"Follow me if you want to live!!!"
There's a video going around the Internet that depicts a young woman gleefully throwing newborn puppies into a raging river. Seeing as the Internet is comprised of 80% adorable puppies, that sh*t just don't fly. Michael Bay took time out of his busy schedule of writing terse letters, to write a terse letter damning the puppy-thrower, while placing a bounty on her head:
There is a disturbing video going around the news outlets. It’s a video of blonde young woman in a red sweatshirt casually tossing squealing puppies into the fast-moving river one by one.
Michael Bay has informed me that he is offering a $50,000 reward for information leading to the arrest and successful prosecution of the woman in the red sweatshirt and the person who shot this act of cruelty.
And now it's time to pay up. 4chan was already on the case and managed to gather everything there is to know about the young woman, including her name, phone number, address, school address, email address, Facebook profile, and Volleyball team info (?). Good job, Internet. Too bad 4chan users are anonymous and can't outright accept the money. Michael Bay, you can leave that $50K in the newspaper box on the northeast corner of Wilshire Blvd and N. Arnaz Drive. It will make its way into the right hands.
As if that weren't a sweet enough payout, I would like to up the ante by personally offering a heartfelt pat on the back to the first person who ties the culprits to a chair and force feeds them a bag of cement mix. (WWTDD)
The new international trailer for Buried may cause claustrophobia and an overall icky feeling. It shows much more than the previous trailer, which could be a good or bad thing…
We all know that millions of young minds will be permanently damaged by Michael Bay's Transformers 3. But usually, the causalities don't start rolling in until after the film hits theaters. However, it seems this installment of the Transformers trilogy has already claimed its first victim.
Authorities say the "Transformers 3" crew was filming late Wednesday in the Chicago suburb of Hammond, Ind., using several vehicles and drivers. Police say something went wrong and an object went through the windshield of a car, hitting the driver. In a statement, police said the vehicle kept going for a mile before stopping. Police did not release the driver's name. The person was airlifted to a hospital.
For the love of God, the film hasn't even reached post production, and people are already being hospitalized. Although based on the description, this might make for one hell of a 3D experience. Even so, we wish the extra a speedy recovery, and pray for an end to the senseless cycle of violence that is the Transformers franchise. (HitFix)
Thanks to the run-away success of The Hangover, expectations are high for director Todd Phillips. And if actor Robert Downey Jr. is to be believed, Philips’ latest film, Due Date,…
If there's one thing he loves more than stealing babies, it's cleaning.
Ghostbust these links.
10 Beloved Movies That Started As Box-Office Disappointments (Moviefone)
Documentary Spotlights Lost Sport Of Pigeon-Racing (Asylum)
14 Most Brutal College Hazing Rituals (Ranker)
Things We Learned At The 2010 Fan Expo (HolyTaco)
Paul Hogan Is The Australian Wesley Snipes (FilmDrunk)
The Briefcase Bar (Maxim)
Women Dies After Getting Stuck IN Ex-Boyfriend's Chimney (BarStoolSports)
Fad-Tastic! The Starter Jacket (EgoTV)
Your Suffering Will Be Legendary With The 'Hellraiser' Series (Pajiba)
Scott Pilgrim Versus Everything (Unreality)
9 Most Embarrassing Sports Celebrity Endorsements (TotalProSports)
24 Hilarious Cubicle Pranks (Smosh)
5 Keys To Hooking Up With Incoming Freshmen (BroBible)
Cheryl Tweedy Official 2011 Calendar (CelebJihad)
At The Crossroads In His Career, BJ Penn Is Back In Training Again (CagePotato)
New MILF Pics Of Demi Moore (PopEater)
Musical iCupholders (MadeMan)
"That dog musta been sick."
Here's the first look from Peter Berg's perplexing Battleship adaptation of Rihanna dressed like one of those guys that hang out at the mall trying to recruit poor people into combat. I still find it really odd that she joined the cast, which includes Taylor Kitsch, Brooklyn Decker, and Alexander Skarsgard. Then again, I find it really odd this movie is being made. But what strikes me as most odd is this thing standing next to Rihanna. Didn't E.T. dress up as that once?
