus Prime when you can talk to the actor playing the guy who gives the pilot of Josh Duhamel and Tyrese's helicopter permission to land? Yeah, that's right. Screen Junkies has the exclusive – and we mean ONLY – interview with Transformers Revenge of the Fallen's Derek Alvarado. Suck on it, Ain't It Cool!!!
All this week, BAYWATCH '09 has given you the goods on all things that go BOOM. Monday was the 10 Best Michael Bay-directed Music Videos… Tuesday was the first ever Michael Bay Explosion Tournament… Well, it wouldn't be a proper Bay-themed week without cleavage. You're welcome.By Thomas Anderson
All this week, BAYWATCH '09 has given you the goods on all things that go BOOM. Monday was the 10 Best Michael Bay-directed Music Videos… Tuesday was the first ever Michael Bay Explosion Tournament… Well, it wouldn't be a proper Bay-themed week without cleavage. You're welcome. By Thomas Anderson It doesn’t matter how many movies Michael Bay comes out with; you still get the sense that he just might be sitting there behind the camera, sneaking a peek at Megan Fox’s stomach or Scarlet Johansson’s ass (hell, wouldn’t you?). Sometimes you wonder if he cast them simply so he could ogle them from behind the camera and create a few off-camera explosions in his pants, but you’ve got to hand it to the guy: he knows how to populate his worlds with gorgeous bombshells who are strong, independent women who often find the need to remove their clothes to save the world, or maybe just give the hero a little pick-me-up.
M. Night Shyamalan is back…but there's a twist! He's doing a kid's movie. I guess he decided to take a break from "scary" since the scariest part about his most recent films are how not scary they are. The Last Airbender is about an Avatar who has the ability to manipulate elements and bring nations together. Also, according to the trailer, he can blow out a shitload of candles with palm-breath. Call me oldfashioned, but I still prefer farts. Teresa Noreen Looks Hot On The Beach (GorillaMask) More Appropriate Album Covers (HolyTaco) Britney Spears Offered Role In Time-Traveling Holocaust Flick (FilmDrunk) 55 Ridiculous Photos Of Dogs Dressed As Humans (Manofest) Who Doesn't Need A Keyboard Designed To Look Like S'mores? (Walyou) Best Film Performances By Senior Citizens (Pajiba) Scientology's 5 Newest Celebrity Recruits (Cracked) 7 Creepy Asian Toilet Commercials (SickPigs) Weed Decriminalization Bill Proposed To House (CoedMagazine) Examinging Fight! Magazine's Inagural Hall Of Fame Class (CagePotato) 5 Minutes Of Game Footage From E3 Favorite, Uncharted 2 (Unreality) A Superficial Analysis Of The (Hottest) Wimbeldon Women (Asylum) Everyone Needs Some Funny Christopher Walken Swag (MadeMan) Sean Avery, Dude Who Made Fun Of 'Sloppy Seconds,' Now Getting Mark Sanchez' Sloppy Seconds (BustedCoverage) 10 Funny Pictures Of Celebrities As Bruce Lee (Uncoached) 5 Truthful Graduation Cards (RegretfulMorning) Get An Ornate Bowl Of Fire For Your Home (BachelorGuy) Top 10 NBA Draft Busts (MoondogSports)
Teresa Noreen Looks Hot On The Beach (GorillaMask) Britney Spears Offered Role In Time-Traveling Holocaust Flick (FilmDrunk)55 Ridiculous Photos Of Dogs Dressed As Humans (Manofest)Who Doesn't Need A Keyboard Designed To Look Like S'mores? (Walyou)Best Film Performances By A Senior Citizen (Pajiba)Scientology's 5 Newest Celebrity Recruits (Cracked)
VOTING FOR ROUND 1 IS CLOSED, BUT YOU CAN STILL VOTE FOR WHO GOES TO THE BIG BOOM CHAMPIONSHIP MATCHUP!
Director: M. Night ShyamalanCast: Dev Patel, Cliff CurtisSynopsis: The story follows the adventures of Aang, a ten year old successor to a long line of Avatars, who must put his childhood ways aside and stop the Fire Nation from enslaving the Water, Earth and Air nations.
According to Variety, Hollywood is making yet another family film with animals that's sure to rake in millions. The Zookeeper, starring Kevin James and Rosario Dawson, centers on zoo animals trying to teach the keeper their method of dating and mating to help him win back the woman of his dreams. Cher's voicing a giraffe, Jon Favreau a bear, Sly Stallone a lion, and Judd Apatow an elephant. If the film sticks to a realistic portrayal a great deal of the advice is going to involve forceful sexual advances. In the animal kingdom, "no" doesn't mean no. When Mr. Lion is horny he takes what he wants. But surely if Kevin James persists there's going to be a HILARIOUS moment where a woman knees him in the balls.
INGLOURIOUS BASTERDS Trailer #2 – Watch more Funny Videos There's a new Inglourious Basterds trailer out today, this time delving a little deeper into what the film's actual plot might be. To be honest though, I still don't really understand what's happening with this movie. My level of enthusiasm for this film comes in waves, starting at a high level when I first heard about the film, then waning when I saw the first teaser, and now just very confused about everything I'm seeing and feeling. It's kind of like the first time you had a wet dream, at this point; you're confused as to how and why it happened, and also why Brad Pitt was wearing a white tux while speaking in a thick Appalachian accent.
Kellie Maines Hanging Out By The Water (GorillaMask)What Your Facial Hair Really Says About You (HolyTaco)Victoria Jackson Walked Out Of Year One, Citing Fat Gays As Problem (FilmDrunk)The 10 Sexiest Fast Food Commercials Of All Time (Manofest)Big Lebowski Bobble Heads… There's A Jesus, But No Walter? (Walyou)The Gooby Trailer Is Mildly Disturbing (Pajiba)
It's no secret that Screen Junkies loves Michael Bay, and to celebrate the release of Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, we're calling this week BAYWATCH. Every day for the next five days, there will be a new feature dedicated to Michael Bay, the man, the myth, the pyromaniac. Kicking off the week is a look back at Bay's earlier work. Before the Boom (and Bad Boys)… there was the music. Michael Bay made his reputation on making music artists look really frickin' cool based on the aesthetic standards of the day. Bay's work was dramatic. It was gorgeous. And it single-handedly supported Hollywood's "lens mist filter" and silk drapery industries for years.Here are our favorites, in chronological order. Richard Marx's "Angelia" (1989)
Director: Bob GoldthwaitCast: Robin Williams, Tom Kenny, Bruce Hornsby (?!?!?)Synopsis: A comedy about a writer/high school teacher who learns that the things you want most may not be the things that make you happy, and that being lonely is not necessarily the same as being alone.