Jedi drunk with power. There should be an aptitude test administered before such a title is granted. And I'm not talking about the physical abilities section. I'm talkin' Scantron, analogies, that crap. Otherwise you're going to graduate a slew of Jedi who pretend their lightsabers are dicks. (BuzzFeed)May these links be with you. Career Watch: Gerard Butler (Moviefone)How You Search for Boobs (Asylum)Heidi Montag's Surgery Obsession (PopEater)25 Awesome Motorcycle Helmets (HolyTaco)'Groundhog Day' Reimagined as a Crappy Rom-Com (FilmDrunk)15 Awesome Cyborg Animals (Unreality)When Bobsledding and Skateboarding Collide (TotalProSports)10 Best Donuts in America (Maxim)Daley Serves Koscheck at Pre-Fight Press Conference (CagePotato)Rihanna Butt Pics Collection (CelebJihad)15 Most Bizarre College Courses (Smosh)Blockbusters, Leading Actors, Undressed (Pajiba)10 Indie Awesome Comedies You Missed (MadeMan)NASCAR Skydiver Crashes (AllLeftTurns)20 Sexy Latinas (RegretfulMorning)
Variety reports FOX will release prequel Rise of the Apes on June 24, 2011, with Rupert Wyatt confirmed to direct. In a lie I just made up, he promised me he wouldn't cast Marky Mark or Helena Bonham Carter in any of the roles. Oooo Burton burn. Rise of the Apes is "an origins story set in present-day San Francisco. The film is a reality-based cautionary tale, where man's own experiments with genetic engineering lead to the development of intelligence in apes and the onset of a war for supremacy." When you play God with monkeys you get talking monkeys that can do math and read. Those skills alone make them superior to the average American!Peter Jackson's visual effects company WETA Digital will handle all of the effects on the film. They will render, for the first time ever in the film series, photo-realistic apes rather than costumed actors. Hmmmm, interesting (strokes sparse-haired chin). I hope they consider intermixing some practical effects as well. You really can't beat the realism of the apes in Congo.Stop playing God, Dylan Baker!!!
Kerry Washington starred in Ray alongside Jamie Foxx, who went on to win an Oscar. She then starred in The Last King of Scotland alongside Forest Whitaker, who went on to win an Oscar. Hey, male leads, you might want to look into working with Kerry. A word from Kerry: "I don't ever want to play a black prostitute."Then I suggest you keep getting acting gigs. More pics of the classy Kerry after the jump.
"Is your refrigerator runnin'?! J'amon!" Apparently Michael Jackson and Russell Crowe used to be the best of pals. After L.A. Confidential the two become very close, I assume because of their mutual adoration for Jerky Boys albums, and Jackson would often prank-call Crowe. The former gladiator told GQ UK, "A gruff voice would say something was wrong, then this tiny little voice said, ‘Don't worry. This is Michael."Don't worry?! That's when the worrying begins! I'd prefer a loan shark with emphysema and straight razors for hands than Michael Jackson. It's just a good thing Crowe wasn't in the same room. The Sorry, Wrong Number scenerio would have ended with a rotary phone embedded in the King of Pop's skull. (Vulture)
Kristen Wiig is ready to make repetitive funny noises in full THX Pro Cinema Sound. The "Saturday Night Live" star has shelled out her hard-earned MacGruber dough to option and adapt Monica Drake's novel Clown Girl. She's got her eye on the lead role of Nita aka Sniffles the Clown, a street fair entertainer struggling to make ends meet while trying to resist the lure of selling her body to clown fetishists.There are clown fetishists? THAT'S SICK! **He says as he scrubs grease paint out of his boxers** (Deadline)
They're linked like E.T. and Elliott.We were excited when we heard that J.J. Abrams would be tipping his hat to the early films of Steven Spielberg for his next directorial project. Only because we were certain we'd see an alien shark that hunts treasure. Apparently, that's NOT the case though.Turns out that his soon-to-premiere super secret-double-probationary teaser for Super 8 is not a Cloverfield sequel or prequel or squeekquel after all. It's a teaser for the joint he's doing with Spielberg. The one that doesn't feature any Nazi-killing alien sharks./Film has a source who saw the teaser and provided an in-depth description. I've posted it after the jump along with an EXCLUSIVE screen cap. Don't get mad at me if the information turns out to be wrong. I'm just telling you what a guy heard from another guy.TEASER SYNOPSIS AND SCREEN CAP AFTER THE JUMP…
Let your imagination do the rest.
