For years, I've been writing the major studios and begging them to make a film about American servicemen engaging in hardcore gay sex and taking part in a plot to kill George W. Bush. And for years, the Secret Service has been asking me to stop. And stop I will, now that my requests have finally been answered by none-other than the Wachowski Brothers (or whatever you call them now) and their new film, Cobalt Neural 9.
The story starts off as, yes, a hardcore romance between the American soldier and the Iraqi soldier during the second Gulf War– they are depicted "rutting like animals behind this fence" while wearing burqas– but when disaster strikes, the two plot to kill the man responsible for the war: George W. Bush.
Wow, I'm not sure that will play in Peoria. But then again, I could be wrong. After all, two dudes wearing burqas and "rutting like animals" still sounds less gay than Wachowski's live action version of Speed Racer. (Cinema Blend)
She's got his back.
No word yet if The Beaver will see a theatrical release, but director Jodie Foster has come to Mel Gibson's defense when asked about the disgraced star's recent scandal and beating in the press. Foster tells More magazine about her brother from another mother. Take it away Jodie:
"[Mel is the] easiest, nicest person I've ever worked with [and] the second I met him, I said, 'I will love this man for the rest of my life.'"
In all fairness, her other best friends are Darth Vader, that guy who punched Snooki, and that chick who threw those puppies in a river.
"When you love a friend, you don't adandon them when they are struggling. Of course, Mel is an undeniably gifted actor and director, and 'The Beaver' is one of his most powerful and moving performances. But more importantly, he is and has been a true and loyal friend. I hope I can help him get through this dark moment."
She then added: "Oksana really should have just blown him in the jacuzzi. He deserves it." (via The Playlist)
"Entertainment Tonight" has exclusive footage from the Scream 4 set that reveals the first look at Ghostface in action. And we've got an exclusive (read: not actually exclusive) look at their exclusive trailer for their exclusive look. You know how we roll. **finishes grilling cheese sandwich on an iron**
In the glimpse we see, Ghostface is doing the same things he/she usually does — wears a robe, chases around Neve Campbell, throws people off roofs. Y'know, the yoozjh.
Check out the footage after the jump. You will have to sit through some Justin Bieber first though. Apologies.
I'm a serious actress, now!
Well folks, it's the moment we've all been waiting for. Sandra Bullock (Demolition Man, Speed 2: Cruise Control) is considering a role in a film about the Holocaust.
EW says Screen Gems is offering her the lead in a movie called Never Forget. It’s based on a documentary called On Moral Grounds in which a woman sets out to reimburse Holocaust survivors swindled out of life insurance policies by a European company.
Never Forget? That's only slightly better than calling it Holocaust Movie. But even so, I'm sure Sandra's likable, girl-next door qualities will really shine through in a film that deals with the deaths of millions of people. After all, you just can't help but fall in love with her smile. Plus, maybe Matthew McConaughey can play the wacky boyfriend, or something. (EW via Cinema Blend)
David O. Russell is in the running to direct the upcoming Jim Carrey comedy, Under Cover, 24 Frames is reporting. In the film, Carrey will play a divorced dad who joins a local "cover band to raise money to win the custody battle against his ex-wife."
This would mark Russell's first comedy since I Heart Huckabees, and would probably be less on the "existential" side, whatever the hell that means. But I'm sure the film will be a success as long as Russell is able to land a part for Lily Tomlin (First Showing).
Watch David O. Russell drop the C-Bomb on Lily Tomlin after the jump (NSFW)…
Poor Kevin from "The Wonder Years." He finally gets up the courage to ask out Lisa Berlini and Zack Morris swoops in to c*ckblock him. (Warming Glow)
Imagine Daniel Stern reading these links.
