That's right, boys! Soak it up!So I'm on a plane right now flying to Cannes for the the tiny, little film festival they do annually, and I'm having trouble remembering who I slept with/killed to get this opportunity. Also, my 767 jet must be equipped with magic because I'm posting on the site from 1000s of feet up in the air. Eat your heart out, George Jetson. Your future looks like a silly b*tch now.Come to think of it, no one in their right or wrong mind would request sexual favors from me in exchange for a trip to Cannes. That's right, Stella Artois so kindly sponsored this excursion for me. I plan on living it up on the French Riviera like Jacques D'azur, and attempting to hit on as many women as he has bedded with a simple come hither glance. Don't post this on my girlfriend's Facebook wall. She doesn't read the site.I'll be bringing you all kinds of fun audio and/or visual presentations documenting my escapades at the film festival. I even had to rent a tuxedo. With a bowtie. Why do I have a strange feeling I'll be working this trip off by serving tray passed mini quiches at an after party?I'm not certain yet what screenings I'll be attending or what galas I'll be drunkenly stumbling into, but rest assured you will know when I know. I mainly just plan on donning my tux 24/7 and unsuccessfully trying to convince people I'm Daniel Craig. Not James Bond, mind you. Daniel Craig. Now to secure some piercing blue eyes…My battery is running out because I lack discipline and don't refresh it like Apple suggests you do at least once a month, so I'll say au revoir for now. Keep on checking back for my updates and the use of French words that I pick up at high-stakes poker games and mustache-twisting pow-wows. Kisses, my babies!
Emma Stone steps out from behind the shadow of Anna Faris in an attempt to crown herself the new Anna Faris with Easy A. In the trailer, we see her pretend-boink her gay friend in a fool-proof plan to make him popular. She then has to deal with her own new found popularity, as she is quickly drafted by other nerds to pretend-spread her pretend-legs in order to launch their own popularity. Amanda Bynes also shows up as her nemesis. What the hell happened to her? How did she go from this to looking like she discovered the same meteorite as Peter Sarsgaard? Can Botox do that to a person? Check out the trailer after the jump…
Mira Sorvino is every Italian dude's fantasy: a tall, tough, hot, Italian broad whose dad played Paulie in Goodfellas. She also won a Best Supporting Actress Oscar for her role as a foul-mouthed prostitute in the Woody Allen flick Mighty Aphrodite. So in summary, she's a tall, tough, hot, Italian foul-mouthed prostitute. Check, please!A word from Mira: "There's a side of my personality that goes completely against the East Coast educated person and wants to be a pin-up girl in garages across America."But then you remember how degrading that is, right? I've heard it 1000 times from you brainy girls. It always ends in me putting the lens cap back on my camera. More of Mira's beauty and less of her brains after the jump.
Stay up to date on my escapades at the Cannes Film Festival.
Pixels! – Watch more Game TrailersPixels has almost successfully unlocked every achievement required to become a viral sensation. Level One: it was emailed to you by your friends. Level Two: blogs reposted. Level Three: it was emailed to you by everyone in your office. And now, it has achieved Level Four status: being ruined by Adam Sandler. Expect it to achieve Level Five (being emailed to you by your mom) status in about four months.Back to Sandler. Happy Madison is in early talks to adapt Patrick Jean's video-game themed invasion short into a feature length film, though there's no indicaton how they plan to stretch the content that far. I can already picture Rob Schneider as a racially-insensitve depiction of Super Mario, and Sandler as the hapless dad tasked with imprisoning the escaped characters in the magic Atari console he purchased from Henry Winkler.Though I don't feel that Happy Madison is the best fit for this material, as a New Yorker, I encourage these 8-bit invaders to bring it on. If we start to live in fear, the Pac-Men have already won. (Deadline)
We all have them: Our favorite worst movies. Whether due to poor acting, writing, production value or all of the above, there are some gorgeously entertaining cinematic turds that we just can’t flush out of our hearts. Here are 11 of the most awfulsome movies ever made. 11. Double Team
