The adage 'time waits for no man…' was kicked in the teeth and taught to be less impatient with the news that Chuck Norris is celebrating his 70th birthday today. That's right. Seventy years and nine months ago today, the bearded sperm that would form Chuck Norris round-housed into an ovum and conceived the toughest man this world will ever know. Ryan, Oklahoma remains a crater to this day.In honor of the sacred day, his family plans to throw him a "know party" because you can't surprise Chuck Norris. If he were to throw it himself, it would circle the Earth and land at his heels. Happy Birthday, Chuck!
Jasika Nicole plays the lab assistant to Joshua Jackson's batshit crazy father in the FOX television show Fringe. She is also an illustrator and has created an autobiographical online comic called "High Yella Magic." I'm unaware if centers around tripping the light fantastic. A word from Jasika: "It's been almost three years since I learned how to ride the subways without getting lost or getting stuck in the closing doors." Awww, you poor, poor dear. When that started happening to Grandma my Pa sent her off to a farm. I'm pretty sure that means he shot her. Respect Jasika for her body AND her mind after the jump.
"Okay, Scarlett. You're good. Fellas, could you take eighteen huge steps back?"Yesterday's reports that The Office's John Krasinski was the frontrunner to play Captain America have been debunked. Obviously. Have you seen his hair? It's clearly not cool enough.So which muscle-y jerk is gonna play this guy? The list we reported on has been whittled down and a couple of names have been added. Producers are still keen on Tron Legacy's walking haircut Garrett Hedlund, though he has yet to test for the part. Mike Vogel is joined on the list by Chris Evans and Generation Kill's Wilson Bethel (aka who?).The role was expected to be cast by March 1st and has obviously run into some problems. The options in America are pretty bland and we can't just pop an Australian in the suit like we usually do. Stan Lee has really backed us into a wall with this whole America thing. (THR)
RedandJonny are a nice, young married couple who just happen to wear Stormtrooper helmets and document their adventures. You can check out their Flickr account here, but I've picked 25 of my favorite shots.
(Relax, it's apple juice.)The more slurry half of the Coreys has passed away. Corey Haim was found dead this morning after an apparent overdose of prescription drugs. TMZ reports that he collapsed in front of his mother just before 1 AM and was reported dead a little over an hour later after being rushed to the hospital.Haim rose to fame as a 1980's teen heartthob in such films as Silver Bullet, Lucas, The Lost Boys, License to Drive, and Dream a Little Dream. Problems with drug addiction led to a career spiral though he is said to have rehabilitated himself in 2004. He was seen most recently in A&E's The Two Coreys and Crank: High Voltage. He was 38. (TMZ)
Following in the footsteps of Brian Dennehy and Craig T. Nelson, Robert De Niro has signed on to play an iconic coach in the ESPN Films biopic Lombardi. Arguably the greatest coach in NFL history, Vince Lombardi led the Green Bay Packers to two Superbowl and five league championship wins. I should also mention dude could burp the entire alphabet… backwards. Doesn't sound too impressive to you, but in Wisconsin that is a godlike ability.The film, to be written by Eric Roth (Forrest Gump), will focus on the 8 years that Lombardi spent with the Packers, molding them into NFL champs. Very little time will be spent on his epic belching. (THR)