Ask A 'Social Network' Star A Question (Moviefone)
World's Angriest Vegan Arsonist Has Amazing Mug Shot (Asylum)
The Top 10 Oldest Living Things On Earth (Ranker)
Maury Povich Hires A Hooker (HolyTaco)
Facebook Movie Is "Character Assassination" (FilmDrunk)
Girls In Tubs (Maxim)
Real Toilet Snake Found In NYC Apartment (BarStoolSports)
6 Celebrity Computers We'd Love To Confiscate (EgoTV)
The Wild And Crazy Times Of Randy Quaid And His Wife, Evi (Pajiba)
Scary Drawings Of The Joker (Unreality)
Golf Basketball, Hole In One Basket (TotalProSports)
20 Worst Band Photos Ever (Smosh)
The 10 Most Disgusting Things About College (BroBible)
Vanessa Hudgens Starts A Scandal With Very Short Dress (CelebJihad)
Butterbean Has Now Officially Proven He Has No Clue About MMA (CagePotato)
Wyclef Jean Drops Politics, Returns To Music (PopEater)
Don't Be A Text Offender (MadeMan)
Insert penises here.
Now that's he's officially not actually crazy or a rapper, Clint Eastwood has been squintily-eyeing Joaquin Phoenix as his boy-toy. It's not what you think, you guys. He just wants to watch he and Leonardo DiCaprio make out a bit. Maybe some ass-play. And he's going to film it. But don't worry, it's totally on the up and up.
Eastwood wants Phoenix to play Clyde Tolson, the rumored lover of J. Edgar Hoover in the Hoover biopic that he is setting up. Neither DiCaprio nor Phoenix have agreed to appear in the film yet (or the ass-play), but how could they turn this down? They sounds like a complex roles in a really interesting film. One that I plan on watching (when my girlfriend is out of town). (Vulture)
If their boobs touch, they will cease to exist.
America's favorite fat men are teaming up. No, I'm not talking about another trailer for The Dilemma. I'm talking about John Goodman joining Kevin Smith's Red State. The religion-based horror satire already boasts an impressive cast featuring Michael Angarano, Kyle Gallner, Melissa Leo, Steven Root, Dermot Mulroney, and Michael Parks. There's word that Kevin Pollak may join up as well (but don't hold that against it).
No word yet on which role Goodman will play, but if it involves teaching anyone what happens when you eff a stranger in the a, we'll assume he's on the crazed preacher's team. (via Dread Central)
J.J. Abrams has rounded out his cast for the seeeeeecret Steven Spielberg-produced Super 8, with Ron Eldard topping the additions. Last week we learned that Kyle Chandler and Elle Fanning are taking the leads, and now the star of "Men Behaving Badly" will get a chance to spare with aliens, if indeed there is sparing.
Abrams has also let Noah Emmerich, Gabriel Basso, Joel Courtney, Riley Griffiths, Ryan Lee and Zach Mills into the Super 8 club. Still not much is known about the film except that some kids capture aliens on their Super 8 camera. If you see one of these new cast members out at a bar, get them drunk and spilling the beans. There's a SJ shirt/wash rag in it for ya. (THR)
The film that dared to bring us two Ron Silvers is coming back. Universal has announced that they plan to actually write the word "Timecop" down on paper, follow it with more pages featuring description and dialogue, hire a director to wear a baseball cap that reads "Timecop" on the front, convince an actor to play a "Timecop," and then spend money on actually getting this thing made, and mass-produce billboards and other marketing materials that say "Timecop."
Sadly, they will not cast Jean Claude Van Damme to reprise his role as the cop who cops time for this one. Good luck finding an actor who can make his foot hover in front of people's faces. They don't teach that skill. You're born with it. (What's Playing)
The Social Network is the movie of the year. If Coppola were into computers, this would be The Godfather. Should I have gone with Scorsese and Goodfellas? I think it’s…
Production on Tim Burton's stop-motion Frankenweenie 3D is ramping up and he's bringing some of his besties onboard. Winona Ryder, Martin Landau, Catherine O'Hara, and Martin Short have joined as four voice actors who don't command a Johnny Depp-sized salary.
It is surprising that Burton's usual players, Depp and wifey Helena Bonham Carter are not attached to the project. Perhaps they'll show up in smaller Easter Egg-ish roles. I'm sure Burton can get either to bark like a dog for the right amount of money. Or the right amount of absinthe. (Deadline)
Director Gavin Hood is reportedly developing Ender’s Game, the award winning novel by Orson Scott Card, into a feature film. Hood (Tsotsi) plans to direct the film using a modified script written by Card.
