Movies - Page 493

Jesus I want that bike and those shorts and that shirt and that TV.

That's right bitch, try to run from me and I'm going to BODY CHECK YOU THROUGH A CHAIN LINK FENCE. Then I'm going to fly tackle you off a roof, smash a car, and put a gun in your face. ITS HARD TO TALK WITH A GUN IN YOUR MOUTH, ISN'T IT? HUH!?? SEE, YOU CAN'T EVEN SAY YES. Fast and Furious = BADASS.

Here's your morning news links from our trusted, if not somewhat perverted friends.CASTING HUNTER S. THOMPSON’S RUM DIARY (Filmdrunk)R.I.P. Prison Break (Pajiba)McG responds to Bay’s bitchin’(Filmonic)Crank 2 and Outlander Movie Posters (/Film)Fresh Prince Of Bell Air To Venture 20,000 Leagues Under Sea (Joblo)Karate Kid Remake Just Got A Dose Of Retarded Awesome (Playlist) 

Those kids in Norway LOVE that death metal. So much that they can almost scream to the point of making themselves puke their lunch (herring salad) onto their knee high lace up leather boots. I give the dude an E for effort. I would give him an A if the competition was to sound like a half-retarded cat caught in a wood-chipper.Thanks to Stan for the tip.

A few weeks back our fellow inmates at Holy Taco posted the Predator Rap. Now, as a followup, here's the official To Catch A Predator Rap. Kudos to these MC's.

It's cool that Neil Patrick Harris is able to poke fun at himself. I'd imagine it came from a meeting with an agent sometime in his early twenties where an Ari Gold type said "Listen. You can either die being known as a pussy little boy genius douche on that shit storm of a crap show or you can listen to what I say and let the world know how much you love hookers and blow. It's your career, jerkwad."

Synopsis: An elite group of soldiers on a covert mission to retrieve a scientist from an underground lab encounter an ancient evil in the facility.Cuba Gooding Jr: Probably has some gambling debt to pay off.

I didn't get the point of Gran Torino. I also don't get the point when racist old people ramble about how discontent they are with what the world has become. But much like Gran Torino, I enjoy the every-loving hell out of watching them do it.

Our pals at FOD just sent this over. There are some pretty damn funny parts. Im going to leave my office right now and go Bacon the ever living hell out of some unsuspecting people who deserve it. Also, I REALLY hope they make one of these with Gary Busey as soon as he is through shooting his current project for A&E entitled "I Am Bat Shit Crazier Than A Crap House Rat." It's a docudrama.

I missed my screener for Gran Tornio, so I can't give you my personal opinion of the flick. But word on the street is that it's a solid film, so it leads our list of recommendations for the weekend. There are also a few more worth checking out that do NOT involve Clint Eastwood growling racial slurs at minorities.

Note the excellent usage of GNR's Sweet Child Of Mine. Took me a second to realize what I was listening to. I particularly like the contrast between silky, feminine vocals and a dude getting his dome microwaved. I'm always in for a good revenge flick where good people are capable of doing gruesome things. This one might be just that.

You know when you put your hand in something really disgusting and you want to make other people smell it? That what Worst Of The Week is about. I get dog crap on my internet eyeballs and have to show it to others.  But instead of actual excrement, it's a clip or a trailer from a movie that  just should not have been made. A cinematic turd that makes you question why some people work so hard to make such garbage.  This weeks video is a beautiful little gem called Salvaging Space. And looks really, really bad.

This weekemd you have the choice of watching a creepy devil child try to inhabit a beautiful brunette, or a grizzled old Eastwood battling some gangsters. Along with that, you have the premiere of the 7th season of 24, which will be awesome. The Unborn The Unborn Trailer 2 – Watch more Movie Trailer

From what I can tell by this poster, revenge is in fact coming. And it will be arriving on June 26th of this year, and it will have red eyes that look like they are back-lit by the bonfires of HELL. I'm not sure the best way to prepare for it, but I'm guessing everybody needs to be ready for SOME F'ING AWESOME EXPLOSIONS AND FIGHTING ROBOTS. Invest in fire extinguisher stocks, wash you're awesome-proof vest, and buy some new helmet polish: S$%& JUST GOT REAL. Here's some more news that we've been following.   

A team of mercenaries head to South America on a mission to overthrow a dictator.Director: Sylvester StalloneCast: Sylvester Stallone, Dolph Lundgren, Forest Whitaker, Mickey Rourke, Jet Li, Jason Statham, Randy Couture (!)Release: 2010

Title: The Slammin' Salmon Director: Kevin Heffernan Cast: Michael Clarke Duncan, Kevin Heffernan, Steve Lemme, Paul Soter, Erik Stolhanske Synopsis: Former heavyweight boxing champ, Cleon Salmon, is the celebrity owner of an upscale Miami restaurant. In debt to the Yakuza, the Champ “inspires” his waitstaff with a one-night-only contest: Top selling waiter gets $10,000; lowest selling waiter gets his face punched in by the Champ himself. Genre: Comedy Release Date: January 17, 2009

