I bet he's never heard an 'ass bender" joke before. I'm so clever!Michael Fassbender has been confirmed as Magneto in Fox’s upcoming prequel, X-Men: First Class. Fassbender will star along side James McAvoy who is already cast to play a young Charles Xavier.For those of you who don't know, Magneto (a.k.a. Eric Lensherr) was not always a villain, and was once good friends with Xavier. However, after a tragic fraternity hazing mishap involving a broom handle left Xavier confined to a wheel chair, the two became bitter rivals. (Cinema Blend)
Who better to convince children to rat on their touchy-feely parents than a trio of demonic dolls? Then the kids go cry to daddy about the scary puppets on TV and they get the belt again. Some marketing guru didn't think this PSA through very well.Don't make me tell you twice to click these links.What Do Comic Fans Think Of 'Jonah Hex' (Moviefone) 13-Foot Stay Puft Marshmallow Man Costume (Asylum) John Morris, The Voice of Andy In 'Toy Story' Speaks (PopEater) James Franco Really Likes Gay Stuff (FilmDrunk) Smoking Hot Marisa Miller Pictures (HolyTaco) "That Guy" Actor Of The Week: Joe Flaherty (Unreality) 10 Great Spoofs of the 'Psycho' Shower Scene (BroBible) Tiger Woods Love Child (TotalProSports) Hot California Gurls Pictures (Maxim) Rampage Blames Loss To Rashad (CagePotato) Justin Bieber Chatroulette (CelebJihad) 10 People You Don't Want At Your Pool Party (Smosh) The Pajiba 10 (1992 Edition) (Pajiba) Swat-Stickas (Atom) Anarchy In A Jam Jar (MadeMan) 5 People You Will Meet At The Beach This Summer (RegretfulMorning)
The international trailer for Scott Pilgrim vs. The World has HIT!!!! the Interwebz. The new footage and campy banter from Superman guy and "Arrested Development" Anne (Cowinkidink Alert!: She's Michael Cera's girlfriend on the show) are increasing my interest in this film. Not quite sure why we need to see a graphic representation of Scott Pilgrim's bladder being emptied, but I'll go with it. Perhaps in a sequel down the road we'll be privy to his prostate bar, a function those Flomax geniuses are probably toiling away on at this very moment. Check out the trailer after the jump…
Fox Searchlight has released the trailer for Conviction, another one of those inspirational true stories that scream "Academy Award nominations all-around!" Hilary Swank plays a "high school dropout who spent nearly two decades working as a single mother while putting herself through law school, tirelessly trying to beat the system and overturn her brother’s unjust murder conviction." I assume the brother didn't do the crime, but Sam Rockwell's playing him so you never know. Maybe we'll get one of those Primal Fear endings. Swank spends years of her life striving to free her brother, then the instant Rockwell steps out of the prison gates he screams, "I stabbed that b*tch in the eyes!" and kicks Hilary in the stomach before stealing her broken down Taurus. Yeah… That would be awesome. Conviction gets tossed into theaters October 15, 2010. Check out the Oscar bait trailer after the jump…
Director: Tony GoldwynCast: Hilary Swank, Sam Rockwell, Minnie Driver, Melissa LeoSynposis : A working mother puts herself through law school in an effort to represent her brother, who has been wrongfully convicted of murder and has exhausted his chances to appeal his conviction through public defenders.Release Date: October 15, 2010
The Killer Inside Me R, 108min., 2010 Cast: Casey Affleck, Jessica Alba, Kate Hudson, Simon Baker, Elias Koteas, Ned Betty, and Bill Pullman Directed by Micheal Winterbottom Screenplay by John Curran based upon the novel by Jim Thompson The Killer Inside Me is a faithfully adapted, dark, and twisted gem of an exercise in B-movie noir. From the faded pop color opening credit sequence, director Michael Winterbottom and his perfectly suited cast takes us back to 1950s West Texas, where Central City, Sheriff Deputy Lou Ford (played by Casey Affleck, giving one of his finest and scariest performances to date) doesn't carry a gun and 'sweet talks' his way out of any bad problems. Well, that's what Lou wants you to believe as behind his earnest smile he is one of the most disturbed and violently psychological complex characters this side of the Rio Grande.MORE AFTER THE JUMP…
Director: Michael WinterbottomCast: Casey Affleck, Jessica Alba, Kate HudsonSynopsis: A West Texas deputy sheriff is slowly unmasked as a psychotic killer.
