Rumors flew last week that Steve Miner would be sitting in the director's chair for next summer's Halloween 3-D. Not so much, it turns out. Patrick Lussier has been confirmed as the writer/director who will be spraying CGI blood at audiences. This is a bad move but not an unexpected one. His last film, My Bloody Valentine made big money at the box office due to its 3-D presentation despite the fact that the storytelling was terrible in every way, shape, and form. You should also note that H3 doesn't have a script or cast in place and is expected on screens in less than a year. Might be wise to avoid this one and play outside instead. You know, where everything is in 3-D. (First Showing) Get back to goofing off at work with these morning links… "Rampage" Jackson WILL play B.A. Baracus but will he get his own cereal?. (Latino Review)David Gordon Green to remake Suspiria. Will Danny McBride battle witches? (Empire)Interesting tweets from Kevin Smith's Labor Day Q&A. (/Film)Spike Jonze almost directed Ace Ventura 2. (NY Mag)Lorne Michaels issues pink slips. (Comic's Comic)
Bored with your Labor Day already? Don't celebrate Labor Day? Like looking at some of the most gruesome decapitation images that Hollywood has to offer? Well, you are in luck, my friend. After the jump are stills from seventeen different films in which someone's head either explodes, shatters or is lopped off by a cannonball. Try and guess which movies they're from. Get all of them correct and you'll win the satisfaction of having blown our minds.
Director: TBDCast: TBDSynopsis: TBD
Halo 3:ODST Live Action Commercial – Watch more Movie Trailers No, it's not a trailer for some super secretive Halo film they've had in the works all this time. But darned if it shouldn't be received like one. Microsoft has just released a new trailer for the Halo 3: ODST game for the Xbox 360, directed by Rupert Sanders, a commercial director who's won a bunch of awards and accolades, all of which you can read about in SlashFilm's piece. All we care about is seeing things get barbecued to a crisp. Outdoor grill or Fuel Rod Gun; it don't matter! Hell, it's Labor Day Weekend here in the States!
I wonder if this angry feline is all that remains of Brownie the Cat in the future? I wouldn't be surprised. If I were a cat and got an arrow through the head, I'd run around all day chasing sentient socks, especially if they sound like Elijah Wood. In read in this month's "Cat Fancy" that "Elijah Wood's voice" is second only to the sound of a tuna can opening in terms of What Turns Your Cat On. [Clip from 9 courtesy of Coming Soon.]Bat these weekend links around a bit and then sleep for 18 hours: Celebrity Couples With Their Heads Switched (HolyTaco) Busey Time: Bird Season's Over, Butthorn (FilmDrunk) 20 Sexy Catholic Schoolgirl Photos (Manofest) Check In The Pockets Of Your Rented Tuxedo (Pajiba) Jessica Simpson's Breasts Are Unfortunate (CelebJihad) The 10 Best Ghosts In Movies (Unreality) Drive-Thru Church Open 24/7 (Asylum) Why We Love College Football: Photo Gallery (BustedCoverage) Girl Keeps Her Boobs And Her Polish In Her Bra (RegretfulMorning) Blount Punches Boise Player Right In The Kisser (TotalProSports) The First Things Woman Notice About You (MadeMan) Darrell Waltrip Keeps Canada Down (AllLeftTurns) Cop Punches Fat Guy During Massive Brawl (NothingToxic) When Pottery Gets Really Sexual (Atom)
The "laugh track" has a long and storied history of letting morons know when to laugh. But when paired with the wrong footage, the use of a laugh track becomes highly inappropriate. To prove this asinine point, we here at Screen Junkies went ahead and added laugh tracks to five inappropriate films. We hope you like it, because it's the first of 47 installments. Enjoy. Crash Racism + Laugh Track = Inappropriate The Deer Hunter Russian Roulette can be funny, but not when the players are coerced. Inappropriate!