People grieve in different ways.Michael Pena and fart detective Nick Swardson are in talks to join Danny McBride and Aziz Ansari in 30 Minutes or Less. Swardson will play the best friend to McBride's rigged-to-explode pizza guy cum (titter (hee hee!)) bank robber. Pena, who we'll see opposite McBride in season two of Eastbound and Down, is in talks to play a tattooed assassin. It's a good thing that the roles aren't reversed. I can't imagine Swardson as a tattooed assassin. Mostly because I can't take an assassin with a tramp stamp seriously. I don't know. He just seems like the type. (THR)
For all of you Francis Ford Coppola fans who are anxiously awaiting The Godfather 3D, I'm sorry to tell you it ain't gonna happen. In an interview with ElectronicHouse, the legendary director came out swinging against the craze, saying that most films aren't enhanced by 3D, except at the box office. “I feel that until you can watch 3D without glasses, it’s the same thing we know,” he says. “I personally do not want to watch a movie with glasses. It’s tiresome.” Coppola says he even removed his 3D glasses to watch portions of “Avatar,” even though it meant he was watching out of focus. Who does this guy think he is? I recently watched Clash of the Titans in 3D, and let me tell you that it was a thousand times better than The Godfather I & II combined! If Coppola has any hope of his films being accepted by future generations, he'll convert his entire catalog to 3D at once. That way we can watch Jack in the third dimension, as it was meant to be experienced. (CinemaBlend)
I blame it on T-Pain.Just when I think I've wrapped my head around Horrible Bosses, it goes and throws me another curve ball.The first name I heard assoicated with the film was Jennifer Aniston. That's bad. But the next name I heard was Charlie Day from "Always Sunny." That's good.Then I heard Colin Farrell was joining the cast, and I was all like "Whaaaaaat?" But then Jason Bateman came on board, so I was back to "Yeeeeeeaaaah!"But now comes word that Jamie Foxx is joining the film, and my head is about to explode from all the confusion. At first glance, the addition of Foxx to the cast seems like a bad sign. He hasn't had a really good role since he won the Oscar in 2004 for Ray, and everybody knows he only won because the Academy wanted to give it to a blind guy. But on the other had, Cinema Blend is reporting that Foxx will play the role of a scam artist named Motherf*cker Jones. You don't have to be a Foxx fan to appreciate a character named Motherf*cker. But the confusion doesn't stop there. Latino Review is reporting that “There will be at least two other big announcements in the next few weeks regarding other roles." Based on what I've seen so far, my money is on Carlos Mencia and Aziz Ansari.
They're not just for Wookiees anymore. C3P0 backpacks have finally been approved for human use. Comfortably stores your iPad loaded with Tron novelizations, the hardcopies of your Tron novelizations, and an extra pair of weathered cargo shorts. Back to school can't come soon enough! (ThinkGeek) There's even room for these links!Give Judy Greer Another Series! (Moviefone)Omissions from Maxim's Hot 100 (Asylum)Sean Penn Gets Probation for Kicking Photographer (PopEater)25 Ridiculous Senior Portraits (HolyTaco)Sharlto Copley Wants to Wear Alien Ears (FilmDrunk)12 Most Iconic Hats in Movie History (Unreality)Drag Race vs. Airplane (TotalProSports)Maximus vs. Robin Hood (Maxim)MMA Gif Party (CagePotato)Hayden Panettiere Bikini Pics (CelebJihad)20 Greatest Wrestlers of All Time (Smosh)Films That Were Better Than The Book (Pajiba)Star Wars Keyboard Lady (Atom)Summer Camps for Adults (MadeMan)Amish Stewart Fan (AllLeftTurns)
After having wrestled free from the clutches of Hollywood's strongest cougar, Brad Pitt is eyeing another big cat. Variety reports that Pitt may finally team up with Darren Aronofsky for The Tiger. Don't believe me? F you:[The Tiger] takes place on the Siberian plain, where human development is encroaching on the tigers’ habitat — and one tiger turns on the intruders. With townspeople being tracked and hunted with an almost supernatural power, a conservationist game warden must face down the tiger. It is a fight that only one of them can win.This marks the third time that Brad Pitt and Darren Aronofsky have almost worked together. Pitt has previously dropped out of two Aronofsky projects, The Fountain and The Fighter. Aronofsky was salty about it in the past but it looks like he's willing to let bygones be bygones. Either that or he's trying to feed Brad Pitt to a tiger. Revenge is a dish best served cold. And by tigers.
