Like everyone else in America, I've always had to endure the boastful claims of the state of Texas. From the "Don't Mess with Texas" slogan to awful Dallas Cowboys fans to the "Steers and Queers" line in Full Metal Jacket, Texans always seem to walk around like their poo-poos don't stink. Well guess what, Tex; you're not so tough after all! Cinemark has pulled the trailer for Paramount's "Paranormal Activity 2" from several theaters in Texas after receiving numerous complaints that the promo was "too" frightening. Well look at the scared little state of Texas pissing itself in the corner over a cheesy horror movie trailer. Pathetic. Why don't you run home to your "Friday Night Lights" and your "Austin City Limits," ya pansies! (Variety)
I'll take a one-way ticket to Bangkok, please.Ferris Bueller always said Principal Rooney was a bad guy. Turns out, he was right.Actor Jeffrey Jones, best known for his roll as Principal Rooney in Ferris Bueller's Day Off, was arrested (again) for failing to register as a sex offender (again). Jones' sex-offender status stems from an incident in 2003 where the actor was caught with child pornography. He also paid a then 14-year-old boy, Cameron Frye, to pose for pornographic pictures.What makes this case so galling is that it all could have been avoided if Jones would have had enough consideration to explore his dark urges in Thailand, like a decent human being. For shame, Jeffrey. For shame.Now, please enjoy these out-of-context quotes from Jones' character in Ferris Bueller's Day Off, which are much funnier now that he's a known sex offender. (Cinema Blend)See the quotes after the jump.
Hey Jeffrey Jones, I know you are, but what am I! Pee-Wee Herman (aka Paul Reubens) has at least one last big adventure left in him now that director Judd Apatow has announced he will produce the character's return to the big screen. The news comes nearly 20 years after an unfortunate incident involving a porno theater and his own wiener left Reubens a Hollywood pariah, all but killing the Pee-Wee character. Luckily for Reubens, society has finally devolved to the point where wanking off in a seedy porno theater no longer precludes one from being a children's entertainer. "Let's face it," says Apatow, "the world needs more Pee-Wee Herman. I am so excited to be working with Paul Reubens, who is an extraordinary and ground-breaking actor and writer. It's so great to watch him return with such relevance." I agree. We need more Pee-Wee. But relevance? I'm not sure feeding off of pathetic Gen-X nostalgia counts as relevance. Unless, of course, making boatloads of cash is the same as being relevant, in which case Pee-Wee is about to become one relevant mofo. (Empire Online)
A man named Harry Hanrahan, formerly know as hh, put this little diddy together for the folks at Pajiba. It's quite an impressive montage of words you shouldn't yell at your mother. Your father's a different story.Here are your lily-livered links.Starz Cancels 'Party Down', 'Gravity' (TVSquad) What's Inside A Box Of Coca Puffs (Asylum) Don't Laugh– Ryan Seacrest Is Larry King's Best Replacement (PopEater) People Really Hate 'The Last Airbender' (FilmDrunk) Shut The F-Up, Says Your Grandma (HolyTaco) A Video Tribute To Danny 'Machete' Trejo (Unreality) 16 Things You Didn't Know About Hgh Hefner (BroBible) Trampoline Causes Gruesome Ankle Break (TotalProSports) Hottest Movie Monster Lovers (Maxim) M-1 Global's Russian Ring Girls (CagePotato) Emma Watson Gets A Badass Tattoo (CelebJihad) Twilight: A Guy's Survival Guide (Smosh) Best Cinematography Of The Last Decade (Pajiba) Footloose Remake Premieres This Thursday In LA (Atom) New Orleans Running Of The Bulls (MadeMan)
On paper The Expendables is terrible. In execution it is the most fun I've had in a movie theater for quite some time. This movie almost has it all; explosions, gratuitous violence, badasses, unnecessary motorcycle-riding montages, bad guys getting their heads kicked off, and awkward stabs at banter delivered by foreign tongues. And this new one minute cutdown of the trailer highlights all those elements. Especially the banter. Somebody in Internet add a laugh-track to this movie immediately. Somebody not me. CHECK OUT THE COMEDIC STYLINGS OF JET "SHECKY" LI AFTER THE JUMP…
Someone in Studioland got a raise today. Their suggestion to change the title of Final Destination 5 to 5nal Destination almost certainly earned them a corner office with a view of the commissary. You may be asking yourself, "What does 5nal Destination mean anyway?" It doesn't matter, you. It'll look good on a poster, and high schoolers can change it to say Anal Destination.When you go to look for the film at the video store though, assuming video stores still exist when it gets released on DVD, don't search for it in the "F's" because you won't find it there. Look for it next to the cookie dough bites. It should be reasonably discounted almost immediately. (/Film)