Zach Galifianakis's brother, Seth, takes over for him in this episode of "Between Two Ferns" with guest Sean Penn. The video confirms my belief that Penn is incapable of smiling, and possibly even feeling joy. Maybe I'm wrong though. Maybe the blooper reel is full of Penn rolling on the floor laughing his ass off and his stoic persona is built through the magic of editing. But there's no denying that the ferns look scared sh*tless.
Check out the interview after the jump…
Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson's slow transformation into Brendan Fraser is nearly complete. The wrestler-turned-actor (Walking Tall, Southland Tales, Chef Boyardee commercials) has signed on as the lead in the upcoming Journey To The Center Of Earth sequel. Many expected that Josh Hutcherson would make the leap to leading man for Journey 2: The Mysterious Island, but it seems that he's riding shotgun this time around.
In the film, Johnson plays Hutcherson's mom's boyfriend who tags along for the exhilirating adventure when the boy travels to an unchartered island to find his missing grandfather. Seems like a lot of trouble. Did you check the local A&P, Josh? That's the first place I look when my granddad wanders. (THR)
I like Groundhog Day, but I hate to laugh. If only there was a movie that met my needs! Finally, my prayers have been answered thanks to Carl Bessai’s Repeaters….
Quick! Crawl to the hatch!
Here are today's links.
Look! It's Young Ryan Seacrest Acting On ' Beverly Hills 90210' (TVSquad)
Soon The MTA Will Be Watching You (Asylum)
Companies With The Worst Customer Service (Ranker)
25 Mascot Fail Videos (HolyTaco)
Piranha 3D Producer Issues Response To James Cameron (FilmDrunk)
21 Awesomely Pimped Out Golf Carts (Maxim)
Four Loko Bursting On The Scene (BarStoolSports)
7 Celebrity Sex Tapes That I Would Actually Buy (EgoTV)
Viagra For Dick Jokes: The Enduring Of Judd Apatow (Pajiba)
Leonardo The Crybaby (Unreality)
9 Of The Greatest College Stadiums For Tailgating (TotalProSports)
25 Awesome Motorcycle Helmets (Smosh)
Coed College Dorms And Bathrooms (BroBible)
Taylor Lautner Responds To Push Up Challenge (CelebJihad)
Jens Pulver's New Movie Is Going To have Grown Men Crying (CagePotato)
Is Lauryn Hill's Return For The Better? (PopEater)
Skydive Everest (MadeMan)
If this new red band trailer for Machete doesn’t convince you to see the film this Friday then I’m afraid there’s nothing more I can do. My goodness gracious, the…
Claiming dominion over all things aquatic or 3D, James Cameron went all king of the world on Piranha 3D last week, and now the film's producer Mark Canton (who looks like what would happen if Phil Spector banged Albert Brooks) is showing his teeth in response. And he raises a few damn good points! Though, they are lengthy points. Here's just a few favorites, but I encourage you to check out the entire response after jump. Go on wit yo' bad self, Mark Canton:
“Mr. Cameron, who singles himself out to be a visionary of movie-making, seems to have a small vision regarding any motion pictures that are not his own. It is amazing that in the movie-making process – which is certainly a team sport – that Cameron consistently celebrates himself out as though he is a team of one. His comments are ridiculous, self-serving and insulting to those of us who are not caught up in serving his ego and his rhetoric."
"Shame on you for thinking that genre movies and the real maestros like Roger Corman and his collaborators are any less auteur or impactful in the history of cinema than you. Martin Scorcese made Boxcar Bertha at the beginning of his career. And Francis Ford Coppola made Dimentia [sic] 13 back in 1963. And those are just a few examples of the talented and successful filmmakers whose roots are in genre films. Who are you to impugn any genre film or its creators?"
And now… fighting words:
“Jim, are you kidding or what? First of all, let’s start by you accepting the fact that you were the original director of PIRANHA 2 and you were fired."