In his version of 3D, audiences walk out with a black eye.Martin Scorsese's next project is a 3D adaptation of Brian Selznick's novel The Invention of Hugo Cabret. The director has been quoted in the past saying that he doesn't like 3D just for 3D's sake, meaning stuff flying at your face is bunk, but it seems Scorsese has quickly changed his tune. According to his longtime editor Thelma Schoonmaker, who recently spoke to a masterclass at Aruba International Film Festival, Scorsese is all about getting up in your face with his film now:“Scorsese is in love with [3D]. He looked at Avatar and Alice [in Wonderland] and Scorsese didn’t feel that the 3D he saw was as interesting as in the old ones like Dial M for Murder and House of Wax. He’s decided he wants to be stronger with 3D to make it jump out at you. He’s going to go a little bit further with it.”Daaaaaaaamn, Marty. You dissed Cameron and Burton in one fell swoop. Actually your editor did by proxy, so maybe you should consider putting a muzzle on her.The Invention of Hugo Cabret is written by John Logan (Gladiator, Aviator) and stars Ben Kingsley, Sacha Baron Cohen, Asa Butterfield, and Chloe Moretz. It's Scorsese's first foray into 3D, and he's extremely excited about molding the technology to his very specific stylings. I'm personally jazzed to see this one on December 9th of next year. Even though it's a family film, I've read the book and can confirm that if you possess a soul you're guaranteed a whimsical good time. If you don't have a soul, you can proceed with killing helpless small animals in your mother's garden. (/Film)
Director: Martin ScorseseCast: Chloe Moretz, Ben Kingsley, Sacha Baron Cohen, Asa ButterfieldSynopsis: Concerns a 12-year-old orphan who lives in the walls of a Paris train station in 1930 and a mystery involving the boy, his late father and a robot.Release Date: December 9, 2011
Gary, take about one-million steps to the left.Gary Oldman must owe someone money. The extremely versatile and talented actor is set to star in the crime thriller Guns, Girls & Gambling alongside the not versatile and talented Dane Cook and Christian Slater. Alright, Slater deserves some cred, mainly for Kuffs, but still, Oldman stumbled into the wrong lukewarm jacuzzi. THR, mind telling us about the project?The story throws Elvis impersonators, Indians, modern cowboys, a 6-foot-tall blond assassin, a frat boy, a corrupt sheriff and a prostitute into a chase for a priceless American Indian artifact stolen during a poker game at an Indian casino.Slater plays a normal guy who in a drunken stupor joins an Elvis impersonation contest. Oldman is the contest’s mega-contender, and Cook will play the sheriff. . What? This movie sounds ridiculous. Any God-fearing American worth his salt knows that frat boys don't mess with prostitution or gambling. But if you say so, indie director Michael Winnick. I can suspend my disbelief for Dane Cook, but the mischievous frat boys plot line just doesn't hold water.
I'm going to continue posting these porn parody trailers because I personally find it amusing when nasty sex gets shoehorned into anything, especially movies and TV shows that don't deserve such acts being forced on them. I wouldn't be so bold as to call these porn parodies "the rape of western media" but if major outlets pick up the term I want proper credit. Having said all that, New Sensations added boobies and stuff to The Breakfast Club! Imagine all of the confessions about parental abuse in the original film replaced with sexual innuendos. So basically, they stole our entire schtick at Screen Junkies. **Represses deep-seated emotions. Plasters on fake smile** Check out the porn parody trailer after the jump. Fingers crossed for the single "Don't You Forget About Missionary" in the full length movie.
I know how much you guys love info about movies that may never happen, so here are some photos from the set of The Hobbit. The film has no director, but people are working hard over in New Zealand to build The Shire. Once the project is completely dead they'll abandon the land, leaving prime, unpatroled real estate open for hobbit squaters. They're the worst kind of squaters.More c*ck tease pics after the jump.
Western flicks have been cattle-roping since the invention of the movie camera. So it's no surprise that sometimes they get a bit stale. Every so often, filmmakers jump into the genre with a little extra spice. Only, instead of coriander, they've got zombies, man-eating monsters, and gadgets.This week, Jonah Hex, based on the DC Comics series, adds a bit of the supernatural to Josh Brolin's archetypal old west anti-hero. Next year, we'll see the release of Cowboys & Aliens. It's no stretch, nowadays, to see modern westerns made with a little fantasical pizzazz, so we put together a short history of supernatural motifs in the genre.
Sweet mother of us all! This Predator's scary vagina mouth is the most horrifying thing I've seen since Love Actually.In this newly released photo from the upcoming Robert Rodriguez-produced film, one of the Predators displays his fangs in an all-out attempt to cause Danny Trejo's character to poop his pants. I'm assuming it didn't work, since Danny Trejo is the most menacing thing in the galaxy. Even so, it's pretty bad ass. See more freaky Predators pics after the jump.