We're a step closer to seeing a 270-ft Helena Bonham Carter stomping her way through downtown Tokyo. Tim Burton is reportedly going kaiju with the news that he's being brought in as a "creative catalyst" for a movie based on the nerdy board game Monsterpocalypse. The game, for those of you who have touched boobs, features giant monster figurines that fight in a heavily-populated metropolis.I'm not sure how a creative catalyst works. Do they all just hang out and being around him somehow gets their juices going? Do they have to lick him like a hallucinogenic toad? I bet he tastes like candy corn. (Deadline)
Welcome to your hangover. The Adjustment Bureau is bringing Philip K. Dick back to the big screen, and in more of a Blade Runner way than a Paycheck way. Matt Damon plays an ambitious politician on the brink of winning a U.S. Senate seat when he meets ballet dancer Emily Blunt. Then sh*t gets unreal. Just as he's realizing he's falling for her, mysterious men conspire to keep the two apart. The motley crew known as The Adjustment Bureau is led by Roger Sterling of "Mad Men," and it's my asumption that when they're not determining people's fates they're aligning spines in their unstuffy chiropractic practice. It's the place right by the Baskin Robbins. Park on Oak though, there are never any spots on Main. Check out the trailer after the jump. The Adjustment Bureau has orchestrated its release for September 17, 2010.
And the winners are…"How deep do you think I can get it before he wakes up?""How could we have dropped garlic into his body during the operation?""They told me we would be dissecting FROGS in this class…""Could be worse. You could be at the end of a human centipede.""I've never seen a hairlip like this before."The winners will receive Daybreakers on their choice of either Blu Ray or DVD.Thanks to everyone who posted on the Screen Junkies Facebook wall. You guys came up with some great/sick stuff. We're concerned about most of your mental conditions.Daybreakers is available on Blu Ray and DVD today.
Doesn't the above image make you want to watch a porno? Apparently the Batman XXX Porno Parody succeeds by frightening the arousal into you. I bet you like that, don't you, sicko? We've seen adult entertainment parodies of The Big Lebowski, "Curb Your Enthusiasm," and "Dexter," and out of all of them I'd say Batman is at the bottom of my list of porns I have a mild curiosity in stealing from my dad. The "film" is directed by Alex Braun and distributed by Vivid. Take a gander at the second trailer for the Batman Porn Parody below. **Spinning dildo flies at screen, transitioning us to the next scene**
Swallow your peas, Dolph! This one's for all the fellas out there that love bulging muscles up in their grill. Jean-Claude Van Damme and Dolph Lundgren will once again reignite their centuries old rivalry for Universal Soldier 4: 3D. John Hyams, who directed the previous film in the series, will return to show these guys which angles to punch one another at are best for camera.I would assume the project would go straight to DVD, but if that's the case why spend the money on 3D? Are they going to inflate DVD costs next? Or tax our eyeballs when this inevitably ends up on Spike TV?? Well, we won't stand for that. ATTICA! ATTICA!!! (Deadline)
Timothy Olyphant ("Justified," The Crazies, "Deadwood") has hopped on I Am Number Four after Sharlto Copley had to drop out to promote The A-Team. Which makes sense. You don't want to leave "Rampage" Jackson alone in a room full of reporters.Olyphant will be stepping into the role of "guardian and mentor" to Alex Pettyfer's alien refugee Number Four. I see no mention of this guardian being a kick-ass Southern lawman, but the casting of Timothy Olyphant would suggest that's the case. Must be a typo. (Variety)
When I heard that Jennifer Aniston had signed on to star in Horrible Bosses, I assumed that the film was going to be a real hunk of crap. But when I heard that Charlie Day from "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia" is in talks to sign on, I was forced to reconsider. Throw Jason Bateman into the mix, and this film about three friends who plot to kill their bosses seems a lot more interesting. Jason Bateman will play a man who believes his hard work will be rewarded but when he gets passed over for a promotion, he hits rock bottom. Charlie Day plays a hapless guy, always in the wrong place at the wrong time. A part still to be cast is a ladies’ man who is good at his job, but gets a rude awakening when his boss passes away and gets replaced. Word on "the street" is that Colin Farrell will be playing said ladies' man. I guess "the street" must read Collider.
