Piranha 3D R, 82m., 2010 Cast: Elisabeth Shue, Adam Scott, Ving Rhames, Jerry O’Connell, Steve R. McQueen, Kelly Brook, Jessica Szohr Paul Sheer with Christopher Lloyd and Richard Dryfuss Directed…
He is a killer whale, afterall. (Buzzfeed)
Links to ruin your childhood memories.
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I hope you're all well-rested because the casting search for Spider-man's girlfriend has finally kicked off. We're going to track this thing over the next few months until director Marc Webb and Sony cut through all the bullsh*t and send out an official press release. Oh you better believe there are going to be rumors galore that we'll report on until you beg for mercy. But even then we won't quit because this is Spider-man damnit! You NEED to know every. Single. Little. Detail about every decision made and every actress cast aside. So let's get the hell on with it then. I'M PUMPED!
The first batch of frontrunners to possibly share an on-screen kiss with Spider-man are Teresa Palmer, Imogen Poots, Emma Roberts, Ophelia Lovibond, Mary Elizabeth Winstead, and Lily Collins. Haven't heard of half of them? Yeah, well you hadn't heard of Andrew Garfield either but he's Spider-man now, isn't he? My vote is for Lily Collins simply because she's the spawn of Phil Collins. Maybe she can get her dad to write an original song for the film. Eeeeeeeeeee!!! (Vulture)
She's ready for her close-up.
Maggie Gyllenhaal and Hugh Dancy have signed on for Hysteria, a comedy that focuses upon the invention of the vibrator and its effect on society in Victorian England. Jonathan Pryce and Rupert Everett are attached to co-star (OF COURSE). In the film, Dancy plays a doctor who uses a radical, new electronic device to toss off women who suffer from "hysteria," a malady whose symptoms include irritiability, anger, and unexplained tears. Weird, you can cure all those problems with a simple belt. That's how Dad did it. (Variety)
Paramount has finally set a release date for Case 39. After sitting on the shelf for close to three years, the Renee Zellweger horror flick will see the light of day on October 1st. And probably DVD on October 11th. B-ZING!!!
In the film, Zellweger saves a little girl from an abusive home, only to find out that evil follows the kid everywhere. People start dying all around them, and it turns into a fight for survival. That's pretty admirable. I'd be all like, "Sucks to be you. Good luck with that whole being haunted thing."
Seriously though, check out the trailer after the jump. It's spooky.
Director: Christian Alvart
Cast: Renee Zellweger, Jodelle Ferland, Ian McShane, Bradley Cooper
Synopsis: A social worker (Zellweger) fights to save a girl from her abusive parents, only to discover that the situation is more dangerous than she ever expected.
Release Date: October 1st, 2010
If by now you don't know what Chatroulette is than you probably think you're reading this on a toaster. Chatroulette offers people the opportunity to randomly video chat with one another, troll for hot chicks, or in more encounters than not, watch a dude masturbate. Some companies even set up fake feeds to advertise their products and websites. This is the exact approach Lionsgate took advantage of for this brilliant viral video for The Last Exorcism. Watch as dudes land on a hot chick hoping to get a flash of the goods, but instead get freaked the f*ck out. Kudos, marketing execs. Kudos.
Land on the hilarious video after the jump…
Jessica Szohr hails from "Gossip Girl." She shows off her talents there alongside Blake Lively, and in the upcoming Piranha 3D. While not the best material for an up-and-comer, they do highlight her well-mixed beauty and overdone appeal of consumerism gone mad.
A word from Jessica: "When I have a craving for something, I just can't hold myself back."
So you should be very understanding of the fish in the film you're currently starring in.
More pics of Jessica after the jump…
Once in a blue moon, a passion project comes together with all the right elements and you know it's going to blow people's minds. Havana Heat is that project. I don't know who called in what favors to make this a reality, but Joey Lawrence and Wesley Snipes are starring in the indie actioner for director Dean Hamilton, who's best known for his work on Blonde and Blonder.
"Havana Heat" centers on a Homeland Security agent based at Guantanomo who's murdered while undercover in Havana, where betrayal and intrigue take place against a backdrop of crumbling colonial architecture and vintage American cars.
Betrayal and intrigue and Lawrence and Snipes. That's either a film I can't wait to see or a law firm I don't want to be represented by. Shooting starts in November at an undisclosed location, but we've been assured all of the permits are in order. The red tape regarding Snipes in public places is ridiculous. (Variety)
Here we have a trailer for the Fair Game that doesn't include a naked Cindy Crawford. Doug Liman's Fair Game tackles the true life story of Valerie Plame and Joe Wilson. The story goes as follows: Bush wanted to go to war, so his administration misappropriated information from Joe Wilson's report detailing why war wasn't necessary. Wilson wrote a New York Times editorial, explaining their deception, which sparked a huge controversy. As revenge, the administration outed Plame (Wilson's wife) as a CIA agent to the world. That's cold. You don't mess with a Congressman's boo like that.