Hells Angels founding member Sonny Barger OR Mickey Rourke circa 1994?In addition to Potsdamer Platz, Mickey Rourke is circling another Tony Scott project, and he's circling this one menacingly on a motorcycle while yelling hate speech. Typical Mickey.Rourke is up for the role of the outlaw Sonny Barger in Hells Angels, a script that Scott has been developing for ten years. Now, Scott Frank has been brought in to rework the script that tells the story of a young cop who infiltrates the nefarious gang. This is spot-on casting. I can't think of a single actor more appropriate than Mickey Rourke for the grizzled Hells Angels founder. You could have a motorcycle growing out of your ass, and Mickey Rourke would still be more appropriate for the role. (Deadline)
There have been montages of mirror scares and company arriving in film, and now our friends at Pajiba have put together one of characters shouting, "Get out of there!" They may have managed to find the line in every movie ever made. Kudos, Guys. Now clean up your bags of Late Night Tacos Doritos and get some shut eye. And then GET THE HELL OUT OF THERE! (Pajiba)
Have you seen this man? Well, people across the world have seen him randomly in their dreams and I don't just mean ladies looking for a good time. Deadline reports that Bryan Bertino (The Strangers) is teaming up with Sam Raimi's Ghost House Pictures to bring this man's story to the screen.In This Man, the protagonist learns that he has been appearing in the nightmares of complete strangers. Ghost House has purchased the rights to www.thisman.org, a real website created by an Italian sociologist who has been tracking this real-life phenomenon. Insiders are referring to it as "a hair raising story that will be sure to delight horror fans.”Also delighted? Inevitable leading man Todd Barry.
I'm writing this one through gritted teeth, fellas. Below the jump we have a brief look at Steven R. Monroe's remake of the castration classic, I Spit on Your Grave. Sarah Butler stars as a woman who is attacked and sexually assaulted in the dead of night. She manages to escape and returns to take revenge on her attackers in shockingly vicious ways. Like, catching a fat guy in a bear trap. Or lopping off a guy's unit with a pair of rusty garden shears. Wouldn't a more fitting (preferable) punishment be to rape him? Eye for an eye and all. This lady's got issues. (Apple) Put a book on your lap and watch the trailer after the jump…
Official.We've got official coming out of our asses today. So much official I decided to compile it all into one officially official post. Wookie, cue the official music! **Cue Salt n' Pepa**Kick-Ass director Matthew Vaughn is officially directing X-Men: First Class and 20th Century Fox has officially set a June 3rd, 2011 release date. The film will center on Charles Xavier and Erik Lensherr before they took the names Professor X and Magneto, and they were just two young men discovering their powers for the first time. And chillin'. Breaking Dawn, the final (yaaay!) film in the The Twilight Saga, has nabbed the official release date of November 18, 2011. It's recommended that Twi-Hards starting lining up at theaters after band practice and their orthodontist appointments today. A favorite film at Sundance this year, Cyrus, will officially open in select theaters on June 18, 2010. Jonah Hill will face off against himself, as Get Him to the Greek also opens that same day. Can theaters safely contain that much Jonah?Whew. Now THAT'S official, yo. (/Film,/Film,/Film)
It looks like John McClane won't retire from the murdering people in ridiculous ways business anytime soon. The super cop, who was last seen surfing on a jet, is being given another go-'round by 20th Century Fox. The studio is in talks with A-Team screenwriter Skip Woods to pen a fifth adventure for Bruce Willis's iconic ass-kicker.Woods is the only appropriate choice to write this film. McClane has already killed terrorists with icicles, giant fans, and gravity on a few occasions. Not to mention the time he killed a helicopter by launching a car at it. Who better to team him with than the writer responsible for a tank fighting a jet miles above the earth? I'm going to be sorely disappointed if this film doesn't have Bruce Willis tie the muzzle of a rifle into a bow so that it explodes in the gunman's hands. That's clearly the direction Fox wants to go in. (THR)
For Cinco de Mayo, Robert Rodriguez dropped a package off at the home of his AICN homies, and it turned out to be the "illegal" trailer for Machete hidden underneath a pound of tamales. Alright, I'm not certain about the tamales, but it's how I deliver all of MY packages.
