Sony Pictures Animation has released the teaser trailer for The Smurfs. They desecrate Mount Rushmore. 'Nough said. Check out the teaser after the jump.
BREAKING: Cameron Diaz loooooooves c*ck.In what I'm sure wasn't in any way an attempt to boost the box office success of her upcoming film Knight & Day, Cameron Diaz spoke with Playboy about earning frequent flyer miles for c*ck, among other things. Ugh, why do celebrities make it so easy sometimes? I try to utilize my razer sharp wit, and then Diaz goes mouthing off about how she's constantly on the prowl for c*ck. She even said "C*CK." No euphemisms or anything.Check out the highlights from Movieline while I go try to find news that pushes my limits:On romance: “Oh gosh, I can’t even count how many times I’ve gotten on a plane for love. It’s not unusual in this business; my lifestyle demands it. I’m always traveling for [whispers] cock. You’ve got to go where it is.”MORE BLATANT P.R. AFTER THE JUMP.
Our hopes of seeing a vampire use his fangs to perform a Caesarean section have just gone down in flames. Screenwriter Melissa Rosenberg has informed the LA Times that Breaking Dawn's gory birthing scene will happen off-screen. Seltzer and Friedberg wouldn't pussy out like that.On the fan site, on Facebook, all the comments are "It has to be R rated! You have to show the childbirth! Gore and guts and sex!" For me it's actually more interesting to not see it. You know, you can do childbirth without seeing childbirth … it doesn't mean it's any less evocative of an experience.Yes, you can do childbirth without seeing childbirth. But when that childbirth features an accelerated pregnancy that kills the host from the inside out, causing a f*cking vampire to eat his way through the mother's stomach in order to deliver the baby, which can run around and has complete awareness, you'd better show the childbirth. But whatever. I'm not a screenwriter. If you're not going to show the delivery, don't even THINK of making us sit through the boring lamaze class scene. Those are always the same.
"Is that boy's head on fire?"Mark Neveldine and Brian Taylor, the two directors behind the tweeked-out Crank films, are negotiating to stab their hypodermic needle of creativity into the heart of the Ghost Rider sequel, entitled Ghost Rider: The Spirit of Vengeance. Nic Cage will return as Johnny Blaze, the stuntman with a serious dry scalp problem.The film needs to go into production before November or Columbia loses the rights, so who better to take a chokehold on the project than the guys who directed two movies where speed is a major component. I can't imagine the sequel to Ghost Rider could turn out any worse than the original. Neveldine and Taylor are basically getting permission to play with fire, and I fear not even the craft services table would be safe from their wrath. When Neveldine spots crafty serving up bananas foster across the stage, you know he's gonna want to bathe in those flames. (THR)
The Internet used to suck. The Internet is good for a few things besides revitalizing Betty White's career, and Middle Men is here to remind us of that. The new film is inspired by the brave heros who brought porn to the Internet, and molded it into the universe it has become. Luke Wilson stars as a businessman who helps guide the first online billing company that deals exclusively with adult entertainment. Judging from their unkempt look and sparring habits, Giovanni Ribisi and Gabriel Macht co-star as the staff of ScreenJunkies.com. Oh, I've just been told that they play the programmers who invent the billing method. I was close. Soon the trio are caught in the middle between porn stars, fabulous riches, Russian mobsters, the FBI, and Luke Wilson once again has to tangle with Mr. Henry. It's weird to see him without Rowboat. PAY SOME RESPECT TO THE INTERNET'S HERITAGE AFTER THE JUMP…
Director: George GalloCast: Luke Wilson, Giovanni Ribisi, Gabriel Macht, James CaanSynopsis: Businessman Jack Harris (Luke Wilson) had the perfect life – a beautiful family and a successful career fixing problem companies. And then he met Wayne Beering (Giovanni Ribisi) and Buck Dolby (Gabriel Macht), two genius but troubled men, who had invented the way adult entertainment is sold over the internet.Release Date: August 6, 2010
Julia Jones may not be in the twilight of her career yet but this natural beauty from Beantown will showcase her talents in two back-to-back movies this summer, Jonah Hex as a busty prostitute named Cassie and The Twilight Saga: Eclipse as she-wolf Leah Clearwater. Not bad for a former model turned actress, who was last seen in the Tarantino flophouse Hell Ride.A word from Julia: "If you try to scowl, just for four hours straight, you will start feeling pretty pissed off. I'm not kidding."Yeah because you're scowling for four hours straight. If I'm doing anything for four hours straight I'd get pissed off. Yes, even eating nachos.More pics of Julia smiling after the jump.