X-Men Origins: Wolverine's Sabretooth wants you guys to know that he'd really like to be in the sequel. At a press conference for Repo Men, Liev Schreiber told reporters that Hugh Jackman has told him about the script but he's not sure if he'll return (though he really wants you guys to know that he totally would if asked)."I just had dinner with [Hugh Jackman] last night and Hugh read the first draft of the script and I was really excited about it. It's still not clear whether or not Victor will be present in the Japan storyline. In the Japan storyline as I remember it from the Wolverine comics, Victor wasn't there. So I don't know, of course I've got my fingers crossed because I love the character so much, to have the chance to do it again would be a lot of fun, but I'm not sure."So, was Hugh Jackman trying to rub it in his face or what?HUGH: Oh, mate. The new Wolverine script is excellent. Too bad you won't be a part of it. Terrific stuff.LIEV: Oh man. That sucks. I guess I'll just have to stay home and bang Naomi Watts for four months.HUGH: Yeah, that's cool too. I s'pose. If you're into that sorta thing.(via io9)
Some might look at this new poster for The Losers and think, "Oh clever, they're assassins who just shot me and now they're standing over my body as my last breath of air escapes." I look at this poster and think, "Suck it." Zoe Saldana especially seems like she could use some servicing. Jeffrey Dean Morgan just looks gassy.The Losers centers around the members of an elite Special Forces unit sent to the Bolivian jungle on a search and destroy mission. They're gonna kick ass, take a few names, and steal the innocence of a few unlucky henchmen. Open wide, world. The Losers hits theaters April 23, 2010. (FilmSchoolRejects)
Lindsay Sloane was Maid of Honor at the wedding of Sarah Michelle Gellar and Freddie Prinze Jr. QUITE the accomplishment I might say. She also made an appearance on Entourage, but nothing tops standing next to Gellar as she made the mistake of marrying Fred from The Scooby Doo Movie.A word from Lindsay: "I am so incredibly hot."Whoa, pump the brakes. Clearly you're more attractive than me, but Alice Eve makes everyone else look like Alexis Dziena. More definitely worthwhile pics of Lindsay after the jump.
The long-awaited Tron Legacy trailer is finally here thanks to some selfless individuals (read: nuuurrdddssss!) who solved the viral puzzle campaign to unlock the trailer. It looks pretty great. I'm sure that inhaler sales just skyrocketed. The trailer opens with Bruce Boxleitner sending Jeff Bridges's cool-haired son to track down his cyber-dad in the world of Tron. What we get is a nice look at the Techtropolis that the world of Tron has become — complete with cyber-babes, cyber-ninjas, Zoolander's nemesis Mugatu, and Jeff Bridges with his cyber-Rat Pack. Missing is Tron Guy. Though it's quite possible he's hiding behind this cyber-couch, waiting for the perfect moment to steal a sniff of Olivia Wilde's cyber-hair. Check out the trailer after the jump. It's worth it for the Daft Punk track alone.
Columbia Pictures is getting serious about a second sequel to Men in Black by tossing some names of weirdos into the ring. It's believed that Josh Brolin is on board for the third film and now there are reports that they want either Brüno's Sacha Baron Cohen or Conchord Jemaine Clement for a character named "Yaz."It's not known at this time if the character will be an alien or an agent (though wouldn't he be named after a letter were he an agent?). Both actors excel at weird, broad comedic performances and would be a perfect fit in the MiB universe. Though I'm not sure about Cohen. They already did the Ballchinian thing in part two. (Bloody Disgusting)
This commercial was on air around the time A Nightmare On Elm Street 4 came out. I'm pretty sure if you called Freddy verbally sexed you up for a steep fee, but my kindergarten friends could have been lying to me.These links don't have a surcharge.Sandra Bullock's German Acceptance Speech (Moviefone)Gorillas May Eat Monkeys (Asylum)Jack From Will & Grace is Gay. DUH. (PopEater)25 Animals Humping the Wrong Animal (HolyTaco) Sandra Bullock Accepts Razzie, Gives Away DVDs (FilmDrunk)Five Reasons Why Your Wife Hates Juliette Lewis (Unreality)Marc Savard Stretchered Off The Ice After Fight (TotalProSports)Hot Girls From Hot Places (Maxim)Ultra Monster Dancedown (Smosh)Miley Cyrus Gives AIDs a Chance (CelebJihad)18 Amazing Fight Fist-Poses (CagePotato)The Most Divisive Movie in Pajiba History (Pajiba)This Is Your Brain On Avatar (Atom)The 7 People You Meet at The Gym (MadeMan)Ingrid Vandebosch Mega Gallery (AllLeftTurns)
