Let's raid some tombs!Noted pornographer and reality television mainstay Kim Kardashian is in talks to star in a reboot of Tomb Raider, according to "Hollywood insiders." Of course, the term "Hollywood insider" is often applied to forty-year-old bloggers who still collect their dead mothers' Social Security checks, so take it for what it's worth.If the rumors are true, the film will reportedly be shot in 3D and will be aimed at a "teen" audience, a brilliant move considering how much teens love giant bouncing breasts.Kardashian would also play "something very different to Angelina’s Lara," which we can only assume means there will be even less talking and even more interracial-sex. (ShowbizSpy)
Not cool.Here are your weekend links. Spoilers for 'Dexter' and 'True Blood' (TVSquad)Bottled Water Contains a Bunch of Bacteria (Asylum)Kristen Stewart Apologizes for Rape Comments (PopEater)'Marmaduke' Recreated Using Review Quotes (FilmDrunk)How to Fight Goblins (HolyTaco)Most Memorable Ray Liotta Moments (Unreality)Kelly Brook in FHM (BroBible)Bateman and Hoffman Kiss at the Lakers Game (TotalProSports)Evolution of a Man's Pants (Maxim)The Kimbo Killer to Make UFC Return Next Month (CagePotato)Betty White Is The Universe's Last Hope (CelebJihad)22 Most Uncomfortable Album Covers Ever (Smosh)Owen Wilson Career Assessment (Pajiba)Let's All Give Stephen Baldwin a Hand (Atom)Denise Milani Interview (MadeMan)
Snoop Dogg wields his lizzle sizzle. Adidas wants you to buy their Star Wars Originals collection, so LucasFilm made this two minute commercial that doesn't feature shoes. It stars Snoop Dogg, Daft Punk, David Beckham, Jay Baruchel, Ciara, and others in the Cantina Scene from Star Wars. My only question is, why do the patrons give the black guy trouble? If they're racist, which they clearly are, they should have known the brother would be packin' heat. Check out the spot after the jump.
Looks like China's a little bit touchy about that whole being a communist superpower thing. A state-run paper is miffed that producers of Red Dawn have chosen to villify them in the upcoming remake, instead of the Soviet Union as they did in the original. Problem is, there is no Soviet Union anymore. We crushed them after watching the original Red Dawn. Oh hey, I think I see their point."Despite the world's focus on U.S.-China relations in the strategic and economic dialogue and their increasing economic connections, China can still feel U.S. distrust and fear, especially among its people. Americans' suspicions about China are the best ground for the hawks to disseminate fear and doubt, which is the biggest concern with the movie Red Dawn."Oh, poor wittle China. Gonna cry? Gonna cry?? China gonna cry? Wh-what are you doing?? No, put that tank back. I was just blogging in a snarky manner. The internet demands it!!! AAAARRRGGGHHHH!!!!! (via Cinematical)
DIRECTOR: Dan BradleySYNOPSIS: A group of teenagers look to save their town from an invasion of Chinese and Russian soldiers.CAST: Chris Hemsworth; Adrianne Palicki; Josh Peck; Josh Hutcherson; Isabel Lucas; Jeffrey Dean Morgan; Tom Cruise's son; Will Yun Lee
Rob Reiner, or Big-Boned Spielberg as he prefers to be called (probably), is back with a quaint coming of age tale. Flipped tells the classic story: boy meets girl, boy discovers porno, boy settles for girl, girl has a weird forehead. It really is an ageless tale. What the hell is this? With a name like Flipped and Reiner attached, I'd assume this is some kind of pancake porn. Where's my syrup shot?! Flipped opens in theaters August 6th. CHECK OUT THE TRAILER AFTER THE JUMP…
I trust your meterological news implicitly.