I'm still not sure which is more annoying, the vuvuzela or Shelley Duvall. (FYeahDementia)
"Their proteins aren't sustainable?!…" The trailer has been released for Mark Romanek's adaptation of the novel Never Let Me Go. The screenplay for the dramatic thriller was written by Alex Garland (28 Days Later, Sunshine), and is about "a group of children who spent their childhood at a seemingly idyllic English boarding school, who as they grow into young adults, they find that they have to come to terms with the strength of the love they feel for each other, while preparing themselves for the haunting reality that awaits them."
Director: Zack SnyderCast: Emilie de Ravin,Jim Sturgess, Geoffrey Rush, Abbie Cornish, Rachel TalylorSynopsis: Soren, a young barn owl, is kidnapped by owls of St. Aggie's, ostensibly an orphanage, where owlets are brainwashed into becoming soldiers. He and his new friends escape to the island of Ga'Hoole, to assist its noble, wise owls who fight the army being created by the wicked rulers of St. Aggie's. The film is based on the first three books in the series.Release Date: September 24, 2010
We avoided posting the teaser trailer for Zack Snyder's Legends of the Guardians because our managing editor Col. Hans Longshanks wasn't into it. But now he is, so here's the full-length trailer. I'm not sure what experience he had with owls in the interim that changed his mind, but he has been acting weird since he went to that sweat lodge. Or more accurately, the day he didn't notice the gas leak in his apartment. All in all, Guardians looks great. But be careful while watching. You may find yourself enjoying the soundtrack before you realize it's Thirty Seconds to Mars. Not this time, Leto! CHECK OUT THE TRAILER AFTER THE JUMP. IT HAS OWLS.
Director: Mark RomanekCast: Carey Mulligan, Keira Knightley, Sally HawkinsSynopsis: About a group of children who spent their childhood at a seemingly idyllic English boarding school, who as they “grow into young adults, they find that they have to come to terms with the strength of the love they feel for each other, while preparing themselves for the haunting reality that awaits them.Release Date: October 1, 2010
Hopefully this chair was burned after the shoot. Russell Crowe is sorry and trying to atone for his violent, dangerous past by putting his skills to use helping those who need protection and/or the use of a phone. Not in real life though. Never in real life. Despite The A-Team's belly-flop onto hard concrete this past weekend, Crowe has been attached to a remake of the vengeance-for-hire series "The Equalizer." Crowe will play Robert McCall (originated by Edward Woodward), a former secret agent determined to help those in need via a newspaper ad. I imagine this will be modernized to a Craigslist ad. Because those in need certainly always have a $2,000 laptop and a costly Verizon FiOS connection. (LA Times)
I remember it looking a lot cooler when I was eight.The much anticipated (by me) remake of The Monster Squad has come one step closer to completion with the addition of two new screenwriters. Mark and Brian Gunn (cousins, not husbands) have signed on to pen the reboot of Fred Dekker's 1987 classic.Assuming they don't totally ruin the film by going the Twilight route, it will be nice to see a vampire that wants to kill teenagers, not fall in love with them. Unless, of course, they base the Dracula character on my creepy Uncle Mike, who liked to do both. (Hollywood Reporter via Dead Central)
This film demeans us all, Papa Smurf.Sony has released the first photo from its upcoming movie, The Smurfs, and all I can say is hold on to your white, slightly phallic-looking hats! The picture depicts Grouchy, Papa and Clumsy Smurf in…get this…NEW YORK CITY!Magically transporting a fictional character into the real world can only be described as wildly original. But to go the extra mile and place them in such an obscure location goes above and beyond. I didn't even know you could film movies in New York! Of all the places for the Smurfs to end up, NYC has to be the craziest! That town moves a mile a minute! Talk about a fish-out-of-water story!The trailer for the film comes out this Thursday, but I don't need to wait until then to declare this movie an instant classic.* The only thing that could make it any better would be if they got George Lopez to do a voice. That would be tits! (First Showing)*I'm trying really hard to be less of a sarcastic prick, but holy crap, Sony! What choice do I have? Did you learn nothing from Space Jam!