I don't want to beat a dead horse by making a "beating an undead horse" joke about Geroge Romero, but Jesus H. Christ! He's making it very hard not to.Although Romero's sixth zombie film, Survival of the Dead, hasn't even hit theaters yet, the legendary director is already talking about two more installments.In a recent interview, Romero said he would like to shoot the films back to back and that "returning for two more entries would feel like home to him."I'd like to point out that to experience something that "feels like home" you would actually have to leave home first. But at any rate, shooting the films back to back is probably a good idea, considering Romero is 70. If this goes on much longer, the undead films are going to need an undead director…because he'll be dead. Get it? Yeah you do. (First Showing)
Shocking news! Jennifer Aniston has decided to break the mold and step out of her comfort zone by taking on a role in a romantic comedy. Wanderlust, which was acquired by Universal Pictures, will be produced by Judd Apatow and will costar Apatow regular Paul Rudd. Aniston and Rudd will play a married couple trying to escape the trappings of the city life for a counterculture existence. Sounds amazing! As if one groundbreaking role wasn't enough, Aniston has also signed on to star in New Line Cinema's Horrible Bosses, which is no doubt a dark psychological thriller. Either that, or another sh*tty comedy. (Deadline)
Quaid's woes are set to music in this rendition of Total Recall that surprisingly makes the film less weird. Though I can't imagine Paul Verhoeven being okay with this version. There aren't a pair of bare breasts in sight. (JonandAl)Cohaagen, give these people some links!Star Summer Comebacks (Moviefone)Is Miss USA Too Sexy? (Asylum)Six-Grade Gaga-Bieber Hybrid (PopEater)25 Sexy Hockey Fans (HolyTaco)Seacrest Wannabe Caught Plagiarizing (FilmDrunk)The Healing Power of Coke and Soft Pretzels (Unreality)15 Hot Volleyball Chicks (TotalProSports)6 Best and Worst Captains of All Time (Maxim)The Reem? (CagePotato)Lady Gaga Shows Off His Lady Bits (CelebJihad)25 Items Made of Legos (Smosh)5 Best Robert Downey Jr. Roles (Pajiba)Pube Rap (Atom)Drambuie Pursuit Scottish Adventure Race (MadeMan)NASCAR Hall of Fame Open for Business (AllLeftTurns)How You Feel After Fapping (RegretfulMorning)
With Jamaroqui Jabar Abrams's Super 8 opening in theaters in little over 365 days from now, we're given precious time to pour over every small piece of marketing material obsessively. Let's get on that people! **dons jeweler's loupe** Our first clue comes to us in the form of the above picture, lifted from the newly-released high quality teaser. Just before the film's title appears, you can see the quick flash of a mysterious child's face. Much like in Three Men and a Baby or the rear window of Roman Polanski's van as it speeds away. Dissect this HD bitch after the jump…
The decision to split Twilight: Breaking Dawn into two movies is causing some money woes for Summit Entertainment. Or for the supporting cast, depending on your perspective. Professional erection and herection causers, Ashley Greene and Kellen Lutz are looking for bigger paydays now that their careers are beginnng to break out. They're all like, "F*ck you! Pay me!!" And Summit's all like, "No. YOU, f*ck you!!" Or something along those lines:"We may have a situation where one of them is thrown out on the street to make a point," says a source close to the dealmaking. There is precedent. After the success of the first film, Summit axed Rachelle Lefevre, who played Victoria, in part because her reps played hardball on money. (Bryce Dallas Howard got the job instead.) But sources say the offers from Summit — which are said to be at least 10 times what the actors made on the first movie — were deemed "offensive" given the mega-money the franchise has generated.This is a tough call. One the one hand, yeah f*ck those guys. But on the other, they DO have abdominal muscles and I'm pretty sure that's what matters nowadays. That's why the American Gladiators are so well off and most artists die penniless. Honestly though, just replace him with Paul Walker. Same diff. (Yahoo)
Michael Bay has confirmed on his message board that The Twins, Mudflap and Skids, from Revenge of the Fallen will not be perpetuating racial stereotypes in Transformers 3. In Hollywood that's what we call getting Jar Jar Binx'ed. It's Bay's goal to make the next Transformers installment relatively inoffensive, but take this with a grain of salt as Tyrese and Josh Duhamel still have scenes opposite one another. There's no telling what's next for The Twins. They've got all the right skillz for a dance flick or a rap career, they just need someone to take a chance on them. My instincts say they'll be relegated to the scrap pile though like so many other influential characters of the past.I'm still eagerly awaiting the next Max Headroom project that I fear may never come. (IESB)
Léa Seydoux is the granddaughter of Jérôme Seydoux, Chairman of Pathé, and the grandniece of Nicolas Seydoux, Chairman and CEO of Gaumont. Looks like we know how SOMEONE got their foot in the door… That's right, by looking hot. A word from Lea: "Something French."I LOVE crepes! More pics of Madamoiselle Seydoux after the jump.
