Being a huge feminist and all (see above picture) I found it hard to enjoy The Hangover. The whole time I was all like, 'Where my sisters at??!" Well friends, my prayers have been answered. Household name Wayne McClammy ("The Sarah Silverman Program," Kimmel's "I'm F**king Matt Damon/Ben Affleck") is in talks to direct Desperados. The project is described as a lady-version of The Hangover, with Isla Fisher in talks to star. I'd think if you wanted a hungover redhead, you wouldn't need to look further than Lindsay Lohan **scribbles down joke, mails to Craig Kilborn**THR's got more info. You go, girlfriend:The story is about a woman who sends an indignant email to her new beau, who has gone silent after they have sex, only to discover he's comatose in a Mexican hospital. Panicking, she races south of the border with her friends in tow to intercept the email before he recovers.Dumb. You can't outrun an email. Just like you can't outrun sunlight or a flash freeze. I'm looking at you two, Blade and Jake Gyllenhaal.
Jemaine Clement of "Flight of the Concords" fame is slated to play the villain in Men in Black III. Clement joins Will Smith, Tommy Lee Jones, Josh Brolin and director Barry Sonnenfeld, who have all signed on to the project.While details are scarce, Collider is reporting that Clement will play an evil character named Yaz. Based on Clement's sideburns, one can only assume that "Yaz" is none other than Boston Red Sox's great Carl Yastrzemski, aka Mutton-chop Yaz.On the plus side, it would be hard to make a film any worse than MIB II. Unfortunately, Clement was already involved in the sci-fi related catastrophe, Gentleman Broncos, so anything is possible.
Finally, something tangible to report about Ghostbusters that doesn't involve Bill Murray's menstrual cycle. Rather than waiting around for Ghostbusters 3 like the rest of us saps, the fine folks at Improv Everywhere decided to take matters into their own hands by producing a version of Ghostbusters Live. The funnymen who had originally made a splash with their Best Buy sales prank which featured over eighty participants, pulled off quite the stunt with only seven able bodied comedians recently at the main branch of the New York Public Library and every spook filled second has been caught on camera for your enjoyment! I never thought that performance art could be so relevant. It's really inspired me to get my own flash mob version of Downfall off the ground. And if those people at the ADL don't like it they can go to hell. They never understood my art. (DreadCentral) See Ghostbusters Live after the jump.
Our friends at EgoTV put together this mashup of famous archery scenes from movies set to Def Leppard's "Pour Some Sugar On Me." I personally would have chosen Pat Benatar's "Hit Me With Your Best Shot," but then again I'm a hack. These links are a bullz-eye! **rimshot. fart.** 'Pirates 4' to Be Shot in 3D (Moviefone) Meet the Beer Experts (Asylum) Conan O'Brien Lists His Five Favorite YouTube Videos (PopEater) How Delonte West Hooked Up With Lebron's Mom (HolyTaco) First Script Scene of Facebook movie 'The Social Network' (BroBible) Getting Old Sucks (FilmDrunk) 10 Best SNL Digital Shorts (Unreality) Miss Massachusetts Pics (TotalProSports) Pretty Girls and Their Playthings (Maxim) Meet Jan Finney, Cris Cyborg's Next Victim (CagePotato) Joe Jonas Lied About Serving In Vietnam (CelebJihad) 10 Best Kids' Drawings Ever (Smosh) 5 Most Popular Celebs You've Never Heard Of (Pajiba) M'larky Trailer (Atom) 13 Facts about Weed (MadeMan) Tony Stewart Jumps from a Plane (AllLeftTurns)
Oprah?Looks like Eddie Murphy may take a break from the moody, little character pieces he's so well known for to don the fat suit and drink from the drawn butter well once again. While at the premiere of Shrek 4, Murphy told Access Hollywood:“You know what, there might be another Nutty Professor. We kind of wrote something that might be kind of funny. If the studios want to do it, we’ll do it. If you don’t see it, the studio was like, ‘This isn’t funny.’”I don't know Eddie. Precious wasn't all that funny and they let you do that. It even earned you an Oscar nomination. Don't be so hard on yourself, champ. Good things happen to good people. **gets killed anally by exploding office chair**
With the Will Forte vehicle MacGruber due out in theaters this Friday, I decided to look into the funny little history of "Saturday Night Live's" adventures on the silver screen. Generally the movies were spun off from their more popular sketches (how the Roxbury guys were popular, I'll never know).I wanted to grade SNL spinoffs that were regular sketches with regular cast members. I also wanted to compare the merits of each using the two only barometers for success that Hollywood has: critical reception and, of course, money. Further, I studied a particular SNL cast member, and their career success as compared to their SNL movie vehicle.Here are the results.