Twenty-two Princess Leias and a guy who kind of looks like Zangief from STREET FIGHTER 2's portlier, less successful brother, Lonny. Yeah that one. The one with the legend for a penis. [via Picture Is Unrelated] Enjoy this evening's new streamlined links: Jessica Barton's Hair Is The Perfect Length (Gorillamask) Flowchart: What Will Happen At Your Labor Day BBQ (HolyTaco) Megan Fox Lesbian Kiss Doesn't Disappoint (FilmDrunk) 25 Funniest Pwned Videos Of All Time (Manofest) Valuable Lessons From Movies In Office Settings (Pajiba) Wil.I.Am Wants To Be A Gay Fish (CelebJihad) Funny (Non Star Trek) William Shatner Moments (Unreality) The Rules For Being A Gangsta (Asylum) Why We Love College Football: A Photo Gallery (BustedCoverage) The 6 People Who Ruin A UFC PPV Party (RegretfulMorning) Cameraman Inches Away From Car To The Face (TotalProSports) The Perils Of Dating Catholics (Heeb) Gloria Navaro: Most Ferocious Cougar (Mademan) 10 Best NASCAR Commercials (AllLeftTurns)
If it's Star Wars related, it lands on this page smoother than the Millenium Falcon.
This Friday sees the release of Mike Judge's Extract, his third live-action comedy. In 1999, Office Space was a huge success and proved Judge could do things outside of the animation world and do it well. His follow-up, Idiocracy (2006), was greeted with lukewarm feelings and absolute zero box office, but its cult following is rabid, and the film cemented Judge as a comedy writer/director with a damn unique voice. So we got to asking ourselves… Having seen the trailer and some clips from Extract, is there a formula to Judge's acerbic wit and humdrum social satire? We cooked something up, let it percolate, and then bottled it at the source. And now, faithful shareholders, we give you: "Mike Judge's Comedy Formula."
The Playlist is reporting on a rumor that Michael Jackson's Captain EO may be making its way back to Disneyland. According to Disney insiders, the film will be back in the park this January. Man, 3D and celebrity deaths are soooo hot right now. The line is kind of blurry on this one. What do you think, heartfelt tribute or distasteful money-making ploy? Check out these links in eye-popping 2D!!! Guy Ritchie to direct Lobo movie. But why? (/Film)Mastodon scores Jonah Hex. (First Showing)Penelope Cruz in her underwear. (Latino Review)Sequels that should be in 3-D. (MTV)7 Beloved Celebrities and the Awful Sh*t You Forgot They Did. (Cracked)Cate Blanchett caught lovely. (NY Mag)
Check out this three-minute sizzle reel from HAWK JONES that the good gents at Everything is Terrible have strung together. Imagine if the cast of SCARFACE & LETHAL WEAPON got the reverse treatment that Tom Hanks got in BIG. Yes, minds blown and eyeballs effed in the A. I would warn you about spoilers, but the chances that you'll actually find the film in its entirety are slim to none. (And yes, that is a personal challenge to you all. If you can find it and tell us where to get it, and we can actually get it… then you get a prize. For real. We can negotiate.) According to imdb.com, there's a straight-to-video movie called HAWK JONES that was released in 1986 and directed by one Richard Lowry, who also scored the film. That's all you have to go on. What do you have to say about the links below, stern but lovable police chief?"You may be crazy, but damned if you ain't clickable." Hillary Fisher Chills In The Woods (Gorillamask) If Money Was Designed Today (Holytaco) Zachary Quinto Is Really Good At Swearing (Filmdrunk) 10 Dirtiest Hand Gestures Of All Time (Manofest) Is It Your iPhone Or Is It A Sleave?! (Walyou) Iron Man's 5 Douchiest Co-Stars (Pajiba) Celebrities And Their Respective Felonies (Cracked) '09 NFL Preview: Cheerleaders Edition (Coed) 7 Sweet Ass Summer Camps (Regretfulmorning) Hottest Tennis Players On The Planet (Maxim) Megan Fox Looks Deep Into Your Eyes (Celebjihad) 9 Best Cities For Bachelors (Mademan) Baroni To Take On Sadollah At UFC 106 (Cagepotato) 10 Louis C.K. Bits You Should Watch Right Now (Unreality) Overage Pics Of Cougar Convention 2009 (Asylum) Favorite Playmate Victoria Silvstedt Holds Up Well (Moondogsports) Russian Kid Beats Fragile Old Man (Nothingtoxic) Kick-Ass And Expendables Get Release Dates (Filmofilia)
The announcement on Monday of the House of Mouse's plans to acquire the Marvel Bullpen sent a ripple thoughout the internet the likes of which has not been seen since Celebricide '09. Within hours there were several illustrations which combined the icons from either camp. Screen Junkies has scoured the corners of the 'Net to put together the most comprehensive gallery of these genius monstrosities. In addition, we sprinkled in a few of our own. CLICK ON THE THUMBS TO SEE THE ORIGINALS IN THEIR FULL GLORY. EXCELSIOR!
