I don't know about you, but I think that off-screen guy looks crazy. The new trailer for The Crazies, starring Timothy Olyphant and Radha Mitchell, has mixed into the web like tainted drinking water, and I'm digging the funny taste. We showed you the first trailer a couple months back of the Breck Eisner remake of the cult George Romero film. The new one has plenty shots of Olyphant offering stupified looks and zombie people jumping at the camera while the music goes DUM! As you may or may not choose to remember, Breck Eisner directed the film Sahara starring Matthew "Shirts Iritate My Skin" McConaughey, so while The Crazies may not live up to those terrifying results, it looks scary nonetheless. The film is about the inhabitants of a small Iowa town suddenly plagued by insanity and then death after a mysterious toxin contaminates their water supply. Overall, it sounds like an amalgamation of Erin Brockovich and Christmas dinner at my mom's house.The Crazies infests theaters February 26th. Check out the trailer after the jump.
The exotic dancers hid in the covered wagon until the most inappropriate time. 25 Bad Santas (HolyTaco) Soccer Goalie Scores Crazy Goal (TotalProSports) Collection of Things That Are Totally Awesome (TheChive) Hanukkah Hotties (Maxim) The Woman Who Cries After Star Wars (FilmDrunk) 25 Cat Glamour Shots (SuperTremendous) 10 Best Comic Book Movies of the Aughts (Pajiba) Latest Tiger Woods Adultery Stories (CelebJihad) 10 Hilarious 80s Action Movie Villains (Unreality) 5 Greatest Sports Car Crash Videos (Asylum) I Slept with 50 Guys, BF Should Get Over It (RegretfulMorning) How to Start a Winery (MadeMan) Milka, Danica Attending ARCA Test (AllLeftTurns) Angry Chick Keys Ex-Boyfriend's Car (NothingToxic) Celebrity Kung-Fu (Atom)
I love Stanley Tucci, in a completely plutonic way. Would I gently rub his bald head? Of course, but just so I could write the headline "Screen Junkies Rubbed Stanley Tucci's Head!" not because I would gain any sexual pleasure from the act. His performance as Mr. Harvey absolutely MAKES The Lovely Bones worth seeing. I was not a fan of the film overall, as it lacked in story depth and fleshed out character arcs, but I would recommend seeing it solely based on Tucci's chilling performance as Susie Salmon's murderer and griller. He puts a little lemon juice on her, some cracked pepper, she's delicious. Because she's salmon. Get it. Yo, whateva. Check out the featurette after the jump of Tucci discussing the difficulty of emboding the role of a monster such as Mr. Harvey. Oddly enough, he didn't like to think like a child murderer/rapist, but boy oh boy does it come through those blue eye contacts of his.
While doing press overseas for Avatar, Sigourney Weaver spoke a little bit about the impending Ghostbusters 3. But did she reveal too much?"I’m afraid to say it [Ghostbusters 3] is happening, I hope people are excited about that. I don’t know if I’m going to be in it, I have had a couple of calls asking ‘would you read the script.’ I might be in it; I see nothing wrong with being in it, although I don’t think I will have a big part. I think Bill Murray has a little more to do with it – he’s a ghost."Oh, thanks a lot Ms. Spoilthemovieforeveryoneelseovitch. Are you sure that Bill Murray is a ghost (or even interested)? Because I was recently promised I'd see him as a zombie and that didn't pan out as expected. If he's only wearing a white sheet in this thing, I'm getting my money back. (Channel 4 via AICN)
YouTube user Vadoskincheg created a masterpiece of modern cinema. He took trailers from over 50 films and melded them together to produce a preview for a movie so epic that no movie theater or even celluloid could contain its utter ferocity. My eyes are bleeding and my ears are still ringing from the first viewing. I'd go back for another, but I fear my mind can process no more. Behold the bombastic trailer of trailers in all its glory below.