The story follows a group of children in the future who, because of their high intelligence, are chosen to attend a special school. Here they are taught the methods of space warfare using high-tech "simulators." Notice how I put quotes around the word "simulators." Why do you think I did that?
Although highly accalimed, Ender's Game has not had much luck in Hollywood due in part to the special effects required and the fact that a film adaptation would rely heavily on child actors. While I understand those concerns, I have full faith that the man who brought us X-Men Origins: Wolverine will have the skill and subtlety needed to pull off such a complex story. (24 Frames via /Film)
When I began preparing for the coming Robopocalypse, my now ex-girlfriend said I was crazy. But word has it that iconic director and propagandist for the New World Order, Steven Spielberg, may be prepping for the Robopocalypse as well. Who's the "deranged moron with a small penis" now, eh Cindy?
Spielberg, who initially passed on the film in favor of his current film, War Horse, is reportedly considering Robopocalypse as his next project. The story by Daniel H. Wilson chronicles man's fight for survival as robots turn on their former masters and humanity's chickens come home to roost. If I were you, I'd unplug my Roomba right now and throw it off a bridge. (Vulture via First Showing)
OK Go loves working with animals. The dogs in this music video deserve a lot of credit for putting up with all the B.S. tricks they're asked to perform. It should have rained treats at the end. (BuzzFeed)
Be a good boy and click these links.
Guillermo Del Toro Turned Down The New 'Superman' Movie? (Moviefone)
Adult Services Is Dead– Where Will Craigslist Pervs Go Next (Asylum)
Top 10 Food Trucks In LA (Ranker)
25 Comically Oversized Boobs (HolyTaco)
Italy Hates 'Eat, Pray, Love' (FilmDrunk)
The Hottest Women Of Period Films (Maxim)
How Much Would You Pay For A Floating Hover Bed (BarStoolSports)
Amazing Street Art Gallery (EgoTV)
Ranking The 8 Movie Posters Of 'Let Me In' (Pajiba)
Giving 'The League' Another Chance (Unreality)
Football Fans Wrestle Over Players Helmet (TotalProSports)
20 Super Cool Video Game Cup Cakes (Smosh)
The 25 Best Hangover Foods And Drinks (BroBible)
Kate Beckinsale Shows Off Hot Ass In Tights (CelebJihad)
Fail Of The Century: Mariusz Pudzianowski vs. Butterbean (CagePotato)
Katy Perry Sings 'Hot N Cold' Parody On 'Sesame Street' (PopEater)
Smell Like A Library (MadeMan)
Davis Guggenheim’s latest documentary covers the problems of the education system and offers solutions. Waiting for “Superman” explains the educational system and the politicians’ promises interspersed throughout children’s own stories. The visual demonstrations clarify all the complicated systems in place, explain the statistics and lay out the geography of school districts.
The honesty of children is sobering. You see first graders without any ego or melodrama, yet talking about what school isn’t giving them, there’s your story right there. You don’t need to go to the parents or the teachers, that’s the story. These are good kids, in elementary school when it’s still cute, not tainted yet.
More after the jump…
Director: Davis Guggenheim
Synopsis: Filmmaker Davis Guggenheim follows a handful of promising kids through a system that inhibits, rather than encourages, academic growth, Guggenheim undertakes an exhaustive review of public education, surveying "drop-out factories" and "academic sinkholes," methodically dissecting the system and its seemingly intractable problems.
Super 8 picked up its stars just the other day, filming is slated to begin on the J.J. Abrams' flick this week, and now the first spy photos of the set have appeared online. The story is set in 1979 in the sleepy little town of Lillian Heights, Ohio. Which means the filmmakers needed to find a town sh*tty enough to look like it stepped out of the 1970's. Weirton, West Virginia is that lucky little town that looks sh*tty enough to be a part of filmmaking history. Congrats, Weirton! Be sure to stock up on Busch. The teamsters demand it. (AICN)
Check out pics of the redressed town after the jump…
Look what you're doing to Paul!!!