Beavis and Butthead have come out of retirement to talk up Mike Judge's latest, Extract. It's great to see these guys again and I love their straight to the point and honest review. Perhaps if Ben and Ben showed this kind of charm they would still be At The Movies. @ Yahoo! Video Look at these morning links, buttwagon… Iron Man 2 interested in jumping on the 3-D bandwagon. (First Showing) Downey & Favreau hop aboard Cowboys & Aliens. (Empire) Get ready for another 30 Days of Night. (Cinema Blend) MacGruber set photo. (Latino Review) Family Guy shuffles the writer's room. (Reuters)
I mean, psychotic or no, the man was born to slash foreskin. And it's a good thing, cause after FINAL DESTINATION whooped his ass this past weekend, he'll need steady work for a while. You and a guest are cordially invited to attend the following: Nicky Fleites Has Sand All Over Her Areas (Gorillamask) How To Survive When Your City Catches Fire (Holytaco) How Twilight Should Have Ended (Filmdrunk) The 10 (Or 20, Really) Biggest Breasts In The World (Manofest) Tetris Sugar Game Is Sweetest Game Of All Time (Walyou) Nominate Megan Fox And Make Your Awards Irrelevant (Pajiba) 5 Amazing Inventions That Will Doom Humanity (Cracked) I Can't Stop Singing Boyz II Men (Heeb) 7 Douchiest Theme Parties (Coedmagazine) Hottest Israel Women Deserve The Holy Land (Maxim) Miley Cyrus Ass-Sex Pics Leaked (Celebjihad) 10 Of History's Unknown Badasses (Mademan) Either Jerry Millen Is Stupid, Or He Thinks You Are (Cagepotato) 15 Movies That Can Also Be Watched Backwards (Unreality) Mudflat Olympics In Germany Gets Dirty (Asylum) Playboy Really, Really, Really Wants Lohan To Pose Nude (Moondogsports) Mickey Turned To Prostitution After Marvel Joined The Team (Atomfilms)
Ever wonder nowadays whether the next commercial jet you fly on is going to get hijacked? If you have anxiety issues like me, this is the part where you turn your head, look out the window and gruffly whisper, "Every damn day…" Well, there's a show for people like us, or people who like being prepared. It's called "Surviving Disaster," and Season 2 premieres tonight on Spike @ 10pm ET/PT. Check out the clip below, where Navy SEAL/badass host Cade Courtley teaches us how to hog tie an airplane hijacker. How to hog tie a terrorist. – Watch more Funny Videos Who is this Courtley guy? He's like your own personal cheerleader for urban survival. He's like Bear Grylls, but useful. Face it; you're never going to get lost on a mountain. You're more likely to die from choking on a glazed donut. Or a bank heist gone awry. And guess what? Courtley covers bank heists this season. And earthquakes, and home invasions, fire, mall shootings, hurricanes and effin' nuclear attacks. And nuclear attacks are just like the world's giant glazed donuts. Silent. Deadly. And served by a Korean.