Director: Steven Quale
C'mon, guys. The smoke bothers his eye.Hugo Cabret, or the movie formerly known as The Invention of Hugo Cabret, has begin filming, with Martin Scorsese stationed behind a 3D camera shout-stuttering, "I-I-I wantit in my face more!" Two more actors have signed on to put it in Scorese's face. Jude Law and Ray Winstone join the already cast Sacha Baron Cohen, Ben Kingsley, Asa Butterfield, and Chloe Moretz.Christopher Lee, Helen McCrory, Frances de la Toru, and Richard Griffiths have also jumped into Hugo's sandbox. The film tells the tale of an orphan boy living a secret life in the walls of a Paris train station. He finds a broken machine and gets caught up in a magical adventure. No drugs or execution-style hits are involved, and Joe Pesci won't force himself on any women. (/Film)
A Spider-Man is born.Marc Webb and Sony have finally selected a young actor to play Peter Parker from their list of young actors not quite right for the role of Peter Parker. According to a source at Blue Sky Disney Blog, Josh Hutcherson has been offered the role in Sony's Spider-Man reboot and he has accepted. Casting has been in the works for some time and after extensive test shoots, Hutcherson has come out on top. Bear in mind that there hasn't been an official press release from the studio at this time. So if this turns out to be wrong, pick a fight with Disney's army of lawyers.Apologies to Jamie Bell, Andrew Garfield, Frank Dillane, Logan Lerman, Alden Ehrenreich, and Anton Yelchin. You guys played a good game out there, but you still lost. No victory Baskin Robbins visit for you.
Gina Gershon has always made my film reel shutter, from being the best thing in the epic disaster Showgirls to playing a mob battling lesbian ex-con Bound, she knows how to bring th sizzle back into movie screen sexy. With her current film Love Ranch she gets to be in back into her cathouse gear and amping up the cinema sweat with Joe Pesci and Helen Mirren.A word from Gina: "Actresses are nightmares. I don't hang out with any of them. That's a problem with my profession. I try not to be like an actress."Don't act. Just be. You could take some lessons from Elizabeth Berkley in Showgirls. All that floppin' and twitchin' during the pool sex scene came natural to her. More pics of anti-actress Gina after the jump.
Edgar Wright considers casting Vin Diesel.For those not in the know and too lazy to look it up, Ant-Man is a scientist who shrinks down to tiny size and controls the thoughts of ants via a special helmet. Yeah. Pretty dumb. So why is Edgar Wright making a movie about this? He undoubtedly has a golden touch, but can he turn Ant-Man into something watchable? Turns out, he hasn't given it too much thought.I haven’t actually started the second draft yet–I’m not going to be able to until this film [Scott Pilgrim] is out–but what we wrote for the first draft, and what Marvel really liked, is that it’s funny, but it’s a genre film. It’s about the level of comedy that Iron Man has. The idea is to make a high-concept genre film where it’s within another genre. His suit and its power is the big gadget and it takes place in the real world. I just wanted to do something that was slightly different than the superhero origin film. I felt that between that and the various mad scientist, crazy doctor films that we’ve all seen, this would be a way into an origin that was slightly different. I’m not really a multi-tasker–I haven’t done anything since Marvel liked our first draft.Word on the street is that Wright's first draft is amazing. I still think it's pretty dumb. Ants are really non-threatening unless you're planning to commit some kind of picnic-based heist. Or if you're lackadaisical when it comes to guarding your pee hole. And if that's the case, maybe you're just not well-suited for a life of crime. (Box Office Magazine)
The unfairly hot Ashley Greene and The Punisher Thomas Jane are in talks to join the Miley Cyrus film 'LOL'. Yes, we've come to the point where movies are being named after text message abbreviations. According to THR, "the story centers on a teenage girl (Cyrus) who is dumped by her more sexually experienced boyfriend while her divorcee mother (Demi Moore) struggles to move on with her life." Greene will play a high school bad girl, and Jane will be Cyrus' father. One problem. The movie stars Miley Cyrus, which means Disney will have a double padlock chastity belt secured on it. So Ashley Greene is playing a bad girl, but we won't get to see her do anything really bad. Such as seducing Demi Moore into some surprisingly graphic girl-on-girl action. …And now I apply the stand-by ice pack.