In the film, Plame is played by Naomi Watts and Wilson is played by Sean Penn. So don't expect a bloody shoot-out in the Oval Office as the film's climax. You'll have to wait for the John Cena version for that.
Watch the "ripped from the headlines" trailer after the jump…
Director: Doug Liman
Cast: Naomi Watts, Sean Penn, Ty Burrell, Sam Shepard, Noah Emmerich
Synopsis: a CIA agent is revealed by White House officials allegedly out to discredit her husband after he wrote a 2003 New York Times op-ed piece saying that the Bush administration had manipulated intelligence about weapons of mass destruction to justify the invasion of Iraq.
Release Date: November 5th, 2010
Here's the latest Inception mash-up for you, and hopefully one of the last. It's not that adding the Inception score to Christmas Vacation is a bad idea, it's just that this process could go on forever. Even Larry the Cable Guy's Witless Protection could be funny if mashed-up in such a manner. Alright, maybe not that movie, but you get my point.
Watch Clark Griswold lose his sh*t after the jump…
Batman Robs a Taco Bell – Watch more Funny Videos
First Darth Vader and now this? The caped crusader must have been in desperate need of a fourth meal.
Chow down on these links.
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Stringer Bell from "The Wire," actor Idris Elba, is taking over for Morgan Freeman as Dr. Alex Cross in Cross. The new installment of the James Patterson best selling novels will be directed by David Twohy, who will also rewrite the Kerry Williamson penned script.
Morgan Freeman chased after psychopaths as Cross in Kiss the Girls and Along Came a Spider, and he did it with class and a soothing tenor. Idris should carry the torch nicely, as he is a great talent who demonstrated on "The Wire" he can pop a cap in an ass, while on "The Office" he showed off his comedic chops. As a side note: doesn't it wrinkle your brain when British actors who you didn't know were British speak with a British accent? Quit fooling us, Red Coats! (Deadline)
Early test screening reaction. Universal Pictures has dropped a new international trailer for Little Fockers. The boner stabbings from the U.S. trailer have been replaced with references to The Godfather…
In this month's issue of Interview Magazine, Ben Affleck tosses questions at Blake Lively, who stars in his latest directorial effort, The Town. She gave answers and stuff, but more importantly, there are hot pics of her locked in a holding cell! In a publication where the visuals usually come second to the copy, I'm surprised they printed a spread that makes you totally forget what reading is.
Check out the pics of Blake after the jump…
Ashlynn Brooke is the "Queen Of The XXX Porn Parodies." From 30 Rock: A XXX Parody to Seinfeld: A XXX Parody, she has done them all in the last 5 years. While not taking one for the XXX team, she'll be popping up her talents in Piranha 3D this week as the fitfully suite "Cheerleader" character, nude in 3D, of course.
A word from Ashlynn: "I love my job and I love to please people."
It's very rare that a person loves their job. Do it until it hurts.
More pics of Ashlynn after the jump…
Here's another movie montage for the masses. "I could tell you but then I'd have to kill you" is one of those overused lines from cinema and television that for some reason never gets old. Use it on your next outing to a bar. It's a fabulous ice breaker and always gets the ladies to crack a smile. They'll be pleased you have a sense of humor, and will be holding out hope that you you're a spy. They'll know by morning that you're not.
You could watch the montage after the jump, but then I'd have to kill you.
"Did I do that?"
Kissing girls is scary enough without J.J. Abrams stepping in and making it more terrifying. Abrams is teaming up with "Lost" director Jack Bender to produce 7 Minutes In Heaven, a horror film that tells the story of two teens who go into a closet together for seven minutes, and when they reemerge, they find that all of their friends are dead. Could happen.
Abrams and his Bad Robot production company are currently looking for a screenwriter to make that concept less laughable. What I wonder about, is whether the teens are actually in Heaven, and that's why their friends appear dead. Or, maybe they are in Hell? Or, maybe some lame kind of purgatory where you can be a bad boy detective or concert pianist, if you so choose. (HeatVision)
The trailer for My Soul to Take has dropped, a new Wes Craven movie about high schoolers being terrorized by a thing and/or person. In the sleepy town of Riverton,…
Understatement of the Century: we love watching porn! But we also like movies made by semi-professional filmmakers that operate within the non-porn Hollywood system. When these two elements come together, it can make for a pretty satisfying cinematic experience. From The 40-Year-Old Virgin to 8MM, porn has long been referenced or addressed in mainstream films, but it is particularly sweet when the filmmakers take the next step and make up a fake porn movie. Some are actually filmed and shown on screen, while others are there in dialogue only — but it’s all great. Check out a few of our favorite fake nudie flicks.