In Carriers, coming out this Friday, Emily VanCamp plays one of four friends trying to outrun the end of the world and each other. Apparently someone even as cute as her is still susceptable to the awful viral pandemic threatening to destroy the human race. It's amazing how quickly movies get made these days. Swine flu just hit the scene and it already has a film coming out about it starring Emily VanCamp. Let's all hope its ego inflates so rapidly that it implodes and we can enjoy this coming winter instead of worrying about possible death. A word from Emily: "Getting naked is sort of taboo in America, and I think that's something we need to get over." Yeah, great, because being nude isn't a good way to catch a virus, Emily. Pffff. Whatever. I'm just going to look at all the pics of you after the jump now.
Of course by now you have read about Disney's purchase of Marvel for the astonishing price of $4 billion. But what does this mean exactly? Will characters in the Marvel Universe be needlessly Jonas-ized? That's doubtful (God willing). There's been some speculation that Pixar will animate a Marvel property or two. To which I say 'yes' and 'please'. But more than likely, the changes won't be too drastic. Except for the fact that Stan Lee will now be a fixture in the club scene, where he'll be seen regularly making it rain on them hoes. Blowin off stacks of cheddar… Drizzle some billz on these morning links… A nervous Fox polishes the turd that is The Fantastic Four films. (First Showing)Predator Goes Hawaiian. (io9)Writer Shakes hands with Bruckheimer. (Latino Review)VH1 takes out the trash. (NY Mag)De Mornay cast as MILF. (Empire)From an end, comes a new beginning for Supernatural. (Cinema Blend)
Director: David Bowers Cast: Nicholas Cage, Kristen Bell, Freddie Highmore, Donald Sutherland, Eugene Levy Synopsis: Set in futuristic Metro City, Astro Boy is about a young robot with incredible powers created by a brilliant scientist in the image of the son he has lost. Unable to fulfill the grieving man's expectations, our hero embarks on a journey in search of acceptance, experiencing betrayal and a netherworld of robot gladiators, before he returns to save Metro City and reconcile with the father who had rejected him.
AGORA Trailer with Rachel Weisz – Watch more Movie Trailers Above is the first trailer for the new Egypt-under-the-Roman-Empire period piece, which stars Rachel Weisz as the brilliant astronomer Hypatia, who along with her disciples, fights to save the wisdom of the Ancient World during a violent religious upheaval. It looks like there's action, but whether or not Weisz will kick some holy Roman ass remains to be seen. The title bugs me. "Agora." It comes from the Greek for a marketplace. That's like naming DIE HARD "NAKATOMI PLAZA." Or UNDER SIEGE 2 "MOVING TRAIN." If they're going to just name it after the location, they could at least do something dynamic like THE TOWERING INFERNO did. Maybe call it RELIGIOUS RUMBLE AT THE ALEXANDRIA MALL. Or I'M AGORA GIT YOU SUCKA.Git deez links, SUCKA!Mindi Smith Is A One-Woman Carwash (Gorillamask)The Anatomy Of A Bikini Carwash (Holytaco)Rambo 5: Rambo Goes To Mexico (Filmdrunk)25 Amazing Man Babies (Manofest)Nintendo Rubik's Cube Is 8-Bit Fun For All (Walyou)The Best TV Robots (Pajiba)Cheap Acting Tricks That Fool The Critics (Cracked)So Many Hot Legal Schoolgirls (Coedmagazine)'09 Hometown Hotties Finalists. Rock The Vote! (Maxim) It's Not Too Soon For Dead Ted Kennedy Jokes (Celebjihad)How To Tell If She'll Be Good In Bed (Mademan)Ed Herman Is Pretty Certain His Knee Is F*cked (Cagepotato)Video Game Console Costumes Turn You Into A Tool (Unreality)Robot Striptease Teaches Us How To Feel (Asylum)Celebrities 'Hate' Vick's Return To The NFL (Moondogsports) Cop Rams Squad Car Into A Man In A Wheelchair (Nothingtoxic)The Worst Speeches Of All Time (Atomfilms)First Pics Of Ms. Kidman in 'Rabbit Hole' (Filmofilia)
Director: Alejandro Amenábar Cast: Rachel Weisz, Max Minghella, Rupert Evans Synopsis: A historical drama set in Roman Egypt, concerning a slave who turns to the rising tide of Christianity in the hopes of pursuing freedom while also falling in love with his master, the famous female philosophy professor and atheist Hypatia of Alexandria.
