Troma's The Toxic Avenger film is a cult hit about a 98-lb weakling who mutates into a misshapen hulk after falling into a vat of toxic waste. He uses his newfound strength to rip evil-doers limb from limb and then sodomize them with said limbs. Today comes news that Akiva Goldsman has picked up the rights to remake The Toxic Avenger without including any of those good parts.The new Toxie will be a green superhero who embarks on PG-13 adventures. Which means instead of introducing a thug's head to his sphincter, he will now introduce thugs to brochures about recycling and Al Gore documentaries. (Deadline)
Luke better not show his face at this remembrance.Let's take a moment for these links.Winona Ryder Joins Ron Howard Comedy (Moviefone)Soda-Drinking May Kill Your Sperm (Asylum)Gwyneth Paltrom Is Filled With Hate (PopEater)25 Mutant Cars (HolyTaco)Internet Geek License Plates (Unreality)33 Super Hot Baseball Girls (TotalProSports)Hot Girls in Hats (Maxim)NCIS: LA Goes MMA-Style (CagePotato)13 Celebs Who Probably Smell Like Cheese (EgoTV)11 Total Burnouts (Smosh)5 TV Shows We Got Tired of Banging (Pajiba)Ways to Save Money: Electricity (Atom)15 Time Management Tips (MadeMan)Leffler Wrecks Buescher in Nashville (AllLeftTurns)25 Confused Animals (RegretfulMorning)
This updated trailer for A Nightmare on Elm Street played before Clash of the Titans this weekend. It has a tiny bit of new footage in it, mostly of Aaron Yoo playing the same character he did in Disturbia, Friday the 13th, and 21. The number of cuts in this trailer have also been increased, bringing about a greater sense of uneasiness. Frankly I thought the glove with the razer sharp blades gave me goosebumps just fine. The glove and Aaron Yoo. Check out the more kinetic trailer after the jump.
Sometimes I feel like Hugh Jackman extracts his life-force from gay jokes. Between all the song and dance and now this casting announcement, it has to be the only explanation.In Peter Farrelly's upcoming anthology film, titled Untitled Comedy, Jackman will play a bachelor on a date with Kate Winslet. Kate has a hard time concentrating during the social call as Jackman's character has testicles attached to his chin. Nice work, guys. 1999 is laughing its ass off. The short segment, known as The Catch, is just one of several sketches that populate the film.Now that Jackman and "balls on chin" are forever wed in Google bliss, it's a good thing he didn't star in Brokeback Mountain. The combined might of those gay jokes could cause him to go supernova and destroy us all. FLAME ON! (Digital Spy)
Olivia Thirlby seems ready to break away from her moody indie roots. The star of The Wackness, Juno, and movies I rent accidentally on Netflix has just been cast in Chris Gorak's The Dark Hour. In the film, she'll play an American traveller in Moscow when aliens invade unexpectedly. Thirlby will fight for survival alongside other tourists in the sci-fi epic from the production designer turned director. Between all the random attacks and driving on the wrong side of the road, it doesn't sound that much different than a trip to Detroit.Filming will begin this summer in Moscow at producer Timur Bekmambetov's custom-built production facility where film shoots you. (THR)
Two scoops of vanilla Sean Bean? Yes please! The trailer for Ca$h features Sean Bean as two brothers: one evil, one more evil. More Evil Bean tells Evil Bean that he dropped a briefcase full of stolen cheddar over a bridge right before the cops nabbed him. Now Evil Bean has to find the unlucky couple (Chris Hemsworth & Victoria Profeta) who thought they were pretty damn lucky when spending the dough on new couches and Range Rovers. A whirlwind ride ensues as Evil Bean forces the couple to knock over liquor stores and banks in order to pay him back the money they stole from More Evil Bean. The film is directed by Stephen Milburn Anderson, who directed gritty South Central way back in 1992. Looks like some of that same grit worked itself into the crevices of Ca$h. Check out the trailer after the jump. Ca$h kicks theater doors in this Friday.
Even though Katie Gill is fairly new to the acting game, she's been on all three "CSIs". That's a lot of hip procedural drama and Who music to have on one person's resume. A word from Katie: "CSI: NY is my favorite."You picked Sinise over Caruso?! For shaaaame. I bet Caruso would have something clever to say about this, but I have neither the time nor the patience to come up with it.Take off your sunglasses to check out the pics after the jump.
Square jaws, impeccable scruff, squinty eyes, and mussed hair. It's a David Cronenberg film come to life.