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Back in college, we played so much Goldeneye that my friend instinctively ran off the basketball court during a big game because he noticed a blue backpack that resembled the game's body armor in the bleachers. Now, a new version of the game is making its way to the Wii and it looks amazing, and Daniel Craig-y. My college friends have all scattered, so I'll need to round up three willing competitors. I think I'll ask my building's security guard. I bet he's good with a gun, and at spying on people in the bathroom. There will definitely be a "No Oddjob" rule in effect. He always aims for the kneecaps and that's just bullsh*t. CHECK OUT THE MOVIE-RELATED GAME TRAILER AFTER THE JUMP…
Can't get enough of vampires, even the sparkly kind? Does high-fructose corn syrup mixed with red food coloring really get you amped? Feverishly writing your own script for Troll 3? Then you might want to check out Break's newly-risen Horror Channel, the internet's latest resting place for all things creepy, scary and at least partially undead.Not only will you find trailers for all of the latest horror flicks, you'll find the best in short videos, extras for films & TV shows and web-based horror series. Or, if you just want to browse by your particular horror fetish — er, genre — you can do that, as well. Think of the Horror Channel as Screen Junkies's ugly, disfigured cousin we keep in the cellar and feed fish heads. He's too disturbing to play in our sandbox, so we made him one of his very own. God only knows what it's filled with though.Stalk on over to the Horror Channel HERE.
It's like the fish is his boner.The Incredible Mr. Limpet is a movie that was made nearly 50 years ago about a cartoon fish that fights Nazis. No wait, don't stop me. Seriously, Don Knotts played a man who transformed into a fish and left his old life behind to take on German U-boats in the ocean. Don't look at me like that, it's a real thing! Anyway, now Warner Bros. wants Zack Galifianakis to star as Mr. Limpet in the remake to be directed by Kevin Lima (Enchanted).The LA Times points out that "The Incredible Mr. Limpet has always seemed like one of those Hollywood remake projects that actually makes sense." Really, Steven Zeitchik of the LA Times? The movie didn't make sense back when it was originally conceived, and now you think in this post-post-post WWII era audiences are hungry for a Nazi fighting flounder? Granted, Inglourious Basterds did well, but that concept was easier to go along with, even if they did killer Hitler in the end **Retroactive Spoiler Alert!** But okay, let's make Galifianakis a fish. Whatever. I give up.
Sofia Coppola is up to her old tricks again, pointing a camera at people bored by hotel stays. Somewhere stars Stephen Dorff as a lazy bones actor laying around all the time at Hollywood's Chateau Marmont Hotel who's life is reinvigorated by the unexpected presence of his daughter. I guess I should point out that she's played by Elle Fanning, but I won't because I hate when children are more successful than I am. So unread that last sentence. Coppola wants you to think she's making a point with the plaster mold drying shot (aren't we all just waiting around for our own soul plaster to harden?), but I see the bigger picture. The laying around. The kitty-cat awards show. Stephen Dorff is obviously channeling Garfield. This will become obvious once you see the scene where he kicks Robert Schwartzman off a table. Check out Stephen Dorff's rich man problems after the jump…
It turns out that along with David Yates (Harry Potter films) and David Dobkin (Fred Claus), Brett Ratner has also been considered to direct The Hobbit. I don't want to tell a studio on the brink of bankruptcy how to run their business, but bitch is you crazy? I thought MGM needed a hit. Is this some kind of Brewster's Millions situation where they need to intentionally lose all their money in order to win a larger fortune?? Does Robocop have something to do with this???? Luckily Peter Jackson won't let that happen.He's gone on record before to say, "If [directing the films is] what I have to do to protect Warner Bros’ investment, then obviously that’s one angle which I’ll explore…The other studios may not let me out of the contracts." Thank you, Peter Jackson. You're the only one preventing us from having to endure Miley Cyrus speaking Elvish. Or worse, singing auto-tuned Elvish. (Deadline)
Go from the outside in. The first trailer for Resident Evil: Afterlife really wanted you to know that the film is in 3D. This one also wants you to know that it's in 3D, but it has kind of a story sort of too. Milla Jovovich is back as Alice, and she's fighting more zombies and umbrellas, only this time with the help of an old friend — Ali Larter back as Claire. The guy from "Prison Break" (Wentworth Miller), who plays Claire's brother, helps the two aggressive females try and take back Los Angeles from the walking dead. The film is directed by Paul W.S. Anderson, the other, worse Paul Anderson in the helming game. He directed the first Resident Evil movie, wrote the other two, and I guess decided he wanted to tell his wife how to throw stuff that will be added in later at the camera for the 3D installment of Resident Evil. One question: why is this thing coming out in IMAX? Aren't those screens being used for films like, I don't know…Inception. I realize that Resident Evil: Afterlife doesn't come out until September, but Inception should still be in IMAX then. The studio must be banking on the fact that audiences will never tire of axes flying at their faces. Check out the trailer after the jump…
Director: Paul W.S. AndersonCast: Milla Jovovich, Ali Larter, Wentworth MillerSynopsis: In a world ravaged by a virus infection, turning its victims into the Undead, Alice (Jovovich), continues on her journey to find survivors and lead them to safety.