"Brother?!"There were too many similarities in these stories to avoid lumping them together in one Ogre Round-Up.Brett Ratner – wants to produce an "edgy 3D re-imagining" of the famous Brothers Grimm story "Snow White." “This is not your grandfather’s Snow White,” Ratner said. “Melisa (person with boobs who writes words on paper) went back to the 500 year old folk tale and put in some of the things that were missing from Walt Disney’s film. His dwarves were miners, and here they are robbers. There is also a dragon that was in the original folk tale. Walt made one of the great movies of all time, but ours is edgy and there is more comedy. The original, made for its time, was soft compared to what we’re going to do.” a.k.a. This sh*t is gonna be gangsta! (Deadline)Shrek – could be poisoning children with more than just his vulgar reparté. McDonald's is being forced to recall 12 million Shrek drinking glasses because they contain the toxic metal cadmium, a known carcinogen that can cause bone softening and severe kidney problems. Brett Ratner has learned to live with these conditions, so all 12 million glasses will be shipped to his mansion along with a dump truck full of golden french fries as a thank you. (Movieline)
Natalina Maggio has starred in a bunch of TV shows as characters credited as "Model," "Cheerleader," "Bikini Girl," and "Persian Porn Star." In Get Him to the Greek she plays "Hot Club Dancer." If Natalina keeps climbing the ladder this quickly it won't be long before she lands the role of "Attractive Restaurant Hostess."A word from Natalina: Models and Bikini Girls don't speak in public. More reasons why Natalina plays hot girls after the jump.
YAAAH-HAAWWW!!!! Pull yerselves up a rock and knock back some apple jack. We've got usselves a casting round-up, and it's gonna be a hog killin' good time.JEREMY RENNER – is in talks to play Hawkeye in Joss Whedon's Avengers. He's previously denied his involvement with the project, but he's ready to talk now that the pieces are falling into place. Will this disclude him from appearing in PT Anderson's The Master? Let's see? Dress up as the Marvel Universe's archery guy or piss off all the Scientologists in Hollywood? Here's a pile of cash and a brochure for archery lessons. (THR)NEAL McDONOUGH – is in talks to play Dum Dum Dugan in Joe Johnston's Captain America. Dugan is a member of the Howling Commandos and Nick Fury's second-in-command. I'd report further but looking at McDonough hurts my eyes. He should really be required to wear a hat in trenchcoat when out in public. Like a ninja turtle. (Deadline)
A talking rabbit once told me, "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all." I turned that rabbit into a stew because I loathe miracles of science, but its words always stuck with me. Having said that, FOX released the trailer for the new Jack Black film Gulliver's Travels. It's based off the classic Jonathan Swift novel you haven't read, and also stars Emily Blunt, Amanda Peet, T.J. Miller, and Jason Segel. Basically a man-child goes to the Bermuda Triangle for a fluff news piece and ends up getting into an S&M type situation with little people. It's like that scene in Night at the Museum when Owen Wilson and Steve Coogan come to life, if that scene was over 90 minutes long. Your kids are gonna love it. Pack juice boxes for them and a couple Xanax for yourself. Oops, there go those mean words. Check out the trailer after the jump. Gulliver's Travels washes into theaters December 22, 2010.
