What has six arms, six legs, and a whole lot of chlamydia? The Human Sex-ipede. Yes, they're making a porn parody of the European shock-horror film, The Human Centipede.
For those of you unfamiliar with the film, The Human Centipede is about an insane German doctor who sews people together, anus to mouth. With an ATM fan base already built in, the porn parody was the next logical step, according to famed porn parody director Lee Roy Myers.
"I thought, ‘you know what, this is the perfect concept to base a parody around,'" Myers said. "Anything putting human faces that close to genitals deserves the porn treatment."
There is nothing I could possibly add to that statement. (Movie Line)
He's truly entered the Dark Side.
Randy Couture is an icon of the UFC fighting world, so he fits right into the over pumped world of The Expendables. While he has the least amount of feature film presence, what he lacks in experience, he makes up for with head busting moves on the all-star cast.
Highly Debatable Best Role: Dylan Finn in Redbelt
Weird Fact: Broke his left arm while blocking a high kick from fellow UFC Gabriel Gonzaga
MORE AFTER THE JUMP…
Dolph Lundgren has always been known as Rocky Balboa's greatest foe in Rocky IV aka Rocky Fights The Communists. Yet this Swedish-born old school action star has shown to be quite the opposite as he was once a chemical engineer with a Fulbright scholarship to MIT. Dolph has both brains and muscle, which means don't eff with this guy or he'll bust out a can of whoop ass and the periodic table chart on your ass.
Highly Debatable Best Role: Captain Ivan Drago in Rocky IV
Weird Fact: Said to have an I.Q. of 160, but according to himself this is untrue.
MORE AFTER THE JUMP…
Jack Black is reteaming with School of Rock director Richard Linklater for Bernie. Shirley MacLaine will also star and mother everyone on set. THR has the deets:
"Bernie" is set in the small town of Carthage, Texas and follows a Renaissance man-community leader-mortician Bernie (Black) who strikes up an unlikely friendship with a wealthy but very particular widow (MacLaine). When he kills her, he goes to great lengths to maintain the illusion that she is still alive.
Is no one seeing the similarities to Weekend at Bernie's here? You know, the movie where two business executives go visit their boss at his beach house for a weekend, he ends up dying, and they make it look like he's still alive? This new movie is even called BERNIE. At least change the title! And don't think Andrew McCarthy won't call about a cameo. Ever since the failed "Lipstick Jungle" on NBC, he's been waiting patiently on his couch for an opportunity like this.
The Beverly Wilshire doesn't have the clientele it used to.
Here are your weekend links.
Hide Your Hangover At Work (ModernMan)
Madden NFL 11 + 360 Slim Giveaway (FileFront)
5 Action Stars Who Aren't As Funny As Mark Wahlberg (Moviefone)
Human Chess Match Staged In Brooklyn (Asylum)
Oh My Hermione! Sexy Emma Watson Pictures (HolyTaco)
I Wish This Kid Would Get Addicted To Heroin Already (FilmDrunk)
Hottest Brunettes Out There (Maxim)
Another Nerd Tattles On Hot Teacher For Banging Other Nerds (BarStoolSports)
9 Celebrities Living With STD's (EgoTV)
Samuel L. Jackson Career Assessment (Pajiba)
A Puck To The Groin Over Reaction Video (TotalProSports)
World's Biggest Foods (Smosh)
20 Most Intimidating Fictional Sharks Of All Time (BroBible)
Kim Kardashian Turns Young Girls Into Whores (CelebJihad)
Very Stylish And Cool 'Mad Men' Photographs (PopEater)
Hipster Lightcycle Tires (MadeMen)
Bustin' makes him feel goooooood.
Director: Jeff Tremaine
Cast: Johnny Knoxville, Bam Magera, Steve-O, Chris Pontius, Jason Acuna, Ryan Dunn
Synopsis: More dangerous stunts and jokes now in 3-D from the famous Jackass crew.
Release Date: October 15th, 2010
There's a rumor going around Tinz Town that Christoph Waltz may encourage Mary Jane Watson to wait for the cream. The Inglourious Basterds bad man is said to be in Sony's sights to play the villian in the upcoming Spider-Man 3D reboot. Note that they are only interested. Waltz hasn't indicated that he's interested. However, he did agree to star in Paul W. S. Anderson's Three Musketeers, so it's not like he's picky.