After several poisonous box office outings, Colin Farrell's project-picking finger could smell like sweet success for a change. Between his turn in Crazy Heart and Golden Globe win for In Bruges, he's found his way back onto marquees. And the needless remake train as well.Farrell has signed on to bite women in Craig Gillespie's Fright Night as the new vampire in town, opposite Anton Yelchin and Toni Collette. After that, he'll appear with computer lover Paul Rudd in the comedy Horrible Bosses directed by Seth Gordon. He dropped out of two other projects in order to free up his schedule for these parts – one a Katherine Heigl bounty hunter movie and the other a rom-com directed by McG. Smart move. Talk about horrible bosses… (Deadline)
When an actor knocks their first role out of the park, they then have a lot to live up to. They usually start getting loads of offers to star in other films and with that comes piles ‘o cash. What I’ve been noticing is that some of these actors just start punching the time clock and go to sleep on the job. For like, decades, even. Here are 10 actors who have phoned in their roles for the better part of their career. And some are still doing it.SYLVESTER STALLONE
If you print this out and tape it to your t-shirt, you will get so laid.Pete Travis is ready to fill the 3D Judge Dredd-shaped hole in our lives. Deadline reports that the Vantage Point director has signed on with DNA Films to bring Judge Joe Dredd back to the big screen, and they'll be looking to secure distribution at Cannes.This is good news for two reasons. A) It can't be worse than the confusing mish-mash that was Sylvester Stallone's version. 2) There's no studio involved to muck up the story. There's no word how faithful the film will stay to the comic series but Alex Garland (Sunshine) is attached to script. I'd like to see a scene where Dredd has his own syndicated courtroom show, and punishes deadbeat roommates to the harshest extremes of the law. Please get on this "Robot Chicken." If you haven't already.
Earlier this year, fans of the original Hobo with a Shotgun trailer wept with joy as production began on a full-length feature starring Rutger Hauer as the titular hobo. Although the film owes its increased popularity to online buzz, the internet is a fickle mistress. With thriving online communities such as Sierra Online and Prodigy and a never-ending supply of cat videos, your typical web surfer has the attention span of a Prodigy subscriber watching cat videos. But the people behind Hobo with a Shotgun understand these shifting web dynamics. As such, they're constantly creating new content to keep our interests piqued. That's why they've released two new teaser videos for fans to enjoy. Truth be told, neither one of these videos make me that excited, but it's way too early to start bitching. Besides, as long as the movie has both a hobo and a shotgun (not necessarily in that order) I'll be going to see it. (DreadCentral) Check out the two new Hobo with a Shotgun videos after the jump.
Back in 1940, all it took to turn a Frenchman into a Nazi was a few dozen Panzers and the promise of an adequate wine ration. In 2010, all it takes to turn a Nazi into a Frenchman is a few million dollars and director Paul W.S. Anderson.Christoph Waltz, who won an Oscar for his portrayal of Colonel Hans Landa (a.k.a. The Jew Hunter) in Inglourious Basterds, has signed on to play Cardinal Richelieu in the upcoming Three Musketeers film. Waltz joins a heavily European cast including Mads Mikkelsen and Milla Jovovich.According to FirstShowing.net, the film will be presented in 3-D. Anderson's version of the classic tale is also "going for a contemporary feel without moving the story from the traditional period setting." I'm assuming that means that the characters will say words like "s**t" and "sexting" while still wearing pantaloons.