Hold on to your fig leaves, folks, this is gonna get sinful. Walden Media and Paramount have seen the light, and the light told them the Book of Genesis would make a totally rad 3D movie with the potential of bringing in sh*t buckets full of money. The film shall be titled In The Beginning, and Cary Granat will work with Real Fx to make a 3D snake so frightening you'll be digging up your real King James Bibles.Naturally, they got John Fusco, the guy who wrote the new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie, to offer his take on creation. How does one go from telling a tale of abominations such as teenage mutant ninja turtles to interpreting The Bible? It's my hope he puts a fresh spin on that tired Old Testament story. Temptation comes in the form of pizza, not apples/vajayjay. Am I right, Michelangelo?They're still just in the planning stages, so hopefully this project won't come to FRUITition (rim shot, fart noise). A mighty hand will come down from the heavens and bitch slap everyone involved. This hand, of course, belonging to Mel Gibson. If you're going to exploit The Bible let's be serious and get the best. (Deadline)
John Hughes's career is in upswing after many quiet years. Sadly he's pretty dead but, much like Tupac before him, he still has unproduced work floating around out there. And the streets is hot for one of these screenplays. Grisbys Go Broke, a story about a wealthy Chicago family who lose everything and move to the country, is raising a few eyebrows in Hollywood.Paramount is rumored to be interested in producing though no official offer has been made. It would only make sense for them to acquire the project though. Last night's Hughes tribute has him fresh in everybody's minds and besides, they're making movies about f*cking bubblegum these days. At this rate we'll be lucky not to see a movie called, Hey, 'Member That Time I Farted? and its sequel, Hey, 'Member That Time I Farted Underwater?, within the next decade. (THR)
Alice Eve is my new favorite thing on the planet. That's right, I like her even more than dogs dressed up as bananas. Alice is getting her first starring role as the 10 in She's Out Of My League, but you may also know her from a little film called Crossing Over. I'm not saying you've seen the film, I'm just saying you've Googled the words "Alice Eve Crossing Over." A word from Alice: "There is an acting gene that has been passed down to me by my parents. It's nature, not nurture" There are a couple of other traits that must have been passed down as well. A couple of fine, fine traits. Check out more of Alice's good genes after the jump.
This 2:30 new trailer for Iron Man 2 packs more punch than the ten hour Academy Award broadcast I just live blogged until my fingers and eyes bled. Luckily for you, I stopped the hemorrhaaging long enough to write this post. I was impressed with the first trailer for Iron Man 2, but the new one definitely sticks it in its predecessor and breaks it off. The reason for this: Scarlett Johansson as Black Widow. Can I just say, DAMN. Halfway through, she body-spins around some henchman before slamming his head in to the ground. Best way to die ever. The trailer also features more Stark, Fury, Whiplash, War Machine, and an easily foldable Iron Man suit, but no amount of CGI can trump Scarlett's magnificent naturals (James Cameron hangs his head, defeated). Check out the new trailer after the jump. Iron Man 2 hits theaters May 7, 2010.
Someone finally caught on to the fact that Tim Burton loves the adjective "creepy" like a fat kid loves cake. Even the room he holds his development meetings in is creepy. Burton's creative team seems to be over the whole "spiral staircase" motif, but the director marches on. Play that wild-eyed man off, Danny Elfman!