"She's anatomically perfect and she's all mine."Modern Family's Ty Burrell is in final negotiations to star in Butter, a satire about the cut-throat world of competitive butter sculpting. The movie, which also stars Jennifer Garner as his glory-seeking wife, is actually an allegory for the 2008 Presidential primaries with Burrell appearing as a Bill Clinton parody who is forced to step down from his position of butter sculpting champ.Wait. A movie that makes you look smart while you secretly daydream about the creamy taste of fresh butter? Brett Ratner is going to get soooo laid on date night. (Variety)
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It looks like Jerry Bruckheimer has found a kinship with writers Carlo Bernard and Doug Miro. The pair wrote his next two blockbusters, Prince of Persia and The Sorcerer's Apprentice, and now he has them on the hook to write a third National Treasure film for director Jon Turteltaub.When reached for fictional comment, not-real Jerry Bruckheimer had this to say:"The National Treasure films have always displayed a reckless abandon for all semblance of reality. After seeing how Carlo and Doug laughed in the face of physics and history with their other works, Jon and I knew they were the d-bags for the job. It also helps that they can't capture the way people actually talk."No plot specifics have been released yet but we'll keep you posted on Nicolas Cage's hunt for William Henry Harrison's gold or whatever it turns out to be.In the interest of full disclosure, I made that earlier quote up. (Coming Soon)
Totally beats classes at The Learning Annex. (Unreality)Plug these links into your brain.Is Hollywood Going Too Crazy With 3D? (Moviefone)Oral Sex Spray Is a Fabulous Deal (Asylum)Tiger Faces Reporters at Augusta (PopEater)25 Sexy Baseball Fans (HolyTaco)Release Schedule for Finest Film Ever Created (FilmDrunk)15 Dumbest Video Game Tattoos You'll Ever See (Unreality)Soccer Player Throws Water Bottle at Fan (TotalProSports)Hottest Celeb Baseball Fans (Maxim)Bob Sapp Won a Fight, But It Wasn't Pretty (CagePotato)Alessandra Ambrosia Lost ALL of Her Baby Weight (CelebJihad)11 Awesome Burn-Out Fails (Smosh)5 Must Manipulative Tearjerkers (Pajiba)Rockateer DUI Caught On Tape (Atom)Get Her from Dinner to Bed (MadeMan)Hot Jordan Fish Pics (AllLeftTurns)
Because this turned out so well. An official sanction from LucasFilms has made it okay to laugh at Star Wars. Not the films though. You must remain stone-faced while Hayden Christiansen delivers dialogue and when rubber puppets pop up during the pod race. That is law. What you can laugh at is a new animated series being developed by LucasFilms themselves to presumably cash in on the recent franchise-skewering made popular by "Robot Chicken" and "Family Guy." And the best way to do that is to hire Seth Green and Matthew Seinreich from "Robot Chicken." I posit, however, that the best way to ensure hilarity is to farm it out to France. (Variety)
I feel like I'm there. Wow. Thanks again James Cameron. Your need to develop and deliver a richer viewing experience to movie audiences has caused a ripple effect that cannot be stopped. Not only are ticket prices more expensive as a result, but now a new dimension of evil has been unleashed. Not cool, man. Evil was bad enough before. The Hell gate you opened is this trailer for Resident Evil: Afterlife, and I've half a mind to force you to watch it. I should also mention that this is a 3D movie. I'm not sure if that point was driven home by the throwing stars or the sword throwing or the sunglasses throwing. The only thing missing is Milla Jovovich facing camera while playing paddle-ball. Watch the trailer after the jump but be careful not to put an eye out.
It made sense to produce a porn parody of box office juggernaut Avatar and television sensations "Dexter" and "The Jersey Shore", but I can't say that The Big Lebowski deserves the same NSFW treatment. Never ever never not even once during a viewing of the Cohen Brothers film have I thought a cut to rough penetration was mysteriously absent. But hell, give the people what they want, and apparently the people want The Dude naked. I just thank my lucky stars they found someone to replace Tara Reid. No one needs to see that Frankenstein body floppin' around.
Melissa Ordway modeled in various campaigns including Sketchers, Old Navy, and David's Bridal and has acted in 17 Again and on the television series "Privileged." She also looks good half-naked on the beach during sunset. A word from Melissa: "She expresses her hurt through being very mean and vengeful to Ronnie." I'm sure Ronnie deserved it. He always makes fun of the slow kid who works at the grocery store. No, I don't care if we're talking about the same Ronnie. More pics of Melissa after the jump.