(Runs around in exaggerated circle playfully slapping own face a la early Martin Lawrence)
No. He. Didn't. Don't MAKE a James Cameron take off his earrings!!
Full letter after the jump…
Watch out Andrew WK. It looks like Conan the Barbarian is getting into the partying hard business. These set photos from Marcus Nispel's remake show Jason Momoa's Conan cutting loose like some weird Charlie Sheen/Tom Sizemore hybrid partybeast. Mead-chugging. Shirtless piggyback rides. Bare breasts. This must be how Hugh Hefner partied when he was a boy in ancient Greece.
Momoa is an animal! Could we have a contender for that Belushi biopic?
Check out the Cimmerian orgy after the jump…
Here's a little pick-me-up for your Tuesday afternoon. It's a montage of dance scenes from almost 40 films set to Kenny Loggins's "Footloose." If this video doesn't make you tap your feet under your desk than your depression is far more advanced than any of us realized. Go do some pelvic thrusts and I promise you'll be right as rain.
Get ready to cut loose after the jump…
MTV has dropped the first clip from Mark Romanek's upcoming Never Let Me Go. The film stars Keira Knightley, Carey Mulligan, and Andrew Garfield as young adults at a boarding school that is doing more than instilling proper etiquette. To give away anymore would be giving away too much. But if you watch the trailer you can probably figure out what's in store for the kids.
In the clip, Keira Knightley, in so many words, tells Carey Mulligan to stay away from her man (Andrew Garfield). She found Carey's porn and laughed at it with Andrew, which is totally not cool. But then she kisses her, so that makes it cool again.
Never Let Me Go hits theaters September 15, 2010.
Check out the clip after the jump…
Shaq will be making a cameo as himself in Adam Sandler's new film Jack & Jill. The recently-aquired Boston Celtics center is no stranger to playing Shaq in films. In fact, I imagine he prefers it to a genie or Iron Man rip-off superhero. Shaq has played Shaq in CB4, Good Burger, He Got Game, After the Sunset, The Kid & I, The House Bunny, and When in Rome. No one captures the essence of Shaq like Shaq can, which is why Sandler came to him for the Shaq role in his new comedy.
Regarding the film, Adam Sandler plays twins and one of them is a girl. Do I really need to go into anymore detail or have your eyes permanently rolled into the back of your skull? Shaq joins Katie Holmes and Al Pacino, who have already agreed to take a check for appearing in this inevitable sh*t sandwich. And don't get all pissed at me about Sandler. I used to love the guy in Happy Gilmore and Billy Madison, but Grown Ups really took a toll on my emotional psyche. Never have I wanted an actor to devolve so badly and return to speaking gibberish. (TheWrap)
Character actor extraordinaire Danny Trejo is back (for about the 30th time this year) in the Mexploitation movie Machete. A lot of his movie roles have reflected his life with drugs, boxing, and prison. He might have the largest character résumé in Hollywood today.
Rising stars Teresa Palmer and Joel Edgerton are returning to Australia for some reason. The actors have signed on for the Australian film Say Nothing. They star as a young couple who keep their traps shut after their friend goes missing during a group vacation to South East Asia. It took some time, but I'm glad they finally got around to making a less-talky version of Say Anything. If the silent boombox scene doesn't melt your heart, you're black inside. (Moviehole)
Earlier this year, when the producers of Final Destination 5 supposedly changed the film's title to 5nal Destination, the Internet was quick to rebuke the decision. After all, how could anyone pick such a stupid title (unless, of course, they were looking for a week's worth of free publicity provided by easily outraged Internet dorks like myself).
But time heals all wounds, and the producers have gone a long way toward reconciling with the Internet crowd thanks to the addition of David Koechner to the cast.