Jeremy Renner just gave us all one ticket to Bummersville. The actor recently revealed to Total Film that Paul Thomas Anderson's in the works scientology drama tentatively titled The Master has come to a grinding halt:
"I was really bummer about that," Renner revealed. "It really kind of stalled because when we were rehearsing – Phil, Paul and myself – we kept coming up against a wall that we couldn't overcome. Or at least Paul couldn't.
I'm sure he didn't mean for that to sound like a burn, but what a buuuuuuuurn. Jeremy could overcome it, Paul? Why the hell couldn't you?
At the press junket for Jack Goes Boating, Philip Seymour Hoffman also confirmed that the project is currently whack:
"I don't have any new information ['The Master']. I really mean that, I'm not being obstuse. I don't quite know what that is at the moment, but hopefully I will and hopefully I'll be part of something soon. It would be great to work with him again."
I was really looking forward to Anderson's take on The Cause — his made up word for Scientology — and Hoffman portraying a version of L. Ron Hubbard, the author of the classic novel Battlefield Earth. Everyone keep your fingers crossed so tightly that they bleed. It's the only way this project may get back on track. (ThePlaylist)
MTV caught up with Keanu Reeves at the Toronto Film Festival and asked him the pressing question that everyone's dying to know the answer to: What up with another Bill & Ted? The interview takes place at a bench, where I'm guessing moments before Keanu was finishing up a meal all by his lonesome.
The recently "sad" actor says he'd love to do another Bill & Ted (duuuuuuuh), they just have to get the story right. For a story that never made sense in the first place, this is lofty goal. Keanu also says he'd love German director Werner Herzog to add his flair to the project. Now that I would pay to see. They'll need to get this project off the ground soon though or it's going to follow Bill and Ted's excellent adventure of applying for a AARP membership. And Werner tackling ageism will be a dark tale indeed.
Check out the interview after the jump…
What are you smilin' at, Riptide?
Some villains menace society with an army of henchmen. Other terrorize the world with high powered lasers and killer robots. Then there's Riptide. He spins around really fast and shoots out "calcium-growth from his bones." Scary.
At any rate, Álex González has landed the role in X-Men: First Class, joining an already impressive cast inducing Michael Fassbender, Jason Flemying and Kevin Bacon. Will this deranged milk man-type character prove to be as popular as Wolverine and his huge metal claws or Cyclops and his laser eye? Only time will tell. (Blog De Superheroes via Cinema Blend)
After building a career out of using it as a punchline, Sarah Silverman is now planning to show her vagina. She'll film her first full-frontal nude scene in Sarah Polley's Take This Waltz, the film we dubbed too "meh" to write about previously. But in light of recent news, kind of a lot of things have changed don't ya think?
In the film, Silverman plays a new mom so impressed with her post-baby body that she declares, "I look in the mirror, and I wanna f**k myself." The real Silverman however, doesn't share that sensibility. Of the role, she says:
"I go totally naked. Full frontal. It's going to be awful. It's so not pretty."
She then added, "Poop! Poop! Doody!!! Vagina! Black people!!!" (Moviefone)
Anthony Peckham, the writer behind Sherlock Holmes and Invictus, is Paramount's choice to pen the latest Jack Ryan film, Empire Online is reporting. The film, starring Chris Pine and directed by Jack Bender, will mark the 5th time the iconic Tom Clancy character has appeared on the silver screen.
In the film, Ryan and his trusty sidekick Watson will attempt to stop an attack on Nelson Mandela as he watches a rugby game atop the Tower of London. That's my guess, anyway. What do I look like, a god damn 19th century detective?
Someone dun goofed.
Here's a fun rumor that I hope turns out to be true. Vulture is reporting that Coach Taylor a.k.a. Kyle Chandler from "Friday Night Lights" and Elle Fanning a.k.a. Dakota's little sister have been cast in Super 8, the J.J. Abrams/Steven Spielberg collaboration that's dipped and sprinkled in secrecy. Clearly stated, Kyle Chandler is the Man. I guess Elle can come along too, as long as she doesn't get her sticky kid fingers all over everything.