Director: Rob LettermanCast: Jack Black, Emily Blunt, T.J. Miller, Amanda PeetSynopsis: In a contemporary re–imagining of the classic tale, Jack Black stars as Gulliver, a big–talking mailroom clerk who, after he’s mistakenly assigned a travel piece on the Bermuda Triangle, suddenly finds himself a giant among men when he washes ashore on the hidden island of Lilliput, home to a population of very tiny people.Release Date: December 22, 2010
Splice is the latest mistake from the sci-fi horror genre, having no thrills or logic in its pseudo-hipster science. A major disappointment comes from its talented cast of Adrien…
Samantha and her new bo get frisky!Just yesterday, it seemed as if Sex and the City's destruction was all but assured. With poor box-office returns, a rapidly aging cast and the death of Rue McClanahan (a.k.a. Samantha), another film seemed out of the question. But much like Skynet from the Terminator series, SATC is launching a last-ditch effort to escape oblivion by fleeing into the past.New Line has expressed interest in adapting SATC author Candace Bushnell's follow-up series, "The Carrie Diaries," into a prequel, allowing for a "new and younger-skewing collection of films." Perhaps most disturbing is the fact that Bushnell herself has expressed interest in Miley Cyrus as a possible lead.Unless we want to see Sex and the City continue to plague mankind for generations to come, this prequel must be stopped. For he who controls the past controls the future, and he who controls the present controls the past…or something like that. (CinemaBlend)
Daniel Craig hasn't made a movie since 2008, but it looks as if his schedule is about to fill up fast. The actor best known as James Bond is close to nabbing the part of Mikael Blomkvist in David Fincher's adaptation of The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo. The film is the first in a three-part series based on the crime novels of Stieg Larsson, and Craig is expected to sign on for all three installments.Rumor has it that Brad Pitt was close to landing the role, but was "edged out" when a bikini-clad Craig showed up at David Fincher's house and offered to wash the director's car. Fincher filmed the wash, and was so impressed by Craig's physique the he offered him the job on the spot. True story. (Collider)
Stallone, Schwarzenegger, Crow.The Expendables has released its second theatrical trailer. And like any movie staring almost every living action star known to man, the film knows what the fans want to see: a crow sitting on top of the skull from Indy 4. The marketing guru's behind this ad should win a medal for their brave choice. After all, who needs to see "action" when you've got a nice looking bird to watch? Audubon Society 4 Ev-a, Dogg! (SlashFilm) Watch a bird sit on a skull and then fly away after the jump.
Yesterday, Queen Elizabeth II knighted Patrick Stewart, which means we all have to call him Sir now. Pffffft. I'm supposed to call Bono "Sir" but you don't see that happening, do you? Hey, Streets With No Names, get your Irish ass over here and refill my Guinness!If you could so kindly click on these proper links. Sam Mendes to Direct 'On Chesil Beach'? (Moviefone)Female Bankers Who Should Be Fired for Hotness (Asylum)Zack Morris and Wife Split (PopEater)Gwyneth Paltrow Wants to Show You Her Taco (FilmDrunk)25 Sexy Pics of NBA Finals Dancers (HolyTaco)If TV and Movie Characters Ran a College (Unreality)10 Ways to Get Drunk for Free in NYC (BroBible)Asshole Rockers From Movies (Maxim)7 Most Triumphant Losses in MMA History (CagePotato)Exclusive Picture of Gary Coleman's Coffin (CelebJihad)21 Crazy Church Signs (Smosh)Determining Your Level of Degeneracy (Pajiba)Jockey Stud (Atom)Dream Job: Bomb Squad (MadeMan)How to Get Serviced Without a Girl (RegretfulMorning)
Sh*t's f*cked, yo.The ocean is James Cameron's sandbox and BP has crapped in it. Knowing that the HMFIC wouldn't stand for that, the EPA called him in to discuss raking that crap out of there. However, British Petroleum has shot him down his help.Cameron suggested the U.S. government needed to take a more active role in monitoring the undersea gusher, which has become the worst oil spill in U.S. history.“I know really, really, really smart people [and Tom Arnold] that work typically at depths much greater than what that well is at,” Cameron said. “The government really needs to have its own independent ability to go down there and image the site, survey the site and do its own investigation,” he said. “Because if you’re not monitoring it independently, you’re asking the perpetrator to give you the video of the crime scene,” Cameron added.I just can't believe someone said no to James Cameron. The last person who did that was Linda Hamilton and we all know how well that turned out. That's right. A guest-starring role on "According to Jim." **shudder** (Reuters)
They're making a horror movie about a mashugina (crazy) Jewish extremist named the Hannukiller who slaughters people during the eight nights of Hanukkah. Judah Lazarus is killed by the police while trying to sacrifice his son Obediah on the last night of Hanukkah. Once Obediah is a grown man, instead of feeling all l'chaim, he decides to become intolerant of non-Jews, "bad Jews," and those he perceives to be enemies of the Jewish faith. He unleashes eight nights of mishigas (madness). A group of Jewish schlemiels (teenagers) are getting ready to kibitz (party) for the holidays, but are in for a Festival of Oy Gavalts (Frights). With the help of a mensch (wise) Rabbi, they deduce that the murder victims have falshed (violated) Judiac law and that their only chance at survival is to embrace their faith.Oy vey, a need a schvitz after yiddishizing that synopsis. So needless to say, Hanukkah will be a must see this holiday season. You bring the latkes, I'll bring the gafilte fish. (JoBlo)Check out the posters for the film after the jump. And the Punimbook page here.