Best known for his comedic roles, Koechner was featured in Anchorman, "The Office," and is currently involved with Adult Swim's hilarious live-action comedy, "Children's Hospital." He has also provided comic relief in a previous horror film, Snakes on a Plane. That being said, he better be channeling the ghost of Richard Pryor if he's going to save this film from the Grim Reaper. (Bloody Disgusting via Empire Online)
Jonathan Liebesman will direct Clash of the Titans II, Coming Soon is reporting. Liebesman, who also directed the upcoming Battle: Los Angeles, will most likely be joined by Sam Worthington and Gemma Arterton, who both starred in the first installment. Unlike the first film, which was retrofitted, the sequel will be shot entirely in 3D. Also, unlike the first film, Clash of the Titans II will supposedly have a plot mapped out before shooting begins.
(Spoiler Alert) Hopefully this sequel will avoid some of the pitfalls of its predecessor. For example, one of the worst scenes from Clash of the Titans was the ending, when Zeus randomly resurrected a character who had died earlier in the film. Resurrection? Talk about an unbelievable cop out? No wonder no one worships Zeus anymore.
Sure, the grammar is incorrect, but the fail is spot on.
Here are your form-fitting links.
Critic Vs. Critic: Is The Internet Good Or Bad For Movie Criticism? (Moviefone)
Porn Judge's Case Not Looking So Hot (Asylum)
30 Greatest On-Stage Falls Of All Time (Ranker)
25 Cosplay Girls From Fan Expo 2010 (HolyTaco)
'The Pacific' Sells 3D Battle Of Midway Pitch (FilmDrunk)
Clooney-Off: Jack VS. Jack Foley (Maxim)
Girl Busts Her Ass Sliding Down A Rail (BarStoolSports)
7 Ways To Make The Red Carpet More Interesting (EgoTV)
So Damn Sure Of Ourselves, Aren't We? (Pajiba)
What Do These Two Ladies Have In Common (Unreality)
Now This Is A Goal Line Stand! (TotalProSports)
23 Clever Ways To Wear Duct Tape (Smosh)
Best Boobs On TV: Christina Hendricks Vs. Sofia Vergara (BroBible)
Vanessa Hudgens Claims TO Pwn Noobs (CelebJihad)
'Never Back Down 2' In The Works? (CagePotato)
'True Blood' Cast Dumps HBO For 'Mad Men' Bash (PopEater)
Deep Fried Beer And Frozen Beer (MadeMan)
The guys who produced the whimsical, yet tragic, Total Recall: The Musical are back with two new productions that'll have you cheering in your box seats. Robocop: The Musical and Terminator 2: The Opera are probably my favorite renditions thus far by Jon and Al. They've managed to keep both of the videos under four minutes, so they don't overstay their welcome. If they could stage a live production these guys would take Broadway by storm. (ToplessRobot)
Check out the musicals after the jump…
David Slade would be wise not to decorate his home office with Wolverine action figures just yet. Though it was believed that the helmer of Hard Candy and assorted vampire movies was a shoe-in for the Wolverine Goes To Japan directing gig, a new contendor has emerged. Granted, he's a highly-unlikely candidate, but Darren Aronofsky's hat has somehow been thrown into the ring. Whether he threw that hat himself, or some neighbor kid bully threw it in the ring just to be a jerk remains to be seen.
Given Aronofsky's body of work, I'm going to go ahead and rule him out. The X-Men films have been twisted into goofy, popcorn wannabe-action films, and Wolverine is no exception. Though if anyone could lend some gravity to the material, it's Aronofsky. Look what he did for Marlon Wayans. (Deadline)
Now that Jeremy Renner has been cast to distract from the fact that box office poison Tom Cruise is appearing in Mission: Impossible 4, it's time to figure out which skinny actress will be running around and firing Uzi's that somehow don't shatter her wrist. And the contenders are Hostel 2's Lauren German, Streetfighter's Kristin Kreuk, and Alan Thicke's daughter-in-law Paula Patton.
The three actresses are all testing for the role of a female operative in the Brad Bird-helmed sequel. Nothing more is known about the character beyond that description, but let's assume she will wear a leather bodysuit. All the best spies do. (Deadline)
These photos that a Collider reader snagged from Steven Spielberg's War Horse set will calm your Monday morning nerves. I've been casually flipping through them with Enya on in the background and the outside world has melted away.