Whether Waltz is sought for the role of the Lizard or Green Goblin is unclear as of right now. Perhaps he's a method actor and got lost in his Basterds' Jew Hunter role. Y'know, you see the name "Spiderman" on paper and you just kinda assume. (The Playlist)
We keep getting casting news on The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo except the news we care about. No, they still haven't found the actress who will play the computer hacker Lisbeth Salander, but Robin Wright has joined the film as Daniel Craig's casual f*ck buddy. According to Deadline, Wright "is in talks to play Erika Berger, the publisher of crusading finance magazine Millennium, and the occasional lover of journalist Mikael Blomkvist."
With Fincher directing, I hope Wright and Craig remember to stay well-hydrated. He'll have them simulating sex take after take after take to Nine Inch Nails until they can't possibly simulate sex any longer. Craig will get frustrated, Wright will get sore, and Fincher will confer with Brad Pitt, who I assume lives in his shirt pocket.
Terry Crews is your go-to big funny guy bad ass. He can make you laugh as well as rip out your throat — just look at those Old Spice Ads. As we've seen since White Chicks, he can be the funniest and most compelling character on screen. And on top of all that, he was a running back for the San Diego Chargers in the 90s.
Highly Debatable Best Role: President Camacho in Idiocracy
Weird Fact: Crews was chosen to be a series regular known as the urban warrior, T-Money on "Battle Dome."
MORE AFTER THE JUMP…
The age-old question of what if Arnold Schwarzenegger did the voice of Darth Vader in Star Wars instead of James Earl Jones has finally been answered. I can't wait until George Lucas re-releases all six films with this new, more appropriate dubbing.
Check out the video after the jump…
Jesse Jane has lived the american dream, from banging Tommy Lee in a VIP night club to starring in the most expensive porn movies made to date. This week she'll be showing her duck-lipped face in Middle Men, playing herself, of course.
A word from Jesse: [on shooting in HD] "Everything is exaggerated. A blemish can look huge, and it's impossible to disguise bumps and bruises with makeup, because the makeup stands out, as well. You have to be very careful."
And imagine the breast implant scars. They must look like untreated battle wounds.
More pics of Jesse doing unintentional duck faces after the jump…
Four young actresses are in the running to play opposite Casey Affleck in The F Word. Rebecca Hall, Mary Elizabeth Winstead, Rose Byrne, Deborah Ann Woll are expected to camera test for the female lead in the quirky, romantic comedy that appeared on the 2008 Black List. It tells the story of a couple who would like to date, but decide to be friends instead while wrestling with their attraction to one another over a long period of time.
Personally, I think all of these actresses are perfect choices for the project and would like to see their careers take off. Sadly, there can be only one. It all depends on who tests best on-camera and freaks out the least when a naked Affleck crawls into her bed in the middle of the night. I think Rebecca Hall has a leg-up on this one. (Production Weekly via The Playlist)
R, 97min., 2010
Cast: Luke Wilson, Giovanni Ribsi, Gabriel Macht, Rade Serbedzija, Laura Ramsey, Jacinda Barett, with Robert Forester and James Caan
Directed by George Gallo
Screenplay by George Gallo and Andy Weiss
Middle Men is too impatient to give us the epic about how the Internet porn empire was made and settles for cliché drama that is given some spark by a committed cast of actors.
More after the jump…
Denzel Washington and Tony Scott have a bigger fascination with trains than imaginative eight-year-old boys or fifty-year-old listless husbands. This time Chris Pine and Rosario Dawson board the duo's ride in the new trailer for Unstoppable. The film tells the story of an experienced engineer (Washington) who finds himself teaming up with a young conductor (Pine) in a race against time, with a runaway train carrying a cargo of toxic chemicals. Ageism and flash-frame-dissolve-cross-fade-smash-cuts are big themes. Oh Tony Scott, you shake that camera like you've got a bad case of palsy, and we love you for it.
Director: Tony Scott Cast: Denzel Washington, Chris Pine, Rosario Dawson Synopsis: An experienced engineer finds himself teaming up with a young conductor in a race against time, with a runaway…
Hey guys, it turns out that the next Saw may not be the last of the Saws. That's insane, right? Well, then Betsy Russell is insane, I guess. Here's what the actress told the NY Post:
"Before we thought it was ending [with 'Saw 7'], the writers came up with an unbelievable idea [for 'Saw 8']," Betsy revealed to PopWrap. "It's an amazing story that I would love to see. We want to end near the top, with our integrity intact and not letting the characters die a slow death, so to speak. But I believe in my heart that someday, somehow, ['Saw 8'] will happen."