Leave it to those conniving Brazilians. It's bad enough they always win the World Cup. It's even worse that their women are some of the hottest on the planet. As if they didn't have enough to rub our faces in, now they've gone and stole our trailer for The Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader. It makes me sick! The clip, which has not officially been released, was published on a Brazilian website known as "MundoNarnia," which roughly translates to "Stupid Yankees Go Home, Narnia Is Ours." I thought my grandpa was a fool when he told me not to trust the Brazilians because they had no respect for copyright law. Now I wish we'd listened to him instead of selling his house and putting him in a state-run nursing home. Ah well, estou começando a aprender. Vamos ao cinema? Watch the new Chronicles of Narnia trailer after the jump.
Nic Cage Wants His Cake – Watch more Funny VideosWho would have thought something so great could come from the Brett Ratner-directed film The Family Man? I want this song as my ringtone. Verizon, make it happen! (FilmDrunk)I want these links!'Sons of Archery' Creator Fires Back About Pending Lawsuit (TVSquad) 'Ghostbusters' Burlesque–Stay Puft In Go-Go Boots, Slimer Bares All (Asylum) ShamWow Guy Vince Shlomi Pitches Eminem Album (PopEater) 'Children Of Men' Director's CGI Epic Has 20-Min Opening Shot (FilmDrunk) Sexy Pics Of Catrinel Menghia (HolyTaco) Do You Believe In Destiny? (Unreality) Free Drake Concert Doesn't Happen, Erupts Into A Small Riot (BroBible) Chewy Cheers For The English (TotalProSports) Sex: Some Like It Hot (Maxim) Dave 'Pee Wee' Herman Talks Contract Dispute With Bellator (CagePotato) Jennifer Love Hewitt Flashes Cleavage In Attempt To Land Husband (CelebJihad) 20 Chuck Norris Motivators (Smosh) 'The Shat' Directs a Documentary About Himself (Pajiba) Johnny B. Homeless-Beer Pong Adventures (Atom) USB Typewriter (MadeMan)
Sony Pictures Animation has released the teaser trailer for The Smurfs. They desecrate Mount Rushmore. 'Nough said. Check out the teaser after the jump.
BREAKING: Cameron Diaz loooooooves c*ck.In what I'm sure wasn't in any way an attempt to boost the box office success of her upcoming film Knight & Day, Cameron Diaz spoke with Playboy about earning frequent flyer miles for c*ck, among other things. Ugh, why do celebrities make it so easy sometimes? I try to utilize my razer sharp wit, and then Diaz goes mouthing off about how she's constantly on the prowl for c*ck. She even said "C*CK." No euphemisms or anything.Check out the highlights from Movieline while I go try to find news that pushes my limits:On romance: “Oh gosh, I can’t even count how many times I’ve gotten on a plane for love. It’s not unusual in this business; my lifestyle demands it. I’m always traveling for [whispers] cock. You’ve got to go where it is.”MORE BLATANT P.R. AFTER THE JUMP.
Our hopes of seeing a vampire use his fangs to perform a Caesarean section have just gone down in flames. Screenwriter Melissa Rosenberg has informed the LA Times that Breaking Dawn's gory birthing scene will happen off-screen. Seltzer and Friedberg wouldn't pussy out like that.On the fan site, on Facebook, all the comments are "It has to be R rated! You have to show the childbirth! Gore and guts and sex!" For me it's actually more interesting to not see it. You know, you can do childbirth without seeing childbirth … it doesn't mean it's any less evocative of an experience.Yes, you can do childbirth without seeing childbirth. But when that childbirth features an accelerated pregnancy that kills the host from the inside out, causing a f*cking vampire to eat his way through the mother's stomach in order to deliver the baby, which can run around and has complete awareness, you'd better show the childbirth. But whatever. I'm not a screenwriter. If you're not going to show the delivery, don't even THINK of making us sit through the boring lamaze class scene. Those are always the same.