Isaiah Mustafa the deodorant-shilling equestrian du jour, has been cast in Tyler Perry's next project. The former NFL player turned weird guy on a horse will appear in Perry's adaptation of his play Tyler Perry's Colored Girls Who Have Considered Suicide When The Rainbow Is Enuf. Pfft, whatever hippie.Mustafa appeared on Oprah's talk show to discuss his newfound fame when Perry himself showed up to offer him the role. It's unclear where Mustafa will fit in with the all-star cast made up of Janet Jackson, Mariah Carey, Whoopi Goldberg, Phylicia Rashad and Anika Noni Rose, which originally featured no male roles. I'm sure he will fit right in though. As long as he doesn't cause Madea to have to take off her earrings. God forbid any man suffer that fate. Elsewhere, Orlando Jones has been cast in real-life as "Who?" (Cinema Blend)
Anna Friel had to wash the smell of Land of the Lost out of her hair by doing theater in London's West End, but she's now returning to Hollywood with a role in Dark Fields. In the film, Bradley Cooper plays a washed-up writer who comes across a drug that makes him more intelligentier smarter. After reaping the rewards of being a know-it-all and schooling his peers at Cranium, he finds the drug has lethal consequences.Friel will play his ex-wife. Robert De Niro and Abbie Cornish are also on board to star in the thriller by Neil Burger. (THR)
I hate reporting on stuff that ISN'T happening, but it's a slow news weekend and I thought you could use a picture of some stellar cleavage. Emily Blunt has officially passed on the role of Peggy Carter in Captain America. Most likely she prefers money in exchange for her services, and Marvel is notorious for hating to give up theirs. If they could pay their actors with t-shirts from the swag room they'd jump at the opportunity.Now that Emily is out, Kiera Knightley and Alice Eve are the top contenders. Isn't everyone like sooooo over Knightley yet? I want my Peggy Carter to have some meet on her bones. If Kiera gets any skinner she's going to have to develop a coke habit. Not because she should do drugs, she just needs a cooler explanation than genetics. (/Film)
Back in 1776 they had zero tolerance for street musicians. Here are your weekend links.The 'Inglourious Basterds' Clapper Board (Moviefone)8 Randomly Encountered Chatroulette Hotties (Asylum)Charlie Sheen Leaving 'Two and a Half Men'? (PopEater)25 Funny Crucifixes (HolyTaco)Tron Party in San Francisco! (FilmDrunk)Cool Gallery of Futurama Cosplay (Unreality)Cheerleading at its Finest (TotalProSports)Release the Crack-en a.k.a Booties! (Maxim)5 Pairs of Boobies You Have to See (Smosh)New Avatar 2 Trailer (CelebJihad)Thiago Alves's Brain Surgery Video-Blog (CagePotato)Miley Cyrus Career Assessment (Pajiba)Gay Ray, The Reggae Gay (Atom)How to Join the Mafia (MadeMan)NASCAR Prop Bets, Version Two (AllLeftTurns)
She'll grow out of it. There's finally a trailer for Vincenzo Natali's eery sci-fi/horror Splice, that movie with Adrien Brody and the hot, bald chick with the mouth in her scalp (still kinda hot though). The movie impressed at Sundance and will see wide release on June 4th as a result. The film warns against the dangers of queefing in the face of God and law by creating your own monstrous human-animal hybrid. So seriously, guys. Don't do that kind of thing. Did Species teach you nothing? Check out the trailer after the jump.