When was the last time that a long-running horror franchise intended to wrap up the story, but the boost of 3D ticket sales caused it to continue on? In the last month, I mean. See? You can't think of any.
If you're a fan of drug use or anti-Catholic blasphemy (or both), you're in for a treat. Actor Thomas Lennon, best known as Lieutenant Jim Dangle in "Reno 911," is hard at work on the set of A Very Harold & Kumar Christmas 3D, which is currently being filmed in Detroit (aka the Hollywood on the Rust Belt). According to Lennon, the film has no shortage of drug use and, or showering nuns.
I think when people Harold and Kumar in 3D it’s going to be a full visceral experience not unlike seeing Avatar with a bunch of dudes smoking pot and some naked nuns taking a shower, which is what I believe they’re filming today. In fact I know for a fact that’s what they’re filming today because I happen to not be on-set today and it’s kind of a bummer.
Lennon was also quick to point out that the third installment of Harold and Kumar was actually being filmed in 3D, not converted afterward, a fact that I'm sure will not be lost on the thousands of stoned jackasses who will be watching the movie while waiting for their pizza to hydrate in the year 2017. (Collider)
I thought the whole 3D thing was just a fad. But as of today, consider me converted, just like Paul on the road to Damascus. But instead of an angry Jew riding a horse in ancient Syria, I'm a lazy gentile sitting on a couch in CA. And instead of being instantly blinded by the light of god, I'm slowly destroying my eyesight while watching the new Jackass 3D trailer on my laptop. Other than that, the comparison is spot on.
From the looks of it, Jackass 3D is the reason why 3D was invented. All the stupid stunts and senseless violence really go a long way toward justifying the technology. In fact, I'd go so far as to say that the scene where the porta potty is bungeed into the air is a 1000 times more impressive than anything in Avatar. Plus, there are no blue people in Jackass, which is a plus. (Film School Rejects)
Watch the new Jackass 3D trailer after the jump…
Oh, I get it. Like "Great things come in pairs" but with a bear pedofilia spin. MARKETING FAIL. (FilmDrunk)
These links will make things right.
'Real Genius' Vs. 'Weird Science': 25th Anniversary Geek-Off (Moviefone)
Dutch Student Wants To Turn Times Square Into Art Exhibit (Asylum)
Hot Jenn Sterger Pictures (HolyTaco)
Frotcast Episode 8: The Two Buseys (FilmDrunk)
Kick Ass Lyndsy Fonseca Photos (Maxim)
The Birdman Of Greenwich Village (BarStoolSports)
Dead Men Don't Pay For Parking Tickets (EgoTV)
Worst TV Theme Songs Of All Time (Pajiba)
Scooter Rail Slide Turns Into Face Plant (TotalProSports)
Crazy Japanese Kit Kat Flavors (Smosh)
Alison Brie Says The Hottest Things (BroBible)
Laurence Fishburne Should Have Bought His Daughter That Pony (CelebJihad)
Knockout Of The Week: Justice Is Served For Glove (CagePotato)
Kaye West Promises New Music Video 'Power' Is Actually A Painting (PopEater)
Porsche With A Boeing Turbine Engine (MadeMen)
He's Sweden's Robert Pattinson.
Stellan Skarsgard is in talks to do take after take after take alongside Daniel Craig in David Fincher's adaptation of The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo. He would play Martin Vanger, a suspect in the 40-year-old disappearance of a teenage girl. Hey Variety, tell us what Skarsgard had to say:
"I've met (helmer David) Fincher; I want to work with him; he wants to work me. I've had a concrete offer and now we are in negotiations. The contract is for the period September to March, but I don't know yet when I am supposed to start my part of the film."
This casting makes perfect sense since Skarsgard is Swedish and the film will take place in Sweden. But what of Stellan's son Alexander, who is ripe for the picking due to his recent "True Blood" success. Not to mention Max von Sydow. The man is a God over there.
Give him a call already, Fincher. He's practically begging you.
"Shhhh, I have a secret to tell you: Boooooobs."