"Is that boy's head on fire?"Mark Neveldine and Brian Taylor, the two directors behind the tweeked-out Crank films, are negotiating to stab their hypodermic needle of creativity into the heart of the Ghost Rider sequel, entitled Ghost Rider: The Spirit of Vengeance. Nic Cage will return as Johnny Blaze, the stuntman with a serious dry scalp problem.The film needs to go into production before November or Columbia loses the rights, so who better to take a chokehold on the project than the guys who directed two movies where speed is a major component. I can't imagine the sequel to Ghost Rider could turn out any worse than the original. Neveldine and Taylor are basically getting permission to play with fire, and I fear not even the craft services table would be safe from their wrath. When Neveldine spots crafty serving up bananas foster across the stage, you know he's gonna want to bathe in those flames. (THR)
The Internet used to suck. The Internet is good for a few things besides revitalizing Betty White's career, and Middle Men is here to remind us of that. The new film is inspired by the brave heros who brought porn to the Internet, and molded it into the universe it has become. Luke Wilson stars as a businessman who helps guide the first online billing company that deals exclusively with adult entertainment. Judging from their unkempt look and sparring habits, Giovanni Ribisi and Gabriel Macht co-star as the staff of ScreenJunkies.com. Oh, I've just been told that they play the programmers who invent the billing method. I was close. Soon the trio are caught in the middle between porn stars, fabulous riches, Russian mobsters, the FBI, and Luke Wilson once again has to tangle with Mr. Henry. It's weird to see him without Rowboat. PAY SOME RESPECT TO THE INTERNET'S HERITAGE AFTER THE JUMP…
Director: George GalloCast: Luke Wilson, Giovanni Ribisi, Gabriel Macht, James CaanSynopsis: Businessman Jack Harris (Luke Wilson) had the perfect life – a beautiful family and a successful career fixing problem companies. And then he met Wayne Beering (Giovanni Ribisi) and Buck Dolby (Gabriel Macht), two genius but troubled men, who had invented the way adult entertainment is sold over the internet.Release Date: August 6, 2010
Julia Jones may not be in the twilight of her career yet but this natural beauty from Beantown will showcase her talents in two back-to-back movies this summer, Jonah Hex as a busty prostitute named Cassie and The Twilight Saga: Eclipse as she-wolf Leah Clearwater. Not bad for a former model turned actress, who was last seen in the Tarantino flophouse Hell Ride.A word from Julia: "If you try to scowl, just for four hours straight, you will start feeling pretty pissed off. I'm not kidding."Yeah because you're scowling for four hours straight. If I'm doing anything for four hours straight I'd get pissed off. Yes, even eating nachos.More pics of Julia smiling after the jump.
I'm still not sure which is more annoying, the vuvuzela or Shelley Duvall. (FYeahDementia)
"Their proteins aren't sustainable?!…" The trailer has been released for Mark Romanek's adaptation of the novel Never Let Me Go. The screenplay for the dramatic thriller was written by Alex Garland (28 Days Later, Sunshine), and is about "a group of children who spent their childhood at a seemingly idyllic English boarding school, who as they grow into young adults, they find that they have to come to terms with the strength of the love they feel for each other, while preparing themselves for the haunting reality that awaits them."
Director: Zack SnyderCast: Emilie de Ravin,Jim Sturgess, Geoffrey Rush, Abbie Cornish, Rachel TalylorSynopsis: Soren, a young barn owl, is kidnapped by owls of St. Aggie's, ostensibly an orphanage, where owlets are brainwashed into becoming soldiers. He and his new friends escape to the island of Ga'Hoole, to assist its noble, wise owls who fight the army being created by the wicked rulers of St. Aggie's. The film is based on the first three books in the series.Release Date: September 24, 2010
We avoided posting the teaser trailer for Zack Snyder's Legends of the Guardians because our managing editor Col. Hans Longshanks wasn't into it. But now he is, so here's the full-length trailer. I'm not sure what experience he had with owls in the interim that changed his mind, but he has been acting weird since he went to that sweat lodge. Or more accurately, the day he didn't notice the gas leak in his apartment. All in all, Guardians looks great. But be careful while watching. You may find yourself enjoying the soundtrack before you realize it's Thirty Seconds to Mars. Not this time, Leto! CHECK OUT THE TRAILER AFTER THE JUMP. IT HAS OWLS.
Director: Mark RomanekCast: Carey Mulligan, Keira Knightley, Sally HawkinsSynopsis: About a group of children who spent their childhood at a seemingly idyllic English boarding school, who as they “grow into young adults, they find that they have to come to terms with the strength of the love they feel for each other, while preparing themselves for the haunting reality that awaits them.Release Date: October 1, 2010
Hopefully this chair was burned after the shoot. Russell Crowe is sorry and trying to atone for his violent, dangerous past by putting his skills to use helping those who need protection and/or the use of a phone. Not in real life though. Never in real life. Despite The A-Team's belly-flop onto hard concrete this past weekend, Crowe has been attached to a remake of the vengeance-for-hire series "The Equalizer." Crowe will play Robert McCall (originated by Edward Woodward), a former secret agent determined to help those in need via a newspaper ad. I imagine this will be modernized to a Craigslist ad. Because those in need certainly always have a $2,000 laptop and a costly Verizon FiOS connection. (LA Times)
I remember it looking a lot cooler when I was eight.The much anticipated (by me) remake of The Monster Squad has come one step closer to completion with the addition of two new screenwriters. Mark and Brian Gunn (cousins, not husbands) have signed on to pen the reboot of Fred Dekker's 1987 classic.Assuming they don't totally ruin the film by going the Twilight route, it will be nice to see a vampire that wants to kill teenagers, not fall in love with them. Unless, of course, they base the Dracula character on my creepy Uncle Mike, who liked to do both. (Hollywood Reporter via Dead Central)