An early concept.Everyone is on Twitter these days. Celebrities, fake celebrities, movie humor sites, and even the manufacturer of the mask used in the Scream films. It's only a matter of time before our younger cousins teach our grandparents how to tweet. But back to RJ Torbert of FunWorld, the creator of Scream's Ghostface. He recently leaked some information about the sequel on his Twitter page, and it looks like Neve Campbell isn't the only one sporting a new look:I expect there to be 2 diff masks, however I will say this, things changing very often – difficult to say without giving it away.Sent out additional GHOSTFACE to the SET today, a very interesting opening scene.Lets just say, the town of Woodsboro, has an obsession. There is your hint.Hmmm, okay let me guess. Obsession sounds liks Obsessed. Ali Larter starred in Obsessed and "Heroes" alongside Scream 4 star Hayden Panettiere. Hayden Panettiere was a child actor who turned out hot. Oh my God. I know who the killer is. Or killers are, I should say. It's Alyssa Milano and Christine Lakin. It's so obvious. Why didn't I see this before?!! **smokes pipe backwards** (ShockTillYouDrop)
The trailer for Paranormal Activity 2 has hit the web, and it looks like one scary sonuvabitch, let me tell you! Actually, the first movie looked scary. Obviously it’s too…
It's official: Dominic Cooper will play Howard Stark in the upcoming 'Captain America' film. Although rumors have been circulating about Cooper's involvement since May, Marvel did not send the official press release until yesterday. It's kind of like how you know your girlfriend is going to leave you for that guy at the gym, but she hasn't yet packed up her stuff.As I wrote in May, Howard Stark is a Howard Hughes-esq inventor and the founder of Stark Industries, the company later inherited by his son Tony (a.k.a. Iron Man). Assuming no one has changed the Wikipedia page from which I grabbed it, that information should still be accurate. (Collider)
For those of you who can't wait for the upcoming remake of Conan the Barbarian, we have just the thing to hold you over. Behold, Conan the Barbarian: The Musical! Sing along to such classics as "Crom" and "Hear the Lamentation of the Women." Well, it's actually all one song, but I needed to fill some space. Watch Conan the Barbarian: The Musical after the jump.
I weep for theater seats this weekend.Control yourself over these links. The Whitest Kids U'Know Are Back (TVSquad) The Nastiest Quotes From Critics Trashing 'Grown Ups' (Asylum) Kim Kardashian Will Be Made Of Wax (PopEater) The Breakfast Fight Club (FilmDrunk) 25 Videos Of Hot Chicks Who Love Video Games (HolyTaco) 15 Cool Pictures Of Famous People With Animals (Unreality) British Kids Recreate 'Goodfellas' In Just 60 Seconds (BroBible) Cute Girl Faceplants Off Bike And Into Creek (TotalProSports) 100 Twitter Accounts Every Guy Should Follow (Maxim) MMA Loses Another Battle In New York (CagePotato) Justin Bieber's Tips For Surviving Puberty (CelebJihad) Free Condoms For Kids (Smosh) 20 Directors' Post-Failure Careers (Pajiba) Another Adventre With Stay-At-Home Dad(Atom) Secret Sexy Russian Spy Arrested (MadeMan)
If you wouldn't mind being one of the coolest people in existence, and you have in your possession $35k, you should probably buy a functioning, street legal Tron Legacy lightcycle. The guys who built the Batpod replica are making only five and selling them on eBay:The Parker Brothers team is building 5 custom one off "Lightcycles" to the exact specs of the movie bikes. Each bike will be black with an accent color – 5 bikes with 5 different accent colors (red, blue, yellow, green, and orange). Unlike the "Batpod" replica, the "Lightcycle" is being built for everyday street use. Each bike will come with a manufacterers build sheet and a certificate of title with purchase. Each bike will come with either a high powered electric motor or a high performance gasoline motor and transmission depending on the buyers needs. Be the envy of everyone who sees this bike as it will make motorcycles as you now know them seem like antiques on the road. No future "Lightcycles" will be made to ensure the value of these custom motorcycles in the coming years.The back cover opens up at the push of a button and there is a neon glow that exits from the back of the bike to resemble the lightcycles colored light trail from the original game. These bikes will also come with a TRON style helmet (Not DOT Approved).Can you even imagine rolling up on your lightcycle at the local frozen yogurt joint? You'd strut to the counter with your helmet on, the customers starring in awe, and demand a Daft Punk sundae. The pizza-faced employee wouldn't know what that is, but he'd have to make it for you anyway because you own a f*cking lightcycle. You get Daft Punk sundaes whenever you damn well please. (Geekologie)
Andy Serkis will be suiting up in weird, wirey crap once again to play Caesar, the chief chimp in charge of the Rise of the Apes. This should be a breeze for Serkis having worked extensively with motion capture to portray Gollum in the Lord of the Rings trilogy, the 25-foot gorilla in King Kong, and Captain Haddock in Spielberg's Tintin.I'm really interested to see what WETA comes up with for this film. Now that I know it will be Serkis making raspberries and throwing his poop around (generally known as pulling a Kiefer Sutherland), I'm much more interested. But what of Hollywood's animal actors? It looks like they will be completely frozen out of this production. I just don't have the heart to tell Buckaroo. He's already blown his anticipated earnings on that lavish banana hill.Poor bastard. (via Cinema Blend)
I remember my dad taking me on the original King Kong ride at Universal Studios Florida. It wasn’t a big deal, just a monsterous hydraulic monkey shaking your tram around. The cool part about it was it transported you to a world only seen on the screen, or at least someone made their best effort to put you there. Then you could bond with your dad over movies he was too old for and you were too young for.