'The world is a fine place and worth fighting for.' And it looks awesome in Blu Ray!David Fincher's Se7en is getting the Blu Ray treatment, meaning you'll soon see the bloated corpse of the fatass who ate himself to death in high definition, as God the father intended.The disk will be loaded with extras, including audio commentaries, alternate endings and full motion video details of "John Doe´s" creepy notebook writings. No word yet on the case, but hopefully it will resemble the box with the severed head. I think that'd be neat!Se7en on Blu Ray hits stores September 14th. (DreadCentral)
In this exclusive, behind the scenes look at Toy Story 3, Ned Beatty and Michael Keaton join an ensemble cast for the most powerful chapter to date in the beloved franchise. When Andy heads off to college, adventure fanatic Buzz Lightyear (Tim Allen) takes his toy friends on a river-rafting trip into the dangerous American back-country. During a chance encounter with a group of locals, an offhand comment about moonshine by Lots-o'-Huggin' Bear (Beatty) leads to a violent sexual assault. The trip soon descends into a nightmare in which both nature and mankind conspire against the toys, putting their lives and perhaps even their souls at risk. (LatinoReview) Watch Ned Beatty's powerful performance in Toy Story 3 after the jump.
The Shia LaBeouf blame train is once again leaving the station. But this time, instead of badmouthing the work of a universally reviled Michael Bay film, he's going after the work of of one of the greatest living directors, Steven Spielberg. In a recent interview with the Los Angeles Times, LeBeouf said he was disappointed with Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, admitting his own performance was sub par, but also calling out the work of the famed director. I would never disrespect the man. I think he's a genius, and he's given me my whole life. He's done so much great work that there's no need for him to feel vulnerable about one film. But when you drop the ball you drop the ball." I fully agree that Spielberg dropped the ball, mainly by casting LaBeouf in the film. But I do like LaBeouf's habit of waiting until well after the fact to badmouth his own work. Along those lines, I'd like to apologize for my poorly written feature on the history of G.I. Joe war atrocities. While I do take some responsibility, I'd also like to say that Patrick Schumacker, the former editor of Screen Junkies, dropped the ball. (CinemaBlend)
Zoe doing her best assassin pose. If this is what death looks like, I welcome it. Zoe Saldana is in talks to star in Colombiana, to be produced by Luc Besson of Taken producing fame. THR has the scoop:Written by Besson and Robert Mark Kamen, "Colombiana" is set in Latin America and the U.S. Saldana would play a young woman who, after witnessing her parents' murder as a child in Bogota, grows up to be a stone-cold assassin. She works for her uncle as a hitman by day, but her personal time is spent engaging in vigilante murders that she hopes will lead her to her ultimate target: the mobster responsible for her parents' death. So…it's another revenge flick. Or it's Batman without all the philanthropy. I was a big fan of Taken so I'll give Besson and Kamen the benefit of the doubt. I enjoyed watching Liam Nesson crack skulls for 90 minutes, what's to say I won't like Zoe Saldana doing the same thing in a tight pleather body suit? Note to director: take my note.
Bruce Willis is going back in time for Rian Johnson's Looper and buyers are reported to be pouncing on it. In the sci-fi film, he'll play an older version of Joseph Gordon-Levitt, who may be targeted for assassination. Though the two actors don't look that much alike, who's to say what Gordon-Levitt would look like after the on-set of male pattern baldness and years of having to be civil to Ashton Kutcher.The premise of the movie has hit men sending their targets back in time, where they are killed. Thus no evidence is left behind. Because everyone knows that bending the fabric of space and time is easier than wearing gloves. (Deadline)
That's me between the Asian and the freak. I had the opportunity to attend the Cannes Film Festival over the past few days, and it was a whirlwind experience full of red carpets, yacht parties, and Jean Claude Van Dammes galore. My brains are still recovering from the extensive travel and time difference, but I feel it’s more authentic and enjoyable if I share my journey in my current semi-conscious condition. When I arrived at the hotel, the Maison de Jacque D’Azur, I was greeted with an ice cold Stella Artois, a welcomed welcome after spending the previous fifteen hours on a metal tube that has no business hovering so long in the sky. The Maison used to be home to Picasso, who I’m sure is rolling over in his grave now that bloggers are slogging around it, covering the interior with a thick layer of Cheetos dust.