EDITOR'S NOTE: This isn't really written by LeVar Burton. But seeing as how so many of the people commenting are wondering, or are calling it defamatory, let us make it clear: LeVar Burton did NOT write this piece. It was meant to be a joke. Because the real LeVar Burton would never in his right f**king mind write something like this. If Mr. Burton doesn't like this piece, then we apologize. He has not contacted us requesting that we remove it. If he does request we do so, then we will out of respect. We love LeVar Burton. We also like reading, and hope that the "literary arts" stay strong for all time.
Amber Valetta stars as Angie in Gamer this Friday, but you may better recognize her as the machine gun-wielding killer in the very impractical outfit from Transporter 2. Pink lingerie, stilettos, and gobs of black eyeliner to blow someone's head off? It doesn't seem like the most accommodating attire, but then again, she might be using the sight of dewy side-boob to stun her victims before riddling them with hollow points. Apparently she plays the mom… Oopsies! A word from Amber: "I'm from Oklahoma!"And Rogers & Hammerstein give each other a posthumous fist bump, as their plan to turn the Sooner state's name into an expletive gets one celebrity closer to reality. Check out the Mother-Oklahomin' photos of Amber after the jump.
The new trailer for Scott Mann's THE TOURNAMENT hit today and we couldn't be more excited about it. The plot is simple: every seven years, in a small town, a tournament to determine the world's #1 assassin takes place. Believable? Nope. Awesome? Eff yes. If the trailer is a true indication of the tone of the movie, it's going to be, as ScreenJunkie Wookie Johnson put it, "SMOKIN' ACES without the gimmicks." You have to admit it's a virtual who's who of badasses all crammed into one actio flick: Marcellus Wallace from PULP FICTION? Check.
Director: Scott Mann Cast: Ving Rhames, Ian Somerhalder, Robert Carlyle, Kelly Hu Synopsis: Every seven years in an unsuspecting town, The Tournament takes place. A battle royale between 30 of the world's deadliest assassins. The last man standing receiving the $10,000,000 cash prize and the title of Worlds No 1, which itself carries the legendary million dollar a bullet price tag.