When a fire on the Universal backlot destroyed the California equivalent of that ride, it became a mixed blessing. The new, revamped, bigger, badder King Kong 360 3-D was designed by Peter Jackson, based on his 2005 remake of the movie. Universal Studios premiered the ride, which opens this summer, with a Kong themed party on the backlot. There were snakes and monkeys and tigers from the Wildlife Waystation, tribal drummers and free trams through the new attraction.
John Moore (Max Payne) wants to direct a 3D adaptation of the History Channel reality series "Ice Road Truckers." Taylor Lautner bailed on his Northern Lights aviation project, and now Moore says, "F*ck planes. I want big rigs." Him and a writer that he wouldn't name (because of the Russians) pitched a take to Fox studios that made their genitals tingle. That's usually the precursor to a greenlight. "It is very much a tough guy movie," Moore said. "Here's a bunch of characters who tackle problems by getting in there and getting things done. We'll turn it into a mission movie that harkens back to Towering Inferno, Jaws, or The Guns of Navarone. You got a problem, go solve it."So characters will be going into places and doing stuff and overcoming obstacles and then coming out of the places they went into, but in the cold and with 18-Wheelers carrying supplies for diamond miners and in 3D. I honestly have nothing snarky to say about that. Sounds like a good idea that's rife with conflict. Add ice to anything and chances of a fail increase exponentially. It's science. Or a smoothie. (Deadline)
I recently posted a faaaaar out teaser for Rango which turned out to be a teaser for the website. Now Paramount has released the official trailer. The film stars Johnny Depp as a Hunter S. Thompson look-a-like chameleon with an identity crisis. The trailer has me just as baffled as the Inception trailer. Screenwriter John Logan might have been tripping off computer duster whippets while pounding away at this adventure. Ideas don't just come out on their own, right John? **Whoosh of air** Rango is directed by Gore Verbinski, who did the awesome Mousehunt, as well as those Caribbean Pirates movies. Befriending and/or beguiling Depp in the film are Isla Fisher, Alfred Molina, Timothy Olyphant, and Bill Nighy. Rango scampers into theaters March 18, 2011. Check out the trailer after the jump…
Bai Ling is the kind of female actress you like if your into pixie thin asian girls and S&M. While she blends her career with politically active movies like Red Corner to creepy exotic leather clad characters in The Crow and Crank 2: High Voltage, she will always be my go to tweeker asian actress. Ling can be seen in the cathouse drama Love Ranch opposite Helen Mirren and Joe Pesci, where she plays a kleptomaniac prostitute. Dime a dozen!A word from Bai: “I worked with a wild leopard, who bit me. But I kept on working with him, because I have a wild side. I think I was an animal in a previous life.”If it helps you to work with a leopard by thinking you were once a leopard, then by all means remain delusional. More pics of past animal Bai after the jump.