Director: Vincenzo NataliCast: Adrian Brody, Sarah PolleySynopsis: Elsa and Clive, two young rebellious scientists, defy legal and ethical boundaries and forge ahead with a dangerous experiment: splicing together human and animal DNA to create a new organism.Release Date: June 5, 2010
Time for his 3pm apple sauce.Do you hear that sound? It's the sound of Godsmack warming up their instruments. What could possibly have the ridiculously goateed rockers half-heartedly tuning and making that "jukka jukka jukka" noise? The return of Vin Diesel as Xander Cage, that's what.Of course, that's all old news. Today we have an extreme update. All the die-hard Xander fans who ripped their neck tatts off in solidarity, should be prepared to sew them back on. Not only will director Rob Cohen return to the franchise but he'll be bringing James Cameron's fancy 3D cameras with him. Probably uses a pretty cool truck to carry them too."I feel what we did in the beginning of the decade was bring a different attitude to the action movie and a different kind of hero. With the new 3D instrument and the techniques I can apply, we can create a different kind of cutting-edge experience in 3D by shooting it that way from the beginning the way James Cameron did 'Avatar.' This won't be fantasy characters, it takes place on Earth in real time. That's a new dimension to be explored, and I'm excited."That's right earthlings. You're about to be groin-punched in the face by a non-fantasy character that can surf on speeding missiles. You have until late 2011 to vacate the planet. (ComingSoon)
Their recent strokes have only made them funnier. Harlold & Kumar creators Hayden Schlossberg and Jon Kurwitz are moving from hamburgers to baked goods. The duo is mounting American Pie 4 as both writers and directors. That leaves directing duties on A Very Harold & Kumar Christmas to newcomer Todd Strauss Schulson.The story for the latest Pie sequel is being kept under wraps, though I'm sure embarrassment, bizarre sexual fetishes, and Jim's Dad will remain major components. None of the original cast has officially signed on yet, but extreme interest has been voiced. You don't say? Should I go with a Jason Biggs, Chris Klein, Thomas Ian Nicholas, Tara Reid, Shannon Elizabeth, or Natasha Lyonne joke here… You know what, I'm gonna let it be. I'm sure the fact that the band camp girl is more prosperous than any of them is shameful enough. (THR)
Alexa Davalos is a ballerina who decided to try acting on for size, and it's turned out pretty well for her. She's starred in the films The Chronicles of Riddick, The Mist, and Defiance. Take it easy, Whedon fans! I was getting to her three episode arc on Angel. A word from Alexa: "I would never close any doors to anything and if it were a character that I loved regardless, I would definitely give it thought but that is my first love, film."Yeah, who goes to the theater anymore besides nerds. And yes, intellectuals count as totaly nerds to me.More of Alexa's free spirit after the jump.
Ryan Reynolds is going to die. It's a fact of life that we all need to be prepared for. I feel like you're at an age where you're mature enough to handle that news. I'm talking about in the movies only of course. The real Ryan Reynolds will never die. He will be around forever. You hear me God?Producer Neal Moritz announced that Reynolds will follow Change-Up with a starring role in the upcoming adaptation of the graphic novel R.I.P.D.. In the film, he will play a recently-deceased cop who joins the Rest In Peace Department – which is the police department for the dead, naturally. Reynold's dead partner in the buddy cop film is described as a gunslinger who's been dead for hundreds of years. I take that to mean he wasn't that good of a gunslinger. (Collider)
Clash of the TitansPG-13, 118m., 2010Cast: Sam Worthington, Gemma Arterton, Mads Mikkelson, Jason Fleming with Ralph Fiennes and Liam NeesonDirected by Louis LeterrierScreenplay by Travis Becham, Phillip Hay, and Max…
In all the commotion surrounding just who the frig would be playing The First Avenger: Captain America, we all neglected to needlessly stress out over who would play his plucky sidekick. Today comes word that Gossip Girl's Sebastian Stan will squeeze into Bucky's red tights and strike an arms akimbo pose. He is to Captain America what Robin is to Batman, what Ernie is to Bert, what Samwise is to Frodo, what Bernie Taupin is to Elton John.There have been a few different versions of Bucky in the comic and there is no word yet on how he will be portrayed in the film. You know, except for ridiculously. (THR)
Mark Pellegrino, the guy who plays Jacob on LOST and who dunked Richard's head in the ocean last week, is also the thug from The Big Lebowski who dunks The Dude's head in his own toilet. Someone put those scenes together in video form. (WarmingGlow) "Where're the links, Lebowski?!" David Fincher Inks Deal for 'Dragon Tattoo' (Moviefone) Girl Plays Xbox in a Thong (Asylum) Gabourey Sidibe Hosting SNL (PopEater) 25 Cute Babies and Kitties (HolyTaco) 11 Pointless Uses of Modern Technology (Uproxx) 8 Most Absurd Schwarzenegger Videos (Unreality) 18 Demoralized Animals Wearing Bunny Ears (Maxim) 5 Pranks Not to Pull on Your Girlfriend (Smosh) Megan Fox Sexily Kills a Cat (CelebJihad) Rich Attonito's Guest Blog (CagePotato) Pajiba April Fool's (Pajiba) Sex Offender Shuffle (Atom) Dream Job: Bomb Squad (MadeMan) What do NASCAR Crews do During the Week? (AllLeftTurns) The 7 Different Kinds of Hot (RegretfulMorning)
Another red-band trailer for MacGruber has arrived online for you kids to enjoy. Though this peek lacks boobs and butts, it does manage to explode in your face with potty mouth and murder. And if the thought of that arouses you in anyway, you and I have very different definitions of "potty mouth." All in all, I'm getting really excited to see this movie. It's a far better love letter to '80's action than The A-Team seems to be. Between all the looks we've been given at the racier materials, I expect to laugh long and hard. Just like that time that old guy fell off his bike while I was driving by. Hahahaha. So old. What's the deal with celery? After the jump.