Say hello to my little friend, indeed…Here are your weekend links.Win a Tim Burton Signed Alice in Wonderland Prop (Moviefone)If the Oscars Were Honest (Asylum)What if Burton Never Met Depp? (FlickSided)Brett Favre Talks Retirement, Hannah Montana (PopEater)FilmDrunk's Guide to the Oscars (FilmDrunk)Star Wars in the Real World Gallery (Unreality)Who Knew Golfing Could Be So Painful (TotalProSports)Sex: Have Your Cake and Eat It Too (Maxim)10 Fatass Oscar Winners (CelebJihad)WEC 47 Weigh-Ins Go Smoothly, Now Comes Violence (CagePotato)10 Best Quotes of 2009 (Pajiba)Giant Robots Fighting Monsters! (Atom)Female Pickup Artists (MadeMan)2011 Shelby Mustang Pace Car (AllLeftTurns)
Here lies Warts.Paramount is eager to dig up the remains of the Pet Sematary franchise. Producer Lorenzo di Bonaventura has picked up the cautionary tale about the dangers of Indian burial grounds with 1408's Matthew Greenberg taking over scripting duties from Mike Werb and Michael Colleary.The film, based on Stephen King's novel, tells the story of a family from the city who moves to ideallic Maine. They soon discover a cursed pet cemetary that resurrects household pets as demons. Things take a hellish turn when they bury their murdered toddler on the plot. Is it even legal to bury your dead on your own? Aren't there laws?? Please forward all research to me for reasons that are none of your concern. (THR)
Ellen Barkin is one foxy older woman. The squinty-eyed blond is best known for rollin' around in the sheets with Pacino in Sea of Love, but some of you younger folks might recognize her from Ocean's Thirteen. Did someone just yell MILF? Pipe down. A word from Ellen: "What the hell was I thinking? Marry a rich guy? Was I crazy?"Completely insane. Put your arms in to this straight jacket and come with me. More MILF after the jump.
We already know that Steve Guttenberg feels another Police Academy would be good for the world. The healing power of nut shots and superglue pranks should not be underestimated. But do we really need another sequel? Or a reboot for that matter?? New Line Cinema and Warner Bros think so.The studios announced that they will be returning to the series with an all-new relaunch of the series. Though no writer or director are attached at this time, producer Paul Maslansky wants to start with a new cast. This news will make sound effects maestro and series star Michael Winslow cry like a baby. And I don't mean that he will imitate the sound a crying baby makes. The man has bills! (THR)
And that's how Cherie Currie died. A full trailer for The Runaways has been released, and don't worry, there's plenty of leather. After seeing the teaser, I wasn't very amped for this film, but the trailer I kinda likey. Kristen Stewart looks like she's just being her regular angsty self, but Dakota Fanning turns it up a notch or five. She must have been practicing her seductive looks in the mirror for weeks. It's hard to get those AND face painting down all before the movie goes in to production. Learning how to go down on Kristen Stewart is a whole different beast altogether. Check out the full trailer for The Runaways below.
This album promo will melt both your face and assumption that Christopher Lee is of sound mind. Lee tells the tale of Charlemagne, the first Holy Roman Emperor, via maximum wailage. His album, "Charlemagne: By the Sword and the Cross" is available now.Bang your head to these links. The Language of Johnny Depp (Moviefone)Attractive Women Cause Injuries (Asylum)Heidi Montag's Plastic Surgeon Has Cut Her Off (PopEater)25 Well-Trimmed Bushes (HolyTaco)Al Pacino is a Creepy Old Perv (FilmDrunk)Steve Nash Wants You To Stay Vitaminized (TotalProSports)Memorable Knife-Wielders from Movies (Unreality)Foxiest Fairy Tale Ladies (Maxim)Taylor Swift Sex Toy Controversy (CelebJihad)Naked Chuck Liddell is in Good Company (CagePotato)15 Best Heist Films (Pajiba)If Memes Had Big Budget Campaigns (Atom)Clubs Hate Jersey Shore (MadeMan)Jimmie Johnson Car Fails (AllLeftTurns)25 Funny Reaction Faces (RegretfulMorning)
Zombies getting killed by hot dogs now? The walking dead are getting weak as sh*t. Next thing you know our pees-pees will do the trick, they'll be an outbreak of zombie murder-rape, and then legal types will start talking about "equal rights." It's never worked before and it certainly won't work after an apocalypse.On that note, the red band teaser for George Romero's Survival of the Dead hit the Internetz today. What are the zombies doing in this one, you ask? On an island off the coast of North America, local residents simultaneously fight a zombie epidemic while hoping for a cure to return their un-dead relatives back to their human state. Amazing! How do they keep breathing new life into this dead concept?! Hey, if you don't like my schtick my mom will reimburse you. Salivate at the sight of the red band trailer after the jump.