Robin Hood PG-13, 131m., 2010 Cast: Russell Crowe, Cate Blanchett, Mark Strong, William Hurt, Mark Addy, Danny Huston, and Max Von Sydow Directed by Ridley Scott Screenplay by Brian Helgeland Robin Hood, the new retelling of the famous legend points its arrows at being a nitty-gritty throwback epic but misses its mark with too many characters and not enough story.In this prequel version from the slam-your-fist-into-the-mud-team of director Ridley Scott and actor Russell Crowe, Crowe stars as Robin Lonstride, a 12th century archer in King Richard's army who by way of action and accidents is mistaken for the knight Robert of Luxley. This gives him the opportunity to steal from the rich and give to the poor people of Nottingham, while King Phillip of France and evil-knight Godfrey (played by Mark Strong in his usual sneering jackal performance) plan to invade the shores of England. Director Scott, working from a script by Brian Helgelanger seems to be having shifts into what movie they want to portray, ending up with too many arrows and no sharp tips.More after the jump…
When it comes to flops, you can't get much bigger than Gentlemen Broncos. And like a wounded solider crying out for his mother, filmmakers Jared and Jerusha Hess are longing to return to familiar territory after their critical and financial depantsing. The pair is currently in talks with Fox to develop a pilot based their first, and some would say only success: Napoleon Dynamite. Sources close to the story state that many of the actors from the film will return to lend their voices to the cartoon, including star Jon Heder, Efran Ramirez (Pedro), Aaron Ruell (Kip), and Jon Gries (Uncle Rico). No word on whether or not Tina Majorino will return as Deb. No story details have been revealed, but it seems likely that it would work mainly as a continuation of the film, which followed Napoleon through the hilarious awfulness of his day-to-day existence. I could make a joke about the fact that all of the original actors are "available" to do the voices, but hey, we can't all be successful "overnight writers" for screenjunkies.com. Besides, if you ask me, it sounds like a great plan. When Kevin Smith's career hit a rough patch, he developed an animated version of his first sucess, Clerks. He then went on to direct Jersey Girl. (Cinematical)
The first rule of Fight Sub: you don't let McG direct Fight Sub.Director David Fincher is in talks with Disney to direct a remake of Jules Verne’s classic submarine adventure, 20,000 Leagues Under The Sea. Fincher is attempting to resurrect the project first helmed by McG, the famed auteur behind Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle and Korn: Who Then Now?Disney reportedly dropped McG from the project because they believed his take on the film was too dark. If you're looking for more light-hearted fare, Fincher is the obvious choice. I'm sure the scene where Captain Nemo finds his wife's severed head in a box will be a real knee slapper. (EmpireOnLine)
Get a room, you two.Here are your weekend linksHugh Hefner and Joan Rivers Vs. Best Worst Movie (Moviefone)Masterclash Takes On Bad TV (Asylum)Oprah to Tom Cruise: Sit Your Ass Down (Popeater)25 Sad Cleveland Fans (Holy Taco)Hard Ticket To Hawaii Keeps On Giving (Film Drunk)Cleveland Serenades LeBron (Total Pro Sports)Maxim's Hottest Hand Bras (Maxim)Dan Quinn Gives Advice to Jesse James (Cage Potato)Jessica Alba Shows Butt Crack, Enjoys Anal (CelebJihad)Iron Man Vs. Kool-Aid Man (Smosh)Robin Hood Is Not A Very Fun Movie (Pajiba)A Montage of Manliness (Atom)Live In the Original Playboy Mansion (MadeMan)Victory Lane Girls (All Left Turns)
Oh no. Those Nazis that live on the moon that we've all forgotten exist are coming home to roost. In this teaser for the fan-made sci-fi comedy Iron Sky, exiled Nazis attack Earth from their secret moon location but get more than they bargained for when we strike back. PLANET EARTH! PLANET EARTH!The film remains in production as it still seeks funding. I guess "Nazis who live on the moon launch an assault, but it's funny" isn't the strongest pitch that studios have heard.I completely understand why Nazis would be compelled to shape their moon base like a swastika, but it's an incredibly flawed building design. Must be a real bitch to get from one end to the other. It looks almost as inconvenient as the airport in Atlanta.Check out those sneaky Space Nazis after the jump…
In all the excitement to lampoon "Get Out of There!" and mirror scares, we nearly overlooked Hollywood's commonly overused cliche. via Gorilla Mask
We've held off reporting about Friends With Benefits up until now because the thought of Ashton Kutcher in a no-strings-attached sexual relationship with Natalie Portman makes our parts wither. Sadly, we've been put into a position where we would be remiss if we continued the embargo.Ivan Reitman has begun to wisely throw hottie after hottie at the project, and today there's news that the ridiculously sexy Lake Bell has joined the cast as Kutcher's co-worker. Olivia Thirlby and Greta Gerwig have also recently become attached. Great. Ashton Kutcher surrounded by hot women. Is this a movie-version of those camera commercials he's been doing? (Variety)
After moving to NY to pursue acting, Mary Louise Parker got a job measuring feet at a shoe store. It was all downhill from there. She starred in a movie about old women named Fried Green Tomatoes, and movie about middle-aged women named Boys on the Side, and a show about selling ganja named "Weeds." She won an Emmy for the latter, but it ain't no feet measurin', that's for sure. A word from Mary Louise: "Oh, I just hate having to polish all of these awards!"Tell me about. My capoeta trophies are so tarnished it's an embarrassment when I'm entertaining company. More pics of the weed-selling MILF after the jump.