Megan Fox and Brian Austin Green, a.k.a. David Silver, got married. Everybody settle. I said EVERYBODY. SETTLE. The couple have been dating on-and-off since 2004, and decided to tie the knot last week in Hawaii. With Fox booted off of Transformers 3 and Brian Austin Green being Brian Austin Green, they really had nothing better to do that day. My apologies go out to all the delusional guys who thought in some distant universe they had a chance with Megan. Someone get Rose Kid on suicide watch. (TMZ)
When the plug was pulled on Miramax last year, a few films were sent to the dreaded Disney Vault with little hope of every seeing the light of day. But there is good news for horror fans today. Don't Be Afraid of the Dark, the Guillermo del Toro-penned and Troy Nixey-directed R-rated remake of the 70's TV movie classic, will break free from its imprisonment. No longer will it be forced to pay protection money to such D-Vault tough-asses as Tinker Bell and the Fairy Prince and Tigger's Eighth Movie.The remake stars Guy Pearce and Katie Holmes as a couple who are placed at risk when Pearce's daughter accidentally unleashes malevolent creatures in the old mansion they've just moved into. Given the R-rating and del Toro's involvement, this could shape up to be pretty creepy. Though I'm sure Mike Tyson left things far scarier behind when he abandoned his mansion. (EW)
Between waiting for the stars of the film to walk the red carpet last week (to get their babies signed), to camping out for the best seats in the house for Wednesday's theatrical debut of Eclipse, Twilight fans (or Twihards) really have the world on a string.
Think about it, if any of us were to obsess about, say, Princess Leia action figures, we'd be bouncing off the walls of our padded cell. But these fans have things figured out, and even if a few "bad apples" have been tagging walls with book quotes and arraigned for attempted murder, they're still accepted in society.
But, they're not all criminally deranged. So we wanted to set the record straight, and shed light on this cultural phenomena that has taken over so many of our women.
With the runaway success of The Karate Kid, I can understand the push to get more rappers and rapper's progeny in kung fu-based situations, but don't sacrifice the quality of cinema to do so. The grainy footage you'll see below the jump of karate guys jumping around is two trailers for Wu-Tang Vs. The Golden Pheonix, a ten year passion project from The Wu-Tang Clan's chief producer RZA. I know he was going for a certain aesthetic (not spending much money) but I'm afraid RZA's setting himself up for a fall. I'd hate to be there when he's informed that the create-your-own-Grindhouse trailer contest ended years ago and the top prize went to Hobo With A Shotgun. He'll be so upset he'll probably hit the messenger with a bo staff before shooting him with lightning fingers. WATCH SOME GUYS TIRE OUT THEIR ARMS AFTER THE JUMP…
More X-Men: First Class news. Caleb Landry Jones is reportedly the odds-on favorite to win the role of Banshee (Sean Cassidy) in the upcoming prequel. For those of you who don't know, Jones is the kid on the bike at the end of No Country for Old Men.Why do I know his name? I happen to have an entire wall of my apartment devoted to pictures of young blond actors I cut out of magazines, including a few pics of a certain Caleb Landry Jones.What do you mean, creepy? It's not sexual or anything; they're just so pretty! Jeez, you sound like my girlfriend…god, how I hate her. (LatinoReview)
Warner Bros. is putting together a writing/directing team for a film based on the popular children's toy, Legos, Coming Soon is reporting. Phil Lord and Chris Miller, the duo behind Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs, have been tasked with bringing the building blocks to life.Although few details have emerged, the film is being described as an "action adventure set in a LEGO world." While some might decry the idea as yet another example of Hollywood running out of original ideas, I, for one, welcome the Lego movie. It brings my childhood dream of seeing Connect Four on the big screen one step closer.
If you've ever wondered what it would be like to have an AT-AT for a pet, look no further than this short film, AT-AT Day Afternoon. Like we all suspected, they poop Jabbas. (FilmDrunk)These links want your affection.'Twilight: Eclipse' Photoshop Contest (HolyTaco) Why Do I Keep Watching: 'Entourage' (TVSquad) Hot Girls Tell You The Time On Japanese Mobile App (Asylum) Susan Saradon To Film Ping-Pong Reality Show (PopEater) Mentos & Diet Coke Revive Dead, French Clown (FilmDrunk) The Sexiest Eyes In Hollywood (Unreality) 100 Best Free Porn Sites (BroBible) This Gymnasitcs Freakout Is A Must See (TotalProSports) 6 Ways To Ruin A Home Shopping Segment (Maxim) Rematch In Russia Rocky Balboa-Style (CagePotato) Mel Gibson's Knuckle Punch Drunk-Love(CelebJihad) Bad Fashions We Should All Stop Wearing (Smosh) Part 'Zodiac', Part 'Pi' Movie Trailer (Pajiba) Luke Trips And Dies (Atom) Datamancer's Stylish New Keyboards (MadeMan)