It's tough being a movie star. When actors find success or make it big they tend to stick to the same projects and stories that have made them a houshold name. Yes, I'm shooting you the stink-eye, Eddie Murphy, with all your Nutty Professors, Doctor Doolittles, and Daddy Day Cares. But then an actor will go and do something out of nowhere. Murphy in Harlem Nights and Dreamgirls showed his dramatic range even if the movies were not complete successes. So here are a few suggestions on meatier roles certain actors should consider before diving into that next dashing lead or crusading hero part. Mel Gibson – SS Nazi Officer
Have you ever watched an episode of "Fraggle Rock" and thought, "Hey, this shit needs to be more f**king edgy and gritty, like I am, beotch!" If so, you're in luck.Director/Screenwriter Corey Edwards has taken to the interwebs to complain that the Weinsteins are squeezing him out of the 'Fraggle' script because his version is “not edgy enough.” I enjoy working with other writers and have no doubt that the RIGHT person could help make any script better. But to not even ask me? Adding insult to injury, the search is basically an open assignment. This means the net has been cast wide, virtually posting in the “classifieds” of the movie business. The Fraggles do not deserve such treatment. Now, I like "Fraggle Rock" as much as the next unoriginal retro-addicted douche bag, but I'm not exactly sure what type of treatment Fraggles "deserve." It's not like we're talking about the regular Muppets, here. If the Weinsteins was to remake Bad Lieutenant with the "Fraggle Rock" gang, I say let 'em. They're animals anyway, so let them lose their souls. (SlashFilm)
It's official: Sam Raimi is on board to direct Disney's Wizard of Oz prequel. Robert Downey Jr. has also been confirmed, and will play the titular Wizard. The film will explore the character's rise from a circus wrangler in Kansas to a great and powerful sorcerer in the land of Oz.Based on the success of Tim Burton's Alice In Wonderland, Disney has high hopes for the prequel. Like Alice, Oz is a new spin on a classic children's tale and will be shot in 3D. But unlike Alice, Oz will not be eerily similar to every other film Tim Burton has ever made. (Deadline)
Filming began yesterday on Hugh Jackman's robo-pugilism adventure Real Steel and we have the first set photos courtesy of USA Today. In the film, Jackman plays a washed up boxer who, along with his son, promotes and coaches a robotic fighter to win a boxing championship. We get a good glimpse at the robot, Noisy Boy, in the first pic and note that this is not a CG character. That's an honest-to-goodness robot pictured with Jackman. Sure, there is always the danger that it might go haywire and attack the crew, but it's still far safer than working with "Rampage" Jackson. Once his cold eyes are upon you, you're already dry-humped. You just don't know it yet.CHECK OUT THE PHOTOS AFTER THE JUMP…
In the HBO comedy "Bored to Death," Jason Schwartzman plays a struggling writer who is trying his hand at detective work. As a struggling writer myself, the show inspired me to do a little detective work of my own. And as luck would have it, my keen detective skills helped me find this "Bored to Death" Season 2 trailer featuring Ted Danson and Zach Galifianakis. I also found a Helen Keller Simulator and some "Night Court" fanfiction, but I figured you'd be more impressed with the trailer. Watch the "Bored to Death" Season 2 trailer after the jump.
Off-camera: a giant sandwich.Keep an eye out for Guillermo del Toro at this year's San Diego Comic-Con because he has big news. He shouldn't be that difficult to find. Just look for the heavyset guy with glasses and an unshaven neck. Ask a Convention Center employee if you have trouble. Guillermo's official site has this message from the director:Van Helsing (writing and producing) is still in talks and not quite certain. Even then, I would like to share my plans only at COMICON. I am taking it slowly and marking very, very carefully the calendar of projects that I will be involved as producer, writer, etc I will not announce the project I intend to direct until then . I am very happy to say that all the projects and partnerships being considered are both quite surprising and, I hope, powerful. Much as I want, I cannot say much more at this time but I anxiously await to share these with you. I will be shopping on the floor in San Diego for several days. See you there!!So what could this "quite surprising" news be? Is he going to play Magneto? I bet he'd make a great Magneto. He's already quite adept at bending metal chairs.
Chuck Norris always has the right of way.