Last May we saw a teaser that teased water sports, and we've been told it's supposedly about three siblings who discover footage of an alien on a Super 8 camera. The movie comes out next summer, so hopefully we'll be let in on more before then, at least casting wise. It would be a shame if they released the movie without a set cast. Actors always really bring a certain something to the screen.
I found him.
Here are your weekend links.
The Internet Never Forgets: Celebrities Before They Were Famous (TVSquad)
Dudes Freaking Out Over A Tornado (Asylum)
The 13 Most Horrible Firework Accidents (Ranker)
Mortal Kombat: Shyamalan (HolyTaco)
M. Night Shyamalan Acts Like 3D Expert At Variety Summit (FilmDrunk)
The Unsung Heroes Of Halo (Maxim)
Kaeeley Hazell Topless Thailand Beach Photo Shoot NSFW (BarStoolSports)
A Gallery Of 25 Truly Beautiful Celebrity Women (EgoTV)
Ben Affleck Career Assessment (Pajiba)
Working Class Batman (Unreality)
Chuck Norris Themed Hockey Mask (TotalProSports)
41 Freakin' Funny Fortune Cookie Fortunes (Smosh)
10 New Mixtapes You Should Know About This Fall (BroBible)
Jessica Simpson's Still Really Fat (CelebJihad)
Gerald Harris To Get Fourth-Straight Octagon Newbie At UFC 123 (CagePotato)
Time To Take Ben Affleck Serious Again?(PopEater)
Jack White's New Triple-Decker Record (MadeMan)
Mark Wahlberg's Reykjavik-Rotterdam remake now has a lovely lady amongst its ranks. Kate Beckinsale has joined the cast of Contraband. The film centers on a former smuggler turned security guard who is pulled back in when he can't resist the opportunity to traffic stolen goods. 2009 Black List scribe Aaron Guzikowski is on script duties, with the star of the original, Baltasar Kormakur, handling the direction.
There's no word on what role Beckinsale will play in the film, but I'm more interested in what she's smuggling, if you know what I'm saying.
Boobs. (Latino Review)
They don’t call him Academy Award winner Sir Anthony Hopkins for nothing. We know Sir Anthony transforms himself into any character on screen or stage, but he can do anybody in real life too. At the press junket for Woody Allen’s latest movie, You Will Meet a Tall Dark Stranger, the actor launched into a dead on Woody Allen impression. Hopkins starts describing the direction Allen gives after a take. About 12 seconds in, he miraculously goes from Sir Anthony to Woody Allen.
Check out the clip after the jump…
From Academy Award-Winning Director Ron Howard comes… a movie where Vince Vaughn gets poison ivy on his schlong. And Channing Tatum probably gets worse when he puts his in Winona Ryder. Despite the Farrelly-esque setups, The Dilemma looks funny. Hate on Vince Vaughn all you want but the man flawlessly delivers the line, "Ladies and gentlemen, electric cars… are gay."
Back to schlongs, Queen Latifah mentions that she's sporting "ladywood." Cute, but I'd have called it a "HERection." I'm not an Academy Award winner though, so what do I know?
Check out the trailer after the jump…
In honor of Oktoberfest starting up this weekend, i09 put together this montage of their favorite drunks from sci-fi/fantasy/horror movies and television. The "Star Trek" ones are my favorite. They play wasted like they're performing in a vaudvillian traveling show. The only element missing is a hiccup fit.
Check out the video after the jump…
Catfish bodes really well for upstart documentaries. These guys just stumbled onto a story, but they happened to be shooting it so well they could present a coherent film about it.
It sets up the characters, their relationships, the geography and the routines of Facebook really well. Yaniv Schulman has been mailed paintings an eight-year-old girl Abby made of his photography. Yaniv begins an online and telephone relationship with the family, including her mother Angela, and an older daughter that becomes possibly romantic.
More after the jump..