"F*ck it."Residents of the Williamsburg section of Brooklyn should be prepared to see Kung Fu Panda: The Kaboom of Doom popping up on their Netflix Local Favorites. It's been revealed that Charlie Kaufman was brought in to fix up the animated flick's script. That's right. The man who wrote Adaptation also took a gig on a movie about a kung fu kicking panda. If you listen closely, you can hear Robert McKee laughing his nuts off.It's not uncommon for several writers to pitch in on a studio film and remain uncredited. Especially an animated one. Kaufman is reported to have only polished the material, so it's doubtful we'll notice his handiwork. But keep an eye out for uncharacteristically cerebal fart jokes when the movie opens in June of 2011. (THR)
Sam Worthington will add "wearing a hat" to his growing repertoire. In addition to roles in Dan Dare: Pilot Of the Future, Dracula Year Zero, and The Fields, he is now attached to star as literary adventurer and Indiana Jones inspiration, Allan Quatermain. But don't worry. Dreamworks can sense you yawning at that news and that's why the classic hero will be given a sci-fi makeover. For the new non-stuffy Quatermain, Worthington will return from space to an abandoned Earth for an epic treasure hunt.When reached for fictional comment, star and producer Sam Worthington had this to say, "I'd like to really master the hat-wearing aspect of this character. This will require loads of practice. I'll wear all types of hats to acclimate my scalp to the process. I'm actually beginning training with a hat-wearing coach next week. This guy that Jim [Cameron] recommended. Seems like a good bloke." (THR)
Kids today just can't get enough of John Rambo. Check the Internet, and you'll find there are literally millions, if not billions of Rambo related Facebook pages and Twitter accounts. And with Rambo mania (or as I like to call it, "Romania") at an all time high, it's no surprise that a group of investors is trying to drum up money to make the fifth installment of the franchise. In order to raise awareness for their cause, said investors have been putting up Rambo V posters at various locations around Cannes. The only problem is that Sylvester Stallone says he's through with the character. Stallone says the people behind these posters are out there looking for funding, and told him that if he won’t do it, someone else will. He's adamant that he won't do it so that means Rambo V, if they find funding, will happen with someone new playing Rambo. Screw Stallone. Those investors shouldn't let something like the loss of an iconic lead actor keep them from giving the public what it so desperately wants. Get The Rock on the phone. We want more Rambo! (CinemaBlend)
Sweetest. Hanukkah. Gift. Ever.(via YTMND)Amanda Seyfried Has Some Questions to Answer (Moviefone)Jesse Jayne Has Some Questions to Answer (Asylum)Shia Disses Papa Bear, Michael Bay (PopEater)5 Ways to Clean Up An Oil Spill (HolyTaco)G.I. Joe 2 Has a Script? (FilmDrunk)Suck It, Terrence Howard! (UnReality)Pedobear May Be the Predators New Mascot (Total Pro Sports)Real Life MacGrubers (Maxim)Xande Ribeiro Eyeing Contract With UFC (Cage Potato)Is Miley Cyrus Whoring Her Way to the Top? (CelebJihad)World's Most Badass Illustrator Ever: R.I.P. (Smosh)Where's This Generation's Freddy Krueger? (Pajiba)Last 10 Seconds of Lost Challenge (Atom)How To Booby Trap Your Apartment (MadeMan)World's Tiniest Redneck (AllLeftTurns)
This billboard never gets old.This past week, Samuel L. Jackson appeared on Radio Big Boy to promote Iron Man 2 in between bicycle horns and other wacky sound effects. He got to talking about his nine picture deal with Marvel and let slip the news that he will star in his own Nick Fury, Agent of S.H.I.E.L.D. movie. To me, it seems like he was just talking though.Jackson was pretty vague about when shooting would begin on the supposed film (sometime after The Avengers) and didn't seem to know much about the current slate of Marvel films. He didn't know who was playing Captain America, and mixed up Thor star Chris Hemsworth for Chris Pine. Though in all fairness, we handsome, strapping white guys do look a lot alike (we're always joking about that at our meetings). Still, I long for a day when I can live like Samuel L. Jackson, oblivious to movie news and the comings and goings of the Internet. Just once I'd like to feel the soft kiss of the summer sun. **squeaks finger slowly down window glass, sighs, resigns self to watching Hurley from Lost's "Dude" video** (Cinema Blend)