Despite the shortcomings of Halloween 2 at the box office this past weekend, Bob Weinstein has announced that Michael Myers will be back to hacking and slashing next summer will another sequel… in jaw-dropping 3-D. Weinstein noted that Rob Zombie won't be back this time around as they are going in a new direction with a director 'who has experience with horror'. Negotiations are happening now so the director could not be named. Let's start speculating. Alexander Aja or Neil Marshall would be interesting choices. Or perhaps John Carpenter would return to the franchise. Oh wait. This is a schlocky sequel that is unlikely to have anything going for it beyond it's gimmicky 3-D presentation. Better get those guys from the Saw movies. (Dread Central) Stab your brain with the knowledge contained within these links… Rambo 5!!! (/Film)Burnett and Lowry to ride again in Bad Boys 3. (First Showing)Nicolas Cage is going to get points on his license. (Empire)Seth Rogen's The Green Hornet pushes back release. (The Playlist)10 TV Shows That Should Never, Ever Be Made Into Movies. (io9)
The Men Who Stare At Goats Trailer – Watch more Funny VideosAbove is the brand new trailer for THE MEN WHO STARE AT GOATS, the based-on-a-true-story-and-a-bestselling-book flick that stars George Clooney, Jeff Bridges, AVATAR's Stephen Lang and Kevin Spacey as U.S. Army men who are part of the military's special program for paranormal soldiers. Lang can run through walls, Spacey is a psychic, Clooney can kill livestock with his mind, and Jeff Bridges is the party dude. Party down with these weekend links: Michelle Mayden Stretches Out Her Suit (Gorillamask) Read This Flowchart Before You Bang A Fat Chick (Holytaco) Robin Williams Returns To Sucking (Filmdrunk) 15 Sexy Twitter Babes To Tweet (Manofest) USB Crunching Rocky Bolboa Goes The Distance (Walyou) Rachel Weisz Lights Up 'Agora' Trailer (Pajiba) 5 Badass Movie Characters Who Are Real People (Cracked) Piven's Mercury Poisoning Is Bullshit (Heeb) 10 Signs You Might Be A Douche (Coedmagazine) 10 Awesome Predator Tattoos (Maxim) Girls Gone Wild Guy Sucker Punches Playmate (Celebjihad) How To Sleep With Your Teacher (Mademan) Mark Kerr Has No Chance In Hell (Cagepotato) Tarantino Reviews 'There Will Be Blood' (Unreality) 7 Worst Things Guys Do In Public Restrooms (Asylum) Lou Holtz Tackles Healthcare On Hannity (Moondogsports) First Person View Of Jet Crash (Nothingtoxic) Plaxico Burress' PSA On Gun Safety (Atomfilms)
Director: Grant HeslovCast: George Clooney, Ewan McGregor, Kevin Spacey, Jeff Bridges Synopsis: A reporter in Iraq might just have the story of a lifetime when he meets Lyn Cassady, a guy who claims to be a former member of the U.S. Army's First Earth Battalion, a unit that employs paranormal powers in their missions.
If you can't tell by the way she commands your attention in the above pic, Shantel VanSanten started out as a model. She's also done a couple of guest spots in TV shows, but this Friday she can be seen in The Final Destination, where her character Lori Milligan is sure to die. Come on, we all know it's going to happen. She's hot and she's not the lead actress. That means her character is as dead as glamrock, and when the sh*t goes down it's going to go down in glorious 3-D. A word from Shantel: "I am not a fan of horror films." Ummmmm… Eeeeesh… We're not quite sure how to tell you this, Shantel… But, you're starring in a horror movie this weekend. You know what, nevermind. We don't want to ruin the surprise. How about we check out more pics of you after the jump, instead!
Today we have two heavyweights of horror squaring off at the box office. Rob Zombie is back with another gritty entry of his HALLOWEEN II re-imagining. And Death returns with another grisly, innards-spilling adventure in THE FINAL DESTINATION. Both of these splatter fests are vying for your vote this weekend. But which will you vote for with your hard-earned dollars? The gentleman from Haddonfield or the old lion of mortality? The race has grown pretty ugly and to help you decide, we have smears ads from both candidates. Check them out and remember to vote at the multiplex. You can be the change that you want to see in the world.. First up, Michael Myers…
The new posters for Roland Emmerich's 2012 have been released by Sony and they are almost completely over-the-top. In addition to the Christ the Redeemer statue belly-flopping on Corcovado, another features a massive tidal wave dropping the U.S.S. John F. Kennedy on the White House (I'm hoping for a third where Mayans give us the finger). This really looks like more of the same from Emmerich; a man who has made a career out of destroying landmarks. Watch your back, Liberty Bell. (/Film) These links have an 80% chance of precipitation… George Clooney Stares at Goats in new trailer. (Cinema Blend)Rob Zombie to dirty up The Blob. (Dread Central)Apatow talks Anchorman 2, doesn't say very much. (Empire)Michael Bay hires fact-checkers for James Frey story. (Cinematical)Summer Glau infiltrates Dollhouse. (Pajiba)