Peter and Michael Spierig, the directors of Daybreakers and Unwatchable Undead, have been hired for a sequel to 1982's most child-brain-scarring puppet film The Dark Crystal. A press release from The Henson Company announced that the film will stay true to its puppetry roots and resist the overuse of CGI. But don't worry. It will be presented in price-gouging 3D. Which scares the crap out of me.I saw this film over 25 years ago and I still can't socialize properly or sleep through the night. I'm still haunted by nightmares where monsters pull their eyeballs out and attack elves that look like Julian Lennon. Now that Power of the Dark Crystal is on its way, I'll more than likely go full-on shed-living recluse. Guess I'd better start getting use to the taste of squirrel and other rodents. **dials Zen Chinese Kitchen** (Henson)
On-set romances always end badly.James Van Der Beek will soon have another poster to add to his fictitous wall. For his next project, Steven Spielberg will send a horse to war. The Saving Private Ryan director optioned Michael Morpurgo's novel War Horse, a story about a horse on the front lines of World War I as he inspires his platoon and longs to return to the farm on which he was raised.I'm really looking forward to the inevitable scene where the horse shows the other soldiers a photograph of the philly he's gonna marry back home. Movies like this always have those. (Variety)
Perfect. Lindsay Lohan is officially set to play 70s porn star icon/oral pleasure pioneer Linda Lovelace in the biopic Inferno. The film's producer Walid Razaqi confirmed that Lohan secured the part, and that they'll be an official announcement at the Cannes Film Festival. Razaqi stated, "For at least a year, the director and I have gone back and forth imagining how awesome of a performance she could give if she was in the movie." Please be more specific, Walid. Were you guys hangin' down in the basement, passing the Sunny D and discussing Lohan's depth and range as an actor, or did one of you casually hold up a banana and say, "I bet Lindsay Lohan could take all of this."This isn't the first racy project Lohan has taken on since she entered Phase 2 of career suicide. She attempted to get asses in the seats again by playing a stripper in I Know Who Killed Me, and she'll appear topless in Machete just for the hay of it. Deep Throat seemed like a sensible next step. (LATimes)
Anya Monzikova is a textbook example of why Russian chicks are so ungodly hot. Growing up in Florida, she got her start modeling for various lingerie magazines until finally making her way into television modeling in shows such as "Deal or No Deal."A word from Anya: "I just stayed home watching TV and learning english by watching Sesame Street!"Only downside, no dirty talk during sex. Unless you're willing to learn a few new words, yes? Brush up on your Russian with more pics after the jump.
I'm only writing about this because I REALLY wanted to put together the above photoshop. Patrick Dempsey and Jamie Kennedy are maybe going to be a part of Transformers 3. Random much? Michael Bay must just be shouting out the names of people he sees on TV now. I'm sure Can't Buy Me Love and Scream were playing back-to-back on some network this past weekend.Depending on where you translate the interview that Dempsey gave to Brazilian website BOH it either says:“I start filming later this month in “Transformers 3″, which I play a character who is far more “dark” than others.”or:"Chicken patty sandwich."Don't ask me, I don't speak Portuguese.Jamie Kennedy told 8KUPD Arizona (he got interviewed by a license plate?) that he “had an interesting interview with the people behind the new Transformers movie and I may have a role in the movie.”More Transformers 3 casting news to come, but I really don't see it getting anymore exciting than this, people. (/Film)
It's been roughly a year since J.J. Abrams teased us mercilessly, so I'd say we're about due. It's being reported that Hollywood's sneakiest man is attaching a secret trailer for Super 8 to prints of Iron Man 2 this weekend. You might ask, what is Super 8? You being me, of course. What is Super 8?Hit Fix is saying that it's the rumoured sequel to Cloverfield. Or it could be the other secret J.J. Abrams project 500 Rads. Or it could be some dusty, old super 8 footage that Abrams found at a swapmeet. If anyone could make someone's unwanted home movie a hit, it would be Abrams.At any rate, now we all have a good reason to go see this "Iron Guy" movie that we've heard so little about.
Over the years, movies have given us a trippy cornucopia of moments of drug use on screen. Most of it is used to amplify your mind in an another world or dream-like sequence, and this experience can be scary, hilarious, or even both at times. Yet which movies out of the thousands have done the most damage to our psyche? Like an acid flashback that won't abate, today we are going to 11 and listing the best drug scenes movies have to deal. TRAINSPOTTING The floor has officially trapped you while ODing from a dirty batch of smack.