Rose Byrne is an Australian actress. She plays Ellen Parsons in the FX show "Damages," opposite American dramatic institution Glenn Close. Byrne has been in a relationship with Australian writer, director and actor Brendan Cowell for over four years (Boooo!). The couple maintained a long-distance relationship for much of their relationship, with work commitments meaning they were often on separate continents. This means he's a better man than you. A word from Rose: "I see myself more as a character actress than a celebrity."Keep that good head on your shoulders. When you discover you're a celebrity you'll probably want coke, or to kill a homeless person. Apparently it has something to do with power. More pics of professional Rose after the jump.
In case you don't make it to the theater thirty minutes before your movie to secure good seats so you don't have to sit next to a mouth-breather or texting addict, here's some Inception pre-show entertainment for you. The featurette gives us a teeny-eency-weency more in depth look at Christopher Nolan's upcoming mindf*ck of a film. In fact, if the MPAA and society allowed it, I'm positive the title of Inception would be Christopher Nolan's Mindf*ck. I guess we'll just have to wait for the porno version to be released the following day. Check out the trippy featurette after the jump…
A still from Kirk Douglas's soon-to-be-released sex tape. The newest trailer for the Paul Rudd/Steve Carell buddy pic Dinner For Schmucks gives us a much better look at the schmuckly antics the film serves up. Here you get a glimpse of car accidents, vulture kissing, muscle-pulling, Satan costumes, a woman with the piercing glare of Udo Kier, creepy puppets, and mind bullets. It's like a glimpse inside the mind of Gary Busey. Needs wolves though. Wrap your eyes around the new trailer after the jump…
In Hollywood, it usually makes sense to make sequel after sequel. Whether a series is good or bad, there’s some fan base who’ll keep coming back and the studios will make greater dough. There are just a few that make so little sense, I can’t believe they even tried to do more than one. As summer sequel season begins, we look at the 10 most baffling franchises in Hollywood history.BASIC INSTINCTThe only reason there’s even one sequel to this movie is that the studio decided it would be cheaper to make a whole movie than settle a lawsuit with Sharon Stone. So now Basic Instinct is a franchise, with a sequel that made less than Larry the Cable Guy’s first movie. I'm wondering who crunched the numbers and came to the conclusion that making an entire production would be more economical than settling a lawsuit.
Please relax your eyes and stare at the above image. Now, tell Dr. Johnson what you see. Is it a) early concept art of Chris Hemsworth as Marvel's Thor, b) Will Ferrell dressed as Viggo the Carpathian, or c) Dog the Bounty Hunter accentuating his wardrobe with peacocking flair after reading "The Game?" Answer below.It's Thor, you guys. (Collider)More unofficially official images of Thor after the jump…
Why are these dudes still living together? Actor Tom Selleck confirmed that Disney is attempting to move forward on a third installment in the Three Men series. For those of you born after 1992, this refers to a popular 80's movie (Three Men and a Baby) and its disappointing, midget-porn sequel (Three Men and a Little Lady) co-starring Selleck, Steve Guttenberg and Ted Danson. Make your own Steve Guttenberg joke, cause I like the guy. "It is true that Disney checked my availability," Selleck told the site. "And I know they checked Ted's and Steve's, and then had a script written, I think tentatively called 'Three Men and a Bride,' which kind of says it all [about the story]." I'm trying really hard not to be negative, but the "baby" from the film is now in her mid twenties, and no one besides my friend Jon wants to see a girl in her 20's "accidentally" pee on Ted Danson. I'm not even sure Netflix can legally send something like that through the mail. While we're at it, why not just make Adventures in Babysitting: The Next Generation, Good Evening Vietnam, or Mannequin: The Revenge.* (ComingSoon)*These are all real pitches. I demand an executive producer credit and 5% of both the domestic and international box-office.