We (me) were very excited at the news that Alice Eve was in talks to play the precariously-clothed Emma Frost in Matthew Vaughn's X-Men: First Class. You were all instructed to get down to your local wishing wells with an sh*t ton of pennies, and wish this thing into reality. So, what the hell? Today it's reported that talks have fallen through, and "Mad Men" actress January Jones will be filling the role.
Nothing against Jones, but NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!! We were so close to combining this:
Now we'll never know what that looks like because you guys didn't wish hard enough. Somebody owes me pennies. (Deadline)
Gary Busey plays Norman Tugwater: Fantasy Sports Lawyer. His job is to help already filthy rich athletes get their piece of the fantasy league pie. Adrian Peterson and Shaq aren't afraid to call him their attorney. I'd be afraid to call him my anything. The man's face is so asymmetrical.
Drink down these links. Drink 'em down!
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I'll never have to Photoshop them kissing again.
I'd be lying if I didn't say that reporting on Darren Aronosky's Black Swan hasn't been a rocky road. First, we were promised girl-on-girl between Natalie Portman and Mila Kunis. Then, we were told no Natalie boobs. Then we saw some freaky pics. And now we have video of the stars kissing and touching one another's naughty bits. This marks the first time I've ever been turned on by something Kafkaesque. I guess there's a film trailer attached to that footage too. If you're into that kind of thing.
If you're still reading, the trailer is after the jump…
The news that there is a film in the works based upon the board game Battleship is a crazy enough notion. So, why am I still surprised by the casting news? We've already reported that Rihanna had joined the cast, because there was apparantly a Rihanna-like character intrinsic to the storyline. Now it has been announced that swimsuit model and Transformers 3 hopeful Brooklyn Decker will play Taylor Kitsch's love interest in the film. I mean, movie. I mean, commercial. I mean, Peter Berg's excuse to party with Rihanna and Brooklyn Decker. (Deadline)
This feels like a formality, but some of the stars of the upcoming Piranha 3D felt it necessary to create a For Your Consideration video to drum up Oscar support. In my opinion, it's already a shoe-in, and I haven't even seen it yet because the studio won't screen it for critics, most likely because it's too amazing to show early.
Jerry "Hollywood Treasure" O'Connell, Adam Scott, Kelly Brook, and Paul Scheer are a few of the cast members asking for your vote this award season. If nothing else, the film should definitely have a lock on the Best Penis Being Gobbled Up and Spit Out in 3D category. The scene of that in Inception was just so-so.
Check out the campaign video after the jump…
Kelly Brook is one hot pot of English tea. I tried my best to give a range of pictures here from the artfully tasteful to the fake orgasm moan, but there are just too many out there, and more coming soon as she burns up the pages of this month's Playboy. There is one reason to see Piranha 3D this weekend: Kelly Brook naked in 3D.
A word from Kelly: "I’ve got boobs and a bum and if people think I’m fat, I honestly don’t care"
If you're fat, may the world be populated by big fat fatties like you.
More insanely hot pics of Kelly after the jump…
Hugh Jackman had better turn in his Man Card. Dude, just passed up the chance to play beauty parlor in Avon Man in favor of lifting a bunch of weights. OMG! What a fop!
Sure, you can say that Jackman dropped out because the shooting schedule shifted, and he needs to get his arm muscles up to par for Wolverine 2. But we all know the truth, he'd rather just play with balls and lift weights all day. Hugh Jackman is just way too manly. Pretty much everyone knows that. (Deadline)
Last week when I reported that Stellan Skarsgard would possibly join the cast of The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo as Martin Vanger I questioned why Max Von Sydow wasn't on board yet. The man is practically a God in Sweden and deserves to be in Fincher's Sweden-based thriller. Now it appears Von Sydow is in talks to play retired industrialist Henrik Vanger, Martin's uncle and former CEO of Vanger Corp. So basically, I called that sh*t.
I realize all the hubbub was over who would play Lisbeth Salander, and Rooney Mara landed the role yesterday, but I've always been more concerned about Von Sydow. Sure, he's older now and his eyes bulge out of his skull a little too far, but he's sure to give Skarsgard and Daniel Craig a run for their money. I'll now start petitioning for Dolph Lundgren's involvement. He's making a comeback with The Expendables and I'm sure the film has a role for a giant, seven-language-speaking Swede. Or Mike Tyson.
Harry removes the webcam from Hermione's bedroom.
Put on your sorting caps or whatever 'cause I've got some pretty new images from Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 1. I'm an upstanding citizen and a scholar, which is why I decided not to post the scans from last week's Entertainment Weekly that were floating around, but these high resolution pics are going to make you glad you waited. Like having the sex. Some we've seen before (Hermione's murder hands), but there's a few we haven't. I particularly like the one where Harry is peering out of a doorway behind Ron. It's like an Ingmar Bergman film, if Ingar Bergman dabbled in snufflepuffs and floobergobs. Those are wizard things, right?
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 1 hits theaters November 19, 2010.
Check out the pics after the jump…