We only heard about the gestating Vince Vaughn/David O. Russell project Old St. Louis the other day, and now it appears Scarlett Johansson wants to play in the sandbox. The film is about a divorced traveling toy salesman who reconnects with his teen daughter (Chloe Moretz, possibly) after years on the road. Vulture says Scarlett would play "Vaughn's paramour, a secretary who accompanies them on their cross-country sales jaunt." She transcribes memos and services her boss sexually. The latter part is assumed and based solely on my own experience with paramours. Or my friend's…
Vulture also corrects earlier reports that the script is an O. Russell original. It's been the village bicycle for around a decade now, rubbing up against both Steve Pink (High Fidelity) and Allen Loeb's (Wall Street 2) pen. David O. Russell recently completed a extensive rewrite though so maybe this script has finally found her special sugar daddy. We'll see if she ever makes it to production and performs like a good girl.
Please don't smoke that thing while Tony's enjoying his cigar, Shia.
Tony Scott is rumored to be close to directing the adaptation of John Grisham's The Associate. From his successful "lawyers running away from things" series, The Associate is set to star Shia LaBeouf with The Departed's William Monahan on scripting duties.
This isn't confirmed yet and Scott has enough on his plate with Potsdamer Platz, Hell's Angels, and that Chippendales movie, so take the news with a grain of salt. I don't see why they really need a director for this project. John Grisham movies kind of just direct themselves. Do studios really need to pay millions upon millions of dollars to have someone say, "Okay Shia. What you're giving me right now is a light jog. I need a jaunt. Get them legs up. That's good. Okay. Now go get double-crossed by Gene Hackman." (LA Times)
Gandalf don't play that. Today California, tomorrow The Shire.
Steve Austin, or the wrestler formerly known as 'Stone Cold', may not have the same screen experience as the other Expendables, but what he lacks in acting skills, he makes up in kicking ass. How bad-ass is Austin? It took two full days to film his fight scene with Sly Stallone, during which he broke Stallone's neck.
Highly Debatable Best Role: Conrad in The Condemned
Weird Fact: Adam Sandler ranks him as one of his all time favorite co-stars.
MORE AFTER THE JUMP…
Stanley Tucci gets handsey with the new "star."
So…the trailer for Burlesque is here? If you haven't seen one of those "Midwestern girl comes to Los Angeles to make it big but ends up getting more than she bargained for" movies than you're in a for a treat. If you have, than I hope you like Christina Aguilera in whore makeup. She's had it on since the Lady Marmalade music video from Moulin Rouge.
Stanley Tucci delivers the sass like a pro (why is he so good at being sassy?), and Cam Gigandet plays second fiddle to his bowler cap. The standout part of the trailer though is the flawless CGI work. Cher is as realistic and expressive as ever. Kudos Andy Serkis, for donning the motion capture suit once again and bringing another memorable character to life.
Check out the trailer after the jump…
Stacey Alysson is a blonde babe with some major medical street credit to her family name. Not only is she a graduate of Nutritional Science but her father was the first veterinarian to use Prozac on animals. Probably because all the animals got depressed looking at Stacey's hot body all day long and they couldn't have her.
A word from Stacey: “Does this still count as sexual harasment if I make the first move?”
Probably, but I guarantee no one's going to file charges.
More pics of Stacey after the jump…
Director: Steve Antin
Cast: Christina Aguilera, Cher, Stanley Tucci, Kristen Bell, Alan Cumming, Cam Gigandet
"Honey! Do Jacob's abs look tighter than mine?"
Thanks to Twilight and "True Blood," Hollywood is buying up anything werewolf-related. MMA werewolves, teenaged werewolves, California-based werewolves, it doesn't matter what the werewolves do, as long as they are werewolves. So, it stands to reason that Hollywood would be anxious to desecrate John Landis's classic An American Werewolf In London.
The Weinsteins have just hired The Number 23 scribe Fernley Phillips to drag his butt across the remake's script. This is the Fernley Phillips who named a character "Topsy Kretts." So, yeah. Um. Yeah. The Weinsteins reportedly want to completely depart from Landis's film and give it a more modern feel. That means less gore, more mumbly romance. Which is dumb. Just make your own movie without tarnishing the memory of a horror classic. Besides, with a name like An American Werewolf In London, audiences are going to expect a Madonna biopic. (via LA Times and Bloody Disgusting)