Ninja Assassin follows Raizo (Rain), one of the deadliest assassins in the world. Taken from the streets as a child, he was transformed into a trained killer by the Ozunu Clan, a secret society whose very existence is considered a myth. But haunted by the merciless execution of his friend by the Clan, Raizo breaks free from them and vanishes. Now he waits, preparing to exact his revenge.Director: James McTeigueRelease Date: July 29th, 2009Rating: N/A 

Generation Kill was the single most badass TV show of last year because it showed the totally f'd up circumstances that Marines had to deal with in Iraq. It had everything that a show needs. This movie seems similar, specifically with IED's. Here's the official synopsis:Forced to play a dangerous game of cat-and-mouse in the chaos of war, an elite Army bomb squad unit must come together in a city where everyone is a potential enemy and every object could be a deadly bomb.This movie is on my list of most anticipated films of 2009. No word on the release date as of yet. We'll keep you posted, Grunt.

Title: Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun Li Director: Andrzej Bartkowiak Cast: Michael Clarke Duncan, Kristin Kreuk, Moon Bloodgood, Neal McDonough, Chris Klein Synopsis: A live-action Street Fighter film that focuses on the origins of Chun Li and her quest for justice. How goofy is her helicopter kick going to look? This movie hits in February but we've yet to see an English-language trailer. Genre: Action & Adventure Release Date: February 27, 2009

Josh Brolin and Jeffery Wright were cleared of any wrongdoing in a bar fight that happened last july in Louisiana during the filming of W. TMZ has a video which we posted after the jump. The controversy surrounding the arrest stems from Wright being tased. Now, having seen this video, I kind of understand why they did it. He's putting up a bit of a fight as the cops try to cuff him, while Brolin bascally chills on his knees. I mean seriously, bros have gotten the blue shock treatment for WAY less, especially in the South. That and more in  our morning news.

Synopsis: Luc Besson writes this follow-up to his 2004 Parcours-based film Banlieue 13 (District 13 here in the US). In the year 2010 the worst ghettos in Paris have been walled off. The French have decided to bomb Banlieue 13 out of existence. The first film was heralded for it's kinetic action scenes and the sequel looks to have more of the same. Releases Feb 18th in France. US release is TBD.

We are still in the days of TV experimentation, and tonight just may be the riskiest decision. Yep, we're watching Knight Rider, because it's been written up as being "nothing more than car-porn," or being "so delectably bad that you have to watch it just to tell your grandchildren that you were there," and because tonight's episode involves rescuing Vanessa Williams from terrorists. To cleanse the palate, VH1 is offering the 40 greatest pranks of all-time.

Defiance is an amazing story that suffers from a poor telling. It is mired in heavy handedness, never freeing itself to be anything other than a tale of revenge. With that said, there are some totally sweet battle sequences and good tough guy-ness on the part of Craig and Schreiber that make the movie a decent view.

Three Jewish brothers escape from Nazi-occupied Poland into the Belarussian forest, where they join Russian resistance fighters and endeavor to build a village in order to protect themselves and others in danger.

This recent addition of Randy Couture to the cast of Expendables put the movie in the running for an Oscar in the categories of Broken Arms, One Punch Knock Outs, Roundhouses, and maybe even Spinning Pile Drivers. With Mickey Rourke joining, the film will surely be in contention for Best Comeback, Best Supporting Steroid Habit, and Creative Accomplishment in the Category of Human Growth Hormone. This movie is going to be sweet. That and more in your morning news.

Synopsis: Former heavyweight boxing champ, Cleon Salmon, is the celebrity owner of an upscale Miami restaurant. In debt to the Yakuza, the Champ “inspires” his waitstaff with a one-night-only contest: Top selling waiter gets $10,000; lowest selling waiter gets his face punched in by the Champ himself. Release date is TBD.

This an exciting time for television afficionados. Yeah you're going to have to wait another two weeks for Lost or Battlestar Gallactica, so why not dabble in some new shows, right? Come on, its the 90's! If you're not the adventurous type, theres a retrospective Star Trek 25th Anniversary followed by Shatner's Raw Nerve with special guest…Spock! Homeland Security USA 8/7c on ABC Robert Deniro,Homeland Security – Watch more Free Videos

It seems like we get more Watchmen footage every week. At this rate we will have seen the entire movie by the time it's released. Which will be in 2012 because of the drag-out legal battle between studios over rights.  Why does Hollywood always insist in getting in the way of our entertainment? And here's another thing: Why do the Japanese get new scenes in their trailers? I get SO angry at Hollywood for being un American. Commies. Hollywood: I'm watching you.  

I would have a LOT of trouble competing in this event because I would just stop on the first girl and lay there. I'm saying this from experience. Man, I really miss college.

I use Comcast because of the no-contracts thing, so I have no idea how direct TV works. But I like the idea of being able to use my computer to pick what I want to record. One of the biggest problems with the interface I use is that searching for shows requires entering in words one letter at a time using the remote, kind of like registering a high score in an old school arcade game. I thought this commercial was actually OK. Very subtle. The future of TV is only going to be integrating it with your computer until they are the same entity (I know, BOLD prediction). My suggestion is that Comcast implement this feature and get the Dark Knight to explain how it works.