Aniston Sucks Cox…GET IT!?!The Internet rumor mill is working overtime tonight, speculating that Jennifer Aniston will be joining her former "Friends" co-star, Courtney Cox, in the upcoming horror sequel, Scream 4.According to Star Magazine, which is one step up from reading the scribblings on a bathroom wall, Aniston's character will die early on. This follows in the tradition of the previous Scream films which have all killed off a big-name star within the first few minutes.If the rumors prove true, it will not be the first stab at the horror genre for either actress. Cox has been a mainstay of the Scream franchise since its inception, and Aniston has been terrifying audiences for years with films such as The Break-Up and He's Just Not That Into You. (CinemaBlend)
He really nailed the eyes.These links will cheer you up, Fat Little Girl.Free Outdoor Summer Film Festivals (Moviefone)Russell Brand Tips for Getting Laid (Asylum)M.I.A.'s French Fry Fight (PopEater)The Dos ad Don'ts of Soul Selling (HolyTaco)Keifer in Talks for Werewolf Fight Club (FilmDrunk)10 Best Comedy Duos of All Time (Unreality)AT&T Nixes Unlimited Wireless Plans (BroBible)Greatest Wrestling Move Ever (TotalProSports)Progression of a Celebrity (Maxim)Kim Couture Arrested After Choking Personal Assistant (CagePotato)Jessica Simpson is Totally Not Fat (CelebJihad)20 Horrible Place Names (Smosh)5 Best Single TV Episodes of the Season (Pajiba)M'Larky Slugs It Out (Atom)Have a Summer Fling (MadeMan)
Beethoven's 2nd robbed us of Charles Grodin, our nation's most cantankerous export back in 1994. A man can only abide a St. Bernard ruining his turkey dinner so many times before he decides to walk away from a thriving Hollywood career, and Grodin had reached his breaking point. Welp, I've got good news for all you Grodinheads out there. The man is open to acting again and he seems more curmudgeonly than ever."I’ve been led to believe by someone I won’t name that they will ask me and I will consider it,” says Grodin in regards to the planned Midnight Run sequel. Though he does have his conditions. “I just turned down the new Muppet movie… Jim Henson was dear to me but I’m not flying 6000 miles to Los Angeles to work one day." Well, you could also take in a Lakers game, B.A. Baracus. Just sayin'. It's reported that he won't take a role if it interferes with him being at his Connecticut home by nightfall. This reinforces my theory: Charles Grodin is a werewolf. I'm 17% certain of this. (Deadline)
AICN snagged some very official looking concept images of what Chris Evans could maybe possibly look like as Captain America. Marvel has not yet confirmed their authenticity, so basically they could be you or me, probably you, jerking around on the computer in a basement, surrounded by American flags and Nazi scalps. In which case, I commend you. That's an impressive collection of Nazi scalps.More unofficially official images of Captain America after the jump.
Zoe Salmon was the host of the children's television show "Blue Peter." Shortly after her debut, she famously said, "I'd try anything once," which started a trend in her being asked to do dangerous or embarrassing things including wing-walking on top of an antique biplane. An antique biplane? What kind of dares are these?!A word from Zoe: "I'd try anything once."Oh yeah? Would you wing-walk on top of an antique biplane? Damnit, why does the mind go straight to that?More pics of Zoe trying getting her picture taken after the jump.