fap fap fap fap fapWhat a week it's turning out to be for men attracted to holograms. On Monday came news that Amber Heard would be popping out above moviegoers when Drive Angry hits the screen in 3D, and today we got the word that the Warner Brosefs will present Martin Campbell's Green Lantern stereoscopically. That means we'll all be one step closer to the highly-desired Blake Lively motorboat. The science is almost there!!Though filming has yet to begin, it's unknown whether or not the production will shoot with 3D-outfitted cameras or if that look will be added in post. What I do know is if this trend persists, masturbation in the future will be bad for your eyes for two reasons. (Box Office Mojo)
Shannon Kane is best known for playing Natalia Fowler on the soap All My Children. If you don't watch daytime television because you're too busy contributing to society or looking for a job (touching yourself), then you're probably not aware of her. Look, ain't she pretty?! A word from Shannon: "I'm currently in flirtation with fellow rookie cop, Brot." Lalala, I can't hear you! I'm too busy working for a living! Shut up, it IS work! Don't drown out the pics after the jump.
Rejected early concept art.It's refreshing to see an animated film about anthropomorphic animals where poop-eating is not involved. Though this one may contain vomiting up mouse skeletons, which you gotta admit is pretty metal (poop-eating is more GG Allin).USA Today has pics from Zack Snyder's Legend of the Guardians, based on the children's book series The Guardians of Ga'Hoole, before the trailer premieres in front of Alice in Wonderland. The film is based on the first three installments of the book series: The Capture, The Journey, and The Rescue. The story follows a young barn owl who is captured and brainwashed to fight in the ongoing owl war that you probably didn't know about. He escapes along with other kidnapped owlets, and heads to the island of Ga’Hoole, to assist its noble, wise owls in fighting the army being created by the wicked rulers of St. Aggie’s. The producers describe the film as being more Harry Potter than Happy Feet. Which is why the voice cast features smart-sounding foreign people as opposed to actors from the Apatow camp. Which really is an outrage. Jonah Hill has a bacon habit to support. (USA Today)CHECK OUT HOW THE DESIGN HAS EVOLVED AFTER THE JUMP…
Melt down these false idols! Every last one of 'em!
The long-gestating Smurfs film project is gaining traction now that the animation tests are finished. Popular song and dance man, Neil Patrick Harris has been cast in an unspecified live-action role in the upcoming film. Thus he joins the illustrious ranks of Jason Lee, Breckin Meyer, Matthew Lillard, and Jerry O'Connell before him.The openly gay star is beloved for his talented turns in How I Met Your Mother, Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog, Doogie Howser M.D., the Harold and Kumar films and as host of the Emmys. Though it is unclear whether he will play a human who encounters the Smurfs or the fugly wizard Gargamel, I'm sure he will ably class up this project.Going forward all Richard Gere/Gerbil jokes should be replaced with NPH/Smurf jokes. Homophobes everywhere, please update your dogmatic joke books accordingly. (Deadline Hollywood)
"i'm a real tyrant without my morning cup of joe."After his breakthough as a scarred-up badass in Avatar, Stephen Lang is carving his niche as Hollywood's go-to son of a bitch. Colonel Quaritch has been offered the role of head bad guy in Marcus Nispel's Conan remake. The character, Khalar Singh, is a cruel warlord and former comrade to Conan's miniature dog-loving dad.This sounds like an exciting bit of casting in an otherwise unexciting film. Although it could be dangerous to the plot as I'll probably root for Lang over Jason Momoa. But only because I'll always root against white guys with dreads. Just make my coffee, Smelly.Lang was terrific in Avatar and I'm glad that's leading to more work. And before you rush to comment that he's essentially playing the same role, allow me to point out that this time he'll have a sword. It's a subtle difference. (Latino Review)