Earlier reports that Pride and Prejudice and Zombies would be a television miniseries seem to be nullified today. Variety reports that Natalie Portman is teaming up with Richard Kelly and Lionsgate to bring the project to the big screen. No word yet on when filming will begin. Portman is currently busy having angry sex with Mila Kunis in The Black Swan and then she has Kenneth Branagh's Thor after that. According to Variety:Portman will play feisty heroine Elizabeth Bennet, who is distracted from her quest to eradicate the zombie menace by the arrival of the arrogant Mr. Darcy. Is this some kind of trick? Throwing zombies into classic literature so that I'll see it and maybe learn something?? Not gonna happen. **swigs from gasoline can** (Variety)
Ever hear your dirty uncle singing a dirty, little diddy under his breath? It was probably written by this guy. Check out the NSFW trailer for 'Dirty Country' starring Larry Pierce. These are songs Willie Nelson would sing if he weren't so pigeon-holed.9 Funny 911 Calls (HolyTaco) Soccer Goalie Takes a Leak During Game (TotalProSports) Nothing Beats a Sexy Geek (TheChive) When Books Come to Life (SuperTremendous) Meet Sarah Jessica… Qadhafi? (FilmDrunk) Broken Lizard's Kevin Heffernan Talks Super Troopers 2 (Moviefone) 13 Best Movie Villains of the Decade (Pajiba) Lindsay Lohan is Very Naughty (CelebJihad) A List of Movies with Numbers in the Title (Unreality) A Robot Penguin That Pokes You (Asylum) Winter 2009 UCLA Undie Run Was Cold (BustedCoverage) Chinese Rocket Launches Past Airplane (RegretfulMorning) Easy Guy Meals (MadeMan) When is Danica's First Race? (AllLeftTurns)
Busey On Board.You'd think he'd have had a court-ordered vasectomy by now but it is being reported that Gary Busey is going to be a dad again. This requires that Gary Busey be allowed near a vagina, but who would sign off on that? The actor/knife aficionado Busey, who once snorted cocaine off a dog's back, announced at the Crazy Heart premiere that his girlfriend Stephanie Sampson is carrying his child. So if you see Busey in the woods handing out cigars to wolves within the next nine months, be sure to congratulate the proud papa. (WENN)
The holiday spirit is hidden somewhere in these greetings…
In an effort to promote their new movie, The Slammin' Salmon, the Broken Lizard gang held a salmon chowder eating contest at City Crab & Seafood in New York City. Gluton Bob Shoudt broke the Major League Eating capacity record after eating 2.4 gallons and more than 24 pounds of chowder in 6-minutes. A disgusted and bewildered Michael Clarke Duncan served as guest judge and the Broken Lizards were amateur coaches at the Major League Eating contest. Eater X, Badlands Booker, Crazy Legs Conti and Allen "Shredder" Goldstein competed along with amateur hopefuls. I threw up in my mouth. Never have I seen so much stewed oil, cream, and fish shoveled into an orifice. I hope everyone at this contest felt very bad about themselves after. The human body isn't meant to tolerate so much thick, white liquid. Hence the stomach pump.
Rachel Weisz starred in The Mummy and The Mummy Returns. She's also won an Academy Award. Two facts that have nothing to do with one another. Thank God. A word from Rachel: "People find out I'm an actress and I see that 'whore' look flicker across their eyes." Is that a real thing because I SWEAR I've seen that look in so many eyes and I thought I was just crazy! Damn this sixth sense is such a burden. See if Rachel's eyes flicker in the pics after the jump.
As this new poster for Tron Legacy declares, "the game has changed." But how? How has this game changed? Still looks all cyber-bikey to me. Is there cyber-lava now?? Or is it that the chicks are hotter this time around?Yes. That could be it. The girls are more attractive and, as you can see from the poster below, the perverts are just as Midwestern.
Posted below are six new clips from a small indie movie called Avatar that comes out December 18th. Like most other bloggers, I refuse to watch them because I want to get the most out of my expensive-ass IMAX ticket. Plus I like wearing shades when I see movies. You know, so the stuff jumps out at you and stuff, like Captain EO. If you like to experience your epic action-adventure movies on a much smaller, 2D screen, then by all means click play below.
What if Amy Fisher knew karate? That's roughly the idea behind Wife Vs. Ninja, a pitch recently purchased by Dreamworks. The story centers on a scientist who leaves his Long Island housewife for his beautiful young intern. But the intern is actually a ninja assassin intent on murdering him and stealing his work. Not sure why the wife would want to save her cheating spouse. Must be children involved.Producer Michael Besman will write the script along with scribes Michael Zam and Jaffe Cohen. Not sure how good this one can be. I place it just above Ballistic: Ecks Vs. Sever on the Versus Movie Scale. (Variety)
Director: Peter JacksonCast: Mark Wahlberg, Saoirse Ronan, Rachel Weisz, Stanley Tucci, Susan SarandonSynopsis: Centers on a young girl who has been murdered and watches over her family – and her killer – from heaven. She must weigh her desire for vengeance against her desire for her family to heal.