Pew. Pew. Pew Pew. Pew.John Favreau has rebounded since his man-crush, Robert Downey Jr., was forced to drop out of Cowboys & Aliens. His solution, of course, was to bring in his vice man-crush. Sam Rockwell will join the already cast Daniel Craig, Olivia Wilde, and Harrison Ford as Doc, a bar owner who joins the fight against the alien threat.The role was originally tailored for a heavyset man but when Vince Vaughn became unavailable, it was rewritten for Rockwell. (THR)
Someone created a Tumblr called ViolentJIsJohnGoodman. Makes sense. I bet he at least knows how magnets work.F*ckin' links, how do they work?Remembering Lynn Redgrave (Moviefone)10 Things You Should Never Say to a Lesbian (Asylum)Obama Had Help from 'Daily Show' Writers (PopEater)25 Sweet Food Sculptures (HolyTaco)Roman Polanski Is Terrible at PR (FilmDrunk)5 Classic Non-Regular Character Seinfeld Moments (Unreality)Now This Is One Excited Fan! (TotalProSports)Horse Name or Sex Act? (Maxim)Thiago Silva to Face Tim Boetsch at UFC 117 (CagePotato)Hayden Panettiere and Her BF (CelebJihad)Teletubbies Gone Wild (Smosh)A Downey Jr. Backlash? Inconceivable! (Pajiba)Cinco de Mayo: Arizona-Style (Atom)Best Theme Hotels on the Planet (MadeMan)Richmond Brings NASCAR Back to Par (AllLeftTurns)
Hollywood seems to have an obsession with assassins, and this teaser trailer for The American only further proves that point. George Clooney plays a soul-searching gun-for-hire hiding out in Italy for one last job. A last job he's of course being coerced into completing. There are pretty women (who can't be trusted), a priest (who can't help ease Clooney's suffering), and surprisingly a lack of alcohol. C'mon, an assassin who's NOT an alcoholic? I don't buy it, Hollywood. I bet we're going to see a bottle of Jim Beam in the full trailer or the pistol in my desk drawer isn't stained with orphan blood. The film is directed by Anton Corbijn, whose last film Control profiled Ian Curtis, the lead singer of Joy Division, who commited suicide. Soooo he does bummer movies. Check out the trailer after the jump. The American hits theaters September 7, 2010.
Director: Anton CorbijnCast: George ClooneySynopsis: An assassin hides out in Italy for one last assignment.Release Date: September 1, 2010
This is Matthew Vaughn's Johnny Vaughan's excited face.X-Men: First Class is a dream project for most up-and-coming directors working nowadays. Matthew Vaughn was in talks to take the gig but those talks broke down, causing Hollywood's hottest to pig pile on the property. But now it turns out their writhing and hair-pulling was all for naught, as Matthew Vaughn has sauntered in and taken back the crown. Too bad too. Samuel Bayer ended up getting a pretty bad finger jammy in the melee.The man who McLovin described as a "dick" is in final talks to close the deal. If this all comes together, expect to see Ice Man bang out the chalkboard erasers later this fall. (Deadline)
Scarlett Johansson is known for her curvy physique, unique film choices, and popularity with celebrity men. She's hooked up with Benecio Del Toro, Jared Leto, Derek Jeter, and Josh Hartnett. I guess husband Ryan Reynolds isn't bothered by these transgressions. Yes, even Josh Hartnett. A word from Scarlett: "One of the best things for a woman to hear is that she's sexy."You're sexy! You're sexy! You're sexy! You're sexy! Now what do I win?I suppose the pics after the jump will have to suffice.
Get ready to go further behind the music of popular VH1 "Behind the Music" subjects N.W.A (aka That-word-my-friend-Tariq-asked-me-to-stop-saying With Attitude). New Line has tapped (not as in "tapped that ass") Andrea Berloff (World Trade Center) to write Straight Outta Compton, a biopic dramatizing the rise and fall of seminal gangsta rappers and police f*ckers: Ice Cube, Eazy-E, Dr. Dre, MC Ren, and DJ Yella.Biopics always clean up come award season and I don't see why this one should be any different. One might argue that the subject matter is too aggressive but the same could once be said for Johnny Cash. I'm interested to see how far this can go. In fact, I'd like to go ahead and nominate it right now for the Screen Junkies' Theater-Going Experience Most Likely to Get You Shot Award. (THR)
Don't freak on me but I forgot to update you guys that Hank Azaria is playing the fugly-ass wizard Gargamel in Sony/Columbia's very important Smurfs adaptation. Today we have our first look at the "Simpsons" star in full costume and I've gotta say, he looks the part. With these grotesque features, he could easily get work at Smurf Land Theme Park. If not as Gargamel, definitely as the groundskeeper who isn't allowed legally to be alone with children. Or livestock. The film's voice cast for the live-action/CGI blend consists of the Laugh-A-Minute All-Stars: Jonathan Winters, George Lopez, Kenan Thompson, Jeff Foxworthy, and renowned funny lady Katy Perry. Combine that knowledge with the fact that this film is directed by Beverly Hills Chihuahua's Raja Gosnell, and you're all but guaranteed to be made uncomfortable. Either by an awkward and confusing Smurf musical sequence or Smurfette's faux-lesbian posturing. (Coming Soon)
There's a new reason (besides interacting with pretty girls) to fear Spring Break this year: dying a fish-related death. That's why I've elected to stay on campus to get a jump on my courseload. I ran that plan by Mother and Mother agrees that's the best use of my time. The once-3D, then not 3D, then 3D again Piranha 3D has a full-length trailer that gives us a better look at the massacre at Lake Victoria. And it also gives us a better look at Ving Rhames ridiculously fighting a school of piranha with an outboard motor. That's the reason 3D was invented. Sh******t, that's the reason eyeballs were invented. Boobs, blood, and people dying unlikely deaths after the jump….