That's right, boys! Soak it up!So I'm on a plane right now flying to Cannes for the the tiny, little film festival they do annually, and I'm having trouble remembering who I slept with/killed to get this opportunity. Also, my 767 jet must be equipped with magic because I'm posting on the site from 1000s of feet up in the air. Eat your heart out, George Jetson. Your future looks like a silly b*tch now.Come to think of it, no one in their right or wrong mind would request sexual favors from me in exchange for a trip to Cannes. That's right, Stella Artois so kindly sponsored this excursion for me. I plan on living it up on the French Riviera like Jacques D'azur, and attempting to hit on as many women as he has bedded with a simple come hither glance. Don't post this on my girlfriend's Facebook wall. She doesn't read the site.I'll be bringing you all kinds of fun audio and/or visual presentations documenting my escapades at the film festival. I even had to rent a tuxedo. With a bowtie. Why do I have a strange feeling I'll be working this trip off by serving tray passed mini quiches at an after party?I'm not certain yet what screenings I'll be attending or what galas I'll be drunkenly stumbling into, but rest assured you will know when I know. I mainly just plan on donning my tux 24/7 and unsuccessfully trying to convince people I'm Daniel Craig. Not James Bond, mind you. Daniel Craig. Now to secure some piercing blue eyes…My battery is running out because I lack discipline and don't refresh it like Apple suggests you do at least once a month, so I'll say au revoir for now. Keep on checking back for my updates and the use of French words that I pick up at high-stakes poker games and mustache-twisting pow-wows. Kisses, my babies!
Emma Stone steps out from behind the shadow of Anna Faris in an attempt to crown herself the new Anna Faris with Easy A. In the trailer, we see her pretend-boink her gay friend in a fool-proof plan to make him popular. She then has to deal with her own new found popularity, as she is quickly drafted by other nerds to pretend-spread her pretend-legs in order to launch their own popularity. Amanda Bynes also shows up as her nemesis. What the hell happened to her? How did she go from this to looking like she discovered the same meteorite as Peter Sarsgaard? Can Botox do that to a person? Check out the trailer after the jump…
Mira Sorvino is every Italian dude's fantasy: a tall, tough, hot, Italian broad whose dad played Paulie in Goodfellas. She also won a Best Supporting Actress Oscar for her role as a foul-mouthed prostitute in the Woody Allen flick Mighty Aphrodite. So in summary, she's a tall, tough, hot, Italian foul-mouthed prostitute. Check, please!A word from Mira: "There's a side of my personality that goes completely against the East Coast educated person and wants to be a pin-up girl in garages across America."But then you remember how degrading that is, right? I've heard it 1000 times from you brainy girls. It always ends in me putting the lens cap back on my camera. More of Mira's beauty and less of her brains after the jump.
Stay up to date on my escapades at the Cannes Film Festival.
Pixels! – Watch more Game TrailersPixels has almost successfully unlocked every achievement required to become a viral sensation. Level One: it was emailed to you by your friends. Level Two: blogs reposted. Level Three: it was emailed to you by everyone in your office. And now, it has achieved Level Four status: being ruined by Adam Sandler. Expect it to achieve Level Five (being emailed to you by your mom) status in about four months.Back to Sandler. Happy Madison is in early talks to adapt Patrick Jean's video-game themed invasion short into a feature length film, though there's no indicaton how they plan to stretch the content that far. I can already picture Rob Schneider as a racially-insensitve depiction of Super Mario, and Sandler as the hapless dad tasked with imprisoning the escaped characters in the magic Atari console he purchased from Henry Winkler.Though I don't feel that Happy Madison is the best fit for this material, as a New Yorker, I encourage these 8-bit invaders to bring it on. If we start to live in fear, the Pac-Men have already won. (Deadline)