I can do this all day, buddy. James Cameron is developing a futuristic sci-fi action film. Someone should tell him he's already been doing that for the past twenty years. It's called Avatar, Cameron. Remember? The blue mutant cat people? Ahhhh (dismissively waves hand).The event film set in the future, but not Fern Gully, is scripted by uber Hollywood screenwriter Shane Salerno. In June of this year it was mentioned in Variety that Salerno was developing a project for Cameron, and many think it could be Doomsday Protocal, which Salerno sold to Fox for seven figures of cold, hard cheddar. The project is about aliens and humans with various abilities being brought together to save earth. Sounds like one of those "important" movies. Please standby while I pass gas through the flame of a lighter. It isn't known if Cameron is intending to direct the project, or merely produce. The only thing that's known is Cameron just made a movie with aliens and humans being brought together, and he doesn't know it.(via /Film)
Nicolas Cage loooooooves fake hair. We recently posted The Season of the Witch trailer, in which Cage dons flowing locks of stringy fibers, and it appears he continues the trend in the new trailer for The Sorcerer's Apprentice. There's CG magic abound in the Disney film, and Jay Barachul in disbelief of most of it. I have to say though, the dragon stuff is pretty cool. I mean, it's no Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor, because that "film" was clearly Rob Cohen jerkin' it in front of a mirror, so maybe Apprentice can give CG dragons the recognition they deserve.
Jennifer Aniston has signed on to costar with Adam Sandler in The Pretend Wife. Dennis Dugan is expected to direct the romantic comedy but much is being kept under wraps about this project, including the plot. All we know is that the original title was Holiday in Hawaii. It's unclear whether a fat guy will fall down or if Rob Schneider will play a weird ethnic dude. We're not even sure if someone will be injured in a testicle-hitting mishap. But I vow that once I know, you will know. (THR)
Youth In Revolt Red Band Trailer – watch more funny videos Here's the new red band trailer for Youth In Revolt, starring Michael Cera and evil Michael Cera. I gotta say, I wasn't interested in this movie after seeing the original squeaky-clean trailer, but the dirty stuff in this one brings a slight smile to my face. Cera's showing some range and some balls playing evil Cera, and you just KNOW something hilarious is going to come from him eating an entire bag of shrooms. I'm not saying that these links are better on shrooms. A Comprehensive List of Tiger's Mistresses (HolyTaco) Million Dollar Car Wrecked in Accident. Doh! (TotalProSports) Animals Boozin' it Up (TheChive) Lana Wachowski is Lookin' Great (FilmDrunk) Hamster Jazz Band (SuperTremendous) 10 Best Horror Movies of the Aughts (Pajiba) Celebrity Sex Faces (CelebJihad) 12 Best Arrested Development Jokes You Never Got (Unreality) Whic Porn Star Would You Like to Date? (Asylum) The Lego Tiger Woods Accident Reenactment (BustedCoverage) Hot Girl Fails at Stair Surfing (RegretfulMorning) 10 Gourmet Grilled Cheese Recipes (MadeMan) Patrick to Drive No. 7 Car for Jr. Motorsports (AllLeftTurns)
Damn you Spiderman 4 internet casting rumors. First you had me believe that The Lizard would be the villian in Raimi's next installment of the franchise. Then you told that Rachel McAdams would don a sexy cat suit for the sequel and that turned out to be a lie (or a mean-spirited prank played on my peen) too. Today there is news that I want to believe but I've been hurt before and I'm just not ready. Movieline reports that the Lizard is out and John Malkovich has been approached to portray bird-themed bad guy The Vulture (my condolences to Patrick Stewart and Ben Kingsley). Making this report seemingly more full of poop is the news that Anne Hathaway is being eyed to step into the role of Felicia Hardy. But not the Black Cat alter-ego Felicia Hardy we all know from the comics. This version of Felicia Hardy would become a new villian known as the Vulturess. I just don't know if I can believe this. That whole incident with Rachel McAdams and my peen has left me with trust issues. If this is the truth however, I hope the Vulturess costume looks a little something like this: (via Movieline)
One word: awesome. Star Wars artist Matt Busch had the good sense to take the iconic posters for the legendary franchise and strip away the flesh. The result is awe inspiring and a little sickening. A zombiefied version of Princess Leia with blood dripping down her mouth was never something I thought I'd want to see, but now that I have I'm all the better for it. My only tiff is he could have left the Attack of the Clones poster as is. It was much more terrifying in its original form. Sideshow Bob shiver… (via Collider)Check out the rest of the posters after the jump!