We haven't told you much about the film since its lead protagonist is an equine and SJ caters to people, but basically a horse named Joey is sold to the army during WWI and it wants to get back to the farm boy owner it left behind. It's a love story between a man and a beast, but not a Tijuana strip club sort of way.
Grab some Earl Grey and check out the pics after the jump…
Who would ever think that being discovered at a Bar Mitzvah would lead to a solid career as an indie actress? Well look no further than Kelli Garner, the pixie blonde girl of Larry Clark's Bully, Lars and the Real Girl, and the low-budget southwest gem Dreamland. This week she goes a little more mainstream, reuniting with her Dreamland co-star Justin Long with the cross-country romance, Going The Distance.
A word from Kelli: "I'm mostly cast as the Lolita type, either a blonde bombshell Lolita, or the girl-with-black-hair-who-smokes-weed Lolita. Either way, I'm inevitably the sexpot."
Best typecasting ever.
More pics of Kelli after the jump…
Now imagine this in color. And 3D.
Much like Godzilla, "The Pacific" producer Bruce C. McKenna is drawing upon his love of killing Japanese people again for his next project. McKenna has sold a pitch to Warner Bros. to develop The Battle Of Midway into a big-budget 3D war epic. Reported to have a budget somewhere in the $200 million range, expect this recount of the historic air and sea battle to be a big one.
There's no word on casting or director as of yet, but we'll let you know when Clint Eastwood casts Channing Tatum as a maverick fighter pilot who is constantly at odds with by-the-book squad leader Jon Hamm. (Deadline)
They'll get on that ass-kicking right after bath time.
Bradley Cooper and Ryan Reynolds are teaming up to make the mean streets of San Francisco just a little safer for San Franciscans. The two actors who share a fondness for going shirtless are attached to star in an untitled original action-comedy written by Sheldon Turner (Up in the Air). THR has the rundown:
The story follows two friends, who are also San Francisco cops, whose fathers were once partners on the police force. The older generation is forced out of retirement to help their sons crack a case, with typically antagonistic results.
The actioner is meant to have an updated “Lethal Weapon” flavor that plays into edgier R-rated territory.
The pairing of Cooper and Reynolds I'm sure will be a lot of fun, but now I wanna know who's gonna play the daddies. The studio has the opportunity to put together a sweet actioner with two charismatic leads and two gruff middle-aged men as their fathers. It's too bad neither Cooper nor Reynolds is black or I would suggest Danny Glover. As both dads. He'd be getting seriously too old for this fighting crime with my twin sh*t.
ScreenJunkies caught up with Stanley Tucci at the press junket for Easy A. When not answering questions about the works of Nathaniel Hawthorne or how good Emma Stone smells, the Tooch talked a bit about his role as Dr. Erskine in Marvel's Captain America.
Yeah, I don't look like that character as drawn originally. The character as drawn originally is a very big, sort of square-headed, square-shouldered guy with a big white moustache and a huge thing of hair. I don't look like that. We chose to, I have a scruffy beard that we grayed even more than mine is gray, and like white hair here [above the ears], sort of longish and then glasses and a German accent.
In other words, something like this:
If you listen closely, you can hear Christopher Lloyd firing his agent off in the distance.
Twentieth Century Fox is putting together a cast for their latest version of the Fantastic Four, and Bruce Willis is reportedly at the top of their list to play the Thing. But Screen Rant is reporting that Kiefer Sutherland is also in contention for the role.
Since the character will be completely CGI, whoever is cast will be utilized primarily for voice over work. However, the actor will also make an appearance early on in the film as Ben Grimm, the Thing's identity before he was transformed into a rock monster.
Personally, I'm torn between the two actors. Both are more than qualified to play a pile of rocks. However, I give the slight edge to Kiefer since he's spent a good portion of his life "stoned."
Sorry. It's been a rough weekend.