Peter Jackson and his brother-from-another-mother Guillermo del Toro begin casting The Hobbit this week and they're not bowing to any big name pressure. “We’re auditioning for every role,” Jackson said in an interview. “Apart from Ian McKellen, who we obviously want to return as Gandalf, we are not really offering any roles to anybody until we’ve done a casting sweep…" That's good news if you're short or fat or talented at gazing longingly into another man's eyes. If you fit any of those criteria, you'd better get to Los Angeles or London this week. "What we’ve done over the years is discover a lot of interesting actors, like Orlando Bloom (in Rings), Kate Winslet (in Heavenly Creatures), Saoirse Ronan (in The Lovely Bones). So if you start looking and auditioning seriously, it’s amazing what incredible talent you’ll find out there.”"We want to find the right people. Casting someone to portray a hobbit is not as easy as you might imagine," Jackson added before slipping shoes onto his hairy feet and inhaling from a long-stemmed wooden pipe. (THR)
Screen Junkies has an unhealthy obsession with Michael Bay so it's only fitting that I post this commercial he recently directed for Victoria's Secret. The rumor I'm starting has it that Bay schtooped every single model on set, but only after he bent the sky over and took it from behind, thus scorching the earth all for a totally awesome shot. Here are today's lin–BOOM!What Your Favorite Sport Really Says About You (HolyTaco) London Knights Fan Makes it Rain Teddy Bears (TotalProSports) Sexy Surfers (TheChive) The Final Frame of Old Dogs is Creepy (FilmDrunk) 25 Amazing Christmas Light Displays (SuperTremendous) The Decade's Ten Biggest Flameouts (Pajiba) Top 10 Twilight Fan Gifts (CelebJihad) 10 Reasons We Miss Dolph Lundgren (Moviefone) A Collection of Horrible Prequel Ideas (Unreality) Is Playground Pole Dancing Porn? (Asylum) Brenda Warner Has Long Hair Now! (BustedCoverage) Quad Loading Fail (RegretfulMorning) Makeover Your Pad James Bond-Style (MadeMan) 66 Hot Track Girls (AllLeftTurns) Vicious Soccer Fight Over Dirty Play (NothingToxic) Tiger Woods Gets His Sext On (Atom)
FOX targets the only race that still cares about their glut of sh*tty, sh*tty parody movies by releasing this trailer for Spanish Movie. For those unfamiliar with Fox's previous spoofs (ie: Epic Movie, Date Movie), you've just officially won at life. Keep up the good work. This time around they have Spanish crossover films such as The Orphanage, Pan's Labyrinth, Rec, Volver, and Open Your Eyes in their sights. I didn't see one Paris Hilton or Amy Winehouse joke in here. Without them as fodder, what will people not laugh at in this movie?Keep an eye out for Leslie Nielsen. It's nice to see that his fart jokes transcend all racial divides. Take that Tower of Babel!
Neil LaBute has given up on Nic Cage and "beeeeeeeeees!" and decided to remake a movie that's only two years old. The original Death at a Funeral was a British comedy directed by American Frank Oz, and featured mostly white people. For the remake, Hollywood decided to replace most of the white people with black people, but still keep in the midget because midgets are always amusing. Chris Rock leads the ensemble cast, and Martin Lawrence leads the utterances of "Daaaaaaaaaamn." The film focuses on a funeral that “devolves into a debacle of misplaced cadavers, indecent exposure and family secrets.” Also, Danny Glover poops on Tracy Morgan's hand. Check out the trailer after the jump, if you dare.
Director: Neil LaButeCast: Chris Rock, Martin Lawrence, Tracy Morgan, Zoe SaldanaSynopsis: A funeral ceremony turns into a debacle of exposed family secrets and misplaced bodies.
Mexican Governer Fidel Herrerra is emptying out a large section of a Veracruz prison to make room for Mel Gibson. The actor is said to be shooting a large production though there is no word on what the project will be. My fingers are perma-crossed that we'll finally see a big budget remake of the girls-in-sexy-jail classic Caged Heat. The Governer refers to Gibson as his friend, probably due to the fact that since shooting Apocalypto in Veracruz, Gibson has also donated $1 million to replace storm-damaged homes in the area. A few years ago I would view this as a thoughtful act of charity. Nowadays I'm not so quick to trust Gibson, and now he has the Mexican government in his pocket. What is he planning? (THR)
Ginnifer Goodwin is Bill Pullman's youngest wife of three in Big Love on HBO. Unfortunately they don't do a lot of threesomes on the show because I guess God "frowns" on that sort of stuff, but I don't particularly want to see Chloe Sevigny naked anyway. A word from Ginnifer: "I have no idea how to play her, but I am dying to figure it out."It's all part of the process, Ginny. Unless of course you fail miserably at honing your craft. Feel some big love with the pics after the jump.
Director: Tom FordCast: Colin Firth, Julianne MooreSynopsis: A story that centers on an English professor who, after the sudden death of his partner tries to go about his typical day in Los Angeles.
Someone let Quentin Tarantino play with the Japanese, and the result is unsettling. Below is a commercial that Tarantino starred in for SoftBank, a Japanese cell phone company. There's a talking real dog, a talking fake dog, a black man in a kimono, a screaming white woman, and Tarantino, who probably thinks this is all happening in his head. I don't speak Japanese, so if you can translate this please tell me if it's signaling the end of the world.